Hiccups (2010) s02e02 Episode Script

Hello, Missy Grumpaloo! Now, remember, this is only a prototype.
We have a major department store interested in marketing these.
So if everything goes as planned, they'll be ready just in time for Christmas.
Oh, and we all know what that means.
It means mommy and daddy better get out their wallets.
I was gonna say that Santa's going to be very busy this year.
Well, that goes without saying, but you like the doll, right? Oh, she's beautiful! Will you be my friend? Ah! Devil child! Someone's grumpy.
It's possessed! Someone get a Bible and kill it! That's just a tester voice.
We'll start auditioning for the real Missy voice asap.
Well, why can't I be Missy Grumpaloo? It's just I think we need a professional on this.
Not that you don't have a beautiful voice.
I see.
So, all we need is your approval, and we can get Missy on those shelves for Christmas.
Hmm You know what? I don't think I like that doll very much.
But you just said- Hate it! It's stupid and ugly! Uh-oh.
Here comes trouble.
She's pretending to hate the Missy Grumpaloo doll.
I see, and we want her to really hate the doll? Or love the doll? Maybe she should stop playing with dolls altogether.
She loves the doll.
She wants to be Missy's voice.
And she can't because Christmas is coming.
A lot of money is at stake.
We could be recording Millie in the studio for weeks and still not get what we need.
Well, I could do some voice work with her.
I mean, I'm no James Earl Jones, but I was in junior choir.
Okay, Plan B.
Uh, well, what if you let Millie audition? Maybe when she hears herself compared to professional voices, she'll give in.
Well, it's better than waiting for her to change her mind.
I mean, we all know how stubborn Millie can be.
Come on, Millie, the book store's closing.
Gimme a minute.
I got shortpants on the ropes here.
You gotta blink some time, kid.
Oh, you're good.
I'll set up an audition.
Thanks for shopping at Clubtown.
Wow, you have 127,000 points.
What, points? Every time you buy something, you get points.
Really? Can I cash them in and get, uh Whoa! That leather jacket? Sorry.
It's not in the catalogue.
Oh Here we go.
Let me guess, I can get a rinky-dink beach umbrella, or a beer cooler? Or There's some quality stuff in here.
I shouldn't be telling you this, but they're cancelling the program.
In two days, your points will be wiped out.
What? They can't do that.
I worked hard for those points.
I'm just sayin', if you're gonna use them, better cash them in quick.
Oh-ho, you watch me.
Nobody takes T-Rymes' points, you weasel.
I'm on your side.
Now, remember, these are professional voice actors, so try not to be intimidated.
I'd be more intimidated in a room full of pillow monkeys.
Pillow monkeys? Yeah, monkeys made out of pillows.
Where have you been? Oh, dear.
Take a look at that one.
Looks like she spent the night in a barn.
Lucky for you that this is a voice audition.
W-why? Well, 'cause you got a big zit on your face.
No, seriously, it's like a third eye.
What's her problem? Hey, uh, are one of these girls here your daughter? No.
Why would you think I have a daughter here? Oh, I No reason, just Anyhoo.
That was so freaky! I'm gonna see if I can get him to say something else.
Pardon me, but could you say something else? Millie Upton? At your service! That's a small example of my voice talent.
Lead the way, audition lady.
That better not be my Victoria's Secret catalogue.
Yeah, Victoria's Secret doesn't come out till the first of tte month.
This is a Clubtown points catalogue.
Oh, let me see.
I love Clubtown.
Yeah, me too, but there's nothing I want in this one.
What I wanted was a leather jacket.
Oh A desk-top water feature.
A pond for your desk? That's a stupid idea.
I'll give you $50 for it.
It's getting less stupid.
You don't want any of this stuff? How about an espresso machine? Is there an espresso machine? Mm-hmm.
Oh, I've always wanted one of those, but Stan hates the noise they make.
You know that noise? Yeah, we get it.
You want it? Taylor Rymes Special.
50% off.
Really? Mm-hmm.
Okay, but don't tell Stan.
Mum's the word.
I'll add it to my list of stuff I couldn't care less about.
I am Missy Grumpaloo! Will you be my friend? Sorry about that! No, let me do it again.
Okay, so that's all of them.
Well, I'm no expert, but that last person was horrible.
Actually, that last audition was you.
Seriously, it was the lady who slept in the barn, right? Or was it that guy with no nads? That was you, Millie.
No, it wasn't.
I don't sound like that.
Sometimes, it can be a little strange to hear your voice outside of your own head.
You mean I sound like that all the time? Yeah.
I mean, you don't always belch.
So it's agreed we go with a professional? Hello! Huzzah! See? You sound perfectly fine.
I thought voice number two was good.
What do you think? I think number two was a little chunky.
It's a voice-over.
Whu-ah! A-ah! What you're doing isn't even based on science Aaahh Aah- listen to me! I'm half-crow, half-hyena donkeymonster! Although number four was good, too.
I think we should listen again.
Thanks for the help.
Oh, hey! Glad you could make it.
You seemed a little upset when you left Joyce's office yesterday.
Oh, was I? A little.
So I came up with a relaxation exercise that I think might help.
You and I are going to keep this balloon in the air as long as we can.
It's pretty relaxing, although it can also get a little crazy.
That sounds delightful.
You have a head cold? No, I'm fine.
Tickety-boo.
I know what's going on here.
You're still upset about the audition.
Millie, nobody's voice is perfect, except maybe Brenda Vaccaro's.
The point is, there are some things we can't change and we just have to accept.
I totally accept my voice As we are hearing it now.
And how do you plan to keep up this baritone? I am taking up smoking.
N-no, you're not! Gimme that! This is all very unhealthy.
There are better ways to deal with this.
You're right.
What are you doing? "Irma, dog, Peking?" I can't- "lima-limadogs peeking?" No, I'm going to stop speaking if I don't- oh, you're good.
You got me talking.
Millie, you can't- You almost gave me a heart attack! Aw Damn your balloons! W-wait! Wait up.
Taylor My nephew's soccer team is selling chocolate bars to raise money for new uniforms.
I'm also selling some stuff to help raise money.
Oh, great! For what cause? 'Cause I want a leather jacket.
For a team? Team Taylor.
Wow.
Pretty selfish, Taylor.
Pretty damn selfish.
Oh, and five bucks for a chocolate bar isn't? Having trouble with your points? I can't close the deal.
Sure, if I was a soccer team, or a diseased kid, or a diseased soccer team, I'd be raking it in.
Well, I could help, but- There's always a "but" with you.
But I want that water feature for free.
You want that leather jacket or not? Heaven help me, I do.
Fine, but if I don't get results, then your little desk pond is going to have a run-in with my new Cuisinart five-speed hand mixer.
No, that That doesn't work.
With my new Hah! Steel-shafted callaway nine iron! I am shaking in my boots.
Where the hell have you been? I need Millie to sign off on this Grumpaloo doll.
I keep calling her and all I get is dead air.
She's refusing to speak.
Terrific.
We're going to wind up peddling these plastic voice bags for easter.
Don't worry, there's still plenty of time for you to exploit the miracle of Christmas.
I called Millie and invited her to lunch.
Anna and I have it all worked out.
A little something we call "Operation Millie-talk.
" How did you talk to her on the phone if she refuses to speak? I didn't say we spoke.
It'd be really great if you could make it.
Uh, depends.
What are you having? Paninis.
He says "paninis.
" She says she'll be there.
Here you go.
Nah, I got other plans.
Okay, now you remember the conversation topics? Flavoured popcorn and rum drinks.
What about gay marriage or women in the priesthood? She doesn't understand what the fuss is all about, but flavoured popcorn drives her nuts, and she can't shut up about rum.
Hey! You brought your laptop.
Why did you bring your laptop? Hello, doc.
Thanks for inviting me to punch.
I mean "lunch.
" How resourceful.
Hey, Sheila.
I hear you're selling chocolates around the office.
Yeah, just trying to raise some money for my nephew's soccer team.
Well, if you want to keep selling those chocolates on company time, you might want to do a little something to help the company, and by company, I mean me.
So, I have you down for one food processor.
That'll be 60 bucks.
I'm really glad you You changed your mind, Sheila.
It was changed for me.
Hey, Taylor.
Hey.
Do you have any sweater vests in that magazine? Oh, there sure are.
Three different colours! Great.
Joyce and I were cutting out press clippings when she noticed this.
Jimmy, a sweater vest.
The best bang for your buck is a Bahama Mama.
A couple of those, and you're drunk out of your gourd.
You were right.
She won't shut up about the rum drinks.
Okay, you know what, enough chit-chat.
How long are you going to keep up this no talking thing? Thanks to technology, I may never speak again.
These kernoodles are delicious, Anna.
You're welcome.
This male computer voice is creeping me out.
You sound like you're hitting on my wife.
How's this, Stan, better? Yes- I m-mean, maybe.
Pick another voice.
Do you like this voice? Greetings from the underworld.
Ha-ha-ha.
I am hilarious.
A hilarious demon.
Ha, ha, ha, ha Oh, it looks like somebody forgot to fully charge their battery today.
Tell you what, I'm going to go get dessert.
Anna was just telling me how much she loves flavoured popcorn, weren't you? Oh, yeah.
Dill pickle? So, are you really not going to speak? I'm buying an espresso machine.
Stan doesn't know.
I've been dying to tell someone.
Shh! That's right.
Drink it in, Poindexter.
That should cover the jacket, and my, uh, 127,000 points should cover all this.
It does.
Plus, you have 500 left.
Still trying to screw me over.
You could get two jars of pickles.
Hah! Tryin' to take my points.
Nice try.
I'm on your side.
Yeah? Well, you can go to hell.
Pickles.
I knew he was trying to screw me! Are you really going to keep this up forever? I mean, think of all the great things you're going to miss out on.
Like, Bingo? Forget about it.
Yelling obscenities at an umpire, that's a thing of the past.
Charades Well, I guess you could be a charader, but a charadee? I-I don't You don't want that.
That's a dirty sex thing.
Whoa! Look, I appreciate your commitment and your stick-to-itiveness, but this has gone on long enough, and it's time we put an end to it In here.
under this palm tree you have set me free This is the perfect place for you to embrace your terrible voice.
That- your words not mine.
and dream and dream! See? Even though her voice was painfully shrill, she was happy to share it with us.
Whoo! Extremely happy, and it didn't seem to bother anyone.
Okay, there must be something in here that you'd want to, uh Oh, look! The greatest hits of the B-52s! No? All right, maybe you're more of a Country & Western type.
What, you want me to start? Oh.
Okay, well, uh That's all right.
I mean, it's been a while since junior choir, but, uh, I'm comfortable with my voice.
So here I go.
How about a duet? Okay.
So, Jimmy has his sweater.
And Anna has an espresso maker, and I think that is everything.
What happened to the boxes? And why does everything smell like a pickle? Oh! Oh, there was a small mishap with some harmless brine, but it's nothing to worry about.
I think there is something to worry about.
There's a gherkin in Jimmy's vest.
Okay, I hit a bump and some jars broke, but that's not my fault.
That's it's force majeure.
Forcema who? It's an act of God.
I didn't put the bump in the road.
If anything, we should all be angry at the city for the conditions of these roads.
The damn politicians, huh? Give me my money back, or I'll beat you with this pickle-soaked hunk of junk.
But I already spent all the money on this jacket.
Joyce! Joyce will back me up.
I don't think so.
You need to get me a new water feature.
What? We had a deal.
It's force majeure! It's a thing.
Look it up.
Here comes Mr.
Sunshine makin' it a brighter day oh, yeah here comes Mr.
Sunshine making it a brighter day oh, yeah! That was great.
It was liberating.
Too bad you're missing out.
I might sing some Glen Campbell.
Hey! What the hell was that? I know! It's kind of like a ballad, but it's also kind of an upbeat pop number, so- you sang my song! You wrote "Mr.
Sunshine"? That's one of my favourites! No.
I come here every night and I sing "Mr.
Sunshine," and then I sing "Dance All Night Long.
" Where do you get off singing my song? Okay, Mr.
Toughie, just rel Okay, Mr.
Toughie, just relax.
You spoke! Hey, she spoke! I heard.
You think that deep voice is going to scare me? Well, I do have a demon voice, but I didn't charge the battery- It's hard to keep up.
You Amateurs need to learn a thing or two about karaoke etiquette.
Sing one of my songs again, and there's gonna be trouble.
Well, we certainly wouldn't want any It feels so right it can't be wrong I'm gonna slow dance wit' ya all night long I'm gonna slow dance wit' ya all night long I can really see why you sing this every night because it is a blast! Okay, mille, I think you made your point.
Maybe we should scram now.
Okey-dokey, doc.
It's good to hear your voice again, though.
It has its moments, doesn't it? By the way, Anna bought an espresso machine.
Hey There's my buddy.
Can I help you, sir? You sure can.
I'd like to return this.
Do you have the receipt? Comin' right at you.
The ink has run.
I can't make anything out.
Well, I didn't want to get sticky here, but that's because of those pickles you forced me to take.
This could be a laundry list for all I know.
Sorry, I can't accept this.
Oh, you are loving this, aren't you? Well, guess what.
You just lost yourself a customer, because I am never shopping here again.
Where are your water features? Aisle 14.
There you go.
The doll is approved.
You can soak, or milk, or squeeze whoever you want.
Thank you, and I have something for you.
Oh, could you make it quick? Old faithful here is making me have to pee.
Ta-dah! Missy? Hi.
I'm Missy.
Will you be my friend? Aw, I love it.
You know, my voice is starting to grow on me.
Testing! Is this thing on? Oh, sorry! Can we can do that again? One day, Missy Grumpaloo woke up and discovered that she'd lost her beautiful voice.
She learned that an evil lizard had stolen her voice and was holding it ransom in a magical box.
So, Missy started performing as a mime, and made lots and lots of mooey, and once she had enough, she returned to the lizard, beat his brains in with her bag of coins and took back her voice.