High Maintenance (2016) s02e02 Episode Script
Fagin
1 [man speaking French.]
[man speaking French.]
[man speaking French.]
[camera phone clicks.]
- Pardon moi.
- No problem.
[continues speaking French.]
Okay.
Hey, hey, we should take Claire on that tour.
She's probably already gone.
She lives in the neighborhood.
I might want to go, Ron.
You're a grown-ass woman.
You do what you want.
Come on.
Let's find this damn place.
Thank you so much.
If we had parked closer Wait.
This left or that left? - Let's go this way.
- Okay.
All right.
You've got to be kidding me.
Which one is the Here, let me see.
Oh, this is So it's the red tape on the back of the Aha.
Hey.
Do you think that we should get Claire some mace? Yeah, maybe.
I don't like that there's bars on the windows.
Do you know what doesn't have bars on the windows? - A hotel.
- All right.
That'll be enough of that.
[laughs.]
Oh.
Hello.
Hey.
Afternoon.
- Hello.
- Cute kitty.
A cat on a leash? That's freaky, right? - All right, there we go.
- Oh good.
The whole building, 850K and upward.
It's crazy.
Oh God.
What a dump.
Well, high ceilings, plenty of light.
[door thuds.]
Okay, that's insane.
The bathroom door doesn't even open all the way.
Yeah, well, you know, it adds character.
Eww.
Eww.
Oh! Ron! The gentlemen left me some dishes in the sink.
It's just like home! Man, I got to get these compression socks off.
Honey, no! You don't know who has sat on that thing.
And don't put your bare feet on that filthy carpet.
[Ron groans.]
[sighs.]
[grunts.]
Wait.
[sighs.]
Where's the bedroom? I think it's up there.
Up this ladder? - Uh-huh.
- No, no.
No.
No.
There is never a Sleep Number at the top of a ladder.
It'd be like sleeping in a tree house.
Oh, please, Aunt Sue.
Let's see how whimsical you're feeling the fourth time you get up to pee tonight.
Hey, settle down.
Claire thinks she's doing us a good thing.
It's cheaper than a hotel, and besides, we - Oh, oh, hell no.
- What? - Hell no! - What is it? There's a fucking snake over there! Oh my [laughing.]
Yes, Ron.
It's just like a tree house, with a snake and everything.
It's like The Jungle Book.
Is it in the ad? Did they have it in the ad? I don't know.
I never saw the ad.
You are the one, Ron, who was okay with Claire picking us a place.
- A fucking snake in a box.
- Hey.
Do you know where there are no snakes? Shut up! [laughs.]
Yup, we got in okay.
Found parking a few blocks away.
It was a little bit of a walk.
Oh, honey, is this neighborhood safe for the car? Well, I know, but you never know.
No.
Yes.
The place [whispers.]
No.
That hotel is too expensive.
It is.
No, honey, the place is fine.
Thank you so much for setting it up.
Yup.
Oh no, we are in a loft.
There's a snake.
It is all happening.
Wait.
What? Oh.
Umm [clears throat.]
- Claire didn't know there was a snake.
- Oh, it's in the ad.
The snake's name is Fagin.
- She didn't even read it.
- Fagin? Okay, honey, your dad is freaked out, needless to say.
I am so glad you like it.
I was so stressing out about it.
Oh, honey, it's wonderful.
Daddy and I are going to be very hip, staying here this weekend.
[laughs.]
[grumbles.]
Oh, if anyone in the building asks - Yeah? - Don't say you're doing Airbnb.
- How come? - Well, it's illegal, but not illegal, but really is illegal.
You know what? Don't even Don't even bother.
Okay.
Did you hear that, Ron? We're outlaws.
- Hey.
- Hey, Claire.
Oh my gosh! Hi! Oh, hi.
Mwah.
Hey.
Mwah.
These are my friends.
Bea, Jovon, these are my parents.
Hey, hey.
Hi.
I'm Sharon.
Get so caught up.
I'm so excited.
Oh.
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
So nice to meet you.
Hey, Ron.
How you doing? Oh.
Hi, Bea.
Bea's my new roommate.
- Oh.
- Yeah, yeah.
Are you guys eating here? Well, if we can get a table.
[Chuckles.]
You know what? Let me see if what the girl has to say.
So, what are you up to? [whispers.]
We're stoned A.
F.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Ooh.
You don't have to whisper.
Did you bring enough for everybody? [laughs.]
No, but I guess I could call our guy if you want.
Oh my God, yes! - Can we take a photo? - Sure.
$400 for dinner? [phone camera clicks.]
I did not come here to buy tiny Bea three fucking martinis.
- Mmm.
You know.
- Mom! Come on! [phone camera clicks.]
Okay! We're taking a picture.
Just a second.
Ronnie, go in there.
- Oh.
Oh.
- Go.
Yes, big boy.
[laughs.]
Yay! - Yay! - Fabulous.
It's hard not to look around and just I feel like this place is empty.
She took everything.
My tchotchkes, my plants.
She took everything that made this place like a home.
Now it's all fucking empty.
I don't know, man.
I wouldn't really characterize this place as, uh empty.
Oh? I really let her take everything.
You know, I was trying to be the nice guy.
I got a list of new things I need to buy now.
Well, now you got some new pot, so you can cross that off the list.
[both laugh.]
That I do.
Yeah.
Here you go.
- Little extra for you.
- Oh, thank you.
- Wanna smoke? - No, I can't right now.
Thanks, though, man.
Okay.
Okay.
Have you seen Arielle lately? I thought we talked about this, man.
Please, I just I just need to know.
She didn't ask about you, if that's what you wanna know.
Sorry, man.
Okay.
Wait, wait.
Jared.
Was he there? [phone chimes, buzzes.]
Listen, dude, I really can't come here if you're gonna keep making me talk to you about your ex.
It feels really weird.
I got it, I got it.
I hear you loud and clear.
No, you don't hear me, man.
I don't want money, okay? You-gotta-move-on.
org, okay? He dyed his hair the same color as her.
Okay, dude.
I'm gonna give you a hug and then I'm gonna leave.
Okay? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then we're not gonna talk about your ex anymore.
Okay? All right.
All right.
Hey, chin up.
You've got a lot of stuff going on for you.
You have a clearly defined style, you're a great artist, you got two ram skulls.
She took the third one.
Don't get greedy.
Yeah, those joints are 15 each.
Oh my.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Great to see you, babe.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Uh-huh.
[air-kisses.]
All right, what about CBD? 'Cause all my friends in the "legal" states can't stop flapping their gums about CBD.
Yeah.
No, I used to carry it, but people weren't buying it, so.
Okay, well, what what about Thai stick? Thai stick? Mmhmm.
Thai sticks aren't a thing, Dad.
Yeah, what's a Thai stick? You "What's a Thai stick?" I've never heard of that.
Man, you are a fine purveyor of fine cannabis.
You ain't never heard of Thai stick? I didn't say I was a fine purveyor of cannabis.
[both laugh.]
Don't tell him that that Thai stick is not a thing, okay? - It is totally a thing.
- Yeah.
We were smoking Thai stick before you were a twinkle in your dad's eye.
Yeah.
I want a photo of me with that snake.
- No, no, no, please don't.
No.
Seriously.
- Yes, yes, please do.
Ron will literally crap in his pants.
Okay.
And you know this whole building's million-dollar apartments.
Oh yeah, I know.
I have, um, another client who lives in the building.
- Really? - Yeah.
Oh wow.
Is his apartment nicer than this one? Uh, they have nicer furniture.
Yeah, but I gotta share the same room with a fucking six-foot boa constrictor named Fagin.
- What? - [laughs.]
Yeah.
- Six-foot boa const - Right over there.
[laughter.]
Yes! I don't get too close.
Wow.
[Jovon laughs.]
All right, man.
Good luck.
Oh.
[Chuckles.]
Thank you.
[door opens, closes.]
[laughter continues.]
Thank you so much Oh yeah, you're wonderful.
Good night.
For coming and helping us.
You're beautiful and capable, and you're so smart.
Okay, guys.
All right.
And you're beautiful.
I think you had a little too much.
Okay.
- I'll see you tomorrow.
All right.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right.
I love you.
No more.
No more.
Text us when you get home.
All right.
Okay.
Love you.
Oh, I need some ice cream.
I gotta clean up this place.
[both laugh.]
What? What? You keep saying "bodega.
" I do? - You said it, like, 30 times.
- No, not 30 times.
"Bodega.
Bodega.
" [both laugh.]
Girl! - You are so high.
- Yes, I am.
Okay.
I have to be, in order to deal with that fucking dump that we're in.
You're Airbnb, aren't you? How much is he charging you? What? 'Cause that's not allowed in this building.
What are your names? I don't know who you think you're talking to like that, but we are friends with Derek.
I doubt that.
You're twice his age.
And you are small-minded.
We love Derek, okay? Our snakes are friends.
[both laugh.]
Your what are what? Snake club, bi-atch! [both laugh.]
Get in, get in.
Lock the door! No wonder that cat is trying to get away from her.
She's a fucking crazy freak.
"Snake club, bitch!" "Snake club, bitch!" [both laugh.]
Careful there.
[coughs.]
Do we have any more? Do we have the second joint? - Come on! - Hold up.
- Double up.
- Get out! You're a cheater.
Okay.
[laughs.]
Ho, ho! She scores right off the bat.
I almost scored my own goal.
Let's say you get points if you score your own goal.
Then you would lose.
I'll lose.
This is fun.
Ah! I scored! Boo! Boo! Ah Boo! [exhales.]
[inhales.]
[coughing.]
[both laughing.]
God.
God.
I feel better already.
- I didn't like those girls.
- Which girls? You know, Claire's friends, Bea and Jovon.
No.
[Laughs.]
Honey, Jov [snorts.]
Jovon is a young man.
Oh.
Messed that up.
But Claire says that there's no such thing as gender, so what the hell do I know? Hey, Shar.
Yeah? [laughs.]
[both moaning.]
[bedsprings squeaking.]
[both shout.]
[both laugh.]
[Ronald grunts.]
Oh! Ow! I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Oh.
What are you doing? I'm sorry.
I gotta go to the bathroom.
- Oh fuck.
Fuck.
- What? Honey, what? Did you hurt yourself? We gotta go, Sharon.
What? We gotta go, Sharon.
Oh fuck.
Give me my shoes.
Okay, okay.
Bring me my shoes! Okay, I'll get 'em.
Here.
Here, here, here.
Here, here.
Okay.
Oh my God.
Two doubles are fine.
We'll take whatever you got.
[gasps.]
Jesus.
Yup.
Mm-hmm.
Sorry.
Damn.
[laughs.]
Sorry.
[elevator dings.]
- You startled me.
- Yeah, I'm sorry.
[intercom beeps.]
Hello.
[laughs.]
Good morning, baby.
Morning.
- How'd you sleep? - Fine.
Why were you waiting in the vestibule? Oh, 'cause we took a Zillow walk, and then it was cold, so we went inside to wait for you.
Here you are.
We got coffee at that neat little bodega down there.
Oh, there's much better places on Troutman.
Hey, what say we head into the city, get some brunch? That's right.
I want to hear what that Magnolia Bakery place is all about.
Yeah, but I have to pee.
Can I go inside? No, we've got to move the car.
Ah yeah, I gotta do that.
But I really have to pee.
That's okay.
Some other place.
We enjoyed meeting your friends last night.
So nice.
I was so happy Love never came easily to me I usually use more slang.
Like what? What's your favorite one? I mean, I know it's kind of layman, but I like "pussy.
" Oh, we know that.
[group laughs.]
Here we are.
- Yeah.
- Guys.
Okay, but just we're always, talking, talking.
I thought last week, we decided that this week we were gonna set some actual action goals That's what we're doing.
And that next week we'd circle back.
[singsongy.]
Change of plans! Oh.
What is this? You're so excited about this.
I know.
Okay.
Go.
We actually have a guest moderator for next week.
She's a friend of a friend.
Her name is Amira.
Oh.
Yes.
Okay.
She's a Pakistani Muslim feminist.
She's gonna lead a discussion on intersectionality.
Here? Where? Yeah, so not the white woman leading the conversation.
Probably for the best.
All this stuff has been happening while I've been gone? We've been having a lot of fun, but we've missed you so much.
Every week we talk a lot.
People are energized.
But you know what? The first march was, "Ah!" I mean, I stayed Actually, the first march was super safe.
- It wasn't that crazy.
- It was a lot of anger It actually wasn't very violent, which is not a positive thing.
What are you talking about? That's a great thing.
Everyone was like, "Oh, it was so peaceful.
Good job, protesters.
" The police decide whether they escalate something or not, so I'm not interested in praising the police for not beating the hell out of people.
In Ferguson, the police react very differently to the protesters, and that's because of racism.
And the fact is that we should not be praising the police for showing restraint against white people.
I'm saying that you can have a good time and you can protest at the same time.
They wouldn't move.
They wouldn't act.
Beating the hell out of a peaceful protester I've got a gun.
- What? - I know.
I got a gun.
I got a gun! I got a gun.
That's awesome.
See No, no, no.
Wait.
I have a feeling Okay.
Here's my thought.
Here's my thought.
Come on.
Shit is going down, ladies, and if I'm going to the gun fight, I don't wanna show up armed with my amazing ideals.
I wanna show up with an actual gun.
What No.
What do you think is going to happen when you come with a gun? People use guns.
No, no, I knew you wouldn't like it, but the point is, things are changing.
We didn't think this stuff was going to happen, and it happened.
The rules have changed.
You're gonna shoot yourself in the leg is what's gonna happen.
I'm not gonna shoot myself.
Or someone else.
Once you bring a gun out, more guns come out.
- Yes, exactly.
- That's correct.
Do you know how to use it? I don't I mean, how hard could it be? I have a master's.
I'm sure I can figure out how to - In literature though, right? - Yeah.
Are you kidding? That's great.
You think you can show up to a "gun fight"? What do you mean? Against the police? Against who? Listen, it's a new paradigm.
[doorbell chimes.]
I am responsible for my own Okay, I'm sensing a lot of negativity from you.
I think you're a badass, - and I think that you can take it.
- Thank you.
- Hi, Cecily.
Hi! - Oh my God, you have the glow of revolution on your skin.
[Laughs.]
- Come on in.
- Here, take this.
You brought so much stuff.
I know.
I brought like 52 shades of magenta.
Where's your friend, Nayima? Oh, she couldn't make it.
She had a really bad ayahuasca trip.
Okay.
Here, will you bring these into the other room? [knocks.]
Hey.
They're all waiting.
Oh, Camille.
Hi.
How are you, lady? Good.
How are you doing? I'm good.
It's good to see you.
You too.
Where's my little minimuffin? Oh, she's upstairs with the neighbor.
Oh, what? Play date.
Aw.
I'm a better play date.
Oh.
Will she be back later? - Yes, don't worry.
- I brought food.
Great.
And I got Malia a little gift for being her.
- You're too sweet.
- Thank you.
Well, I was hoping to give it to her myself.
- Okay.
I'm sure that can happen.
- Maybe later.
I'm gonna go join the party.
Sure.
- Molly, Molly, Molly.
- Hi, Camille.
How are you? Camille got Malia a black doll.
Is that weird? I mean, Malia is half black, and she should have an abundance of black dolls of all different types, which she does.
Yeah, but do you think she's trying to tell us something? Like when she babysat, did she take count of how many black dolls and how many white dolls she had or something? I put together this little number.
- Ahh! - Vulva! - It's plush.
Whoa! - It's so detailed.
It has multiple vulvas.
Oh my God.
Wow.
- Where's the vagina? - This is vulva.
You got You're all vulva right now.
There is artistic license.
I imagined your vagina, Rachel, when I made it.
Yeah.
Because, obviously, look at the coloring.
You know what it is? It's tighter that I would think.
Cecily's the only woman of color here.
Do you think she feels okay with that? Well, I know that we strive towards inclusion and representation always, but it's okay.
I'm trying to build a safe space, and I was actually really excited for Malia, to spend some time with some women of color.
Of course.
Of course.
And we can make sure that that happens.
If it doesn't happen today, that's only one time.
Who are you texting? I'm just inviting a few more people since we had some cancellations.
Don't be weird.
I am not being weird.
Your coat drive went really well, though.
Thank you.
It was a huge success.
That was great.
Ooh, I should've given you some coats.
Yeah, you should've.
Sorry.
It's okay.
We did really, really well.
Yeah.
[whispers.]
I kept one coat.
No, you didn't.
Where that weed at, girl? I know.
Actually, we're out, but I was gonna order in.
You want? Yes, I want.
Let's do it.
Of course I want.
You know what? A hot glue gun.
Yes.
Okay, well, plug it in.
Katy Perry is actually Jon Benet Ramsey.
No.
I saw yes.
Have you read that? And I did see this.
Why are you so Why do you immediately negate me? I know, but I just feel like [knock on door.]
Has anybody even looked at the years they were born? It's the eyes.
Hi! Dawnesha! Hi.
It is so good to see you.
Her parents sacrificed her for Katy Perry's success.
- Hey, everyone.
- I'm telling you.
This is Dawnesha.
Hi.
Oh, Hi.
This is my wife, Molly.
Hi.
Oh wait, you guys have met.
You came to her amazing restorative yoga class at Kula.
That's right.
Yes.
Well, I haven't seen this one in my amazing class in a while.
Listen, I've been busy organizing these meet-ups, and I'm glad you could come.
Make a sign.
You want a red wine? Yes, please.
[intercom rings.]
This is, like, beautiful.
Just do this.
Dude, your weed guy's so fast.
He hasn't even texted me back yet.
Brenna, who's here? Who did you invite? I just invited a few more people.
Don't worry about it.
We've got room.
[women chattering.]
- How do you know Brenna? - Oh, I actually don't.
We've never met.
We just follow each other on Instagram.
She sent me a message.
She told me to come over.
It was a mild winter.
I know.
Remember that day, 70 in February? 70 degrees in February.
You know, there are some good things about global warming.
It was really nice.
I mean, it's scary.
Just saying, you know? Hey, you doing all right? You got wine? Hey, girl.
Yeah.
Okay, so this isn't a deck that I've ever really used.
Ooh, whatever.
Tarot's tarot, no? In terms of delineation of tasks, it is like a "Pump Up the Jams" playlist.
Of course, yeah.
I already started it.
Oh.
Okay, great.
[intercom rings.]
Molly, I think Cary's early! Oh, it's the weed guy.
Wait.
Weed guy? I thought we had a policy.
I'm not okay with this.
It's not like he's coming in to hang out with us.
Well, do you think he'll mind if you buy weed in the hall? Just for today? The hallway? I'm not buying weed in the hallway.
What if somebody walks by? [scoffs.]
I don't know! Molly, he just has a really intense male look.
He might trigger someone.
I always use a service that's all women.
Really? It's female owned, female operated.
- Amazing.
- It's called CannaBitches.
CannaBitches? That's wonderful.
[knocks on door.]
It's gonna be fine.
Hey, hey.
What's up? Hey.
Nice to see you.
Hey, Brenna.
Nice to see you too.
Hi.
How are ya? Oh, a party.
Can I take these off? Yes, thank you very much.
Sure.
Someone lost their cat.
Nice to see you.
Nice to see you too.
[Whispers.]
All right, so listen.
I want to let you know that there's a palpable feminine moon energy surging through the space right now Okay.
And just you even being a man could disrupt it, so just try to be neutral, okay? Oh man.
Should I go? No, no, no, no, no.
Come on in.
But just [exhales slowly.]
Okay.
[whispers.]
It's fine.
Are you sure? Yeah.
Okay.
Hey, you wanna set up over here? Uh, sure.
Sure.
Yeah.
Sorry.
Don't mean to take up too much space.
Totally fine.
We got room.
Oh yeah.
Hold on a second.
This idea of male allies just reinforces that we need their voice to speak for us, that they validate our existence and what we want.
- And, uh - Well, how's the Amnesia Haze? Uh, you know, it's good, man ma'am.
It's good.
It's really good.
Uh It's perpetuating the idea that we need them to help us to fix Right, right, and if they wanna help us, they have to stop treating us like we're helpers.
Well, I guess we'll take Amnesia Haze.
Thanks.
I don't have any money.
Brenna, you got cash? - Create machines to jack 'em off.
- There is more - than our lives to procreating.
- Okay.
But not we don't all have to procreate.
- No, we don't.
- But some of us do.
Some want to.
Yeah.
You sure you don't want any more? I think we're all right.
All right.
Oh, hey, will you take a picture of us before you go? White people and black people had to come together for us to end slavery and Jim Crow.
I don't know why I'm gesticulating towards End Jim Crow? Cool.
Guys! Picture, picture, picture! - Quick, quick, quick! - All right.
All right.
You got this.
I want the pussy-teeth sign.
[lively chattering.]
Oh good, get that in the shot.
We got it.
We got it.
We ready? Okay.
- Horizontal? - Yeah, horizontal.
Horizontal? Yeah.
All right.
Okay, here we go.
And hey, there's something What? [screaming, shouting.]
Oh shit! Oh! Shut up! Everybody calm down! Calm down! Calm down.
Calm down! You gotta get under it like a pizza.
You gotta get under it like a pizza.
Yes.
Don't hurt it.
No, you gotta sandwich it.
I am giving him a platform.
We all deserve a platform.
Be careful.
We all deserve this.
Holy shit.
- Don't hurt it.
- I'm not hurting it.
It-it it's soft.
Come on, snake.
Come on, little snake.
Everybody, get down! [screaming, shouting.]
Rachel, you brought a gun in our fucking house? You guys, I am I am handling this.
Rachel, don't you dare shoot that fucking snake in my house! Okay, okay, okay.
It's moving.
I'm all good.
[knocking on door.]
Okay, somebody's at the door.
[women shouting.]
I got it.
I got it.
Rachel, my baby is outside the fucking door.
I'm not shooting Malia.
I'm shooting the snake! - Rachel! - Guys, I'm freaking out! Be quiet! - Mommy.
- Hi, baby.
- Hi.
Hi.
- Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
So, we've got a bit of a situation.
It's totally fine.
It's an adult situation.
Could you just go upstairs, 20 minutes Do you want me to help you? - Put the gun down, Rachel.
- Uh, no.
Absolutely not.
Thank you.
We've got it super under control.
Down! Put the gun down! [women yelling.]
Please stop yelling at me.
Repeat, "I am not insane," and put the gun down.
Okay, okay, I'm sorry! Stop yelling! I'm sorry.
[The Guy groans.]
Okay, okay, should I drop it? Shit.
Don't drop the gun.
Just put it down.
On the table.
Okay, putting it I'm moving the cheese.
I'm moving the cheese.
I'm putting it down.
I'm putting it down.
I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry, you guys.
I love you.
It's just he seems nice.
You brought a gun into this house? All right! Sisters, listen! We gotta get this fucking snake out of the apartment.
Who is with me? - I am with you.
Are you kidding me? - We're with you.
I am supporting you from here! Wait a sec.
I think I know that snake.
What? I've I mean, I don't know the snake.
I delivered down the hall to somebody.
I saw the snake.
His name is Fagin.
Or her name is Fagin.
I don't know.
It's a neighbor's snake.
Fagin.
Fagin.
[indistinct chatter.]
No, no, no, no.
Don't.
Don't.
I just don't think that you should You know what? Everyone shut the fuck up for a second.
You should pick it up by both ends to support it.
I'm supporting it.
You need the butt too.
Pick it up the right way.
Don't [excited chattering.]
All right, move! Move! Move.
Move.
Move.
Move.
Move! Oh shit.
It's down the hall.
Okay, all right, just don't Careful.
Careful.
All right.
That's not the one.
That's not That's not the one.
Hey! Are you guys in that snake club? Snake club? What's that? I don't know what that is.
What does that mean? What are you talking about? We don't know what that is.
Sorry.
I'm looking for a cat.
Just keep going.
[indistinct chatter.]
Be careful! We'll let you know if we see the cat.
Sorry.
Hey, guys, it's 1K.
Sorry I called you "guys.
" Sorry I said "guys.
" [music slows.]
[man speaking French.]
[man speaking French.]
[camera phone clicks.]
- Pardon moi.
- No problem.
[continues speaking French.]
Okay.
Hey, hey, we should take Claire on that tour.
She's probably already gone.
She lives in the neighborhood.
I might want to go, Ron.
You're a grown-ass woman.
You do what you want.
Come on.
Let's find this damn place.
Thank you so much.
If we had parked closer Wait.
This left or that left? - Let's go this way.
- Okay.
All right.
You've got to be kidding me.
Which one is the Here, let me see.
Oh, this is So it's the red tape on the back of the Aha.
Hey.
Do you think that we should get Claire some mace? Yeah, maybe.
I don't like that there's bars on the windows.
Do you know what doesn't have bars on the windows? - A hotel.
- All right.
That'll be enough of that.
[laughs.]
Oh.
Hello.
Hey.
Afternoon.
- Hello.
- Cute kitty.
A cat on a leash? That's freaky, right? - All right, there we go.
- Oh good.
The whole building, 850K and upward.
It's crazy.
Oh God.
What a dump.
Well, high ceilings, plenty of light.
[door thuds.]
Okay, that's insane.
The bathroom door doesn't even open all the way.
Yeah, well, you know, it adds character.
Eww.
Eww.
Oh! Ron! The gentlemen left me some dishes in the sink.
It's just like home! Man, I got to get these compression socks off.
Honey, no! You don't know who has sat on that thing.
And don't put your bare feet on that filthy carpet.
[Ron groans.]
[sighs.]
[grunts.]
Wait.
[sighs.]
Where's the bedroom? I think it's up there.
Up this ladder? - Uh-huh.
- No, no.
No.
No.
There is never a Sleep Number at the top of a ladder.
It'd be like sleeping in a tree house.
Oh, please, Aunt Sue.
Let's see how whimsical you're feeling the fourth time you get up to pee tonight.
Hey, settle down.
Claire thinks she's doing us a good thing.
It's cheaper than a hotel, and besides, we - Oh, oh, hell no.
- What? - Hell no! - What is it? There's a fucking snake over there! Oh my [laughing.]
Yes, Ron.
It's just like a tree house, with a snake and everything.
It's like The Jungle Book.
Is it in the ad? Did they have it in the ad? I don't know.
I never saw the ad.
You are the one, Ron, who was okay with Claire picking us a place.
- A fucking snake in a box.
- Hey.
Do you know where there are no snakes? Shut up! [laughs.]
Yup, we got in okay.
Found parking a few blocks away.
It was a little bit of a walk.
Oh, honey, is this neighborhood safe for the car? Well, I know, but you never know.
No.
Yes.
The place [whispers.]
No.
That hotel is too expensive.
It is.
No, honey, the place is fine.
Thank you so much for setting it up.
Yup.
Oh no, we are in a loft.
There's a snake.
It is all happening.
Wait.
What? Oh.
Umm [clears throat.]
- Claire didn't know there was a snake.
- Oh, it's in the ad.
The snake's name is Fagin.
- She didn't even read it.
- Fagin? Okay, honey, your dad is freaked out, needless to say.
I am so glad you like it.
I was so stressing out about it.
Oh, honey, it's wonderful.
Daddy and I are going to be very hip, staying here this weekend.
[laughs.]
[grumbles.]
Oh, if anyone in the building asks - Yeah? - Don't say you're doing Airbnb.
- How come? - Well, it's illegal, but not illegal, but really is illegal.
You know what? Don't even Don't even bother.
Okay.
Did you hear that, Ron? We're outlaws.
- Hey.
- Hey, Claire.
Oh my gosh! Hi! Oh, hi.
Mwah.
Hey.
Mwah.
These are my friends.
Bea, Jovon, these are my parents.
Hey, hey.
Hi.
I'm Sharon.
Get so caught up.
I'm so excited.
Oh.
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
So nice to meet you.
Hey, Ron.
How you doing? Oh.
Hi, Bea.
Bea's my new roommate.
- Oh.
- Yeah, yeah.
Are you guys eating here? Well, if we can get a table.
[Chuckles.]
You know what? Let me see if what the girl has to say.
So, what are you up to? [whispers.]
We're stoned A.
F.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Ooh.
You don't have to whisper.
Did you bring enough for everybody? [laughs.]
No, but I guess I could call our guy if you want.
Oh my God, yes! - Can we take a photo? - Sure.
$400 for dinner? [phone camera clicks.]
I did not come here to buy tiny Bea three fucking martinis.
- Mmm.
You know.
- Mom! Come on! [phone camera clicks.]
Okay! We're taking a picture.
Just a second.
Ronnie, go in there.
- Oh.
Oh.
- Go.
Yes, big boy.
[laughs.]
Yay! - Yay! - Fabulous.
It's hard not to look around and just I feel like this place is empty.
She took everything.
My tchotchkes, my plants.
She took everything that made this place like a home.
Now it's all fucking empty.
I don't know, man.
I wouldn't really characterize this place as, uh empty.
Oh? I really let her take everything.
You know, I was trying to be the nice guy.
I got a list of new things I need to buy now.
Well, now you got some new pot, so you can cross that off the list.
[both laugh.]
That I do.
Yeah.
Here you go.
- Little extra for you.
- Oh, thank you.
- Wanna smoke? - No, I can't right now.
Thanks, though, man.
Okay.
Okay.
Have you seen Arielle lately? I thought we talked about this, man.
Please, I just I just need to know.
She didn't ask about you, if that's what you wanna know.
Sorry, man.
Okay.
Wait, wait.
Jared.
Was he there? [phone chimes, buzzes.]
Listen, dude, I really can't come here if you're gonna keep making me talk to you about your ex.
It feels really weird.
I got it, I got it.
I hear you loud and clear.
No, you don't hear me, man.
I don't want money, okay? You-gotta-move-on.
org, okay? He dyed his hair the same color as her.
Okay, dude.
I'm gonna give you a hug and then I'm gonna leave.
Okay? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then we're not gonna talk about your ex anymore.
Okay? All right.
All right.
Hey, chin up.
You've got a lot of stuff going on for you.
You have a clearly defined style, you're a great artist, you got two ram skulls.
She took the third one.
Don't get greedy.
Yeah, those joints are 15 each.
Oh my.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Great to see you, babe.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Uh-huh.
[air-kisses.]
All right, what about CBD? 'Cause all my friends in the "legal" states can't stop flapping their gums about CBD.
Yeah.
No, I used to carry it, but people weren't buying it, so.
Okay, well, what what about Thai stick? Thai stick? Mmhmm.
Thai sticks aren't a thing, Dad.
Yeah, what's a Thai stick? You "What's a Thai stick?" I've never heard of that.
Man, you are a fine purveyor of fine cannabis.
You ain't never heard of Thai stick? I didn't say I was a fine purveyor of cannabis.
[both laugh.]
Don't tell him that that Thai stick is not a thing, okay? - It is totally a thing.
- Yeah.
We were smoking Thai stick before you were a twinkle in your dad's eye.
Yeah.
I want a photo of me with that snake.
- No, no, no, please don't.
No.
Seriously.
- Yes, yes, please do.
Ron will literally crap in his pants.
Okay.
And you know this whole building's million-dollar apartments.
Oh yeah, I know.
I have, um, another client who lives in the building.
- Really? - Yeah.
Oh wow.
Is his apartment nicer than this one? Uh, they have nicer furniture.
Yeah, but I gotta share the same room with a fucking six-foot boa constrictor named Fagin.
- What? - [laughs.]
Yeah.
- Six-foot boa const - Right over there.
[laughter.]
Yes! I don't get too close.
Wow.
[Jovon laughs.]
All right, man.
Good luck.
Oh.
[Chuckles.]
Thank you.
[door opens, closes.]
[laughter continues.]
Thank you so much Oh yeah, you're wonderful.
Good night.
For coming and helping us.
You're beautiful and capable, and you're so smart.
Okay, guys.
All right.
And you're beautiful.
I think you had a little too much.
Okay.
- I'll see you tomorrow.
All right.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right.
I love you.
No more.
No more.
Text us when you get home.
All right.
Okay.
Love you.
Oh, I need some ice cream.
I gotta clean up this place.
[both laugh.]
What? What? You keep saying "bodega.
" I do? - You said it, like, 30 times.
- No, not 30 times.
"Bodega.
Bodega.
" [both laugh.]
Girl! - You are so high.
- Yes, I am.
Okay.
I have to be, in order to deal with that fucking dump that we're in.
You're Airbnb, aren't you? How much is he charging you? What? 'Cause that's not allowed in this building.
What are your names? I don't know who you think you're talking to like that, but we are friends with Derek.
I doubt that.
You're twice his age.
And you are small-minded.
We love Derek, okay? Our snakes are friends.
[both laugh.]
Your what are what? Snake club, bi-atch! [both laugh.]
Get in, get in.
Lock the door! No wonder that cat is trying to get away from her.
She's a fucking crazy freak.
"Snake club, bitch!" "Snake club, bitch!" [both laugh.]
Careful there.
[coughs.]
Do we have any more? Do we have the second joint? - Come on! - Hold up.
- Double up.
- Get out! You're a cheater.
Okay.
[laughs.]
Ho, ho! She scores right off the bat.
I almost scored my own goal.
Let's say you get points if you score your own goal.
Then you would lose.
I'll lose.
This is fun.
Ah! I scored! Boo! Boo! Ah Boo! [exhales.]
[inhales.]
[coughing.]
[both laughing.]
God.
God.
I feel better already.
- I didn't like those girls.
- Which girls? You know, Claire's friends, Bea and Jovon.
No.
[Laughs.]
Honey, Jov [snorts.]
Jovon is a young man.
Oh.
Messed that up.
But Claire says that there's no such thing as gender, so what the hell do I know? Hey, Shar.
Yeah? [laughs.]
[both moaning.]
[bedsprings squeaking.]
[both shout.]
[both laugh.]
[Ronald grunts.]
Oh! Ow! I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Oh.
What are you doing? I'm sorry.
I gotta go to the bathroom.
- Oh fuck.
Fuck.
- What? Honey, what? Did you hurt yourself? We gotta go, Sharon.
What? We gotta go, Sharon.
Oh fuck.
Give me my shoes.
Okay, okay.
Bring me my shoes! Okay, I'll get 'em.
Here.
Here, here, here.
Here, here.
Okay.
Oh my God.
Two doubles are fine.
We'll take whatever you got.
[gasps.]
Jesus.
Yup.
Mm-hmm.
Sorry.
Damn.
[laughs.]
Sorry.
[elevator dings.]
- You startled me.
- Yeah, I'm sorry.
[intercom beeps.]
Hello.
[laughs.]
Good morning, baby.
Morning.
- How'd you sleep? - Fine.
Why were you waiting in the vestibule? Oh, 'cause we took a Zillow walk, and then it was cold, so we went inside to wait for you.
Here you are.
We got coffee at that neat little bodega down there.
Oh, there's much better places on Troutman.
Hey, what say we head into the city, get some brunch? That's right.
I want to hear what that Magnolia Bakery place is all about.
Yeah, but I have to pee.
Can I go inside? No, we've got to move the car.
Ah yeah, I gotta do that.
But I really have to pee.
That's okay.
Some other place.
We enjoyed meeting your friends last night.
So nice.
I was so happy Love never came easily to me I usually use more slang.
Like what? What's your favorite one? I mean, I know it's kind of layman, but I like "pussy.
" Oh, we know that.
[group laughs.]
Here we are.
- Yeah.
- Guys.
Okay, but just we're always, talking, talking.
I thought last week, we decided that this week we were gonna set some actual action goals That's what we're doing.
And that next week we'd circle back.
[singsongy.]
Change of plans! Oh.
What is this? You're so excited about this.
I know.
Okay.
Go.
We actually have a guest moderator for next week.
She's a friend of a friend.
Her name is Amira.
Oh.
Yes.
Okay.
She's a Pakistani Muslim feminist.
She's gonna lead a discussion on intersectionality.
Here? Where? Yeah, so not the white woman leading the conversation.
Probably for the best.
All this stuff has been happening while I've been gone? We've been having a lot of fun, but we've missed you so much.
Every week we talk a lot.
People are energized.
But you know what? The first march was, "Ah!" I mean, I stayed Actually, the first march was super safe.
- It wasn't that crazy.
- It was a lot of anger It actually wasn't very violent, which is not a positive thing.
What are you talking about? That's a great thing.
Everyone was like, "Oh, it was so peaceful.
Good job, protesters.
" The police decide whether they escalate something or not, so I'm not interested in praising the police for not beating the hell out of people.
In Ferguson, the police react very differently to the protesters, and that's because of racism.
And the fact is that we should not be praising the police for showing restraint against white people.
I'm saying that you can have a good time and you can protest at the same time.
They wouldn't move.
They wouldn't act.
Beating the hell out of a peaceful protester I've got a gun.
- What? - I know.
I got a gun.
I got a gun! I got a gun.
That's awesome.
See No, no, no.
Wait.
I have a feeling Okay.
Here's my thought.
Here's my thought.
Come on.
Shit is going down, ladies, and if I'm going to the gun fight, I don't wanna show up armed with my amazing ideals.
I wanna show up with an actual gun.
What No.
What do you think is going to happen when you come with a gun? People use guns.
No, no, I knew you wouldn't like it, but the point is, things are changing.
We didn't think this stuff was going to happen, and it happened.
The rules have changed.
You're gonna shoot yourself in the leg is what's gonna happen.
I'm not gonna shoot myself.
Or someone else.
Once you bring a gun out, more guns come out.
- Yes, exactly.
- That's correct.
Do you know how to use it? I don't I mean, how hard could it be? I have a master's.
I'm sure I can figure out how to - In literature though, right? - Yeah.
Are you kidding? That's great.
You think you can show up to a "gun fight"? What do you mean? Against the police? Against who? Listen, it's a new paradigm.
[doorbell chimes.]
I am responsible for my own Okay, I'm sensing a lot of negativity from you.
I think you're a badass, - and I think that you can take it.
- Thank you.
- Hi, Cecily.
Hi! - Oh my God, you have the glow of revolution on your skin.
[Laughs.]
- Come on in.
- Here, take this.
You brought so much stuff.
I know.
I brought like 52 shades of magenta.
Where's your friend, Nayima? Oh, she couldn't make it.
She had a really bad ayahuasca trip.
Okay.
Here, will you bring these into the other room? [knocks.]
Hey.
They're all waiting.
Oh, Camille.
Hi.
How are you, lady? Good.
How are you doing? I'm good.
It's good to see you.
You too.
Where's my little minimuffin? Oh, she's upstairs with the neighbor.
Oh, what? Play date.
Aw.
I'm a better play date.
Oh.
Will she be back later? - Yes, don't worry.
- I brought food.
Great.
And I got Malia a little gift for being her.
- You're too sweet.
- Thank you.
Well, I was hoping to give it to her myself.
- Okay.
I'm sure that can happen.
- Maybe later.
I'm gonna go join the party.
Sure.
- Molly, Molly, Molly.
- Hi, Camille.
How are you? Camille got Malia a black doll.
Is that weird? I mean, Malia is half black, and she should have an abundance of black dolls of all different types, which she does.
Yeah, but do you think she's trying to tell us something? Like when she babysat, did she take count of how many black dolls and how many white dolls she had or something? I put together this little number.
- Ahh! - Vulva! - It's plush.
Whoa! - It's so detailed.
It has multiple vulvas.
Oh my God.
Wow.
- Where's the vagina? - This is vulva.
You got You're all vulva right now.
There is artistic license.
I imagined your vagina, Rachel, when I made it.
Yeah.
Because, obviously, look at the coloring.
You know what it is? It's tighter that I would think.
Cecily's the only woman of color here.
Do you think she feels okay with that? Well, I know that we strive towards inclusion and representation always, but it's okay.
I'm trying to build a safe space, and I was actually really excited for Malia, to spend some time with some women of color.
Of course.
Of course.
And we can make sure that that happens.
If it doesn't happen today, that's only one time.
Who are you texting? I'm just inviting a few more people since we had some cancellations.
Don't be weird.
I am not being weird.
Your coat drive went really well, though.
Thank you.
It was a huge success.
That was great.
Ooh, I should've given you some coats.
Yeah, you should've.
Sorry.
It's okay.
We did really, really well.
Yeah.
[whispers.]
I kept one coat.
No, you didn't.
Where that weed at, girl? I know.
Actually, we're out, but I was gonna order in.
You want? Yes, I want.
Let's do it.
Of course I want.
You know what? A hot glue gun.
Yes.
Okay, well, plug it in.
Katy Perry is actually Jon Benet Ramsey.
No.
I saw yes.
Have you read that? And I did see this.
Why are you so Why do you immediately negate me? I know, but I just feel like [knock on door.]
Has anybody even looked at the years they were born? It's the eyes.
Hi! Dawnesha! Hi.
It is so good to see you.
Her parents sacrificed her for Katy Perry's success.
- Hey, everyone.
- I'm telling you.
This is Dawnesha.
Hi.
Oh, Hi.
This is my wife, Molly.
Hi.
Oh wait, you guys have met.
You came to her amazing restorative yoga class at Kula.
That's right.
Yes.
Well, I haven't seen this one in my amazing class in a while.
Listen, I've been busy organizing these meet-ups, and I'm glad you could come.
Make a sign.
You want a red wine? Yes, please.
[intercom rings.]
This is, like, beautiful.
Just do this.
Dude, your weed guy's so fast.
He hasn't even texted me back yet.
Brenna, who's here? Who did you invite? I just invited a few more people.
Don't worry about it.
We've got room.
[women chattering.]
- How do you know Brenna? - Oh, I actually don't.
We've never met.
We just follow each other on Instagram.
She sent me a message.
She told me to come over.
It was a mild winter.
I know.
Remember that day, 70 in February? 70 degrees in February.
You know, there are some good things about global warming.
It was really nice.
I mean, it's scary.
Just saying, you know? Hey, you doing all right? You got wine? Hey, girl.
Yeah.
Okay, so this isn't a deck that I've ever really used.
Ooh, whatever.
Tarot's tarot, no? In terms of delineation of tasks, it is like a "Pump Up the Jams" playlist.
Of course, yeah.
I already started it.
Oh.
Okay, great.
[intercom rings.]
Molly, I think Cary's early! Oh, it's the weed guy.
Wait.
Weed guy? I thought we had a policy.
I'm not okay with this.
It's not like he's coming in to hang out with us.
Well, do you think he'll mind if you buy weed in the hall? Just for today? The hallway? I'm not buying weed in the hallway.
What if somebody walks by? [scoffs.]
I don't know! Molly, he just has a really intense male look.
He might trigger someone.
I always use a service that's all women.
Really? It's female owned, female operated.
- Amazing.
- It's called CannaBitches.
CannaBitches? That's wonderful.
[knocks on door.]
It's gonna be fine.
Hey, hey.
What's up? Hey.
Nice to see you.
Hey, Brenna.
Nice to see you too.
Hi.
How are ya? Oh, a party.
Can I take these off? Yes, thank you very much.
Sure.
Someone lost their cat.
Nice to see you.
Nice to see you too.
[Whispers.]
All right, so listen.
I want to let you know that there's a palpable feminine moon energy surging through the space right now Okay.
And just you even being a man could disrupt it, so just try to be neutral, okay? Oh man.
Should I go? No, no, no, no, no.
Come on in.
But just [exhales slowly.]
Okay.
[whispers.]
It's fine.
Are you sure? Yeah.
Okay.
Hey, you wanna set up over here? Uh, sure.
Sure.
Yeah.
Sorry.
Don't mean to take up too much space.
Totally fine.
We got room.
Oh yeah.
Hold on a second.
This idea of male allies just reinforces that we need their voice to speak for us, that they validate our existence and what we want.
- And, uh - Well, how's the Amnesia Haze? Uh, you know, it's good, man ma'am.
It's good.
It's really good.
Uh It's perpetuating the idea that we need them to help us to fix Right, right, and if they wanna help us, they have to stop treating us like we're helpers.
Well, I guess we'll take Amnesia Haze.
Thanks.
I don't have any money.
Brenna, you got cash? - Create machines to jack 'em off.
- There is more - than our lives to procreating.
- Okay.
But not we don't all have to procreate.
- No, we don't.
- But some of us do.
Some want to.
Yeah.
You sure you don't want any more? I think we're all right.
All right.
Oh, hey, will you take a picture of us before you go? White people and black people had to come together for us to end slavery and Jim Crow.
I don't know why I'm gesticulating towards End Jim Crow? Cool.
Guys! Picture, picture, picture! - Quick, quick, quick! - All right.
All right.
You got this.
I want the pussy-teeth sign.
[lively chattering.]
Oh good, get that in the shot.
We got it.
We got it.
We ready? Okay.
- Horizontal? - Yeah, horizontal.
Horizontal? Yeah.
All right.
Okay, here we go.
And hey, there's something What? [screaming, shouting.]
Oh shit! Oh! Shut up! Everybody calm down! Calm down! Calm down.
Calm down! You gotta get under it like a pizza.
You gotta get under it like a pizza.
Yes.
Don't hurt it.
No, you gotta sandwich it.
I am giving him a platform.
We all deserve a platform.
Be careful.
We all deserve this.
Holy shit.
- Don't hurt it.
- I'm not hurting it.
It-it it's soft.
Come on, snake.
Come on, little snake.
Everybody, get down! [screaming, shouting.]
Rachel, you brought a gun in our fucking house? You guys, I am I am handling this.
Rachel, don't you dare shoot that fucking snake in my house! Okay, okay, okay.
It's moving.
I'm all good.
[knocking on door.]
Okay, somebody's at the door.
[women shouting.]
I got it.
I got it.
Rachel, my baby is outside the fucking door.
I'm not shooting Malia.
I'm shooting the snake! - Rachel! - Guys, I'm freaking out! Be quiet! - Mommy.
- Hi, baby.
- Hi.
Hi.
- Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
So, we've got a bit of a situation.
It's totally fine.
It's an adult situation.
Could you just go upstairs, 20 minutes Do you want me to help you? - Put the gun down, Rachel.
- Uh, no.
Absolutely not.
Thank you.
We've got it super under control.
Down! Put the gun down! [women yelling.]
Please stop yelling at me.
Repeat, "I am not insane," and put the gun down.
Okay, okay, I'm sorry! Stop yelling! I'm sorry.
[The Guy groans.]
Okay, okay, should I drop it? Shit.
Don't drop the gun.
Just put it down.
On the table.
Okay, putting it I'm moving the cheese.
I'm moving the cheese.
I'm putting it down.
I'm putting it down.
I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry, you guys.
I love you.
It's just he seems nice.
You brought a gun into this house? All right! Sisters, listen! We gotta get this fucking snake out of the apartment.
Who is with me? - I am with you.
Are you kidding me? - We're with you.
I am supporting you from here! Wait a sec.
I think I know that snake.
What? I've I mean, I don't know the snake.
I delivered down the hall to somebody.
I saw the snake.
His name is Fagin.
Or her name is Fagin.
I don't know.
It's a neighbor's snake.
Fagin.
Fagin.
[indistinct chatter.]
No, no, no, no.
Don't.
Don't.
I just don't think that you should You know what? Everyone shut the fuck up for a second.
You should pick it up by both ends to support it.
I'm supporting it.
You need the butt too.
Pick it up the right way.
Don't [excited chattering.]
All right, move! Move! Move.
Move.
Move.
Move.
Move! Oh shit.
It's down the hall.
Okay, all right, just don't Careful.
Careful.
All right.
That's not the one.
That's not That's not the one.
Hey! Are you guys in that snake club? Snake club? What's that? I don't know what that is.
What does that mean? What are you talking about? We don't know what that is.
Sorry.
I'm looking for a cat.
Just keep going.
[indistinct chatter.]
Be careful! We'll let you know if we see the cat.
Sorry.
Hey, guys, it's 1K.
Sorry I called you "guys.
" Sorry I said "guys.
" [music slows.]