Karl Pilkington: The Moaning Of Life (2013) s02e02 Episode Script
Identity
Karl Pilkington is travelling the world, seeking answers to more of life's big questions.
Do we need art? This is not a normal way of creating art, this.
What should we do about waste? How should you live your life? God almighty! What is she doing?! What should you do with your limited time on the planet, and how should we treat our bodies? Show time! # "The Rhythm Of Life" - Sammy Davis Jr Am I in charge, or is my arse in charge? In this episode, Karl explores identity.
I know they haven't invented the time machine, but it's like we have.
Can we really change ourselves through fashion? What's your problem? Yeah, I've got pointy boots.
What are YOU wearing? How much do our looks define us? 'This is too try-hard.
' This is, er, shit.
Shit's the word.
And does your gender shape the person you become? Tell you what - every man should experience this, shouldn't he? This is The Moaning Of Life.
There's no fun in this.
What you got there, Karl? Like, a little DNA thing.
I don't quite understand why people want to do this.
I'm only doing this cos you've asked me to.
Are you not interested to find out whether your genetic makeup is font color="#0 What difference does it make? I don't know.
You're not gonna find anything out, because at the end of the day, if it's something good, I would've known about it already.
I'm sure of it.
That word would've stuck with the family.
If I was related to your Einstein or whoever, Gandhi, we'd know.
We would know.
If you could go really, really, really far back, you know, to the point of it's not even human anymore, like some sort of jellyfish, and it's related to you, that would blow my mind a bit, cos we all come from something like that, a little grub somewhere.
That would be amazing.
It's, like, "Fucking hell!" "That's related.
That's related to me.
" That's just a bit of goz.
I'd be better off sending them one of my pillows off my bed, to be honest, cos that's caked in goz.
I haven't had it that long, and it's rank.
You take the pillow case off, looks like sort of giraffe skin, all sort of brown patches.
I should just send that off.
TRAM BELL RINGS 'Am I me because of where I'm from, 'the way I look, the way I speak? 'I suppose all those things 'are things that have made me the way I am, 'so, if I change 'em, do I still feel like me?' I'd say the baldness on me, it's my thing, innit? That's how you can distinguish me from everyone else in a room.
If you were saying, "Look out for Karl, who'll be coming in in a bit," and they went, "What's he look like? How do I know what to look out for?" you would say, "The bald fella.
" 'I think I started to go bald when I was about 2022, I'd say.
' It's fine.
I haven't got any problem with it.
And it's weird that there are people out there who do struggle with it.
Well, today I'm gonna get a taste of what it's like to have my hair back.
'I'm sort of slagging it off, saying I don't need it, 'but I'm gonna give it a go today, get a bit of hair on my head.
' I think it's gonna be a nice thing to experience again, but I can't see it being that much of a big deal for me.
Karl, this is all of the systems that we have.
My God! This is not a wig or a toupee.
This is a hair prosthetic.
This, people tell me, "Curtis, my kids don't know.
" "My wife don't know.
" A lot of people we've done before they got married, so they've actually dated, had a fiancee, got married, and still They don't know?! Because it's so thin, once it's down, you can't feel it or see it.
So you go swimming, you can comb your hair straight back, you can do all of the things that you did when you had hair.
And it's all real hair.
Everything is human hair that we use here.
It is real? It's all real.
All the Asian women grow their beautiful black hair.
They go to the temples.
They shave these ladies, and the hair then is all coloured to American colours, starting with black all the way up to blond, OK? So this used to be on an Asian girl.
Hang on, then.
Say if I'm wearing one of these, and then I do a murder, and they find a hair, who's getting She'll get done for it! So, measuring your face My natural hairline was probably sort of quite Absolutely.
Exactly where I've got my finger at.
This isn't being glued down at the moment? No, cos this has to be cut a lot shorter.
Look at that there! Yeah.
It moves So messed up! It's weird, innit? It's freakin' me out.
HE LAUGHS I mean, it's annoying me how much I like it.
This is what I love this stuff for, because you know what? HE LAUGHS Put it on! Show a guy! I know, but it's not good - I don't have to sell anything.
It sells itself.
Roughly what would I be looking at, price-wise? Roughly $3,500 a year.
And I warn my guys, don't get into this if you can't afford it, because it's very addictive.
Once you see yourself looking better, it's hard to then go back there.
It's like, er It's a garnish for your head, innit? That's what it is.
I always get a bit annoyed with garnish on a plate.
It's, like, "What's that there for?" It's doing nothing.
But that's what this is.
It shouldn't really matter, but it makes a big difference.
'In a way you're going, "I don't want celery.
Who put that there?"' But it just brightens up the plate, and that's what this has done.
And it's not even done yet.
'I'm a bit annoyed that I like it.
' Am I not happy with myself, then? Is that what that means? I was going, "Oh, I'm confident.
I don't need haircuts and all that.
" Yet it is It is good.
Oh, I don't I don't know.
It's messed with my head.
Literally has messed with my head, hasn't it? It's slipping back a bit cos it's not on properly yet, so it's gone a bit sort of, er Is it Ant or Dec? That That is the spit of how I used to look with hair.
That's how I'd have it, like that - even the way it's sort of dangling down on the front.
When I used to go to the barber's, I had very fine, straight hair.
Uh-huh?And the barber used to say I had like the hair of a Ch Yeah.
Now I've got the hair of a China woman.
SHE LAUGHS How weird! I'll tell you what - I know they haven't invented the time machine, but it's like we have.
We've done it.
Mm-hm.
Yeah.
I love it.
I love it.
I love it.
Lightweight.
I like the I mean, look at that there.
That is, like That's not a wig.
That's trendy, innit? You don't see trendy wigs normally.
My eyes look happier and everything.
Yeah.
Your eyes, actually That's one thing I noticed.
I noticed your eyes more with the hair.
I didn't notice your eyes before.
Shittin' hell! Oh, I can't hug myself! I feel a bit, like, "Ooh!" Morning.
Do you do, er, passport photographs? How's the hair looking? Oh, you're good, man.
Yeah? You look good.
Awesome.
Yeah?Good to go.
Just have a little pull.
It's not gonna come off.
Yeah, it's pretty cool.
I like it! Can't tell! Look at this picture! You look much older.
Do I look older than 42? Makes you look younger.
What would you say? How old? I'd guess, like, 33.
That was a real bloke, the first person I've come in contact with since I've had a full head of hair, and he was, like, "You look younger.
Ten years younger," he said.
There's the old one - according to him, really old.
And then there's the new me, with the hair.
It's not a different person, cos I'm the same person, aren't I? But, yeah, I look different.
A lot different.
Yeah, yeah.
You're welcome.
There's so much choice, ain't t Yeah, it's too many.
Too many! What have you What have you got? Brush.
A comb.
Shampoo.
You spray it in your hair, gives it a bit of body.
And I've just got some Haribos, cos I like Haribos.
It's been a good day, really.
I've got hair and I've got Haribos.
I never looked after my hair when I was younger.
Start looking after it now.
I might look after this hair more, because it's not mine.
It's like, when you borrow something, you're more careful, aren't you? I've got some responsibility here, to look after this hair for that Chinese woman I'm never gonna meet.
It's her hair.
Let's look after it.
She's walking around bald now because of me.
So it's showing her just a little bit of respect.
'Has Suzanne seen you with the hair yet?''Not yet.
'/font I'm gonna make it all nice and that, and then send her a picture, and see, er see how she feels about it.
What's your hunch? I think she'll like it.
I mean, it's good, innit? It looks good.
'I mean, it's a worry that she might like it too much, 'and she realises what she's lost all them years ago.
' Tell me what happened.
Um Well, I sent her a photo last night before I went to bed.
I sent it to Suzanne.
I went to bed quite happy.
And she just sent an email back, that I got this morning, cos of the time difference and everything.
Um, hated it.
She just said, "I hate it.
" Well, her words were, "You look like a gormless 35 year old.
" Oh, it's well and truly pissed on the fireworks.
Her main thing was that she's always known me is someone who knows exactly what I want, no messing about, and she seemed disappointed that, somehow, I think, being bald is a bad thing, and I feel stronger with hair.
I think that's what made her go, "Whoa, hang on.
" "Where's this come from?" Because she doesn't like it, now I just wanna get it off.
I was happy with this.
She isn't, so now I'm not.
Now I know how that Chinese woman felt.
SHE LAUGHS 'It makes you wonder.
' It really does make me wonder now, if I had hair, how much of a change it would've been.
We'll never know, but I feel like it it has changed my life, being bald.
For the better or not, I don't know.
I'm going bald for the second time in my life.
You're one of those guys who would've been really good with it.
I could tell, cos the way it looked today, it looked really good.
It's OK.
Wasn't meant to be.
Nah! It's like You know when a baby's just been born, and it's got all, like, gunk on its head? HE IMITATES BABY CRYING Innit? HE SIGHS That's that, then, innit? Karl Pilkington is travelling the world, Looking at different ways of getting your identity across, how people look at you, how they judge you.
Clothes Fashion.
It says a lot about you, don't it? I never try and impress by what I'm wearing.
For me, clothes have to be comfy.
That's my fashion statement.
I've got to be comfy.
Was there never anything in your childhood where you got a piece of clothing and you thought, "This is cool"? Legwarmers, cos that was a trend.
UmYou had legwarmers?! Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
'Early '80s.
I was one of them kids who was, "I want one of them.
"' My dad would be, like, "Do you, though? Do you?" "What you gonna want tomorrow? How much do you want these legwarmers?" He made me summat out of an old shirt.
He just cut his arms off it, so that I had, like, legwarmers with cuffs.
'Er, that's probably as fashionable as I ever got.
' That's what we're looking at today, anyway.
Fashion.
I'm in Matehuala in Mexico, and they've got a look that's unique to them, a bit of clothing that I've never seen anything like it before.
Fernando? Hey!Karl.
Karl? Fernando.
Danza tribal in Matehuala.
That's some look you've got.
Yeah.
INTERPRETER: If you wanna stand out as somebody important in Matehuala, you should use these boots.
These are some of the boots they make, different sizes and colours.
This is for girls.
Oh, so it's not just a man thing, then? They are the biggest.
That's ridiculous.
But But why? What's the reason for this? I don't quite understand.
Look, that kid's got a pair on.
HE SPEAKS SPANISH It's a way of getting attention, and they use it more than anything for their dances.
Would you like to try these boots? Er, yeah.
Let's have a look.
There you go.
Look at that! It's a good fit.
Comfortable? Feeling good? Good size.
Plenty of toe room.
This is what you do, innit, when you Into the shoe shop.
You can walk or dance.
ASSISTANTS SPEAK SPANISH Feel free.
Doesn't feel normal yet.
It's like It's like dragging a caravan on a car.
That isn't how it normally feels.
HGV-type Extra-long shoes, innit? Ooh! Ooh, that's a good one! Oh, shit! So, you're getting used to the boots, and you can start practising with the rest of the group.
Have you ever seen a giraffe have a fight? They really crush each other's necks.
That's what that could be like.
I kind of get it.
At the end of the day, your feet are doing the dancing, so you want attention to go to your feet.
"Hello! What's he got on?" You know, it does that, doesn't it? ASSISTANT SPEAKS SPANISH That's what they use to make a point.
There are people who put decoration on it, as well, colours and lights.
Lights? Baublesor bells.
You can do anything.
Yeah, let's go for it.
I've come a long way.
Let's go for it.
Si.
I want people to go, "Bloody hell!"/f When we're dancing, I want them to be amazed.
Si? Yeah? That's it.
Perfect.
That's what we wanted.
That's good.
RHYTHMIC MUSIC HE SPEAKS SPANISH I reckon that should work.
Yeah, lots of tape.
Yeah.
RHYTHMIC MUSIC ALL CHEER AND APPLAUD Are we up? Are we up now? Oh, shitting hell! All right, then.
Let's get this done.
ANNOUNCEMENTS IN SPANISH CHEERING AND APPLAUSE LIVELY MUSIC STRIKES UP How was that? It was, er It was stupendous.
Highly visual.
LIVELY MUSIC CONTINUES 'I suppose it's the first time I've ever let clothing 'take over me a little bit.
'When I put these on, they change me.
' MUSIC CONTINUES The thing That one worked.
This one went at the last minute.
So I avoided using that one.
I was live.
Couldn't start moaning.
Just had to get on with it.
MUSIC CONTINUES I always picture that, when you don't know what to do, that thing you do when you walk through a spider's web, and go 'As long as you keep moving.
Cos I think that's the real you, innit?' That's letting the real you go, when you walk into a web, cos you weren't expecting it.
Everyone does it.
Don't matter how cool you are.
You can be walking along like that.
You walk into a web, it's Like that.
Er, and that's what I do out there.
Just let myself go.
Er 'I enjoyed it! 'The shoes Wow! The inner me.
'Yeah.
That's what it is.
' The inner me.
That isn't allowed that often.
But when it is you know, it goes apeshit.
LIVELY MUSIC CONTINUES ALL APPLAUD 'I'd say another big part of identity is language, innit?' You know, where you're from, how you talk, your accent, you know.
The words you use, little phrases.
That's, er That's a big part of me.
You know, although I don't even live in Manchester anymore, I've still got the voice.
People can't help but judge you on, you know, when you open your mouth, what comes out.
Stephen Hawking! That sort of computer thing sounds right for talking about the universe and space.
If he was from Birmingham, I'm not buying it.
I'm not buying it, Steve.
So there's a definite Rightly or wrongly, I definitely judge people on the way they sound.
So, the community here use, er, whistling, way of chatting.
They use whistles.
CHIRRUPING That isn't them.
That's birds.
The bloke who I'm meeting, he's called HE WHISTLES FOUR NOTES That's his name.
HE WHISTLES FOUR NOTES Do we know if he's in? HE WHISTLES FOUR NOTES SINGLE-NOTE WHISTLE HE WHISTLES FOUR NOTES SINGLE-NOTE WHISTLE You hear him? HE CHUCKLES THEN WHISTLES FOUR NOTES SINGLE-NOTE WHISTLE HE WHISTLES FOUR NOTES Yeah.
HE LAUGHS How good's that? Oh, hey.
How you doing? So, how come you didn't just shout people's names? "Neil!" Do you know what I mean? INTERPRETER:The echo or the wind takes names away, because we've got lots of mountains.
Our language, Mazateco, is tonal.
It's like singing.
My name in Mazateco is .
.
like Jose, and HE WHISTLES FOUR NOTES Oh, so it is your name? Yes, it is the same.
HE WHISTLES FOUR NOTES Si, si.
So, what would mine be, then? Oh, tu nombreKarl? Si, si.
INTERPRETER: So it would be Carlos in Spanish.
Carlos IN SINGSONG VOICE: Cha-cha-lo.
Cha-lo.
HE WHISTLES TWO NOTES Cha-lo.
HE WHISTLES THREE NOTES Si, si.
JOSE LAUGHS Let's see if my friend hears me.
HE WHISTLES FIVE NOTES TWO-NOTE WHISTLE Was that him answering? Er, si.
Yes.
How do you know? It could just be a window-cleaner! JOSE WHISTLES FIVE NOTES TWO-NOTE WHISTLE He's saying, "Do you want me to come?" HE WHISTLES SINGLE NOTE, THEN TWO JOSE AND HIS FRIEND CONVERSE IN WHISTLES Are you winding me up? Is he winding me up, or what? INTERPRETER TRANSLATES It's a joke, innit? No.
He's saying, "Do you want me to come?" And I'm saying, "Just wait.
Let me ask Carlos.
" So if I was to help you do your job tomorrow, what commands would I need? If you're far away, I'll say HE WHISTLES TWO NOTES HE SPEAKS SPANISH That means, "Come here.
" Hang on.
Let me record it.
This one is, "Come here.
" HE WHISTLES TWO NOTES "Come here.
" Let me save that.
This is gonna be impossible.
JOSE SPEAKS SPANISH It's easier than you think.
No, it's not.
I hardly know English.
I hardly know English.
HE WHISTLES COMPLEX PHRASE "Bring me that thing.
" "Bring me that thing.
" HE WHISTLES COMPLEX PHRASE "Have you finished yet?" HE WHISTLES THREE NOTES "What?" HE WHISTLES ONE NOTE Bring me the corn.
HE WHISTLES FIVE NOTES Have a good night.
How do you say "good night"? Er HE WHISTLES THREE NOTES THEY LAUGH I'm still not having this! JOSE'S FRIEND WHISTLES THREE NOTES He's done that for everything! HE WHISTLES FOUR NOTES That's "good night"? See you later.
Goodbye.
HE WHISTLES FOUR NOTES HE CONTINUES TO WHISTLE FOUR-NOTE PHRASE Nine-ish.
See you.
OK.
Muy buen! I get it.
I think what I like about it is, I think it will be easier than learning a language.
What's your name again? JOSE WHISTLES THREE NOTES Language is really complicated.
You've got to have the accent, whereas you don't need the accent in this.
It's learning the pattern.
So you don't suddenly have to start turning into someone else.
It's a whistle.
I whistle, he whistles.
No matter where you whistle, a whistle sounds like a whistle.
Basically it's like a fart.
It don't matter where you're from in the world.
You couldn't hear a fart and go, "Oh, he's French.
" Or, "Oh, there's a Russian.
" They all sound the same, and that's what a whistle is like.
So that's why I feel confident about doing it, because I know I can whistle.
"Bring me the corn.
" PLAYBACK OF JOSE WHISTLING KARL REPEATS THE PHRASE "Bring me that thing.
" PLAYBACK OF JOSE WHISTLING KARL REPEATS THE PHRASE Karl Pilkington is travelling the world, HE WHISTLES FOUR-NOTE PHRASES HE WHISTLES TWO- AND FOUR-NOTE PHRASES Right.
We're definitely getting closer here.
There he is.
Jose! Hey, Karl.
Hey! Found you.
Nice one.
HE SPEAKS SPANISH INTERPRETER: You've got to cut there, and then you pull the cob off.
OK.
All right.
Si.
Let's go.
So, I just cut around the bottom? Yeah, that bit there.
All right.
God, this is sharp! HE WHISTLES FOUR NOTES THEY CONVERSE IN WHISTLES "Where are you?" PLAYBACK OF JOSE WHISTLING HE REPEATS PHRASE HE REPEATS PHRASE HE REPEATS "WHERE ARE YOU" PHRASE THEY CONTINUE TO CONVERSE IN WHISTLES Was that to me? HE WHISTLES COMPLEX PHRASE HE REPEATS PHRASE "Machete.
" PLAYBACK OF JOSE WHISTLING It's not that.
What was "what" again? What? PLAYBACK OF SINGLE-NOTE WHISTLE HE WHISTLES ONE NOTE HE REPEATS COMPLEX PHRASE He always talks over me, whistles over me.
HE ATTEMPTS TO WHISTLE Oh, give us some water! My lips are all HE WHISTLES SINGLE NOTE HE REPEATS COMPLEX PHRASE HE SINGS COMPLEX PHRASE Bring me the corn? "Bring me the corn.
" PLAYBACK OF JOSE WHISTLING No.
HE WHISTLES COMPLEX PHRASE HE WHISTLES SINGLE NOTE I always try and put myself in the situation at home.
How would this be useful at home? And it would be.
Cos Suzanne has this habit of asking me shit when she's left the room.
She can be sat with me for a good two hours, and she goes out and up the stairs, and I'll hear, like HE IMITATES DISTANT VOICE It's like she does it on purpose.
I hate it.
And I'll go, "What?" And she'll go HE GRUNTS .
.
which I'm guessing is "Come here," but it's, "You were here just now.
" So I just do it back.
I do the HE GRUNTS And we've got this thing going.
We're just making noise.
"Not yet.
" PLAYBACK OF JOSE WHISTLING HE WHISTLES COMPLEX PHRASE HE SIGHS This is impossible.
HE WHISTLES THREE NOTES He's annoying me now.
He's really annoying me.
What do you want? JOSE WHISTLES COMPLEX PHRASE Let's see if I can get him to bring the machete, to just show that it works.
"Machete.
" PLAYBACK OF JOSE WHISTLING HE REPEATS PHRASE HE REPEATS PHRASE HE CHUCKLES He's got it! Got it! There you go.
How about that? So it works! There's no messing about.
Do you have a mobile? No.
No.
Save your money.
They're a right rip-off.
BOTH WHISTLE Vegas is an odd place, innit? It's all fake.
Everything about it is fake.
And that's what I'm looking at today, people who aren't being themselves, lookalikeys.
Which is an oddodd sort of thing, really.
I dunno.
Not being yourself, and, er spending most of your life being someone else.
It's a weird thing, innit? I was looking today, online.
I googled the thing of lookalikeys.
And I put in, you know, my name, lookalikeys of me, and there is a bloke who's doing it.
Him.
I don't know how many bookings he's getting, but that came up and then that came up.
I didn't expect that.
I did not expect that to come up on the search.
We book everything, from cirque to impersonators to showgirls.
Anything that anybody wants, we book.
Me singing as Matt, I make this much money.
Me singing as Elvis, I'll make this much money.
I don't know why, but it's true.
No-one wants to hear Matt sing.
They wanna see Elvis.
I'm looking at, like, having a day off from me.
We could come up with somebody.
Right.
You might think, "I dunno if it'll work.
" I'd say, if you get 80 percent towards somebody, the makeup and the attitude can get you to a hundred.
Yeah.
Once you get in the costume, you'll be surprised about how you change.
Let's take a look at you.
I'm seeing a rounder face, more of a round, square, less angular face.
Ovally-round.
Yeah, I know.
It's not the first time.
A lot of people have said that.
It's not a bad thing.
Round-face option would be You would have Elton John, round face.
We would have Justin Timberlake.
He has a round face.
I can see where you could look like Elton John - the younger Elton John, not today's Elton John.
There's not a good Elton John, young or old.
He didn't look that great when he was younger.
I like his music! This isn't a diss to Elton John.
I like a lot of his songs.
With the glasses, the outfit, the h I think the best way to keep perspective in thiswhat I do is, I approach it as an actor.
I put it on.
I take it off.
I suppose the last time I was someone else for a little bit was, er, when I met Suzanne, my girlfriend.
You want to be better than your normal self, don't you? It only lasted about four days.
Four days? Yeah.
Four days, a week, something like that.
We're doing Elton John, aren't we? It depends if you're being a caricature or you're being more realistic.
Let's try the realistic.
I like that better.
That's way better.
What do you reckon? Actually, it's not bad.
Yeah? I just need one more thing.
I mean, he has that gap in his teeth.
It's coming together more and more.
Right? Let's have a look.
The moment Yeah.
Remember, it's not you now.
This is looking less and less like you, yes? It's weird for me to say, but no.
I'm seeing me in there.
Are you feeling it? Well, I thought they were gonna pick someone who does look a bit like me from a distance.
I did think, you know, if I put a vest on and said "yikky-aye-ay" or whatever, I'd be Bruce Willis, you know? Er, what that possibly unrealistic, Karl? So they're gonna come up to you, and can they get their picture with you.
And it's expected that they'll probably tip you.
I think a respectable sum would be $100.
I think you can make $100.
Let's get out there.
It's show time, innit? Yeah.
HE SINGS TUNE Yeah.
Show time! Friday night in Vegas.
Perfect! Evening.
Welcome to Vegas.
Want a photo with Elton John? All right? Want a photo? Elton John.
You want a photo with Elton John? Here you are.
Do you want one with Elton, Elton John? Huh? Elton John.
Have you heard of him? All right.
Don't bother.
It's all right.
How was that for you? Hated it.
Hated it.
Hated There wasn't one good thing about it about that experience.
The true me came out, the Karl that can't be doing with anything like that.
That's so far away from anything I'm about.
That's what it's made me realise.
My identity is, er is that I hate stuff like that.
Looking like this, I feel more like me.
Welcome to Vegas.
# "Song For Guy" - Elton John I think the only lookalikeys I like, when you look on the internet at cats, lookalike cats, and these cats are, "Oh, here's a cat that looks like Batman," and, "Here's one that looks like Elvis.
" There's a Hitler one.
And you know he's not working at it.
'The cat don't even know it looks like Hitler.
' That's what's good about it.
It's got the little moustache and the hair.
No effort.
And you go, "It's Hitler.
" You know straight away.
And that's why This is too try-hard.
This is, er This is shit.
Shit's the word.
Er, proper shit.
You got your camera out.
Do you want a photo? Do you want one? You want a photo? No.
I'm fed up with this.
# "The Rhythm Of Life" - Sammy Davis Jr OK.
So, DNA results are in.
So I'm 51 percent Great Britain, 33 percent Irish, six percent East Europe.
So I'm only 50 percent British, then? Is that what that's saying? 50 percent British That's like my exam results, that.
50 percent.
I'm never, like, 80 percent at anything.
I'm not even I'm not even good at being British.
51 percent! HE LAUGHS Christ almighty! Shit at everything.
I suppose a big part of what makes me me is the fact I'm a man, innit? But I could've quite easily come out as a woman.
So I'm meeting a bloke who he just lives the odd day, you know, now and again, as a woman.
Hello! Hi.
How are you? I'm good.
I'm Karl.
Nice to meet you, Karl.
Come in! What should I call you? Robert, Sherry, whatever you like.
Robert or Sherry.
Nice house you've got.
Thank you.
I started out as a crossdresser, and, erbut I just wasn't happy with my looks, so I've taken it to an extreme, so I like the way I look in the mirror, and that requires wearing a mask and, er, the suit.
I've been on the planet for 42 years as a man, and today I wanna experience it, a day, as a woman.
If you see yourself as a woman in the mirror, I guarantee you, it'sit's mind-blowing.
Yeah? It really is, yeah.
When I got my first suit and put it on, it changed my life.
Listen to that! I saw myself in the mirror, as a woman, with a woman's body, and all thatthe stuff about wanting to become a female, wanting real breasts and all that, it disappeared.
Oh, man! That's That's an odd look.
This isn't dressed up, is it? So, what are you now, then? You're neither Rob or Sherry yet.
Like you, I really don't think I'm different one way or the other.
Just the way I look is different.
They've even got movement, when you How old are you now? 72.
And how much younger does that make you feel? Once you've got that on, you're all dressed up Most people mistake me for a 20s, 30s woman.
Yeah.
Is there a woman in your life at the minute? No.
And when was the last time a woman was in your life? A couple of years ago.
I have a hard timewith this.
Doing this and dating women's difficult.
I'm a crossdresser.
We do it pretty much, you know, in private.
I'm 70-something, so I've been everywhere and done everything, and nothing is that exciting anymore.
I wanna see a woman in the mirror.
That's a lot more exciting for me, to see a female body.
Just little pulls, little bits, innit?That's it.
Start at the bottom and pull it up a little further again.
Keep pulling.
Don't unroll it.
Nice and easy.
You're doing fine.
See? It's going up.
Yes! That's really fitted.
Yes, it is.
Is the arms in this? Yes.
Where are the arms? Stick your arm through.
I would say put your arm this way.
Yes, exactly.
Like that.
You got it.
You've got it.
I don't feel that womanly yet.
No.
I can see why.
Those square breasts just don't They don't.
They don't, yeah.
How's that? That looks good.
Looks good.
Looks better than the square, doesn't it? No.
Get your hand up, then let's see.
It's not quite there.
It should move around the way you want Oh, I'm sorry.
It's all right.
I think mine are nicer than yours, eh? Yours are newer! Those do look nice on you.
Yeah.
I tell you what - every man should experience this, shouldn't they? They do feel real.
When I've got hold of them They've done a good job.
God, I'd never go out! So, next stage Just slide it on.
Just slide it on? Jesus! That is That's weird, innit? What happened to Karl? He's gone.
Yeah.
This is This is probably the furthest I've ever gone away from myself, even though I'm still here.
OK.
That, I identify with.
I look in the mirror.
It's me, but that's not me.
OK.
Let's get some clothes on.
It's a new me.
How do I want to be seen? I don't dress for other people.
I dress for myself, a look that I like.
If I go to the beach, you could be a little dressy or you could be completely casual.
You see, normally, as me, I don't care about clothing too much.
It's just there to do a job.
But suddenly, as a woman, I want to make a bit more of an effort.
Oh, yeah.
You do.
You see, I need a bra, though, look.
No, you don't.
You just need to pull it down.
No, but you can see the nipples.
Oh.
Well, is that a problem? If I was a woman - Karla Let's go with KarlaRight.
/fo As Karla, I don't think I'd wanna be showy.
I don't want, er If you wore this over the top, it would hide your nipples.
Let's have a look.
I don't think that's very me, that.
Let's have a look.
That's gonna glam you up a little bit, wi A little dressier.
I've gone to a man again.
I'm I'm holding it differently.
I don't No, I don't like that.
It doesn't work.
Doesn't It's funny! I'm making more of an effort to dress as Karla than I do myself.
Now you're getting it.
Now you're getting what the fun of this is.
What's the fun of being a guy, putting the same clothes every day.
What have you got - three shirts, three jeans? Honestly, same stuff, day in, day out for me.
And with women, there's no end.
I've been doing this for 17 years, and I haven't figured out it all.
There's so many combinations.
I don't think it looks that bad.
I really don't.
Yeah, but what does "not that bad" mean?/f Well, Karl, you're a guy in a dress.
And so am I, so we just do the best we can.
Pull it round and then do it.
Yeah, you have to be careful because of the suit.
Oh, aye.
Yeah.
Definitely better, that.
Yeah.
What's really weird is,, I think I'm picking stuff that Suzanne would wear.
That's what's weird here.
It's like I've been with her for long enough that I've seen her wearing stuff like this.
Well, I wouldn't go out without undies on.
Karla's not that different to Karl.
I'm not sure whether I look better than her in it.
That's what's weird here.
I keep looking at myself, thinking, "It looks all right.
" OK.
Do you want to, er, fasten me up? You ready? How's that? Yeah, yeah.
Fine.
Yeah.
I like a little bit of, er Do you know what I mean? A little bit of life to it.
Just a little bit.
Are you happy to be seen with me like this? Is that, er Is that a good look? I think it is.
I tell you what - we look like ABBA! Oh, yeah.
You sure don't look like a man.
I don't, do I? Uh-uh! That's the whole point.
OK.
Let's go down the beach.
Feels good to be out.
It's nice in the evening, nice and cool Yeah.
It's very brave of you to do it.
For most men This is very brave, what you're doing.
I don't - You may not feel that, but it is.
Yeah.
Here, do you use Facebook and Twitter?I do.
Cos that's the way most people be someone else.
Yes.
People on the internet can hide behind another name, and basically that's what you're doing.
That's what I'm doing.
That's what most crossdressers do - a female identity on a separate page.
Yeah.
It's funny.
Sherry has over 5,000 friends.
I have 30 SHERRY LAUGHS .
.
on my page.
Yeah.
Karla That was all right, was it? Fine.
I think all it's done is make me realise that, if I was a woman, I wouldn't be tarty.
I don't think there's anything tarty about this look.
When I'm Karl, and I see a woman done up, I think, "What are you doing? What are you trying to say?" You know, newsreaders, the way some of them are sort of tarted up, I think, "Are you going out on the piss after you've done the news?" You should look a bit more respectable.
I could read the news, looking like this.
This could be breakfast news, couldn't it? That's what I've realised.
I suppose that isn't that far away from the way I am, is it? I don't like getting dressed up too much.
Does it make any difference that I'm a man or a woman? There's certain things that might change.
I think I do get the manly job at home.
I like that.
It gives me my place at home, you know, mashing potatoes and stuff like that.
Suzanne doesn't do any of that.
She finds it hard work.
So I'm needed.
I couldn't do with this all the time.
Is it about time that Karl came back? Er I'm a little bit, like .
.
you know, "What's the rush?" What am I gonna live to do? Maybe 78 if I'm lucky, 80? I've got another, like, 40 years of being Karl, haven't I? So I reckon, just, you know, let's have one final walk on the pier as Karla.
'Have you got a problem with that?' SEAGULLS CRY Next time, Karl explores how to live your life.
When I saw you, you looked like you could step in and help someone.
I just look like some sort of shit mime artist.
I feel like we're being taken to the slaughter.
I feel like a cow in the back of a truck.
We've got him.
We've got him.
Arrrgh! Ah, fucking hell! Oh, God almighty! What is she doing?! They call that the Devil's Golf Ball, and that's where we're going up.
Yeah.
That's pretty extreme, that.
accessibility@bskyb.
com
Do we need art? This is not a normal way of creating art, this.
What should we do about waste? How should you live your life? God almighty! What is she doing?! What should you do with your limited time on the planet, and how should we treat our bodies? Show time! # "The Rhythm Of Life" - Sammy Davis Jr Am I in charge, or is my arse in charge? In this episode, Karl explores identity.
I know they haven't invented the time machine, but it's like we have.
Can we really change ourselves through fashion? What's your problem? Yeah, I've got pointy boots.
What are YOU wearing? How much do our looks define us? 'This is too try-hard.
' This is, er, shit.
Shit's the word.
And does your gender shape the person you become? Tell you what - every man should experience this, shouldn't he? This is The Moaning Of Life.
There's no fun in this.
What you got there, Karl? Like, a little DNA thing.
I don't quite understand why people want to do this.
I'm only doing this cos you've asked me to.
Are you not interested to find out whether your genetic makeup is font color="#0 What difference does it make? I don't know.
You're not gonna find anything out, because at the end of the day, if it's something good, I would've known about it already.
I'm sure of it.
That word would've stuck with the family.
If I was related to your Einstein or whoever, Gandhi, we'd know.
We would know.
If you could go really, really, really far back, you know, to the point of it's not even human anymore, like some sort of jellyfish, and it's related to you, that would blow my mind a bit, cos we all come from something like that, a little grub somewhere.
That would be amazing.
It's, like, "Fucking hell!" "That's related.
That's related to me.
" That's just a bit of goz.
I'd be better off sending them one of my pillows off my bed, to be honest, cos that's caked in goz.
I haven't had it that long, and it's rank.
You take the pillow case off, looks like sort of giraffe skin, all sort of brown patches.
I should just send that off.
TRAM BELL RINGS 'Am I me because of where I'm from, 'the way I look, the way I speak? 'I suppose all those things 'are things that have made me the way I am, 'so, if I change 'em, do I still feel like me?' I'd say the baldness on me, it's my thing, innit? That's how you can distinguish me from everyone else in a room.
If you were saying, "Look out for Karl, who'll be coming in in a bit," and they went, "What's he look like? How do I know what to look out for?" you would say, "The bald fella.
" 'I think I started to go bald when I was about 2022, I'd say.
' It's fine.
I haven't got any problem with it.
And it's weird that there are people out there who do struggle with it.
Well, today I'm gonna get a taste of what it's like to have my hair back.
'I'm sort of slagging it off, saying I don't need it, 'but I'm gonna give it a go today, get a bit of hair on my head.
' I think it's gonna be a nice thing to experience again, but I can't see it being that much of a big deal for me.
Karl, this is all of the systems that we have.
My God! This is not a wig or a toupee.
This is a hair prosthetic.
This, people tell me, "Curtis, my kids don't know.
" "My wife don't know.
" A lot of people we've done before they got married, so they've actually dated, had a fiancee, got married, and still They don't know?! Because it's so thin, once it's down, you can't feel it or see it.
So you go swimming, you can comb your hair straight back, you can do all of the things that you did when you had hair.
And it's all real hair.
Everything is human hair that we use here.
It is real? It's all real.
All the Asian women grow their beautiful black hair.
They go to the temples.
They shave these ladies, and the hair then is all coloured to American colours, starting with black all the way up to blond, OK? So this used to be on an Asian girl.
Hang on, then.
Say if I'm wearing one of these, and then I do a murder, and they find a hair, who's getting She'll get done for it! So, measuring your face My natural hairline was probably sort of quite Absolutely.
Exactly where I've got my finger at.
This isn't being glued down at the moment? No, cos this has to be cut a lot shorter.
Look at that there! Yeah.
It moves So messed up! It's weird, innit? It's freakin' me out.
HE LAUGHS I mean, it's annoying me how much I like it.
This is what I love this stuff for, because you know what? HE LAUGHS Put it on! Show a guy! I know, but it's not good - I don't have to sell anything.
It sells itself.
Roughly what would I be looking at, price-wise? Roughly $3,500 a year.
And I warn my guys, don't get into this if you can't afford it, because it's very addictive.
Once you see yourself looking better, it's hard to then go back there.
It's like, er It's a garnish for your head, innit? That's what it is.
I always get a bit annoyed with garnish on a plate.
It's, like, "What's that there for?" It's doing nothing.
But that's what this is.
It shouldn't really matter, but it makes a big difference.
'In a way you're going, "I don't want celery.
Who put that there?"' But it just brightens up the plate, and that's what this has done.
And it's not even done yet.
'I'm a bit annoyed that I like it.
' Am I not happy with myself, then? Is that what that means? I was going, "Oh, I'm confident.
I don't need haircuts and all that.
" Yet it is It is good.
Oh, I don't I don't know.
It's messed with my head.
Literally has messed with my head, hasn't it? It's slipping back a bit cos it's not on properly yet, so it's gone a bit sort of, er Is it Ant or Dec? That That is the spit of how I used to look with hair.
That's how I'd have it, like that - even the way it's sort of dangling down on the front.
When I used to go to the barber's, I had very fine, straight hair.
Uh-huh?And the barber used to say I had like the hair of a Ch Yeah.
Now I've got the hair of a China woman.
SHE LAUGHS How weird! I'll tell you what - I know they haven't invented the time machine, but it's like we have.
We've done it.
Mm-hm.
Yeah.
I love it.
I love it.
I love it.
Lightweight.
I like the I mean, look at that there.
That is, like That's not a wig.
That's trendy, innit? You don't see trendy wigs normally.
My eyes look happier and everything.
Yeah.
Your eyes, actually That's one thing I noticed.
I noticed your eyes more with the hair.
I didn't notice your eyes before.
Shittin' hell! Oh, I can't hug myself! I feel a bit, like, "Ooh!" Morning.
Do you do, er, passport photographs? How's the hair looking? Oh, you're good, man.
Yeah? You look good.
Awesome.
Yeah?Good to go.
Just have a little pull.
It's not gonna come off.
Yeah, it's pretty cool.
I like it! Can't tell! Look at this picture! You look much older.
Do I look older than 42? Makes you look younger.
What would you say? How old? I'd guess, like, 33.
That was a real bloke, the first person I've come in contact with since I've had a full head of hair, and he was, like, "You look younger.
Ten years younger," he said.
There's the old one - according to him, really old.
And then there's the new me, with the hair.
It's not a different person, cos I'm the same person, aren't I? But, yeah, I look different.
A lot different.
Yeah, yeah.
You're welcome.
There's so much choice, ain't t Yeah, it's too many.
Too many! What have you What have you got? Brush.
A comb.
Shampoo.
You spray it in your hair, gives it a bit of body.
And I've just got some Haribos, cos I like Haribos.
It's been a good day, really.
I've got hair and I've got Haribos.
I never looked after my hair when I was younger.
Start looking after it now.
I might look after this hair more, because it's not mine.
It's like, when you borrow something, you're more careful, aren't you? I've got some responsibility here, to look after this hair for that Chinese woman I'm never gonna meet.
It's her hair.
Let's look after it.
She's walking around bald now because of me.
So it's showing her just a little bit of respect.
'Has Suzanne seen you with the hair yet?''Not yet.
'/font I'm gonna make it all nice and that, and then send her a picture, and see, er see how she feels about it.
What's your hunch? I think she'll like it.
I mean, it's good, innit? It looks good.
'I mean, it's a worry that she might like it too much, 'and she realises what she's lost all them years ago.
' Tell me what happened.
Um Well, I sent her a photo last night before I went to bed.
I sent it to Suzanne.
I went to bed quite happy.
And she just sent an email back, that I got this morning, cos of the time difference and everything.
Um, hated it.
She just said, "I hate it.
" Well, her words were, "You look like a gormless 35 year old.
" Oh, it's well and truly pissed on the fireworks.
Her main thing was that she's always known me is someone who knows exactly what I want, no messing about, and she seemed disappointed that, somehow, I think, being bald is a bad thing, and I feel stronger with hair.
I think that's what made her go, "Whoa, hang on.
" "Where's this come from?" Because she doesn't like it, now I just wanna get it off.
I was happy with this.
She isn't, so now I'm not.
Now I know how that Chinese woman felt.
SHE LAUGHS 'It makes you wonder.
' It really does make me wonder now, if I had hair, how much of a change it would've been.
We'll never know, but I feel like it it has changed my life, being bald.
For the better or not, I don't know.
I'm going bald for the second time in my life.
You're one of those guys who would've been really good with it.
I could tell, cos the way it looked today, it looked really good.
It's OK.
Wasn't meant to be.
Nah! It's like You know when a baby's just been born, and it's got all, like, gunk on its head? HE IMITATES BABY CRYING Innit? HE SIGHS That's that, then, innit? Karl Pilkington is travelling the world, Looking at different ways of getting your identity across, how people look at you, how they judge you.
Clothes Fashion.
It says a lot about you, don't it? I never try and impress by what I'm wearing.
For me, clothes have to be comfy.
That's my fashion statement.
I've got to be comfy.
Was there never anything in your childhood where you got a piece of clothing and you thought, "This is cool"? Legwarmers, cos that was a trend.
UmYou had legwarmers?! Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
'Early '80s.
I was one of them kids who was, "I want one of them.
"' My dad would be, like, "Do you, though? Do you?" "What you gonna want tomorrow? How much do you want these legwarmers?" He made me summat out of an old shirt.
He just cut his arms off it, so that I had, like, legwarmers with cuffs.
'Er, that's probably as fashionable as I ever got.
' That's what we're looking at today, anyway.
Fashion.
I'm in Matehuala in Mexico, and they've got a look that's unique to them, a bit of clothing that I've never seen anything like it before.
Fernando? Hey!Karl.
Karl? Fernando.
Danza tribal in Matehuala.
That's some look you've got.
Yeah.
INTERPRETER: If you wanna stand out as somebody important in Matehuala, you should use these boots.
These are some of the boots they make, different sizes and colours.
This is for girls.
Oh, so it's not just a man thing, then? They are the biggest.
That's ridiculous.
But But why? What's the reason for this? I don't quite understand.
Look, that kid's got a pair on.
HE SPEAKS SPANISH It's a way of getting attention, and they use it more than anything for their dances.
Would you like to try these boots? Er, yeah.
Let's have a look.
There you go.
Look at that! It's a good fit.
Comfortable? Feeling good? Good size.
Plenty of toe room.
This is what you do, innit, when you Into the shoe shop.
You can walk or dance.
ASSISTANTS SPEAK SPANISH Feel free.
Doesn't feel normal yet.
It's like It's like dragging a caravan on a car.
That isn't how it normally feels.
HGV-type Extra-long shoes, innit? Ooh! Ooh, that's a good one! Oh, shit! So, you're getting used to the boots, and you can start practising with the rest of the group.
Have you ever seen a giraffe have a fight? They really crush each other's necks.
That's what that could be like.
I kind of get it.
At the end of the day, your feet are doing the dancing, so you want attention to go to your feet.
"Hello! What's he got on?" You know, it does that, doesn't it? ASSISTANT SPEAKS SPANISH That's what they use to make a point.
There are people who put decoration on it, as well, colours and lights.
Lights? Baublesor bells.
You can do anything.
Yeah, let's go for it.
I've come a long way.
Let's go for it.
Si.
I want people to go, "Bloody hell!"/f When we're dancing, I want them to be amazed.
Si? Yeah? That's it.
Perfect.
That's what we wanted.
That's good.
RHYTHMIC MUSIC HE SPEAKS SPANISH I reckon that should work.
Yeah, lots of tape.
Yeah.
RHYTHMIC MUSIC ALL CHEER AND APPLAUD Are we up? Are we up now? Oh, shitting hell! All right, then.
Let's get this done.
ANNOUNCEMENTS IN SPANISH CHEERING AND APPLAUSE LIVELY MUSIC STRIKES UP How was that? It was, er It was stupendous.
Highly visual.
LIVELY MUSIC CONTINUES 'I suppose it's the first time I've ever let clothing 'take over me a little bit.
'When I put these on, they change me.
' MUSIC CONTINUES The thing That one worked.
This one went at the last minute.
So I avoided using that one.
I was live.
Couldn't start moaning.
Just had to get on with it.
MUSIC CONTINUES I always picture that, when you don't know what to do, that thing you do when you walk through a spider's web, and go 'As long as you keep moving.
Cos I think that's the real you, innit?' That's letting the real you go, when you walk into a web, cos you weren't expecting it.
Everyone does it.
Don't matter how cool you are.
You can be walking along like that.
You walk into a web, it's Like that.
Er, and that's what I do out there.
Just let myself go.
Er 'I enjoyed it! 'The shoes Wow! The inner me.
'Yeah.
That's what it is.
' The inner me.
That isn't allowed that often.
But when it is you know, it goes apeshit.
LIVELY MUSIC CONTINUES ALL APPLAUD 'I'd say another big part of identity is language, innit?' You know, where you're from, how you talk, your accent, you know.
The words you use, little phrases.
That's, er That's a big part of me.
You know, although I don't even live in Manchester anymore, I've still got the voice.
People can't help but judge you on, you know, when you open your mouth, what comes out.
Stephen Hawking! That sort of computer thing sounds right for talking about the universe and space.
If he was from Birmingham, I'm not buying it.
I'm not buying it, Steve.
So there's a definite Rightly or wrongly, I definitely judge people on the way they sound.
So, the community here use, er, whistling, way of chatting.
They use whistles.
CHIRRUPING That isn't them.
That's birds.
The bloke who I'm meeting, he's called HE WHISTLES FOUR NOTES That's his name.
HE WHISTLES FOUR NOTES Do we know if he's in? HE WHISTLES FOUR NOTES SINGLE-NOTE WHISTLE HE WHISTLES FOUR NOTES SINGLE-NOTE WHISTLE You hear him? HE CHUCKLES THEN WHISTLES FOUR NOTES SINGLE-NOTE WHISTLE HE WHISTLES FOUR NOTES Yeah.
HE LAUGHS How good's that? Oh, hey.
How you doing? So, how come you didn't just shout people's names? "Neil!" Do you know what I mean? INTERPRETER:The echo or the wind takes names away, because we've got lots of mountains.
Our language, Mazateco, is tonal.
It's like singing.
My name in Mazateco is .
.
like Jose, and HE WHISTLES FOUR NOTES Oh, so it is your name? Yes, it is the same.
HE WHISTLES FOUR NOTES Si, si.
So, what would mine be, then? Oh, tu nombreKarl? Si, si.
INTERPRETER: So it would be Carlos in Spanish.
Carlos IN SINGSONG VOICE: Cha-cha-lo.
Cha-lo.
HE WHISTLES TWO NOTES Cha-lo.
HE WHISTLES THREE NOTES Si, si.
JOSE LAUGHS Let's see if my friend hears me.
HE WHISTLES FIVE NOTES TWO-NOTE WHISTLE Was that him answering? Er, si.
Yes.
How do you know? It could just be a window-cleaner! JOSE WHISTLES FIVE NOTES TWO-NOTE WHISTLE He's saying, "Do you want me to come?" HE WHISTLES SINGLE NOTE, THEN TWO JOSE AND HIS FRIEND CONVERSE IN WHISTLES Are you winding me up? Is he winding me up, or what? INTERPRETER TRANSLATES It's a joke, innit? No.
He's saying, "Do you want me to come?" And I'm saying, "Just wait.
Let me ask Carlos.
" So if I was to help you do your job tomorrow, what commands would I need? If you're far away, I'll say HE WHISTLES TWO NOTES HE SPEAKS SPANISH That means, "Come here.
" Hang on.
Let me record it.
This one is, "Come here.
" HE WHISTLES TWO NOTES "Come here.
" Let me save that.
This is gonna be impossible.
JOSE SPEAKS SPANISH It's easier than you think.
No, it's not.
I hardly know English.
I hardly know English.
HE WHISTLES COMPLEX PHRASE "Bring me that thing.
" "Bring me that thing.
" HE WHISTLES COMPLEX PHRASE "Have you finished yet?" HE WHISTLES THREE NOTES "What?" HE WHISTLES ONE NOTE Bring me the corn.
HE WHISTLES FIVE NOTES Have a good night.
How do you say "good night"? Er HE WHISTLES THREE NOTES THEY LAUGH I'm still not having this! JOSE'S FRIEND WHISTLES THREE NOTES He's done that for everything! HE WHISTLES FOUR NOTES That's "good night"? See you later.
Goodbye.
HE WHISTLES FOUR NOTES HE CONTINUES TO WHISTLE FOUR-NOTE PHRASE Nine-ish.
See you.
OK.
Muy buen! I get it.
I think what I like about it is, I think it will be easier than learning a language.
What's your name again? JOSE WHISTLES THREE NOTES Language is really complicated.
You've got to have the accent, whereas you don't need the accent in this.
It's learning the pattern.
So you don't suddenly have to start turning into someone else.
It's a whistle.
I whistle, he whistles.
No matter where you whistle, a whistle sounds like a whistle.
Basically it's like a fart.
It don't matter where you're from in the world.
You couldn't hear a fart and go, "Oh, he's French.
" Or, "Oh, there's a Russian.
" They all sound the same, and that's what a whistle is like.
So that's why I feel confident about doing it, because I know I can whistle.
"Bring me the corn.
" PLAYBACK OF JOSE WHISTLING KARL REPEATS THE PHRASE "Bring me that thing.
" PLAYBACK OF JOSE WHISTLING KARL REPEATS THE PHRASE Karl Pilkington is travelling the world, HE WHISTLES FOUR-NOTE PHRASES HE WHISTLES TWO- AND FOUR-NOTE PHRASES Right.
We're definitely getting closer here.
There he is.
Jose! Hey, Karl.
Hey! Found you.
Nice one.
HE SPEAKS SPANISH INTERPRETER: You've got to cut there, and then you pull the cob off.
OK.
All right.
Si.
Let's go.
So, I just cut around the bottom? Yeah, that bit there.
All right.
God, this is sharp! HE WHISTLES FOUR NOTES THEY CONVERSE IN WHISTLES "Where are you?" PLAYBACK OF JOSE WHISTLING HE REPEATS PHRASE HE REPEATS PHRASE HE REPEATS "WHERE ARE YOU" PHRASE THEY CONTINUE TO CONVERSE IN WHISTLES Was that to me? HE WHISTLES COMPLEX PHRASE HE REPEATS PHRASE "Machete.
" PLAYBACK OF JOSE WHISTLING It's not that.
What was "what" again? What? PLAYBACK OF SINGLE-NOTE WHISTLE HE WHISTLES ONE NOTE HE REPEATS COMPLEX PHRASE He always talks over me, whistles over me.
HE ATTEMPTS TO WHISTLE Oh, give us some water! My lips are all HE WHISTLES SINGLE NOTE HE REPEATS COMPLEX PHRASE HE SINGS COMPLEX PHRASE Bring me the corn? "Bring me the corn.
" PLAYBACK OF JOSE WHISTLING No.
HE WHISTLES COMPLEX PHRASE HE WHISTLES SINGLE NOTE I always try and put myself in the situation at home.
How would this be useful at home? And it would be.
Cos Suzanne has this habit of asking me shit when she's left the room.
She can be sat with me for a good two hours, and she goes out and up the stairs, and I'll hear, like HE IMITATES DISTANT VOICE It's like she does it on purpose.
I hate it.
And I'll go, "What?" And she'll go HE GRUNTS .
.
which I'm guessing is "Come here," but it's, "You were here just now.
" So I just do it back.
I do the HE GRUNTS And we've got this thing going.
We're just making noise.
"Not yet.
" PLAYBACK OF JOSE WHISTLING HE WHISTLES COMPLEX PHRASE HE SIGHS This is impossible.
HE WHISTLES THREE NOTES He's annoying me now.
He's really annoying me.
What do you want? JOSE WHISTLES COMPLEX PHRASE Let's see if I can get him to bring the machete, to just show that it works.
"Machete.
" PLAYBACK OF JOSE WHISTLING HE REPEATS PHRASE HE REPEATS PHRASE HE CHUCKLES He's got it! Got it! There you go.
How about that? So it works! There's no messing about.
Do you have a mobile? No.
No.
Save your money.
They're a right rip-off.
BOTH WHISTLE Vegas is an odd place, innit? It's all fake.
Everything about it is fake.
And that's what I'm looking at today, people who aren't being themselves, lookalikeys.
Which is an oddodd sort of thing, really.
I dunno.
Not being yourself, and, er spending most of your life being someone else.
It's a weird thing, innit? I was looking today, online.
I googled the thing of lookalikeys.
And I put in, you know, my name, lookalikeys of me, and there is a bloke who's doing it.
Him.
I don't know how many bookings he's getting, but that came up and then that came up.
I didn't expect that.
I did not expect that to come up on the search.
We book everything, from cirque to impersonators to showgirls.
Anything that anybody wants, we book.
Me singing as Matt, I make this much money.
Me singing as Elvis, I'll make this much money.
I don't know why, but it's true.
No-one wants to hear Matt sing.
They wanna see Elvis.
I'm looking at, like, having a day off from me.
We could come up with somebody.
Right.
You might think, "I dunno if it'll work.
" I'd say, if you get 80 percent towards somebody, the makeup and the attitude can get you to a hundred.
Yeah.
Once you get in the costume, you'll be surprised about how you change.
Let's take a look at you.
I'm seeing a rounder face, more of a round, square, less angular face.
Ovally-round.
Yeah, I know.
It's not the first time.
A lot of people have said that.
It's not a bad thing.
Round-face option would be You would have Elton John, round face.
We would have Justin Timberlake.
He has a round face.
I can see where you could look like Elton John - the younger Elton John, not today's Elton John.
There's not a good Elton John, young or old.
He didn't look that great when he was younger.
I like his music! This isn't a diss to Elton John.
I like a lot of his songs.
With the glasses, the outfit, the h I think the best way to keep perspective in thiswhat I do is, I approach it as an actor.
I put it on.
I take it off.
I suppose the last time I was someone else for a little bit was, er, when I met Suzanne, my girlfriend.
You want to be better than your normal self, don't you? It only lasted about four days.
Four days? Yeah.
Four days, a week, something like that.
We're doing Elton John, aren't we? It depends if you're being a caricature or you're being more realistic.
Let's try the realistic.
I like that better.
That's way better.
What do you reckon? Actually, it's not bad.
Yeah? I just need one more thing.
I mean, he has that gap in his teeth.
It's coming together more and more.
Right? Let's have a look.
The moment Yeah.
Remember, it's not you now.
This is looking less and less like you, yes? It's weird for me to say, but no.
I'm seeing me in there.
Are you feeling it? Well, I thought they were gonna pick someone who does look a bit like me from a distance.
I did think, you know, if I put a vest on and said "yikky-aye-ay" or whatever, I'd be Bruce Willis, you know? Er, what that possibly unrealistic, Karl? So they're gonna come up to you, and can they get their picture with you.
And it's expected that they'll probably tip you.
I think a respectable sum would be $100.
I think you can make $100.
Let's get out there.
It's show time, innit? Yeah.
HE SINGS TUNE Yeah.
Show time! Friday night in Vegas.
Perfect! Evening.
Welcome to Vegas.
Want a photo with Elton John? All right? Want a photo? Elton John.
You want a photo with Elton John? Here you are.
Do you want one with Elton, Elton John? Huh? Elton John.
Have you heard of him? All right.
Don't bother.
It's all right.
How was that for you? Hated it.
Hated it.
Hated There wasn't one good thing about it about that experience.
The true me came out, the Karl that can't be doing with anything like that.
That's so far away from anything I'm about.
That's what it's made me realise.
My identity is, er is that I hate stuff like that.
Looking like this, I feel more like me.
Welcome to Vegas.
# "Song For Guy" - Elton John I think the only lookalikeys I like, when you look on the internet at cats, lookalike cats, and these cats are, "Oh, here's a cat that looks like Batman," and, "Here's one that looks like Elvis.
" There's a Hitler one.
And you know he's not working at it.
'The cat don't even know it looks like Hitler.
' That's what's good about it.
It's got the little moustache and the hair.
No effort.
And you go, "It's Hitler.
" You know straight away.
And that's why This is too try-hard.
This is, er This is shit.
Shit's the word.
Er, proper shit.
You got your camera out.
Do you want a photo? Do you want one? You want a photo? No.
I'm fed up with this.
# "The Rhythm Of Life" - Sammy Davis Jr OK.
So, DNA results are in.
So I'm 51 percent Great Britain, 33 percent Irish, six percent East Europe.
So I'm only 50 percent British, then? Is that what that's saying? 50 percent British That's like my exam results, that.
50 percent.
I'm never, like, 80 percent at anything.
I'm not even I'm not even good at being British.
51 percent! HE LAUGHS Christ almighty! Shit at everything.
I suppose a big part of what makes me me is the fact I'm a man, innit? But I could've quite easily come out as a woman.
So I'm meeting a bloke who he just lives the odd day, you know, now and again, as a woman.
Hello! Hi.
How are you? I'm good.
I'm Karl.
Nice to meet you, Karl.
Come in! What should I call you? Robert, Sherry, whatever you like.
Robert or Sherry.
Nice house you've got.
Thank you.
I started out as a crossdresser, and, erbut I just wasn't happy with my looks, so I've taken it to an extreme, so I like the way I look in the mirror, and that requires wearing a mask and, er, the suit.
I've been on the planet for 42 years as a man, and today I wanna experience it, a day, as a woman.
If you see yourself as a woman in the mirror, I guarantee you, it'sit's mind-blowing.
Yeah? It really is, yeah.
When I got my first suit and put it on, it changed my life.
Listen to that! I saw myself in the mirror, as a woman, with a woman's body, and all thatthe stuff about wanting to become a female, wanting real breasts and all that, it disappeared.
Oh, man! That's That's an odd look.
This isn't dressed up, is it? So, what are you now, then? You're neither Rob or Sherry yet.
Like you, I really don't think I'm different one way or the other.
Just the way I look is different.
They've even got movement, when you How old are you now? 72.
And how much younger does that make you feel? Once you've got that on, you're all dressed up Most people mistake me for a 20s, 30s woman.
Yeah.
Is there a woman in your life at the minute? No.
And when was the last time a woman was in your life? A couple of years ago.
I have a hard timewith this.
Doing this and dating women's difficult.
I'm a crossdresser.
We do it pretty much, you know, in private.
I'm 70-something, so I've been everywhere and done everything, and nothing is that exciting anymore.
I wanna see a woman in the mirror.
That's a lot more exciting for me, to see a female body.
Just little pulls, little bits, innit?That's it.
Start at the bottom and pull it up a little further again.
Keep pulling.
Don't unroll it.
Nice and easy.
You're doing fine.
See? It's going up.
Yes! That's really fitted.
Yes, it is.
Is the arms in this? Yes.
Where are the arms? Stick your arm through.
I would say put your arm this way.
Yes, exactly.
Like that.
You got it.
You've got it.
I don't feel that womanly yet.
No.
I can see why.
Those square breasts just don't They don't.
They don't, yeah.
How's that? That looks good.
Looks good.
Looks better than the square, doesn't it? No.
Get your hand up, then let's see.
It's not quite there.
It should move around the way you want Oh, I'm sorry.
It's all right.
I think mine are nicer than yours, eh? Yours are newer! Those do look nice on you.
Yeah.
I tell you what - every man should experience this, shouldn't they? They do feel real.
When I've got hold of them They've done a good job.
God, I'd never go out! So, next stage Just slide it on.
Just slide it on? Jesus! That is That's weird, innit? What happened to Karl? He's gone.
Yeah.
This is This is probably the furthest I've ever gone away from myself, even though I'm still here.
OK.
That, I identify with.
I look in the mirror.
It's me, but that's not me.
OK.
Let's get some clothes on.
It's a new me.
How do I want to be seen? I don't dress for other people.
I dress for myself, a look that I like.
If I go to the beach, you could be a little dressy or you could be completely casual.
You see, normally, as me, I don't care about clothing too much.
It's just there to do a job.
But suddenly, as a woman, I want to make a bit more of an effort.
Oh, yeah.
You do.
You see, I need a bra, though, look.
No, you don't.
You just need to pull it down.
No, but you can see the nipples.
Oh.
Well, is that a problem? If I was a woman - Karla Let's go with KarlaRight.
/fo As Karla, I don't think I'd wanna be showy.
I don't want, er If you wore this over the top, it would hide your nipples.
Let's have a look.
I don't think that's very me, that.
Let's have a look.
That's gonna glam you up a little bit, wi A little dressier.
I've gone to a man again.
I'm I'm holding it differently.
I don't No, I don't like that.
It doesn't work.
Doesn't It's funny! I'm making more of an effort to dress as Karla than I do myself.
Now you're getting it.
Now you're getting what the fun of this is.
What's the fun of being a guy, putting the same clothes every day.
What have you got - three shirts, three jeans? Honestly, same stuff, day in, day out for me.
And with women, there's no end.
I've been doing this for 17 years, and I haven't figured out it all.
There's so many combinations.
I don't think it looks that bad.
I really don't.
Yeah, but what does "not that bad" mean?/f Well, Karl, you're a guy in a dress.
And so am I, so we just do the best we can.
Pull it round and then do it.
Yeah, you have to be careful because of the suit.
Oh, aye.
Yeah.
Definitely better, that.
Yeah.
What's really weird is,, I think I'm picking stuff that Suzanne would wear.
That's what's weird here.
It's like I've been with her for long enough that I've seen her wearing stuff like this.
Well, I wouldn't go out without undies on.
Karla's not that different to Karl.
I'm not sure whether I look better than her in it.
That's what's weird here.
I keep looking at myself, thinking, "It looks all right.
" OK.
Do you want to, er, fasten me up? You ready? How's that? Yeah, yeah.
Fine.
Yeah.
I like a little bit of, er Do you know what I mean? A little bit of life to it.
Just a little bit.
Are you happy to be seen with me like this? Is that, er Is that a good look? I think it is.
I tell you what - we look like ABBA! Oh, yeah.
You sure don't look like a man.
I don't, do I? Uh-uh! That's the whole point.
OK.
Let's go down the beach.
Feels good to be out.
It's nice in the evening, nice and cool Yeah.
It's very brave of you to do it.
For most men This is very brave, what you're doing.
I don't - You may not feel that, but it is.
Yeah.
Here, do you use Facebook and Twitter?I do.
Cos that's the way most people be someone else.
Yes.
People on the internet can hide behind another name, and basically that's what you're doing.
That's what I'm doing.
That's what most crossdressers do - a female identity on a separate page.
Yeah.
It's funny.
Sherry has over 5,000 friends.
I have 30 SHERRY LAUGHS .
.
on my page.
Yeah.
Karla That was all right, was it? Fine.
I think all it's done is make me realise that, if I was a woman, I wouldn't be tarty.
I don't think there's anything tarty about this look.
When I'm Karl, and I see a woman done up, I think, "What are you doing? What are you trying to say?" You know, newsreaders, the way some of them are sort of tarted up, I think, "Are you going out on the piss after you've done the news?" You should look a bit more respectable.
I could read the news, looking like this.
This could be breakfast news, couldn't it? That's what I've realised.
I suppose that isn't that far away from the way I am, is it? I don't like getting dressed up too much.
Does it make any difference that I'm a man or a woman? There's certain things that might change.
I think I do get the manly job at home.
I like that.
It gives me my place at home, you know, mashing potatoes and stuff like that.
Suzanne doesn't do any of that.
She finds it hard work.
So I'm needed.
I couldn't do with this all the time.
Is it about time that Karl came back? Er I'm a little bit, like .
.
you know, "What's the rush?" What am I gonna live to do? Maybe 78 if I'm lucky, 80? I've got another, like, 40 years of being Karl, haven't I? So I reckon, just, you know, let's have one final walk on the pier as Karla.
'Have you got a problem with that?' SEAGULLS CRY Next time, Karl explores how to live your life.
When I saw you, you looked like you could step in and help someone.
I just look like some sort of shit mime artist.
I feel like we're being taken to the slaughter.
I feel like a cow in the back of a truck.
We've got him.
We've got him.
Arrrgh! Ah, fucking hell! Oh, God almighty! What is she doing?! They call that the Devil's Golf Ball, and that's where we're going up.
Yeah.
That's pretty extreme, that.
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