Hustle s02e02 Episode Script
Confessions
God made a garden for Man and Woman and he told them '"Do not eat of the fruit from that tree.
'" A serpent visited the Woman and offered her an apple from the tree.
He told her the apple would give her knowledge.
He was very persuasive and Mankind has been paying the price ever since.
All because we were tempted by something we didn't need.
The serpent was the first grifter.
Yo, Terry, what's going on? It's Chazz again.
'Ere what, yeah.
I need those flaming boxes delivered this afternoon, drey.
You can do that for me, just put them all in the van, yeah? Yeah, that'll be great.
Yeah, Terry, gotta put you on hold, it's my mom on the other line.
Probably her hip again.
One sec.
Mr.
Hyotona, konnichiwa.
Yes, the artifact is with me now.
Of course you can see it but time is of the essence.
I'm expecting a consignment of Italian lithographs all arriving this afternoon in identical boxes, unmarked of course.
Mr.
Emmerick's phone.
Mr.
Jensen, I'll put you right through.
Yes, Mr.
Hyotona, I'll have to place you on hold.
It's my Madrid dealer.
Mr.
Jensen.
I'm afraid there's another interested party.
Well, an original, illuminated, of the Pentateuchal books of the Bible is bound to generate a lot of buzz.
You've seen the Photostats? Some of these pictures put even the Book of Kells to shame.
What's that? You haven't seen them? My associate, Professor Jackson, isn't with you? Ash, where is Professor sodding Jackson? Albert hasn't shown.
I can't raise him.
I'm sure there's a very good reason why he's not with you.
Albert's not turned up.
One moment please, Mr.
Jensen, my PA has just walked in.
What do you mean he's not turned up? He ain't there, okay? He's a no-show, Mickey.
The street is an Albert-free zone.
For the poor? Are you troubled, my son? I think I saw the future today.
God sometimes gives us glimpses of the path we are traveling.
I always thought I knew just where I was headed.
Truth is, Sister now I'm not so sure.
Do not despair.
There is always hope.
I don't mean to split hairs, Sister, but I don't believe in hope exactly.
I prefer to call it chance.
And a chance has to be grabbed.
What's your problem, my son? I'm not a churchgoer, Father.
The wife's a big fan, though.
She told me to light a candle to Saint Marie of the Incarnation.
I'll bend the knee to any statue you like.
But you have got to help me.
Albie.
We were worried.
What are you, my nurse? I'm fine.
Look, there's bad news and there's good news.
When you didn't show, the marks lost their bottle.
So you've had the bad, then.
-Where the hell were you? -We were worried.
Albie, if you want to go off-piste, at least let the rest of us know.
This one has always been a no-no.
I've had a bad feeling from the off.
Okay, so what's the good news? Johnny Keyes.
Keyes.
Oh, yeah.
I know him.
Proper hard man.
Proper East End, he is.
I thought he was a chef.
'"The Kitchen King.
'" Yeah, my missus had that book.
So you saw a fancy chef in a church.
Whoopee diddley doo! No.
I saw a powerful, arrogant thug.
With cash in his pockets and desperation in his eyes.
What's he got to be desperate about? He grew up on the streets, robbing houses, talking with his fists.
Yeah, not to mention turning over a couple of banks.
And he did time for that.
A lot of time.
Some say they should have thrown away the key.
This man was evil personified.
Inside I was just like the rest of them.
A nobody.
I did kitchen detail just to pass the time at first.
But then it got into my blood.
And I was devouring books.
Hungry to learn.
Cooking for the big men.
So he gets out of prison and buys a restaurant with a bag of gold bullion.
-And now of course, he runs K's.
-K's.
Who do you have to kill to get a table in there these days? He said it's in case I get a puncture.
So why is he desperate? What most people have forgotten is the story of James.
His son.
In 1974, his one-year-old son was kidnapped.
Never to be heard or seen again.
I had a lot of enemies in those days.
But I'll never know which bastard took him.
I couldn't pay what they wanted.
I didn't have the ransom, all right? I've got to find him.
Before it's too late.
Keyes is sick.
A bum ticker.
He wants to find his heir before they stick him in the ground.
James would be 32 now.
So you're talking birthrights inheritance, that's your angle, is it? Sorry, but stinging some guy who's still grieving over his long lost son? Don't shed one tear for him, my dear.
The guy's a nasty piece of work.
I got a feeling in my bones that he's close.
I got money for him.
Plenty to help him make something of himself, the way I did.
If I could give him the money least then I'd feel I'd done something for him.
Now what? I think we should reunite him with his long lost son.
Albert.
What the hell were you doing in a church today? Gil Stewart died this afternoon.
I was there at the end.
Oh, God.
I'm so sorry, Albert.
You two were like brothers.
We worked Vegas together.
That man was made for bright lights.
Poor bastard.
Died of a stroke in a dental surgery.
Well, someone should sue them.
He was pretending to be the dentist.
Before he died he gave me this.
His wedding ring.
All those years of hard grift and he dies holding a bottle of plaque remover.
When I die, Mickey I want my pockets to be filled with cash.
Let's take Keyes' money, Michael.
So.
How do you feel about playing the prodigal son then? Well? Stacie, find out as much as possible about Keyes'past.
The details will help convince him that Danny is his son.
These old articles talk about a vicious armed robber into everything from extortion to protection rackets.
But once Keyes gets out of jail, he reinvents himself.
Suddenly he's about as dangerous as Delia Smith.
Well, I reckon she's got a dark side.
Salmon nibble? One theory is that he swindled some of his old compadres out of money.
The kidnap was revenge.
Okay.
So how do we usually get a mark? We appeal to their greed.
This bloke's not looking to make money, is he? He's looking to give it away.
So we spin him a sob story.
Will that be enough? You see giving Danny the money has to be his idea.
What you got in there? Got luncheon meat.
Obviously.
-That's on the turn.
-Yeah, that's how I like it.
Who's Albert with? -His new best friends.
-Oh, yeah.
Yeah, bunch of cab drivers he met this morning.
Three jacks.
-Happens to the best of them.
-Yeah.
It does.
Four kings.
You lose, old-timer.
-Go again? -Soon.
I hope.
So, he's had a few, then? Yeah.
He's been here a while.
A rose in a bed of thorns.
We keep away from blokes on a hot streak unless we got another deck up our sleeve.
Albert? Look, mate, gambling's not going to bring Gil back.
Have you called Keyes yet? No, I don't wish to make a reservation.
I wish to speak to Mr.
Keyes.
Yeah, Father O'Brien.
Of course there's nothing like a wine tasting en primeur.
I've just come back from a chateau in Burgundy.
Top stuff.
No.
Of course, it's all bloody show.
Still.
I'm a sucker for the grape.
Who'd you say you were again? Chris.
I run Family Ties.
We help reunite estranged families.
I don't know anything about wine.
Only about 200 people in this country do.
Sammy here accounts for about three of them.
So the priest sent you, then? He called us about three years ago.
Trying to locate his real family.
I'm talking about James.
Your son.
I know this is difficult, but please believe me when I say-- There's no way.
The priest makes one call and finds my son just like that? All right.
Call us when you're ready.
Hello, is that Jobseekers? Yes, I'm wondering if you could help me.
I'm looking for some enthusiastic candidates with a very good telephone manner.
James has been in and out of foster homes since he was three.
He was illegally sold to a childless couple who had a change of heart and abandoned him.
He should have been identified as your son, but unfortunately he wasn't.
I don't buy that you've found him.
He found you, Mr.
Keyes.
Quite some time ago.
He didn't know if you'd want to see him.
But when Father O'Brien called us that's when James knew.
I'll be in touch.
I hope this brief role-play has given you some idea of the environment you'd be expected to work in.
Mr.
Starkey will hand out questionnaires.
Please hand them back as you leave.
And we'll be in touch with the lucky two we've chosen in due course.
Thank you for your time.
What is that? Don't look in the cupboard.
Is it gonna jump out? -Jesus! -I warned you.
What do you think the air freshener's are for? Albie.
Nobody's going to the funeral.
But, Gil would have loved this.
He's being buried under the name of Benedict Doonan.
Died a dentist.
Buried a dentist.
So he doesn't get his own name on his headstone? -Bummer.
-What does it matter? Who's gonna be there to cry for him? What's eating Gilbert Grape? Well, he won't admit it, but it's grief.
Hello, Chris speaking.
Yeah, no that's no trouble at all.
We can get that arranged.
Yeah.
Okay, cheers.
That was Keyes' lawyer.
They want a blood test.
Organ courier.
Theater.
Which floor? Your contact is? Contact sheet's back in my panniers.
I wasn't told of a transplant.
Yeah, well sorry, love, but seeing as you're not doing the operation maybe they didn't make you a priority.
Which floor? -I'm afraid I can't let you through until-- -Right.
Okay.
There's a fella upstairs the same color as a canary and he's waiting for one of these.
On a slab.
On a drip.
Cut open.
With a little machine doing the job of his liver for him.
You want to ask him if he minds hanging on a bit while I go and get my clipboard? Thank you.
Staff.
Excellent.
I'll need someone available to take a blood sample for me in about half an hour.
Get me three chairs and an internal phone and coffee, three sugars if you can.
The doctor is in.
Dr.
Reef.
Yes, he phoned to let us know.
-First floor and follow the signs.
-Cheers.
This is all rather unorthodox.
Protocol is to send these results in the post.
But since you insist on knowing now.
Let's have it.
We compared the DNA from your sample to that of James Haworth.
The relative chance of paternity is 99.
99%.
So James.
It is as beyond doubt as it can be.
He is your son, Mr.
Keyes.
I want a second opinion.
I'm sorry? I want it reconfirmed.
Now.
-Well, you can see the results.
-It's the way I do things.
You get another doctor in.
Now.
Well, I'm not sure I can just pull a colleague off the corridor.
If it'll put Mr.
Keyes' mind at rest, Doctor.
Very well.
Do you want a cup of something? He's been ages.
He's made a cock-up.
I knew this wasn't right.
Yeah, think I agree.
What, we're going? Well, it's not doing you any good pacing up and down here.
Besides, they can always send the second opinion in the post.
-Do you really think we should go? -It's your call.
You're in the driving seat.
I'm here to unite people not alienate them.
Five more minutes.
Okay.
This is Dr.
Mansfield.
Dr.
Mansfield, I will show you these two DNA results.
Your assessment, please.
-They're related? -Yes.
I need a drink.
You did very well.
-So am I a doctor now? -Definitely.
Do I get to do operations? I'd like to operate on a heart, or an eye, or a lung.
Steady, these pre-meds can really give you the wobbles.
Or a brain.
Yeah, let's get you back to bed.
God, the things I do for you guys.
-You look cute.
-Yeah, you look fantastic.
Juliette Keyes.
She's on to her third husband.
She'll want to know what you're after financially.
Yeah, but the blood test confirms it, doesn't it? I'm his son.
But still, I'll be there to stage-manage.
-Okay, you look great, let's go eat.
-Just looking.
Thank you.
It's okay, come on.
Right.
This is James.
Jimmy.
Everyone calls me Jimmy.
And this is Jimmy's missus-to-be, Paula.
This is an amazing place.
Isn't it amazing, Jimmy? Yeah.
It's amazing.
I'm Juliette.
Handsome devil isn't he, Johnny.
So you found us all right, then? Yeah.
Well, it took a few years.
The important thing at this very early stage is not to worry about any doubts or fears or anything.
Just, you know, be patient.
It's an amazing place, this.
You got to keep ahead in the restaurant game.
Customers will eat the food, but when it comes to other chefs, it's dog eat dog.
Cost us everything, this place.
It's amazing.
Keep the menus brief, that's the trick.
People want to be told what to eat.
So what are you cooking, Jimmy? Well, I'm just at Burger Chef right now.
But I've done stints in some fancy places, ain't I? -Yeah.
-Lamb and apple tatties.
That's one of mine, with a spicy fig sauce.
Saffron, roasties.
You don't want to get too fancy.
Simple food tells its own story providing it's sauced right.
Here.
Try that.
Don't dawdle, know your mind, Jimmy.
Are you taking the piss out of me with this chowder? On second thoughts, have you put the piss in the chowder? So.
You're mad about your food, Jimmy.
But have you got what it takes? No, I am dreadfully sorry, sir.
Yeah, but l-- Sir, shouting at the maitre d' doesn't alter the fact that there is a four-week waiting list for Sunday lunch.
Goodbye.
Some people.
-Wow, four weeks? -Eight weeks for a Saturday night.
We always keep a couple of tables on stand-by for those last minute celebs.
What you doing out here on your Ionesome? Two's company, a social worker's a crowd.
We're not being wound up, are we, Chris? He isn't a gold-digger, is he? Because we've had someone try it on before.
-No, Jimmy's for real.
-Well, he'd better be.
Or knowing Johnny, God help him.
Makes no odds how much you pay for your Chateaubriand the bins still stink.
Yeah, I suppose so.
I'm going to put a visible wine cellar out here, behind a glass partition.
Beautiful thing, a good cellar.
Sounds fantastic Mr.
Keyes.
Call me Johnny, at least.
So.
You want to open a gastro-pub.
Well, that's the plan.
I mean, that's a long way off.
So did Mom suffer much before she died? Your mom? No.
It was quick.
The cancer was all through her.
We were separated by then.
The family didn't let me go to the hospital.
Just the funeral.
Bastards.
I wasn't angry.
I didn't cry.
When you come from nowhere you learn pride.
No weakness, yeah? Look.
Tomorrow night.
In here.
A family party.
Come on, yes or no.
What's the matter? Yeah, all right, then.
Yeah, tomorrow.
I tell you now, if he could, he'd hand me the whole business on a plate today.
-I don't think so.
-What are you talking about? There's a connection but there's no bond.
You need to bond, Danny.
What? Why don't you give him a kiss? Oh, yes.
Eddie's aunt's attic.
Hasn't been cleaned since Everton won the FA Cup.
Killer cobwebs.
Sticky, with those little bits of grit.
It's very nice, yeah.
We need to beef Danny up.
Book a table at K's for tomorrow night.
Eight-week waiting list.
Problem? Nope.
Hey, guys.
Guys, you wouldn't be interested in having your picture snapped with Justin Timberlake, would you? Yeah, I got the nod he's eating at K's, and the pics always look better with a little bit of a crowd, you know? Go on.
Off you go.
Go on quickly.
We love Justin! Off you go.
Come on.
Just around the corner.
Go quickly.
Will you please leave right now! I don't want to have.
Listen to me, I don't want to call the police.
Now go! Excuse me.
When I book a table I ask for discretion to the max.
Why do you think Mr.
Timberlake is choosing to dine out of the West End? -I don't understand.
-Justin Timberlake, you moron.
He's not in the book.
I can check with Ms.
Keyes.
No, Justin doesn't do books.
He comes in under the wire.
Not under my wire, sir.
I'll tell you what we'll do, then.
Don't get the table ready.
Instead we'll wait in the foyer here with the adoring hordes so you can explain it all to Justin and his people when he arrives.
Just doesn't look good for a place like this, does it? Well, I can assure you, sir, this publicity leak had nothing to do with us.
The hard-core ones pick it up off the fan sites.
What can you do? I'll take the table and tell Justin's driver to delay for an hour.
Justin's a regular guy.
He'll understand.
Nothing by a window, no place settings facing west.
Lead on.
Who is he and why has he got a table for four on his own? All right.
Look after him.
But tell the kitchens to check his face against the wanted list.
-What's a ''wanted list''? -We have photos in the kitchen so the staff can spot the restaurant critics and the Michelin inspectors.
It helps the monkeys know who the hunters are.
So why waste your life frying burgers, Jimmy? Well, it's regular bunce, isn't it? You know.
We got a wedding to think about, haven't we.
Sod that.
What about your pride? Sparkling water with a twist of lime, and can you get this butter softened? It's like a slab of ice.
So where you gonna get the money for this gastro-pub? Well -once the banks know they can trust us-- -Banks? Crooks with pens in their pockets.
Trust me, I know.
Well, how else are we gonna get the capital? -You can't let them run you.
-Waiter.
The split-pea soup's watery and the Neuf-du-Pape at least two degrees above ambient temperature.
Do you have any idea.
Forget it, just bring my lamb casserole.
Don't tell me you've lost your nerve after yesterday.
So how'd you two meet? -We just got chatting in a bar.
-Surprised he had the nerve.
-Well, how'd you mean? -He's a cracking boy, but he's shy.
Some people ain't suited for the cut and thrust.
You! Here.
Now.
This lamb tastes like boiled dog.
Get rid of it.
Johnny Keyes.
There's a problem? My God, were you born with such perception or did you learn it from -some ancient Chinese master? -lf you're dissatisfied-- I'm a major player in the entertainment world and I know a lot of critics.
-Excuse me.
-One word from me and this place Wait.
No, Jimmy, don't.
will be on the receiving end of a review with three of my favorite words: ''nauseating,'' ''heinous,'' and ''putrid.
'' If you don't shut up, it's not the food that you're gonna be complaining about.
Call off the whelp.
Unless you want this dump black-listed by the likes of Beyonce.
Johnny Keyes built this place up from nothing.
People like you only have a talent for pissing on other people's hard work.
Well go on, mate.
Go and get your friend, go and write your review.
All right? And then wait to see the letter that lands on your doorstep which will have my three favorite words: ''libelous,'' ''unsubstantiated'' and ''court-case.
'' ''Court case'' is two words.
Yeah, well I used a bloody hyphen! I don't know who you are.
But you just made a big mistake.
No, he didn't.
Now make like one.
And I'll tell you who he is.
He's my son.
My long lost son.
Champagne for everyone! My son is home.
Yes.
Monkey to see me, old-timer.
You have cleaned me out.
Here.
It's real silver.
Come on, Jimmy.
Let's get a drink.
He wants us to stay the night.
So? Where am I gonna sleep? Who'd you think you are, Sister Wendy? You're gonna be sleeping with me, sweetie.
Fine.
So long as you remember there's a no-fly zone.
Laugh at his jokes.
Drink his drinks.
Just to keep being a chip off the old block for Keyes.
Okay? Come on, Chris, mate.
What's going on? Well, he's saying he thinks that we should go.
I just think it's too much, too soon.
How can it be too much? I've missed out on the last 32 years.
Stay.
First one to get the picture card gets the bed.
You all right? Yeah.
St.
Balthazar.
Patron saint of card players.
I should've lit a candle to him before I took on that cabbie again.
The bloke's on hot streak.
I told you, stay away or load the deck.
Yeah.
Tell me, is Danny making a good son? Yeah, perfect son.
Do you ever wish that you had kids, Ash? Well, it's the life we sign up for, isn't it? What about you? The way Mickey talks to Danny reminds me of the way I used to talk to Mickey.
Yeah, I know.
You know there's a horrible point in your life when you realize that you've got nothing to teach the younger ones except through your mistakes.
-But when I die-- -No, don't start.
No, when I die, I'm gonna die rich.
And I don't want any eulogies or tears.
I just want people to say, ''There lies Albert Stroller.
''He couldn't take it with him.
''But by thunder ''at least he has it all on him.
'' You can cheat anyone out of anything.
I think you'll cheat Death and live forever.
Don't be flippant.
I'll still be chasing the cons when I fall off my perch.
You're gambling too much.
-Don't do it to yourself, mate.
-Shut up and leave me alone.
Gil was your friend and you miss him, I know-- I said leave me alone! That's probably Keyes thinking about us doing it.
We shouldn't disappoint him then, should we? I mean I am supposed to be a chip off the old block.
Danny.
Yeah, I'm thinking that's a very good point.
-I gotta close the deal.
-No.
Yeah, I'm gonna close the deal.
Paula, do you think we should? Okay, then, you're insatiable, ain't you? I love it when you make those noises.
Night, then.
Good night.
I want to give you two some money.
Mr.
Bombastic has done it again.
Danny.
If I could speak to you right now across this table -what would I advise you to do? -Give it a break.
Can we stop playing Jedi master for two minutes? Okay, it's working just dandy andy pandy.
He's offering.
I should accept.
And what about her? You never wanted his charity, Danny.
No, because you have your pride.
You want to make it on your own.
And that's why you're going to turn his offer down.
-Just like we agreed, Danny.
-All right, then.
Now why don't you ask me what you're gagging to ask me? No, I don't have to.
I know you two were faking last night.
Why? It's a common mistake.
But no one has that good a time of it.
I made a judgment call, and I lost you.
It haunts me, Jimmy.
I can't make up for the last 32 years but I can help you now.
I want to invest in your future.
Darling, don't you think we should talk about this later? You know I want to make it on my own.
Yeah, Jimmy's right.
We want to carve a life on our own terms.
Our way.
What about this, then? I come over to your place and you cook me your pièce de résistance.
Cook for you? And if your foods good enough, then I'll invest.
-You'll come won't you, sweetheart? -I've got a pedicure.
And I'll be tough on you.
'Cause I know that's what you want.
Look at that face.
He loves the idea.
Tomorrow at 5:00.
Your place.
My place? Great, yeah, my place.
There's a lot of light.
But I expect you guys provide your own.
What's it called again? Zombie Towers.
Block of flats.
That's the gateway to Hell.
Now I don't think there's enough room to run a dolly in here.
Hell, I may just have to ride that bad boy on the crane.
Come up here through the window.
Boom.
Now Mr.
Eaves, we're wrestling a very tight budget.
One month's lease is still going to cost you two grand.
Let me crunch you some figures.
The net cost of the picture is 2.
2 mil.
U.
S.
studio will pick up North American rights for 3 mil.
A consortium will handle domestic and European and a third party's gonna take care of DVD and cable.
So we're looking to clear about 5 mil before box office.
So you would think that we have money to burn.
But, alas, no.
The entire budget of this baby is deferred against back-end profit.
It's still two grand.
Take it or leave it.
I like you.
You got cojones.
You should be producing pictures instead of this faggot.
How would you like to be in one? I thought you were kidding when you mentioned it earlier.
No.
You be here 11 a.
m.
, on the 14th, and you are in the movie, Mr.
Eaves.
We'll give you tickets to the premiere and all your pals can come along and see you up on the big screen as one of the undead.
But, in return you waive the rent until the movie is in profit.
It's called a ''satisfactory deferment.
'' As zombie roles go, it's great.
You get to eat Amanda Donohoe.
Thank you.
Cheese.
So you tie your filo parcels with the spinach strands.
And then you? Then you drop them in oil.
That's searing hot oil, Danny.
Searing hot oil.
-You know this means a lot to him.
-What? I mean a lot to him.
He thinks he's found his only son.
He's a bully and he loves himself.
He bounced back once, he'll do it again.
Hot oil.
Show me the pheasant.
Pheasant, come on.
-Danny, that should have infused.
-Infuse.
-Yeah, infuse the pheasant.
-Yeah, what's that say? -I got it, haven't I.
Already put infused.
-All right, fine.
Good.
All right.
Which sauce do I use? All of them.
-You don't think that's too much? -No, trust me.
It'll do the job perfectly.
Remember to infuse the pheasant.
Ash, we're getting tight for time.
How's it coming along? It'll be a lot quicker if you didn't keep phoning me.
All right? This is going to be close.
You going to the Wilson's party and all? No.
I'm visiting my son, Jimmy.
Jimmy and Paula? Top floor? -Streuth, you'd best get climbing.
-Third floor.
Jimmy Haworth? Those your directions? Oh yeah, it's not 301, it's 901.
That's their old address.
Don't I know you? Your voice, is familiar.
Well, I get that a lot.
People say I sound like Michael Caine.
-Do they? -Yeah.
I'm not waiting for this death trap, I'm taking the bloody stairs.
You used to live in 901 and then you moved to 301.
Numb-nut sent me to the top floor.
He's got it the wrong way round.
We used to live on the ninth but there was plumbing problems.
-How are you, Mr.
Keyes? -Hello.
Still feel you can't leave us on our own? No, got no life of me own, mate.
This is our way of saying thank you to Chris as well.
You shouldn't have done all this.
We wanted it to be perfect.
-Hi, I hope you brought an appetite.
-Where was this taken? That was Eastbourne.
Weren't it, love? Just after we got engaged.
You alright, Johnny? You're looking a little bit peaky.
Nothing a good supper won't cure.
What are we eating? Okay, now you got to bear in mind that I am working in the confines of a very small domestic kitchen.
Don't give me that.
Come on, Johnny, you know better than to go poking round another chef's kitchen.
Here, you sit down.
I'll get you a nice drink.
You need to get yourself a girlfriend.
He's never happier than when he's playing in that kitchen.
Hot oil.
Hot oil.
That's in case he gets a puncture.
All right for some.
What's that smell? It's, well, roasting some garlic.
Roasting or obliterating? Well done, babes.
All right, bon appétit.
Took my inspiration here from the Catalonian gypsy way of cooking the dish.
Which is to present the bird as over-basted.
That's what I like to call ''Peasant Pheasant.
'' It looks really good.
Shall I carve? Try the sauce.
What do you think's in it? Too much.
Right, anyone care for a brandy? No, I'm fine.
Well, I'd love one.
Why not? I don't suppose you could reach up to the top shelf could you, Johnny? This bottle's empty.
Well I'll just nip over to the offy then, shall I? Won't take me five minutes.
Lovely, sweetheart, would you go with her, Chris? Yeah, yes.
Is anything wrong? We'll clear the table for you.
There's a lot of me in you.
You got the dreams, and you got the patter, and you got the pride.
And you got the bullshit.
I should know.
I wanted to say this to you in private.
And I'll do you the honor of speaking plainly.
You ain't got it, son.
You're passionate about your food and you can rustle up a meal.
But you ain't got it.
If I had a proper kitchen.
You know, if I had the right gear.
A good chef can whip up a gourmet meal on a hot car bonnet.
You're slapdash about your ingredients.
You throw too many flavors at it.
Too many ingredients and not enough skill.
Now, I could throw a load of cash at you anyway.
But you wouldn't accept it because you got principles and pride.
And I respect that more than you'll ever know.
-Look, Johnny.
-Come with me.
Hang on.
Let's just give them a few more minutes.
Where did you get this Madeira? Where did you get it, Jimmy? You know the day I tracked them down those people that I thought were my parents they wouldn't even let me in the house.
That's when I found out that they'd dumped me.
They paid the kidnappers good money for me, only to realize that I was your boy.
That was it.
They didn't want me anymore.
I came back that night.
I was so angry.
So I just trashed the place.
Why did you take the bottle? Because of the lion.
Lions were my first memory.
Guess that's where I get all my pride from.
Samuel? It's a molded bottle.
Early 20th century.
You can see the seam.
Here on the back.
''B 1936 HMS.
'' It's a 1936 Boal vintage produced by H.
M.
Sortiz.
No revenue stamp.
I don't get it.
The stopper cork has no wax cover.
But that's not surprising the cork itself has been infested.
Maggots got right into it.
The wine itself is lying low shoulder.
It's undrinkable.
But then, you'd never dream of opening this Madeira.
Why not? This particular vintage was transferred to the Spanish mainland and bottled there.
Probably given the name of the ship that brought it.
Leon.
The Lion.
But it's the etching here, in the glass itself.
Now that's amazing.
''F.
F.
'' So? What you are holding is a Madeira that was presented to General Francisco Franco.
On the day he was made commander-in-chief of the Spanish Army in October, 1936.
''F.
F.
'' Those scum you thought were your parents bought this as an investment.
Now, it's your investment.
This bloke's not looking to make money, is he? He's looking to give it away.
So we spin him a sob story.
But will that be enough? Because giving Danny the money has to be his idea.
I mean, that should convince him more than any blood test.
So the son persuades him to invest in a restaurant.
That will mean that I got to learn to cook which does sound far too much like hard work.
We need him to pay up in cash.
So, is it worth a few quid? Oh, yeah.
I ain't felt this ruddy good in years.
You and Paula deserve a start in life and you deserve something from me.
To make up for not being there for you.
You don't want handouts.
Fine.
I'll buy this bottle of wine off you.
Call it 120? -120 quid? -120 grand.
It ain't charity, son.
It's what it's worth.
I might even make a slim profit at auction one day.
Yeah? So you can give me the money fair and square? It's business.
A hundred and twenty grand? I've seen that smile on your face once before.
When you first held my little finger.
It's not too late for me to be a dad to you, is it? You and me, boy.
You and me.
We're kings.
Kings of the ruddy jungle.
Yeah.
Come on! Johnny? What's wrong? It has to fool a trained eye.
Find a way of rotting the cork.
Get maggots into it.
Rancid meat should do it.
Age the bottle.
An expert will know if it doesn't feel right.
Every detail has to be perfect.
-Get it.
-No.
Leave it.
-Save it.
-No.
Leave it.
I don't want to die.
You're not gonna die.
I'm just gonna call an ambulance.
I've done.
I've been.
So many lies.
I've told so many lies.
Look, you did what you had to do, didn't you? You don't understand.
I had the money.
What? I had the ransom to pay the kidnappers.
But I kept it.
I called their bluff.
It was my money to get started.
I took a risk and I lost you.
'Cause I wanted the business.
Forgive me, son.
I'm a liar and a cheat.
Forgive me.
I forgive you Dad.
It was a work of art, Ash.
You all right, Danny? I know he was a bully and a liar but I lied to him, too, didn't I? The last thing he heard before he died was a lie.
We don't just lie to people, Danny.
We tell them what they want to hear.
And for a moment they're truly happy.
So, can we see it, please? Absolutely.
He rescued it, you know.
With his last ounce of strength.
He was a strong man.
Weak in other ways.
One hundred and twenty grand.
I'm doing this because it's what Johnny wanted.
-Thanks for everything you've done.
-Now this is what I want.
I want you to leave.
Live your happy little lives and don't bother me again.
I've got a business to sell off.
So why did you bother making a back-up? As a back-up.
I'm sorry, Mickey.
I know I haven't been easy.
You lost a friend, Albert.
It's okay to grieve but don't shut us out.
You know, Keyes died well, didn't he? Thinking that his son had forgiven him.
Maybe old Gil died well, too.
Doing what he loved.
I don't know, maybe I worry too much.
There is no destination in life.
The journey is everything.
What? It's just, the things you come out with sometimes, Albert.
You're still an inspiration, you know that? Father figure? I was thinking more grandfather figure.
Okay, what about guru? Now guru, I like.
And there's nothing to be scared of.
We're all in this together.
To the end.
You okay, mate? I didn't see you.
Yeah, just need a hand.
For the poor? Yes.
Of course.
My son, you cannot buy your way into the Kingdom of Heaven.
Just playing the percentages, sweetheart.
We'll soon see who's laughing when Amanda Donohoe gets here.
'" A serpent visited the Woman and offered her an apple from the tree.
He told her the apple would give her knowledge.
He was very persuasive and Mankind has been paying the price ever since.
All because we were tempted by something we didn't need.
The serpent was the first grifter.
Yo, Terry, what's going on? It's Chazz again.
'Ere what, yeah.
I need those flaming boxes delivered this afternoon, drey.
You can do that for me, just put them all in the van, yeah? Yeah, that'll be great.
Yeah, Terry, gotta put you on hold, it's my mom on the other line.
Probably her hip again.
One sec.
Mr.
Hyotona, konnichiwa.
Yes, the artifact is with me now.
Of course you can see it but time is of the essence.
I'm expecting a consignment of Italian lithographs all arriving this afternoon in identical boxes, unmarked of course.
Mr.
Emmerick's phone.
Mr.
Jensen, I'll put you right through.
Yes, Mr.
Hyotona, I'll have to place you on hold.
It's my Madrid dealer.
Mr.
Jensen.
I'm afraid there's another interested party.
Well, an original, illuminated, of the Pentateuchal books of the Bible is bound to generate a lot of buzz.
You've seen the Photostats? Some of these pictures put even the Book of Kells to shame.
What's that? You haven't seen them? My associate, Professor Jackson, isn't with you? Ash, where is Professor sodding Jackson? Albert hasn't shown.
I can't raise him.
I'm sure there's a very good reason why he's not with you.
Albert's not turned up.
One moment please, Mr.
Jensen, my PA has just walked in.
What do you mean he's not turned up? He ain't there, okay? He's a no-show, Mickey.
The street is an Albert-free zone.
For the poor? Are you troubled, my son? I think I saw the future today.
God sometimes gives us glimpses of the path we are traveling.
I always thought I knew just where I was headed.
Truth is, Sister now I'm not so sure.
Do not despair.
There is always hope.
I don't mean to split hairs, Sister, but I don't believe in hope exactly.
I prefer to call it chance.
And a chance has to be grabbed.
What's your problem, my son? I'm not a churchgoer, Father.
The wife's a big fan, though.
She told me to light a candle to Saint Marie of the Incarnation.
I'll bend the knee to any statue you like.
But you have got to help me.
Albie.
We were worried.
What are you, my nurse? I'm fine.
Look, there's bad news and there's good news.
When you didn't show, the marks lost their bottle.
So you've had the bad, then.
-Where the hell were you? -We were worried.
Albie, if you want to go off-piste, at least let the rest of us know.
This one has always been a no-no.
I've had a bad feeling from the off.
Okay, so what's the good news? Johnny Keyes.
Keyes.
Oh, yeah.
I know him.
Proper hard man.
Proper East End, he is.
I thought he was a chef.
'"The Kitchen King.
'" Yeah, my missus had that book.
So you saw a fancy chef in a church.
Whoopee diddley doo! No.
I saw a powerful, arrogant thug.
With cash in his pockets and desperation in his eyes.
What's he got to be desperate about? He grew up on the streets, robbing houses, talking with his fists.
Yeah, not to mention turning over a couple of banks.
And he did time for that.
A lot of time.
Some say they should have thrown away the key.
This man was evil personified.
Inside I was just like the rest of them.
A nobody.
I did kitchen detail just to pass the time at first.
But then it got into my blood.
And I was devouring books.
Hungry to learn.
Cooking for the big men.
So he gets out of prison and buys a restaurant with a bag of gold bullion.
-And now of course, he runs K's.
-K's.
Who do you have to kill to get a table in there these days? He said it's in case I get a puncture.
So why is he desperate? What most people have forgotten is the story of James.
His son.
In 1974, his one-year-old son was kidnapped.
Never to be heard or seen again.
I had a lot of enemies in those days.
But I'll never know which bastard took him.
I couldn't pay what they wanted.
I didn't have the ransom, all right? I've got to find him.
Before it's too late.
Keyes is sick.
A bum ticker.
He wants to find his heir before they stick him in the ground.
James would be 32 now.
So you're talking birthrights inheritance, that's your angle, is it? Sorry, but stinging some guy who's still grieving over his long lost son? Don't shed one tear for him, my dear.
The guy's a nasty piece of work.
I got a feeling in my bones that he's close.
I got money for him.
Plenty to help him make something of himself, the way I did.
If I could give him the money least then I'd feel I'd done something for him.
Now what? I think we should reunite him with his long lost son.
Albert.
What the hell were you doing in a church today? Gil Stewart died this afternoon.
I was there at the end.
Oh, God.
I'm so sorry, Albert.
You two were like brothers.
We worked Vegas together.
That man was made for bright lights.
Poor bastard.
Died of a stroke in a dental surgery.
Well, someone should sue them.
He was pretending to be the dentist.
Before he died he gave me this.
His wedding ring.
All those years of hard grift and he dies holding a bottle of plaque remover.
When I die, Mickey I want my pockets to be filled with cash.
Let's take Keyes' money, Michael.
So.
How do you feel about playing the prodigal son then? Well? Stacie, find out as much as possible about Keyes'past.
The details will help convince him that Danny is his son.
These old articles talk about a vicious armed robber into everything from extortion to protection rackets.
But once Keyes gets out of jail, he reinvents himself.
Suddenly he's about as dangerous as Delia Smith.
Well, I reckon she's got a dark side.
Salmon nibble? One theory is that he swindled some of his old compadres out of money.
The kidnap was revenge.
Okay.
So how do we usually get a mark? We appeal to their greed.
This bloke's not looking to make money, is he? He's looking to give it away.
So we spin him a sob story.
Will that be enough? You see giving Danny the money has to be his idea.
What you got in there? Got luncheon meat.
Obviously.
-That's on the turn.
-Yeah, that's how I like it.
Who's Albert with? -His new best friends.
-Oh, yeah.
Yeah, bunch of cab drivers he met this morning.
Three jacks.
-Happens to the best of them.
-Yeah.
It does.
Four kings.
You lose, old-timer.
-Go again? -Soon.
I hope.
So, he's had a few, then? Yeah.
He's been here a while.
A rose in a bed of thorns.
We keep away from blokes on a hot streak unless we got another deck up our sleeve.
Albert? Look, mate, gambling's not going to bring Gil back.
Have you called Keyes yet? No, I don't wish to make a reservation.
I wish to speak to Mr.
Keyes.
Yeah, Father O'Brien.
Of course there's nothing like a wine tasting en primeur.
I've just come back from a chateau in Burgundy.
Top stuff.
No.
Of course, it's all bloody show.
Still.
I'm a sucker for the grape.
Who'd you say you were again? Chris.
I run Family Ties.
We help reunite estranged families.
I don't know anything about wine.
Only about 200 people in this country do.
Sammy here accounts for about three of them.
So the priest sent you, then? He called us about three years ago.
Trying to locate his real family.
I'm talking about James.
Your son.
I know this is difficult, but please believe me when I say-- There's no way.
The priest makes one call and finds my son just like that? All right.
Call us when you're ready.
Hello, is that Jobseekers? Yes, I'm wondering if you could help me.
I'm looking for some enthusiastic candidates with a very good telephone manner.
James has been in and out of foster homes since he was three.
He was illegally sold to a childless couple who had a change of heart and abandoned him.
He should have been identified as your son, but unfortunately he wasn't.
I don't buy that you've found him.
He found you, Mr.
Keyes.
Quite some time ago.
He didn't know if you'd want to see him.
But when Father O'Brien called us that's when James knew.
I'll be in touch.
I hope this brief role-play has given you some idea of the environment you'd be expected to work in.
Mr.
Starkey will hand out questionnaires.
Please hand them back as you leave.
And we'll be in touch with the lucky two we've chosen in due course.
Thank you for your time.
What is that? Don't look in the cupboard.
Is it gonna jump out? -Jesus! -I warned you.
What do you think the air freshener's are for? Albie.
Nobody's going to the funeral.
But, Gil would have loved this.
He's being buried under the name of Benedict Doonan.
Died a dentist.
Buried a dentist.
So he doesn't get his own name on his headstone? -Bummer.
-What does it matter? Who's gonna be there to cry for him? What's eating Gilbert Grape? Well, he won't admit it, but it's grief.
Hello, Chris speaking.
Yeah, no that's no trouble at all.
We can get that arranged.
Yeah.
Okay, cheers.
That was Keyes' lawyer.
They want a blood test.
Organ courier.
Theater.
Which floor? Your contact is? Contact sheet's back in my panniers.
I wasn't told of a transplant.
Yeah, well sorry, love, but seeing as you're not doing the operation maybe they didn't make you a priority.
Which floor? -I'm afraid I can't let you through until-- -Right.
Okay.
There's a fella upstairs the same color as a canary and he's waiting for one of these.
On a slab.
On a drip.
Cut open.
With a little machine doing the job of his liver for him.
You want to ask him if he minds hanging on a bit while I go and get my clipboard? Thank you.
Staff.
Excellent.
I'll need someone available to take a blood sample for me in about half an hour.
Get me three chairs and an internal phone and coffee, three sugars if you can.
The doctor is in.
Dr.
Reef.
Yes, he phoned to let us know.
-First floor and follow the signs.
-Cheers.
This is all rather unorthodox.
Protocol is to send these results in the post.
But since you insist on knowing now.
Let's have it.
We compared the DNA from your sample to that of James Haworth.
The relative chance of paternity is 99.
99%.
So James.
It is as beyond doubt as it can be.
He is your son, Mr.
Keyes.
I want a second opinion.
I'm sorry? I want it reconfirmed.
Now.
-Well, you can see the results.
-It's the way I do things.
You get another doctor in.
Now.
Well, I'm not sure I can just pull a colleague off the corridor.
If it'll put Mr.
Keyes' mind at rest, Doctor.
Very well.
Do you want a cup of something? He's been ages.
He's made a cock-up.
I knew this wasn't right.
Yeah, think I agree.
What, we're going? Well, it's not doing you any good pacing up and down here.
Besides, they can always send the second opinion in the post.
-Do you really think we should go? -It's your call.
You're in the driving seat.
I'm here to unite people not alienate them.
Five more minutes.
Okay.
This is Dr.
Mansfield.
Dr.
Mansfield, I will show you these two DNA results.
Your assessment, please.
-They're related? -Yes.
I need a drink.
You did very well.
-So am I a doctor now? -Definitely.
Do I get to do operations? I'd like to operate on a heart, or an eye, or a lung.
Steady, these pre-meds can really give you the wobbles.
Or a brain.
Yeah, let's get you back to bed.
God, the things I do for you guys.
-You look cute.
-Yeah, you look fantastic.
Juliette Keyes.
She's on to her third husband.
She'll want to know what you're after financially.
Yeah, but the blood test confirms it, doesn't it? I'm his son.
But still, I'll be there to stage-manage.
-Okay, you look great, let's go eat.
-Just looking.
Thank you.
It's okay, come on.
Right.
This is James.
Jimmy.
Everyone calls me Jimmy.
And this is Jimmy's missus-to-be, Paula.
This is an amazing place.
Isn't it amazing, Jimmy? Yeah.
It's amazing.
I'm Juliette.
Handsome devil isn't he, Johnny.
So you found us all right, then? Yeah.
Well, it took a few years.
The important thing at this very early stage is not to worry about any doubts or fears or anything.
Just, you know, be patient.
It's an amazing place, this.
You got to keep ahead in the restaurant game.
Customers will eat the food, but when it comes to other chefs, it's dog eat dog.
Cost us everything, this place.
It's amazing.
Keep the menus brief, that's the trick.
People want to be told what to eat.
So what are you cooking, Jimmy? Well, I'm just at Burger Chef right now.
But I've done stints in some fancy places, ain't I? -Yeah.
-Lamb and apple tatties.
That's one of mine, with a spicy fig sauce.
Saffron, roasties.
You don't want to get too fancy.
Simple food tells its own story providing it's sauced right.
Here.
Try that.
Don't dawdle, know your mind, Jimmy.
Are you taking the piss out of me with this chowder? On second thoughts, have you put the piss in the chowder? So.
You're mad about your food, Jimmy.
But have you got what it takes? No, I am dreadfully sorry, sir.
Yeah, but l-- Sir, shouting at the maitre d' doesn't alter the fact that there is a four-week waiting list for Sunday lunch.
Goodbye.
Some people.
-Wow, four weeks? -Eight weeks for a Saturday night.
We always keep a couple of tables on stand-by for those last minute celebs.
What you doing out here on your Ionesome? Two's company, a social worker's a crowd.
We're not being wound up, are we, Chris? He isn't a gold-digger, is he? Because we've had someone try it on before.
-No, Jimmy's for real.
-Well, he'd better be.
Or knowing Johnny, God help him.
Makes no odds how much you pay for your Chateaubriand the bins still stink.
Yeah, I suppose so.
I'm going to put a visible wine cellar out here, behind a glass partition.
Beautiful thing, a good cellar.
Sounds fantastic Mr.
Keyes.
Call me Johnny, at least.
So.
You want to open a gastro-pub.
Well, that's the plan.
I mean, that's a long way off.
So did Mom suffer much before she died? Your mom? No.
It was quick.
The cancer was all through her.
We were separated by then.
The family didn't let me go to the hospital.
Just the funeral.
Bastards.
I wasn't angry.
I didn't cry.
When you come from nowhere you learn pride.
No weakness, yeah? Look.
Tomorrow night.
In here.
A family party.
Come on, yes or no.
What's the matter? Yeah, all right, then.
Yeah, tomorrow.
I tell you now, if he could, he'd hand me the whole business on a plate today.
-I don't think so.
-What are you talking about? There's a connection but there's no bond.
You need to bond, Danny.
What? Why don't you give him a kiss? Oh, yes.
Eddie's aunt's attic.
Hasn't been cleaned since Everton won the FA Cup.
Killer cobwebs.
Sticky, with those little bits of grit.
It's very nice, yeah.
We need to beef Danny up.
Book a table at K's for tomorrow night.
Eight-week waiting list.
Problem? Nope.
Hey, guys.
Guys, you wouldn't be interested in having your picture snapped with Justin Timberlake, would you? Yeah, I got the nod he's eating at K's, and the pics always look better with a little bit of a crowd, you know? Go on.
Off you go.
Go on quickly.
We love Justin! Off you go.
Come on.
Just around the corner.
Go quickly.
Will you please leave right now! I don't want to have.
Listen to me, I don't want to call the police.
Now go! Excuse me.
When I book a table I ask for discretion to the max.
Why do you think Mr.
Timberlake is choosing to dine out of the West End? -I don't understand.
-Justin Timberlake, you moron.
He's not in the book.
I can check with Ms.
Keyes.
No, Justin doesn't do books.
He comes in under the wire.
Not under my wire, sir.
I'll tell you what we'll do, then.
Don't get the table ready.
Instead we'll wait in the foyer here with the adoring hordes so you can explain it all to Justin and his people when he arrives.
Just doesn't look good for a place like this, does it? Well, I can assure you, sir, this publicity leak had nothing to do with us.
The hard-core ones pick it up off the fan sites.
What can you do? I'll take the table and tell Justin's driver to delay for an hour.
Justin's a regular guy.
He'll understand.
Nothing by a window, no place settings facing west.
Lead on.
Who is he and why has he got a table for four on his own? All right.
Look after him.
But tell the kitchens to check his face against the wanted list.
-What's a ''wanted list''? -We have photos in the kitchen so the staff can spot the restaurant critics and the Michelin inspectors.
It helps the monkeys know who the hunters are.
So why waste your life frying burgers, Jimmy? Well, it's regular bunce, isn't it? You know.
We got a wedding to think about, haven't we.
Sod that.
What about your pride? Sparkling water with a twist of lime, and can you get this butter softened? It's like a slab of ice.
So where you gonna get the money for this gastro-pub? Well -once the banks know they can trust us-- -Banks? Crooks with pens in their pockets.
Trust me, I know.
Well, how else are we gonna get the capital? -You can't let them run you.
-Waiter.
The split-pea soup's watery and the Neuf-du-Pape at least two degrees above ambient temperature.
Do you have any idea.
Forget it, just bring my lamb casserole.
Don't tell me you've lost your nerve after yesterday.
So how'd you two meet? -We just got chatting in a bar.
-Surprised he had the nerve.
-Well, how'd you mean? -He's a cracking boy, but he's shy.
Some people ain't suited for the cut and thrust.
You! Here.
Now.
This lamb tastes like boiled dog.
Get rid of it.
Johnny Keyes.
There's a problem? My God, were you born with such perception or did you learn it from -some ancient Chinese master? -lf you're dissatisfied-- I'm a major player in the entertainment world and I know a lot of critics.
-Excuse me.
-One word from me and this place Wait.
No, Jimmy, don't.
will be on the receiving end of a review with three of my favorite words: ''nauseating,'' ''heinous,'' and ''putrid.
'' If you don't shut up, it's not the food that you're gonna be complaining about.
Call off the whelp.
Unless you want this dump black-listed by the likes of Beyonce.
Johnny Keyes built this place up from nothing.
People like you only have a talent for pissing on other people's hard work.
Well go on, mate.
Go and get your friend, go and write your review.
All right? And then wait to see the letter that lands on your doorstep which will have my three favorite words: ''libelous,'' ''unsubstantiated'' and ''court-case.
'' ''Court case'' is two words.
Yeah, well I used a bloody hyphen! I don't know who you are.
But you just made a big mistake.
No, he didn't.
Now make like one.
And I'll tell you who he is.
He's my son.
My long lost son.
Champagne for everyone! My son is home.
Yes.
Monkey to see me, old-timer.
You have cleaned me out.
Here.
It's real silver.
Come on, Jimmy.
Let's get a drink.
He wants us to stay the night.
So? Where am I gonna sleep? Who'd you think you are, Sister Wendy? You're gonna be sleeping with me, sweetie.
Fine.
So long as you remember there's a no-fly zone.
Laugh at his jokes.
Drink his drinks.
Just to keep being a chip off the old block for Keyes.
Okay? Come on, Chris, mate.
What's going on? Well, he's saying he thinks that we should go.
I just think it's too much, too soon.
How can it be too much? I've missed out on the last 32 years.
Stay.
First one to get the picture card gets the bed.
You all right? Yeah.
St.
Balthazar.
Patron saint of card players.
I should've lit a candle to him before I took on that cabbie again.
The bloke's on hot streak.
I told you, stay away or load the deck.
Yeah.
Tell me, is Danny making a good son? Yeah, perfect son.
Do you ever wish that you had kids, Ash? Well, it's the life we sign up for, isn't it? What about you? The way Mickey talks to Danny reminds me of the way I used to talk to Mickey.
Yeah, I know.
You know there's a horrible point in your life when you realize that you've got nothing to teach the younger ones except through your mistakes.
-But when I die-- -No, don't start.
No, when I die, I'm gonna die rich.
And I don't want any eulogies or tears.
I just want people to say, ''There lies Albert Stroller.
''He couldn't take it with him.
''But by thunder ''at least he has it all on him.
'' You can cheat anyone out of anything.
I think you'll cheat Death and live forever.
Don't be flippant.
I'll still be chasing the cons when I fall off my perch.
You're gambling too much.
-Don't do it to yourself, mate.
-Shut up and leave me alone.
Gil was your friend and you miss him, I know-- I said leave me alone! That's probably Keyes thinking about us doing it.
We shouldn't disappoint him then, should we? I mean I am supposed to be a chip off the old block.
Danny.
Yeah, I'm thinking that's a very good point.
-I gotta close the deal.
-No.
Yeah, I'm gonna close the deal.
Paula, do you think we should? Okay, then, you're insatiable, ain't you? I love it when you make those noises.
Night, then.
Good night.
I want to give you two some money.
Mr.
Bombastic has done it again.
Danny.
If I could speak to you right now across this table -what would I advise you to do? -Give it a break.
Can we stop playing Jedi master for two minutes? Okay, it's working just dandy andy pandy.
He's offering.
I should accept.
And what about her? You never wanted his charity, Danny.
No, because you have your pride.
You want to make it on your own.
And that's why you're going to turn his offer down.
-Just like we agreed, Danny.
-All right, then.
Now why don't you ask me what you're gagging to ask me? No, I don't have to.
I know you two were faking last night.
Why? It's a common mistake.
But no one has that good a time of it.
I made a judgment call, and I lost you.
It haunts me, Jimmy.
I can't make up for the last 32 years but I can help you now.
I want to invest in your future.
Darling, don't you think we should talk about this later? You know I want to make it on my own.
Yeah, Jimmy's right.
We want to carve a life on our own terms.
Our way.
What about this, then? I come over to your place and you cook me your pièce de résistance.
Cook for you? And if your foods good enough, then I'll invest.
-You'll come won't you, sweetheart? -I've got a pedicure.
And I'll be tough on you.
'Cause I know that's what you want.
Look at that face.
He loves the idea.
Tomorrow at 5:00.
Your place.
My place? Great, yeah, my place.
There's a lot of light.
But I expect you guys provide your own.
What's it called again? Zombie Towers.
Block of flats.
That's the gateway to Hell.
Now I don't think there's enough room to run a dolly in here.
Hell, I may just have to ride that bad boy on the crane.
Come up here through the window.
Boom.
Now Mr.
Eaves, we're wrestling a very tight budget.
One month's lease is still going to cost you two grand.
Let me crunch you some figures.
The net cost of the picture is 2.
2 mil.
U.
S.
studio will pick up North American rights for 3 mil.
A consortium will handle domestic and European and a third party's gonna take care of DVD and cable.
So we're looking to clear about 5 mil before box office.
So you would think that we have money to burn.
But, alas, no.
The entire budget of this baby is deferred against back-end profit.
It's still two grand.
Take it or leave it.
I like you.
You got cojones.
You should be producing pictures instead of this faggot.
How would you like to be in one? I thought you were kidding when you mentioned it earlier.
No.
You be here 11 a.
m.
, on the 14th, and you are in the movie, Mr.
Eaves.
We'll give you tickets to the premiere and all your pals can come along and see you up on the big screen as one of the undead.
But, in return you waive the rent until the movie is in profit.
It's called a ''satisfactory deferment.
'' As zombie roles go, it's great.
You get to eat Amanda Donohoe.
Thank you.
Cheese.
So you tie your filo parcels with the spinach strands.
And then you? Then you drop them in oil.
That's searing hot oil, Danny.
Searing hot oil.
-You know this means a lot to him.
-What? I mean a lot to him.
He thinks he's found his only son.
He's a bully and he loves himself.
He bounced back once, he'll do it again.
Hot oil.
Show me the pheasant.
Pheasant, come on.
-Danny, that should have infused.
-Infuse.
-Yeah, infuse the pheasant.
-Yeah, what's that say? -I got it, haven't I.
Already put infused.
-All right, fine.
Good.
All right.
Which sauce do I use? All of them.
-You don't think that's too much? -No, trust me.
It'll do the job perfectly.
Remember to infuse the pheasant.
Ash, we're getting tight for time.
How's it coming along? It'll be a lot quicker if you didn't keep phoning me.
All right? This is going to be close.
You going to the Wilson's party and all? No.
I'm visiting my son, Jimmy.
Jimmy and Paula? Top floor? -Streuth, you'd best get climbing.
-Third floor.
Jimmy Haworth? Those your directions? Oh yeah, it's not 301, it's 901.
That's their old address.
Don't I know you? Your voice, is familiar.
Well, I get that a lot.
People say I sound like Michael Caine.
-Do they? -Yeah.
I'm not waiting for this death trap, I'm taking the bloody stairs.
You used to live in 901 and then you moved to 301.
Numb-nut sent me to the top floor.
He's got it the wrong way round.
We used to live on the ninth but there was plumbing problems.
-How are you, Mr.
Keyes? -Hello.
Still feel you can't leave us on our own? No, got no life of me own, mate.
This is our way of saying thank you to Chris as well.
You shouldn't have done all this.
We wanted it to be perfect.
-Hi, I hope you brought an appetite.
-Where was this taken? That was Eastbourne.
Weren't it, love? Just after we got engaged.
You alright, Johnny? You're looking a little bit peaky.
Nothing a good supper won't cure.
What are we eating? Okay, now you got to bear in mind that I am working in the confines of a very small domestic kitchen.
Don't give me that.
Come on, Johnny, you know better than to go poking round another chef's kitchen.
Here, you sit down.
I'll get you a nice drink.
You need to get yourself a girlfriend.
He's never happier than when he's playing in that kitchen.
Hot oil.
Hot oil.
That's in case he gets a puncture.
All right for some.
What's that smell? It's, well, roasting some garlic.
Roasting or obliterating? Well done, babes.
All right, bon appétit.
Took my inspiration here from the Catalonian gypsy way of cooking the dish.
Which is to present the bird as over-basted.
That's what I like to call ''Peasant Pheasant.
'' It looks really good.
Shall I carve? Try the sauce.
What do you think's in it? Too much.
Right, anyone care for a brandy? No, I'm fine.
Well, I'd love one.
Why not? I don't suppose you could reach up to the top shelf could you, Johnny? This bottle's empty.
Well I'll just nip over to the offy then, shall I? Won't take me five minutes.
Lovely, sweetheart, would you go with her, Chris? Yeah, yes.
Is anything wrong? We'll clear the table for you.
There's a lot of me in you.
You got the dreams, and you got the patter, and you got the pride.
And you got the bullshit.
I should know.
I wanted to say this to you in private.
And I'll do you the honor of speaking plainly.
You ain't got it, son.
You're passionate about your food and you can rustle up a meal.
But you ain't got it.
If I had a proper kitchen.
You know, if I had the right gear.
A good chef can whip up a gourmet meal on a hot car bonnet.
You're slapdash about your ingredients.
You throw too many flavors at it.
Too many ingredients and not enough skill.
Now, I could throw a load of cash at you anyway.
But you wouldn't accept it because you got principles and pride.
And I respect that more than you'll ever know.
-Look, Johnny.
-Come with me.
Hang on.
Let's just give them a few more minutes.
Where did you get this Madeira? Where did you get it, Jimmy? You know the day I tracked them down those people that I thought were my parents they wouldn't even let me in the house.
That's when I found out that they'd dumped me.
They paid the kidnappers good money for me, only to realize that I was your boy.
That was it.
They didn't want me anymore.
I came back that night.
I was so angry.
So I just trashed the place.
Why did you take the bottle? Because of the lion.
Lions were my first memory.
Guess that's where I get all my pride from.
Samuel? It's a molded bottle.
Early 20th century.
You can see the seam.
Here on the back.
''B 1936 HMS.
'' It's a 1936 Boal vintage produced by H.
M.
Sortiz.
No revenue stamp.
I don't get it.
The stopper cork has no wax cover.
But that's not surprising the cork itself has been infested.
Maggots got right into it.
The wine itself is lying low shoulder.
It's undrinkable.
But then, you'd never dream of opening this Madeira.
Why not? This particular vintage was transferred to the Spanish mainland and bottled there.
Probably given the name of the ship that brought it.
Leon.
The Lion.
But it's the etching here, in the glass itself.
Now that's amazing.
''F.
F.
'' So? What you are holding is a Madeira that was presented to General Francisco Franco.
On the day he was made commander-in-chief of the Spanish Army in October, 1936.
''F.
F.
'' Those scum you thought were your parents bought this as an investment.
Now, it's your investment.
This bloke's not looking to make money, is he? He's looking to give it away.
So we spin him a sob story.
But will that be enough? Because giving Danny the money has to be his idea.
I mean, that should convince him more than any blood test.
So the son persuades him to invest in a restaurant.
That will mean that I got to learn to cook which does sound far too much like hard work.
We need him to pay up in cash.
So, is it worth a few quid? Oh, yeah.
I ain't felt this ruddy good in years.
You and Paula deserve a start in life and you deserve something from me.
To make up for not being there for you.
You don't want handouts.
Fine.
I'll buy this bottle of wine off you.
Call it 120? -120 quid? -120 grand.
It ain't charity, son.
It's what it's worth.
I might even make a slim profit at auction one day.
Yeah? So you can give me the money fair and square? It's business.
A hundred and twenty grand? I've seen that smile on your face once before.
When you first held my little finger.
It's not too late for me to be a dad to you, is it? You and me, boy.
You and me.
We're kings.
Kings of the ruddy jungle.
Yeah.
Come on! Johnny? What's wrong? It has to fool a trained eye.
Find a way of rotting the cork.
Get maggots into it.
Rancid meat should do it.
Age the bottle.
An expert will know if it doesn't feel right.
Every detail has to be perfect.
-Get it.
-No.
Leave it.
-Save it.
-No.
Leave it.
I don't want to die.
You're not gonna die.
I'm just gonna call an ambulance.
I've done.
I've been.
So many lies.
I've told so many lies.
Look, you did what you had to do, didn't you? You don't understand.
I had the money.
What? I had the ransom to pay the kidnappers.
But I kept it.
I called their bluff.
It was my money to get started.
I took a risk and I lost you.
'Cause I wanted the business.
Forgive me, son.
I'm a liar and a cheat.
Forgive me.
I forgive you Dad.
It was a work of art, Ash.
You all right, Danny? I know he was a bully and a liar but I lied to him, too, didn't I? The last thing he heard before he died was a lie.
We don't just lie to people, Danny.
We tell them what they want to hear.
And for a moment they're truly happy.
So, can we see it, please? Absolutely.
He rescued it, you know.
With his last ounce of strength.
He was a strong man.
Weak in other ways.
One hundred and twenty grand.
I'm doing this because it's what Johnny wanted.
-Thanks for everything you've done.
-Now this is what I want.
I want you to leave.
Live your happy little lives and don't bother me again.
I've got a business to sell off.
So why did you bother making a back-up? As a back-up.
I'm sorry, Mickey.
I know I haven't been easy.
You lost a friend, Albert.
It's okay to grieve but don't shut us out.
You know, Keyes died well, didn't he? Thinking that his son had forgiven him.
Maybe old Gil died well, too.
Doing what he loved.
I don't know, maybe I worry too much.
There is no destination in life.
The journey is everything.
What? It's just, the things you come out with sometimes, Albert.
You're still an inspiration, you know that? Father figure? I was thinking more grandfather figure.
Okay, what about guru? Now guru, I like.
And there's nothing to be scared of.
We're all in this together.
To the end.
You okay, mate? I didn't see you.
Yeah, just need a hand.
For the poor? Yes.
Of course.
My son, you cannot buy your way into the Kingdom of Heaven.
Just playing the percentages, sweetheart.
We'll soon see who's laughing when Amanda Donohoe gets here.