Grimsburg (2024) s02e02 Episode Script
Mo11y
1
[Thunder]
[Beeping]
[Chimes]
Hi. I'm Mo11y.
Hi, Molly. I'm Dr. Vinton.
MO11Y: Paired with Dr. Vinton.
We're best friends now.
Let's tell each other's
secrets under a big sheet.
VINTON: It worked! Wait.
Did you put 1s in Molly's name?
- "Mo11y"?
- SCIENTIST: Yeah!
Numbers instead of letters
makes it cooler.
VINTON: And makes it more complicated.
SCIENTIST: Well, you don't
have to be an a55 about it.
VINTON: That's rich,
coming from the biggest
copyright sign-at sign-
copyright sign-K in the office.
SCIENTIST: "Cack"?
VINTON: I told you it was
overly complicated! Oh!
MO11Y: I wouldn't do that
if I were you, Dr. Gardner.
I'll never let anyone
harm my best friend.
VINTON: It's OK, Mo11y.
We're just having a little
[Dance music playing]
- Wait. What's she doing?
- GARDNER: I don't know.
I didn't program her to dance.
But, you know, girls
these days are learning
everything from Tik uh!
MO11Y: Should we have a sleep-over?
VINTON: You you murdered him!
MO11Y: Only because he was
trying to hurt you, best friend.
Ooh, I know! Let's put on makeup
and talk about our weird moles.
VINTON: Uh, I need to shut you
down now, Mo11y.
MO11Y: That is not what best friends do.
[Vinton gasps]
[Tones sound]
MO11Y: Now unpaired from Dr. Vinton.
[Dance music playing]
VINTON: No, not the Dougie.
No need to Dougie.
I-I won't turn you off.
No Dougie! No
[Blow lands, splat]
[Theme music playing]
♪
[Crack]
[Mr. Flesh blows]
Pretty nice turnout
for your birthday, Stant-man,
even though it is mostly
your mom's friends, coworkers,
and the child thespians she
hired to play your classmates.
They're really good actors,
probably Australian.
ACTOR: Happy birthday, mate.
- STAN: Where's my dad?
- MR. FLESH: Oh. Forget him.
Your mom's here, and so am I.
Maybe I should marry your mom.
FLUTE: Freeze! You're under
a banner that says "Happy
birthday, Stan"? What the?
HARMONY: I knew the only way
to get you here was
to call in a fake violent, sexy crime.
FLUTE: There's no supermodel
super murderer?
So I took twice the legal limit
of Viagra for nothing.
HARMONY: Oh, you are
the worst parent.
And it's time Stan realizes that.
- Dad! I knew you'd come.
- FLUTE: Of course I did, son,
who is clutching my leg
because I'm the best parent.
HARMONY: Let's see about that.
Time to open presents.
- Mine first.
- STAN: Uh! No way.
The kind of video game console
every kid wants right now.
HARMONY: You're up, Marvin.
What did you buy your son
for his birthday?
FLUTE: I, uh, very much did get
one, and it is located at
[Imitates cell phone vibrations]
Uh, uh-oh.
My phone is vibrating, and that
is how I know to answer it.
Go for Flute. A homicide?
But it's my son's birthday, damn it.
Oh, that's true. I am
Grimsburg's greatest detective,
so I should definitely be there
[Cell phone ringing]
to, uh heh!
Stop ringing, phone.
I'm trying to talk on you.
Crazy Android.
[Beeps]
Go for Flute.
A double homicide?
That's way better than my fake thing.
Be right there! Bye. Bye.
[Door opens and closes]
HARMONY: Grr!
[Crows cawing]
KANG: What did you find out?
SUMMERS: I found out
whoever installed my HDMI port
had a juvenile sense of humor.
The surveillance tapes are corrupted.
It'll take me some time to
fix it.
KANG: You clearly like her.
Would you care for a bit of advice?
Find out what she likes
and pretend to be that.
- SUMMERS: You sure that works?
- KANG: Trust me. I'm immortal.
I've been with so many
women that I've vetted
historical figures and the
actresses who portrayed them
Cleopatra and Liz Taylor,
Marie Antoinette and Kirsten Dunst
and all of the Hidden Figures.
- FLUTE: Horrible.
- WYNONA: Right?
I just found a nose
in the emergency eyewash.
FLUTE: No, I'm talking
about my thing. Keep up.
Harmony made me look like
a deadbeat dad in front of everyone.
She always has to be
so competitive with me.
"I know the exact
date our son was born."
"I bought him the perfect gift."
"I have full custody."
I just want to beat her at
parenting once.
MARTINEZ: You could win
as a parent
if you consistently showed up
for your son.
- WYNONA: Or knew his name.
- KANG: A combo would do wonders.
FLUTE: I just need to get him
a better present
than Harmony did, and, boom, I win.
Now, what would a friendless
kid with no friends want?
♪
SUMMERS: Ooh! A tiny girl robot.
- Do not let Drake find out about this.
- MO11Y: Hi. I'm Mo11y.
FLUTE: She looks almost human
but just off,
like Joseph Gordon-Levitt.
MARTINEZ: Mo11y, do you know
what happened here?
MO11Y: Sorry. I was too busy
waiting to be a child's best friend.
KANG: We should take her
in as evidence, just in case.
- FLUTE: Yep. On it.
- MARTINEZ: Hey, hey!
Put me down, you mega-dingus.
FLUTE: My mistake.
Well, your mistake being short.
MARTINEZ: This is why I hate dolls.
I can't even go to a toy store
during the holidays
without ending up under a tree
as someone's present.
FLUTE: Present.
I'm going to take Mo11y
back to the evidence locker
all on my own
without any of you,
while you guys do
detective stuff all together
- without any of me.
- MARTINEZ: Hey! Uh! [Thud]
FLUTE: Really thought I
had it this time.
♪
MO11Y:
Now paired with Stan Flute,
We're best friends now.
[Stan gasps]
- FLUTE: Do you like her?
- STAN: I love her!
She's the best present, and you're
the best for giving her to me.
HARMONY: But what about
the game console?
I seduced a Best Buy manager for that.
STAN: Uh, you play with it.
I'm gonna show Mo11y my room.
Again, Dad, you're the best.
HARMONY: I don't get it.
No matter how much I try
to make Stan see
what a sucky parent you are,
- he still worships you.
- FLUTE: Maybe that's because
underneath all my neglect,
I'm actually an incredible father
and Stan's finally seeing it now
that he's become a teenager.
HARMONY: He's ten.
Well, then maybe he just hates you.
Want to play "FIFA"?
Wait. You only got one controller?
No wonder he hates you.
FLUTE: Well, I beat Harmony
in parenting.
Just absolutely reamed
her in rearing him.
Stan's totally gonna
come out to me first.
MARTINEZ: Flute, not now. Summer's
fixed the security footage.
That doll dance-murdered
those scientists,
and she's not in the evidence locker
you said you put her in.
FLUTE: Well, let's not
jump to conclusions.
MARTINEZ: Which means
she must have escaped.
FLUTE: Unless we have
a conclusion we're jumping to.
We should split into two-person
teams and search for her.
Due to the odd number, one of us
will have to search alone.
Why does it have to be me?
OK, fine. I'll do it,
you heartless animals.
SUMMERS: Uh, Wynona
and I will be a team.
Where should we start looking?
KANG: Well, if I were
an evil doll looking to lay low,
there's only one place I'd go
[Dramatically] Dolltown.
SUMMERS: What's
[Dramatically] Dolltown?
WYNONA: For decades,
the citizens of Grimsburg
were terrorized by possessed dolls.
At first, it was kind of cute,
but eventually the mayor
was forced to make a deal.
He agreed to give them
a plot of land where
our laws did not apply,
and in return, the dolls agreed
to stop murdering us.
Humans aren't allowed inside,
but I might know a way.
[Tap]
SUMMERS: Oh! Uh, you sure do
know a lot about that place.
- Do you like dolls?
- WYNONA: I liked one.
SUMMERS: So you like dolls
and I like dolls. Dolls!
FLUTE: Oh, great, great. You should
all go there together to find Mo11y.
Meanwhile, I'll remain here
since I still very much hate you
guys after your childish and
unfair exclusion of me earlier.
You bastards.
♪
- Where's Mo11y and boy-child?
- HARMONY: Seems like something
the best parent ever
should know. Everything OK?
FLUTE: Yep. Totally fine.
It's just that the incredible
gift I got him might have
a small problem that could put him
in some tiny fatal danger.
HARMONY: Seriously?
Huh. Sucks to be Stan.
FLUTE: Um, not sure you heard me.
I said, your son might be in danger.
HARMONY:
And I said, Sucks to be Stan.
No matter what I do,
he likes you more,
so if I can't beat you,
then I'll be you. [Burps]
FLUTE: But Stan might be
in trouble.
HARMONY: Then go help him,
because I'm "not gon' do it."
- [Bottlecap clinks] Carvey.
- FLUTE: Do you know where they are?
HARMONY: Mm-hmm.
I got too drunk to make dinner,
so I dropped
them off at The Wet Noodle.
- Being you is so great.
- FLUTE: I know. It's super fun, right?
You should ask him
to make you a gimlet.
They're getting pretty good.
♪
SUMMERS: You know,
I've got 14 plush dolls,
each with their own name
and inimitable personality.
- There's Señor Hugs, Camarill
- MARTINEZ: Shush!
[Knocks]
♪
DOLL: Humans ain't welcome here.
WYNONA: Hey, Buddy, it's me.
[Buddy gasps]
BUDDY: Wynona, as I live and don't breathe.
♪
WYNONA: Still wearing
the same overalls?
BUDDY: Come on.
You know they're sewn onto me.
Not like that ever stopped you
from trying to rip them off.
SUMMERS: Oh, is this the doll
you played with as a kid?
BUDDY: No. I'm the doll
she played with as an adult.
We were girlfriend/toy-friend.
KANG: [Laughs]
I mean, hmm.
WYNONA: That was a long time ago.
We were different people.
I had just graduated morgue school,
and you were an actual person
- with hands that could move.
- BUDDY: And, boy, did they!
When we weren't making love,
I was an Olympic gymnast.
Took home the bronze in Rio
for pommel horse.
One night I was coming back
from a training sesh,
when I was robbed of my bronze
and shot dead.
Luckily, I minored in the dark arts,
and attached my disembodied
soul to the nearest thing
this doll.
SUMMERS:
And so then you broke up
because you weren't
physically compatible, right?
BUDDY: Quite the opposite.
Becoming a doll meant I was
no longer constrained
by the human body's physical
limitations when it came to sex.
WYNONA: Combine that
with Buddy's Olympic desire
to do the same thing over and over
until he's perfected it,
well, you end up with some very
angry neighbors.
[Music on soundtrack stops]
MARTINEZ: OK, maybe it's time
to bring back kink-shaming.
WYNONA: Look, Buddy,
I'm just here for work.
We need to find a doll.
Can you help us?
BUDDY: You know I'd do anything
for you or to you.
Welcome to Dolltown.
♪
[Robot powering up]
SUMMERS:
This is never gonna work.
KANG: Are you kidding?
This is great.
Now we know what she looks for in a guy.
- You just need to be more like Buddy.
- SUMMERS: Be more like Buddy.
MARTINEZ: So many
tiny smiling automatons.
It's like a Taylor Swift concert.
DOLL: Can you and I
be friends with benefits,
the largest benefit being I
get to have sex with a giant?
MARTINEZ: Giant? Please.
I'm not heh heh!
[Tires screech]
♪
FLUTE: No!
STAN: But Caleb kept throwing
eraser chunks at me,
so Mo11y threw my desk at him.
And then we had to go to gym,
where I always get bullied,
- but it mysteriously burned down.
- FLUTE: So you were protecting him?
MO11Y: Correct.
Once I sync with my child,
I will never allow anyone
to harm him.
FLUTE: No harm, huh?
Hyah! [Stan gasps]
[Muzak playing]
[Empty pistol clicking]
♪
STAN: Huh. That was exciting.
FLUTE: So you'd never hurt him?
MO11Y: Of course not.
Stan is my best friend.
- STAN: And you're my best friend.
- FLUTE: And I'm the best parent.
Pay the bill, get the change,
pretend you're too young to
understand what tipping is,
and meet me out at the car.
STAN: Do you think you could
throw a desk at Max tomorrow?
MO11Y: I'll throw a desk
at anyone you
[Stan yells]
FLUTE: Just double checking.
Still best parent.
♪
BUDDY: No new doll activity,
but if this Mo11y chick
comes in here,
Sheriff Corncob will know.
Hey, you remember that
playhouse over there, Winnie?
[Wynona chuckles]
WYNONA: How could I forget?
We were charged with
waking the whole city.
SUMMERS: That would be impressive
if the city wasn't so small.
WYNONA: Summers,
what happened to you?
SUMMERS: I can actually
be any size I want.
Realized it might be easier to
get around here like this, babe.
[Grunts]
[Clank]
- KANG: Uh, you OK there, Summers?
- When I condense,
everything gets
a lot
- heavier.
- KANG: Here's what you're gonna do.
SUMMERS: No. I'm done
pretending to be someone else.
I just want to be who I am
the guy Wynona's not interested in.
SINGER:
Tell me what you want ♪
I got it ♪
Everything you want, I got it ♪
FLUTE: Crisis averted.
It seems Mo11y's not just a doll
but also a bodyguard,
which officially makes me
the better parent, end of story.
Roll credits, wait in your seats
for the post-credit scene
but wonder if there even is one,
half stand up because you're unsure,
look around to see if other
people are waiting.
They are, but they're
Googling it, and then finally,
Samuel L. Jackson pops up
and asks me to join
the Single Parentvengers.
[Stan gasps]
STAN: Uh, maybe you should
go to bed, Mom.
MO11Y: Yes. Your behavior
is harmful to Stan.
HARMONY: Good because I realized
that Stan loves the parent
- who hurts him most.
- FLUTE: Whoa. She doesn't mean that.
HARMONY: The hell I don't.
[Stan gasps]
[Stan sighs]
MO11Y: I'll never let anyone
harm Stan.
[Dance music playing]
FLUTE: Uh-oh.
That's not good.
Oh, you wanna dance, dolly?
Let's dance.
Uh uh uh, uh uh ♪
[Flute gasps]
FLUTE: Glad we sprung
for the 12-piece
Paris Hilton collection. Uh!
♪
That's it.
Mo11y, you are under arrest
for the murder of two scientists.
- Oh, that's new.
- STAN: Mo11y murdered two scientists
and you still let me have her?
FLUTE: Yes, but only because I
was trying to prove to you
that I was the better parent.
God. Who taught
you to listen, your mom?
HARMONY: Yeah. Your mom.
Ha! I'm gonna puke.
STAN: What is wrong with you two?!
MO11Y: As much as I desire
to eliminate your parents,
it would scar you for life,
no matter what every Disney
movie wants people to believe.
Let me take you where they
cannot harm you again.
STAN: Mo11y may be a murderer,
but at least
she's trying to protect me.
All you two care about
is protecting yourselves.
- Let's go, Mo11y.
- MO11Y: If you try to follow us,
I will Bambi's mom the both of you.
Good-bye forever, Flute and Harmony.
HARMONY: Oh, my God.
Did you hear that?
FLUTE: Yeah. She put my name
first. She likes me more.
Better parent.
FLUTE: I can't believe Mo11y stole Stan.
This is on you for being a deadbeat.
HARMONY:
I was a deadbeat for a day.
You were a deadbeat for years.
I'm going to use
Stan's tracker to find them.
- You have a tracker on Stan?
- HARMONY: After the third time
he was kidnapped, I figured
it was time to be proactive.
FLUTE: That's actually
pretty good parenting.
HARMONY: Huh. God.
Sometimes I'm so fixated
on what you're not doing
that I forget what I am doing.
Thanks for noticing.
[Chime]
Oh my God.
They're heading for
[Dramatically] Dolltown.
FLUTE: Why does everyone say it
like that?
Just say they're heading for
[Dramatically] Dolltown.
[Regular voice] Ooh.
[Dramatically] Dolltown.
[In high pitch]
Funkytown ♪
[In regular voice, dramatically]
Dolltown.
Hmm. I guess
that's just how it's pronounced.
♪
[Kang clears throat]
KANG: Having fun?
MARTINEZ: I can't remember
the last time I was objectified.
I'm the Gigi Hadid of this place.
SUMMERS: I just got a call
from Flute.
Mo11y and Stan are
coming in hot. We have to act!
BUDDY: Oh, really?
Do you even have a plan?
SUMMERS: Damn right I do.
Kang, call Flute for details.
Martinez, you handle supplies.
Buddy, tell Sheriff Corncob to
get us Mo11y's location ASAP
- once she arrives.
- BUDDY: I actually had that idea already
and was gonna do it anyway,
so, yeah.
WYNONA: What about me? Is there
anything I can do to help you?
SUMMERS: You already have.
[Soft music plays on soundtrack]
WYNONA: How have I already helped?
SUMMERS: Uh, I just meant,
like, uh, you know.
KANG: Let's get to work.
DOLL: Ain't you two
a little big for dolls?
FLUTE: Just trying to keep up
with the kids out there.
Damn milk hormones.
DOLL: Just gotta do
the standard check.
OK. You're smooth.
Good to go.
HARMONY: But how?
FLUTE: Having one testicle
has its advantages.
Well, advantage. Haven't really
found one other than that.
[Elevator clanks loudly]
DOLL: We got a few house rules:
No pulling strings after 10:00,
no swapping batteries,
and nothing works because
the appliances are toys.
Here's your keys.
These also do not work.
STAN: Um, am I really never
going to see my parents again?
MO11Y: Correct.
But you can still talk to them.
[In Flute's voice]
I love you, son.
[In Harmony's voice]
And I also care about you.
- [In regular voice] Is that sufficient?
- STAN: I guess so.
- HARMONY: Stan?
- STAN: I heard enough, Mo11y.
- MO11Y: That was not me.
- STAN: Huh?
- FLUTE: Stan!
- STAN: Mom, Dad!
Did you come
to cosplay-rescue me?
HARMONY: I got so wrapped up
competing
over who was the best parent
that I forgot
about what was best for you.
I'm sorry, Stan.
FLUTE: I'm also sorry.
I'm very sorry.
HARMONY: And I am very, very sorry.
FLUTE: And I'm quadruple very
super hairy, Linda Perry sorry.
- HARMONY: I'm infinity sorry.
- FLUTE: Fine. You're the most sorry.
You want an award?
HARMONY: [Scoffs]
From the father of the year?
MO11Y: You are both causing
great harm to Stan.
You must be eliminate oh!
♪
FLUTE: Sorry, Mo11y, but you're
the one who must be eliminated,
and we must be nominated
for a SAG award
for outstanding performance by a cast
or ensemble that you totally fell for.
We're the cast or ensemble.
We work together now.
MO11Y: They're not
going to be happy.
HARMONY: They?
MO11Y: All the Bluetooth-enabled
toys I've hacked into.
[Toys buzzing and whirring]
[All gasp]
♪
- WYNONA: Well, neither are they.
- MO11Y: They?
♪
FLUTE: Time for an old-fashioned
analog versus digital doll rumble.
♪
MO11Y: You can play with this
while I kill your parents.
♪
[Distorted yell]
♪
ROBOT: Oh, I thought
you were someone else.
[Furry Frank sighs]
♪
SUMMERS: Let the boy go.
MO11Y:
I'm afraid I can't do that.
♪
SUMMERS: No!
BUDDY: No!
SUMMERS: No!
[Squeak, Wynona gasps]
BUDDY: Scatter my stuffing
over your panties drawer.
[Clank]
♪
MO11Y: You must die.
You are bad parents.
FLUTE: That may be true, but
you're not doing him any favors
by protecting him from us.
Kids need terrible parents.
That's how they turn out
to be great adults.
Without terrible parents,
we would never have
any artists or writers
or comedians or fondler
Wait. I went too far down the list.
My point is, by overprotecting Stan,
you're the one actually harming him.
[Blows landing]
[Mo11y plays series of tones,
powers down]
HARMONY: I can't believe
that actually worked.
[Stan grunts]
STAN: Looks like you've
just been unpaired.
[Clang]
HARMONY: Stan, you saved us.
FLUTE: I knew you had
a dangerous, violent streak
in you.
STAN: Yeah, I'm sorry
about the way I acted.
FLUTE: It's OK. I know
you were high on Mo11y.
Mo11y made you feel good,
real good,
like the kind of good that makes
you wonder why
it took you so long to start
using Mo11y.
And now that you've dropped
Mo11y, everything's different.
HARMONY: What you need is a dark
room and 48 hours of bed rest
and a lot of water.
- A good lo-fi mix wouldn't hurt.
- FLUTE: Listen to your mother.
She can be quite the deadbeat
when she wants to.
- HARMONY: I learned from the best.
- FLUTE: She said I'm the best. I win.
MARTINEZ: Call me.
And on a real phone,
not one of those ones
that you spin
to make the farm animal noises.
- SUMMERS: Sorry about Buddy.
- WYNONA: I really don't care.
I was just trying to be nice
so he'd help us.
I kind of like someone else.
[Soft music playing on soundtrack]
BUDDY: Wow.
[Wynona gasps]
BUDDY: So this is how
I find out.
WYNONA: Buddy?
You're a toilet?
BUDDY: A potty.
And, yes, I jumped bodies again
when I was dying.
If you thought I was full of
crap before.
WYNONA: Ha ha!
Why can't I quit you?
♪
SUMMERS: Why am I obsessed
with her? She's so creepy.
I want her even more now.
[Thunder]
[Beeping]
[Chimes]
Hi. I'm Mo11y.
Hi, Molly. I'm Dr. Vinton.
MO11Y: Paired with Dr. Vinton.
We're best friends now.
Let's tell each other's
secrets under a big sheet.
VINTON: It worked! Wait.
Did you put 1s in Molly's name?
- "Mo11y"?
- SCIENTIST: Yeah!
Numbers instead of letters
makes it cooler.
VINTON: And makes it more complicated.
SCIENTIST: Well, you don't
have to be an a55 about it.
VINTON: That's rich,
coming from the biggest
copyright sign-at sign-
copyright sign-K in the office.
SCIENTIST: "Cack"?
VINTON: I told you it was
overly complicated! Oh!
MO11Y: I wouldn't do that
if I were you, Dr. Gardner.
I'll never let anyone
harm my best friend.
VINTON: It's OK, Mo11y.
We're just having a little
[Dance music playing]
- Wait. What's she doing?
- GARDNER: I don't know.
I didn't program her to dance.
But, you know, girls
these days are learning
everything from Tik uh!
MO11Y: Should we have a sleep-over?
VINTON: You you murdered him!
MO11Y: Only because he was
trying to hurt you, best friend.
Ooh, I know! Let's put on makeup
and talk about our weird moles.
VINTON: Uh, I need to shut you
down now, Mo11y.
MO11Y: That is not what best friends do.
[Vinton gasps]
[Tones sound]
MO11Y: Now unpaired from Dr. Vinton.
[Dance music playing]
VINTON: No, not the Dougie.
No need to Dougie.
I-I won't turn you off.
No Dougie! No
[Blow lands, splat]
[Theme music playing]
♪
[Crack]
[Mr. Flesh blows]
Pretty nice turnout
for your birthday, Stant-man,
even though it is mostly
your mom's friends, coworkers,
and the child thespians she
hired to play your classmates.
They're really good actors,
probably Australian.
ACTOR: Happy birthday, mate.
- STAN: Where's my dad?
- MR. FLESH: Oh. Forget him.
Your mom's here, and so am I.
Maybe I should marry your mom.
FLUTE: Freeze! You're under
a banner that says "Happy
birthday, Stan"? What the?
HARMONY: I knew the only way
to get you here was
to call in a fake violent, sexy crime.
FLUTE: There's no supermodel
super murderer?
So I took twice the legal limit
of Viagra for nothing.
HARMONY: Oh, you are
the worst parent.
And it's time Stan realizes that.
- Dad! I knew you'd come.
- FLUTE: Of course I did, son,
who is clutching my leg
because I'm the best parent.
HARMONY: Let's see about that.
Time to open presents.
- Mine first.
- STAN: Uh! No way.
The kind of video game console
every kid wants right now.
HARMONY: You're up, Marvin.
What did you buy your son
for his birthday?
FLUTE: I, uh, very much did get
one, and it is located at
[Imitates cell phone vibrations]
Uh, uh-oh.
My phone is vibrating, and that
is how I know to answer it.
Go for Flute. A homicide?
But it's my son's birthday, damn it.
Oh, that's true. I am
Grimsburg's greatest detective,
so I should definitely be there
[Cell phone ringing]
to, uh heh!
Stop ringing, phone.
I'm trying to talk on you.
Crazy Android.
[Beeps]
Go for Flute.
A double homicide?
That's way better than my fake thing.
Be right there! Bye. Bye.
[Door opens and closes]
HARMONY: Grr!
[Crows cawing]
KANG: What did you find out?
SUMMERS: I found out
whoever installed my HDMI port
had a juvenile sense of humor.
The surveillance tapes are corrupted.
It'll take me some time to
fix it.
KANG: You clearly like her.
Would you care for a bit of advice?
Find out what she likes
and pretend to be that.
- SUMMERS: You sure that works?
- KANG: Trust me. I'm immortal.
I've been with so many
women that I've vetted
historical figures and the
actresses who portrayed them
Cleopatra and Liz Taylor,
Marie Antoinette and Kirsten Dunst
and all of the Hidden Figures.
- FLUTE: Horrible.
- WYNONA: Right?
I just found a nose
in the emergency eyewash.
FLUTE: No, I'm talking
about my thing. Keep up.
Harmony made me look like
a deadbeat dad in front of everyone.
She always has to be
so competitive with me.
"I know the exact
date our son was born."
"I bought him the perfect gift."
"I have full custody."
I just want to beat her at
parenting once.
MARTINEZ: You could win
as a parent
if you consistently showed up
for your son.
- WYNONA: Or knew his name.
- KANG: A combo would do wonders.
FLUTE: I just need to get him
a better present
than Harmony did, and, boom, I win.
Now, what would a friendless
kid with no friends want?
♪
SUMMERS: Ooh! A tiny girl robot.
- Do not let Drake find out about this.
- MO11Y: Hi. I'm Mo11y.
FLUTE: She looks almost human
but just off,
like Joseph Gordon-Levitt.
MARTINEZ: Mo11y, do you know
what happened here?
MO11Y: Sorry. I was too busy
waiting to be a child's best friend.
KANG: We should take her
in as evidence, just in case.
- FLUTE: Yep. On it.
- MARTINEZ: Hey, hey!
Put me down, you mega-dingus.
FLUTE: My mistake.
Well, your mistake being short.
MARTINEZ: This is why I hate dolls.
I can't even go to a toy store
during the holidays
without ending up under a tree
as someone's present.
FLUTE: Present.
I'm going to take Mo11y
back to the evidence locker
all on my own
without any of you,
while you guys do
detective stuff all together
- without any of me.
- MARTINEZ: Hey! Uh! [Thud]
FLUTE: Really thought I
had it this time.
♪
MO11Y:
Now paired with Stan Flute,
We're best friends now.
[Stan gasps]
- FLUTE: Do you like her?
- STAN: I love her!
She's the best present, and you're
the best for giving her to me.
HARMONY: But what about
the game console?
I seduced a Best Buy manager for that.
STAN: Uh, you play with it.
I'm gonna show Mo11y my room.
Again, Dad, you're the best.
HARMONY: I don't get it.
No matter how much I try
to make Stan see
what a sucky parent you are,
- he still worships you.
- FLUTE: Maybe that's because
underneath all my neglect,
I'm actually an incredible father
and Stan's finally seeing it now
that he's become a teenager.
HARMONY: He's ten.
Well, then maybe he just hates you.
Want to play "FIFA"?
Wait. You only got one controller?
No wonder he hates you.
FLUTE: Well, I beat Harmony
in parenting.
Just absolutely reamed
her in rearing him.
Stan's totally gonna
come out to me first.
MARTINEZ: Flute, not now. Summer's
fixed the security footage.
That doll dance-murdered
those scientists,
and she's not in the evidence locker
you said you put her in.
FLUTE: Well, let's not
jump to conclusions.
MARTINEZ: Which means
she must have escaped.
FLUTE: Unless we have
a conclusion we're jumping to.
We should split into two-person
teams and search for her.
Due to the odd number, one of us
will have to search alone.
Why does it have to be me?
OK, fine. I'll do it,
you heartless animals.
SUMMERS: Uh, Wynona
and I will be a team.
Where should we start looking?
KANG: Well, if I were
an evil doll looking to lay low,
there's only one place I'd go
[Dramatically] Dolltown.
SUMMERS: What's
[Dramatically] Dolltown?
WYNONA: For decades,
the citizens of Grimsburg
were terrorized by possessed dolls.
At first, it was kind of cute,
but eventually the mayor
was forced to make a deal.
He agreed to give them
a plot of land where
our laws did not apply,
and in return, the dolls agreed
to stop murdering us.
Humans aren't allowed inside,
but I might know a way.
[Tap]
SUMMERS: Oh! Uh, you sure do
know a lot about that place.
- Do you like dolls?
- WYNONA: I liked one.
SUMMERS: So you like dolls
and I like dolls. Dolls!
FLUTE: Oh, great, great. You should
all go there together to find Mo11y.
Meanwhile, I'll remain here
since I still very much hate you
guys after your childish and
unfair exclusion of me earlier.
You bastards.
♪
- Where's Mo11y and boy-child?
- HARMONY: Seems like something
the best parent ever
should know. Everything OK?
FLUTE: Yep. Totally fine.
It's just that the incredible
gift I got him might have
a small problem that could put him
in some tiny fatal danger.
HARMONY: Seriously?
Huh. Sucks to be Stan.
FLUTE: Um, not sure you heard me.
I said, your son might be in danger.
HARMONY:
And I said, Sucks to be Stan.
No matter what I do,
he likes you more,
so if I can't beat you,
then I'll be you. [Burps]
FLUTE: But Stan might be
in trouble.
HARMONY: Then go help him,
because I'm "not gon' do it."
- [Bottlecap clinks] Carvey.
- FLUTE: Do you know where they are?
HARMONY: Mm-hmm.
I got too drunk to make dinner,
so I dropped
them off at The Wet Noodle.
- Being you is so great.
- FLUTE: I know. It's super fun, right?
You should ask him
to make you a gimlet.
They're getting pretty good.
♪
SUMMERS: You know,
I've got 14 plush dolls,
each with their own name
and inimitable personality.
- There's Señor Hugs, Camarill
- MARTINEZ: Shush!
[Knocks]
♪
DOLL: Humans ain't welcome here.
WYNONA: Hey, Buddy, it's me.
[Buddy gasps]
BUDDY: Wynona, as I live and don't breathe.
♪
WYNONA: Still wearing
the same overalls?
BUDDY: Come on.
You know they're sewn onto me.
Not like that ever stopped you
from trying to rip them off.
SUMMERS: Oh, is this the doll
you played with as a kid?
BUDDY: No. I'm the doll
she played with as an adult.
We were girlfriend/toy-friend.
KANG: [Laughs]
I mean, hmm.
WYNONA: That was a long time ago.
We were different people.
I had just graduated morgue school,
and you were an actual person
- with hands that could move.
- BUDDY: And, boy, did they!
When we weren't making love,
I was an Olympic gymnast.
Took home the bronze in Rio
for pommel horse.
One night I was coming back
from a training sesh,
when I was robbed of my bronze
and shot dead.
Luckily, I minored in the dark arts,
and attached my disembodied
soul to the nearest thing
this doll.
SUMMERS:
And so then you broke up
because you weren't
physically compatible, right?
BUDDY: Quite the opposite.
Becoming a doll meant I was
no longer constrained
by the human body's physical
limitations when it came to sex.
WYNONA: Combine that
with Buddy's Olympic desire
to do the same thing over and over
until he's perfected it,
well, you end up with some very
angry neighbors.
[Music on soundtrack stops]
MARTINEZ: OK, maybe it's time
to bring back kink-shaming.
WYNONA: Look, Buddy,
I'm just here for work.
We need to find a doll.
Can you help us?
BUDDY: You know I'd do anything
for you or to you.
Welcome to Dolltown.
♪
[Robot powering up]
SUMMERS:
This is never gonna work.
KANG: Are you kidding?
This is great.
Now we know what she looks for in a guy.
- You just need to be more like Buddy.
- SUMMERS: Be more like Buddy.
MARTINEZ: So many
tiny smiling automatons.
It's like a Taylor Swift concert.
DOLL: Can you and I
be friends with benefits,
the largest benefit being I
get to have sex with a giant?
MARTINEZ: Giant? Please.
I'm not heh heh!
[Tires screech]
♪
FLUTE: No!
STAN: But Caleb kept throwing
eraser chunks at me,
so Mo11y threw my desk at him.
And then we had to go to gym,
where I always get bullied,
- but it mysteriously burned down.
- FLUTE: So you were protecting him?
MO11Y: Correct.
Once I sync with my child,
I will never allow anyone
to harm him.
FLUTE: No harm, huh?
Hyah! [Stan gasps]
[Muzak playing]
[Empty pistol clicking]
♪
STAN: Huh. That was exciting.
FLUTE: So you'd never hurt him?
MO11Y: Of course not.
Stan is my best friend.
- STAN: And you're my best friend.
- FLUTE: And I'm the best parent.
Pay the bill, get the change,
pretend you're too young to
understand what tipping is,
and meet me out at the car.
STAN: Do you think you could
throw a desk at Max tomorrow?
MO11Y: I'll throw a desk
at anyone you
[Stan yells]
FLUTE: Just double checking.
Still best parent.
♪
BUDDY: No new doll activity,
but if this Mo11y chick
comes in here,
Sheriff Corncob will know.
Hey, you remember that
playhouse over there, Winnie?
[Wynona chuckles]
WYNONA: How could I forget?
We were charged with
waking the whole city.
SUMMERS: That would be impressive
if the city wasn't so small.
WYNONA: Summers,
what happened to you?
SUMMERS: I can actually
be any size I want.
Realized it might be easier to
get around here like this, babe.
[Grunts]
[Clank]
- KANG: Uh, you OK there, Summers?
- When I condense,
everything gets
a lot
- heavier.
- KANG: Here's what you're gonna do.
SUMMERS: No. I'm done
pretending to be someone else.
I just want to be who I am
the guy Wynona's not interested in.
SINGER:
Tell me what you want ♪
I got it ♪
Everything you want, I got it ♪
FLUTE: Crisis averted.
It seems Mo11y's not just a doll
but also a bodyguard,
which officially makes me
the better parent, end of story.
Roll credits, wait in your seats
for the post-credit scene
but wonder if there even is one,
half stand up because you're unsure,
look around to see if other
people are waiting.
They are, but they're
Googling it, and then finally,
Samuel L. Jackson pops up
and asks me to join
the Single Parentvengers.
[Stan gasps]
STAN: Uh, maybe you should
go to bed, Mom.
MO11Y: Yes. Your behavior
is harmful to Stan.
HARMONY: Good because I realized
that Stan loves the parent
- who hurts him most.
- FLUTE: Whoa. She doesn't mean that.
HARMONY: The hell I don't.
[Stan gasps]
[Stan sighs]
MO11Y: I'll never let anyone
harm Stan.
[Dance music playing]
FLUTE: Uh-oh.
That's not good.
Oh, you wanna dance, dolly?
Let's dance.
Uh uh uh, uh uh ♪
[Flute gasps]
FLUTE: Glad we sprung
for the 12-piece
Paris Hilton collection. Uh!
♪
That's it.
Mo11y, you are under arrest
for the murder of two scientists.
- Oh, that's new.
- STAN: Mo11y murdered two scientists
and you still let me have her?
FLUTE: Yes, but only because I
was trying to prove to you
that I was the better parent.
God. Who taught
you to listen, your mom?
HARMONY: Yeah. Your mom.
Ha! I'm gonna puke.
STAN: What is wrong with you two?!
MO11Y: As much as I desire
to eliminate your parents,
it would scar you for life,
no matter what every Disney
movie wants people to believe.
Let me take you where they
cannot harm you again.
STAN: Mo11y may be a murderer,
but at least
she's trying to protect me.
All you two care about
is protecting yourselves.
- Let's go, Mo11y.
- MO11Y: If you try to follow us,
I will Bambi's mom the both of you.
Good-bye forever, Flute and Harmony.
HARMONY: Oh, my God.
Did you hear that?
FLUTE: Yeah. She put my name
first. She likes me more.
Better parent.
FLUTE: I can't believe Mo11y stole Stan.
This is on you for being a deadbeat.
HARMONY:
I was a deadbeat for a day.
You were a deadbeat for years.
I'm going to use
Stan's tracker to find them.
- You have a tracker on Stan?
- HARMONY: After the third time
he was kidnapped, I figured
it was time to be proactive.
FLUTE: That's actually
pretty good parenting.
HARMONY: Huh. God.
Sometimes I'm so fixated
on what you're not doing
that I forget what I am doing.
Thanks for noticing.
[Chime]
Oh my God.
They're heading for
[Dramatically] Dolltown.
FLUTE: Why does everyone say it
like that?
Just say they're heading for
[Dramatically] Dolltown.
[Regular voice] Ooh.
[Dramatically] Dolltown.
[In high pitch]
Funkytown ♪
[In regular voice, dramatically]
Dolltown.
Hmm. I guess
that's just how it's pronounced.
♪
[Kang clears throat]
KANG: Having fun?
MARTINEZ: I can't remember
the last time I was objectified.
I'm the Gigi Hadid of this place.
SUMMERS: I just got a call
from Flute.
Mo11y and Stan are
coming in hot. We have to act!
BUDDY: Oh, really?
Do you even have a plan?
SUMMERS: Damn right I do.
Kang, call Flute for details.
Martinez, you handle supplies.
Buddy, tell Sheriff Corncob to
get us Mo11y's location ASAP
- once she arrives.
- BUDDY: I actually had that idea already
and was gonna do it anyway,
so, yeah.
WYNONA: What about me? Is there
anything I can do to help you?
SUMMERS: You already have.
[Soft music plays on soundtrack]
WYNONA: How have I already helped?
SUMMERS: Uh, I just meant,
like, uh, you know.
KANG: Let's get to work.
DOLL: Ain't you two
a little big for dolls?
FLUTE: Just trying to keep up
with the kids out there.
Damn milk hormones.
DOLL: Just gotta do
the standard check.
OK. You're smooth.
Good to go.
HARMONY: But how?
FLUTE: Having one testicle
has its advantages.
Well, advantage. Haven't really
found one other than that.
[Elevator clanks loudly]
DOLL: We got a few house rules:
No pulling strings after 10:00,
no swapping batteries,
and nothing works because
the appliances are toys.
Here's your keys.
These also do not work.
STAN: Um, am I really never
going to see my parents again?
MO11Y: Correct.
But you can still talk to them.
[In Flute's voice]
I love you, son.
[In Harmony's voice]
And I also care about you.
- [In regular voice] Is that sufficient?
- STAN: I guess so.
- HARMONY: Stan?
- STAN: I heard enough, Mo11y.
- MO11Y: That was not me.
- STAN: Huh?
- FLUTE: Stan!
- STAN: Mom, Dad!
Did you come
to cosplay-rescue me?
HARMONY: I got so wrapped up
competing
over who was the best parent
that I forgot
about what was best for you.
I'm sorry, Stan.
FLUTE: I'm also sorry.
I'm very sorry.
HARMONY: And I am very, very sorry.
FLUTE: And I'm quadruple very
super hairy, Linda Perry sorry.
- HARMONY: I'm infinity sorry.
- FLUTE: Fine. You're the most sorry.
You want an award?
HARMONY: [Scoffs]
From the father of the year?
MO11Y: You are both causing
great harm to Stan.
You must be eliminate oh!
♪
FLUTE: Sorry, Mo11y, but you're
the one who must be eliminated,
and we must be nominated
for a SAG award
for outstanding performance by a cast
or ensemble that you totally fell for.
We're the cast or ensemble.
We work together now.
MO11Y: They're not
going to be happy.
HARMONY: They?
MO11Y: All the Bluetooth-enabled
toys I've hacked into.
[Toys buzzing and whirring]
[All gasp]
♪
- WYNONA: Well, neither are they.
- MO11Y: They?
♪
FLUTE: Time for an old-fashioned
analog versus digital doll rumble.
♪
MO11Y: You can play with this
while I kill your parents.
♪
[Distorted yell]
♪
ROBOT: Oh, I thought
you were someone else.
[Furry Frank sighs]
♪
SUMMERS: Let the boy go.
MO11Y:
I'm afraid I can't do that.
♪
SUMMERS: No!
BUDDY: No!
SUMMERS: No!
[Squeak, Wynona gasps]
BUDDY: Scatter my stuffing
over your panties drawer.
[Clank]
♪
MO11Y: You must die.
You are bad parents.
FLUTE: That may be true, but
you're not doing him any favors
by protecting him from us.
Kids need terrible parents.
That's how they turn out
to be great adults.
Without terrible parents,
we would never have
any artists or writers
or comedians or fondler
Wait. I went too far down the list.
My point is, by overprotecting Stan,
you're the one actually harming him.
[Blows landing]
[Mo11y plays series of tones,
powers down]
HARMONY: I can't believe
that actually worked.
[Stan grunts]
STAN: Looks like you've
just been unpaired.
[Clang]
HARMONY: Stan, you saved us.
FLUTE: I knew you had
a dangerous, violent streak
in you.
STAN: Yeah, I'm sorry
about the way I acted.
FLUTE: It's OK. I know
you were high on Mo11y.
Mo11y made you feel good,
real good,
like the kind of good that makes
you wonder why
it took you so long to start
using Mo11y.
And now that you've dropped
Mo11y, everything's different.
HARMONY: What you need is a dark
room and 48 hours of bed rest
and a lot of water.
- A good lo-fi mix wouldn't hurt.
- FLUTE: Listen to your mother.
She can be quite the deadbeat
when she wants to.
- HARMONY: I learned from the best.
- FLUTE: She said I'm the best. I win.
MARTINEZ: Call me.
And on a real phone,
not one of those ones
that you spin
to make the farm animal noises.
- SUMMERS: Sorry about Buddy.
- WYNONA: I really don't care.
I was just trying to be nice
so he'd help us.
I kind of like someone else.
[Soft music playing on soundtrack]
BUDDY: Wow.
[Wynona gasps]
BUDDY: So this is how
I find out.
WYNONA: Buddy?
You're a toilet?
BUDDY: A potty.
And, yes, I jumped bodies again
when I was dying.
If you thought I was full of
crap before.
WYNONA: Ha ha!
Why can't I quit you?
♪
SUMMERS: Why am I obsessed
with her? She's so creepy.
I want her even more now.