Foursome (2016) s02e02 Episode Script
Secret Admiral
[Andie Voiceover.]
Previously on Foursome.
Breyer got to meet new Andie, and I hatched a plan all on my own to get the last of Josh's pheromones out of my bod.
And it worked! Mainly because Alec spent the day handcuffed to Courtney to work on their rocky relationship.
Unfortunately, it didn't stop my brother's band room busting.
Get off my sister! [Andie Voiceovere.]
But I finally stood up to my brother.
I'm all grown up now, and you're either gonna need to get on board or get out of my life.
[Andie Voiceover.]
And you know what? I think he's finally getting it.
New Andie, same foursome.
(grunting) I'm blocked up like Yogi.
Cause he's a bear? Most def.
I've gotta stop putting hot sauce on my churro, bro.
Hey, man, you sure it's the Tabasco and not the Court fiasco? Boom.
Ooh, sick rhyme, bro.
Maybe, I don't know, man.
I've been trying to avoid her.
I don't know if she's going through menopause or what, but her emotions are to the brink.
Yeah, so why don't you end it? And have her sob all over my letterman? No way, bro, no way.
It's gotta be her call.
That way I'm off scott free.
Yeah, I know what you mean, man.
Like, why is Greer girls, so annoying, you know? Like, why can't you just end it? Like my sister, man.
I can't believe she said I was a bad big brother.
Everything I do is to protect her.
She's young, all right.
She just want to have fun.
It's not her I don't trust.
It's the me's.
Look at what I did at her age, man! God, she's so ungrateful.
(farting) Jesus, man! You bring me some toilet paper? [Josh.]
There you go.
[Alec.]
Oh, boy, I'm gonna need a lot more TP than this, bro.
This is the worst first fall date ever.
Are you bummed about the fall equinox? I saw your mom working on the float this morning.
What is fall equinox? Is that, like, fancy couscous? Ooh, pumpkin spice couscous? Hello? What flavor couscous? Ugh, I'm surrounded by holla back girls.
When I was home schooled, on the first day of fall, my mom and I would always do autumn activities.
I always won harvest queen.
Congratulations.
Weren't you the only nominee.
Yes.
But it was still an honor.
An honor I'm missing out on this year.
You guys, ever since I started here, I feel like my mom and I are growing apart.
It's time for you to leave the nest.
Uh, no, no, this is my float.
I was gonna surprise my mom with it.
Yeah, that can't stay in here.
Ew.
You can't take it away from me, I'm not ready.
I will make this long distance relationship work.
Good for you, Imogen.
You and your mom are gonna be so happy together.
Don't lie to her.
LDRs never work.
Even if it's a short distance long distance, and you see each other all the time, and you've been dating I mean, related for years, it just doesn't work.
I mean, Imogen's mom is probably pushing her away so she can home school some other kid.
Why else would she be okay with Imogen never being around? She obviously is getting what she needs from someone else in a way that Imogen can't! Courtney, don't project your relationship garbage onto Imogen.
(phone ringing) I can't.
[Voicemail.]
No one is available to take your call right now.
Who are you with, flooze? Guru Dakota, Guru Dakota, I need your help, please.
Hey, scrub.
Get out, lock the door, lose my number, and accept the fact that you're probably gonna die alone.
Is this a test? Yes, and you're failing.
Now scram! Guru Dakota is kinda being a dick.
I am just so sick and tired of the needies.
Everywhere I go, every class I'm in, some freshman fail finds me and asks me for advice.
It's like I can't even catch a break.
I've been so busy trying to finish my holy grail and leading my flock that I just haven't had any he time.
I just need some space.
Speaking of space, you haven't heard from Alec today, have you? Ever since my big speech, Alec's been avoiding me.
Which is amazing because it's only a matter of time before my phero-boys start begging for more.
Once you go Andie, you want more candy.
I mean, it's a good thing I'm not into any of them, cause they're clearly into me.
That confidence, though.
If he's avoiding you, then where has he been? He has been constipated recently, so I don't know, the bathroom? What has he been doing? Who has he been doing? He's cheating on me! If he's not getting any from me, then he must be milking some other cow.
(giggling) I did not mean I'm a cow, Dakota.
I'm sorry.
Okay, you guys are all overreacting.
Your mom just probably dropped her phone in a pumpkin, your followers will forget as quickly as they flocked, and Alec is 40% not cheating on you.
I'm 100% gonna find out.
Cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater.
Nobody two-times Courtney Todd.
Good for her.
She has a plan, just like I did.
As long as she executes it perfectly, like me, who knows? Maybe by the end of the day, I'll be getting ready for a date with one of my extra curriculars.
Bye! Yeah, I liked it better when she hated herself.
(cheerful music) (laughing) Guru Dakota, my girlfriend says she hates me in her sleep.
Is that sub-conscious? No, no more advice.
Can't you see I'm on vacay? I mean, where do you think I got this sand from? Okay.
Now, listen up, virgins.
All y'all better spread the word that I will no longer be hounded with all of your desperate sex queries.
It's like the swatch.
It's a phase.
I'm over it.
All I want to do is relax.
Sex is the last thing that's on my mind.
(disco music) Damn.
Good morning, class.
My name is Mr.
Zapp.
I'm your new chemistry sub.
I'll be taking over for Ms.
Willy today.
[Student.]
[Bleep.]
that ass Ms.
Willy.
She a bitch.
I'm gonna write my name on the board so you all don't forget it.
Are you seeing this? Yeah, his penmanship is the pits.
All right, my job is to teach you all chemistry.
Some have it, and some don't.
(laughing) Did you see that? Yeah, he made a lame dad joke.
We all saw.
Dakota Green? Would you mind coming up here and assisting me? It's very nice to meet you, Dakota.
Pleasure's all mine.
Uh, we'll be wearing safety goggles for every lab we do this year.
Put those on.
Now, you wanna make sure that your goggles are tight, all right, so that they fit snug against your skin.
Thank you for your help, Mr.
Green.
Wanna have a seat? Either my brain is wired one way, or that man is coming onto me.
Okay, Dakota.
Everyone wants you.
Just got flowers for somebody.
Thank you.
Uh, Andie Fixler? That's me.
I wonder who these are from.
Band geek must want more candy.
Please, by all means, read it aloud.
I'm very interested.
Oh my God.
To Andie, from your secret admiral.
Looks like I'm the one everyone wants.
Like I said, date by the end of the day.
I cannot believe my mom hasn't texted me all day.
I mean, who won harvest queen? Probably one of those sluts she's been teaching behind my back.
Wow, Courtney has gotta stop teaching you this lingo.
It's like a baby swearing.
Wrong, but hilarious.
Okay, you know what? Whatever, I don't care.
Just as long as nobody takes my crown.
Imogen, pretty sure that bad boy's all yours.
Vacay terminated? No time for leisure when there's work ahead of me.
Oh, no, Dakota.
It's not in my head! Who's Mr.
Zapp? Our chemistry teacher.
Dakota thinks they have chemistry.
Ew, Dakota, you can't.
No, not with a teacher.
I'm 18, and it's legal.
Plus, it's not in my head.
He winked at me! He probably had Bunsen burner in his eye.
Listen, troll, I refuse to doubt my gaydar.
This teacher, he wants all of my cookies, and I will prove it.
Mr.
Zapp, my newest conquest.
I shall call him my golden goose.
Ooh.
Who are those flowers from? Oh, this old things? They're from an actual secret admirer.
Admiral.
Whatever, at least mine's not in my head.
I'm pretty sure using dudes for pheromones made them want to phero-bone, and more so, fall head over heels in love with me.
What? [Imogen.]
Ew.
I thought you didn't dig any of them because they weren't boyfriend material.
Every girl loves flowers.
Yeah, especially because you never get any.
True.
Thanks, Imogen.
(phone buzzing) It's from an unknown number.
"Hope you like yo flowers, cause I know you love carnations.
"I know a lot about you.
"Your secret admirer.
" Wow, admirer's spelled right.
His phone autocorrected.
Oh my God, if it's one of those guys, and we end up getting married, they could, like, invent an app, and I'll end up hella rich.
Oh my God, no, in all the ways.
Someone's feeling extra, super affectionate.
Some candy, so you can't rejection it.
Andie, fix my empty heart.
From your secret admirer.
Dance break! (dubstep music) That was so legit.
Thanks, Mr.
Shaw.
No, thank you.
I haven't danced in Months.
Mr.
Shaw, was this by any chance from Abbot Frangaucus? He's in my chess club.
Fangaucus, no.
He's out with mono.
Yeah, it's bad.
Word to your mom! [All.]
Ooh.
Ooh! (shouting) Ooh.
Awesome! Hey, Aaron.
It's Pete.
Right, sorry Aaron.
Was this your doing? Hard no.
(popping) (phone dinging) (upbeat pop music) "I have your email too.
"I know you hate the sound of balloons popping, "but ima make sure nothing on you gets popped.
" See you in robotics! Oh my God, Frank! It's Lort.
Thank you so much for my mix tape, Frank.
That's a CD, that's a phone, and I'm offended.
Clearly, I am technically savvy enough to send you an MP3.
I'm in robotics.
And it's the 21st century.
I'm thirsty.
Cool, yeah, sure, right.
How do I put this in this? No.
Come on! Okay, I'm afraid to ask.
Was this you guys? I can't be sure.
To be honest with you, I think we have a problem.
True, we've done, like, a lot of drugs and, to be honest, our short term memory is not great.
I think I moved in with my aunt.
No, that could've been a lamp next to a suitcase.
Super helpful stuff, guys.
I wanna touch it.
No! Thank God.
Josh? (bell ringing) Ah! Whoa, you good? This is one huge teddy bear.
Oh my God, I can't believe it's you.
What? (phone buzzing) Are you calling me? I don't see how that'd be possible.
Okay, well, this has been confusing.
There you go, see you later.
Hello? [Voice On Phone.]
I've been watching you for a long time.
What? Who is this? [Voice On Phone.]
Don't worry about it.
I know what you want, and I'm gonna give it to you.
My surprises have just begun.
Hello? Who is this? What do you want from me? Your hall pass, drama queen.
And I'll be confiscating this.
Now get to class.
I gotta admit, after eliminating all of my usual suspects from my secret admirer list, I was a little freaked.
But then it dawned on me that this could be even better.
There's a guy at Breyer who has been paying such close attention to me that he could be the man of my dreams, and I haven't even met him yet.
How romantic is that? Okay, Mr.
Zapp held the door open for me with his right hand.
Piercing your right ear means you're gay.
He's gay! Ooh, he's so into me! Okay, clearly you aren't going to be any help, so I'll year book this puzzle.
Not Scott Freedman, asexual.
Not Adam Newan.
He's into Asian chicks.
Not Rami Ryder, he's a furry.
Who's a furry? Imogen, per why? Oh, sorry.
I picked these up in the courtyard.
Smells like the time with my mom.
She was my secret admirer when I was home schooled.
How was it a secret? She used to write notes in mustard on my sandwiches.
She's probably writing notes right now to the new children in our basement.
Wow, that is a really weird thing to say.
Here, here.
Where have you been? I've been following Alec all day.
I'm 100% he's living in cheat city.
Courtney, how do you know? Exhibit A, flower receipt.
Exhibit B, I found this in his car.
Exhibit C, a blank CD.
Exhibit D, paint supplies.
Exhibit E, teddy bear stuffing.
(phone dinging) Oh, what the? Is that a Is that from Oh my God, a pick of Alec Fixler? (screaming) Oh my God! OMG, who would send a picture from this angle? It looks like that from every angle! No, get it away! Oh, I hate public school! Oh my God, oh my God! The most indecent thing I've ever seen in my life is the neck of a turkey.
Isn't the point of a picture is that you choose the best one? Is this his best one? Why would Alec be my secret admirer? Oh, Andie.
Andie, I'm so sorry.
(screaming) You betrayed me! Are you serious? He's my brother, what are you talking about? Courtney, what are you doing? (crying) I know I've asked this before, but I'm gonna ask you again, have you lost your friggin mind? (screaming) Seriously.
(screaming) Lookie here, maniac.
You are taking this out on the wrong one.
You need to confront Alec.
I will accompany you.
I have a couple of questions of my own for my brother dearest.
Okay, yeah, sorry.
I went a little crazy because you're crazy! No, Courtney, Courtney, oh my God.
Courtney, chill out! Courtney, no! I am a singing telegram! [All.]
No! All right! (shouting) - Invasion of privacy, Andie! - What are you doing in here! Invasion of privacy? Are you kidding me? What about this picture you just sent me? What? Ow, Courtney, my perfectly chiseled face! What the frick? Ooh, you've been hitting a lot of people today.
I like mean Courtney.
You've been cheating on me! Sending lavish gifts and love notes to another woman! I'm gonna go ahead and ask you to not refer to me as someone Alec is cheating with.
I'm his sister.
Babe, look Stop.
I know things haven't been okay between us, but how could you do this to me? Uh After three years together.
Um I was your first love, Alec.
Oh, God, she's getting emotional again.
Do you see this? Yeah.
I wanna know.
Why did you do it? I think we all wanna know.
Hi, I'm also curious.
Hey.
This is crazy.
Alec, I can't be with someone who cheats on me.
You can't be with someone who cheats on you? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's what I just said.
Fine.
I did it.
Yeah, I cheated on you, Courtney.
I'm sorry, what? You didn't think I was gonna find out and have to break up with you? You thought I was like stupid or something? I don't know.
I guess I just wasn't thinking about you.
(laughter) Maybe you should start thinking about her, and not, you know, your sister.
I'm sorry, I'm just trying to get caught up here.
Uh, you sent a photo to your sister of Yes.
Jesus, man.
I mean, I guess you probably wanna break up with me now, right? I've said it once, and I'll say it again.
Nobody two-times Courtney Todd.
We are so over! Yeah, I'm out too.
I was gonna send a saucy snap to Mr.
Zapp, but after all this, I'm just gonna go douse my eyes with gasoline, so.
I forwarded that picture to my mom, and then she gave me harvest queen, and then she said I can never come over again.
So What? Wait, don't go.
I really have to tinkle.
Go, go.
I can't believe you were my secret admirer.
Busted! This is legit the meanest thing you've ever done to me.
No, no, no.
I did this for you, young lady.
Okay, this way you can have your little boyfriend with none of the danger.
You can thank me later.
You're welcome.
Look, I know that I like to pretend that we aren't, but Alec, we're actually related.
Yeah? Yes, get help.
Get it fast.
See, bro, Courtney ended it, minimal tears.
Nice! Nice? That's your sister, man.
You're related.
Blood.
(toilet flushing) (knocking) Hello? Cleanup committee's here.
Mr.
Shaw wears size two shoes.
Know what that means? It means I'm the best tap dancer west of Pasadena.
(upbeat rock music)
Previously on Foursome.
Breyer got to meet new Andie, and I hatched a plan all on my own to get the last of Josh's pheromones out of my bod.
And it worked! Mainly because Alec spent the day handcuffed to Courtney to work on their rocky relationship.
Unfortunately, it didn't stop my brother's band room busting.
Get off my sister! [Andie Voiceovere.]
But I finally stood up to my brother.
I'm all grown up now, and you're either gonna need to get on board or get out of my life.
[Andie Voiceover.]
And you know what? I think he's finally getting it.
New Andie, same foursome.
(grunting) I'm blocked up like Yogi.
Cause he's a bear? Most def.
I've gotta stop putting hot sauce on my churro, bro.
Hey, man, you sure it's the Tabasco and not the Court fiasco? Boom.
Ooh, sick rhyme, bro.
Maybe, I don't know, man.
I've been trying to avoid her.
I don't know if she's going through menopause or what, but her emotions are to the brink.
Yeah, so why don't you end it? And have her sob all over my letterman? No way, bro, no way.
It's gotta be her call.
That way I'm off scott free.
Yeah, I know what you mean, man.
Like, why is Greer girls, so annoying, you know? Like, why can't you just end it? Like my sister, man.
I can't believe she said I was a bad big brother.
Everything I do is to protect her.
She's young, all right.
She just want to have fun.
It's not her I don't trust.
It's the me's.
Look at what I did at her age, man! God, she's so ungrateful.
(farting) Jesus, man! You bring me some toilet paper? [Josh.]
There you go.
[Alec.]
Oh, boy, I'm gonna need a lot more TP than this, bro.
This is the worst first fall date ever.
Are you bummed about the fall equinox? I saw your mom working on the float this morning.
What is fall equinox? Is that, like, fancy couscous? Ooh, pumpkin spice couscous? Hello? What flavor couscous? Ugh, I'm surrounded by holla back girls.
When I was home schooled, on the first day of fall, my mom and I would always do autumn activities.
I always won harvest queen.
Congratulations.
Weren't you the only nominee.
Yes.
But it was still an honor.
An honor I'm missing out on this year.
You guys, ever since I started here, I feel like my mom and I are growing apart.
It's time for you to leave the nest.
Uh, no, no, this is my float.
I was gonna surprise my mom with it.
Yeah, that can't stay in here.
Ew.
You can't take it away from me, I'm not ready.
I will make this long distance relationship work.
Good for you, Imogen.
You and your mom are gonna be so happy together.
Don't lie to her.
LDRs never work.
Even if it's a short distance long distance, and you see each other all the time, and you've been dating I mean, related for years, it just doesn't work.
I mean, Imogen's mom is probably pushing her away so she can home school some other kid.
Why else would she be okay with Imogen never being around? She obviously is getting what she needs from someone else in a way that Imogen can't! Courtney, don't project your relationship garbage onto Imogen.
(phone ringing) I can't.
[Voicemail.]
No one is available to take your call right now.
Who are you with, flooze? Guru Dakota, Guru Dakota, I need your help, please.
Hey, scrub.
Get out, lock the door, lose my number, and accept the fact that you're probably gonna die alone.
Is this a test? Yes, and you're failing.
Now scram! Guru Dakota is kinda being a dick.
I am just so sick and tired of the needies.
Everywhere I go, every class I'm in, some freshman fail finds me and asks me for advice.
It's like I can't even catch a break.
I've been so busy trying to finish my holy grail and leading my flock that I just haven't had any he time.
I just need some space.
Speaking of space, you haven't heard from Alec today, have you? Ever since my big speech, Alec's been avoiding me.
Which is amazing because it's only a matter of time before my phero-boys start begging for more.
Once you go Andie, you want more candy.
I mean, it's a good thing I'm not into any of them, cause they're clearly into me.
That confidence, though.
If he's avoiding you, then where has he been? He has been constipated recently, so I don't know, the bathroom? What has he been doing? Who has he been doing? He's cheating on me! If he's not getting any from me, then he must be milking some other cow.
(giggling) I did not mean I'm a cow, Dakota.
I'm sorry.
Okay, you guys are all overreacting.
Your mom just probably dropped her phone in a pumpkin, your followers will forget as quickly as they flocked, and Alec is 40% not cheating on you.
I'm 100% gonna find out.
Cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater.
Nobody two-times Courtney Todd.
Good for her.
She has a plan, just like I did.
As long as she executes it perfectly, like me, who knows? Maybe by the end of the day, I'll be getting ready for a date with one of my extra curriculars.
Bye! Yeah, I liked it better when she hated herself.
(cheerful music) (laughing) Guru Dakota, my girlfriend says she hates me in her sleep.
Is that sub-conscious? No, no more advice.
Can't you see I'm on vacay? I mean, where do you think I got this sand from? Okay.
Now, listen up, virgins.
All y'all better spread the word that I will no longer be hounded with all of your desperate sex queries.
It's like the swatch.
It's a phase.
I'm over it.
All I want to do is relax.
Sex is the last thing that's on my mind.
(disco music) Damn.
Good morning, class.
My name is Mr.
Zapp.
I'm your new chemistry sub.
I'll be taking over for Ms.
Willy today.
[Student.]
[Bleep.]
that ass Ms.
Willy.
She a bitch.
I'm gonna write my name on the board so you all don't forget it.
Are you seeing this? Yeah, his penmanship is the pits.
All right, my job is to teach you all chemistry.
Some have it, and some don't.
(laughing) Did you see that? Yeah, he made a lame dad joke.
We all saw.
Dakota Green? Would you mind coming up here and assisting me? It's very nice to meet you, Dakota.
Pleasure's all mine.
Uh, we'll be wearing safety goggles for every lab we do this year.
Put those on.
Now, you wanna make sure that your goggles are tight, all right, so that they fit snug against your skin.
Thank you for your help, Mr.
Green.
Wanna have a seat? Either my brain is wired one way, or that man is coming onto me.
Okay, Dakota.
Everyone wants you.
Just got flowers for somebody.
Thank you.
Uh, Andie Fixler? That's me.
I wonder who these are from.
Band geek must want more candy.
Please, by all means, read it aloud.
I'm very interested.
Oh my God.
To Andie, from your secret admiral.
Looks like I'm the one everyone wants.
Like I said, date by the end of the day.
I cannot believe my mom hasn't texted me all day.
I mean, who won harvest queen? Probably one of those sluts she's been teaching behind my back.
Wow, Courtney has gotta stop teaching you this lingo.
It's like a baby swearing.
Wrong, but hilarious.
Okay, you know what? Whatever, I don't care.
Just as long as nobody takes my crown.
Imogen, pretty sure that bad boy's all yours.
Vacay terminated? No time for leisure when there's work ahead of me.
Oh, no, Dakota.
It's not in my head! Who's Mr.
Zapp? Our chemistry teacher.
Dakota thinks they have chemistry.
Ew, Dakota, you can't.
No, not with a teacher.
I'm 18, and it's legal.
Plus, it's not in my head.
He winked at me! He probably had Bunsen burner in his eye.
Listen, troll, I refuse to doubt my gaydar.
This teacher, he wants all of my cookies, and I will prove it.
Mr.
Zapp, my newest conquest.
I shall call him my golden goose.
Ooh.
Who are those flowers from? Oh, this old things? They're from an actual secret admirer.
Admiral.
Whatever, at least mine's not in my head.
I'm pretty sure using dudes for pheromones made them want to phero-bone, and more so, fall head over heels in love with me.
What? [Imogen.]
Ew.
I thought you didn't dig any of them because they weren't boyfriend material.
Every girl loves flowers.
Yeah, especially because you never get any.
True.
Thanks, Imogen.
(phone buzzing) It's from an unknown number.
"Hope you like yo flowers, cause I know you love carnations.
"I know a lot about you.
"Your secret admirer.
" Wow, admirer's spelled right.
His phone autocorrected.
Oh my God, if it's one of those guys, and we end up getting married, they could, like, invent an app, and I'll end up hella rich.
Oh my God, no, in all the ways.
Someone's feeling extra, super affectionate.
Some candy, so you can't rejection it.
Andie, fix my empty heart.
From your secret admirer.
Dance break! (dubstep music) That was so legit.
Thanks, Mr.
Shaw.
No, thank you.
I haven't danced in Months.
Mr.
Shaw, was this by any chance from Abbot Frangaucus? He's in my chess club.
Fangaucus, no.
He's out with mono.
Yeah, it's bad.
Word to your mom! [All.]
Ooh.
Ooh! (shouting) Ooh.
Awesome! Hey, Aaron.
It's Pete.
Right, sorry Aaron.
Was this your doing? Hard no.
(popping) (phone dinging) (upbeat pop music) "I have your email too.
"I know you hate the sound of balloons popping, "but ima make sure nothing on you gets popped.
" See you in robotics! Oh my God, Frank! It's Lort.
Thank you so much for my mix tape, Frank.
That's a CD, that's a phone, and I'm offended.
Clearly, I am technically savvy enough to send you an MP3.
I'm in robotics.
And it's the 21st century.
I'm thirsty.
Cool, yeah, sure, right.
How do I put this in this? No.
Come on! Okay, I'm afraid to ask.
Was this you guys? I can't be sure.
To be honest with you, I think we have a problem.
True, we've done, like, a lot of drugs and, to be honest, our short term memory is not great.
I think I moved in with my aunt.
No, that could've been a lamp next to a suitcase.
Super helpful stuff, guys.
I wanna touch it.
No! Thank God.
Josh? (bell ringing) Ah! Whoa, you good? This is one huge teddy bear.
Oh my God, I can't believe it's you.
What? (phone buzzing) Are you calling me? I don't see how that'd be possible.
Okay, well, this has been confusing.
There you go, see you later.
Hello? [Voice On Phone.]
I've been watching you for a long time.
What? Who is this? [Voice On Phone.]
Don't worry about it.
I know what you want, and I'm gonna give it to you.
My surprises have just begun.
Hello? Who is this? What do you want from me? Your hall pass, drama queen.
And I'll be confiscating this.
Now get to class.
I gotta admit, after eliminating all of my usual suspects from my secret admirer list, I was a little freaked.
But then it dawned on me that this could be even better.
There's a guy at Breyer who has been paying such close attention to me that he could be the man of my dreams, and I haven't even met him yet.
How romantic is that? Okay, Mr.
Zapp held the door open for me with his right hand.
Piercing your right ear means you're gay.
He's gay! Ooh, he's so into me! Okay, clearly you aren't going to be any help, so I'll year book this puzzle.
Not Scott Freedman, asexual.
Not Adam Newan.
He's into Asian chicks.
Not Rami Ryder, he's a furry.
Who's a furry? Imogen, per why? Oh, sorry.
I picked these up in the courtyard.
Smells like the time with my mom.
She was my secret admirer when I was home schooled.
How was it a secret? She used to write notes in mustard on my sandwiches.
She's probably writing notes right now to the new children in our basement.
Wow, that is a really weird thing to say.
Here, here.
Where have you been? I've been following Alec all day.
I'm 100% he's living in cheat city.
Courtney, how do you know? Exhibit A, flower receipt.
Exhibit B, I found this in his car.
Exhibit C, a blank CD.
Exhibit D, paint supplies.
Exhibit E, teddy bear stuffing.
(phone dinging) Oh, what the? Is that a Is that from Oh my God, a pick of Alec Fixler? (screaming) Oh my God! OMG, who would send a picture from this angle? It looks like that from every angle! No, get it away! Oh, I hate public school! Oh my God, oh my God! The most indecent thing I've ever seen in my life is the neck of a turkey.
Isn't the point of a picture is that you choose the best one? Is this his best one? Why would Alec be my secret admirer? Oh, Andie.
Andie, I'm so sorry.
(screaming) You betrayed me! Are you serious? He's my brother, what are you talking about? Courtney, what are you doing? (crying) I know I've asked this before, but I'm gonna ask you again, have you lost your friggin mind? (screaming) Seriously.
(screaming) Lookie here, maniac.
You are taking this out on the wrong one.
You need to confront Alec.
I will accompany you.
I have a couple of questions of my own for my brother dearest.
Okay, yeah, sorry.
I went a little crazy because you're crazy! No, Courtney, Courtney, oh my God.
Courtney, chill out! Courtney, no! I am a singing telegram! [All.]
No! All right! (shouting) - Invasion of privacy, Andie! - What are you doing in here! Invasion of privacy? Are you kidding me? What about this picture you just sent me? What? Ow, Courtney, my perfectly chiseled face! What the frick? Ooh, you've been hitting a lot of people today.
I like mean Courtney.
You've been cheating on me! Sending lavish gifts and love notes to another woman! I'm gonna go ahead and ask you to not refer to me as someone Alec is cheating with.
I'm his sister.
Babe, look Stop.
I know things haven't been okay between us, but how could you do this to me? Uh After three years together.
Um I was your first love, Alec.
Oh, God, she's getting emotional again.
Do you see this? Yeah.
I wanna know.
Why did you do it? I think we all wanna know.
Hi, I'm also curious.
Hey.
This is crazy.
Alec, I can't be with someone who cheats on me.
You can't be with someone who cheats on you? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's what I just said.
Fine.
I did it.
Yeah, I cheated on you, Courtney.
I'm sorry, what? You didn't think I was gonna find out and have to break up with you? You thought I was like stupid or something? I don't know.
I guess I just wasn't thinking about you.
(laughter) Maybe you should start thinking about her, and not, you know, your sister.
I'm sorry, I'm just trying to get caught up here.
Uh, you sent a photo to your sister of Yes.
Jesus, man.
I mean, I guess you probably wanna break up with me now, right? I've said it once, and I'll say it again.
Nobody two-times Courtney Todd.
We are so over! Yeah, I'm out too.
I was gonna send a saucy snap to Mr.
Zapp, but after all this, I'm just gonna go douse my eyes with gasoline, so.
I forwarded that picture to my mom, and then she gave me harvest queen, and then she said I can never come over again.
So What? Wait, don't go.
I really have to tinkle.
Go, go.
I can't believe you were my secret admirer.
Busted! This is legit the meanest thing you've ever done to me.
No, no, no.
I did this for you, young lady.
Okay, this way you can have your little boyfriend with none of the danger.
You can thank me later.
You're welcome.
Look, I know that I like to pretend that we aren't, but Alec, we're actually related.
Yeah? Yes, get help.
Get it fast.
See, bro, Courtney ended it, minimal tears.
Nice! Nice? That's your sister, man.
You're related.
Blood.
(toilet flushing) (knocking) Hello? Cleanup committee's here.
Mr.
Shaw wears size two shoes.
Know what that means? It means I'm the best tap dancer west of Pasadena.
(upbeat rock music)