Insatiable (2018) s02e02 Episode Script
Dead Girl
1 [SIREN WAILING.]
[WOMAN.]
And, three, two, one.
Newly-crowned pageant queen Roxy Graham is dead, strangled by her own sash, and her killer still remains unaccounted for.
You can see the deceased body being loaded [BOB.]
Another person was dead.
This time, Patty's nemesis and competition.
What were the odds Patty wasn't to blame? She had a clear motive.
She was first runner-up.
With Roxy dead, Patty would surely get the crown, and I already knew what she was capable of.
But how long before everybody else came to the same conclusion? [WOMAN.]
Where was I when I heard the scream? - I was backstage.
- In my dressing room.
Texting my bestie, and Sexting my new boyfriend.
[GIGGLES.]
[HEATHER.]
Where was I when I heard the scream? Duh, I was the one who screamed.
I walked in to congratulate her.
I was I was so happy for her, and, like, there she was with all those roses sticking out of her pie hole.
I mean, how does anyone even do that? [GIRL SCREAMING.]
I know this is a difficult time for you, Mr.
Barnard, but I still need to ask Magnolia a few more questions.
[BARNARD.]
Do you? She already told you she doesn't remember anything for the last two days.
What was the last thing you do remember? Um Having a fight with my dad and running out on him.
And where did you go? I just told you, I don't remember.
[SCOFFS.]
Seems pretty convenient, don't you think? Any idea where you got the art on your arm? How many times do I have to tell you that It's obvious that she suffered some sort of head injury.
Now, since I'd prefer to end this horrible day with only one dead daughter and not two, I'm gonna take Magnolia to the hospital if that's all right with you.
Don't answer that.
I'm not asking.
[MELANCHOLIC SONG PLAYING.]
[CORALEE.]
I mean, I I didn't really know Roxy.
I know Magnolia, her sister.
Well, they had just found out that they were sisters.
Different mothers but the same father.
- When did they find this out? - Maybe, like, a couple of weeks ago.
Was there any confusion or ill-will between them? How could there not be? No, I didn't mean anything by that.
You know, I just meant that they just found out they were sisters, and I know if all of a sudden I found out that I had a sister that I didn't know about, and there she was, that that would be a really, like, big deal, right? [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
I mean, there must be more credible suspects than Magnolia.
Who said Magnolia was a suspect? You did? [OFFICER.]
You were second runner-up, now you're first.
Does being first runner-up come with any kind of prize? A bigger scholarship.
[LAUGHS.]
But not enough to make me want to, you know, kill someone.
You know who really had something to gain by Roxy's death? You should look at the next in line to get the crown Patty Bladell.
[OFFICER.]
My boss will be here any minute.
[BOB.]
Of course I cared if Patty did it, but as her lawyer, I couldn't afford to ask.
If I was gonna make her case, I needed plausible deniability.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
One second.
[BOB.]
No matter how suspicious I was myself, I had to keep my cool What the hell? Rudy Cruz.
[CHUCKLES.]
Cruz, seriously? Detective Cruz.
[BOB.]
You're a cop! You two know each other? [BOB.]
It was my real life Gay's Anatomy moment, except I was much better dressed than Ellen Pompeo.
I'm taking over for Officer Thompson.
Apparently he got cast in Naked and Afraid.
Nonnie's dad got on Naked and Afraid? That's his dream.
- I wonder why she didn't tell me.
- [CRUZ.]
You're excused.
Why don't you go organize some evidence? And close the doors behind you, will you? Miss Bladell, where were you when the deceased was killed? [BOB.]
The longer she took to answer, the more suspicious I got.
Tell him what you told me.
You have to.
Um, I was throwing up.
Were you sick? My client has an eating disorder.
What? - I do not.
- Yes, you do.
And I'm very worried about you.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
I just found these in the dressing room where the victim was discovered.
And that's when I knew Patty was telling the truth.
Would it be okay if I ate one? My blood sugar is seriously crashing.
No, it's evidence.
Cops don't eat evi Excuse me.
For the record, I do not have an eating disorder.
- Patty - And even if I do, it's nobody's business.
I was trying to give you an alibi, until I realized you already have one.
What are you talking about? I told you, I was throwing up, and not in a bulimic way.
I didn't know whether you were telling the truth until I saw that pastry basket.
After you killed Christian, you ate everything in sight.
There's no way you killed Roxy and left all those pastries just sitting there.
But you thought I could have done it? Bob! You know me.
I'm a killer.
I'm not a murderer.
Do you hear the words that come out of your mouth sometimes? I thought that you believed in me.
You said this was all meant to be.
A dead pageant girl is not exactly divinely inspired.
I don't know.
Think about it.
Roxy's death could overshadow the fact that Christian is missing, and if Magnolia really can't remember a thing from that night, that totally lets me off the hook.
All I'm saying is, you said the crown was our only shot at a real future, and now it seems like the universe is conspiring to give us that after all.
- [DOOR OPENS.]
- [DETECTIVE CLEANS THROAT.]
Now, where were we? Just finishing up.
Look, it's been a long night.
I understand a girl is dead, but all you've got is a bunch of traumatized teenage girls and their mothers pointing their fingers at my client.
[CRUZ.]
We also have motive.
She's next in line for the crown, and we have no eye-witnesses as to her whereabouts during the actual time of the murder.
None of that is hard evidence, so unless you find some, I know my client's rights.
You can take her into custody and hold her for 24 hours, or you can let her go.
Make your choice.
I still don't know why you didn't just tell them about the pastry basket.
You said yourself, it's as good as an alibi.
You want me to tell them you binge your brains out whenever you kill someone? Are you insane? You're right.
I didn't think about that.
Okay, on the upside, we still have a few more hours of dark to take care of Christian's car.
We? No, you are a person of interest in a murder investigation.
- You mean a suspect? - No, a person of interest is someone on their way to becoming a suspect.
So like a suspect runner-up.
It's not a good thing.
You become a suspect if they find any incriminating evidence.
And unfortunately for you, you just killed Christian, - so I will be handling the car alone.
- [PHONE CHIMES.]
Um You should go home, and you should probably You should call someone to keep you company.
Why? I'm not gonna binge, if that's what you're thinking.
Yes, that, and I'm worried that Stella Rose might still be after you.
She might have been the one to kill Roxy.
Tie up the loose ends.
- Roxy's her daughter.
That's insane.
- So is Stella Rose.
I ran her over twice.
- Are you sure? - Yes.
Yes, I felt the truck hit her.
- Well, I didn't see her, but - Oh, my God! This is straight out of a horror movie.
Haven't you seen Friday the 13th? She is Jason! - Is that the guy with knives for hands? - No, that's Wolverine.
Jason is the dude with the hockey mask and the machete who has superhuman strength and never stays dead for long.
Stella Rose is a classic villain, the kind that keeps coming back.
So, until we know where Stella Rose is, I don't want you to be alone.
I really didn't want to be alone, so thanks for coming.
Of course.
So, how is she doing? Well, she is suffering from short-term memory loss.
Doctors said it could have been caused by some sort of head trauma or emotional trauma.
They also found a hell of a lot of alcohol in her system.
Oh, Bob, I'm so sorry.
Yeah, well, to top it all off, the cops just called and said they need to come by and ask Magnolia a few more questions when she's feeling up to it, which we both need like a hole in the head.
Uh Bob, uh I think that might be my fault.
- What do you mean? - Well, when the cops questioned me, I might have told them that Magnolia and Roxy's relationship was strained.
Why would you do that? Well, I didn't do it on purpose.
I was just I was nervous and exhausted, and I just wasn't thinking.
Clearly.
I'm so sorry, Bob.
Tell me what I can do.
I think you've done enough.
You should leave.
Okay.
[MELANCHOLIC SONG PLAYING.]
[PHONE CHIMES.]
[BOB.]
I should have been trying to make inroads back to Coralee and Bob.
But what was I doing instead? The thing I always did Helping Patty Bladell.
[GIRL MOANING.]
What in the hell? [CREAKING.]
Someone had found Christian's car and turned it into a love shack? - [MOANING.]
- I probably could have coitally interrupted them, but I couldn't risk being seen anywhere near that car.
I had no choice but to wait them out.
[MOANING CONTINUES.]
[MAN.]
Are those new boots? [CREAKING CONTINUES.]
[PATTY SCREAMING.]
[PANTING.]
[PATTY SCREAMS.]
[SIGHS.]
What? - Thank God it's you.
- Who else would I be? No, it's I had a nightmare.
What about? Who was in it? Nobody.
I'm hungry.
Are you hungry? No, it's the middle of the night.
So? You love a midnight snack.
No, you love a midnight snack.
You been talking to Bob Armstrong? No.
Why? No reason.
Patty Tell me.
You didn't tell me that your dad was gonna be on Naked and Afraid.
Who's staying with you? Mrs.
Freyberger.
Don't change the subject.
What's going on with Bob Armstrong? It's nothing.
I mean, he [SCOFFS.]
He thinks I have an eating disorder, which is totally crazy.
Right? What? You think he's right? We've known each other a long time, right? So food has always been your go-to thing.
It's always been our go-to thing.
All of the nights that we spent eating together.
Chocolate Froyo and Cool Whip and cake.
- Because you wanted to.
- That's not true.
Stop being so defensive.
You're acting like your mom when you told her to get sober.
That's not the same.
- Food and alcohol are totally different.
- Maybe they're not.
There are plenty of 12-step programs.
Maybe there's one for food.
[PHONE BUZZES AND CHIMES.]
It's the regionals pageant board.
They want to meet with me first thing tomorrow morning.
They must finally be ready to give me my crown.
That's great, but - I've gotta tell Bob.
- Patty, we weren't done talking.
Look, I appreciate your concern, okay? But I need to get my beauty sleep, especially if I'm getting my crown tomorrow.
Don't you want your midnight snack? Must've lost my appetite.
[PATTY.]
So much for being binge buddies.
It was time to start eating alone.
[BOB.]
I had less than an hour to tow Christian's car to the junkyard before the sun came up.
I knew I had to haul ass.
[TIRES SCREECHING.]
Oh, balls! Son of a bitch! Dick nuts! [MAN.]
You're telling me you don't have the pink slip? It is a favor for a friend, you know.
Like those favors I did for you when I handled all three of your divorces, Junkyard Bob.
Just 'cause I own a junkyard doesn't mean I need to spend my entire life being shackled to a shitty-ass nickname.
I could have been Hot Bob if it wasn't for Barnard, or even Other Bob, like you.
Yeah, okay.
Could we maybe have this nickname conversation at another time? - I'll run it through the crusher.
- [SIGHS.]
Hi, Shelby.
I got your package.
Did you distribute my samples? - And? - They're worth more in here than cigarettes! Those Tampazzles are like trading gold.
Tampoozles.
My competitor is Tampazzle, so I'm calling mine Tampoozle.
What about Vagizzle? - Eww! - Whatever.
You're the creative.
But if you're still looking for an investor, I'm in.
The prison pen pals app I created has me rolling in the dough.
That is great.
But I just want to make sure that I am not getting caught up in anything that could land me back here.
I'll never find my sweet baby Dixie while I'm stuck behind bars.
I still haven't heard from her since she ran away.
I feel you sister, but there's no law against making money while incarcerated, as long as you've got some contacts on the outside.
[LAUGHS.]
But when I get out, I'm gonna want a hundred percent return on my investment.
When's that? Deal.
Oh, wait.
[DINGING.]
[PATTY.]
Bob had completely freaked me out about Stella Rose.
Now that I was about to get the crown, she was all the more likely to show up.
I had a pit in my stomach.
There had to be a vending machine around here somewhere.
[GASPS.]
What the hell happened to you? Hmm - Did you take arecay of the arcay? - What? Did you take arecay of the arcay? It's pig Latin.
- Hm, don't say pig.
- Did you take care of the car? Yes.
Now let's go get you that crown.
Hold on.
Have you seen yourself? You look like a homeless gambling addict.
I didn't have time to go home and change.
Where's your caboodle? [SONG PLAYING.]
[MUSIC STOPS, PATTY GASPS.]
You wear a wig? It is a toupee.
Well, excuse me.
And we will never speak of it again.
In light of our recent tragedy, and out of respect to the family of the deceased, the Northeastern Regional Pageant Board has decided not to award a pageant crown.
Or any runners-up awards, certificates, or scholarships for this year's pageant.
The board has also decided not to send anyone to state.
[GROANING.]
[WHISPERING.]
I have an idea.
Just back me up.
I deserve to be first runner-up.
And you would've been if you had more of a thigh gap.
My thighs didn't kill Roxy.
Take a Xanax.
[BOB.]
If it ended here, none of it was meant to be.
So I figured sometimes even fate needed a little push.
Excuse me.
Excuse me, but all this is all a sham.
This is not about the deceased, or about respect for her family.
This is about you being caught in the middle of a PR nightmare.
- You're out of line, Bob.
- No, let's face it.
In a hashtag MeToo world, pageants are already under fire for being sexist, and backbiting, and anti-feminist, and that's without a pageant girl having been killed.
Each headline is worse than the last.
They're running 24/7 coverage on Roxy's murder.
Thanks for making my case.
Now, that's where you're wrong.
So you wait a year and hope this all goes away? That will be the nail in the coffin for this pageant.
And just think of all these talented young ladies who will lose the chance to better their lives through pageantry.
Hashtag No Pageant Girls Left Behind.
This pageant cannot die with Roxy Graham, which is why you have to give the crown to Patty Bladell.
Crown a murder suspect? I don't think so.
- [PATTY.]
Person of interest.
- What? I'm not a murder suspect.
I'm just a person of interest.
To suggest that any of these girls is a murder suspect is to suggest that they would kill to get the crown.
This board needs to take the position that none of these girls would ever hurt each other.
That they are sisters.
Yes! Yes! That is the headline that you want, right? Uh, what if What if we were able to turn all these "Dead Pageant Girl" headlines upside down? Yes.
We could plan an event.
One that would show that we are united in this tragedy - as a community.
- Hm.
What exactly do you have in mind? A memorial for Roxy? Why does everything have to be about her? I was thinking more like a dance-a-thon.
The more you can champion your dear departed friend, the harder it will be for people to think that you could have murdered her.
Okay, but what if Stella Rose really is after me? What are the odds she doesn't show up to her own daughter's memorial? If she killed Roxy, she's definitely not showing up.
And if she does, at least we're smoking her out.
There's not a whole lot she can do in front of a huge group of people.
- What are you doing? - Tracking Christian's phone.
Seeing if his dad ever texted him back.
And? Looks like we're good.
Great.
Great.
So I will lock down a location for Roxy's memorial and pull the permits.
You get the pageant girls together and brainstorm a gimmick, something that'll make the whole event go viral.
[SCOFFS.]
You really think I can get all these girls to work together like sisters? Of course you can.
We just urbay an odybay.
How much harder can this be? Hey, you heard anything from Magnolia yet? No.
Why? Well, because I went to go visit her in the hospital and it seemed like Bob Barnard didn't really want me there.
Well, why would he want to see the ex of his current boyfriend unless the three of you are a thing? Yeah, we're not.
[SIGHS.]
Brick Brick, your Your dad and I are getting a divorce.
Wow! - Okay.
- I just want you to know that none of this is your fault.
Trust me, I know.
Yeah, you guys royally messed this one up.
[PHONE CHIMES.]
I gotta go.
Patty needs my help.
- We're not done talking about this yet.
- I am.
[SIGHS.]
[REPORTER.]
Last night, tragedy struck at the Miss Northeastern Georgia Dreams Pageant.
I was there to cover it all.
We're outside the Miss Northeastern Georgia Dreams Pageant, and they're about to announce the winner.
- Shortly after, Miss Northeastern - Magnolia? was found strangled in her dressing room.
Thank you so much for doing this.
I think I saw my friend's daughter on TV last night, and she's having a hard time remembering where she was right after the pageant, so I'm hoping you can help.
[MAN.]
Yeah.
Oh, that's her.
That's her right there.
- That's her.
Can you play that through? - Sure.
[CORALEE.]
Okay.
And three, two Peekaboo! [LAUGHING.]
[MAGNOLIA.]
Peekaboo! [REPORTER.]
And three, two - Ahh! - [HONKS.]
[MAN.]
Whoa! Slow down! Okay.
Well, at least we know how she lost her memory.
I just wish I knew if she was outside at the exact moment her sister was murdered.
Easy enough to find out.
- Here.
- What do you - You see that timecode? - Yeah.
- Tells you the time I shot it.
- Okay.
You'd have to go to the police and find out time of death.
Can you email this to me? Yeah.
Hang on.
[PATTY.]
Getting these girls on the same page was harder than walking in four-inch heels, so I called in reinforcements.
[GIRLS TALKING.]
matching anymore.
I mean, we're matching! - I came as soon as I got your text.
- What were you doing in my bushes? Well I was ringing your doorbell for, like, five whole minutes.
It's been broken for months.
Why didn't you just knock? I didn't think of it.
You said you needed my help.
So, what's up? Yeah.
It's these pageant girls.
I'm supposed to get them to work together as a team, but they can't even agree on what to order for lunch.
- I'm allergic to dairy.
- I can only eat gluten free.
- I'm a pescatarian.
- This isn't about religion, Heather.
So you want me to order some food No.
Um You're the captain of the wrestling squad.
How do I get these girls to start acting like a team? Well [CLICKS FINGERS.]
This one time just before semifinals, the coach took us out to a ropes course.
He made us do a bunch of team-building exercises.
Maybe that would work.
Uh - I don't know.
- Let me give it a shot.
- Hey, ladies.
- Hello, blue eyes.
You guys feel like doing something fun today? Great.
Okay.
Follow me.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- You know, I love doing fun things.
Clothing optional.
I needed us to act like sisters, and sisters share.
Brick, I see you've met Heather Christina Pamela Kendell.
Jackson-Johnson.
Heather, this is Brick.
I'm riding with you.
Then again, sisters don't share everything.
- See you! - Bye, cute! Fun! - Thank you.
- Bye, honey.
Do you want my number? Brick, hang on.
We'll catch up with you guys.
What's up? I wanted to say thank you.
[SONG PLAYING.]
[MAGNOLIA.]
I love you.
Well, the good news is, this exonerates Magnolia Barnard.
The bad news is, she definitely has some substance abuse problems.
And she's really annoying.
So you'll take her off your list of suspects? Well, she couldn't be in two places at the same time.
And, according to the timecode on the video, she was in the parking lot during the entire window the victim could have been murdered.
Will you tell her father? Or can I? He'll be so relieved.
- I'll call him the first chance I get.
- Okay, great.
Thank you so much.
- Thank you.
- Okay, bye.
Well, so much for Magnolia Barnard.
We should have taken Patty Bladell into custody when we had the chance.
With what evidence? Where are we with the murder weapon? Roxy's pageant sash was the only one missing, and so far, there's no sign of it.
Keep looking.
At least with Patty Bladell out there, she's bound to screw up sooner or later.
All we have to do is keep an eye on her.
And the second runner-up, too.
Heather Christina Pamela John Wayne Gacy or whatever her name is.
She's the one that found the body.
How do we know she didn't do the deed? [BRICK.]
You step in like she did, Patty.
Brick, will you strap this on me, please? Does this go between my legs? Excuse me, Brick.
Cinch me.
[BRICK.]
Yeah, squat it.
There you go.
Done.
- [WOMAN.]
Could be a little tighter.
- [BRICK.]
This is excellent.
Good job.
That's how we're doing it ladies, yeah? [CHEERING.]
Come on out.
Okay.
One step at a time.
- [BRICK.]
Come on out.
Steady at the top.
- Slow and steady wins the race.
- Did I do it? - Easy does it.
- You're good.
- Okay.
- Do I look pretty? - You're gorgeous, Faith Anne! - [WOMAN.]
Baby steps! - Okay.
[GASPS.]
Okay.
[BRICK.]
Looking good.
Looking good! - We're gonna be fine.
- Yeah! - Steady.
- [BRICK.]
That's right.
Come on.
Just hold on tight.
Keep calm.
[WOMAN.]
Almost there.
[SCREAMING.]
Damn it, Faith Anne! Does anyone know the pH of this mud pit? - God! - So expensive.
No.
After you.
Fuck this.
I am not crossing jack shit, especially not with her attached to my ass.
Who knows what might go wrong? What's that supposed to mean? You need me to spell it out for you, Patty "I killed Roxy" Bladell? Shut up, Heather Christina Pamela Neil Patrick Harris.
Ladies! We are supposed to be on the same team.
Team, my ass! She can suck my dick.
[GRUNTING.]
[BRICK.]
All right Don't hit my boyfriend! What is going on? [BRICK.]
I was trying to help.
It worked for the wrestling team.
Pageant girls are not wrestlers.
At least they're not supposed to be.
You cannot show your rage like this.
It just makes you look more guilty.
I'm sorry, Vicky Cristina Barcelona.
Team building works differently for teammates than it does for competitors, not to mention boys and girls.
Right.
I guess I forgot what an expert you are at relationships between men and women.
- What's that supposed to mean? - You're divorcing Mom.
She wasn't supposed to tell you that with me not there.
Yeah, when are you ever there? I don't really feel like being around my dad right now.
You good if I get out of here? Yeah, and call me later? [PATTY.]
You're gonna let him go? Sometimes you just have to let things cool off, or you'll end up making them worse.
God damn it! I broke a nail.
You know, I cannot believe we let ourselves get talked into this.
And for what? To celebrate Roxy? She sucked.
- She was a total ho-bag.
- Tell me about it.
She screwed my ex-boyfriend before we broke up.
- She did the same thing to me.
- [GIRL GASPS.]
Are you thinking what I'm thinking? These harnesses make everyone's asses look huge? No! That the way to bond you all together is through your common enemy, Roxy Graham.
[WOMAN.]
That horse-face bareback buckaroo-ed my boyfriend.
Everybody, listen up.
If we don't get on the same page and make this memorial a success, then none of us gets crowned, and nobody gets their scholarships, and worst of all, Roxy gets the last word.
That dead bitch! Uh-huh! But we're not gonna let that happen, are we? We are gonna make this memorial the biggest, baddest, fuck you to Roxy Graham.
Well, I meant No, use Roxy to find common ground, not turn the memorial into a hate-fest.
It's supposed to be heartfelt.
Okay, so we'll keep the fuck you part subtle.
Just go with it.
- All right, what did Roxy hate? - The color yellow.
Being outside.
- Death.
- Yes.
What else? - Sand in her crotch? - Music.
That's not a thing.
People don't hate music.
Roxy did.
She couldn't stand it, said it gave her a migraine.
[GASPS.]
I know what we can do.
We'll do a musical number.
We can sing it live at the memorial.
It'll go viral, like "We Are the World!" We are the what? It's only the single greatest moment in pop music history.
Um I was bored.
Who was the guy who looks like Michael Jackson only black? Can we order sushi? Okay, maybe it needs to be updated.
Does anyone know anybody who can write a song? [PATTY.]
Nonnie's songwriting skills were even better than her singing voice.
I wanted it to feel like Music and Lyrics, but there was still too much tension from our last conversation.
Why aren't you eating your lunch? I don't know.
Why wouldn't I be? Look I've been thinking about our conversation, and you're right.
About me not having an eating disorder? No, that it's partially my fault.
I've been enabling you by being your binge buddy and not saying anything when I know it wasn't good for you.
And I'm sorry.
But I'd like to make it up to you.
I've been doing some research, and there are a lot of ways to get help, like outpatient treatments and 12 steps Okay, you really want to make it up to me? Just help me write this song.
I hoped focusing on the crown would help me stop wanting to eat.
But I just stopped eating in front of other people.
In the meantime, we taught the girls the song.
We spread the word.
I even got the Chois to donate food.
And I did my best to smile pretty and make sure I got that crown.
- It's good.
- Hm.
- I have notes.
- No! Sorry.
We don't have time.
We have bigger problems.
Nobody's coming.
They think it's too morbid.
That is so not true.
Okay.
Well, how are we supposed to change the headlines if nobody bothers showing up? It's the modern age.
Facts are fungible.
We don't need people to actually be there.
We just need everyone to think that it's a big event and for our song to go viral.
We'll blast it on social media.
Okay, but everyone is still trolling us on social media.
How can we be sure this isn't gonna make everything worse? We just need an ace in the hole Someone who can spin us a positive headline.
Patty, I'd like to introduce you to a former client of mine, Miss Laurie Hightower.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Nice to meet you.
Laurie is not just the face of WVJJ News, she is also a former Miss North Dakota.
She has a soft spot for beauty pageants, so she has promised to give this event - a fair and balanced story.
- [PATTY.]
Oh! Um What if it doesn't go well? You know what they say.
Any publicity is good publicity.
- How are you feeling? - [SIGHS.]
Totally freaked out.
Have you seen Stella Rose anywhere? No, but I have seen Detective Cruz and Officer Greg, so if she shows up, you will be well protected.
- Okay.
- Well, this isn't much of a turnout.
It is the quality of the people that count, not the quantity.
I sure hope you have something great up your sleeve to change those headlines.
We do.
You can count on it.
- Hey, Patty.
- [CHUCKLES.]
I just wanted to wish you good luck.
That's really sweet.
- And what about me? - This isn't about you.
Bye.
- Excuse me.
- Hm-mm.
Hi, Coralee.
Guess what? I got an investor for my own line, Tampoozle.
I'm about to become your biggest competition.
What are you talking about now? - Think you heard me.
- Coralee - Rude! - We need to talk.
Alone.
I thought you guys liked having a third.
Small town.
People talk.
You just interrupted a very important conversation.
Like the one where you told Brick we were getting a divorce? You should have talked to me first.
Everything okay? Fine, Bob.
I appreciate what you did for Magnolia.
It means the world.
Bob, you need to know.
Patty didn't kill Roxy.
You would say that.
No, actually I believe him, honey.
- You do? - Yeah, it might be the last thing we ever agree on, but I know Patty and she's a lot of things, but she's not a killer.
[PATTY.]
Okay, everyone, please take your seats.
It's time to get started.
[DISTORTION.]
You'd think Stella Rose would be here.
[PATTY.]
I'd like to thank everyone who showed up today to help us memorialize our fallen sister, Roxy Graham.
- Everyone has heard it.
- [DISTORTION CONTINUES.]
Everybody knows this pageant and [DISTORTION.]
murdered Roxy.
Now, I'd like to introduce a song written just for this occasion by Nonnie Thompson.
It's called "Roxy's Lullaby.
" [MELODY STARTS.]
[BOB ARMSTRONG.]
I'd been so focused on the fact that Roxy mistreated Patty that I didn't consider that Roxy was Bob's daughter.
I didn't know how this was gonna go.
Pretty lady dressed in yellow Lemon sunshine in your eyes Now I've gone and lost my mellow Yellow tears fall from the sky I saw your beautiful crown I saw your pretty poses Now the world is crashing down You're a still life with roses Since you are Dead, girl You make me so sad Your life is so rad But now it's over Dead girl We were friends on the first day Now you're gone and it's the worst day I think about your last words See you next Thursday Dead girl You make me so sad Your life was so rad But now it's over Dead girl, you make me so sad Your life was so rad But now it's over Dead girl, you make me so sad Your life was so rad But now it's over Hey, dead girl, can't you see? You'll never be just a dead girl To me [VOCALIZING.]
I'm so sorry.
Is there anything I can do? Don't, Bob.
You've done enough already.
Maybe this was a huge mistake.
I hadn't just hurt Bob and Coralee, I also hurt any chance I had of getting them back.
Bob, look! You make me so sad! You make me so sad! It's getting picked up everywhere.
And hashtag No Pageant Girls Left Behind is trending.
We did it.
[WOMAN.]
Patty Bladell I believe this is yours.
[BOB.]
I had lost everything.
Bob, Brick, Coralee, even myself.
But in this moment, it all felt worth it.
Because if all I had left was Patty, at least she was a queen.
This is the real you.
No dead bodies.
No murder.
Just beautiful.
[PATTY.]
I wanted to celebrate.
Where the hell was the Ween Mobile? [NONNIE.]
Patty Can we talk? Later! I have something I have to take care of.
[REGINA.]
Oh! Oh, Dixie! Oh! My baby! My baby girl! Just when things were starting to look up, Dixie came back.
The only person I hated more than Roxy.
Hello! [BRAKES SCREECHING.]
[REGINA.]
God! [SCREAMS.]
Oh, shit! Was there another dead girl?
[WOMAN.]
And, three, two, one.
Newly-crowned pageant queen Roxy Graham is dead, strangled by her own sash, and her killer still remains unaccounted for.
You can see the deceased body being loaded [BOB.]
Another person was dead.
This time, Patty's nemesis and competition.
What were the odds Patty wasn't to blame? She had a clear motive.
She was first runner-up.
With Roxy dead, Patty would surely get the crown, and I already knew what she was capable of.
But how long before everybody else came to the same conclusion? [WOMAN.]
Where was I when I heard the scream? - I was backstage.
- In my dressing room.
Texting my bestie, and Sexting my new boyfriend.
[GIGGLES.]
[HEATHER.]
Where was I when I heard the scream? Duh, I was the one who screamed.
I walked in to congratulate her.
I was I was so happy for her, and, like, there she was with all those roses sticking out of her pie hole.
I mean, how does anyone even do that? [GIRL SCREAMING.]
I know this is a difficult time for you, Mr.
Barnard, but I still need to ask Magnolia a few more questions.
[BARNARD.]
Do you? She already told you she doesn't remember anything for the last two days.
What was the last thing you do remember? Um Having a fight with my dad and running out on him.
And where did you go? I just told you, I don't remember.
[SCOFFS.]
Seems pretty convenient, don't you think? Any idea where you got the art on your arm? How many times do I have to tell you that It's obvious that she suffered some sort of head injury.
Now, since I'd prefer to end this horrible day with only one dead daughter and not two, I'm gonna take Magnolia to the hospital if that's all right with you.
Don't answer that.
I'm not asking.
[MELANCHOLIC SONG PLAYING.]
[CORALEE.]
I mean, I I didn't really know Roxy.
I know Magnolia, her sister.
Well, they had just found out that they were sisters.
Different mothers but the same father.
- When did they find this out? - Maybe, like, a couple of weeks ago.
Was there any confusion or ill-will between them? How could there not be? No, I didn't mean anything by that.
You know, I just meant that they just found out they were sisters, and I know if all of a sudden I found out that I had a sister that I didn't know about, and there she was, that that would be a really, like, big deal, right? [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
I mean, there must be more credible suspects than Magnolia.
Who said Magnolia was a suspect? You did? [OFFICER.]
You were second runner-up, now you're first.
Does being first runner-up come with any kind of prize? A bigger scholarship.
[LAUGHS.]
But not enough to make me want to, you know, kill someone.
You know who really had something to gain by Roxy's death? You should look at the next in line to get the crown Patty Bladell.
[OFFICER.]
My boss will be here any minute.
[BOB.]
Of course I cared if Patty did it, but as her lawyer, I couldn't afford to ask.
If I was gonna make her case, I needed plausible deniability.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
One second.
[BOB.]
No matter how suspicious I was myself, I had to keep my cool What the hell? Rudy Cruz.
[CHUCKLES.]
Cruz, seriously? Detective Cruz.
[BOB.]
You're a cop! You two know each other? [BOB.]
It was my real life Gay's Anatomy moment, except I was much better dressed than Ellen Pompeo.
I'm taking over for Officer Thompson.
Apparently he got cast in Naked and Afraid.
Nonnie's dad got on Naked and Afraid? That's his dream.
- I wonder why she didn't tell me.
- [CRUZ.]
You're excused.
Why don't you go organize some evidence? And close the doors behind you, will you? Miss Bladell, where were you when the deceased was killed? [BOB.]
The longer she took to answer, the more suspicious I got.
Tell him what you told me.
You have to.
Um, I was throwing up.
Were you sick? My client has an eating disorder.
What? - I do not.
- Yes, you do.
And I'm very worried about you.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
I just found these in the dressing room where the victim was discovered.
And that's when I knew Patty was telling the truth.
Would it be okay if I ate one? My blood sugar is seriously crashing.
No, it's evidence.
Cops don't eat evi Excuse me.
For the record, I do not have an eating disorder.
- Patty - And even if I do, it's nobody's business.
I was trying to give you an alibi, until I realized you already have one.
What are you talking about? I told you, I was throwing up, and not in a bulimic way.
I didn't know whether you were telling the truth until I saw that pastry basket.
After you killed Christian, you ate everything in sight.
There's no way you killed Roxy and left all those pastries just sitting there.
But you thought I could have done it? Bob! You know me.
I'm a killer.
I'm not a murderer.
Do you hear the words that come out of your mouth sometimes? I thought that you believed in me.
You said this was all meant to be.
A dead pageant girl is not exactly divinely inspired.
I don't know.
Think about it.
Roxy's death could overshadow the fact that Christian is missing, and if Magnolia really can't remember a thing from that night, that totally lets me off the hook.
All I'm saying is, you said the crown was our only shot at a real future, and now it seems like the universe is conspiring to give us that after all.
- [DOOR OPENS.]
- [DETECTIVE CLEANS THROAT.]
Now, where were we? Just finishing up.
Look, it's been a long night.
I understand a girl is dead, but all you've got is a bunch of traumatized teenage girls and their mothers pointing their fingers at my client.
[CRUZ.]
We also have motive.
She's next in line for the crown, and we have no eye-witnesses as to her whereabouts during the actual time of the murder.
None of that is hard evidence, so unless you find some, I know my client's rights.
You can take her into custody and hold her for 24 hours, or you can let her go.
Make your choice.
I still don't know why you didn't just tell them about the pastry basket.
You said yourself, it's as good as an alibi.
You want me to tell them you binge your brains out whenever you kill someone? Are you insane? You're right.
I didn't think about that.
Okay, on the upside, we still have a few more hours of dark to take care of Christian's car.
We? No, you are a person of interest in a murder investigation.
- You mean a suspect? - No, a person of interest is someone on their way to becoming a suspect.
So like a suspect runner-up.
It's not a good thing.
You become a suspect if they find any incriminating evidence.
And unfortunately for you, you just killed Christian, - so I will be handling the car alone.
- [PHONE CHIMES.]
Um You should go home, and you should probably You should call someone to keep you company.
Why? I'm not gonna binge, if that's what you're thinking.
Yes, that, and I'm worried that Stella Rose might still be after you.
She might have been the one to kill Roxy.
Tie up the loose ends.
- Roxy's her daughter.
That's insane.
- So is Stella Rose.
I ran her over twice.
- Are you sure? - Yes.
Yes, I felt the truck hit her.
- Well, I didn't see her, but - Oh, my God! This is straight out of a horror movie.
Haven't you seen Friday the 13th? She is Jason! - Is that the guy with knives for hands? - No, that's Wolverine.
Jason is the dude with the hockey mask and the machete who has superhuman strength and never stays dead for long.
Stella Rose is a classic villain, the kind that keeps coming back.
So, until we know where Stella Rose is, I don't want you to be alone.
I really didn't want to be alone, so thanks for coming.
Of course.
So, how is she doing? Well, she is suffering from short-term memory loss.
Doctors said it could have been caused by some sort of head trauma or emotional trauma.
They also found a hell of a lot of alcohol in her system.
Oh, Bob, I'm so sorry.
Yeah, well, to top it all off, the cops just called and said they need to come by and ask Magnolia a few more questions when she's feeling up to it, which we both need like a hole in the head.
Uh Bob, uh I think that might be my fault.
- What do you mean? - Well, when the cops questioned me, I might have told them that Magnolia and Roxy's relationship was strained.
Why would you do that? Well, I didn't do it on purpose.
I was just I was nervous and exhausted, and I just wasn't thinking.
Clearly.
I'm so sorry, Bob.
Tell me what I can do.
I think you've done enough.
You should leave.
Okay.
[MELANCHOLIC SONG PLAYING.]
[PHONE CHIMES.]
[BOB.]
I should have been trying to make inroads back to Coralee and Bob.
But what was I doing instead? The thing I always did Helping Patty Bladell.
[GIRL MOANING.]
What in the hell? [CREAKING.]
Someone had found Christian's car and turned it into a love shack? - [MOANING.]
- I probably could have coitally interrupted them, but I couldn't risk being seen anywhere near that car.
I had no choice but to wait them out.
[MOANING CONTINUES.]
[MAN.]
Are those new boots? [CREAKING CONTINUES.]
[PATTY SCREAMING.]
[PANTING.]
[PATTY SCREAMS.]
[SIGHS.]
What? - Thank God it's you.
- Who else would I be? No, it's I had a nightmare.
What about? Who was in it? Nobody.
I'm hungry.
Are you hungry? No, it's the middle of the night.
So? You love a midnight snack.
No, you love a midnight snack.
You been talking to Bob Armstrong? No.
Why? No reason.
Patty Tell me.
You didn't tell me that your dad was gonna be on Naked and Afraid.
Who's staying with you? Mrs.
Freyberger.
Don't change the subject.
What's going on with Bob Armstrong? It's nothing.
I mean, he [SCOFFS.]
He thinks I have an eating disorder, which is totally crazy.
Right? What? You think he's right? We've known each other a long time, right? So food has always been your go-to thing.
It's always been our go-to thing.
All of the nights that we spent eating together.
Chocolate Froyo and Cool Whip and cake.
- Because you wanted to.
- That's not true.
Stop being so defensive.
You're acting like your mom when you told her to get sober.
That's not the same.
- Food and alcohol are totally different.
- Maybe they're not.
There are plenty of 12-step programs.
Maybe there's one for food.
[PHONE BUZZES AND CHIMES.]
It's the regionals pageant board.
They want to meet with me first thing tomorrow morning.
They must finally be ready to give me my crown.
That's great, but - I've gotta tell Bob.
- Patty, we weren't done talking.
Look, I appreciate your concern, okay? But I need to get my beauty sleep, especially if I'm getting my crown tomorrow.
Don't you want your midnight snack? Must've lost my appetite.
[PATTY.]
So much for being binge buddies.
It was time to start eating alone.
[BOB.]
I had less than an hour to tow Christian's car to the junkyard before the sun came up.
I knew I had to haul ass.
[TIRES SCREECHING.]
Oh, balls! Son of a bitch! Dick nuts! [MAN.]
You're telling me you don't have the pink slip? It is a favor for a friend, you know.
Like those favors I did for you when I handled all three of your divorces, Junkyard Bob.
Just 'cause I own a junkyard doesn't mean I need to spend my entire life being shackled to a shitty-ass nickname.
I could have been Hot Bob if it wasn't for Barnard, or even Other Bob, like you.
Yeah, okay.
Could we maybe have this nickname conversation at another time? - I'll run it through the crusher.
- [SIGHS.]
Hi, Shelby.
I got your package.
Did you distribute my samples? - And? - They're worth more in here than cigarettes! Those Tampazzles are like trading gold.
Tampoozles.
My competitor is Tampazzle, so I'm calling mine Tampoozle.
What about Vagizzle? - Eww! - Whatever.
You're the creative.
But if you're still looking for an investor, I'm in.
The prison pen pals app I created has me rolling in the dough.
That is great.
But I just want to make sure that I am not getting caught up in anything that could land me back here.
I'll never find my sweet baby Dixie while I'm stuck behind bars.
I still haven't heard from her since she ran away.
I feel you sister, but there's no law against making money while incarcerated, as long as you've got some contacts on the outside.
[LAUGHS.]
But when I get out, I'm gonna want a hundred percent return on my investment.
When's that? Deal.
Oh, wait.
[DINGING.]
[PATTY.]
Bob had completely freaked me out about Stella Rose.
Now that I was about to get the crown, she was all the more likely to show up.
I had a pit in my stomach.
There had to be a vending machine around here somewhere.
[GASPS.]
What the hell happened to you? Hmm - Did you take arecay of the arcay? - What? Did you take arecay of the arcay? It's pig Latin.
- Hm, don't say pig.
- Did you take care of the car? Yes.
Now let's go get you that crown.
Hold on.
Have you seen yourself? You look like a homeless gambling addict.
I didn't have time to go home and change.
Where's your caboodle? [SONG PLAYING.]
[MUSIC STOPS, PATTY GASPS.]
You wear a wig? It is a toupee.
Well, excuse me.
And we will never speak of it again.
In light of our recent tragedy, and out of respect to the family of the deceased, the Northeastern Regional Pageant Board has decided not to award a pageant crown.
Or any runners-up awards, certificates, or scholarships for this year's pageant.
The board has also decided not to send anyone to state.
[GROANING.]
[WHISPERING.]
I have an idea.
Just back me up.
I deserve to be first runner-up.
And you would've been if you had more of a thigh gap.
My thighs didn't kill Roxy.
Take a Xanax.
[BOB.]
If it ended here, none of it was meant to be.
So I figured sometimes even fate needed a little push.
Excuse me.
Excuse me, but all this is all a sham.
This is not about the deceased, or about respect for her family.
This is about you being caught in the middle of a PR nightmare.
- You're out of line, Bob.
- No, let's face it.
In a hashtag MeToo world, pageants are already under fire for being sexist, and backbiting, and anti-feminist, and that's without a pageant girl having been killed.
Each headline is worse than the last.
They're running 24/7 coverage on Roxy's murder.
Thanks for making my case.
Now, that's where you're wrong.
So you wait a year and hope this all goes away? That will be the nail in the coffin for this pageant.
And just think of all these talented young ladies who will lose the chance to better their lives through pageantry.
Hashtag No Pageant Girls Left Behind.
This pageant cannot die with Roxy Graham, which is why you have to give the crown to Patty Bladell.
Crown a murder suspect? I don't think so.
- [PATTY.]
Person of interest.
- What? I'm not a murder suspect.
I'm just a person of interest.
To suggest that any of these girls is a murder suspect is to suggest that they would kill to get the crown.
This board needs to take the position that none of these girls would ever hurt each other.
That they are sisters.
Yes! Yes! That is the headline that you want, right? Uh, what if What if we were able to turn all these "Dead Pageant Girl" headlines upside down? Yes.
We could plan an event.
One that would show that we are united in this tragedy - as a community.
- Hm.
What exactly do you have in mind? A memorial for Roxy? Why does everything have to be about her? I was thinking more like a dance-a-thon.
The more you can champion your dear departed friend, the harder it will be for people to think that you could have murdered her.
Okay, but what if Stella Rose really is after me? What are the odds she doesn't show up to her own daughter's memorial? If she killed Roxy, she's definitely not showing up.
And if she does, at least we're smoking her out.
There's not a whole lot she can do in front of a huge group of people.
- What are you doing? - Tracking Christian's phone.
Seeing if his dad ever texted him back.
And? Looks like we're good.
Great.
Great.
So I will lock down a location for Roxy's memorial and pull the permits.
You get the pageant girls together and brainstorm a gimmick, something that'll make the whole event go viral.
[SCOFFS.]
You really think I can get all these girls to work together like sisters? Of course you can.
We just urbay an odybay.
How much harder can this be? Hey, you heard anything from Magnolia yet? No.
Why? Well, because I went to go visit her in the hospital and it seemed like Bob Barnard didn't really want me there.
Well, why would he want to see the ex of his current boyfriend unless the three of you are a thing? Yeah, we're not.
[SIGHS.]
Brick Brick, your Your dad and I are getting a divorce.
Wow! - Okay.
- I just want you to know that none of this is your fault.
Trust me, I know.
Yeah, you guys royally messed this one up.
[PHONE CHIMES.]
I gotta go.
Patty needs my help.
- We're not done talking about this yet.
- I am.
[SIGHS.]
[REPORTER.]
Last night, tragedy struck at the Miss Northeastern Georgia Dreams Pageant.
I was there to cover it all.
We're outside the Miss Northeastern Georgia Dreams Pageant, and they're about to announce the winner.
- Shortly after, Miss Northeastern - Magnolia? was found strangled in her dressing room.
Thank you so much for doing this.
I think I saw my friend's daughter on TV last night, and she's having a hard time remembering where she was right after the pageant, so I'm hoping you can help.
[MAN.]
Yeah.
Oh, that's her.
That's her right there.
- That's her.
Can you play that through? - Sure.
[CORALEE.]
Okay.
And three, two Peekaboo! [LAUGHING.]
[MAGNOLIA.]
Peekaboo! [REPORTER.]
And three, two - Ahh! - [HONKS.]
[MAN.]
Whoa! Slow down! Okay.
Well, at least we know how she lost her memory.
I just wish I knew if she was outside at the exact moment her sister was murdered.
Easy enough to find out.
- Here.
- What do you - You see that timecode? - Yeah.
- Tells you the time I shot it.
- Okay.
You'd have to go to the police and find out time of death.
Can you email this to me? Yeah.
Hang on.
[PATTY.]
Getting these girls on the same page was harder than walking in four-inch heels, so I called in reinforcements.
[GIRLS TALKING.]
matching anymore.
I mean, we're matching! - I came as soon as I got your text.
- What were you doing in my bushes? Well I was ringing your doorbell for, like, five whole minutes.
It's been broken for months.
Why didn't you just knock? I didn't think of it.
You said you needed my help.
So, what's up? Yeah.
It's these pageant girls.
I'm supposed to get them to work together as a team, but they can't even agree on what to order for lunch.
- I'm allergic to dairy.
- I can only eat gluten free.
- I'm a pescatarian.
- This isn't about religion, Heather.
So you want me to order some food No.
Um You're the captain of the wrestling squad.
How do I get these girls to start acting like a team? Well [CLICKS FINGERS.]
This one time just before semifinals, the coach took us out to a ropes course.
He made us do a bunch of team-building exercises.
Maybe that would work.
Uh - I don't know.
- Let me give it a shot.
- Hey, ladies.
- Hello, blue eyes.
You guys feel like doing something fun today? Great.
Okay.
Follow me.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- You know, I love doing fun things.
Clothing optional.
I needed us to act like sisters, and sisters share.
Brick, I see you've met Heather Christina Pamela Kendell.
Jackson-Johnson.
Heather, this is Brick.
I'm riding with you.
Then again, sisters don't share everything.
- See you! - Bye, cute! Fun! - Thank you.
- Bye, honey.
Do you want my number? Brick, hang on.
We'll catch up with you guys.
What's up? I wanted to say thank you.
[SONG PLAYING.]
[MAGNOLIA.]
I love you.
Well, the good news is, this exonerates Magnolia Barnard.
The bad news is, she definitely has some substance abuse problems.
And she's really annoying.
So you'll take her off your list of suspects? Well, she couldn't be in two places at the same time.
And, according to the timecode on the video, she was in the parking lot during the entire window the victim could have been murdered.
Will you tell her father? Or can I? He'll be so relieved.
- I'll call him the first chance I get.
- Okay, great.
Thank you so much.
- Thank you.
- Okay, bye.
Well, so much for Magnolia Barnard.
We should have taken Patty Bladell into custody when we had the chance.
With what evidence? Where are we with the murder weapon? Roxy's pageant sash was the only one missing, and so far, there's no sign of it.
Keep looking.
At least with Patty Bladell out there, she's bound to screw up sooner or later.
All we have to do is keep an eye on her.
And the second runner-up, too.
Heather Christina Pamela John Wayne Gacy or whatever her name is.
She's the one that found the body.
How do we know she didn't do the deed? [BRICK.]
You step in like she did, Patty.
Brick, will you strap this on me, please? Does this go between my legs? Excuse me, Brick.
Cinch me.
[BRICK.]
Yeah, squat it.
There you go.
Done.
- [WOMAN.]
Could be a little tighter.
- [BRICK.]
This is excellent.
Good job.
That's how we're doing it ladies, yeah? [CHEERING.]
Come on out.
Okay.
One step at a time.
- [BRICK.]
Come on out.
Steady at the top.
- Slow and steady wins the race.
- Did I do it? - Easy does it.
- You're good.
- Okay.
- Do I look pretty? - You're gorgeous, Faith Anne! - [WOMAN.]
Baby steps! - Okay.
[GASPS.]
Okay.
[BRICK.]
Looking good.
Looking good! - We're gonna be fine.
- Yeah! - Steady.
- [BRICK.]
That's right.
Come on.
Just hold on tight.
Keep calm.
[WOMAN.]
Almost there.
[SCREAMING.]
Damn it, Faith Anne! Does anyone know the pH of this mud pit? - God! - So expensive.
No.
After you.
Fuck this.
I am not crossing jack shit, especially not with her attached to my ass.
Who knows what might go wrong? What's that supposed to mean? You need me to spell it out for you, Patty "I killed Roxy" Bladell? Shut up, Heather Christina Pamela Neil Patrick Harris.
Ladies! We are supposed to be on the same team.
Team, my ass! She can suck my dick.
[GRUNTING.]
[BRICK.]
All right Don't hit my boyfriend! What is going on? [BRICK.]
I was trying to help.
It worked for the wrestling team.
Pageant girls are not wrestlers.
At least they're not supposed to be.
You cannot show your rage like this.
It just makes you look more guilty.
I'm sorry, Vicky Cristina Barcelona.
Team building works differently for teammates than it does for competitors, not to mention boys and girls.
Right.
I guess I forgot what an expert you are at relationships between men and women.
- What's that supposed to mean? - You're divorcing Mom.
She wasn't supposed to tell you that with me not there.
Yeah, when are you ever there? I don't really feel like being around my dad right now.
You good if I get out of here? Yeah, and call me later? [PATTY.]
You're gonna let him go? Sometimes you just have to let things cool off, or you'll end up making them worse.
God damn it! I broke a nail.
You know, I cannot believe we let ourselves get talked into this.
And for what? To celebrate Roxy? She sucked.
- She was a total ho-bag.
- Tell me about it.
She screwed my ex-boyfriend before we broke up.
- She did the same thing to me.
- [GIRL GASPS.]
Are you thinking what I'm thinking? These harnesses make everyone's asses look huge? No! That the way to bond you all together is through your common enemy, Roxy Graham.
[WOMAN.]
That horse-face bareback buckaroo-ed my boyfriend.
Everybody, listen up.
If we don't get on the same page and make this memorial a success, then none of us gets crowned, and nobody gets their scholarships, and worst of all, Roxy gets the last word.
That dead bitch! Uh-huh! But we're not gonna let that happen, are we? We are gonna make this memorial the biggest, baddest, fuck you to Roxy Graham.
Well, I meant No, use Roxy to find common ground, not turn the memorial into a hate-fest.
It's supposed to be heartfelt.
Okay, so we'll keep the fuck you part subtle.
Just go with it.
- All right, what did Roxy hate? - The color yellow.
Being outside.
- Death.
- Yes.
What else? - Sand in her crotch? - Music.
That's not a thing.
People don't hate music.
Roxy did.
She couldn't stand it, said it gave her a migraine.
[GASPS.]
I know what we can do.
We'll do a musical number.
We can sing it live at the memorial.
It'll go viral, like "We Are the World!" We are the what? It's only the single greatest moment in pop music history.
Um I was bored.
Who was the guy who looks like Michael Jackson only black? Can we order sushi? Okay, maybe it needs to be updated.
Does anyone know anybody who can write a song? [PATTY.]
Nonnie's songwriting skills were even better than her singing voice.
I wanted it to feel like Music and Lyrics, but there was still too much tension from our last conversation.
Why aren't you eating your lunch? I don't know.
Why wouldn't I be? Look I've been thinking about our conversation, and you're right.
About me not having an eating disorder? No, that it's partially my fault.
I've been enabling you by being your binge buddy and not saying anything when I know it wasn't good for you.
And I'm sorry.
But I'd like to make it up to you.
I've been doing some research, and there are a lot of ways to get help, like outpatient treatments and 12 steps Okay, you really want to make it up to me? Just help me write this song.
I hoped focusing on the crown would help me stop wanting to eat.
But I just stopped eating in front of other people.
In the meantime, we taught the girls the song.
We spread the word.
I even got the Chois to donate food.
And I did my best to smile pretty and make sure I got that crown.
- It's good.
- Hm.
- I have notes.
- No! Sorry.
We don't have time.
We have bigger problems.
Nobody's coming.
They think it's too morbid.
That is so not true.
Okay.
Well, how are we supposed to change the headlines if nobody bothers showing up? It's the modern age.
Facts are fungible.
We don't need people to actually be there.
We just need everyone to think that it's a big event and for our song to go viral.
We'll blast it on social media.
Okay, but everyone is still trolling us on social media.
How can we be sure this isn't gonna make everything worse? We just need an ace in the hole Someone who can spin us a positive headline.
Patty, I'd like to introduce you to a former client of mine, Miss Laurie Hightower.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Nice to meet you.
Laurie is not just the face of WVJJ News, she is also a former Miss North Dakota.
She has a soft spot for beauty pageants, so she has promised to give this event - a fair and balanced story.
- [PATTY.]
Oh! Um What if it doesn't go well? You know what they say.
Any publicity is good publicity.
- How are you feeling? - [SIGHS.]
Totally freaked out.
Have you seen Stella Rose anywhere? No, but I have seen Detective Cruz and Officer Greg, so if she shows up, you will be well protected.
- Okay.
- Well, this isn't much of a turnout.
It is the quality of the people that count, not the quantity.
I sure hope you have something great up your sleeve to change those headlines.
We do.
You can count on it.
- Hey, Patty.
- [CHUCKLES.]
I just wanted to wish you good luck.
That's really sweet.
- And what about me? - This isn't about you.
Bye.
- Excuse me.
- Hm-mm.
Hi, Coralee.
Guess what? I got an investor for my own line, Tampoozle.
I'm about to become your biggest competition.
What are you talking about now? - Think you heard me.
- Coralee - Rude! - We need to talk.
Alone.
I thought you guys liked having a third.
Small town.
People talk.
You just interrupted a very important conversation.
Like the one where you told Brick we were getting a divorce? You should have talked to me first.
Everything okay? Fine, Bob.
I appreciate what you did for Magnolia.
It means the world.
Bob, you need to know.
Patty didn't kill Roxy.
You would say that.
No, actually I believe him, honey.
- You do? - Yeah, it might be the last thing we ever agree on, but I know Patty and she's a lot of things, but she's not a killer.
[PATTY.]
Okay, everyone, please take your seats.
It's time to get started.
[DISTORTION.]
You'd think Stella Rose would be here.
[PATTY.]
I'd like to thank everyone who showed up today to help us memorialize our fallen sister, Roxy Graham.
- Everyone has heard it.
- [DISTORTION CONTINUES.]
Everybody knows this pageant and [DISTORTION.]
murdered Roxy.
Now, I'd like to introduce a song written just for this occasion by Nonnie Thompson.
It's called "Roxy's Lullaby.
" [MELODY STARTS.]
[BOB ARMSTRONG.]
I'd been so focused on the fact that Roxy mistreated Patty that I didn't consider that Roxy was Bob's daughter.
I didn't know how this was gonna go.
Pretty lady dressed in yellow Lemon sunshine in your eyes Now I've gone and lost my mellow Yellow tears fall from the sky I saw your beautiful crown I saw your pretty poses Now the world is crashing down You're a still life with roses Since you are Dead, girl You make me so sad Your life is so rad But now it's over Dead girl We were friends on the first day Now you're gone and it's the worst day I think about your last words See you next Thursday Dead girl You make me so sad Your life was so rad But now it's over Dead girl, you make me so sad Your life was so rad But now it's over Dead girl, you make me so sad Your life was so rad But now it's over Hey, dead girl, can't you see? You'll never be just a dead girl To me [VOCALIZING.]
I'm so sorry.
Is there anything I can do? Don't, Bob.
You've done enough already.
Maybe this was a huge mistake.
I hadn't just hurt Bob and Coralee, I also hurt any chance I had of getting them back.
Bob, look! You make me so sad! You make me so sad! It's getting picked up everywhere.
And hashtag No Pageant Girls Left Behind is trending.
We did it.
[WOMAN.]
Patty Bladell I believe this is yours.
[BOB.]
I had lost everything.
Bob, Brick, Coralee, even myself.
But in this moment, it all felt worth it.
Because if all I had left was Patty, at least she was a queen.
This is the real you.
No dead bodies.
No murder.
Just beautiful.
[PATTY.]
I wanted to celebrate.
Where the hell was the Ween Mobile? [NONNIE.]
Patty Can we talk? Later! I have something I have to take care of.
[REGINA.]
Oh! Oh, Dixie! Oh! My baby! My baby girl! Just when things were starting to look up, Dixie came back.
The only person I hated more than Roxy.
Hello! [BRAKES SCREECHING.]
[REGINA.]
God! [SCREAMS.]
Oh, shit! Was there another dead girl?