Freakazoid! (1995) s02e02 Episode Script
The Freakazoid
FIZIZl: I believe in superheroes.
I believe they are kind, righteous people who keep their word.
I admire and I respect them.
All except that Hulk fella.
Him I no like.
He's got a bad smell.
A few weeks ago, my daughter, she start dating a boy.
Not a Shriner.
When he come to the house for the first time I take him to the garage to show him my little putt putt.
That's what I call my little Shriner car, my little putt putt.
When When we get to the garage, this boy, his name is Snorts or something he takes one look at my little car, and he starts laughing and saying: "What a stupid little car.
Hey, mister, why you have such a stupid, little, dumb, little stupid car?" This boy, he make fun of my little putt putt in front of my daughter! In front of my daughter! I felt the fool! [CRYING.]
Cut it out.
Look, Mr.
Fizizi, I'm sorry this guy made fun of your little car but what can I do? - I want justice.
I want revenge.
I want you to stuff an egg down his shorts! Please, Freakazoid.
Do what I ask you to do.
All right.
One egg.
[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN.]
[MEOWING AND SPLUTTERING.]
- Is that it? - Nope.
You still got 20 people to see.
Aw.
We've been at this all day.
I hate this.
I know, kid, but it's tradition.
No superhero can refuse any request on their birthday.
Cosgrove, are you positive that's a superhero tradition? What, do you think I'm fibbing? I'm a fibby boy? I heard it somewhere.
Talk to the other superheroes if you don't believe me.
I can't.
They're all away at some conference.
I'm wearing blue socks.
If you put baking soda and vinegar together, they make a little volcano.
Okay, kid, back to work.
I'm sending the next one in.
Okay, folks, who's next? [PLAYING "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU".]
[IN SING-SONG VOICE.]
Bum, bum, bum.
- [IN NORMAL VOICE.]
Is everything ready? - Yeah, boss.
Excellent.
This shouldn't take long.
Unless they're doing the Hokey Pokey, then I might be a while.
[SINGING.]
You put your head in You put your head out You put your head in And you shake it all about You do the Hokey Pokey And you turn yourself around HUNTSMAN: I decided to go to a new town.
I heard it had a lot of crime.
But when I got there, it had all dried up.
Nothing.
Not even so much as a cruddy little jaywalker.
Oh, Freakazoid, I don't know what to do.
You can act like a superhero! Ow.
[IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE.]
"Freakazoid, Freakazoid.
Help me.
Help me.
" [IN NORMAL VOICE.]
Come on, buddy, you're better than this.
You're The Huntsman.
Say it.
"I'm The Huntsman.
" Huntsman.
Now, I'll try to find you a town with some crime.
- You just gotta keep it together, okay? - Okay.
Hey, how come you're not at that superhero conference? I lost the address.
All I know is it's on some moon.
I don't know which one.
Darn the luck.
Darn.
What a whiny boy.
Now are we done? - We're done.
LOBE: Not quite.
Happy birthday, Freakazoid.
Well, go ahead.
Take it.
Or don't you trust me? - No.
- Take it anyway.
Well, open it.
[CLEARING THRO AT.]
A food dehydrator? Trust me, they're heavenly.
Perfect for making beef jerky.
Oh, boy.
Mine.
All right, Lobe.
What's this all about? I just wanted to come by and add my request to all the others.
Yeah, right.
You can't request anything, you're a villain.
Can he, Cosgrove? Yeah, whatever.
Where's meat for the jerky? You have to buy some.
Aw, shoot.
I think you'll find it doesn't matter whether I'm a villain or not.
You have to honor my request the same as the others.
It's in the superhero code book.
I've never heard of this.
Now, here's my request: Nothing.
In other words, Freakazoid, leave me alone.
- What kind of request is that? - Goodbye, Freakazoid.
Cosgrove.
Hey, the next time you give someone a food dehydrator make sure it's got some meat.
[CLEARING THRO AT.]
[SINGING.]
You put your whole self in You put your whole I love your Christmas album.
Your attention, please.
If we had meat, this is where it would go.
[LEAHY SCREAMS.]
The Lobe! He's stealing everything! Joe? Joe, you're our announcer, what are you doing here? They said, you know, um, that I could act in this episode.
Well, then do it, mister.
When you deliver a line, you've gotta mean it, believe it, be it.
Now, go on, do it again.
Go on.
Sorry about this.
And action.
The Lobe! He's stealing everything! [IMITATES WHOOSHING.]
Hold it right there, Lobe.
Give me the bag.
I don't have to.
Or did you happen to forget my little request? Leave me alone.
Remember? - Yeah, but that doesn't - Oh, but it does.
And superheroes always keep their word.
It's in the code book.
Goodbye, Freakazoid.
Let it be written that on this bright and glorious day The Lobe began his treacherous reign of terror and blossomed into the consummate villain.
So it shall be written, so it shall be done.
[LAUGHING.]
Oh, no.
What are we going to do? You're gonna get some acting lessons, mister.
And I'm I'm in big trouble.
[IN SING-SONG VOICES.]
Bum, bum, bum.
MAN [SINGING.]
: You're a meanie Nasty Lobe You're as bad as villains get Your head is really mushy 'Cause you haven't got a skull Nasty Lobe Why, I wouldn't sit next to you on an airplane If there was a seat next to you on an airplane Such a bad guy Nasty Lobe You're as cruel as cruel can be You're vicious You're malicious NARRATOR: We interrupt this program for the following important announcement.
Hi, I'm Joe the Announcer, and I just want to let you know that I've been taking acting classes since the first part of the show and I think I've improved.
I just wanted to let you know that.
Thanks.
NARRATOR: And now, back to our song.
MAN [SINGING.]
: You're despicable and more Nasty Lobe If you invited me to go to the movies with you I probably wouldn't go [LAUGHING.]
[MAN SCREAMING.]
Top of the morning to you, Freakazoid.
[LAUGHING.]
Hey.
What are you doing? I'm fulfilling your request, I'm mowing your lawn.
While The Lobe's attacking everybody? Go get him already.
- What are you, wacko? - No, I'm Wakko.
[SINGING.]
Baton Rouge, Louisiana Indianapolis, Indiana And Columbus is the capital of Ohi Hey.
Wakko, what are you doing? We're kind of in the middle of something here.
Oh, it's okay.
Steven loves it when we do stuff like this.
After all, Animaniacs is his favorite.
Uh, sorry to break this to you, Wakko, but if I'm not mistaken Freakazoid is Steven's favorite show.
We got a memo.
BRAIN: Ahem.
I believe you're both mistaken.
It is the sophisticated wit and charm of Pinky and the Brain that has captured Steven's heart as well as making it the breakaway hit of the WB schedule.
Well, why don't we just go find out.
FREAKAZOID: Brain, I'm sick and tired BRAIN: I don't see your show on prime time.
FREAKAZOID: Steven likes our show.
We're gonna find out right now.
- What are you talking about? - Quiet! Now, what's this about? First of all, Steven, thank you very much for taking the time to meet with us.
We realize you're very busy and Oh, just ask him.
We were just wondering, who's your favorite? Who are you people? FREAKAZOID: Where were we? - Um Oh, uh [MUTTERING.]
Oh, yeah.
What's the matter with you? Go get The Lobe.
L I can't.
Much as it pains me, I have to honor The Lobe's request the same as everyone else's.
- Why, for Pete's sake? - Because it's in the code book, okay? Because superheroes always keep their word no matter what, okay? Shame on you for being so snippy and rude.
- Get out of here.
- Hey, I'm sorry.
Go.
Boo on you.
Boo on you.
I don't get your jokes either.
[YELLING.]
[PEOPLE BOOING.]
[CRYING.]
[GASPS THEN GRO ANS.]
MAN [SINGING.]
: Freakazoid, you wander A teen without a home Everywhere, they hate you You've been cast out You're alone Your deeds have been forgotten The world's a cold, cruel place It's tough to go on living When you cannot Show your face We'll be right back Superhero code book.
Some superhero I am.
What a laugh.
[LAUGHING.]
[LAUGHING.]
I'm nothing but a failure.
I knew it.
[GRUNTING.]
I'm sorry, sir, but you cannot go in there [SCREAMING.]
Hello, Lobe.
Freakazoid, good to see you.
How's that food dehydrator? - I wanna talk to you, alone.
- It's all right.
Whatever you have to say, you can say in front of my tailor.
I trust him with my life.
It's about the code book.
Get out! Well, what about it? There isn't any such thing as a superhero code book.
Is there? You made it all up! You made up all those rules! You fibbed! You're a fibby boy! Oh, Freakazoid.
Really, you're completely delusional.
Whatever gave you a silly, ridiculous idea like that? This! Copyright: Lobe Industries.
I knew I shouldn't have put that on there.
Dumb! Dumb! Dumb! And that tradition about superheroes granting requests on their birthdays.
- You started that whole rumor, didn't you? - No.
Now, that wasn't me.
It's true.
Really.
I swear.
You're a terrible liar, Lobe.
Look me in the eyes and tell me you didn't.
I didn't.
I really, really didn't.
And that superhero conference on some moon.
That was your idea to get them away so I couldn't ask them.
So I couldn't find out the truth.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Ooh! I am so angry with you! LEAHY: Ahem.
Uh, knock, knock.
Hi, Freakazoid.
Lobe.
- Is this a bad time? - Kind of.
Oh, well, it's just that I've taken some acting lessons and I wanted to do a scene for you to show you how much I've improved.
Now's not a good time, Joe.
Oh, for heaven's sake, Freakazoid, let the man act.
Okay, Joe.
Real quick.
It's from Romeo and Juliet.
Act 5, Scene 3.
And I'm Romeo.
Oh, I love this scene.
He thinks Juliet's dead.
He's so overcome with sorrow that he himself plans to join her in death.
Oh, I'm going to cry.
Oy.
Come, bitter conduct.
Come, unsavory guide.
Thou desperate pilot now at once run on LEAHY& LOBE [IN UNISON.]
: the dashing rocks thy seasick weary bark.
Here's to my love.
O true apothecary, thy drugs are quick.
Thus with a kiss I die.
[CRYING.]
- Wow.
Joe, that was great.
- Really? Want me to do it again? No, but it was really good.
Don't you think so, Lo? Thanks a lot, Joe.
Aw, nut bunnies.
[IMITATES WHOOSHING.]
Ha.
[GRO ANS.]
[LAUGHING.]
[GRUNTING.]
Hey, Freakazoid.
The other writers and I think it might be more fun if you could use the Freakmobile in this chase.
What do you say? It would really help the show, if you know what I mean.
Okay.
Heh.
Ha.
[GRUNTING.]
[YELLING.]
So long, Lobe.
How's that? WRITERS [IN UNISON.]
: That a boy.
Oh, phooey.
[CHEERING.]
We knew you could do it, Freakazoid.
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.
And now, what more can I say than, who wants jerky? Cut it out.
I believe they are kind, righteous people who keep their word.
I admire and I respect them.
All except that Hulk fella.
Him I no like.
He's got a bad smell.
A few weeks ago, my daughter, she start dating a boy.
Not a Shriner.
When he come to the house for the first time I take him to the garage to show him my little putt putt.
That's what I call my little Shriner car, my little putt putt.
When When we get to the garage, this boy, his name is Snorts or something he takes one look at my little car, and he starts laughing and saying: "What a stupid little car.
Hey, mister, why you have such a stupid, little, dumb, little stupid car?" This boy, he make fun of my little putt putt in front of my daughter! In front of my daughter! I felt the fool! [CRYING.]
Cut it out.
Look, Mr.
Fizizi, I'm sorry this guy made fun of your little car but what can I do? - I want justice.
I want revenge.
I want you to stuff an egg down his shorts! Please, Freakazoid.
Do what I ask you to do.
All right.
One egg.
[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN.]
[MEOWING AND SPLUTTERING.]
- Is that it? - Nope.
You still got 20 people to see.
Aw.
We've been at this all day.
I hate this.
I know, kid, but it's tradition.
No superhero can refuse any request on their birthday.
Cosgrove, are you positive that's a superhero tradition? What, do you think I'm fibbing? I'm a fibby boy? I heard it somewhere.
Talk to the other superheroes if you don't believe me.
I can't.
They're all away at some conference.
I'm wearing blue socks.
If you put baking soda and vinegar together, they make a little volcano.
Okay, kid, back to work.
I'm sending the next one in.
Okay, folks, who's next? [PLAYING "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU".]
[IN SING-SONG VOICE.]
Bum, bum, bum.
- [IN NORMAL VOICE.]
Is everything ready? - Yeah, boss.
Excellent.
This shouldn't take long.
Unless they're doing the Hokey Pokey, then I might be a while.
[SINGING.]
You put your head in You put your head out You put your head in And you shake it all about You do the Hokey Pokey And you turn yourself around HUNTSMAN: I decided to go to a new town.
I heard it had a lot of crime.
But when I got there, it had all dried up.
Nothing.
Not even so much as a cruddy little jaywalker.
Oh, Freakazoid, I don't know what to do.
You can act like a superhero! Ow.
[IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE.]
"Freakazoid, Freakazoid.
Help me.
Help me.
" [IN NORMAL VOICE.]
Come on, buddy, you're better than this.
You're The Huntsman.
Say it.
"I'm The Huntsman.
" Huntsman.
Now, I'll try to find you a town with some crime.
- You just gotta keep it together, okay? - Okay.
Hey, how come you're not at that superhero conference? I lost the address.
All I know is it's on some moon.
I don't know which one.
Darn the luck.
Darn.
What a whiny boy.
Now are we done? - We're done.
LOBE: Not quite.
Happy birthday, Freakazoid.
Well, go ahead.
Take it.
Or don't you trust me? - No.
- Take it anyway.
Well, open it.
[CLEARING THRO AT.]
A food dehydrator? Trust me, they're heavenly.
Perfect for making beef jerky.
Oh, boy.
Mine.
All right, Lobe.
What's this all about? I just wanted to come by and add my request to all the others.
Yeah, right.
You can't request anything, you're a villain.
Can he, Cosgrove? Yeah, whatever.
Where's meat for the jerky? You have to buy some.
Aw, shoot.
I think you'll find it doesn't matter whether I'm a villain or not.
You have to honor my request the same as the others.
It's in the superhero code book.
I've never heard of this.
Now, here's my request: Nothing.
In other words, Freakazoid, leave me alone.
- What kind of request is that? - Goodbye, Freakazoid.
Cosgrove.
Hey, the next time you give someone a food dehydrator make sure it's got some meat.
[CLEARING THRO AT.]
[SINGING.]
You put your whole self in You put your whole I love your Christmas album.
Your attention, please.
If we had meat, this is where it would go.
[LEAHY SCREAMS.]
The Lobe! He's stealing everything! Joe? Joe, you're our announcer, what are you doing here? They said, you know, um, that I could act in this episode.
Well, then do it, mister.
When you deliver a line, you've gotta mean it, believe it, be it.
Now, go on, do it again.
Go on.
Sorry about this.
And action.
The Lobe! He's stealing everything! [IMITATES WHOOSHING.]
Hold it right there, Lobe.
Give me the bag.
I don't have to.
Or did you happen to forget my little request? Leave me alone.
Remember? - Yeah, but that doesn't - Oh, but it does.
And superheroes always keep their word.
It's in the code book.
Goodbye, Freakazoid.
Let it be written that on this bright and glorious day The Lobe began his treacherous reign of terror and blossomed into the consummate villain.
So it shall be written, so it shall be done.
[LAUGHING.]
Oh, no.
What are we going to do? You're gonna get some acting lessons, mister.
And I'm I'm in big trouble.
[IN SING-SONG VOICES.]
Bum, bum, bum.
MAN [SINGING.]
: You're a meanie Nasty Lobe You're as bad as villains get Your head is really mushy 'Cause you haven't got a skull Nasty Lobe Why, I wouldn't sit next to you on an airplane If there was a seat next to you on an airplane Such a bad guy Nasty Lobe You're as cruel as cruel can be You're vicious You're malicious NARRATOR: We interrupt this program for the following important announcement.
Hi, I'm Joe the Announcer, and I just want to let you know that I've been taking acting classes since the first part of the show and I think I've improved.
I just wanted to let you know that.
Thanks.
NARRATOR: And now, back to our song.
MAN [SINGING.]
: You're despicable and more Nasty Lobe If you invited me to go to the movies with you I probably wouldn't go [LAUGHING.]
[MAN SCREAMING.]
Top of the morning to you, Freakazoid.
[LAUGHING.]
Hey.
What are you doing? I'm fulfilling your request, I'm mowing your lawn.
While The Lobe's attacking everybody? Go get him already.
- What are you, wacko? - No, I'm Wakko.
[SINGING.]
Baton Rouge, Louisiana Indianapolis, Indiana And Columbus is the capital of Ohi Hey.
Wakko, what are you doing? We're kind of in the middle of something here.
Oh, it's okay.
Steven loves it when we do stuff like this.
After all, Animaniacs is his favorite.
Uh, sorry to break this to you, Wakko, but if I'm not mistaken Freakazoid is Steven's favorite show.
We got a memo.
BRAIN: Ahem.
I believe you're both mistaken.
It is the sophisticated wit and charm of Pinky and the Brain that has captured Steven's heart as well as making it the breakaway hit of the WB schedule.
Well, why don't we just go find out.
FREAKAZOID: Brain, I'm sick and tired BRAIN: I don't see your show on prime time.
FREAKAZOID: Steven likes our show.
We're gonna find out right now.
- What are you talking about? - Quiet! Now, what's this about? First of all, Steven, thank you very much for taking the time to meet with us.
We realize you're very busy and Oh, just ask him.
We were just wondering, who's your favorite? Who are you people? FREAKAZOID: Where were we? - Um Oh, uh [MUTTERING.]
Oh, yeah.
What's the matter with you? Go get The Lobe.
L I can't.
Much as it pains me, I have to honor The Lobe's request the same as everyone else's.
- Why, for Pete's sake? - Because it's in the code book, okay? Because superheroes always keep their word no matter what, okay? Shame on you for being so snippy and rude.
- Get out of here.
- Hey, I'm sorry.
Go.
Boo on you.
Boo on you.
I don't get your jokes either.
[YELLING.]
[PEOPLE BOOING.]
[CRYING.]
[GASPS THEN GRO ANS.]
MAN [SINGING.]
: Freakazoid, you wander A teen without a home Everywhere, they hate you You've been cast out You're alone Your deeds have been forgotten The world's a cold, cruel place It's tough to go on living When you cannot Show your face We'll be right back Superhero code book.
Some superhero I am.
What a laugh.
[LAUGHING.]
[LAUGHING.]
I'm nothing but a failure.
I knew it.
[GRUNTING.]
I'm sorry, sir, but you cannot go in there [SCREAMING.]
Hello, Lobe.
Freakazoid, good to see you.
How's that food dehydrator? - I wanna talk to you, alone.
- It's all right.
Whatever you have to say, you can say in front of my tailor.
I trust him with my life.
It's about the code book.
Get out! Well, what about it? There isn't any such thing as a superhero code book.
Is there? You made it all up! You made up all those rules! You fibbed! You're a fibby boy! Oh, Freakazoid.
Really, you're completely delusional.
Whatever gave you a silly, ridiculous idea like that? This! Copyright: Lobe Industries.
I knew I shouldn't have put that on there.
Dumb! Dumb! Dumb! And that tradition about superheroes granting requests on their birthdays.
- You started that whole rumor, didn't you? - No.
Now, that wasn't me.
It's true.
Really.
I swear.
You're a terrible liar, Lobe.
Look me in the eyes and tell me you didn't.
I didn't.
I really, really didn't.
And that superhero conference on some moon.
That was your idea to get them away so I couldn't ask them.
So I couldn't find out the truth.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Ooh! I am so angry with you! LEAHY: Ahem.
Uh, knock, knock.
Hi, Freakazoid.
Lobe.
- Is this a bad time? - Kind of.
Oh, well, it's just that I've taken some acting lessons and I wanted to do a scene for you to show you how much I've improved.
Now's not a good time, Joe.
Oh, for heaven's sake, Freakazoid, let the man act.
Okay, Joe.
Real quick.
It's from Romeo and Juliet.
Act 5, Scene 3.
And I'm Romeo.
Oh, I love this scene.
He thinks Juliet's dead.
He's so overcome with sorrow that he himself plans to join her in death.
Oh, I'm going to cry.
Oy.
Come, bitter conduct.
Come, unsavory guide.
Thou desperate pilot now at once run on LEAHY& LOBE [IN UNISON.]
: the dashing rocks thy seasick weary bark.
Here's to my love.
O true apothecary, thy drugs are quick.
Thus with a kiss I die.
[CRYING.]
- Wow.
Joe, that was great.
- Really? Want me to do it again? No, but it was really good.
Don't you think so, Lo? Thanks a lot, Joe.
Aw, nut bunnies.
[IMITATES WHOOSHING.]
Ha.
[GRO ANS.]
[LAUGHING.]
[GRUNTING.]
Hey, Freakazoid.
The other writers and I think it might be more fun if you could use the Freakmobile in this chase.
What do you say? It would really help the show, if you know what I mean.
Okay.
Heh.
Ha.
[GRUNTING.]
[YELLING.]
So long, Lobe.
How's that? WRITERS [IN UNISON.]
: That a boy.
Oh, phooey.
[CHEERING.]
We knew you could do it, Freakazoid.
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.
And now, what more can I say than, who wants jerky? Cut it out.