Carter (2018) s02e02 Episode Script

1 MAN: Okay, I got one.
I got one.
Dave Leigh, I'm really looking at you, but I'm looking through you, because you don't exist.
That's your Chief Boyle imitation.
- Yeah.
- All right.
It's pretty good.
- It could be better.
- Okay.
You got to get better with the (LOWERING VOICE) Dave Leigh.
Dave Leigh.
(IN NORMAL VOICE) Yeah.
Try it.
- Dave Leigh.
- No.
That's, like, a weird, like, Gollum thing you got going on there.
- Dave Leigh.
- Dave Leigh.
- No.
Diaphragm.
- Dave Leigh.
Yeah.
That's a little Cookie Monster.
- Dave Leigh.
- Dave Leigh.
Oh.
How are you? We were just, uh Playing Boyle versus Boyle.
I get it.
You two are obsessed with him.
I love Chief Boyle.
I think he's doing great things for the department.
- It's Dave who's obsessed.
- Um Did I miss Dot? Uh, no.
She's busy explaining to that skycap that she didn't ask him to take her suitcase in.
She just let him.
That way, she doesn't have to tip him.
She's being extra-feisty today.
Well, do you blame her? Hey.
You feeling okay? I'm taking my husband to Japan in a jar.
I am feeling many things.
Dot, you want me to come with you? I will buy a ticket right now.
Harley, she said no.
All right.
Well, just let me know.
I can be in Japan in, like, 15 hours.
As soon as I leave, he will book a private jet.
I want you to shut that nonsense down.
I am all over that nonsense.
I love you, Dot.
So, uh, we gonna do this? - Apparently.
- OK.
- Harley.
- I love you, Dot.
This is crazy.
It really feels like Koji is gone gone.
That's got to have some effect on her.
If Dot falls, we will be there to catch her.
You coming? You know what? I, uh I am gonna go to the souvenir shop and pick you guys up some of those t-shirts, - the ones with the, uh, maple leaves on them.
- Harley.
And I'm gonna get you the little, uh, maple syrup things, - just the little ones.
- Harley.
Look, you guys know I'm just gonna book that jet when I go home, so what is the big deal? It's a pretty good deal if you don't actually use it.
Man, I wish I was rich.
Ugh.
Me, too.
Ugh.
MAN: After I crashed my first Porsche, my dad just bought me another one.
(LAUGHING) How do I know you ain't amping? Dude, I could spend the next five years drinking my way around the whole world, and it wouldn't even put a dent in what my parents left me.
I mean, you can't even imagine that kind of money.
- You just can't.
- I've got a very vivid imagination.
Where did you say you were from again? Uh, a little town in Canada called Bishop.
RAY: I thought this would be a deadly dry flight.
My mistake.
DOT: It was either talk to you or watch Big Bang Theory.
My husband loved the show, but the guy who plays Georgie overacting.
Sounds terrible.
But I meant what I said.
You've got my number.
Grief shared is grief halved.
It's nice to talk to someone who understands.
As a great man once said, "Four words sum it up.
Life it goes on.
" Say goodbye to Dot, Mum.
(IN HIGH VOICE) Goodbye, Dot.
Bye, Ray's mom.
Dot, you make a new little English friend? - We have to follow that man.
- Um, wow.
Dot, getting back into the dating game.
We could have gotten you on some of the apps first.
Why do we have to follow him? He's got more than ashes in that jar! I feel like you're waiting for me to ask you what's inside of his jar.
In his urn.
A thumb.
A human thumb.
Dot, what drove you to look inside of his urn? He said he was bringing his mother to Bishop.
- He was lying.
- How do you know? He went to the bathroom four times.
The first three times, he put his mother on the floor.
- On the floor! - The monster.
And you had no choice but to look inside of the urn.
Someone gives you a jar of ashes, you're not going to look? Okay.
Dot, I I love you.
I I love you so much, and and please don't get mad at me for saying this, but are you okay? You just went through this big thing, and now, you're all like, "Follow that guy.
He has a thumb.
" Are you sure it was a thumb and not a baby carrot? (FIERCELY) I know what a thumb looks like.
Okay.
Okay.
My gut says to trust your gut.
- I trust you.
- He's leaving! All right! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Easy, easy.
One of us may have just spent $33,000 US on a bunch of spy gear.
That's a tracker.
(WHISPERING) Dot, just be careful.
Dot Dot, that was some Jason Bourne stuff right there.
Where's your car? All right-y, then.
DAVE: I just point this thing, and then the sound waves get converted by this.
And then we can hear everything that's going on in that room.
Oh, oh, but the best part are these.
These can see heat signatures through walls.
Through walls, Harley.
(LAUGHING) I've always wanted my own personal Q, and now, - I got my own personal Q.
- Okay.
I got something.
MAN: Seems like an awful lot to pay for such a small problem.
WOMAN: Small problem? You could die, you know.
Complications from sleep apnea can lead to strokes, diabetes, and motor vehicle collisions.
Okay, that was just the TV.
Ah.
(CLEARING THROAT) Oh, here we go.
I got something.
RAY: Yeah, she was seated in 9G, window seat, like you said.
I have two days to kill her, so consider her rinsed.
I'll ring when it's done.
A liar and a murderer.
Dot, do you know who was sitting in 9G? Of course! The first thing I do when I get on an airplane is, I take an hour and memorize everybody's seat number, just in case some stupid idiot wants to know - Okay.
- who's sitting in 9G.
You could have said no.
Could have said no.
I want to know what the deal is with this thumb.
I got to get in that house.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up.
He's making another call.
RAY: Hello? Yeah.
You geezers one of those "30 minutes or free" places? Because by my watch, you've got about eight minutes before my pizza becomes free.
Great.
DOT: That went better than I thought it would.
Yeah.
Guy steps out of the woods, offers a pizza boy 200 bucks and a selfie to give him his clothes.
No way that could've gone wrong.
Dot, wait about a minute, and then you can call him for a distraction.
DAVE: Whoa.
Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait.
We need a code word, something you can slip into conversation in case you're in trouble.
The word could be "Koji.
" That would be nice.
I just don't know how I'm gonna casually work "Koji" into a conversation.
"You know who else liked this pizza? Koji Yasuda.
" Like that.
DAVE: Okay.
Good.
Or or, uh, you could just say "swanky.
" Like, "Hey, this is a swanky place.
" You could get away with that.
Okay.
I got it.
It's go time.
- Can you hear me? - Loud and clear, buddy.
Okay.
(EXHALING) (WHISPERING) I'm a pizza boy.
I'm a pizza boy.
(EXHALING) Be the pizza boy.
Thirty-seven minutes, by my account.
Pizza's on you, mate.
(IN BAD COCKNEY ACCENT) 'Allo, bruv.
It's good to hear a familiar accent.
Where you from, then, mate? East London.
You? Right! Yeah, I know eastern, eastern south uh, southeast London town.
Now, we know why Harley didn't get that Guy Ritchie movie.
It's like he wants to die.
Ah, how about, uh, Meghan Markle leaving that, uh, telly show Suits - and now, uh, Princess Meghan? - (PHONE RINGING) (LAUGHING) Um Hey, mate, do you mind if I use your washroom? I just, uh I really have to skip to the loo.
I got to get this.
Uh, down the hall to the right.
What do you (MUTTERING) Put it there.
See yourself out.
Thank you, mate.
You are the you are the dog's bollocks! (LAUGHING) Ray, it's, uh, Dot Yasuda.
Dot, my love, how the bloody hell are you? So glad you called! DAVE: You're in the bathroom? What'd you think, the urn is in the bathroom? I just called to see if you got in okay.
Uh, buddy? What are you doing? I'd have to be wavy to think that you got on the blower just to share.
You and me, we're not sharers.
DOT: No.
That's why I called, because I wanted to talk to someone who understands, someone who knows you don't have to "boo-hoo-hoo" to hurt.
You're preaching to the choir, Dot.
The sharks I move with, grief is just blood in the water for them.
Oh, my God.
Where are you going now? (QUIETLY) Oh.
To the urn, because I'm the best damn pizza boy in world.
DAVE: Okay.
He's still on other side of house.
Do you have the thumb? HARLEY: Looking.
Oh, yeah.
Oh.
I got it.
(CLATTERING) Hang on.
Thought I heard something.
What was I saying? Yeah.
(WHISPERING) Yes.
I can hear it.
RAY: My relationship with my mother was very complicated.
We were a team.
(CLATTERING) DAVE: Harley, we have a fingerprint kit in the van.
Bring the thumb here.
HARLEY: No, no, no.
Too risky.
If he comes back and he sees that the thumb missing, he'll jet before we figure out what's going on here.
You come to the back of the house with the kit.
I'll toss you the thumb.
You print it.
You toss the thumb back to me.
Harley, that is a seriously terrible idea.
But I'm on my way.
Okay.
(COUGHING) DOT: Uh, uh, my relationship with my husband was also complicated, and they always got it wrong.
Everyone thought that I was the strong one.
RAY: Yeah.
People expect you to play that part, even though playing that part, you do some ugly things.
(WHISPERING) Dave? Dave? Are you ready? What? Dave, I'm gonna toss you the thumb, okay? What? Yeah.
Throw it.
Dave, you gotta catch it, though.
- Let's do this! Come on! - Hey! Shh! I'm going to throw it in an arcing motion, okay? I'm not going to beam it.
I don't care! I'm ready! Eye on the thumb.
Dave, eye on the thumb.
- I see the damn thumb, Harley.
- All right.
It's super-gross, all right? So just be careful.
- Throw the thumb! Throw the thumb! - Eye on the thumb, okay, Dave? - Throw the thumb! Just throw the thumb! - Dave, do you got this? - Stop it! - This is for real.
- Throw it! I've got this! - One.
- You are counting down, man! - Two.
- Throw it! One.
- Three.
- Dave! - Two.
Are you kidding me? - It just hit your arm! - That that was - Forget about the print.
Find the thumb.
- That was the thumb? - Bring it back to the truck.
- Harley, I'm in a swamp! Find the thumb? Well, I'd like to carry on this convo, but I've got a 40-year-old pizza boy stuck in the khazi.
He's been there for a very long time.
I better make sure that he's not drowned.
I'll call you later.
DOT: W wait.
Wait, wait, wait, Ray.
Uh, Ray, uh, uh, don't hang up.
Uh, just a second.
Get out.
Raymond, do you like movies about gladiators? I'm sorry? (WHISPERING) Dot, I got this.
You don't got this! You trying to get us killed with these adlibs and gladiator movies? End the call.
I'm sorry, but it was just a question I wanted to ask on the plane, but I forgot.
I got to go.
(TOILET FLUSHING) (IN BAD ACCENT) Oh! Right.
This is embarrassing.
I, uh, didn't know you were standing there.
I have a bit of a dickey tum.
You might want - to light a candle.
- Hang on a minute.
Do I know you from somewhere? He's been made.
He's been made! Not yet.
Um, uh, I've just been told I have one of those faces.
Um, swanky place you have here.
It's very swanky.
You have a swanky house.
It's very I just realized.
I remembered I never tipped you.
Not your fault that the traffic was bad.
Uh Thank you, sir.
That's very generous generous of you, not swanky at all.
It's just generous.
I repeat, not swanky.
- Did you get it? - DAVE: Get in the van! Please tell me you got it.
(LAUGHING) HARLEY: We went to all that trouble to steal a thumb, and then someone steals it from us! Hey, man, you spent 33 grand on spy gear and didn't have a single camera watching the 33 grand of spy gear.
Yeah, but they didn't take any of our gear, which means whoever broke into your van knew exactly what they were coming for, which also means they knew we had the thumb.
Which means Layer Cake has his thumb back.
But we got a selfie with the thumb, so we got proof.
Excuse me.
What are you two talking about? Oh, we're, uh, currently living in a Guy Ritchie movie.
Yeah, it's a British caper with a real live British villain.
You say this guy is British? Well, he's claiming to be, but his cockney accent is pretty fake-y if you ask me.
And I'm kind of an expert on accents.
- He was British.
- This him? HARLEY: Ray Understone.
SAM: Scotland Yard tipped us off he was here.
HARLEY: You don't say.
Yep.
They've been after him for years but have never been able to pin anything really big on him.
And now, he's dropped off the Brits' radar and onto ours.
They want this guy bad, which means I want him worse.
SAM: There's a handful of assault charges here, too.
This guy is not afraid to get his fists dirty.
And we need to find out who was sitting in 9G on his flight.
That seems to be his target.
Yeah.
Well, nothing in his jacket indicates that he is an assassin.
Then what was he doing with a human thumb? Let's go find out.
You boys willing to tag along? Uh, well, actually, it it would be you who's tagging along, because it's our case! RAY: A human thumb? You've been watching too many of your own shows, Mr.
Carter.
Yes, I placed you after you left.
Didn't know you were a pizza boy, though.
Tough fall.
We can come back with a warrant, Mr.
Understone.
Oh, and, um, what is the probable cause, mate? We know about the woman in 9G.
The woman you threatened to kill.
That's a figure of speech, love.
9G ordered the last can of crisps on a very long flight across the pond.
I could've killed her.
Still, you can't arrest a man for loving crisps.
Can you? Sorry for, uh, wasting your time.
We'll be seeing you again real soon.
Promise? Count on it.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
That's it? You're not gonna arrest him? This is round one.
He's daring us to take him down.
- What's our next move? - Our next move? We This is our case.
We let you in as a courtesy.
Technically, Scotland Yard brought us in.
If you think we're walking away from this, you are crazy.
All right.
Now, you seem to be a little confused as to exactly who you think you're talking to here.
Sir, a moment? This is 100 percent a police case.
- No disagreement.
- But? His methods are odd, but he gets there, somehow.
When the moment comes for someone to punch our little British friend in the face, I want to be there.
- Done.
- All right.
Okay.
We got a name for the passenger in 9G: Helen Pickford.
Great.
Sorry about that.
For pissing off my boss? Listen, Harley, I'm still getting a read on him, too.
I just wish you weren't reading him out loud.
What's our next move? Let's go see a lady about a bag of crisps.
WOMAN: Not that this isn't a lovely house, but but if I'm in so much danger, why aren't I at the police station? Well, believe it or not, this is actually the safest place you could be in Bishop right now.
We have a squad car outside, and Dot is actually more capable than she looks.
She knows more about the case than anyone.
Well, then that that does make me feel better.
Hello, Dot.
I'm Helen.
Hello, Helen.
I have three shotguns.
No one will murder you while I am here.
DAVE: Yeah.
Her bedside manner is absolutely terrifying, but you're safe with her.
Is this man familiar to you at all? HELEN: I remember him from the flight.
Interesting hat.
Uh, what does this have to do with me? Does he want to kill me? No, no, no, no.
We are not gonna let that happen, but we do need your help.
Why would he be interested in you? I have no idea.
I'm a professional scrapbook-er.
I had no idea scrapbooking had a professional level.
Having trouble connecting scrapbooking with murder.
I'm sorry? (FEEDBACK SCREECHING FAINTLY) (LOUDLY) Oh, I I don't see the connection between scrapbooking and murder.
Did you see him approach anyone on the flight? He was chatting with a flight attendant.
Can you describe them? I can do more than describe her.
Her name was Tina.
It was on the uniform.
Young and pretty, even for a flight attendant.
Well, let's track down Tina the flight attendant.
We will get this guy.
Well, how how do you know that? I know how he thinks.
He's a con man, and what are con men but actors without scripts? DAVE: Or morals.
No, wait.
That's still actors.
My bad.
Well, uh, please, keep keep me posted and updated, please? We will.
How would you like to help me with some scrapbooking? Who ordered the peppermint mocha? Oh, Tina, you are a lifesaver.
Says the guy who gets me safely on the ground every day.
Twice on Friday.
Hey, what's that? Where? Sorry.
I thought I saw something.
(LAUGHING) Well, I'll leave you to it, then.
(CLAPPING) Nicely done.
- I'm sorry? - You should be.
Um, you guys aren't allowed to be in here.
Oh, sorry.
We're just doing some research for an independent film we're making.
Might be a limited series.
We're not sure yet.
About small-town pilots and air traffic controllers, your personal lives, stresses of the job, you know, your sex lives.
Looking at you, tiger.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You.
Uh, we'll be back to pick your brains, but first, we would love to talk to Tina downstairs.
Or would you rather we just did it here? HARLEY: Tina, Tina, Tina.
You like to steal things from passengers on flights you're working, and we're guessing Ray Understone caught you in the act.
I'm sorry.
Am I under arrest? Not yet, but we definitely think it's hovering in the horizon.
How do you know Ray Understone? I don't.
I mean, I didn't.
I met him on my flight.
He said it takes one to know one.
Oh, so he did catch you in the act.
What'd you two talk about? Nothing much.
He offered me some business tips, gave me his number.
I found him kind of charming.
Yeah, I did, too.
I guess he was intrigued.
Were you intrigued back? That's not really any of your business.
Not really sure what is or is not our business just yet.
It might be putting you in jail.
- Yeah.
- It might be keeping you out.
- Mm.
- That's entirely up to you.
What do I have to do? (ENGINE STARTING) RAY: Keep the change, love.
You deserve it.
- Thank you, darling.
- You're welcome.
All right.
SERVER: Oh, there's no charge.
The English gentleman already paid for it.
Damn it.
I think he likes you.
SAM: He was casing Harley's house, which is where we stashed Helen, the woman from 9G, so she's still in danger.
All right.
We got to double up on our security.
But no match on the fingerprints.
Whoever that thumb belonged to, the guy's not in our system.
I don't like being played.
I got Rafalski running down whatever purchases Understone made.
Great, but there's, uh there's there's one more thing that I need to - What has Carter done now? - Well, remember I told you about the flight attendant lead? Yeah.
Did we get anything good out of her? Not yet, but she's going on a date with Understone tonight, and Harley has talked her into wearing a wire.
- So she's gonna try to get him to talk.
- Okay.
Wait, wait.
To be clear, the plan is to send in a civilian to try and con a professional con man with tech that Harley bought on an online spy shop.
Well, firstly, Harley's tech is about three generations better than anything this department has.
And secondly, I told you.
I don't like being played.
RAY: I agree.
You don't need to have chips with everything, but you have to have them with bloody fish.
TINA: Okay.
What about sliders? RAY: If I wanted a baby burger, I'd have brought a baby.
(RAY AND TINA LAUGHING) These people gonna talk about every item on the menu? RAY: What about the calamari? TINA: That looks good, but it's a little rubbery here.
This restaurant does not serve calamari.
It's a major oversight, but they do not.
Are you kidding me? We're being played again? He could be anywhere! - Doing anything.
- (DOOR OPENING) Whoa.
Hey, hey, hey! Having fun yet? What game are you playing? That would help.
Now, if I helped, that would be cheating.
I'm guessing you're not a cheater.
Willing to lower my standards to meet yours.
Ouch.
I just thought that I'd pop by and thank all three of you in person for making this such fun.
You enjoy acting, don't you? Not much difference between actors and con men, is there, mate? Well, much as I'm enjoying our little chin wag, I want my thumb back.
Interesting.
It would appear that our game has a secret player.
Well, it's been a laugh.
Well, aren't you gonna arrest him? On what charge? Possession of a body part he clearly is not in possession of? We now know the thumb is at the heart of this.
Why would a thief want a thumb? Maybe it's a famous thumb.
You're right.
It's gonna be Ed Sheeran's thumb.
You don't think we would have heard if Ed Sheeran lost a thumb? It it's gonna be Spooky Spice's thumb.
Biometrics.
A biometric lock.
The thumbprint is the key.
So the question is, what in town is valuable enough that it needs a biometric lock? And the bigger question is, if he doesn't have the thumb ALL: Who has the thumb? Name one way this guy's not run circles around you.
How about when we went to his house and he ran circles around you? I heard you were bonding about acting.
Are you telling him everything now? Of course I am.
It's a criminal investigation.
Great.
We got a double agent on our team.
There's only one team, and last I checked, we were all on it.
Detective Shaw is first and foremost an officer of this police department.
Detective Shaw is first and foremost my best friend from Grade Two.
This whole thing is starting to sound a little Grade Two to me.
Okay.
You want to talk about the good old days? Where were you between the months of October and July, huh? Long 10 months.
What is he talking about? I have no idea.
What are you talking about, Carter? Uh, um I I was just trying to make small talk.
Well, that was very specific small talk.
Yeah, well, just getting to know the new guy, and I guess I know enough now.
This isn't finished.
I mean, obviously, right now, it is, but, uh uh What the hell was that? I don't pretend to understand those guys.
But Carter, he's got to learn where your loyalties lie.
I'm gonna check with Rafalski, see if he's got a rundown on Understone's shopping spree.
I know I should be terrified, but Dot and I are having just such a wonderful time.
Show Mr.
Carter the scrapbook you made.
She says it's perfect.
HARLEY: Look, Dot, it's you and your favourite rifle! (QUIETLY) Now, I know why the man wants her dead.
This is all she knows.
It's all she talks about.
I got the CCTV footage from across the street where I parked the van.
Oh, the lady who owns the laundromat loves Dave.
It's the only business in town that has a little picture of him next to a bigger picture of me.
- It's so cute.
- Here we go.
HARLEY: That guy was at the airport.
He was staring at me.
Thought he was a fan.
He stole the thumb! I'm sorry.
Did you say that man stole a thumb? It's a long story.
You probably didn't need to hear the thumb part.
(QUIETLY) I didn't really hear any of it, but Look, we got to call Sam.
You sure you want to do that, Dave? - She's a mole.
- Yeah, Harley.
Of course we got to Oh, okay.
(SCOFFING) Mole.
SAM: Vinnie Lubanski, also a grifter out of London.
Another one? Maybe Bishop's hosting a convention.
Sam, uh, I just wanted to say I'm sorry about this morning and I'm sorry I keep saying sorry.
Yeah.
What was that about, that whole thing from October to July with Boyle? That was just that was weird.
It was nothing.
You know, he was getting under my skin, and I returned the favour, and I bollixed it.
And it won't happen again.
- Yeah, it will.
- Well, well, well, put a bow on me and open me up like a present.
Is Christmas here early? (LAUGHING) Delilah Halsey.
Oop! One moment, please.
(LAUGHING) Just full access.
This is better.
Hi.
Delilah Halsey.
I have been on the job for one month, and it is my first case with Harley Carter - Right.
- the one and only.
- I'm delighted.
- Delilah.
- Right.
- (LAUGHING) I hear you're one of the best.
We're lucky to have you.
Not as lucky as I'd be to have you.
(LAUGHING) Did I say that out loud? (SNAPPING GLOVE) Hope so.
All right.
If this guy gives you any trouble, Delilah, you come see me.
I don't think he'll be a problem.
You know, Wes told me that you like a little theatricality in our presentation.
Voilà.
Yeah.
That that's just me.
Sam is in more of a straight procedural Oh.
Boring.
(CHUCKLING) Well, good news is, I am cocktail-ready if you want to go for drinks later on.
For the record, I said nothing about a wardrobe change.
- Shh.
- So, was there something that you wanted to show us? - Yes.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- This body was shipped back from London this morning.
Local boy seeing the world drinks too much, falls into traffic.
That's the story.
I have his personal effects but haven't been able to unlock his cellphone yet.
So, what does this have to do with us? Wait for it.
(SNAPPING) Hit it, kid.
Yeah.
That's fun.
- DELILAH: Ta-da! - 'Kay.
I asked you not to do that.
You did.
And you jumped your cue.
- I did.
- We're still working out our dynamic.
- (LAUGHING) - This is Richie Carpenter.
So, if you could SAM: Okay.
His parents died a year ago.
His father was a big-time CEO, extremely wealthy.
And that's horrible, but what what does this have to do with us? Why are we down here? Well, I've been following your case, and this is the real reveal.
Uh-huh.
DELILAH: Ta-da! - She nailed it.
- Nailed it.
WES: British authorities thought the thumb was severed in the accident.
I think it was just supposed to look that way.
Wh when you said the Carpenters were extremely wealthy We need to get to the Carpenter mansion now.
Before Vinnie Lubanski gets there.
Let's go.
- Ah-ah-ah.
We stay here.
- Aw.
Hear anything? No.
Should we find a way in, or, uh, do you just want to wait for the next pizza guy? (WHISPERING) Dave, you go that way.
Go.
The thumb.
Holy crap.
That's a bearer bond, vintage.
One of these alone is worth 100 grand.
Oh.
He left us a note.
"Sorry, chaps, but the best man won.
Consider this a consolation prize just for playing.
Yours, Vinnie Lubanski.
" - He tipped us? - DAVE: Hey, guys? Looks like we're not the only ones who got here too late.
It's Ray.
He's on his phone.
HARLEY: Wish we could hear that conversation.
- (EXPLODING) - Oh! Ah! Dave, you okay? - Dave! - Ow! Every cop in Bishop is looking for Vinnie Lubanski.
It's going to be very tough for him to get out of town.
DAVE: But not impossible! I'm sorry! Did I yell that? My my ears are still ringing! Are you sure that I'm no longer in any danger from this terrible man? I saw his car explode.
And I heard it! It was Okay, yeah.
I think I'm going to need one of those, uh A little celebratory tea.
We'll celebrate when I get my house back.
DAVE: I heard that.
That's some shade, right there.
- Delilah! Oh, hey.
- Hey.
Oh, what's going on? No cocktail dress today? (CHUCKLING) Based on what I'm about to tell you, no one's gonna want to celebrate.
You got a positive ID on the body? (SIGHING) No, his body was burned up in pieces, but I did manage to ID his dental records.
Ah-ba-ba-ba.
Don't tell us.
Don't tell us.
Let us guess.
- (WHISPERING) Started.
- Let us guess! - Okay.
- It's not Ray Understone.
It's Vinnie Lubanski.
Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding! - How'd you know? - You know, I I wasn't positive, but all these little things are are starting to make sense.
Ray found out that Vinnie stole the thumb.
Heck, even if he didn't know that he took it, he knew where it was going.
Ray got there first, ambushed Vinnie.
(THUMPING, VINNIE GRUNTING) Knocked him out.
Did he dispose of the body? No.
He got a better idea.
He waited for us to show up.
We were distracted with thumbs and bearer bonds.
He put Vinnie in his car, okay, adjusted his body just so, putting the phone in his hand.
He wanted us to think that he was killed, faking his own death in an explosion.
(IMITATING EXPLOSION) You're a genius.
And then nobody is looking for Ray.
I literally followed Ray around today as he bought everything he needed to blow up his car.
You know what? Helen's gonna be in danger.
- We got to track her down.
- Yeah.
I'm gonna hit the airport in case he's trying to flee the country already.
- Keep in touch.
- Yeah.
- Oh, Delilah.
- Anything.
You said you had Richie Carpenter's - Phone.
- phone.
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
Welcome.
I'm also gonna need his thumb.
Okay.
Okay, Ray, we may be in business.
I struck up a thing with the guy in 12B.
- He's a hedge fund guy, likes tropical fishes.
- Good! The fish angle is something that we can play on.
Now, let's just get the rules straight, shall we? If we're gonna be a new team, you got to take all your sigs and all your clues from my eye.
That way, we'll be great over the pond.
(TINA AND RAY LAUGHING) What are those two looking at? They're looking for a dead man.
And I think they may have found one.
Ray Understone, it seems the reports of your death have been greatly exaggerated.
BOYLE: Detective Shaw, would you say that a lot of bearer bonds would fit in a satchel of this size? Let's have a look, shall we? - Chips.
- Crisps, mate.
I wasn't gonna make the same mistake twice.
Oh.
All right.
All right.
You got me.
- They should have been duty-free.
- (LAUGHING) We know that you cut off Richie Carpenter's thumb.
And murdered Vinnie Lubanski.
Well, love, why don't you try pinning that on the bloke that stole the bonds? Because you've got sod all on me.
Hey! Sorry for bringing you back here.
We may have been a little premature with the whole "Ray's dead" thing.
I'm sorry.
You told me he exploded.
How could he have survived that? Slight of hand.
You take milk with your tea, right? Yes.
Thank you.
I couldn't help but notice that you put the milk in first.
That's a very British thing, isn't it? Is it? Helen, we just want to run some stuff by you, - you know, use you as a bit of a sounding board.
- Of course.
For the life of us, we could not figure out how Ray was able to stay one step ahead of us.
I mean, like, how did he do that? And then I remembered something he said: "Not a lot of difference between actors and con men.
" I know how he thinks.
He's a con man, and what are con men but actors without scripts? Something eerily similar to something I said to you.
I'm sure I don't recall.
A world-class con man like Ray Understone has to assume that he's being followed, that Scotland Yard would tip us off, so what does he do? He points us right to you.
He wants us to think that he's here to kill you, the lady in 9G, so we'd have to protect you.
He even followed you here to keep up the ruse.
Ruse? Why would he do that? Can I take a look at that hearing aid? What are you insinuating, young man? Well, it's just that I've had a little experience as of late with two-way radio devices, and I don't think that's a hearing aid at all.
We had no choice but to keep you close, and that way, Ray was able to listen in on all of our conversations through your not hearing aid.
It's how he was able to know exactly where we were in the case.
Did you say that man stole a thumb? Any-hoo, Ray's not dead.
The old "died in an explode-y car" trick I wonder who taught him that one? It was his mom.
You.
Dot, these these these parlour scene moments are all about building dramatic tension, so you can't just jump to the end like that.
Just show her the picture.
(SIGHING) This is Richie Carpenter's phone.
We couldn't get into it until you or Ray got cocky and left his thumb behind.
Thank you for that.
Once we got it open, we found this.
Ladies and gentlemen, Helen Understone! Richie walked into the wrong pub that night, but what you didn't know is, also in the pub that night was Vinnie Lubanski.
Vinnie followed you here to Bishop, was about to screw up all your plans when you decided to take Vinnie lemons and explode them into lemonade.
You and Ray were in on this the whole time.
You knew that Scotland Yard was watching, so you wanted it to look like you were in danger.
Time to bring in an inside man, or in this case, an inside mom.
Plus, we found these in your bag.
We could have arrested you 100 years ago, but this one likes to hear himself talk.
Well done, Mr.
Carter.
- You do dazzle, just like you do on the telly.
- Easy.
Hey, come on.
Hey, Helen, you're a grifter, not a killer.
Put the gun - (FIRING) - Ah! Ah! Ah! (FIRING) Dot, you're supposed to act like you're shot! I changed my mind.
It's stupid.
(GROANING) I knew we should have used squibs.
We had to work with what we had.
This is this is just ketchup.
We took the real bullets out of your gun and put blanks in there when you went to the loo.
Brilliant.
However, while you two were out of the room doing whatever it is you were doing, I found this.
(COCKING GUN) Dot, please tell me you do not keep that loaded.
Oh, don't be stupid.
It's always loaded.
Shall we begin with Mr.
Carter? No, shoot me first.
No.
Come on.
Shoot me first.
- Me! - Do not shoot her.
Shoot me! - Shoot me! - Shoot me, please! Cor blimey! You two are the picture of sweet.
(THUMPING) (GASPING) Oh! I told her to shoot me first.
(RADIOS CHATTERING) Hey, Dot are you gonna be okay? I got a cat.
You got a cat? - You hate animals.
- I don't hate animals.
I just hate cats.
Well, Koji always wanted a cat, and so, now, you and I have a cat.
I haven't seen a cat.
It knows I hate it.
I'm working on it.
(KNOCKING) Scotland Yard sends their congratulations.
- And a fruit basket.
- Ah.
(IN BRITISH ACCENT) Classy Brits.
(LAUGHING) (IN NORMAL ACCENT) Listen, Chief, do you and I need to set some ground rules moving forward? BOYLE: Carter, we may have different methods, but this sandbox, it belongs to me.
Right back at you.
(CLEARING THROAT) Let me do that again.
Take two.
Action.
(CLAPPING ONCE) (IN DEEPER VOICE) Right back at you.
(IN NORMAL VOICE) Yeah.
I like that.
Print it.
- Let's go.
- Mmm, give me a second.
One thing we should get clear, sir: I will always do my duty as a member of this police force, and I will never let you down.
That's what I like to hear.
But if you force me to choose between my friends and my job, it's the last you're gonna see of me.
I wouldn't have it any other way.
Hey.
- Hey.
- How's Dave? Uh, his hearing's back to about 40 percent.
The doc says he'll be fine, but we had to put away all of our gadgets until we've fully read the instruction manuals.
- Yeah.
- Here you go.
Oh, where'd you get this? From that latte place over on Leeward.
I had them run a couple over.
They deliver? For the right price, everyone delivers.
Remember when I said I was going to go book that private jet in case Dot needed me? - Well, I got you this airport T-shirt - (GASPING) when I gave you the slip and went and booked it! Aw! Oh, man, that's so thoughtful.
I didn't get you anything when I went back and cancelled your booking.
Oh, that's so funny.
I told them if you cancelled, they should call me so I could rebook it.
Harley, they told me that you told them to call, so I told them to tell you whatever you wanted to hear.
So there was no jet? No.
Well played.
If you could fly anywhere you wanted in the world today, where would you go? Well, if this were a TV show, I'd look at you and say, "Right here, doing what we're doing right now.
One-way ticket.
No connecting flights.
" (LAUGHING) Uh, yeah.
Well, the thing is, we're not on a TV show.
This is real life.
Is it, though? (BOTH LAUGHING) Hit, hit, hit, hit me Hit, hit me