Breaking In (2011) s02e02 Episode Script

Just four hours of my time gone in a gobble? Hey, hey.
What's up? Hey.
Hey.
What up? Oh.
Well, look at that.
Mmm.
Mmm.
Mmm, mmm! - My God.
- I'm having a mouthgasm.
Actually, the chocolate is flooding your brain with serotonin, which gives you the same sensation as a sexual release Ricky, you're ruining this for me.
How can knowledge ruin anything? Wait.
What? Everybody got one of Molly's cupcakes? These are Molly's? Whoa! Ohh.
I would have eaten that.
Are you gonna let that stuffy corporate cog butter cream you up? Oh.
I see what this is A little Jealousy.
someone doesn't like that - there's another office - Hottie I'm not jealous, okay? I just don't buy that whole nice British act.
She's conning you guys with cupcakes.
Wait.
You think she's hot? - She's very - Symmetrical? She's slave Leia hot, chained to jabba for his delight.
My hoochie! Yeah, I'd tap it.
Uh, okay.
Mel, just cut her some slack.
Trust me.
It sucks being the new kid in this office.
I have been nice to the girl since the moment she walked in.
So sorry.
Uh, Veronica's calling a bit of an impromptu meeting.
If you "Uh, so sorry.
"Impromptu meeting.
Pip-pip.
Cheerio.
David Beckham.
" Uh, hello.
Jealousy? closed captioning services, inc.
In my hands, I hold a stack of beautiful, beautiful money, and uh-oh I'm making it rain.
Oh.
Oh, look at that.
Um Molly, should I be doing this? Um, no.
And why is that? Uh, because we're we're actually quite broke.
Ah, that is correct.
We are flatlining.
Whoa.
Oh.
But I am here to "Clear!" Ooh.
We got a heartbeat.
Yay! The company is alive! Okay, and how will we do it, you say? Molly? New clients, and contra is in desperate need of some.
Great news on that front, ladies.
I just landed us a doozy.
And how much money does it pay, dare I ask? Well, to be perfectly honest with you, it is a pro Bono gig, - but there are certain hidden benefits.
- I'll pass.
- I think you should hear me out.
- Pass.
There's somebody there that I would love for you Paso doble.
Mm.
Now I do have a very long list of rich potential clients, but I'm not gonna bore you with that right now.
Molly's going to.
Ciao, lovers.
Who here likes going to Las Vegas?! Oh, dude.
Yeah! Vegas, what? Excellent, because Halfway to Vegas is The crazy horse Indian casino and leather boot emporium.
Ohh! They are having major security issues and need our magic touch.
Well, we are gonna kick the butt out of this job! I'm gonna put some of my best men on it.
Oh, look.
There's some chi over there.
Let me pull it back with my big rope.
Oh, no.
Oh, what's happening? Mei wei, I'm stuck in a box! Terribly sorry to interrupt your tai chi lesson.
I've noticed that everyone in the office is now looking to oz for directions instead of you, and he's developed this This secret code of sorts.
Excuse me, chaps.
Uh, Veronica's requested that you have a staggered feeding schedule.
That means you both can't go to lunch at the same time.
This means ignore what you're saying.
Per Veronica, no more pornography on your work computers.
Lick) This means he agrees with you.
I'd like you to alphabetize all of your receipts.
And when he taps his chin, it means "Molly sucks.
" You know, I may not look like it right now because I'm in my special chi place, but I'm actually uber pissed off.
Well, I thought maybe I could arrange a meeting, um, so you could nip this whole thing in the bud.
I have an even better idea.
How about a fun little game of good cop, bad cop? And unless you want to lose your jobs, there will be an immediate stop to all taps, rubs, and tugs.
And no more of that.
I do not suck.
Personally, I am very impressed that you figured out my little Da Vinci code.
I mean, how did you do it? Oh, well, I-I have this, um, this whole hyperattentive brain thingy.
Come on, Waldo.
Where are you, brotha? Oh.
He's there.
And there.
And there and there.
And I bought this for me! Anyway, the point is, Veronica is now the only authority in this office.
Oh, my God.
Is bad cop almost done? V.
, I just want to say, from the bottom of my heart, that I am very, very sorry that we got caught.
From this point forward, anything that happens in this office I am going to run right through you.
It's here.
It's here.
It's here! hand-sewn onto a buxomy 32c dramatic-lift demi brassiere.
Ohh.
He's a regular bra-fficianado.
Ask him anything.
Uh, have you ever seen one on an actual woman? This is the pro Bono case I was telling you about.
Every year, "maxim" magazine hires us to protect their million-dollar diamond boob sling at their annual event.
Just sounds like gobs of fun.
- Yeah? - Bad cop.
Uh, yes, as I believe we covered earlier in the meeting If we're not getting paid, then we're not taking the job.
Oh, who cares? We're gonna have the breast time.
"- The breast time"! - Oh, my God.
So, so hilarious.
Bad cop.
Yeah, we still can't take the job.
Yeah.
Captain bummer over here, right? She's The top rung of the ladder has spoken.
We are not going to do this job.
- You know what? Come on, oz.
- We need this! Come on, man.
No, no! No secret signals.
I am not touching my nose.
I am no longer in charge.
Hmm-hmm.
Oh, I can't wait to go to this party tonight.
There's gonna be so many models there! I need another slice.
No, hey, I wouldn't do that if I were you.
Rickey Borten's over there, and dude is a talker.
The last thing you want to get caught up in is the bortex.
But it's the lattice crust that makes this a classic Dutch-style apple pie.
It's got nothing to do with the apples.
- I mean, Dutch apples - They don't exist.
It's a total fallacy.
Just let me enjoy this, please.
You should be enjoying it, because this is a really What's up, boys? I see you're diggin' my handiwork.
- You made this? - Yep.
Wow.
It's so flaky and competent.
- Why do you sound so surprised? - Because you can't cook.
You use your stove to light cigarettes.
You, missy, have broken into my car and burgled those pies, you you pie burglar.
- And there it is.
- Slow your roll, pippa.
No one here knows what you're talking about.
I have read your file.
I know you come from thief blood.
Said the nark who ratted us out and told Veronica about our secret code.
I am just trying to do my job, but if you all blatantly break the rules, then I have to let Veronica know.
Well Then I guess we won't be so blatant about it, huh? My mummy's Timex! Pip-pip.
Cheerio.
God save the queen.
Unbelievable.
I only baked those pies as a as a nice gesture because you all have to work so late tonight.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Who who's working late tonight? Yeah, how late are we talking Like, dinnertime late, Like, we can leave and go somewhere else late? Didn't Veronica tell you? She's booked the Indian casino job, so we have 900 hours of security footage to go through.
They think they might have a card counter, and your job is to catch them posthaste.
Sorry Cruella here is bringing the hammer down.
I-I can't control her.
She's a beast.
But the good news is, slumber party! Yay! Oh.
No.
Sounds good.
Wh Question, though.
Could we maybe, I don't know, do it tomorrow? Oh, my gosh.
That is such a good idea.
Let me just call chief running bear and tell him, "sorry.
The white man has broken" "yet another promise.
Here.
"Let me give you this blanket riddled with smallpox.
That will make you feel better.
" Right? This guy right here He's got a million of 'em.
Yes.
Come on.
- The party's tonight.
- Man, what are we gonna do? I don't know.
Call oz? Okay.
Time to commence secret meeting of contra classic.
Now, as you know, we have two jobs to do in the exact time on the exact same night, which means only one thing.
Yes! Human cloning.
We make doubles of ourselves, and we make them do the casino job.
Why do you always go to human cloning? It's not gonna happen.
Not with that attitude.
Oz, we can't do both jobs.
We'd need a whole team of people to get through all that casino footage.
Or one hyperfocused, eager-to-please human computer with nothing to do on a Friday night Molly.
We want to see booby, we gotta charm the newbie.
Hey, Molly! Hey.
That is a nice blouse.
Oh, thank you.
Um, I-I like your kermie.
Cash, take a breath.
Let it go.
This ain't no sock puppet! It's Yoda! I'm sorry.
I-I don't own a telly.
Bitch is crazy.
- Swing and a miss.
- All right, dimples.
Commence woo.
Yeah, great.
Ohh.
Woo her up.
Take her to dinner, go-carting.
Fall in love.
Good stuff.
What is your problem? Hey, it's like I've been singin' all day.
The girl is crazy jealous I don't get jealous, okay? But you're crazy if you think Molly poppins is gonna fall for this.
I'm out.
Uh, wait.
Have fun at the party.
Jeez.
Whoa.
What is her problem? Ah, don't worry.
She'll be back.
See? Hey.
We heard you guys are going to the hot lady party.
We want in.
I'm a foodie.
There's gonna be small plates, man.
Bacon-wrapped figs paired with wines.
Need I go on? I'm already not wearing any underwear.
The people have spoken.
You're up, Cameron Mannheim.
Commence John woo.
Me? Really? Yeah.
You want me? We all think you'd be a great addition to the team.
Oh, this is so unexpected.
I mean, I was beginning to fear perhaps you weren't fond of me.
Hey, there's the new recruit! Got your pepper spray, your Billy club, and here's your 9-millimeter bobcat With laser scope.
Um, I thought we were all looking at Blackjack footage.
Well, we gotta go in.
We gotta get the lay of the land, but don't worry about it.
You won't need this hand Cannon, but just in case you do, don't hit any civvies.
They sue.
- Oh.
- And don't forget your proton pack.
Oh.
This This looks unsafe.
No, you're fine! Just don't cross the streams.
What happens if you cross the streams? All right, easy does it, Ernie Hudson.
All right.
Well, you guys have fun.
Hit me on the walkie-talkie if you need me.
Wait! You're not coming with us? No.
I'll be hanging here, pouring through the boring old casino footage, so Someone's gotta do it.
Me! Me.
Oh.
I'll stay here Well In the office, where it's safe.
You see, I-I'm just, uh, a little bit of a of a safety freak.
- You sure? - Quite.
Good luck, though.
Cheerio! Well, you heard the lady.
Time for work.
It's go time.
- Ha ha! - Oh! No one told me we were wearing our tuxes.
I'm not even gonna look down.
The ice has arrived.
I repeat, the ice has arrived.
all right, let's blend in, try not to draw any attention to ourselves.
Oh, my God.
Open bar.
Body shots! You're late.
Let's get the bra backstage.
Oz, you said it could be me.
- You promised! - No take-backsies! Just try to act like you've been there, kid.
Whoo! I'm ready! Children, mommy's got some late-night snackies Just me, I'm afraid.
The others have gone on a dangerous recon mission to the casino.
I thought it would be best to stay here, away from the proton packs and the crossing of the streams, et cetera.
Did you now? Apparently, they're making headway.
Cash just called and said they've got a lead on someone called "gozer the gozerian.
" Sounds like quite an unsavory fellow, if you ask me.
Ahh.
Oh.
All right.
Time for the real bad cop.
come and get some of my bass drum get it come and get some of my bass drum hey, number seven on the hot list.
- Damn! - Number 14? You're number one in my book.
Oh, damn! Ahem.
Okay.
We are five away from the finale.
Let's get it on the model.
No problem.
Damn! Double damn! what's the matter, Cambo? You seem a little down.
No, I know.
It's just Melanie should be here with us.
I don't know why she just bailed like that.
Ohh.
Look around you.
You're swimming in a sea of beauty.
Give me your money.
Cam, let me introduce you to the reason we are all here.
Yeah, Abe Frohman, the app king of the Internet.
Yeah.
Huge fan.
Your coding is elegant.
Okay.
Just go easy with the geek talk.
There are some chicks around.
Yeah, sorry.
I just I've never met - A billionaire before.
- That he whispers? Say it louder so the girls can hear.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
We're dead! We are dead! Abe Frohman.
Oh, my God.
We are so dead.
Excuse me.
We're dead! We're dead! Tell me you did not lose the bra.
What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do? Why don't we ask Abe for a million? No.
First of all, don't panic.
A diamond bra doesn't get up and just walk away.
damn, what I gotta say to get a piece of that? damn, what I gotta say to get a piece of that? damn, let me see your runway walk make your heels click, make the runway talk come on pretty-ass women takin' pictures they never come outside Oh, my goodness.
Damn, what I gotta say to get a piece of that? damn, what I gotta say to get a piece of that? what is she doing up there? Damn, what I gotta say to get a piece of that? like that, huh? I believe she's teaching me a lesson about who's in charge.
And uploaded.
Damn, what I gotta say to get a piece of that? Damn, what I gotta say to get a piece of that? cheers.
What I gotta say to get a piece of that? na-na, na-na, na-na, na-na whew! Ohh.
I haven't done that since spring break.
Why did I wait so long? Well, as delicious as you looked up there, I don't think that was really the best way to prove your point.
I had to do something after I told you not to come here and then you bring half the office.
Your little dance routine may have just cost us a very, very large job.
Oh, okay.
Well, the funny thing is, I don't care about this job, because it doesn't pay any mun-oh.
I'm not talking about this job.
Hey! Dancing queen.
- Well, hello.
Mm.
- Veronica! This is a gentleman I'd very much like you to meet Oh.
Abe Frohman, Internet billionaire.
Ooh.
Abe Mm.
This is somebody I would equally like you to meet.
She's I'm his boss.
Wow.
Good stuff.
That man was this close to hiring us to securing his entire organization And you had to go and flash your rocks.
What? Oh.
- Ohh.
- That was the biggest job of the year.
Hmm.
Enjoy your night.
Uh Mm! Hi.
How was recon? Anyone want to pull the bull Or bulls? I've had dozens of them.
I feel like I've been running with the things.
Ooh! You were here all night? Yeah! I've caught the culprit.
Marco polo.
The waitress was signaling when the dealer had a bust card.
I found dozens of instances.
Well, you never cease to impress, do ya? Thank you.
Mm-hmm.
So I guess chasing gozer the gozerian was a waste of time, eh? Gozer the gozerian? You mean the all-powerful demigod from "Ghostbusters" - that assumed the form of the stay - Ahem.
Ahem.
Not the time for fun facts, Ricky.
Uh, you did You did go to the casino last night, correct? We, uh Uh OK uh We sorta went to the pretty lady party.
It sucked, though.
The parking was a nightmare.
So you you used me for breasts.
Uh, not just any breasts.
They were professional tiggle biddies.
Right.
Well Score one for the cool kids.
You pretended you liked me and tricked me into feeling like part of the team.
Well done.
I'm one of the cool kids now? Knock, knock.
Oh, hey.
Just chilling out with my "Kama Sutra.
" I don't know about you, but seeing people twist themselves into unlikely sexual positions just Really relaxes me.
So you're not still angry about the little panty party, are ya? Not about the party.
I'm upset because I have to apologize to you for screwing everything up with that stupid app king.
Well, I did just get off the phone with said app king, and he has hired us.
Apparently, your little dance routine has gone viral and made him a fortune.
Oh, my God.
Please tell me my boobs look fantastic.
Your boobs look like a million bucks.
Hmm.
Why am I not surprised? Mm.
Look, you know You are not the only one around here who needs to apologize.
- I mean - You are the boss, and, uh I need to get used to that, so I am sorry.
Oh, my God.
Are we having a mo-mo? Well, we were until you said "mo-mo.
" Are you okay? I'm fine.
Thank you.
I'm just having a snack break.
I'm gonna Please don't.
I just want to be left alone.
I'm a mess! Ohh.
Look, look, it's true, okay? We used you to go to the party.
It was a Stupid thing to do.
It's fine.
I'm used to being treated like an outcast.
I grew up the weird homeschooled girl, and then I was fast-tracked to university at 14, but nobody wanted to be friends with a pint-size swot.
I thought maybe things would be better now that I've graduated, you know But here we are again.
You know, uh I didn't fit in at first either.
Please.
You are Mr.
Cool Fist-Bump guy.
Now, but it took time.
I mean If you feel like a freak, then this office is perfect for you.
I do feel like a freak.
Come on.
You know you want to.
That was my first time.
You'd never know.
I'm gonna try and get outta here.
Oh.
Maybe just w - Whoa! Oh! - Ohh! Maybe we got something in common so come on we can trust there's something in common between us oh, come on we can find there's something in common between our lives it's time you finally watch this.
It's an American classic.
Oh! Um, bill Murray, right, from from the art house films? We'll get there.
- I think someone's - Jealous.
Whoa, oh, oh all right whoa, oh, oh whoa, oh, oh all right whoa, o oh whoa, oh, oh