Jeeves and Wooster s02e02 Episode Script

Good afternoon, Mr Fink-Nottle.
Mr Wooster is not at home, but perhaps I can get you some refreshments.
I've got the most frightful problem.
I can't sleep thinking about it.
- I'm frightened of Sir Watkyn Bassett.
- Your prospective father-in-law, sir? A week ago, I realised that I'd have to make a speech at the wedding breakfast Perhaps I can be of assistance, sir.
He was lucky to get away with that shot.
Howzat! - That wasn't out! - Oh, yes, it was, Stiffy.
Er, two leg, please, Umpire.
Oh, I say, Gussie's changed.
All wight.
Righty-oh.
Howzat! Is he saying I'm out? That was Every citizen has a right when issued with a British bicycle thus assured of a mobile workforce I say.
That's a jolly good idea, Jeeves.
That soh of thing really makes you think, doesn't it, Jeeves? The working masses.
Look, Harold.
There's Uncle Watty over there.
- About us getting married, of course! - Well, yes.
But here? Was he? - Harold wants to talk to you, Uncle.
- What? - We want to get married.
- Married? You and Stephanie? Oh, well played! Well played.
You were absolutely hopeless.
That was a no-ball.
I am talking to you, Constable Oates.
Was you addressing me, miss? Cehain people with dogs.
If you really loved me, you'd do something about that man.
You'll never be a bishop.
That was never out.
Stop the car, Behie.
Oi! Clear the road! You watch where you're going, mister! Gussie, I don't know how to put this, but you've changed.
Uh-huh.
Imagine what it was like contemplating making a speech That man is a marvel, Behie! - You wrote it down, sir? - Yah.
In a little notebook.
No, I Now - Now, Gussie.
Stop.
- When's the next train? Well, I had it in my pocket when I was playing tennis.
We need more chairs, Butterfield.
There are 400 guests.
And it might fall into the hands of your uncle.
Of course, one wishes you all the luck in the world, but I don't quite see Er, Stiffy What is it, Jeeves? Curious objects? They're handkerchiefs, Jeeves.
Handkerchiefs.
I'm worried he might do something rash and upset the applecah.
Yes? - Oh, Gussie! - I've brought you a newt! - You'd better come in.
- They make wonderful pets.
Really? Shall I lay out one of your novelty handkerchiefs for you today, sir? I fear I am not at libehy to elucidate.
It's all over.
- You took her a newt? - I thought it might soften her up.
You thought a newt might soften her up? Piano) - What ho, Madeline? - Playing continues) I will be your wife, Behie.
Now, I'd better go and tell Daddy to announce our engagement at the ball.
No, well Let's leave it till later.
Jeeves? What am I going to do, Jeeves? It occurs to me wonder that if Miss Bassett were to see for herself Right, Jeeves, you take the wardrobe.
I'll deal with the chest of drawers.
- Jeeves? - Er, sir? - Did you speak, Jeeves? - No, sir.
You're surely not frightened of a tiny little dog, Jeeves.
What ho, Stiffy? I expect you're surprised to see us here.
Yes, it would.
- Oh, come now, Stiffy! - Don't you "oh, come now" me! I got to the rectory then I'm glad I found out in time! Don't talk to me about notebooks now! Come in! Madeline, what can I do for you? Behie Wooster? No! Oh, dear God, Madeline, not that! Now look at them.
- One tries to keep cheerful, you know.
- Does one? After you've seen Uncle Watkyn.
Keep a general lookout, Oates.
There's always a few gate-crashers.
Have you ever thought about love, Sir Watkyn? I just want to say that you'll not be losing a niece, but gaining a nephew.
But I thought it was my daughter.
What was? My daughter distinctly told me that you and she were Madeline? No, no, no, no, no, no.
It's Stiffy all right.
Stephanie.
Yes.
But Are you absolutely sure about that, sir? What do you mean, we're engaged? Parsnips Something umbrellas.
Brussels sprouts! Something.
Something, something, something.
Erm, yes, what is it, Stephanie? It's about me and Mr Pinker.
But I have something you might be interested to see.
- What's he coming as? - Sir Walter Raleigh.
Same as last year.
Where would you like these two? What is it? Harold.
Harold! Harold! My dream of joy! Aaaarghhh! Come out, you putrid little eahhworm! Well, upon my word, Spode, this is too much.
Yes, erm, give me that book, Spode.
I'm going to tear your head from off your shoulders! - Are you going to keep the book? - I am.
Cehainly not.
All you do now is pop off.
Gussie, your troubles are over.
Gussie, how could you? Shall we take the poultry and roast beef to the buffet tent now, Miss Madeline? - I'm in the middle of an experiment.
- Touched them? Hello, Butterfield, you look well.
Good evening.
I ticked him off.
Called him every name I could think of.
Am I to gather that Sir Watkyn was about to bathe when he found your creatures? Swing) Darling, you look lovely.
Youuuu Did you see that Fink-Nottle come this way? - Did you see Fink-Nottle on the way up? - No.
Will in no way tarnish your enjoyment, sir.
Is the prisoner not to be allowed a moment of forgetfulness I'm sorry, sir.
It was thoughtless of me.
Is something amiss, Jeeves? Can I be of assistance? Mm.
It means that one could give over the entire area of Gloucestershire Fink-Nottle! I'm going to ram that notebook of yours down your throat! Augustus thinks I'm cross with him.
Ahhh! He's got it somewhere, Sir Watkyn, sir.
Sir W Bassett, you never spoke a truer word.
Er on the other hand, one mustn't take too harsh a view.
- Hi.
- Behie! Oh, don't be such a crosspatch! It all worked out perfectly.
Hail Spode! Er, Mr Spode, sir? Just one word, sir.
What is it? The one word, sir, You're free to go now.
By the way, Barmy, did you pay my bail? Er, what ho.
Carry on, men.
What are you doing here, Wooster? I distinctly told Oates to I was going to keep quiet about it Well it appears I owe you an apology, Mr Wooster.
Thank you.
Goodbye, Bassett.
I need scarcely say, I think, that I hope this will be a lesson to you.
- Eulalie again, Jeeves? - Indeed, sir.
There isn't anyone else I can use it on, is there? Stop the car! Stop! - Love will find a way.
- No, it's my newts I'm worried about.
- Have you ever been to Gussie's place? - No, what's it like? Good Lord! It's Spode.
It doesn't suit him, does it? Well, sir, seeing that you have discovered pah of the matter, Good Lord.
Well, no wonder he didn't want it to come out.
Yes, you can't be a successful dictator and design women's underclothing.
One or the other.
Not both.
Thank you, sir.
I destroyed them last night.
Oh, did you, by Jove? Well, very good, then, Jeeves.