Family Ties (1982) s02e02 Episode Script

I bet we've been together for a million years and I'll bet we'll be together for a million more oh, it's like i started breathing on the night we kissed and I can't remember what I ever did before what would we do, baby without us? what would we do, baby without us? and there ain't no nothin' we can't love each other through ooh-hoo what would we do, baby without us? sha-la-la-la where's Mallory? Ah, she's still getting dressed.
What's taking her so long? Jeff is gonna be here any minute.
That's what's taking her so long.
Look, Jennifer, let me explain to you a few things about the female of the species.
This ought to be good for a laugh.
You see, the most important weapon that that any female possesses is her ability to attract the male.
For example, the, uh, the female blue Jay has her decorative plumage.
Thus, right now Mallory is upstairs putting on her feathers and snapping on her beak.
Alex, it is the male blue Jay that has the pretty feathers.
Okay, okay.
Occasionally, you'll find a deviant Jay or two, but As a rule, most birds play it straight.
Give it up, Alex.
Well, what do you think? Did Jennifer say you could borrow that? This happens to be what all the college girls are wearing this year.
You like it, don't you, Jen? Yeah.
You look Cute.
Cute! I don't want to look cute.
I want to look sophisticated.
Maybe you should put on a false mustache.
Mallory, why are you so nervous? Jeff is crazy about you.
He was crazy about me before he went off to college.
I'm just nervous that he's changed.
Alex, you got to help me out.
What do you think i could do to be more interesting to a college man? Buy a car.
Look, let's face it, Mallory.
You have always been Borderline interesting at best.
Jeff has been away at Princeton.
He he's mingling with people of the world, with jet setters and cover girls.
Nice of you to cheer her up, Alex.
Okay, okay, Mallory, I'll help you out.
A few pointers to get you in tune with the way a college man thinks.
Great.
Go ahead.
Okay, let me see.
Uh, books.
Just discuss books.
Okay.
Uh, have you read, uh, "the Scarlet pimpernel"? "Wuthering heights"? Uh, "the sound and the fury"? I saw "the sound of music.
" Now, wait a minute.
What am I worried about? I know Jeff still likes me.
I'm sure of it.
Listen to these letters.
"Mallory.
" That's me.
"The cafeteria food is worse than I imagined, "and as I sit here "looking at the corn in cream sauce, I think of you.
" "Your pal, Jeff.
" Can you believe how romantic he is? I don't know, Mallory.
Uh, I may be a little jaded, but, uh, that doesn't sound all that romantic to me.
That's because you don't know how to read a love letter.
You got to read between the lines.
Like when he says the food stinks, he means, "i miss you.
" So if he really meant the food stinks, w-what would he say? "Be my love"? Elyse: Okay.
Dinner is set.
I hope Jeff likes lasagna.
I hope he likes me.
Mallory, stop worrying.
Jeff is crazy about you.
What if he's all different now? What if he's not shy? What if he's not sweet? What if he just doesn't like me anymore? Of course he still likes you.
Why else do you think he's coming for dinner tonight? You think it's just for the lasagna? Well, he did write me how awful the food was at college.
Oh, come on, honey, that was just his way of telling you he missed you.
See, Alex? Oh, I'll get it.
Wait.
Don't answer it! It could be Jeff.
Maybe I should change.
No.
You look cute in Jennifer's outfit.
Oh.
Honey, you look fine.
Really.
Hey, Jeff, welcome home.
Hi.
How are you? Hi, Jen.
Hi.
Hey, Alex.
And who's this? Jeff, it's me, Mallory.
I know it's you.
What happened to your sense of humor? Oh, that's clever.
Very clever.
"Boola boola.
" Mallory, did you make these cookies? They're great.
Well, i-i kind of helped.
Mallory's the one that set the oven on 375.
We're all pretty darn proud of her.
So, Jeff, tell me, have you read "the withering pimpernel"? You know, Jeff, everyone was very impressed when you got that scholarship.
Whole town's very proud.
I am, too.
I'm truly delighted that things are going so well for you there at the, uh, league of Ivy.
Well, I think I'll go change for our date.
What's wrong with what you're wearing? Don't be silly, papa.
This outfit is simply for dining, not for an evening on the town.
My apologies, ma petite.
He's so amusing, isn't he, Jeff? Oh, Mrs.
Keaton, could Alex and I do that? Huh? Being at college, I never get to clear the table anymore.
I kind of miss it.
I don't think I want to go to college.
Okay.
Have fun.
If you really want to have a good time, mop the floor.
Alex, I have a confession to make.
I really didn't want to clear the table.
Well, neither do I.
There's the back door.
Let's make a run for it.
I'm serious.
I have to talk to you.
All right, Jeff, go ahead.
Alex, college is terrible.
I'm homesick.
I'm confused.
I don't want to be at Princeton.
I hate it there.
Ah, you had me going for a minute, you kidder, you.
I know what this is.
This is a fraternity prank, right? No.
I-I'm not kidding.
You know how in high school, you're one of the smartest kids? Yeah.
It's one of my favorite things.
Well, at college, all the kids were the smartest kids in their high schools.
I'm just average there.
Just average? I don't think i could tolerate that.
I'm disoriented.
I-I'm nervous.
There's too much pressure.
I'm not happy.
So, what are you two chaps talking about? Jeff was just telling me About the great college days I'm having.
Did did I tell you, in a few weeks, we go against Yale in Polo? No.
What will they be wearing? Did you like the movie? Yeah, I did.
It was great.
Why? Didn't I act like I liked it? You did.
You did.
This is nice, too.
Just relaxing.
Mallory I don't know how to say this.
I knew it! You don't want to see me anymore.
No, that's not it.
Will you go steady with me? You don't have to answer right away.
Yes! You hesitated.
Does that mean you're not sure? No! I'm sure! I'm thrilled! You don't like it.
I love it! It's your French club pin! Oh, I want you to pin it on me! Where? On my sweater.
Jeff, it's traditional to pin it closer to the heart.
There.
How does that look? Great.
Oh.
I just have one question.
How can we go steady if you're at Princeton? You mean, how can i go to Princeton if we're going steady? Either way.
I've given this a lot of thought, and the best thing would be for me to transfer to school here in town.
Are you serious? Sure.
Why not? I didn't know how much you meant to me until I went away.
I guess you could tell that from my letters.
Any fool could tell from those letters.
Sure, if I graduated from Princeton, I could probably do anything i want with my life.
But right now, you're what I want.
I don't know how I could be somewhere where you're Not.
Jeff, I didn't know you felt this way.
You probably haven't noticed this, but I'm a "keep it inside" kind of guy.
It's great that nothing's changed between us, isn't it? Nothing's changed, and nothing's going to change.
Ow! Nothing like unwinding on a Saturday morning, huh, Alex? I like to stay wound, dad.
It's what gives me my edge.
I-I'll relax tonight at the homecoming dance.
Who are you going with? Oh, you don't know her.
I don't know her, either.
You're too selective, Alex.
You've got to lower your standards a little.
I thought you had a strict policy against blind dates.
Oh, I do.
I do.
This isn't a blind date.
I've seen her yearbook picture.
She's on page 157.
So all you know about this girl is what she looks like and what page she's on? I know her name, i mean Couldn't forget that.
It's inga Something.
And I know she She's chock-full of pep, she speaks fluent Latvian, and best of all, she's a member of the future farmers of America.
Don't let her get away, Alex.
Morning, Mallory.
Oh, yes, hi.
I've got an announcement to make.
It's really important.
You found a new eye shadow.
Alex.
Jeff and i are going steady.
I was stunned, too.
You're what? Oh, he just asked me last night.
I don't know if I like the idea of you going steady.
Why not? I thought you liked Jeff.
Well, I do, uh, but as terrific as Jeff is, I think you're too young to restrict yourself to one person.
Steven: You don't want to miss out on your youth.
If going steady at 15 is okay, when is it okay to get engaged 18? Then what Married at 20? Isn't that the way you and mommy did it? We're not gonna forbid you to go steady, but we don't think it's a good idea.
I think it's a wonderful idea.
He gave me this.
It's his French club pin.
It means l'amour.
Sure it doesn't Sure it doesn't mean he didn't want to spring for real jewelry? You have to make fun of everything, don't you, Alex? I feel sorry for you.
You feel sorry for me? That's right.
It's too bad you've never felt the love for another person that I feel for Jeff.
I've felt love, Mallory.
Love is a sacred thing.
I just like to keep it in perspective.
Mallory, this doesn't make sense.
How can you go steady with someone who's going to school so far away? That's the best part, mom.
He's coming home.
He's gonna go to Grant college.
Grant college? That's not a real school.
You could get into Grant college.
That is enough out of you, Alex.
Jennifer, could you help me pick out an outfit for the dance tonight? But we only have 10 hours.
That's cutting it close, but I'm game.
Some people search their whole lives for the right person.
I'm so lucky i didn't have to wait.
I can be happy from now on.
You know, I knew Jeff was unhappy at Princeton, but, uh, not this unhappy.
What makes you think Jeff was unhappy at Princeton? Oh, he told me last night.
He he went on and on about how he couldn't handle it there, how he didn't fit in.
I thought that I'd convinced him to stay, give it a chance, but then he goes and he pulls a stunt like this.
I don't like it, Steven.
I don't either, Elyse, but let's, uh, give it some time and see how serious they get.
Hello? Yeah, uh, just a minute.
Alex, it's for you.
Inga.
Ah.
The future farmer.
Hi.
How you doing? Hey-hey, congratulations! Her pig had a baby.
What? Uh, well Well, i-i don't know.
I mean, if you want me to.
Uh, put her on.
Sooey! Sooey! It's a pig.
No, no, inga I got to take a break.
My legs are buckling.
I don't do the plowing that you do.
Inga likes to dance, huh? Well, she threatened to hog-tie the band if they took a break.
Man: And one more time, boys.
And a one and a two Whoa.
Got out of there just in time.
I'm glad someone's dancing, anyway.
Mallory, what's the matter? Where's Jeff? Alex, we haven't danced once.
This whole evening has been Has been a stroll down memory Lane.
We visited the cafeteria.
We we looked up his favorite books in the card catalog.
We went to the chem lab and took pictures of his old bunsen burner.
Well, that's, uh That's natural.
I mean I mean, after all, it is his first time home.
He probably just wants to see some of the things he missed while he was away, that's all.
I know.
It's just that I thought that I was one of 'em.
Inga: Sooey! Sooey! Uh, that's for me.
Inga, wait Mallory, you should have gone with me.
That window in my homeroom is still broken.
It was great.
Jeff, when are we gonna dance? Soon.
I just want to see my old locker.
What a locker.
This will be one for the album.
It's just like the old days.
Same girl, same locker.
Jeff, i don't understand why you even brought me here tonight.
You might as well be here by yourself.
Mallory, I haven't been in this school for four months.
It's not the same for you.
You're here every day.
What are you talking about? I-it's hard to be away from home.
I-I'm scared.
I'm confused.
I-i get homesick.
You don't know what I'm going through right now.
What you're going through? What about me? I'm out with someone I was supposed to be going steady with.
You know, "going steady.
" That means two people A girl and a boy, not a girl and a boy and his locker.
Mr.
needham! Remember me? Oh, well, how could I forget? Roger.
Jeff.
Mendoza.
Wakefield.
Right, right.
You still working at the firestone plant? Uh, no, i went to Princeton.
How is it? I'm dropping out.
Good for you.
I love that man.
Jeff, this has been a ridiculous evening.
Take me home.
Why? I thought everything was going so well.
Say, uh, don, could you give me a hand here? Uh, someone spilled some punch.
Sure.
The school needs me.
Just like the old days.
How's it going, Alex? Great.
Great.
Boy, can that girl bale hay.
I'm glad someone's having a good time, anyway.
Didn't Jeff come back? Yeah, he came back.
Took a few snapshots of his favorite locker.
And now he's off mopping up punch with his favorite teacher.
We haven't danced once all night.
Oh, great.
That's my favorite song.
Uh, you want to da You want to dance? I'd love to.
Really? You're a hard guy to figure, Alex.
I never thought you'd go for a farm girl.
Call it Animal magnetism.
What do you possibly have in common with this girl? Oh, the land, dad.
The land.
She's special.
She's contributing to the breadbasket of America.
She's got dirt under her fingernails.
That's a nice quality in a date.
Well, hi, mal.
How was the dance? Mom, I'd like to speak to you alone.
Come on, Alex.
Let's continue this up in the bunkhouse.
She was at one with nature, dad.
It was thrilling.
Stray ducks followed us home.
Aw, Mallory, what happened tonight? Nothing.
That's the problem.
Jeff hardly knew i was there.
Mallory, have you asked yourself why Jeff wants to come back home? I know why he wants to come back home.
He wants to be with me.
Well, I know I know that's part of it, but but Jeff's been very unhappy at school.
You know, the first year of college can be a very frustrating experience.
Okay, I admit Jeff is homesick.
He's confused and scared.
Doesn't mean he doesn't care about me, does it? Of course he cares about you, mal, but that's not the point.
You see, i-i think it's hard for him to admit that he's scared, that he might not be good enough, and it's nicer to think that there's this this wonderful girl back home that he just can't live without.
Mom, Jeff is the sweetest guy I know.
He makes me feel like I'm the most special person in the world.
No one else does that.
I don't want to lose him.
Oh, honey, sometimes when you love someone, the best way to hold on to him is just to let him go.
Oh.
Sounds like Jeff.
Probably wants to look at our door once more, for old time's sake.
Oh Hi.
I hope i didn't wake anybody.
No, Jeff.
Normally we don't sleep this close to the door.
Good point.
Good night.
There she is.
You know, it's crazy.
These past two months, all I've wanted to do is be with you.
Tonight I could have been, and I was, but I wasn't.
Is this what you looked like tonight? Pretty much.
And I didn't notice you? Well, it's kind of tough to compete against a great-looking locker like old 235.
Jeff, we need to talk.
I know.
You want to go first? No, you go ahead.
Mallory, you know, the first year of college can be a Jeff, I thought i was gonna go first.
I'm sorry.
Go ahead.
Well, Jeff, you know, the first year at college can be a very frustrating Experience.
Right.
Go on.
And it might seem like the easiest thing to do would be to just Come home.
Exactly.
This is good.
Jeff, you know you mean a lot to me.
And you mean a lot to me.
And sometimes when you care about someone, the best way to hold on to them is to let them go.
I think I should go back to Princeton, Mallory.
You do? So do I.
You do? I was hoping for a little, "Jeff, please don't go.
" Well, I was kind of hoping for a little, "but, Mallory, i can't leave you.
" It is gonna be hard to leave you.
It's gonna be hard to see you go.
What's gonna happen to us? No girl's ever liked me like you before.
I'm afraid of losing you.
I am, too, but I'm glad we're afraid.
That must mean we really care.
Do you think we can still go steady on weekends and holidays? Weekends are tough.
Princeton's so far away.
Okay, just holidays, then.
What are you doing on Lincoln's birthday? Jeff, let's just play it by ear.
It's worked out pretty well for us so far.
I guess it'd be wrong for you to keep the pin.
We don't need a pin to say how much we care for each other.
No, we don't.
Are you busy groundhog day?