Justice League Unlimited s02e02 Episode Script

What are you, the world's greatest escape artist or the world's greatest idiot? For cryin' out loud, Scott, not even you can get out of this trap.
That's what I like about you, Oberon.
Your incurable optimism.
Stop distracting him and get the canister.
I hate to admit this, but Oberon has a point.
Don't worry, darling, they don't call me Mr.
Miracle for nothing.
First rule of show business: never believe your own publicity.
Craziest stunt you ever pulled.
That's why we're rehearsing it.
Kid's got an answer for everything.
Let's hope the train's running late today.
Leave it to Scott Free to find the newest wrinkles.
He's sure given me a few.
Scott? Scott! O, ye of little faith.
Scott, I thought you were dead.
You insufferable showboat.
I thought you were dead.
When are you and Oberon gonna learn that-- Hey, where is Oberon? Don't worry, dumpling, he's safe and sound in Granny's loving care.
Of course, if you ever want to see the old runt alive again, you'll do exactly as Granny says.
Granny Goodness.
I'll kill you, you demented old gargoyle! Barda, I'm not gonna let your temper cost us Oberon's life.
I knew you wouldn't let her hurt your old granny, Scott.
What do you want? Life on Apokolips has become very difficult since great Darkseid vanished.
Dear Granny has tried her best to bring order to our world.
You mean, you've been trying to take over.
But there are others who seek to thwart Granny's good intentions.
Verman Vundabar.
That awful, awful man.
You know that he's actually imprisoned Darkseid's son, poor dimwitted Kalibak, in hopes of legitimizing his claim to the throne? Why, he's probably brainwashing the poor creature right now.
Bending him to his will.
Like you're not planning the same thing.
What do you want? Oh, it's nothing, really.
Granny just needs you to break into the place where Kalibak is being held, and then bring him to Granny's orphanage, where he can get proper care.
If we do that, we'll be handing you control of Apokolips.
Exactly.
But if you find that prospect distasteful, wait till you see what Oberon looks like when I send him back to you, piece by piece.
Where is Kalibak? On Apokolips, of course.
In the X Pit.
Why, you're not afraid of the pit, are you, Scott? No, I'm not afraid.
Can it hurt them to show me just a little respect? Tell me about it.
I've been at this longer than you have, they still treat me like comic relief.
Better than being treated like a teenage sidekick.
I mean, I was one of the original seven.
Tell me the truth, Ralph.
Do I seem immature to you? Not in the least.
Aah! I bopped your block off! Tha-- That's not fair.
The green guy's arms are longer.
Are not.
Hey, isn't that Mr.
Miracle and what's her name? Big Bertha? I didn't even know they were in the League.
But there's so many of us now, it's hard to-- No, they're not in the League.
I'm sure of it.
And this Granny Goodness picked you because I'm the only one who ever escaped the X Pit.
Yeah, but what's--? Please, Flash.
And if you refuse her request? Oberon dies.
Down, dear.
We've only got 24 hours, and we need help.
Well, I'd be happy to-- Super fast, invulnerable help.
Superman's on a mission in deep space.
But even if he weren't, it makes no sense for the League to help another dictator come to power on Apokolips.
A dictator who could eventually threaten Earth, just as Darkseid did.
Better to let them fight among themselves than attack the rest of the universe.
Why, you green-skinned, beetle-browed, arrogant, son of a-- What Barda means is, what about Oberon? He's been like a second father to me.
I'm truly sorry.
I thought we were all about helping people.
And would you have us help three people at the expense of billions more? Well, no, but-- You need to look at the big picture, Wally.
Well, excuse me for opening my big, dumb mouth.
We don't need these cowards.
We can do it on our own.
Great news, Bertha, you don't have to.
Barda.
Isn't that what I said? And we don't require your assistance.
We appreciate the offer, Flash, but-- Unless you've got an S on your chest, you're useless.
Hey, I may not be as strong as Superman, but I'm just as fast.
Maybe faster.
Friends? Maybe we can use you.
Kalibak, Kalibak, Kalibak.
I have used every vile punishment, every known torture, and still you refuse to join Verman Vundabar's noble cause.
You're about as noble as my armpit.
Very well.
You've forced me to my last resort.
Cake.
Mm.
Oh, did I say that was my last resort? My mistake.
I have one more.
Enjoying Granny's hospitality? Oh, blow it out your shorts, you goose-steppin' harpy.
I would speak to Granny with just a tad more respect.
Because soon I will be ruler of all Apokolips.
You always been this deluded, or is it just since senility set in? Oh, you wound Granny.
But not as deeply as Granny is going to wound you.
Should've brought my sunscreen.
Over there.
That's where the X Pit is housed and Kalibak with it.
Not that I mind the exercise, but couldn't your boob tube have transported us any closer? It's "boom tube.
" And don't you think we would have come in closer if we could have? Vundabar's technology disrupts the time-space field of the tubes.
Otherwise, we would have just boomed Kalibak out of the pit, right? Oh.
Right.
Why do I get the feeling those puppies haven't had their shots? So let's give 'em a few.
Not bad.
She always this free with the compliments? Come on.
So do we just knock, or? It's It's all different.
Why, Scott, why? All of the others obey Granny, love Granny, but you, you just keep trying to escape.
And I'll never stop.
Scott? Change of plans.
You two stay put out here.
I'll go in and get Kalibak.
No way.
I'm coming too.
We both are.
Listen to me.
They've changed the whole architecture of this place since the last time I was here.
All my plans are out the window.
Who needs plans? I've always been a spontaneous kind of guy.
Neither of you signed on for this.
Actually, I did, the day I married you.
Well, I'm not that committed, but I'm with ya.
All right, then, into the pit.
Ah, this should be a magnificent show, even if I already know the ending.
So you two grew up around here? This cesspool of a world was all I knew.
I was one of Granny's blind and brainwashed puppets until Scott cut my strings.
Robots.
I love smashing robots! No, you've got something more important to do.
Search this prison and find Kalibak.
Will you two be all--? Okay.
Come on, ugly, move that hairy butt.
It's humiliating to be rescued by your enemy.
As humiliating as being Verman Vundabar's pet? Well, if it isn't my treacherous stepbrother.
And his cow.
Arrogant worm.
How dare you-- Knock it off! What are you guys, I can't believe I'm the mature one here.
He's right.
We've got bigger problems.
Indeed you do, fools.
Much bigger.
And, oh, how I will delight in watching you fail.
Very interesting.
But futile.
The enemy of my enemy is my friend.
At least for the moment.
Again and again you try, Scott.
And again and again Granny stops you.
Give up.
Give in to hate and hopelessness.
Give in to Granny.
I'd rather die.
If that's your preference.
Go! Come on, Scott.
Scott.
Scott! Enjoying your bath, Mr.
Miracle? Here at Casa de Vundabar, we provide everything, including your very last breath.
Oh.
You think you're so special, Scott.
That you're different from Granny's other children.
But you're not.
If anything, you're just a little slower.
You see, they learned years ago that their lives are meaningless, that hope is a lie.
And you've just figured it out.
No, you're the liar.
There's always hope.
You'll never escape.
Yes, I will! He'll get me out of this.
I know he'll get me out of this.
Don't worry, he gets out of everything, right? So far.
Saved by a female.
Guess you better drop him.
Kidding! Got room for one more? There's a shortcut at the bottom.
Wait a minute, how did you get out of that water thing? Trade secret.
The whole world is a prison, you dum-dums, and escape is not an option.
Voilà, the way out.
Now what? Now we make miracles.
No, no, no, allow me.
Flash! What? Don't be so cocky.
Vundabar's not done with us yet.
Hope you're happy.
Indeed, I am.
Shouldn't we--? And spoil their fun? There's only one way to stop them now.
Blow up the entire complex! Ten, nine, eight, seven, Not liking the sound of that.
six, five, four, three, two, one.
Oh, Scott, you didn't let Granny down.
When I heard the X Pit had been destroyed, I thought for certain you and dear Kalibak were lost.
How did you manage to get out? Ask him.
Trade secret.
Enough of this.
Where is Oberon? Ah, yes, that mouthy little pip-squeak was very rude to Granny.
And he's going to be taught a lesson.
See? What did I tell you? People are so predictable.
Try not to think about where you've got Oberon hidden.
Darkseid's old palace.
I'll guide you.
He's safe.
Good, because now I can I'm sorry, but you can't.
The power struggle must continue here.
A curse on both their houses.
Indeed.
Feel free to applaud at any time.
Aw, it's good to see you, old friend.
It's good to see me too.
All the trouble we had to go through because of you.
All legs and no heart.
You're just too far away to hear it.
How? Granny never failed with any of them.
How did she fail with him? Oh, one last thing.
Flash? Yeah, I know, I know, I went behind your back.
But look how everything turned out.
We boomed back here for you, the switch went off perfectly, and now we've got Kalibak locked up on Earth where neither side can use him.
You don't-- So, yeah, I did go behind your back, but you know what? I'd do it again.
What do you say to that, big guy? I was only going to ask if you wanted to play Brawlin' Bots.
Dibs on the green one.
I wanted the green one.