Doll and Em (2013) s02e02 Episode Script

1 I like your shoes.
Oh, thanks.
Two-tone rules.
Yeah, I know, I love them.
Are you English? Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, me too.
Me too.
I thought so.
Why? Er, the shoes.
And you're not very spatially aware.
Um, what are you doing here? I'm looking for someone.
Who? My sister.
Is she lost? Kind of.
Uh she ran away from home.
How old is she? Same as you.
She'd just been running really slowly.
You're funny.
Don't they say that, ah, everyone in New York is from somewhere else? Yeah, something like that.
So, maybe she's happy.
Maybe.
Oh.
Wow.
That was awesome, wasn't it, Doll? It was God, I I really believed that you were strangers - meeting for the first time in a café.
- It's kind of in the writing.
Thank you guys so much, I can't tell you what it means just to, you know, hear the words.
It was awesome.
- Thank you.
- Can you can you do English accents? Yeah, I'm sure, they can both do brilliant English accents.
It it would be good to hear them.
- Uh well,I can do my best.
- Doll Uh, I was doing one.
Oh no, of course you were, it was amazing.
Thanks, good.
No, I, um, I've always really loved England.
- Uh-huh.
- And, um yeah, I grew up with all that masterpiece theatre stuff.
Like Jane Austin, Thomas Hardy, and Sherlock Holmes, you know.
Yeah, this is, um, more like Shakespeare.
I-It's not as good, obviously.
I didn't I didn't realise that this was an audition.
- Did they tell you that? - Nah.
Oh, no, it's not.
No way.
Is it, Doll? Well, kind of.
Isn't it? I don't understand why we're auditioning other people for it.
Too much pressure writing it and being in it.
- That's all - Yeah, but that's not what it is, is it, Emily? There there is this film that, if I get, it would be a conflict with the play.
- Oh, right.
- So, you can see it's quite weird for me flying all the way to New York to be in a play that we've written for ourselves, and having to listen to other people saying our lines.
They also were very surprised they were being auditioned.
You know, this was meant to be a casual chat.
- Right.
- I know.
And if we'd been in the play, we wouldn't have had to do that, but now we're directing it.
- Of course.
- God, do I have to? No, you don't have to, Em.
You don't have to do anything.
Even the things you say you're going to do, you don't have to do.
Exactly.
No Do you know what, if you want to speak another language, I'll jump in, too why don't we speak in French, or Italian even maybe, or Dutch? But I can't understand - what you're saying.
- It's not just a film, Doll.
I get terrible stage fright, you know that.
- She doesn't no she'd be fine.
- I do! It's when my vertigo kicks in, the absolute worst.
- Imagine if I really did want to - But it never would.
run out into the audience, or I did it, or pee or something, or the or end up crawling round on my hands and knees and then I'd see you out there and you get that weird look - in your eye and I'd - What the hell do you mean.
know you were thinking shout me - Can I say something? - something out.
- I'd definitely be able to control myself! - Can I say something? First of all, you two shouldn't be in this play.
Second, you go and find two actresses who will, because Evan and Olivia don't want to do it.
- (Both) What? - Yeah, they're gone.
- They had it.
They're finished.
That's it.
- What? That's so mean.
Why would they just change their minds? Chaotic? Weird energy? In what way? Jumping up! Up! Good! One more! Up! That's it! One, two.
Now! OK! Up! Up! Up! Her bottom was amazing, it really cheered me up.
I know, apparently she's in The Lion King.
Maybe we should go and see it.
Definitely.
So sorry about not being in the play, Doll.
I feel terrible.
No, I think it's actually good, us not being in it.
Frees us up to direct it.
I mean, it's our vision.
How hard can directing be anyway? Quite hard, I'd imagine.
We've just got to get those girls back.
I think they could be quite good with a bit of direction, obviously.
I thought you weren't into them.
No, I think they're perfect, I love them.
Yeah, I thought they were really good.
And there's no pressure, Em.
I'll do the heavy lifting, - you'd be free to do your space romp.
- It's not a romp, it's quite dark.
Well, I think our play is going to rock New York, I feel really good about this.
Yeah, I feel really good about this.
I'm sorry about Evan and Olivia.
I think I felt a bit confused about why I was here at first.
A bit lost.
Cos I'm sort of with you, but not with you.
It's quite a weird being downstairs and hearing all the upstairs and I don't quite know how when I'm supposed to come up and Em? No, it's all good.
Just find out what soldiers earn and take it from there.
- Oh, you're asleep.
- No, I'm not.
Yeah you are, you're sleep talking, I think I'm going to go to bed.
No, I'm wide awake, I know about a dozen soldiers and we've talked about it.
That's a ludicrous idea.
How can you direct a play on Broadway? - It's off Broadway.
- On or off, ridiculous.
- Why do you keep scratching your head? - I'm not.
- Have you got an itch? - No.
That'd be the grandchildren.
They're all completely riddled with them.
Mum, can you send my birth certificate? I can't get paid until I sort all that out.
I think you look very wild.
Do I? I have I haven't got a mirror down here.
Basements can be very grisly.
Shouldn't you just come home? I-I can't come home, only I've got to go and get April from school and then we're having a very important dinner tonight.
- Oh - I'll Skype you tomorrow.
Bye, Mum.
What date is the service, then? Er, the 20th, I think.
Shit, that's right in the middle of rehearsals.
Did I tell you Don and I are directing it now? What? What? Nothing.
Well, I'm really sad to miss Peter's memorial service.
He was Dad's friend.
Do you think he'd have given a toss whether you were there or not? Have a drink and forget about it.
That's what Peter would've done.
What's going to happen when I die? Won't even be a memorial service because no-one will know where to have it.
I'll be shipped back to England in a body bag.
No-one will claim me, so I'll be sent back to America to rot in lost property.
I did tell you not to go to America.
- Hello? - Hey, it's me.
I'm on the way to get April and then I'll just come straight back to yours.
OK, sweetheart.
Thank you.
And don't worry about Olivia and Evan.
I am going to be amazing when I get there.
Awesome.
Don't forget that American women are more strong and, er, opinionated than us.
They're they're more reconstructed or something, OK? Whatcha mean? I don't know, they're just more direct and confident about having what they want, about everything, about not being ashamed to ask for things and get things, you know.
Like loads of my girlfriends here have had same-sex relationships, for example.
Well I'm wearing a suit, so that's a start.
- Brilliant.
Maybe I should wear mine.
- Yeah, definitely.
Yeah, it's awesome, Mikhail seems to have talked them round - we just have to be very charming.
- Oh okay, cool.
Of course we will.
Hey, ooh, wait, hang on there's someone on the line, maybe that's them.
Hello? 'Hi, Emily? This is Hillary' Oh, hey! No, no, this is the perfect time, Hillary.
Um, w-wait one second will you, my my friend's on the other line, let me just get rid of her, OK? Shit, Doll, I completely forgot I'm meant to be doing an interview, - I've got to go.
- All right, then, bye.
Hey, sorry, Hillary.
Mum, I'm hungry! - I know! - Mum! I know! I know! Mum.
Oh, my God, that's hilarious.
- No, no, no.
- Mum, I'm hungry! Thank you, thank you so much.
Oh! Wait, Hillary, just one second, oh, there's someone ringing me off the hook on the other line, let me see who it is, OK? Sorry, I'll be right back.
Hello? - Em, I don't know where I am.
- Mum I'm - Where's the school? - hungry - Where are you? - Ssh! I don't know, there's black metal railings and then a-a huge brick building.
- Where's the school from here? - Please, I want - I don't Doll, You're - pizza! really close, don't worry about April, she's safe, she's fine, she's at the school.
Just just just You ask someone, okay? I've got to finish this interview, I'll be really quick.
- I'm so hungry! - Ssh! OK? P-please, just give me one second, okay, let me finish this thing and then I'll be right with you, okay? Ssh! Hillary, hey! - I hear you - Ah, yes, that is true.
I am now a US citizen, yes.
Mum.
How do I feel about it? Um, started off as a sort of tax dodge, initially.
Um and then but then I had to do all these blood tests and show photos of my wedding, answer 100 questions about the constitution and, ah I felt like saying, why are you making me feel like I should be so grateful? - Hang on, Hillary, sorry, one second.
- Okay.
- Hello? - I'm I'm totally lost, and I keep trying to ask people and no-one can understand me, I feel so foreign, Em! But then the weirdest thing happened, you know, I-I I found myself in this, um, naturalisation ceremony in this, ah in Brooklyn, and I-I was just standing there in the in the law courts with with all these people from all over the world, you know, all different races and nationalities and religions and the judge gave the most moving speech.
He he just he he thanked us and he he told us that America was a better place today than it had been yesterday because we were all there.
And he said that, 50 years ago, he'd been standing in that very courtroom, oh, oh, sitting on his Irish father's shoulders, um, holding his certificate of naturalisation and that we should all really treasure these pieces of paper, because they were symbolic of the long and and sometimes difficult journeys that we'd all made to be there and it made me cry, it was just this really incredibly moving moment, you know? Oh, God, that's so sweet, that's so moving, Em.
Thank you, I feel so much better.
I think I'm at the school, as well.
I can see, hang on.
Yeah, I've got April, I'm gonna I'll run and get her now, so it's it's all good, thank you, Em.
Hillary? Hillary? Hello? Hillary? Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Awesome, thank you.
So, have you got a lot of homework? - No.
- You're lying.
You keep scratching your head, do you have head lice? - No, do you? - No.
Oh, can we just go home? Just going to quickly pick up this mirror I saw outside a house.
Do you really need a mirror? Aren't you single? Ah! - It was actually quite good stuff, but - Nhh.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Is the mirror still for sale? - Yeah.
How much is it? Er, 100 bucks.
Would you take 40? - Sold.
- Cool, and how do you hang it? I've got a chain, I could sell you it for another ten.
Yeah, okay, great.
Oh, April, have you got any money on you? I've only got 40.
No, I've just got a nickel.
Well, 25 cents isn't going to get much.
- Is there a bank anywhere near here? Okay.
- There's one around the corner.
Hey April, two minutes.
You want a yoghurt? Coming! Just coming! - Hi! - (Both) Hi! - Welcome! Thank you so much for coming.
- Thank you.
- This is great.
- Gosh, thank you.
Come in.
Just go through there, dinner's nearly ready.
- Whoa, those are fierce boots.
- Oh, gosh, - do you think? - Yeah.
Practically fell down the stairs and broke my neck.
Should never have worn them, they're stupid boots, I couldn't decide which to wear, but probably best without them cooking dinner.
What would you like to drink? - Hello? - Hi, they're here, where are you? Oh, yeah yeah.
I'll come now, sorry.
Hey.
Sorry.
Are they a nightmare? Oh! My God, I'm so sorry, I thought you were Em.
- Sorry.
- Fine, no, it's yeah - There you go.
- Thanks.
Hey, - finally.
- Hey.
All right? - So, dinner's ready, I think.
- (Both) Great.
Shall we go through? - Yeah, I'll keep my - Careful! - How many do you want? - Two, please.
If they're all red, does that work? No.
Yeah, if they're all the same, - like diamonds or hearts.
- Oh.
The company was called Capricorn Fish.
So weird! Um but anyway, the end of the thing was that he had to buy his own ticket home and he'd been just swindled - completely by the production company.
- Mm.
Oh shit, I forgot how It was really funny, - when he told us it yesterday - It's no that funny.
It's not that funny.
So, how's this going to work, like? Which one of us is playing which one of you? Mm.
Oh no, they're not us, the characters are not us - No, they're just versions of us.
- Yeah.
Er, but but you could draw straws.
I think I should play you.
Great! Why me? Just an instinct.
Now, so, why aren't you two playing the parts? We thought about it, but we decided it would be better not to in the end, didn't we? Mm.
Yeah.
How long have you two been together? Oh no, we're not together.
Sorry.
- I'm married.
- Yeah.
- But we're so open to that - I mean, we could have, might have been.
- We would've been when we were younger, - Yeah.
- We're totally yeah.
- Up for that, yeah.
- No judgement about anything like that.
- Absolutely, no.
- I've got loads of friends who've had - Open minded but, yeah.
- Lots of girlfriends, yeah yeah.
- Shall I get the pudding? This was too salty, wasn't it? - Oh, no, no.
No, it was lovely.
- Are you sure? So, is this your first time playing an older woman, as well? Yeah.
- It's a lot to think about.
- Yeah! I know, I'm really trying to wrap my brain around playing someone that's such a different stage in their life, because Grace is - she's 42, right? - Right.
- Yeah.
- She's got no home, no career, no relationship, really.
I really like that she is English, but I think I almost think they're saltier than most, - they're like, unlikeable.
- Mm-hm.
I mean, I guess unlikeable's cool.
- Yeah, it's interesting.
- I just want to make sure we sell the age.
Yeah, well, you know they have those rice bags that you can tie on to give your stomach this - Pooch.
- Pooch, yeah.
Pooch.
And you know, if you could have fake teeth, they can really, just, like, - change your whole face.
- Yeah Oh, God, I completely fucked up the custard, it's all lumpy.
Aw.
I'll get that.
No, she didn't fuck it up, she's just saying that, she's fishing for compliments.
No, I know, I always do say that but this time it's true, I curdled it or something gross plus I grated a bit of my fingernail into the lemon zest.
- You just do not give a shit, do you? - It's fascinating.
Yeah.
This is going to be fun.
You guys are a trip.
Oh, my God.
I am so sorry.
Oh, God.
- You still owe me 50 bucks for this.
- Yes, of course, of course.
- That's all snack money.
- Ssh! Thank you so much.
Oh, God.
- I won't forget this.
- Yes, yes, OK.
Thank you.
- Bye.
- See ya.
Thanks, bye.
Believe me, you are never saying a word of this to your mum, OK? Go upstairs, quietly! - Who was it? - Actually got a mirror delivered.
Really cool.
Nice, isn't it? - Yes.
- Nice.
- Wait, there's a little, um, dot on it - Oh is there? Oh no, is there? Yes.
- It's like a beauty mark.
- Yeah, sort of.
- Hi! - Hi! Oh - Well, thanks for coming.
- Thank you.
- Thank you for having us.
- Yes.
Thank you.
- Cheers.
- Cheers! - Oh, look.
- What? - What are you looking at? - Oh, not to worry.
So, I just want to be sure that this theme of long-lost siblings, whatever, is clear for the audience, you know.
- Yeah.
- Don't want to be pedantic or anything, but just make it clear.
God, I can't stop itching my head! Yeah, no, well it will be, cause, you know, Grace um Grace knows that they're siblings right from the beginning and then Lilly will get a feeling of, sort of, affection and love - that she had with her dad.
- Right.
- That they both had with their fathers? - Yeah.
But, so, how does that mean they're related to each other, then? Fathers can't have had an affair with each other.
- No, they didn't! - They didn't.
The mothers could've had an affair with - each other.
No.
Has to be, - Yeah.
No - one of their fathers - and one of their mothers - One of their mothers perfect.
- Yes.
Okay.
- Okay, but which one? - Does that matter? - Don't think so, does it? - No, okay - Awesome, this is great.
Let's write it - Okay - down before we forget.
- like part numbers.
I think we should think about losing your beard.
The beard explains everything, it's a rebellion against a very controlling life.
Do you think? What do you think English girls just, sort of, never have a bath - and are just riddled with head lice? - Head lice, yes.
Imagine if you got it now, you'd have to shave your beard off.
- That's not going to happen.
- No, I know.
Is everything OK? - Are you OK? - I think so.
Come on, I'm sensitive.
It's OK.
I've completely lost my bearings, I can't tell where I am in New York.
- Hey, we, um - Hey! - Hello, mate.
Good to see you.
Take care.
- Hey how are you? Hello.
Hello.