I Didn't Do It (2014) s02e02 Episode Script

Okay, "chew you up," everybody.
Ready and Chew you up and spit you out.
That's what Muskrats are all about.
It doesn't really make sense, the chewing up and spitting out.
How would they get their nourishment? They'd die.
That's true, but chew you up and digest you isn't very catchy.
Hey, dude, you're missing the game.
Yeah, that's the point of the tablet and the headphones.
Swat the mosquitoes left and right.
Let's go, Muskrats, fight, fight, fight.
What is a muskrat anyway? You couldn't find anything better to name your team after than a rat? A muskrat is not a rat.
It's a Hey, what's a muskrat? It's a semi-aquatic rodent.
And definitely not a member of the genus rattus.
A semi-aquatic rodent and definitely not a member of the whatever she said.
So it's a rat that swims.
I stand corrected.
You should talk, mosquito.
You're just a disease-carrying insect.
By the way, nice stinger.
You look like you were in a knitting accident.
We've got spirit, yes, we do.
We've got spirit, how about you? - We've got more.
- We've got more.
- We've got more! - We've got more! We've got more, we've got more! Linds.
- Calm down.
- I'm sorry.
I've just got so much school spirit.
And that's the end of the first half.
Hi.
Hi.
We've got more.
Yes, you do.
Is it me, or does the sun shine a little brighter, birds sing a little sweeter, whenever we pound the living daylights out of Mikita High? Amen, sister.
And what better way to celebrate this glorious victory than with hummus.
Yes.
Mashed chickpeas, the traditional victory snack.
Since when? Since that's all we have.
I wonder what those mosquitoes are eating.
Probably baba ghanoush.
Losers.
Well, I'm happy.
- Now I won't have to build that bookcase.
- What does that mean? Oh, Coach Beecroft is also my wood shop teacher.
I have a project due in a couple of days.
Let me guess.
You haven't even started.
We are so on the same wavelength.
Man, I hope not.
Whenever we get a big win, Coach is in such a good mood, he totally lets me slide.
You have an interesting way of getting through high school.
Thanks.
You know what the best part about that game was? Rubbing their noses in it.
Especially that obnoxious mosquito guy.
- He was the worst.
- Yeah, what a jerk.
I feel sorry for his girlfriend.
Although a guy like that probably doesn't have a girlfriend, right? Anybody.
Wanna weigh in on the girlfriend or not? Not.
Can you imagine anyone wanting to kiss that? Be hard with that huge nose.
It's removable, ya know.
There is no way that guy has a girlfriend.
I bet he hasn't even had his first kiss.
You mean like you? I've had my first kiss.
Remember, Deels? Can't say I do, Gare Bear.
Come on, we were seven, we were playing freeze tag, and suddenly, you just kissed me.
Um, the way I remember it, my glasses fell off, and we ran into each other.
Our lips touched, and I saw stars.
That's because our heads conked.
You haven't been kissed, dude.
So Delia and I are the only ones who haven't been kissed? Nope.
Just you.
Rick Fugler, summer camp.
Swam all the way across the lake for these.
So you've never been kissed.
Big deal.
Yeah, so what.
You've never had a girlfriend either.
Great.
Something else we can celebrate with hummus.
We just had a Garrett kiss.
Why am I laughing? Oh, real sweet job there, Timmy.
How much you want for it? Okay, remember, bookcases due by the end of class tomorrow.
Hey, Coach Beecroft, awesome game yesterday.
Thanks, Watson.
Go, 'Skrats.
You are so inspiring.
You should coach all the school teams.
I coach most of 'em, except for water polo.
I can't swim.
The Beecrofts are not a buoyant family.
Right.
Anyway, I know I'm supposed to make a bookcase, but something's telling me to make something a little more challenging, like, I don't know, a cutting board.
Do it then.
When wood speaks, son, you better listen.
Really? So I can skip the bookcase? No.
Make the cutting board after the bookcase.
Right.
It's just that it's kinda hard to focus on both things.
I mean, you're such a great coach.
You know how important focus is.
Well, that I do.
You know what, Watson? Don't worry about the bookcase.
Just make the cutting board.
Great coach, great teacher.
Is there anything you can't do? Can't eat cheese without getting gassy.
That I'm aware of.
Hey, where's the gang? Not here, but that's so sweet of you to ask.
Nothin' sweet about it.
Betty makes more money when the gang's here.
But Lindy gets more homework done when they're not.
I see you're referring to yourself in the third person.
- That's Betty's thing.
- Lindy's borrowing it.
But it's better on Betty.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- What are you doing here? - I had to see you.
This is Muskrat territory.
I don't care.
I had to take a chance.
- Can I sit? - Sure.
Oh, but not there.
There.
Turn around.
No eye contact.
I can't stop thinking about you.
I don't even know you.
No, I was talking to her.
Then why are you lookin' at me? - Betty, it's complicated.
- What isn't? So you've been thinking about me.
Let's pick it up from there.
I can't stop thinking about you.
Have you been thinking about me? Kinda.
Yesterday, I watched a documentary about mosquitoes.
Did you know they mate for life? It's only ten days, but it's so romantic.
- I'm Jake.
- I'm Lindy.
Now get outta here.
What? - My friends could show up any minute.
- I have to see you again.
We could meet later at the juice bar on my side of town.
Jumblejuice? Then your friends will see me.
It has to be on neutral territory.
How about Lincoln Park zoo, 4:00? See you there.
Oh, I see what's going on here.
Forbidden love.
Mosquitoes and muskrats.
Sure hate for something like that to get out.
I would, too.
Maybe I should order another smoothie.
Or two.
- How about three? - Keep goin'.
Hi, Garrett.
What's wrong with me? That's not an easy question to answer between classes.
Maybe we can block out some time this weekend.
I can't believe I've never been kissed.
I thought you were okay with it.
I was.
Then I started thinking.
Even that creepy little eight-year-old genius who's a senior has been kissed.
Well, he was on Wake Up, Chicago.
Of course he's gonna get some action.
I feel like such a loser.
- Okay, let's just do it.
- Do what? If it'll get you to stop moping around, let's just kiss.
You'd do that for me? Well, sure.
I'm your friend.
Right here, right now.
Come to mama! I was almost there until the "mama" thing.
Oh, whatever.
- Just pucker up.
Let's get smackin'.
- Not now.
I'm not prepared.
I mean, I haven't brushed my teeth.
The lighting in here is all wrong.
We'll do it later.
You're so picky.
Rick Fugler climbed out of a lake smelling like fish, and I kissed him.
What? I did.
There you go, Coach.
Wow.
Except for this rough sanded spot, this looks really good.
You have a good eye, Coach.
This might be the best thing you've made this semester.
Almost looks like something you could buy in a store.
Oh, now you're just bein' nice.
Oh, hey, Cadence.
Oh, Kyle, Jamis, what's going on? Jazz, why is everyone acting so weird? Maybe they saw this.
It's you and that obnoxious creep from the game.
You're dating a Mosquito? I'm not dating him.
We just went to the zoo.
By the way, they have a new baby panda, if you get the chance.
Don't change the subject.
So this is just a one-time thing? I don't know.
We had fun.
Lindy, he's our arch-rival.
Okay, my head tells me you're right, and my eyes tell me he's really cute.
But my stomach tells me it's hungry.
Wanna get some lunch? You're changing the subject again.
- This affects me, too.
- How? I am vice-president of the pep club.
Because I am your friend, my pep is being seriously questioned.
Is it true? Yes.
Lindy's dating a Mosquito.
- That is so cool.
- It is? Yeah.
The fact that you're willing to be an outcast and suffer for what you believe in, you're like Joan of Arc right before they burned her at the stake and tossed her crispy remains into the river.
I don't wanna be the crispy river girl.
It's okay.
You don't have to be.
We can spin this.
Lucky for you, I am also president of the Future Publicists Club.
- I've never even heard of that.
- We're not very good.
All I'm saying is that if you keep seeing this guy, there's gonna be consequences.
You'll be an outcast.
I already said outcast.
Then you'll be a social pariah.
I haven't said that yet.
That's a good one.
Thanks.
SAT prep.
Oh.
Lindy, if you want anyone in school to talk to you again, stop seeing the Mosquito.
But he's cute.
Got a minute? Yeah.
Yeah, I can stare into space later.
What's up? I got an offer for a first kiss, and I need some advice.
Oh, great.
Someone finally comes to me for kissing advice, and it's a dude.
- Who's the girl? - Delia.
She is a really, really, really good friend.
I mean, really, really, really I got it.
Okay.
So first question.
During the kiss, our lips are together.
That's usually how it's done.
- So how do I breathe? - Through your nose.
When I get nervous, I'm sort of a mouth breather.
Well, you definitely don't want to blow her up like a beach ball.
Just try taking one big breath first.
Then go in.
Okay.
- What do I do with my arms? - Put them around her.
Like this? No, not like Frankenstein.
Relax.
Okay, not spaghetti arms either.
You look like one of those inflatable guys in front of a car dealership.
Maybe we should move on.
Okay, yeah, let's talk about head position, which is crucial.
If she goes one way, you go the other way.
Like this? Good.
But if she does this I do this.
Nice.
Now think fast.
Now add the arms.
Now hop on one leg.
- What is this for? - Me.
I was getting a little bored.
Watson.
I graded your cutting board.
"F"? But you liked it yesterday.
What happened? Why don't you ask your mosquito-lovin' sister? Oh, that's why I'm gettin' an "F," because my sister went out with a Mosquito? I thought it was because I bought it.
You bought this? F-minus.
I didn't know there was an F-minus.
Keep talking, kid.
Now you got a "G.
" There's a "G"? You want an "H"? I got the whole alphabet.
There's the girl who's ruining my life.
What are you talking about? Coach saw the photo of you and that guy, and now, I'm failing wood shop, which is a new high of lows for me.
That's not fair.
You got a bad grade because you're lazy.
No, I only got an "F" because I was lazy.
Because of you, he gave me an "H," which brings my average down to a "J.
" Is it really so bad? I mean, come on, I just went to the zoo with Jake.
Please don't use his name.
Just call him the Mosquito.
Secret got out, huh? Betty, I don't know what to do.
Whenever I feel like the world hates me, I start by ordering four smoothies.
Jake is really nice.
We had fun hanging out, but I don't wanna hurt my friends.
Let me tell you a little story.
When I was in the Coast Guard, I dated a guy in the Merchant Marines.
It was smooth sailing except for the fact that my friends didn't like me dating outside the Guard.
I let the peer pressure get to me, and I broke it off with him.
Now, not a day goes by that I don't wonder what happened to that man.
Dencil Washington.
You dated Denzel Washington? He's a movie star.
Not Denzel.
Dencil.
Rhymes with pencil.
Lindy, just follow your heart.
Do whatever you think is best with Jake.
The Mosquito.
What's this? It's a big moment, I wanted to look nice.
These are for you.
That's sweet.
Okay, let's do this.
Come on.
Two lips.
No waiting.
Get 'em while they're hot.
Wait.
I have one more little surprise.
Betty.
I was hoping for something romantic.
"Comin' Round the Mountain" is all I know.
Can you slow it down? If you put a little something in the tip jar.
This kiss is costing me a fortune.
Look, I know this is all kinda make-believe.
What does that mean? That we don't really like each other in a boyfriend-girlfriend sort of way.
Even so, I just wanted to say you're a really good friend for doing this.
Okay.
Here we go.
Wait.
I can't.
I knew it.
I should've gone left.
That's not it.
Betty, stop playing.
Good thing.
I need to empty my spit valve.
Be right back.
Don't lose the magic I've created.
What's wrong? Maybe your first kiss shouldn't be something a friend gives you.
Really? Why? It should be special.
You know, with someone you really like, who really likes you, in a boyfriend-girlfriend kind of way.
What if that never happens? Are you kidding? Of course it'll happen.
You're a great guy, Garrett.
Somewhere out there's a girl who would swim across a lake for you.
Thanks, Deels.
Wow.
My first hug.
I'm kidding.
Oh, Betty, the kiss is off.
That's your problem.
I'm just gettin' warmed up.
Okay, Muskrats, let's get this pep rally started.
Cut it out, Clark.
Guys, I have to be here.
Pep rallies are mandatory.
Beat it, blondie.
I'm your sister.
That's just a rumor.
Okay, fine, you guys win, I'm leaving.
But first, I have something to say.
I'm not leaving until I do.
Many of you think I've been hanging out with the enemy.
But I'm not.
I've just been hanging out with a boy named Jake.
The Mosquito.
Okay, so he doesn't go to our school.
But that doesn't make him a bad person.
And the truth is, the school you go to or the team you root for isn't gonna matter in a few years.
And it's a good thing, too.
How pathetic would it be if we're adults, and we're still dressing up and rah-rah-rahing over school spirit? Well, that hurt.
So if you wanna stay mad at me, go ahead.
I never wanted to hurt anybody.
I just followed my heart.
And I'm gonna keep following my heart.
She's right.
As her friend and publicist, - I stand with Lindy.
- Aww.
I stand with Lindy.
I stand with Lindy.
Because if we've learned one thing today, it's that Mosquitoes are the worst.
Go, Muskrats! - Dumped by text? - Dumped by text.
I still can't believe the loser dumped you.
After you went to the wall for him.
When that picture of us at the zoo went around his school, he couldn't handle the pressure.
That's 'cause he's a Mosquito.
A blood-sucking little baby.
Idea for Halloween costume: blood-sucking little baby.
You know, that guy does not deserve someone as great as you.
Oh, thanks, Jazz.
And you know what? I don't need a guy to make me happy, as long as I got my girls.
Oh, hey, Deels, how did the kiss with Garrett go? I couldn't do it.
I want his first kiss to be special.
I'll never forget my first kiss.
Jesse Rose.
At the ice rink behind the Zamboni.
That's so weird, because mine was Jesse Zamboni behind the roses.
No, it wasn't.
It was Steven Buckley.
Steven Buckley at the Cubs game.
He kissed me right between "the land of the free and the home of the brave.
" Everyone cheered and clapped.
I think they do that at every game.
That's not how I'm gonna remember it.
All right.
"She'll Be Comin' Round the Mountain," from the top.
Wrong, wrong, wrong.
What's the problem? The drum and cymbals.
I think there was too much trombone.
Is being in this band really gonna help me get girls? - Yes.
- No.
Shouldn't this band have a name? I was thinkin' Betty and the Boys.
What about the Logan Watson Trio? I'm still not clear on the "getting girls" thing.
All right, from the top.
And this time, let's really put something into it.
Whoo! Well, she came around the mountain that time, huh, boys? Dad!