Felicity s02e02 Episode Script
The List
Previously on "Felicity" Would you still want to date her if you knew that she loved you? Yes, I like her.
Youre not ready for this.
End it.
OK? Trust me.
I know what I'm talking about.
God.
Sally I don't know what this is but I think maybe it's love.
I can't believe it.
I used to just hope I'd run into him.
Kissing in the back room and making plans.
All I know is.
I want this feeling to In You sure this isn't rickets? Oh, get away from me, freak.
Or maybe it's scurvy.
What? Did you listen to my tape? What if I did? I can I cannot believe you.
I mean, would you break down in tears or start popping pills or what? I'm just curious.
My tapes are private, OK? I put intensely personal things on them things that aren't any of your business.
Things I couldn't care less about.
It would be like me looking in your box, OK? Wait, you looked in my box? I was making an analogy.
Between what?! Forget it.
Fine.
I didn't listen to your damn tape but if that's the way you 're gonna be, whip it out.
- What? - Your tape.
You think it compares to what's in my box? Prove it.
You let me listen to the tape, I let you look in the box and then we'll know which one is more intense.
- Fine.
- Fine.
But I'm not gonna play the whole tape.
Just do it.
All I know is.
I want this feeling to Iast the rest of my life.
God.
Sally.
I dont know what this is but I think I mean maybe it's love.
OK.
- That's lame.
- Whatever.
Let's just see what's in the box.
I don't think so.
Unbelievable.
Dear Sally, So, week one of my sophomore year was over.
Ben and I were doing great and being an R.
A.
was actually turning out to be a fun challenge.
Um.
Before we start this meeting Meghan and I just wanted to say how much we've enjoyed this first week with you guys.
You've all been amazing, so Except for you.
You're weird.
- Meghan.
- What? He eats his hair.
OK.
Um.
So Let's just open up the discussion and just feel free to talk about any problems or concerns or - I have a concern.
- There's a shock.
Well.
I just want to say that I might be laughing on the outside but I'm crying on the inside.
I think that's something you should keep an eye on.
Are there any real problems or concerns? Gretchen.
I can't handle this anymore.
Uh, OK.
I'm gonna go see if she's OK.
Don't give her attention.
That's exactly what she wants.
Meghan, that's our job.
Sucker.
Hey.
I'm sorry I ruined your meeting.
What's going on? My boyfriend Ian I'm losing him.
What do you mean? Last night we were supposed to go to the library and he totally forgot.
Did you talk to him about that? He doesn't like to talk.
So, I was I was thinking of of doing this.
"10 Steps To Winning Him Back"? They say it works.
"One: Seduce him on the cell phone.
"When your ex is en route "give him a ring on his mobile "and purr naughty nothings.
" "Two: Fire him up with lusty lingerie"? Sort of obvious.
"Three: Put blush on your nipples"? OK, you cannot do this.
Gretchen look, I can't tell you what to do, but I mean, if this were me I wouldn't be in a relationship where I couldn't be myself.
I mean, those lists are asking you to be a lie and pretend you 're someone you 're not and you shouldn't have to do that to keep your boyfriend interested.
I mean, you want Ian liking you for you not liking some girl a stupid magazine made up right? Do you have a boyfriend? Um, sort of.
We're just kind of starting out.
The beginning's the best, isn't it? They're always really sweet and romantic.
Ian used to leave me love notes everywhere my backpack, in my shoes.
Then one day, he got this funny look on his face.
- A funny look? - Yeah.
And I never got another love note again.
I haven't really seen that yet a funny look on Ben's face I don't think.
But.
God.
I don't want to over-analyze this.
I just want it to be what it is which.
So far.
Is great.
Hey.
What're we gonna do about tonight? I thought we were gonna go see that movie in Bryant Park.
No.
We are.
I meant about food.
Maybe we should take a picnic.
We could be evil and pilfer from our workplace.
As long as we don't pilfer these muffins.
Why? What's wrong with them? Nothing.
I just eat, like, twenty of them a day.
Well, if the movie's bad, we can throw 'em at the screen.
- Yeah.
- Ha ha! What are you doing? Used to be able to juggle.
Well, you 're really terrible at it.
What are you talking about? I'm good.
Good thing Javier is not here.
Yeah.
He could fire us both at the same time.
Yeah.
What? I love this.
Being with you, it's just great.
Yeah, it is.
What, are you all right? Yeah, I'm fine.
Yeah, I'm just gonna I'm gonna go unlock the front door.
- OK.
- OK? It seemed like a funny look.
It had all the signs of a classic funny look.
But you know what? I'm gonna ignore it.
I mean.
Maybe Ben's just stressed out about his class schedule.
Or maybe it's nothing.
Aw.
Man.
Are you in trouble.
Why? We have a great time together and I like hanging out with her.
Yeah, that's not the issue, though.
Oh, it's not? No.
That tape, my friend, it's like a It's like a monkey in the room.
You guys can have the greatest time in the world but the fact is that monkey's always gonna be there.
It's an elephant, right? An elephant in the room? It's not normal to have a monkey in the room, either.
My point is, you listened to her tape, right? She thinks this is love.
Might be love, and she wasn't talking to me.
Which makes it worse.
She was talking to her girlfriend.
That's like talking to a colleague versus a customer, right? Your colleague, you tell anything to.
You talk about how lousy the business is how useless the product is, how much money you 're making but to the customer, everything's great.
Listen, Felicity's friend is getting the real deal.
You, on the other hand, are getting the soft sell.
Yeah, I don't want to make a big deal about this, all right? So why'd you tell me? I don't know.
OK.
- Come on, tell me.
- No.
Is it more or less than ten? I'm not answering that.
It's less than ten.
That's adorable.
It's like youre a virgin.
Hi.
Hi.
Nothing for me, please.
- Can I get a Coke? - Sure.
What about her? She's cute.
Yeah, but I I can't ask out the waitress now.
She thinks I'm a virgin, thanks to you.
Come on, Noel.
It's time to move on.
Felicity has.
OK.
OK, I'm just OK, I'm just gonna do it.
Yeah.
All right.
OK, so, how do I look? Like a virgin.
Thanks for building the confidence.
All right.
I I didn't know what to say, so I asked for a straw.
OK.
Um, a straw is good.
It's a start.
- I think I've lost all my moves.
- What about the girl in Berlin? - Beth? I mean, you - Doesn't count.
She was drunk, and I was desperate.
You sure you don't want a drink with your straw? Uh, yeah, I'm good, thanks.
Here You can have my Coke.
You inviting me to a party? Oh, you 're inviting me to a party in my own apartment.
I'm not inviting you.
I am asking you if I can have one.
No.
No more parties.
- Come on, Sean.
- No.
But it's the beginning of the school year.
I mean, you know, don't you want to start it off with a bang? A bang, yes.
A party, no.
a trashed apartment.
No.
How about 150 college kids at five bucks a head? Well, now you 're speaking my language.
Fifty-fifty? Well, normally, I'd insist on seventy-thirty but since it's you - You'll do it.
- Yeah.
I'll do it.
Thank you.
Thank you.
So we make a pretty good team, don't you think? We do.
Hey, where you going? Oh, there's this guy Tim in my Human Sexuality class.
He's really interesting and I've been looking for an excuse to talk to him.
Now I have it.
Well, I'm glad that I could help.
Hey.
Looks good.
Yeah, and don't worry.
No muffins.
Oh, hey, I finally got those pictures back from our road trip.
Oh.
Thank you.
They're really good.
The one at the Mighty Mart in St.
Louis, it's classic.
Aren't you gonna look at them? Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
They're good, huh? Yeah, they're good.
OK, what's wrong? I mean, something's obviously wrong.
No, nothing's wrong.
I'm fine.
You 're not fine.
You have this funny look on your face and it's the second time I've seen it today.
Is it about us? No, it's it's not.
You 're not happy, are you? No.
I just I don't know if this is what I want right now.
OK.
I'm sorry.
Is that all he said? Uh, yeah, and then I left, so we never made it to Bryant Park.
I'm so sorry.
I just wish I knew why.
Like, I should have known this was gonna happen.
No.
No, you were just following your heart.
Yeah, well, I hate my heart right now.
He's a guy.
Nothing they do ever makes sense.
You know, I never told her I listened to her tape.
That's OK.
Why put salt in the wound, right? Yeah.
Hey, Ben, you did what you had to do.
Sean, what if I made a mistake? I mean, what if I'm Oh, great.
You guys got the beer.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Gretchen? I know.
What are you doing? It's part of my high-voltage look.
It's Number Six on the list.
- I thought that - That I was gonna quit the list? I know but thank God I didn't, because I think it's working.
Ian called me.
Oh, don't be mad.
I mean, I took your advice for a couple of hours.
Gretchen, I'm not mad.
I just I don't think Ian's calling you has to do with the list.
I mean, he probably just misses you.
Oh, no.
It was the list.
One of his friends saw me dressed like this in the cafeteria and now Ian wants his own personal viewing.
You went to the cafeteria dressed like that? Well, I'll see you.
There's an outfit on page 54 that would look killer on you.
Your boyfriend will die.
Bye.
* I see you * * Moment of weakness * * I see you * * Behind your mask * * In the dregs of the limelight * * We're sudden strangers * * When the truth gets told to me * Um, hi.
I'm Noel, and - What? - No.
No? - I don't date customers.
- Oh, but I haven't I didn't Look, I've got a boyfriend, OK? * Just a fool * Well, that was fun.
You struck out? No, no.
Striking out would have been a pleasure.
I was, uh, thrown out of the game entirely.
OK.
Show me your technique.
What? You spot a Gwyneth Paltrow look-alike across the room.
What do you do? Uh, I don't I stand fifty feet back and hope she notices me.
I'm Gwyneth.
Try and pick me up.
That's a lot of pressure I mean, you being Gwyneth Paltrow and all.
All right.
I'm Noel.
No.
See, that's exactly the same response I got from the waitress.
The key to picking up a woman is staging.
You've gotta work in stages in order to make her feel comfortable.
I'll show you.
You be Gwyneth.
Just stand over there and try to look very blond.
All right.
Hey.
You haven't seen the bathroom, have you? Yeah, it's It's right over there.
Thanks.
By the way, I'm Elena.
I'm I'm Gwyneth.
See how simple that was? Yeah, that's that's not bad, but I'm an easy sell.
I don't think it's quite the same in the real world, you know? Well, here is the perfect opportunity.
Julie invited us to a party.
No, thanks.
I think I'm gonna pass on any further social interactions for a while.
Noel, you 're going to the party you 're going to use my technique and you will get a girl's number.
Fine.
Yeah? Oh.
What do you want? To take you out to dinner.
I'm free tonight.
- Well, I'm not, so - How about tomorrow? I've got an opening from tomorrow till I'm about 30.
God, you are such a pest.
You 're like you 're like this bug this incessant, annoying gnat.
A gnat? - Yeah.
A gnat.
- With a "G"? Yeah.
A gnat never leaves you alone.
When you 're happy, when you 're sad, when you 're It's always around until one day, splat, it's gone! So I guess this means you 're not gonna go out with me tonight? I am not going out with you tonight.
I am not going out with you tomorrow.
I am not going out with you ever.
Dr.
Seuss.
I like him, too.
Sorry.
Come in.
Hey.
Hey.
I thought, um I thought we should talk.
Yeah, me, too.
I I don't exactly know where to start.
Then can I ask you something first? Sure.
Was it just me or did we have an amazing time together on our trip? No, it wasn't just you.
Then what changed I mean, between then and last night? I'm not trying to put you on the spot or anything.
I guess I'm just trying to understand.
I mean, I spent I spent all day just kind of trying to figure out what happened and then I started to blame myself like maybe it was something that I did.
It's, uh I don't know.
I I guess I just feel a lot of pressure, that's all.
From me? Yeah.
I I'm just worried that I'm not gonna be able to live up to your expectations.
My expectations? I mean, all I want to do is be with you.
See, I think you want more than that.
I think you want someone who's gonna be totally focused on you, like long-term.
I I think you want someone who's gonna talk to you about everything and I'm not I'm not really good at that.
It's just It's a lot to do with knowing that you think that this might be love or, uh or whatever.
Wait a second.
Love.
I mean, who said anything about love? You did.
What? I, uh I listened to your tape.
Oh, my God.
I know.
You listened to my tape.
Why? I don't know.
I really It just I don't know.
It just sorta happened.
I'm just I don't understand.
You broke up with me because of what I said on my tape? Ben, I wasn't even thinking when I was saying those words.
I mean, it was, like, a stream of consciousness Which makes it even worse.
You were being totally honest.
- So I can't be honest? - No, it's not that.
When what is it? I don't know.
Can we just forget it, please? No.
I mean no.
I can't just forget it.
This is exactly what I'm talking about.
I'm sorry, but don't you think I deserve some kind of explanation? Yeah.
But can't anything just be what it is? I mean, everything has to be the hugest deal with you.
You came into my room.
You picked up my tape recorder.
You listened to my thoughts.
I'm sorry, but to me, that is a huge deal.
OK.
You know what? This this isn't gonna work.
I I thought maybe it could, but it can't.
It was Ben? This is classic.
Yeah, so, I'm sorry that I accused you.
OK, wait.
Did he listen to the whole tape? I think so.
Oh.
My God.
You must feel so stupid.
I didn't feel stupid.
I felt lost like if I didn't find something to hold on to I'd drown.
My advisee with the list turns out.
It's actually working for her.
I told her it wouldnt't.
But it did.
So I decided to do it.
The list.
Not all ten things.
Just some of them like.
Uh.
Number Five: Go where the action is which shouldnt't even count because I was going to the party anyway and Uh Number Six: Dress high-voltage.
I can rationalize that because I would have wanted to look nice no matter what.
Besides I'm not wearing 5-inch heels Like some people I know.
Number Seven is Let him see you with another guy and that one that one I can't explain.
Hi.
Um I know, um I know what I said earlier, and, uh I don't want you to blow this out of proportion because it totally doesn't mean anything but, um, do you, uh Would you mind going to a party with me? Mind? Here you go.
Enjoy yourselves.
Thank you.
Hey.
Uh, I'm Tim.
Hey.
Friend of Julie's.
That'll be ten bucks, Tim.
Actually, uh, Julie said she'd arrange it so that I wouldn't have to pay.
Really? Well, she didn't say anything about it to me, so Uh OK.
Here you go.
Have fun Tim.
Thanks.
Julie.
Remember.
The key is patience.
Take your time.
Your objective right now is just get her name.
Right.
OK, OK.
Uh Yeah, I'm going in.
I'm Hey.
You know where the keg is? Uh, it's right here.
Wow, what an idiot, huh? By the way, I'm Noel.
And and you 're, uh Brigid.
Bridget? It's a nice name.
It's nice to meet you.
Brigid.
No "T.
" Oh, Brigid.
OK.
OK, no "T.
" Brigid.
Right.
So uh What? Nothing.
Uh, so it was nice to meet you, Brigid.
Thank you.
Sean, I need your help.
Why? What happened? Tim will not leave me alone.
- I thought that was the point.
- Please? He's weird.
If I have to listen to him quote Neil Diamond one more time I'm going to die.
I'll take care of it.
Oh, thank you.
Julie! - Ohh.
- There you are.
So are you sure that you 're OK with watching the front for me? - Um oh, no problem.
- I can hang out with you if you want.
No.
Hey, Tim, you know what? I think you and I need to talk guy to guy.
The minute I got there I wanted to leave because the list only changes the way you look not the way you feel.
Sure.
It's feel America.
Isn't that great? That's I mean.
That's great.
One day, I'm going to be President of the United States.
Hi.
Sally Number Nine on the list is stay icily indifferent which may prove to be a little difficult.
Can I make you something to drink? Sure.
Can we go somewhere and talk? Please? Sure.
It's OK by me.
You look great.
By the way.
Thanks but don't think I wore this for you.
Right, you, uh you wore it for your date.
I wore it for me.
Yeah.
Well, I still think you look great.
* There in the game * * When we danced the night away * * And we looked up at the stars * Listen, I'm I'm really sorry about the tape.
I really am.
I shouldn't have listened to it.
* Nothing left to do * * So we love them.
And we're blue * And I agree with you.
Um, the picture of us at the Mighty Mart it's, uh it's my favorite, too.
* I don't believe in you * We look happy in it.
I thought we were.
* And I don't believe in you * Yeah.
* Because I'm by your side * * When we wake up in the night * * And we looked up at the sky * * And the mountains looked so high * * The oceans far and wide * Number ten on the list is don't let him see you care.
Maybe that's something I should try.
Maybe I do show my feelings too easily.
Maybe you 're right.
I mean, this doesn't have to be such a big deal.
Really? Yeah, I mean, maybe we could just take it day by day and - no expectations.
- You sure? Yeah.
Yeah.
* Because I'm by your side * * We were only there in the game * * And we danced * Oh, my God.
- How much is in here? - $700.
- $700? - Shh.
Hey! - We made $700? - No, we made $1,400 split 50-50.
- I did not even make $700 all summer.
- Well, there you go.
Sean, I do not know how to thank you.
- Hey, it was your idea.
- But it's your place and you're the one who decided to charge 10 instead of 5 and you got rid of lame-o Tim for me.
Yeah, poor lame-o Tim, huh? And you let me live in the loft.
You 're just you 're really nice to me.
Hey, you know what? We should celebrate.
That is a great idea.
Good.
I'll make reservations.
What time is, uh what time's good for you? Oh, I can't tonight.
I have a date.
Yeah, I met this guy in the bookstore.
He was standing next to me and he asked me to go to the Vanguard with him, so Well, that'll be fun.
Yeah.
Yeah.
OK, well, maybe some other time, then.
Definitely.
I've discovered the most disturbing thing that by not being me, I'm getting what I want.
A week's gone by since the party and things have been.
Well.
Sort of weird but Ben seems really happy.
And we've decided to go to the movies at Bryant Park again which is really great, since I've still never been.
Hi.
- Hey.
- Hey.
How's it going? - Good.
- Good.
so I I I went to Bryant Park last night.
Oh, my God! I I totally forgot about that.
That's OK.
No, I was helping Sean return the kegs and then we grabbed a bite to eat.
I'm so sorry.
I hope you didn't wait long.
No, I I not no, I didn't wait that long.
Well.
Listen.
I'll make it up to you.
We'll go next week.
Oh, you know, we could have but, um, last night was the last one, so But don't worry about it.
It's not that big of a deal.
I should go punch in.
Right.
Hey, listen, um thanks for being so understanding about this.
- Sure.
- OK.
So it's starting to get to me this compromise and I can't stop wondering are there parts of me that, If I give them up I won't be me anymore? - Hey.
- Hey.
- Can I come in? - Sure.
Thanks.
So, uh Ian dumped me.
So he didn't like the shoes, huh? He didn't even like the blush on the nipples.
I can't believe I did that.
Well, do you at least feel better that you tried the list? I feel stupid.
How do you do it? Me? You'd never compromise yourself the way that I did.
I mean, you'd never sink so low that you'd do something you totally didn't believe in just to be with some guy.
- Hey! - Hey.
What are you doing here? Um, waiting for you.
Do you want to, uh do you want to walk? No.
The truth is, I can't be with you like this.
I mean, I know I said that I could, but I can't.
I just can't compromise myself like that.
I mean, I'm an emotional person.
I feel things, and I need to be able to get upset and to talk about how I'm feeling.
I mean, that's just that's who I am, and I can't change it.
I don't want to.
And the thing is, you knew that.
You knew it, and you still pursued me because you want something with me.
You just aren't strong enough to have it which, in a way, makes you a coward.
And the saddest part is that one day, you 're going to wake up and you 're going to realize what you missed and it's going to be too late.
I don't know what to say.
I know.
It's OK.
* You may be wondering * * Hope clutched in both hands * * You may be walking lost * * Searching for your promised lands * The time had come to let go to let go of old habits and old dreams.
I'm ready to move on.
To see what else is out there.
You want to come shower with me? I've already showered today, but thanks.
Wait, Burky.
The other night, I I guess I kind of used you.
That's OK.
I mean, it's not the first time that's ever happened to me.
I'm sorry.
Let me state for the record you can use me any time you want.
It's one thing to say you 're going to let go.
It's another to actually do it to loosen your grip.
Let yourself fall.
* Rain * * Hail * * And shine * So when I walked into the haircutting place I was taking a leap.
But I wasn't doing it for a guy or because of some list.
* Right now, I can promise you * I was doing it for me.
* Rain.
Hail.
And shine * * I'll be there for you all the time * * Don't forget me *
Youre not ready for this.
End it.
OK? Trust me.
I know what I'm talking about.
God.
Sally I don't know what this is but I think maybe it's love.
I can't believe it.
I used to just hope I'd run into him.
Kissing in the back room and making plans.
All I know is.
I want this feeling to In You sure this isn't rickets? Oh, get away from me, freak.
Or maybe it's scurvy.
What? Did you listen to my tape? What if I did? I can I cannot believe you.
I mean, would you break down in tears or start popping pills or what? I'm just curious.
My tapes are private, OK? I put intensely personal things on them things that aren't any of your business.
Things I couldn't care less about.
It would be like me looking in your box, OK? Wait, you looked in my box? I was making an analogy.
Between what?! Forget it.
Fine.
I didn't listen to your damn tape but if that's the way you 're gonna be, whip it out.
- What? - Your tape.
You think it compares to what's in my box? Prove it.
You let me listen to the tape, I let you look in the box and then we'll know which one is more intense.
- Fine.
- Fine.
But I'm not gonna play the whole tape.
Just do it.
All I know is.
I want this feeling to Iast the rest of my life.
God.
Sally.
I dont know what this is but I think I mean maybe it's love.
OK.
- That's lame.
- Whatever.
Let's just see what's in the box.
I don't think so.
Unbelievable.
Dear Sally, So, week one of my sophomore year was over.
Ben and I were doing great and being an R.
A.
was actually turning out to be a fun challenge.
Um.
Before we start this meeting Meghan and I just wanted to say how much we've enjoyed this first week with you guys.
You've all been amazing, so Except for you.
You're weird.
- Meghan.
- What? He eats his hair.
OK.
Um.
So Let's just open up the discussion and just feel free to talk about any problems or concerns or - I have a concern.
- There's a shock.
Well.
I just want to say that I might be laughing on the outside but I'm crying on the inside.
I think that's something you should keep an eye on.
Are there any real problems or concerns? Gretchen.
I can't handle this anymore.
Uh, OK.
I'm gonna go see if she's OK.
Don't give her attention.
That's exactly what she wants.
Meghan, that's our job.
Sucker.
Hey.
I'm sorry I ruined your meeting.
What's going on? My boyfriend Ian I'm losing him.
What do you mean? Last night we were supposed to go to the library and he totally forgot.
Did you talk to him about that? He doesn't like to talk.
So, I was I was thinking of of doing this.
"10 Steps To Winning Him Back"? They say it works.
"One: Seduce him on the cell phone.
"When your ex is en route "give him a ring on his mobile "and purr naughty nothings.
" "Two: Fire him up with lusty lingerie"? Sort of obvious.
"Three: Put blush on your nipples"? OK, you cannot do this.
Gretchen look, I can't tell you what to do, but I mean, if this were me I wouldn't be in a relationship where I couldn't be myself.
I mean, those lists are asking you to be a lie and pretend you 're someone you 're not and you shouldn't have to do that to keep your boyfriend interested.
I mean, you want Ian liking you for you not liking some girl a stupid magazine made up right? Do you have a boyfriend? Um, sort of.
We're just kind of starting out.
The beginning's the best, isn't it? They're always really sweet and romantic.
Ian used to leave me love notes everywhere my backpack, in my shoes.
Then one day, he got this funny look on his face.
- A funny look? - Yeah.
And I never got another love note again.
I haven't really seen that yet a funny look on Ben's face I don't think.
But.
God.
I don't want to over-analyze this.
I just want it to be what it is which.
So far.
Is great.
Hey.
What're we gonna do about tonight? I thought we were gonna go see that movie in Bryant Park.
No.
We are.
I meant about food.
Maybe we should take a picnic.
We could be evil and pilfer from our workplace.
As long as we don't pilfer these muffins.
Why? What's wrong with them? Nothing.
I just eat, like, twenty of them a day.
Well, if the movie's bad, we can throw 'em at the screen.
- Yeah.
- Ha ha! What are you doing? Used to be able to juggle.
Well, you 're really terrible at it.
What are you talking about? I'm good.
Good thing Javier is not here.
Yeah.
He could fire us both at the same time.
Yeah.
What? I love this.
Being with you, it's just great.
Yeah, it is.
What, are you all right? Yeah, I'm fine.
Yeah, I'm just gonna I'm gonna go unlock the front door.
- OK.
- OK? It seemed like a funny look.
It had all the signs of a classic funny look.
But you know what? I'm gonna ignore it.
I mean.
Maybe Ben's just stressed out about his class schedule.
Or maybe it's nothing.
Aw.
Man.
Are you in trouble.
Why? We have a great time together and I like hanging out with her.
Yeah, that's not the issue, though.
Oh, it's not? No.
That tape, my friend, it's like a It's like a monkey in the room.
You guys can have the greatest time in the world but the fact is that monkey's always gonna be there.
It's an elephant, right? An elephant in the room? It's not normal to have a monkey in the room, either.
My point is, you listened to her tape, right? She thinks this is love.
Might be love, and she wasn't talking to me.
Which makes it worse.
She was talking to her girlfriend.
That's like talking to a colleague versus a customer, right? Your colleague, you tell anything to.
You talk about how lousy the business is how useless the product is, how much money you 're making but to the customer, everything's great.
Listen, Felicity's friend is getting the real deal.
You, on the other hand, are getting the soft sell.
Yeah, I don't want to make a big deal about this, all right? So why'd you tell me? I don't know.
OK.
- Come on, tell me.
- No.
Is it more or less than ten? I'm not answering that.
It's less than ten.
That's adorable.
It's like youre a virgin.
Hi.
Hi.
Nothing for me, please.
- Can I get a Coke? - Sure.
What about her? She's cute.
Yeah, but I I can't ask out the waitress now.
She thinks I'm a virgin, thanks to you.
Come on, Noel.
It's time to move on.
Felicity has.
OK.
OK, I'm just OK, I'm just gonna do it.
Yeah.
All right.
OK, so, how do I look? Like a virgin.
Thanks for building the confidence.
All right.
I I didn't know what to say, so I asked for a straw.
OK.
Um, a straw is good.
It's a start.
- I think I've lost all my moves.
- What about the girl in Berlin? - Beth? I mean, you - Doesn't count.
She was drunk, and I was desperate.
You sure you don't want a drink with your straw? Uh, yeah, I'm good, thanks.
Here You can have my Coke.
You inviting me to a party? Oh, you 're inviting me to a party in my own apartment.
I'm not inviting you.
I am asking you if I can have one.
No.
No more parties.
- Come on, Sean.
- No.
But it's the beginning of the school year.
I mean, you know, don't you want to start it off with a bang? A bang, yes.
A party, no.
a trashed apartment.
No.
How about 150 college kids at five bucks a head? Well, now you 're speaking my language.
Fifty-fifty? Well, normally, I'd insist on seventy-thirty but since it's you - You'll do it.
- Yeah.
I'll do it.
Thank you.
Thank you.
So we make a pretty good team, don't you think? We do.
Hey, where you going? Oh, there's this guy Tim in my Human Sexuality class.
He's really interesting and I've been looking for an excuse to talk to him.
Now I have it.
Well, I'm glad that I could help.
Hey.
Looks good.
Yeah, and don't worry.
No muffins.
Oh, hey, I finally got those pictures back from our road trip.
Oh.
Thank you.
They're really good.
The one at the Mighty Mart in St.
Louis, it's classic.
Aren't you gonna look at them? Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
They're good, huh? Yeah, they're good.
OK, what's wrong? I mean, something's obviously wrong.
No, nothing's wrong.
I'm fine.
You 're not fine.
You have this funny look on your face and it's the second time I've seen it today.
Is it about us? No, it's it's not.
You 're not happy, are you? No.
I just I don't know if this is what I want right now.
OK.
I'm sorry.
Is that all he said? Uh, yeah, and then I left, so we never made it to Bryant Park.
I'm so sorry.
I just wish I knew why.
Like, I should have known this was gonna happen.
No.
No, you were just following your heart.
Yeah, well, I hate my heart right now.
He's a guy.
Nothing they do ever makes sense.
You know, I never told her I listened to her tape.
That's OK.
Why put salt in the wound, right? Yeah.
Hey, Ben, you did what you had to do.
Sean, what if I made a mistake? I mean, what if I'm Oh, great.
You guys got the beer.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Gretchen? I know.
What are you doing? It's part of my high-voltage look.
It's Number Six on the list.
- I thought that - That I was gonna quit the list? I know but thank God I didn't, because I think it's working.
Ian called me.
Oh, don't be mad.
I mean, I took your advice for a couple of hours.
Gretchen, I'm not mad.
I just I don't think Ian's calling you has to do with the list.
I mean, he probably just misses you.
Oh, no.
It was the list.
One of his friends saw me dressed like this in the cafeteria and now Ian wants his own personal viewing.
You went to the cafeteria dressed like that? Well, I'll see you.
There's an outfit on page 54 that would look killer on you.
Your boyfriend will die.
Bye.
* I see you * * Moment of weakness * * I see you * * Behind your mask * * In the dregs of the limelight * * We're sudden strangers * * When the truth gets told to me * Um, hi.
I'm Noel, and - What? - No.
No? - I don't date customers.
- Oh, but I haven't I didn't Look, I've got a boyfriend, OK? * Just a fool * Well, that was fun.
You struck out? No, no.
Striking out would have been a pleasure.
I was, uh, thrown out of the game entirely.
OK.
Show me your technique.
What? You spot a Gwyneth Paltrow look-alike across the room.
What do you do? Uh, I don't I stand fifty feet back and hope she notices me.
I'm Gwyneth.
Try and pick me up.
That's a lot of pressure I mean, you being Gwyneth Paltrow and all.
All right.
I'm Noel.
No.
See, that's exactly the same response I got from the waitress.
The key to picking up a woman is staging.
You've gotta work in stages in order to make her feel comfortable.
I'll show you.
You be Gwyneth.
Just stand over there and try to look very blond.
All right.
Hey.
You haven't seen the bathroom, have you? Yeah, it's It's right over there.
Thanks.
By the way, I'm Elena.
I'm I'm Gwyneth.
See how simple that was? Yeah, that's that's not bad, but I'm an easy sell.
I don't think it's quite the same in the real world, you know? Well, here is the perfect opportunity.
Julie invited us to a party.
No, thanks.
I think I'm gonna pass on any further social interactions for a while.
Noel, you 're going to the party you 're going to use my technique and you will get a girl's number.
Fine.
Yeah? Oh.
What do you want? To take you out to dinner.
I'm free tonight.
- Well, I'm not, so - How about tomorrow? I've got an opening from tomorrow till I'm about 30.
God, you are such a pest.
You 're like you 're like this bug this incessant, annoying gnat.
A gnat? - Yeah.
A gnat.
- With a "G"? Yeah.
A gnat never leaves you alone.
When you 're happy, when you 're sad, when you 're It's always around until one day, splat, it's gone! So I guess this means you 're not gonna go out with me tonight? I am not going out with you tonight.
I am not going out with you tomorrow.
I am not going out with you ever.
Dr.
Seuss.
I like him, too.
Sorry.
Come in.
Hey.
Hey.
I thought, um I thought we should talk.
Yeah, me, too.
I I don't exactly know where to start.
Then can I ask you something first? Sure.
Was it just me or did we have an amazing time together on our trip? No, it wasn't just you.
Then what changed I mean, between then and last night? I'm not trying to put you on the spot or anything.
I guess I'm just trying to understand.
I mean, I spent I spent all day just kind of trying to figure out what happened and then I started to blame myself like maybe it was something that I did.
It's, uh I don't know.
I I guess I just feel a lot of pressure, that's all.
From me? Yeah.
I I'm just worried that I'm not gonna be able to live up to your expectations.
My expectations? I mean, all I want to do is be with you.
See, I think you want more than that.
I think you want someone who's gonna be totally focused on you, like long-term.
I I think you want someone who's gonna talk to you about everything and I'm not I'm not really good at that.
It's just It's a lot to do with knowing that you think that this might be love or, uh or whatever.
Wait a second.
Love.
I mean, who said anything about love? You did.
What? I, uh I listened to your tape.
Oh, my God.
I know.
You listened to my tape.
Why? I don't know.
I really It just I don't know.
It just sorta happened.
I'm just I don't understand.
You broke up with me because of what I said on my tape? Ben, I wasn't even thinking when I was saying those words.
I mean, it was, like, a stream of consciousness Which makes it even worse.
You were being totally honest.
- So I can't be honest? - No, it's not that.
When what is it? I don't know.
Can we just forget it, please? No.
I mean no.
I can't just forget it.
This is exactly what I'm talking about.
I'm sorry, but don't you think I deserve some kind of explanation? Yeah.
But can't anything just be what it is? I mean, everything has to be the hugest deal with you.
You came into my room.
You picked up my tape recorder.
You listened to my thoughts.
I'm sorry, but to me, that is a huge deal.
OK.
You know what? This this isn't gonna work.
I I thought maybe it could, but it can't.
It was Ben? This is classic.
Yeah, so, I'm sorry that I accused you.
OK, wait.
Did he listen to the whole tape? I think so.
Oh.
My God.
You must feel so stupid.
I didn't feel stupid.
I felt lost like if I didn't find something to hold on to I'd drown.
My advisee with the list turns out.
It's actually working for her.
I told her it wouldnt't.
But it did.
So I decided to do it.
The list.
Not all ten things.
Just some of them like.
Uh.
Number Five: Go where the action is which shouldnt't even count because I was going to the party anyway and Uh Number Six: Dress high-voltage.
I can rationalize that because I would have wanted to look nice no matter what.
Besides I'm not wearing 5-inch heels Like some people I know.
Number Seven is Let him see you with another guy and that one that one I can't explain.
Hi.
Um I know, um I know what I said earlier, and, uh I don't want you to blow this out of proportion because it totally doesn't mean anything but, um, do you, uh Would you mind going to a party with me? Mind? Here you go.
Enjoy yourselves.
Thank you.
Hey.
Uh, I'm Tim.
Hey.
Friend of Julie's.
That'll be ten bucks, Tim.
Actually, uh, Julie said she'd arrange it so that I wouldn't have to pay.
Really? Well, she didn't say anything about it to me, so Uh OK.
Here you go.
Have fun Tim.
Thanks.
Julie.
Remember.
The key is patience.
Take your time.
Your objective right now is just get her name.
Right.
OK, OK.
Uh Yeah, I'm going in.
I'm Hey.
You know where the keg is? Uh, it's right here.
Wow, what an idiot, huh? By the way, I'm Noel.
And and you 're, uh Brigid.
Bridget? It's a nice name.
It's nice to meet you.
Brigid.
No "T.
" Oh, Brigid.
OK.
OK, no "T.
" Brigid.
Right.
So uh What? Nothing.
Uh, so it was nice to meet you, Brigid.
Thank you.
Sean, I need your help.
Why? What happened? Tim will not leave me alone.
- I thought that was the point.
- Please? He's weird.
If I have to listen to him quote Neil Diamond one more time I'm going to die.
I'll take care of it.
Oh, thank you.
Julie! - Ohh.
- There you are.
So are you sure that you 're OK with watching the front for me? - Um oh, no problem.
- I can hang out with you if you want.
No.
Hey, Tim, you know what? I think you and I need to talk guy to guy.
The minute I got there I wanted to leave because the list only changes the way you look not the way you feel.
Sure.
It's feel America.
Isn't that great? That's I mean.
That's great.
One day, I'm going to be President of the United States.
Hi.
Sally Number Nine on the list is stay icily indifferent which may prove to be a little difficult.
Can I make you something to drink? Sure.
Can we go somewhere and talk? Please? Sure.
It's OK by me.
You look great.
By the way.
Thanks but don't think I wore this for you.
Right, you, uh you wore it for your date.
I wore it for me.
Yeah.
Well, I still think you look great.
* There in the game * * When we danced the night away * * And we looked up at the stars * Listen, I'm I'm really sorry about the tape.
I really am.
I shouldn't have listened to it.
* Nothing left to do * * So we love them.
And we're blue * And I agree with you.
Um, the picture of us at the Mighty Mart it's, uh it's my favorite, too.
* I don't believe in you * We look happy in it.
I thought we were.
* And I don't believe in you * Yeah.
* Because I'm by your side * * When we wake up in the night * * And we looked up at the sky * * And the mountains looked so high * * The oceans far and wide * Number ten on the list is don't let him see you care.
Maybe that's something I should try.
Maybe I do show my feelings too easily.
Maybe you 're right.
I mean, this doesn't have to be such a big deal.
Really? Yeah, I mean, maybe we could just take it day by day and - no expectations.
- You sure? Yeah.
Yeah.
* Because I'm by your side * * We were only there in the game * * And we danced * Oh, my God.
- How much is in here? - $700.
- $700? - Shh.
Hey! - We made $700? - No, we made $1,400 split 50-50.
- I did not even make $700 all summer.
- Well, there you go.
Sean, I do not know how to thank you.
- Hey, it was your idea.
- But it's your place and you're the one who decided to charge 10 instead of 5 and you got rid of lame-o Tim for me.
Yeah, poor lame-o Tim, huh? And you let me live in the loft.
You 're just you 're really nice to me.
Hey, you know what? We should celebrate.
That is a great idea.
Good.
I'll make reservations.
What time is, uh what time's good for you? Oh, I can't tonight.
I have a date.
Yeah, I met this guy in the bookstore.
He was standing next to me and he asked me to go to the Vanguard with him, so Well, that'll be fun.
Yeah.
Yeah.
OK, well, maybe some other time, then.
Definitely.
I've discovered the most disturbing thing that by not being me, I'm getting what I want.
A week's gone by since the party and things have been.
Well.
Sort of weird but Ben seems really happy.
And we've decided to go to the movies at Bryant Park again which is really great, since I've still never been.
Hi.
- Hey.
- Hey.
How's it going? - Good.
- Good.
so I I I went to Bryant Park last night.
Oh, my God! I I totally forgot about that.
That's OK.
No, I was helping Sean return the kegs and then we grabbed a bite to eat.
I'm so sorry.
I hope you didn't wait long.
No, I I not no, I didn't wait that long.
Well.
Listen.
I'll make it up to you.
We'll go next week.
Oh, you know, we could have but, um, last night was the last one, so But don't worry about it.
It's not that big of a deal.
I should go punch in.
Right.
Hey, listen, um thanks for being so understanding about this.
- Sure.
- OK.
So it's starting to get to me this compromise and I can't stop wondering are there parts of me that, If I give them up I won't be me anymore? - Hey.
- Hey.
- Can I come in? - Sure.
Thanks.
So, uh Ian dumped me.
So he didn't like the shoes, huh? He didn't even like the blush on the nipples.
I can't believe I did that.
Well, do you at least feel better that you tried the list? I feel stupid.
How do you do it? Me? You'd never compromise yourself the way that I did.
I mean, you'd never sink so low that you'd do something you totally didn't believe in just to be with some guy.
- Hey! - Hey.
What are you doing here? Um, waiting for you.
Do you want to, uh do you want to walk? No.
The truth is, I can't be with you like this.
I mean, I know I said that I could, but I can't.
I just can't compromise myself like that.
I mean, I'm an emotional person.
I feel things, and I need to be able to get upset and to talk about how I'm feeling.
I mean, that's just that's who I am, and I can't change it.
I don't want to.
And the thing is, you knew that.
You knew it, and you still pursued me because you want something with me.
You just aren't strong enough to have it which, in a way, makes you a coward.
And the saddest part is that one day, you 're going to wake up and you 're going to realize what you missed and it's going to be too late.
I don't know what to say.
I know.
It's OK.
* You may be wondering * * Hope clutched in both hands * * You may be walking lost * * Searching for your promised lands * The time had come to let go to let go of old habits and old dreams.
I'm ready to move on.
To see what else is out there.
You want to come shower with me? I've already showered today, but thanks.
Wait, Burky.
The other night, I I guess I kind of used you.
That's OK.
I mean, it's not the first time that's ever happened to me.
I'm sorry.
Let me state for the record you can use me any time you want.
It's one thing to say you 're going to let go.
It's another to actually do it to loosen your grip.
Let yourself fall.
* Rain * * Hail * * And shine * So when I walked into the haircutting place I was taking a leap.
But I wasn't doing it for a guy or because of some list.
* Right now, I can promise you * I was doing it for me.
* Rain.
Hail.
And shine * * I'll be there for you all the time * * Don't forget me *