Doc Martin (2004) s02e02 Episode Script

(Seagulls cry) (Whispers) Are you a good boy? Hey? I know for a fact he's busy all morning.
- But if you let me look in the diary - Can't he spare five minutes? If you could come back at the end of the day - (Patient) I can't.
- What's this? - Doctor, sorry to bother you - I was telling Mrs Richards my boy hasn't been right she needs an appointment Shut up.
Thank you.
You're Mrs Richards? - I saw your son last week.
Gavin.
- Bobby.
Has he got something else lodged up his nostril? He's got blisters.
His hands, his mouth.
Bobby! - (Dog barks) - Get out! Not you, the dog.
Come through.
- (Dog barks) - (He growls) Shut the door.
Come on.
Go through.
Go on.
It's a skin infection.
Highly contagious.
Impetigo.
I'll prescribe some antibiotic cream.
Wash his face four times a day, and then apply the cream to the blisters.
- Have to stay home a couple of days.
- A couple of days?! That's what I said.
No contact with others.
No sharing of toys or towels or clothing.
And you mustn't scratch at all.
Cut his fingernails.
- I can't keep him home.
I've gotta work.
- Get your husband to help.
If I mention impetigo, he'll ditch his girlfriend, drive from Glasgow and give our marriage one more try.
Good.
(School bell rings) (Children chatter) - You're gonna be the new head-teacher? - It's not for me to say, Peter.
Will you do something about the IT department? - What IT department? - Exactly.
(Louisa) OK, everybody.
Take that to Mrs Tishell.
She'll give you the tablets.
One in the morning, and one one in the evening before going to bed.
Or you can just die.
Your decision.
Who's next? Cameron Paris.
- (Shouts) Cameron Paris! - He's not deaf.
He is, actually.
Er, right.
Through you go.
Can you get this dog out of here? Now.
(Children chatter) Heard anything? As of 6pm last night, which was the cut-off point for applications, it's between you and two external candidates.
- Have I got a chance? - I'd say the odds are pretty good.
About three to one.
(Man) Oi, oi, oi.
Carry on, Matthew.
He woke up this morning and he was stone deaf.
Hmm.
I'm just going to talk to your mother.
Sorry? There's a build-up of fluid in his auditory canal.
- It's bad news, I'm afraid.
- Good God.
I'm sorry to tell you, but it's only a matter of time before his head explodes.
What?! Back to school, I think.
Cameron, you are in big trouble! Sorry, Doc, he's always trying for time off.
You won't tell his teacher about this? I mean I know you probably have to in your position.
- My position being? - You're one of the governors.
No, I'm not.
Yes, you are.
Since when? I don't know.
But there is a meeting in your diary.
Look.
Friday.
12.
30.
School governors.
(Children shout and chatter) (Dr Ellingham) Mr Sands.
Can you tell me why anybody would think I was a governor of this school? Oh, Dr Sim was a community governor before you.
Dr Blake before him.
- And? - And you said you'd be happy to help.
- When did I say this? - In the letter you sent.
- What letter? - I'll show you.
I've got it in my office.
- Did I sign this letter? - Yes.
At least it was signed on your behalf.
- By my receptionist? - Elaine, yes.
Who is an imbecile, which I would suggest renders your letter null and void.
Ooh! Oh.
Are you all right? Are you OK, Martin? Yes, fine.
Never better.
Thank you.
If you can't make the meeting, we'll have to reschedule the interviews.
- What? - Martin doesn't want to be a governor.
- But I l'm l'm all geared up for Friday.
- I don't understand.
Louisa's one of the candidates for the headship.
We hoped the Board could appoint someone this week.
Martin, we need to get on with this.
Please.
- All right, I'll be there.
- Thank you.
Don't expect any favours, though.
Of course not.
Right.
- Tom, Connor, Amelio.
Chess Club? - Yes, Miss.
- Hi, Mum.
- All right, love? - How was your day? - Boring.
It's always boring.
You've got some post.
Oh, if it's junk, tear it up.
Uh-oh.
Final reminder.
We haven't paid the electric bill.
Oh, God.
(Breathes raggedly) It's OK.
I'm sure they won't cut us off.
I'll go and get your inhaler.
- Thanks, love.
- Are you open yet? We're starving.
We'd like two cod and chips, two chicken and ham pies - (Screams) - Quick! - Mum! - I know, I know! Whoa.
Don't touch it.
It's OK, love.
It's all right, it's fine.
Best get the doc on this one, I think.
OK, OK.
Breathe now.
Breathe, breathe, breathe.
- Doc.
- Al.
- Right, Bert.
Give me some space.
- Oh, sorry.
Yeah, OK, Doc.
All right, Mrs Cronk.
Breathe slowly.
- I just need a moment.
- Yeah, try not to speak.
Do you have any cling film? Got to keep the air from it.
- It's a nasty burn that.
- Nasty.
Gonna call an ambulance.
- I can't leave the shop.
- Shush.
This is Dr Ellingham.
I need an ambulance for the fish and chip shop on Rose Street.
A patient with an acute asthma attack and severe burns to an arm and hand.
No, that's not quick enough.
Oh, you work it out.
Ambulance is on its way.
(Mrs Cronk) Don't make me go.
Mum, you have to go.
We need the money.
I can't go.
- We could run the place for you.
- (She gulps) - I've experience in catering.
- We're plumbers.
I know.
We could keep the place ticking over for you until you're better.
OK? What's that? Oh, no.
You're very welcome, love.
No, really.
(Whispers) lt'll be fine.
They're keeping her in for a couple of days.
They've put her on a nebulizer.
For the burn, she's on morphine.
Where have you been? Talking to her doctor, but clearly I needn't have bothered.
- Mum's worried about where I'll sleep.
- What's wrong with your house? Nothing, except that I'll be all by myself, which I'm guessing is against the law, so I'll have to stay with an adult.
Er, no.
Out of the question.
Not with me, no.
- Why? - Because, erm, it's not possible, obviously.
(Doorbell rings) Oh, Peter, I heard about your mum.
I'm so sorry.
- Peter was hoping he could stay with you.
- No, I wasn't.
Well, erm I don't know.
Well, as I've just explained to Peter, er, you are a a woman.
Oh, glad you noticed.
Yeah, years of medical training.
So, that's all settled, then? - Please.
I'll be quiet.
- Shh.
Well, I'd love to but I'm not sure, Martin.
It's not a great time.
I've got a lot on, Peter.
It's my interview on Friday.
I'm sure you'll work it out.
Goodnight.
But, erm Right.
OK, then, Peter.
D'you wanna come in? Nice to see you.
- Can I watch TV? - No.
I told you.
It's nearly bedtime.
- It's nearly 9pm.
It's not the same thing.
- Peter, please, I need to concentrate.
Just just sit quietly.
What you reading? Stuff.
- What stuff? - Boring stuff, but stuff I need to know.
Now, for the last time, will you shush.
- I'm bored.
- That is not my fault.
I didn't ask you here.
I'm sorry.
I I didn't mean that.
- You're not like this in school.
- What am I like, then? Kinder.
Peter, in school you have my full attention.
And out of school, I have other things.
See, people have other things on their minds.
OK, I'll go then.
Thanks, Peter.
Hey, and don't forget to brush your teeth.
- 'Night.
- 'Night.
(Knock on door) - Who is it? - (Knock on door) - Peter.
- Miss Glasson had things on her mind.
(Phone rings) Hello? (Dr Ellingham) Have you lost something? What are you talking about? - Peter Cronk.
- Sorry? What?! He says you threw him out.
Well the little From the room, not the house.
Look, I needed a bit of quiet, that's all.
I told you I'd got a lot of reading to do.
Well, finish your reading and come and get him.
You couldn't let him stay there with you? No, I'm sorry.
I'm, erm l'm simply not equipped.
Peter? Peter! Oh, God, he he's fallen asleep now.
Well, in that case we'd better not disturb him, then.
Goodnight.
(Sighs) You don't have to walk me to school.
You're my responsibility until I deliver you to Miss Glasson, at which point you become her responsibility, finally.
- Can I have some crisps? - No.
- I'm hungry.
- You should have eaten more breakfast.
- I'll check on your mother today.
- Could I come with you? No.
Miss Glasson can take you to the hospital.
- You'll stay with her from now on.
- I don't want to.
I don't care.
(People chatter indistinctly) - Mrs Richards? - Oh, Doctor, hello.
- Did you bring your son to school? - Yeah.
Did his highly contagious impetigo clear up? - Miss Glasson said I should bring him.
- If she said, then it's OK (!) - Feel free to infect the entire school.
- But Miss Thank you.
Well done.
(Boys shouting) (Miss Glasson) Stop it! Stop it! Oi! Oi! You two, get off! Get off.
Everyone inside now.
What d'you think you're doing, Bobby? - He called me spotty.
- I did not.
Spotty, spotty.
Just stop it.
Louisa.
Can I have a word? You two, wait inside.
Could you call me Miss Glasson in front of the kids? I gave clear instructions that the impetigo case should stay at home.
Bobby Richards, the impetigo case, his mother works.
For a lot of people, work is an economic necessity.
This is a medical necessity.
Unless isolated, the disease spreads.
- Is that clear? - Yes, Doctor.
So you'll send the boy home? I will deal with the situation straight away.
Thank you.
- Oh, Peter.
- What? - Look, I am sorry about last night.
- Yeah, whatever.
Oh, Peter It's not like you're completely innocent.
You can't to walk out in the middle of the night without talking to anyone.
Hmm? Hey, Petey? - Call me Peter in front of the kids.
- Come on.
Oi, inside.
(Siren wails) Hi there, Doc.
All right? Got a minute? Er, no.
Yeah, I've just got some questions.
Bit delicate.
Bit personal.
- D.
O.
B? - What? - Date of birth.
- What for? I have to check to see if you've got a record.
Well, I haven't got a record.
I know.
I have to go through the motions.
If you're looking after a young boy, - I have to be sure you're a fit guardian.
- I'm not looking after anybody.
Have you ever been arrested for a sexual offence? - Absolutely not.
- Bet he has.
Pervert.
You can tell by the look on his face.
I am not looking after Peter Cronk.
That's not what Peter says.
Found him on his own, up on the top road, waiting for a bus to see his mum.
- You can take him.
- No.
You're so concerned about him you look after him.
- I'm on duty.
- So am I.
But are you likely to get called away to deal with an armed robbery? No.
Are you? Come on, Doc, the lad needs you.
Oh, good, you're still here.
Can you look at Cameron's hand? Well, congratulations.
Impetigo.
Erm, er, follow me.
I'll write you a prescription.
Doc says he'd love to take you to Truro.
Thanks.
How can I teach you the secrets of fine cuisine when you're over there? Plumbing's what we know.
We're gonna make it worse for the woman.
I got my merit badge in food preparation before you were born.
You haven't even put the oil on to heat yet.
- What? - Oil.
I'll turn it on when there's a customer.
You've seen their electricity bill.
It's a whopper.
- That oil is gonna take an hour to heat up.
- I know.
We're not gonna make money and we're meant to start on Mr Baskin's cesspit.
When I say I do something, so be it.
But how is it helping if you run her business into the ground? - Well, where are you going? - You stick to your gourmet cuisine, and I'll stick to the plumbing.
Don't mind him, he's a teenager.
Dad, I'm twenty-five.
Twenty-five.
- How's Mum? - Yeah, we're just gonna see her.
- Well, send our love.
Hello, Doc.
- Bert.
Can I try some fish? Just checking.
Mum would want to know.
Fish? - So, Bert and Al are doing a good job? - Definitely.
- Will you thank 'em? - Of course.
You'll be lucky if you get the chance to thank Al.
- What? - It's nothing, Mum.
Nice flowers.
It'll be a while before Bert and Al work together again.
Bert's on his own? - He'll burn my shop down.
- No, he won't.
Will he, Doc? No, course he won't.
Can't even turn the fryers on.
He's, he's selling uncooked fish? (Breathes raggedly) - Mum? Mum? - I'll get the nurse.
- Why did you say that? - I was just trying to put her at ease.
Maybe next time you could put her in a coma or something.
Can I get a video? Why don't you read a book? When I was a child I didn't watch videos.
- Had they invented TV then? - Oh, very funny.
I'll get an educational one.
Wash your hands after touching that.
Isn't it good to build up your immune system? Just (Sighs) (Bird calls on TV) (Elephants trumpeting on TV) - Hi.
- Er, come in.
Um, I just wondered how how Mrs Cronk is? Ah.
Progressing.
Er, Martin, I understand about patient confidentiality, but a bit more than "progressing", please.
Right, yes, she should be home in a couple of days.
Her asthma's under control.
More or less.
I'm gonna refer her to a respiratory physiotherapist.
- Oh, right.
That's good.
- Yeah.
- And, um, thanks for looking after Peter.
- Ah, yeah.
Well.
It's funny the way he looks up to you.
Yeah, it's probably 'cause I don't have a criminal record.
Yeah.
I'll l'll just say hello before I go.
- Hi, there.
- Hi.
What are you watching? Martin? Turn it off.
They're just about to eat the virgin's eyeballs, and then Off.
Now.
- Martin.
- You said it was educational.
Yes.
And he's just said the words "virgin's eyeballs".
Is that bad? (He hums) - Dad? - Oh.
Hello, son.
- Bit quiet? - I've been run off my feet.
I don't know how Mrs Cronk does it.
Another night like this, I'll need a bigger till.
- You'll have change for a fifty, then.
- Oh, right.
- Got a bloke waiting.
Finished his boiler.
- Good.
- Change? - Sorry, yes.
(Till beeps) - Sorry, gets stuck sometimes.
- (Till beeps) - Nope, sorry.
- Let me.
Oh, I'm telling you, it's broke.
You been robbed? Wednesday's a bad night for fish.
Why don't you try Mrs Richards down the pub? She'll sort you out.
You see, ten year-olds don't always know what's best for them.
I did.
Yes.
But, um You're a bit different from the rest of us.
I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that.
I quite like the way you are.
Do you? Yes.
And and about this morning, you know, I do listen to what you say.
There's nothing more important to me than the kids' welfare, and there's no way I'd do anything to put their health at risk.
- Why are you being like this? - What? Like this.
It's nothing to do with Friday, is it? - Friday? - Your interview.
You will have my full support but only if you're the best candidate for the job.
- Why do you always do this? - What? (Whispers) Doc? - (Whispers) Doc? - (Shouts) What?! It's nothing.
It doesn't matter.
Come here.
Peter.
- What is it? - I'm all itchy.
Let me see.
It's what Bobby's got, isn't it? (Woman) It hasn't been long, but they're worse, aren't they? I did everything you told me to.
You've been applying the cream four times a day? Twice yesterday, and Miss Glasson took care of it during school.
What? He's still going to school? Yeah.
Miss Glasson said.
Right.
Miss Glasson said.
Did she? Look up.
Yeah, impetigo.
Has Lucy been in contact with Gavin Richards or Cameron Paris? Of course she has.
Portwenn has one doctor and 966 people who know better.
Ugh, sick.
- That's rank.
- Oh, God, I hate them.
Louisa.
You can't stay away from me.
You allowed infected children into school.
As a consequence, three more pupils have impetigo.
- You ignore my advice? - Martin, please What would happen if everyone in Portwenn ignored medical advice? Disease would rampage.
Bodies will pile up in the streets awaiting burial.
Rats scrabbling through cottages.
- I think you should listen - In years to come, when archaeologists unearth the ruins of Portwenn, someone will ask: "How did this unspeakable disaster occur?" How? Because Miss Glasson said.
I arranged for the sick kids to be taught in separate classrooms.
Well away from everyone else.
No one has swapped books, shared towels or done anything they're not supposed to.
It's not working because there are three more cases of impetigo.
That is not my fault! Or the fault of this school.
Is that clear? Very clear.
Pauline.
Peter, what are you doing? You are contagious.
I've told you, get in the kitchen.
Mum called.
She's coming home this afternoon.
- Wait a minute.
- (Pauline yelps) Write down everyone you've been in contact with in the last 48 hours.
All your friends.
- I'm like you.
Don't have any friends.
- (Door opens) Oh, now why am I not surprised to see you? - He's no better.
If anything, he's worse.
- All right, go through.
We've been applying the ointment.
We need some more.
- But the cream hasn't worked.
- Is it the wrong cream? - It's more likely to be the wrong infection.
- You made a mistake? It was a pertectly reasonable hypothesis.
If it's not impetigo, what is it? We'll find out when we get the results.
I'll give you a call.
Please.
Can you get this to the path lab for analysis? A.
s.
a.
p.
- A.
s.
a.
p.
- Yes.
Er, thank you.
Why are you sending it off for analysis? Ah, because there's a vague chance that it's not impetigo.
- Is it bad? - It's nothing to worry about.
Give me that magazine and pen, please.
Thanks, now get back in the kitchen.
And don't touch that.
- Right, Richard.
Enjoy.
- Thanks.
Ooh, ta.
Ho, I'm gonna need some more fish at this rate.
- Yes, love? - Cod and chips.
- All right, Dad? - Hello.
You do this all by yourself, did you? - Can you see anybody else helping me? - No.
Who taught you how to cook overnight, then? Well, I taught myself, didn't I? Trial and error.
The secret of successful fish batter is no different than the secret of a successful life.
It's all in the wrist.
Ta.
Thank you.
Mmm.
- Right.
- Chips, please.
Coming up.
- Mum.
- Hello, love.
(Mrs Cronk) Oooh.
Oh, what's that? - Doesn't matter.
- Well, what is it? Tell me.
It's a mystery skin disease.
We're waiting for the results.
- Well, how did you get it? - Quite easily.
All his friends have it.
It doesn't matter.
Look at all those customers.
- There we are.
Go light on the chips.
- Thank you, Bert.
Oh, here she is.
Welcome home.
- (Customers clap) - Thank you.
I can't serve them quick enough.
Would you like something? No, thanks, Bert.
I came to say hello and thank you.
You're very welcome.
Do you want me to carry on? No.
No, I think I can take over from now, Bert, thanks.
No you don't, Mrs Cronk.
Not with that hand.
Not for at least a week.
Oh.
I suppose it'll be all right.
- I can help.
- Don't take this personally, but with a face like that, I think you'd best leave it to me.
Right? - Bye, Doc.
- (Bert) Doreen, you ain't paid yet.
What are you doing? What do you mean, what am I doing? You're selling the pub's fish and chips, aren't you? Look, son.
I'm just a good Samaritan doing my best for a neighbour.
Now she fell in the gutter or the batter.
I could have walked on by, but I chose to cross the street, give her a helping hand, give her a few shekels.
And cost her some as well.
Look.
Pub isn't gonna give you this lot for free.
Well, their charges are a bit more than Mrs C's.
Actually, quite a lot more.
We'll have to advise Mrs C her prices are a bit low.
You mean you're paying more than what you're getting? What are you gonna tell her? "Welcome back.
Here's your bill from the Crab and Lobster"? If you don't mind, my food's getting a bit cold.
Yes, now that is a very, very good question.
Enjoyment.
Enjoyment is the birthright of every child.
And teaching should give children the life chances that they deserve.
Setting standards, aiming high, this kind of thing.
Blah, blah, blah.
Yeah.
(Phone rings) - Ellingham.
- Brian Deal.
I've got the results from the swab you sent me.
Very interesting.
- Why interesting? - Seems it's not impetigo after all.
You're dealing with a highly resistant staph - erysipelothrix rhusiopathiae.
That's a zoonosis, isn't it? It is indeed, very rare.
I told you it was very interesting.
This staph can only be passed through animals.
I've not seen a bug as interesting as this since - (Phone beeps) - What's a zoonosis? What what are you doing?! Don't listen to people's private phone calls.
And why are you here? Looking for my exercise book.
You know I'll just look it up anyway, so you might as well tell me.
Er, zoonosis is a disease passed from animals to humans.
- Like bird flu? - Yeah.
- So, are we gonna die? - Not soon enough for my liking.
You've probably got time to get home, if you run.
(Dog snuffling) Right.
Get PC Mylow.
Tell him there's a dangerous dog on the loose.
I want it caught and put to sleep.
- Put to sleep? - Destroyed, Pauline.
Killed.
Sent to that big doggy basket in the sky.
- (Knock at door) - All right, Doc? - Fine.
- Yeah, I've, er, I've spoken to the vet.
The dog can be treated.
That's not enough.
I want him dead.
- The vet? - Ha, ha.
No, I've checked.
This isn't a notifiable disease.
- You don't have the power.
- It's a dangerous dog.
- But has he hurt anyone? - Yes.
Not by attacking them.
He didn't bite the children.
So we can't go by the Dangerous Dog Act of 1991.
He doesn't deserve the death sentence, even if you could give him one.
Those children have an extremely unpleasant skin condition.
Not as bad as having your ears chewed off or your throat torn open.
That'd be nasty.
Why doesn't anyone in this village do as I say? - Mark.
- What? Put that down.
I have work to do even if you don't.
OK.
Well, I'll just finish this and I'll be off.
But that's the law, Doc.
Ooh, you looking up rude words? Trying to find erysipelothrix rhusiopathiae.
Not until you're married.
Don't forget, you've got the school thing today.
If Louisa Glasson gets it, there's a party later at the Crab.
- What happens if not? - No one will talk to you.
- I could live with that.
- Mind you, they won't talk to you anyway.
- Not if you kill the dog.
- I don't need it killed, just treated and removed from the village.
Why are you still here? I've got a flesh-eating bug.
Cool.
It's a micro-organism transferred from animals to humans, most commonly children because they're disgusting.
Now, please, leave.
(Children screaming) Now, quiet, you lot! Peter, what do you think you're doing in here? Now everyone just calm down.
Now quiet or it's detention.
Peter, what's going on? You know you're supposed to be in room three.
I've got a flesh-eating bug! - No, you haven't.
- Yes, I have.
It's called erysipelothrix rhusiopathiae.
- Doc Martin said.
- (Children scream) Can we all just calm down? Peter, you get out! You get out! (Mr Sands) You all know Doctor Ellingham.
This is Mel Collins, our LEA governor, a parent governor, Stu MacKensie, and Tim Barton, the other community governor.
- It was just a mole.
- I beg your pardon? That spot I was worried about.
You said I was being stupid.
I was right, then.
Yeah, er, shall we? What's going on with this impetigo business? - It's not impetigo.
It's a zoonosis.
- Sounds nasty.
I'll give the children penicillin while I'm here.
Surely they're off school, the infected kids? Miss Glasson felt, or, er, it was felt they'd be better off at school.
- That doesn't sound wise.
Miss who? - (Children screaming) Once more and I'll throttle you and feed your body to the seagulls.
Now stay out! Miss Glasson.
One of our candidates.
Er, hello, um If you were gonna improve the school's equal opportunities policy, where would you start? More to the point, how long would it take? Goes without saying.
We have a duty to provide for all children, regardless of gender, race, ethnicity, religion, colour, creed, sexual orientation, disability If it goes without saying, why are you saying it? So, um, we need to understand how progress in in one subject can feed through to progress in others.
And we need to look for ways to make good teaching and learning cross over from one part of the curriculum to to other parts of the curriculum, if you see what I mean.
What would you say were your strengths? This is silly because, as you would imagine, I've prepared an answer to that, but in the heat of the moment How about an answer you haven't prepared? Um I think I'm good at listening.
Oh, is that something a headteacher should be able to do? Absolutely.
Yes.
Because I it means you're still prepared to learn, and how can you encourage others to learn if you refuse to learn yourself? So, if a doctor gave you medical advice, you wouldn't ignore him? - No.
- (Mr Mackenzie) I gather from the doctor, he said the infected kids shouldn't come to school, to prevent the spread of this impetigo or zoonosis, whatever it is.
It's a staphylococcus.
As I said, now that I know what it is, I can treat it with the penicillin I've brought.
Allowing the children to come to school could have put the kids at risk.
How can you justify your refusal to take his advice? Right.
Look, some parents have to work.
They can't keep their kids home without paying someone.
They can't pay anyone if they've not enough themselves.
Now, unlike some people, I understand the reality of life in this village.
I know which parents need help, and what sort of help, and I know how to give it.
I wouldn't put any child at risk of infection.
With respect, you did.
You encouraged the kids to come to school.
You brought them together.
No.
We took special precautions.
We hired an extra classroom assistant.
Every infected child was segregated.
They were taught away from the others.
They were given separate playtimes.
As I told Doctor Ellingham, there was no sharing of books, pens, nothing.
We provided a service to the kids, to the parents, and the community.
And we followed medical advice to the letter.
Thank you, Peter.
Ah, Miss Glasson.
Come in, please.
- I have to see to the children.
- Whether I've got this job or not, I will never forgive you for stitching me up.
- I didn't.
- Then who told them? I'd be entitled to tell them that if I did tell them Because you never listen.
Why don't you listen? Now Peter tells me that the skin infection came from your bloody dog.
- Miss Glasson? - Yes, coming.
It's not my dog.
Next.
Can't I have a flesh-eating bug one more day? No.
Bend over.
- There.
D'you feel that? - Wow, I didn't feel a thing.
- I haven't done anything yet.
- Ow.
There you go.
Right, that's all of you.
Off you go.
Congratulations.
I thought I was the last person you'd want running the school.
No, you were the most suitable candidate, by far.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I'm sorry if if I misunderstood.
Easily done.
I'm having a drink tonight at the pub if you fancy it.
Thank you.
Right.
- (Girls wolf whistle) - (Girls) Hello, Al.
- Dad.
- Hello, boy.
Come to gloat? Have you told her yet? I don't know how to.
Shortfall, it's a lot of money.
- Serves you right, eh? - Oh.
Your old dad's messed up.
There's no need to have a go at me as well.
What do you want me to do about it? Hand you over a wad of cash so you can bail yourself out of trouble? That's up to you.
But I would ask you one thing.
- Mm? - What's family for, eh? Mmm.
Thing is, I had a word with Mrs Richards, she says she's charging you at cost, as you're helping Mrs Cronk.
So she can't imagine why you think you owe her any money.
Nice try, Dad.
(Scratching) (Dog whines) Stop it! Look what you've done! Look! Stay there.
Stay right there.
- (Dog whines) - No, no, no.
Come, come.
(Dog whines) (Crowd chatter) Quiet, quiet, please.
I'd like to propose a toast to our new headmistress.
- (Louisa) Thank you.
- (All) Cheers! Well done.
- It was a bit of a ropey start, though.
- (Mr Sands) Well, you know (Woman) Were you worried about it? - Were you looking down my top? - Yep.
- (Dog barks) - (Dr Ellingham) Get out! English HoH