InSecurity (2011) s02e02 Episode Script

Hm.
H-A-P-2-B-F-R-E.
That plate's come up a few times.
- Happy to be free.
- Pardon me? It's a vanity plate.
That's amazing.
How did you I like word jumbles, and I'm slightly dyslexic.
Oh.
Okay, here's another one.
Ready? R-U-N Are you envious? Whoa, didn't even finish.
This is like a superpower.
No, it's a learning disability.
I've largely overcome it.
Okay, here's a hard one.
W- L-K-L-4-P-A.
Double you'll no, wait.
We look for Hm.
Someone's stumped.
Uh, will lick le four must be the guy's name.
No, no.
Wwl ww w-w- will kill for p Will kill for pay! - Nice.
- Ha-hah.
- We should probably track that guy down.
- Mm-hmm.
InSecurity SO2EO2 The Gift of Life Oh, I thought you'd catch that.
- I thought you'd wait for me to look up.
- Oh.
Angela Watson.
We think she's stealing blueprints and selling them to the Chinese.
AeroTask Industries.
Propulsion engineer? Looks like she makes good money.
It's weird that she'd sell tech.
Maybe she needs the moolah to pay for her kid.
She's with child, by the way, no father.
You go out one night without a raincoat, next thing you know you're soaking wet for the rest of your life.
So what do you need from me? I need you to go undercover and buddy up to Angela, Gain her trust.
- Easy.
- At prenatal yoga.
So you'll be pretending to be pregnant.
- Sorry to interrupt, but - Why do I have to be pregnant? Do it as a favour to me, this one time.
Private conversation.
I'll come back later.
I'm gonna go take care of that.
So you're not actually pregnant? Nope.
Let's just let that rumour die.
Everything dies eventually.
You okay, there, Burt? Yeah, I'm just I've never noticed the floor before.
Bleak.
Dark.
Alone.
Excuse me.
JoJo, can you go check on Burt? What if he wants me to hug him? - N'udu, can you go check on Burt? - I'd be delighted.
So, for the Watson case, I'm gonna need a convincing baby bump.
I'll build one, Kevlar, totally custom, better than the real thing.
You might need to- stock your dairy aisle.
Just worry about the bump.
Hello, Burt.
I didn't see you there.
I just came in for some, ah, cooling air.
You're checking on me, right? I just want to let you know, if you need anything, I'm here.
A hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on.
A kidney to transplant? This escalated quickly.
My friend Archie needs a kidney, soon.
Burt, I am so sorry.
He started out as my informant, but he's become so much more.
We play videogames.
We sing songs.
shoot hookers and steal cars.
That's still part of the videogame thing.
Mm, good to know.
He'll die if we don't find a match.
But I'm a stupid AB negative.
He's an O positive.
Is he on a donor list? Yeah, he's near the bottom.
It's tough, because Archie's such a spirited guy.
You give him lemons, he makes lemonade.
I'm afraid there's no lemonade this time.
Burt, there's lemonade in here.
That's urine.
We really need two fridges.
Did you find anything incriminating on Angela Watson? Just access card entry in the middle of the night, top secret blueprints all over her home computer.
She's a bad mama.
Baby brain and corporate espionage don't mix.
There.
You are officially seven and a half months pregnant.
Hah, I like this.
I feel free.
I feel loose.
I feel warm.
Yeah, it's set to your body temperature.
Now, let's see this little guy kick.
Na-aah! I'll have to adjust that.
Thank you.
Special time.
If you say so.
- Reminds me when Helene had our girls.
- Mm.
- Two beautiful girls.
- Mm-hmm.
Then another girl.
Oh, don't get me wrong, I love them all, but it's just it would have been nice to have a boy.
You know, father and son stuff, you know? Yeah.
I wouldn't know much about that.
Papa was gone a lot.
Yep, Ulysses McNeil was too busy to raise his boy.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
Well anyway, yeah, uh - Back to the grind.
- Yeah.
- Welcome, friend.
- Hi.
Sorry.
No worries.
There's no late, no early.
Oh.
Sure.
Oh, we're allowed to eat in here? Best class ever.
The best class ever would be one where I don't have a tiny monster playing the inside of my ribcage like it's an accordion.
I'm just so excited about this class.
Such a great way to meet pregnant people.
My OB made me do it.
- That's thoughtful.
- Oh, he's a jerk.
Uh, is this your first class? I've been coming here for weeks.
Dr.
Cold Fingers said it would relieve the relentless pain in my hips, but So far no luck.
Ow.
If this baby doesn't pop soon, I'm gonna start taking lives.
Wow.
You are just glowing.
BURT: Alex looks puffy in these pictures, eh? JOJO: She's pregnant.
- Really? - Fake pregnant, Kevlar pregnant.
Well, you mighta missed that part.
- Still, it makes you think.
- It does.
About love.
I don't like where this is going.
- Beginnings, endings.
- Burt.
Loneliness.
Kidneys.
Why is it always your best buddy informant? - My blood type is O positive.
- What, are you bragging? I'd like to give Archie one of my kidneys.
I have two.
You'd do that for Archie? No.
But I'll do it for Mrs.
Babatundeh.
During the war in Ligeria, I was knocked unconscious in a farmhouse that was being shelled.
I could have been killed or burnt past recognition.
- Like The English Patient.
- Exactly.
But Mrs.
Babatundeh pulled me out of that farmhouse, like a guardian angel.
She must have been strong.
She was a robust guardian angel.
She saved my life and wanted nothing in return.
Except she said that one day the universe would ask me for a favour.
You are the universe, Burt, and my kidney is that favour.
N'udu, this is Let me be your Mrs.
Babatundeh.
I can still call you N'udu, though, right? Of course.
- Oo, watch the kidneys.
- Sorry.
Namaste.
Phwewf.
That active lying down sure is active.
I'm beat.
You don't look it.
Uh, wanna grab a coffee? I'm pregnant.
A decaf coffee or, um, a nice hot milk? I have to go shopping.
But thanks.
Oh, Uh, weird, 'cause I was gonna shop for cribs.
Did you want to Got one, hand-me-down.
Scraped off the lead paint, good as new.
You could help me choose mine.
I don't wanna hurt your feelings, but I'm gonna go.
My back aches, my boobs weigh five pounds each, and I have no interest in hanging out with a superhuman pregnant Barbie doll.
No offence.
My boobs are heavy too.
We could talk about it.
- Archie's always early.
- He looks so healthy.
And you wouldn't know it to look at him, but he's also got arthritis and rickets.
- Archie.
- That's Archie? Archie.
Arch! Save the top bunk for the Colonel.
You're a damn fine fellow, N'udu.
The doctor says this kidney will let me live 20 more months.
You don't say.
We're gonna make it to the Macy's Day parade again, Burt.
You can count on it, Arch.
This time I'll bring the juice.
How long have you two known each other, again? Oh, Burt and I go back to, uh, what, 2008.
But we've been like a miser and his dime ever since.
He's got a million of these sayings.
This is great.
What a great day.
The air smells a little fresher, don't it? I'm sorry.
I can't do this.
I can't.
I'm sorry! - N'udu! - What'd he say? - My battery's gone out.
- N'udu! Boy, can he run.
Can't wait to get that kidney.
Any issues? Comfort, temperature, chafing from Velcro? No, the prosthetic is fine.
I think I have to be more convincing.
I could give you hormones, but you might grow hair in new places.
Oh.
Maybe I'll just google pregnancy.
FYI, at this stage the real killer is the oncoming freight train of pain.
Labour.
My sister said it's like pushing a - Really? - Yeah.
Check this out.
Oh my God! It's like pushing a 12-pound turkey through a mail slot! But, hey, when it's over, you get a turkey.
- Why do you have that? - I was the videographer.
I'm trying to cut it down to 20 hours, but there's so much good stuff here.
- That's an interesting angle.
- I'm standing on top of the bed.
My sister didn't like it, but you only get one shot.
Miracle of life, right? This part's gonna be in 3D.
Oh, God! Oh.
Oh, oh, okay.
I'm good.
That's it.
Oh! Whoa! JoJo, get that microphone out of my face! Judge approved extending surveillance on Angela Watson.
Oh, great.
Ow.
Paper cut.
Oh.
Need a bandage.
I saw one somewhere.
Mm, I'm fine.
It's okay.
Just a sec.
Ow! - Hold still.
- That really stings.
There you go.
- Feel better? - Yeah.
Thanks.
Now, keep it clean.
I will.
See, Burt, sometimes when something is past its prime, you have to respectfully let it go, no matter how much it hurts.
And sometimes things are even better when they've matured.
- Is this potato soup good or should I throw it out? - Save it.
As harsh as it sounds, I think it's ready for the garbage.
How could you say that? If you knew the soup as well as I do, you'd know it's got a few good slurps left in it.
Look, it has a grey skin on it, - Just like - Mmm-mmm-mmm.
Just needs a little pepper to help it out, and a generous donation of salt.
Salt is precious and should not be wasted on old soup.
Are you guys dating? No.
I am trying to show N'udu here that leftover soup can be a vital, contributing member of of the fridge.
Okay.
How about this sandwich? I'll take it.
The perfect complement to my soup.
Oh.
Oh, ouch.
Oh.
You okay? Oh, yeah, just my hips.
Tell me about it.
I wanted to apologize for being so peppy the other day.
I think I took too much folic acid.
I'm the one who should apologize.
You were delightful.
- I hissed at you.
- You did? - You were looking the other way.
- Oh.
- Can I make a confession? - Of course.
I'm terrified of labour.
Me too.
- And I'm not sure if I like babies.
- They're idiots.
Everyone's treating me strangely.
I look like a house.
I've never felt worse in my life.
Burt's in the bathroom, sobbing and vomiting.
- What's that about? - It's a long story.
But it ends with me not giving his friend, Archie, a kidney.
Archie.
His informant? Must be a hundred now.
I offered him my kidney before I knew that and now I don't want to give it to him.
Well, what good would it do? N'udu, - Do you remember Dragoslav Cheminsky? - Yeah.
He was an old CIA informant.
Worked for 25 years, and gave them nothing.
Exactly.
- But one day - Please, no.
One day he handed the CIA the intel they needed to defuse the Cuban Missile Crisis.
Dragoslav Cheminsky prevented World War III.
I was really hoping you would talk me out of it.
I'll go see Burt.
So, I figured, men suck.
Who needs them? Might as well opt for the turkey baster.
But it does get lonely sometimes.
You must just wanna throw yourself into your work to take the focus off the pregnancy.
Ah, I wish.
My baby brain's outta control.
One day I can't find my security pass, the next day it's on my desk.
Oh, I know, just trying to manage everything.
Mm.
There's one guy at work, Garry, he's been pretty helpful.
Found my security pass more than once.
He even cat sits for me sometimes.
- Oh.
At your place? - Mm, my place, his place.
He's pretty flexible as cat sitters go.
- Ooh! - Oo-oh! Ooh! - I'm so sorry.
- Oh, good.
Yeah, I'm fine.
The baby kicked.
Are you okay? Uh, that's not a human stomach.
Oh, you Yes it is.
It kicks too.
Aw, sure, you don't kick now.
- Who are you? - Angela, listen.
- I knew you were a weirdo.
- I can explain.
I don't wanna hear about your weirdo pregnant friend fetish.
I hate you.
It gets worse.
No wonder it didn't work.
The tea shorted out the singing fish.
Now I'm sorry I cut your budget.
Oh, hey, singing fish.
I used to have one of those in my office.
I gotta go.
Burt wanted me to fill out an organ donor card.
I'm thinking we shoulda got Diane on the third floor to do this.
She's pregnant, I think.
She wears a lot of empire waistlines.
It's Debra.
She's not.
And I can't believe you know what an empire waistline is.
Anyway, another set of blueprints from AeroTask has been compromised.
Angela Watson needs to be hauled in and grilled.
- She's being framed.
- Come on.
I think one of her coworkers stole her security pass.
Plus, he had access to her home.
Angela's innocent.
I can feel it in my gut, my non-pregnant gut.
You've got 24 hours to implicate this guy.
After that, we're bringing in Angela Watson and anyone growing inside her.
Pretty sure the baby's innocent.
I don't trust anything that can breathe under water.
Ladies, shall we try this again? Looks like someone's had her baby.
Yeah, yeah, beautiful birth, no drugs, best day of my life.
You, come with me.
You need to listen to me.
I don't need to do anything.
You lied to me.
I had to.
I work for NISA.
You're a psycho.
Garry is trying to frame you for some serious crimes.
NISA needs your help.
We need to clear your name and bring Garry down.
I don't know.
Do it for the beautiful girl you're about to give birth to.
- Girl? - Oh, sorry.
That was in your file.
You didn't know? No.
Congratulations.
Please help us.
We'd be eternally grateful.
- Like high-end stroller grateful? - Definitely.
A year's supply of diapers grateful? I don't even know how much that would be, but sure.
I'm also gonna need a nanny.
N'UDU: Mrs.
Babatundeh would be so proud.
BURT: How will I ever thank you? Well, I'll need regular checkups and an annual detox.
I know, with a thank you card.
Hi.
We're here for Archie.
- We just heard from Alex.
- What's the situation? Thanks.
She met with Angela Watson.
She's willing to play ball.
Ooo.
Perfect.
Things are looking up, uh? Aw, man.
It's okay.
You can have mine.
Oh, it's okay.
I'll get another one.
No, no, no, no.
Here, have a toonie.
You know what? I got this.
Okay.
We were so excited about the surgery that we decided to take Archie to O'Shammy's for a pint.
But when the bell rang for last call, Norman, here, ordered a round of jellied shooters.
They're easier on the gums.
Not on the kidneys, Norman, not on the kidneys.
How many times do I have to say sorry? Wait.
What happened? Archie figured that one more shot wouldn't kill him.
He was incorrect.
Archie.
He can't be dead.
I was giving him my kidney today.
It was karma, it was fate.
The Babatundian logic was infallible.
If you need to punch someone What I need is to pay back the universe.
Either of you need a kidney? Can you do a prostate? I think I need that.
All you need to do is butter Garry up a little, and then, bam, go for the jugular.
Tell him you know what he's been up to and you want your cut.
Maybe I'll play up the single mother thing.
"I'm alone.
I need the money, I'm " Uh-oh.
- What? - I can't do this.
You can.
You've just got cold feet.
Actually, she's got wet feet.
- My water just broke.
- You take her.
What about Garry? He's gonna be here any second.
Leave Garry to me.
- Hey! - What? You Garry? No.
Yes.
No.
I what did I do? You think you can go around knocking people up? I was young.
I was in a band.
I'm talking about my daughter, Angela.
I had nothing to do with Angela's pregnancy.
Like hell you didn't! No, no, it's not like that.
We-we're just friends.
Friends don't put their penises into each other.
What? Oh, well, that came out wrong.
No, no, I-I feed her cat.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh, that's sweet.
I could never be mad at you.
Hey, come on.
Come on, come on.
Oh, oh, okay.
, You know, I'm so worried about her and I'm-I'm-I'm so sorry.
Okay.
Okay.
Uh, it was nice to meet you.
All right.
See you later.
Hm? Okay.
Don't panic.
I know someone who knows someone who had a baby.
I watched part of the video.
It's a piece a cake.
Was it anything like the video? It was different.
It was loud, it was messy, - and only from one angle.
- That sucks.
No, it was so beautiful.
I do like my nephew.
He's pretty sweet.
Well, I gotta go turn a baby bump into a knapsack.
I heard your friend had her thing.
- Her baby, yes.
- Hm.
- What'd she name it? - Emily.
- Okay.
- It means little rival.
- She was a kicker.
- Hm.
Well, glad to see you back, un-pregnant.
Not that I have a problem with pregnancy.
- Everyone has a different take - I guess my problem with pregnancy is that I've lost a lot of great spies to mat leave.
You know, the truth is The real enemy of national security isn't terrorism.
It's babies.
Again, I'd like to side with the babies on this one.
But you should know, I have no plans of becoming a mother.
Didn't think so.
Well, not right away.
What'd you say? Good night.
Oh, Peter, Alex's right about Garry.
I used his pass card to get into AeroTask and copied his files.
Contact list of buyers, blueprints, the works.
Mm.
Thanks.
That's great.
Well, it's all Alex, uh? Oh, is that the game? Ah, yeah.
Yeah.
I guess we're gonna have to return that baby bump we rented.
Hey, where do baby bumps come from, anyway? - JoJo made that bump.
- Really? Mm-hmm.
Well, how did she make a baby bump? Ah, it's complicated.
For another time, maybe.
I just wanna know how baby bumps are made.
Well, you know, when a woman like JoJo loves a job very much, uh - Okay.
- Mm-hmm.
- I should get going.
- Sure.
- It was good working with you today.
- Likewise.
- Yeah.
We'll see ya.
- Yeah.
Bye.
And don't sit too close to the TV.
I won't.
Subtitle by: Kiasuseven