Kenan (2021) s02e02 Episode Script

1
- Uh-huh.
- Ooh. Now, walk.
The party already started, huh?
Let me get in on this dance. Stanky leg
- that stinks.
- Wait.
- Do the stanky leg
- stanky leg is a dance?
Yeah, what did you think it was?
A medical condition
that you got in vietnam.
Vietnam? Girl, how old do you think I am?
Old enough to know
that the stanky leg is dead.
Now, could you move along, grandpa?
You're ruining our tiktok.
- Really? That's funny.
- 'cause I could have sworn
that birdie wasn't able
to get that app on her phone.
Uncle gary and papa rick fixed it.
Aren't they cool?
Yeah, they is super cool.
Why don't you go play outside,
while I thank them?
Outside? I don't have that app.
- Uh, it's not an app.
- It's a magical place
where kids go play
when their batteries are dead.
Now go. High five on your way out.
Attagirl.
I changed the settings on her phone
so she couldn't download social media apps.
Aubrey, why didn't you tell me?
Because the price of snitching
has recently gone up.
I told you I'm not paying you $80.
Fine. Stay in the dark then.
Yes, I will stay in the dark.
High five. Yeah, I expected that.
Listen, they're too young
for social media, all right?
You can't just be their buddies.
You gotta be a little more responsible.
Now give me the phone. Thank you.
All right. There.
Now, I gotta go to work,
because some of us actually have to work.
- Hey, I work.
- You just gave me the day off.
I did not.
Hold up. You reinstalled the app?
I sure did.
If birdie only had kenan in her life,
she'd never have any fun.
That's why she needs us.
- Yeah.
- I'm papa good-times
and you're the fun uncle. Her funcle.
Ooh, funcle. Sounds like a foot disease.
So no. How 'bout crunkle?
Okay, sure. Give me a crunkle.
Okay, crunkle.
uh, crunk it up, crunk it down ♪
crunk it up, crunk it around ♪
oh, that's got energy.
♪
right?
You know it's right, tami.
So on her first day,
tami shows up to work,
and she has two coffees.
And I said, "oh, that's so sweet.
You brought one for me."
and she said, "excuse me, it is 5:00 a.M.
Both of these are for me."
that's right. I did y that.
Oh, but seriously, tami, happy birthday.
I knew when I hired you that
I'd be getting a great host,
but I never knew I'd be getting
such a great friend.
- Aww.
- To tami.
- Cheers.
- Thank you.
Okay. So who's next?
Uh-oh. It's kenan.
Uh-oh.
all right. No, thank you.
I'd just like to say happy birthday, tami.
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
is that it?
Oh, um
And many more ♪
- that's good.
- What?
Kenan, maybe something more personal.
- Personal?
- Personal.
Oh, okay.
Uh, one thing I love about tami is
that she's from right here
in atlanta, born and raised.
She's actually from missouri.
- She is?
- Yeah.
- Oh, of course she is.
- But, uh, she's here now.
That's the most important thing.
And when I said "from,"
it's more like when people say,
"I'm from where I'm at mother"
- oh.
- I'm sorry.
Speaking of mothers, tami has
two beautiful children.
Two beautiful children and one
with a hell of a personality.
David, you're a lucky man.
You're a lucky man.
But the point is,
tami, I would like to say,
happy 40th birthday.
Four decades looks good on you.
I'm 30.
Of course you are.
And I knew that because 30 is the new 40
is what I was trying to say.
Why don't we keep the toasts going?
Phil, I think you were up next.
- Oh.
- Wow.
An ode to tami. "t" is for "terrific."
here they come.
Yo, yo.
- Hey, guys.
- Hey.
- How was school?
- So good.
Jodi harrington saw the tiktok that we did,
and she said it was fire.
Hey, well jodi is a tastemaker,
so that's poppin'.
My whole class was talking about it
until mr. Jones told us to settle down
and made us put our heads on our desks.
- Lame.
- Hella lame.
Look at him over there
directing traffic like he runs the school.
That's him?
Man, ain't nobody listening to that man
with them baggy, high-waisted pants
looking like man in a sack race
who just kept on walking.
I thought you only wore pants like that
if you were expecting a flood.
I thought you only wore pants like that
if you live in your pants.
"attention, all students.
This is mr. Jones,
"emperor of the parking lot.
Please keep it moving before
I drown in my own pants."
you guys are setting
a bad example for birdie.
Oh, pipe down there, little kenan.
- Oh, that is funny and catchy.
- Let's say it a lot.
Little kenan. Little kenan.
I'm gonna take the bus.
- Hey.
- Bye, little kenan.
- Don't take the bus.
- Aubrey.
You don't even have any money.
- What up, alex?
- Can I get an iced macchiato
with some cinnamon powder sprinkled on top?
- Yeah, you got it.
- Appreciate it.
Brucie, what's up, man?
How's life in the edit bay?
Lonely. How was your weekend?
Oh, it was fine. I went to tami's thing.
Tami had a thing?
, I'll see you in there, buddy.
Dah! Doh!
Just give me a little space.
- Yeah, okay.
- Thanks.
Hey, there she is.
The birthday girl. Dirty 30.
- Kenan, we need to talk.
- Yep.
You embarrassed me in front
of my friends and family.
I know, and I just told
brucie about your thing
that he wasn't invited to.
So now you gotta deal with that.
I'm sorry, you know.
But come on, your real friends
don't care what your work friends think.
Oh, so you think we're just work friends?
Yeah. Right?
Oh, okay then. Huh.
So we good?
Yeah, we are great.
dang it.
- I don't get it.
- Tami is acting all weird, man.
. I mean, we're friends on
tv, but we're not that close.
Am I trippin'?
Hell no, you not trippin', man.
Thank you.
You get paid to pretend to be her friend.
Besides, you remember
when they foisted her on you?
I didn't even know what that word was
until she got hired.
They did kind of foist her, right?
It was a straight-up foistering, dawg.
They hired you to host the show.
You delivered the hotness.
Then they get tami?
And didn't even tell me.
- Which one's tami?
- His cohost, rick.
She there every day.
Do you even watch the show?
Full disclosure,
my mornings belong to strahan.
- I respect that.
- Nice guy.
But look, as your manager, my advice,
keep it professional.
Just do the job,
and like the famous poet,
maya angelou, said,
"don't start nothin', won't be nothin'."
exactly. And we don't have to be friends.
It's not like we have anything in common.
It's not like we have that much in common.
Yeah, and we're not friends, rick.
We're forced to be around each other.
It's called family.
See that? Situation managed.
All right, I gotta go back to the office.
That's how easy I do that.
what? More business. Go for gare.
May I speak to gary williams, please?
Morgan state approved
another loan deferment.
You are not allowed
to keep calling me like this.
Uh, this is principal manning.
Birdie gave me your number
because her father is out of town.
- Later, losers.
- Oh, uh-huh.
He yeah, so far out of town.
- Are you a guardian?
- Of the galaxy?
No, sir. Of birdie.
We're gonna need someone
to come down here tomorrow.
Birdie posted a tiktok video
that was unflattering of
her history teacher, mr. Jones.
- Oh, hold on.
- Who is that?
Birdie got in trouble for tiktoks, man.
The principal wants a guardian
to come down there.
- Give me that.
- Don't say nothing crazy.
- Hello.
- Hello.
This is birdie's grandfather.
We'll be down there first thing
in the morning.
- Thank you.
- Thanks.
We can't go down there, man.
Why not? We can handle this,
and kenan won't even know.
I've talked to lots of principals
about much worse things.
- Like what?
- In high school,
I had an affair with the principal's wife.
Worked out fine.
We boxed in front of the high school.
Now was this fight in black and white?
And was charlie chaplin there?
- we're live in three, two
- Welcome back.
Are you ready to get your kids
off screens and outside?
yeah!
- Hey, I gotta warn you.
- Just because your kids,
it doesn't mean I'm not coming for you.
Yeah, he couldn't care less who he hurts.
Right, kenan?
What I think she means is,
I'm a three-legged race champion.
- And a two-legged jerk.
- Easy.
Now, we'd love to introduce you
to couch roy
wagner here to tell us about
the fulton county school's
new youth initiative, screens off, play on.
Screens off, play on.
Well, I'm super pumped to be here
and show you a few games
we're gonna be playing.
- Yeah!
- Well, we're super pumped
- to have you.
- We are.
All right. Who's ready to do this?
- yeah!
- Let's get it started.
- All right!
- Go!
Okay, kenan, just come straight.
Listen to my voice.
I'm trying. I'm trying.
Walk forward to me, kenan.
Just, okay, now in just, like,
a straight line.
Hey, hey. Get away from me.
That's just a stanchion. Come this way.
- Okay.
- Let's go left. Left!
My left or your left?
It's always about you. Your left.
Right, right, right, right, right.
I'm winning, I'm win oh.
Oh, come on.
ready, set, and toss.
- Good toss.
- Everybody take a step back.
- And toss.
- Nice and easy now.
Oh. Gee, I'm sorry.
- Damn it.
- You are out.
I can't believe you.
Ow. It's all right.
I missed breakfast anyway.
- Ready, set, go.
- Right, left, right.
Okay, this is a first. Okay, here we go.
Wait, kenan. Left, right ah!
- Get up.
- Just stay down.
You stay down. This is your fault.
Stop it.
Just follow the directions that
we clearly decided on together.
What directions?
Well, we may have gotten
schooled by a bunch of kids,
but at least we inspired
everybody to turn their screens off
and play with their friends. Right, y'all?
yeah!
- Okay, don't get too excited.
- You're just his show friends.
All right. Well, phil, take it away.
Say bye, everybody.
bye.
And we're out.
Yeah, I think that went pretty good.
you, kenan.
- And luck you too as well.
- You have much luck.
When y'all go home later, tell
your families she said "luck."
Man.
Hey, kenan, so oh,
your dressing room stinks
more than that segment.
Oh, hilarious.
Maybe next time don't tether me
and tami together
and have us crawl through a dog park.
I came out with two bruised elbows
and a tracksuit full of dookie.
Okay, what is going on with you and tami?
Is this still about her birthday toast?
No. She's all bent out of shape,
'cause she thought we were friends.
And it's your fault, because you hired her
and forced us to work together.
What? Kenan, don't tell me
that you're still hung up
on that after all these years.
Why wouldn't I be?
It was my show, and then you brought her in
- for no reason.
- No reason?
Do you not remember what the show was like
- before tami?
- Yeah, it was great.
Common marker.
And now it's time for a segment
called "kenan on kenan"
where I interview a very special guest, me.
We're so happy to have you here, kenan.
Yo, I'm humbled to be here, kenan.
And we are so humbled to have you here.
So what are your thoughts
on the middle east?
I don't know, dawg.
It's, like, far as hell.
Hmm. Hmm.
Take 17. This one, semi-clean.
But the toilet paper, rough as hell.
So I'm sorry. I'm gonna have
to rank the public restroom
on the corner of auburn
and peach street as a no-go.
I took my toast out of the toaster
and I just started crying.
I have chills.
Do y'all see luther vandross on this toast?
Okay. Hmm.
I don't remember it being that terrible.
Oh, I do. You were too close to it.
And you had a bit of an ego back then.
I don't know about that.
Uh, kenan, you interviewed yourself
and demanded you both be paid.
Man, how did the network not cancel us?
Oh, they never saw these tapes.
Yeah, I told them they burned up in a fire.
- Yep.
- Then I revamped the show
and hired tami.
She was so excited to be able
to work with you back then.
But you just had this wall up.
Hmm, yeah, I guess I never let it down.
Thank you. I owe somebody an apology.
Oh, while you're making new friends,
why don't you give old brucie a shot?
Pew-pew, pew-pew-pew-pew.
Hey, come on, man.
That's why people don't
invite you to the cookout.
This editing bay is making people weird.
the school enjoyed birdie's
tiktok video about mr. Jones.
It's been sent to him 150 times.
I found him crying in the toilet.
- Hilarious.
- It's also a direct violation
of our social media policy here.
Yeah, but you know, kids. Am I right?
They got all kind of crazy ideas.
They do.
But I think birdie got this idea from you.
- You a damn liar.
- Nobody gets an idea from me.
"attention all students. Th is mr. Jones,
emperor of the parking lot."
that man is a two-time teacher of the year
and won three consecutive
steve harvey hoodie awards.
You show him some respect.
- You was recording me?
- Sorry. It was funny.
- It was funny.
- Was it?
'cause it also carries a penalty
of a two-day in-school suspension.
- Suspension?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.
Can't we work this out? I mean,
maybe over a couple of margaritas?
I'm a recovering alcoholic
and an active lesbian.
- Huh.
- I got this.
First of all, congratulations.
Listen, I have very deep
connections with a little show
called "wake up with kenan."
how long would the suspension
be if I hooked you up
with maybe a backstage tour?
Meet and greet?
- Five days.
- What? Five?
- That's right.
- That's more.
- Mm-hmm.
- That's stupid.
Can we go back to that
original plan of two days?
- Good choice.
- Boom.
- Good job.
- Got her.
hey, I just wanted to come by
and say, "I'm sorry."
okay. Oh, great.
Well, I wanted splendid.
You enjoy that bubbly.
I guess I'll just shove
my apologies up my bottom.
kenan. Hey, buddy.
Hey, david. Man, I'm sorry.
I just came by to talk to tami, but she
is angry with you. Yore in the doghouse.
Glad it's not me again.
come on in, man.
- You sure?
- Yeah, come on.
Okay.
Sorry about the mess.
I didn't know company was coming.
- Oh, you're still here.
- Was the door slam not clear?
Oh, god. Tinky, come on.
He came all the way out here.
Just talk to him.
Here.
You sit. Have some champagne.
Well, thank you.
To be clear, he calls you "tinky"?
Yeah, it's short for tinkerbell.
I stole him from a trash bag named wendy.
Tinky, stop it.
That's my mom. Love you.
so look, tami, I'm really sorry.
About everything.
I realized I've been feeling
a way towards you
for, like, the last nine years because
I'm sorry. Nine years?
Yeah, but it wasn't anything
personal towards you, exactly.
I mean, you've been great.
Always have been.
I guess I just never let myself
get too close to you
because of how we were put together.
But I realize now that
I'm the one that missed out,
so I'm sorry.
Tinky,
bridger says he doesn't need
to take a bath today.
He doesn't get to decide. He's five.
Remember, you're the dad, david.
Ten-four, my love.
My little birdie was the exact same way.
She used to hate to take a bath.
We would throw her in the pool
with a tide pod.
is that bad?
Uh, I just bribe mine with popsicles.
Tinky's tta do what a tinky's gotta do.
- Am I right?
- Yeah, sure does.
- This helps.
- Cheers to that.
Oh, those playbills are cool.
What? Oh.
Is that one signed
by the wickedly talented,
one and only adele dazeem?
um, yeah. I'm kind of a broadway nut.
I used to spend summers
with my aunt in new york, so
I'm a touring show guy myself.
When "little shop" came through atlanta,
that really made me want to perform.
- No way.
- Yeah.
That and the money.
I actually have a playbill
from "little shop."
do you want to see?
That would be a little shop of honor.
You see what I put
a lile theater in the humor.
Oh, my gosh. You would be
so great in that show.
- You think?
- I do.
Like as the plant or?
No, I think you could play seymour.
♪
look, the best thing that wcan do is
just act normal.
- Well, okay.
- Let me see you act oh.
'sup, my dudes?
How was everybody's day?
Oh, fine. Fine. So fine.
Nothing but fine, actually. Right, rick?
Absolutely. Ordinary comes to mind.
Oh, yeah? That's nice. You liars!
There are nothing but liars in this room.
I know about the tiktok.
I know about birdie getting suspended.
And I know about the margaritas.
I know everything.
Well, damn.
How you find out about all that?
I have an inside source.
What did you say it was? About $80?
- Yeah.
- Here. Go on, take that.
Snitches get riches, y'all.
That is not how that saying goes.
- Watch your back.
- Whatever.
I'm going to treat myself
to a pet tarantula.
Hey, hey, girl, don't you bring no
eight-legged devil in this house.
Kenan, you were right.
Turns out being the fun ones is
not what's best for the girls.
I tried to tell gary that,
but he was all hyped up
on this crunkle nonsense.
Ooh, we throwing crunkle under the bus?
Well, at least I didn't try
to smash principal goodbody.
How was I supposed to know
she was a lesbian?
After she said it with her words.
Hey, both of y'all are guilty as hell.
Okay? Now I can't keep being
the responsible one
while y'all are acting a fool.
Come on. I need my tribe.
We supposed to be co-parenting, right?
So I'm sorry,
but y'all gonna have to help me
do some of this dirty work.
Go on upstairs and ground
birdie and take her phone.
- But she gonna hate us.
- I know.
That's a part of parenting.
First they love you, then they hate you.
And then they need something,
and it starts all over again.
They love you. They hate you.
It's like an expensive-ass roller coaster.
Oh, I'm talking to myself. All right.
birdie, we're gonna take
your phone away for a week.
good one, crunkle.
- It's uncle gary.
- Yeah, I know.
This guy sounds like
a little kenan right now.
But the truth is, there's
a little kenan in all of us.
Hand it over.
What am I supposed to do now?
Play outside like a chump?
Give it, little bird.
That didn't go so bad.
I hate y'all!
- Just keep walking, fam.
- Just keep on walking, dawg.
H.
Welcome back.
Now, normally we'd be doing
our southern food segment,
where we talk to our local gravy sommelier.
But this weekend,
my friend tami and I
discovered a little something.
We did. Turns out we're
both fans of broadway.
That's right. Big musical theater nerds.
Oh, but look, we don't want to bore you
by talking about it.
Nope. So we're just gonna sing about it.
Hit it!
Good morning, I'm Kenan,
can we be friends? ♪
Nothing too serious, it's 8:00 A.M. ♪
Good morning, I'm Tami,
here with a smile ♪
As Atlanta traffic backs up for miles ♪
I'll be your early friend,
just like your coffee pot ♪
Good morning, Kenan ♪
I will laugh at your jokes ♪
Whether they are funny or not ♪
And thank you for that ♪
♪
Good morning, Tami ♪
- Hi!
- You're never alone ♪
- Never?
- We'll talk on camera ♪
- For three hours.
- And later at home ♪
Good morning, Kenan ♪
- Hello.
- You're my TV friend ♪
- Real-life too.
- Our day is over ♪
Before yours begins ♪
Good morning ♪
I hope it's a good one for you ♪
Atlanta ♪
And the greater metro area ♪
Good morning ♪
Yeah ♪
- We did it, Tink.
- Don't call me that.