Kickin' It (2011) s02e02 Episode Script

Hey, Grace.
Meatloaf and peas Nice.
You know what I do? Sometimes I take my corn nibblets and-- Will you go out with me? No.
Well, now you don't get to find out what I do with my corn nibblets.
Dude, you gotta let it go with Grace, man.
You're just not her type.
What's her type? You know, guys that do things big.
The type of guy that stands out in a crowd.
Hello? Have you seen my new scarf? It looks like a snake.
- What's that smell? - It smells like actual food.
This is the school cafeteria.
It is no place for actual food.
It's them.
Here we go.
The start of football season.
Look at them with their prime rib.
They think they're so much better than us.
Ooh, I'm going to go ask that guy if I can eat his fat.
Sit down! You know, their quarterback just moved away, and they're holding tryouts to find a replacement.
Nice, I guess.
Wait a minute! I think we all know there's someone sitting right at this table that could replace him.
- If I have to.
- I guess I could.
I got muscles on muscles.
I was talking about Jack, ya toads.
I would love to, but between school and karate And I just got a turtle.
It's a whole thing.
The walking it alone takes forever.
Jack, you're the most athletic person we know.
- The school needs a quarterback.
- And we need meat, man.
Dude, what part of "Got a turtle" Don't you understand? I tell you what, I'll even go with you to the tryout for moral support.
It doesn't just work like that, Milton.
They don't let any kid try out for the football team.
Coach Marmer, Jack would like to try out-- Great, Jack, we'll see you tomorrow at 3:30 then.
Wait, what just happened? I'd support you and the team by joining the pep squad again, but as you know, Grace kicked me off for no reason.
Uh, you drop-kicked our mascot.
He was saying inappropriate things to me through his blowhole.
I belong on that pep squad.
Front and center.
And I'll say it, I like being looked at.
Kim, you had your shot.
Okay? Leave the pep to the professionals.
- You have pep? - Oh, I have pep, sister.
Yo, drum line, give me a beat.
S-e-a-f-o-r-d.
S-e-a-f-o-r-d.
Greatest school in history.
Greatest school in history.
Show your spirit, let's March the hall.
Show your spirit, let's March the hall.
Whoa whoa whoa, gonna hit the wall.
I'm gonna hit the wall! S-e-a-f-o-r-d.
Don't you get all tough with me I'm saying won't you come kick it with me and we could have a ball,run up the wall that's just how we do and no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you here we go,let's start the party chop it up like it's karate everybody don't you get all tough with me I'm saying won't you come kick it with me and we could have a ball,run up the wall that's just how we do and no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.
Jack.
Hustle it up.
Milton, I'm just going down for a tryout.
Do I really have to wear this? Five yards for a bad attitude, fella.
Sweet moses, is it Halloween already? I gotta put out the raisins.
No no no no, Rudy, It's not Halloween.
Jack's tryout for the football team.
Oh, I played a little pigskin.
You're looking at the man responsible for the tackle heard round the world.
- Okay, see you later.
- September 17th! City championship.
Seaford up by six, Sudently created high's legendary fullback bronco wiznewski burst through the hole.
As he raced for our end zone, I felt the weight of a city's dreams on my shoulders.
I hit him so hard, he spit out his mouthpiece, his teeth and his pride.
So wait, you won the championship? No, we forfeited.
Apparently there's some rule you have to be on the team to make a tackle.
That's dumb.
Jack, I'm so proud you're going out for football.
I want you to have something special.
- What is this? - Bronco's mouthpiece.
I'd give it a quick boil.
Milton, I gotta let you in on something.
I can't throw a football.
- Can't or won't? - Can't.
- Can't or don't? - Can't.
- Can't or shan't? - I can't throw a football, Milton! Come on, Jack.
I'm sure it's not that bad.
Wow.
When you say you can't throw a football, you really can't! Jerry says Grace won't go out with me because I'm not a flashy guy.
Well, there are some girls that, when you ask them out, you have to wow them.
You know, do something they'll never forget.
Really? Something big, huh? The first time I asked a girl out, it involved a dozen roses, some sparklers and a hot air balloon.
How'd that work out? She said yes, But she was allergic to the roses.
The sparklers set her hair on fire.
And as I drifted away in the balloon, I looked down and saw her going-- Got it, Rudy.
Go big! Yeah.
Hey, Rudy, look at those guys.
They have to sit together.
Clearly the whales are controlling their brains.
They're fans, Phil.
They just dress that way because th're excited about their team.
I don't understand.
If you're really a sports fan, you're not afraid to show it: You might wear a stuffed animal on your head; Shave the number "1" In your chest hair; Shout hateful things at total strangers.
It's what makes this country so special.
I think I get being a sports fan.
Oh, he must be a fan of the raccoons! Hey! Go raccoons! Go raccoons! - Go raccoons! Go raccoons! - Phil! That's not a raccoon.
That's a toupee.
Ohh, I'm so sorry.
Go toupees! Go toupees! All right, people, it's open tryouts for the pep squad, which means we have to see everyone.
Oh, it's our old friend Kim Crawford.
Hide the mascot.
All right, Jerry, you're up next.
What are you going to do? I'm going to do two handsprings, hit the mini tramp and come down with a perfect landing.
In other words, it's gonna be sweet and awesome.
Or as I like to call it: "Swaesome.
" Yeah.
Whoo! Not gonna happen, Jerry.
And about your pits-- get help.
What are you doing? You scared the daylights out of me.
You look like that thing that lived in my mattress only-- smaller.
I decided to listen to what you say and become a sports fan.
I am a crayfish.
You can't be a crayfish.
That's the mascot of our arch enemies creighten high.
We're playing them next Friday! Oh, I didn't know this.
I just love crayfish.
Are they a little lobster? Are they a big bug? All I know is they're always down to party, baby.
No.
I demand you take off that heinous outfit.
You are in whale country.
You know, I never really liked whales.
Who they think they are with their fancy hole blows? And the stupid way they communicate! You take that back.
You're crossing a line, man.
That's it! Bring it! Bring it! Bring it! Oh, dude, I'm totally getting the hang of this.
- I hit the tire! - That was great.
But with a small adjustment you can make it through the tire.
- Really? - It's simple physics.
The ball is a spheroid, so if you release it at a 40 angle while pronating your hand, you'll eradicate wind resistance.
Yeah, that's totally what I was thinking.
You did it! You got it through the tire! I'm a natural pronator! All right, Jack, let me see you hit murphy in the end zone.
Oh, Murphy?! Come on, coach.
He's never gonna catch it.
Look at him down there.
He's got those tiny little t-rex hands.
Milton! I got it.
Jack, that was a perfect throw.
He caught it.
Great catch, murphy.
Jack, you did it.
He's gotta go with you.
Naw, going with mike reynolds.
What?! But he threw the ball perfectly to that little-fingered freak! Yeah, sorry.
That is so unfair! Gaaaaah! Whoa! You just kicked a 50-yard field goal.
What's your name, nerd? Milton Krupnick.
Krupnick, you're our new kicker.
You're starting Friday's game.
Do you know what this means? Yeah, I know exactly what this means.
I'm a jock! - Come with me.
- Ow, take it easy.
Ow ow! Dude, you missed the best part of the game.
Milton drilled a 45 yarder right into the wind.
Why do the good things always happen when I'm in the port-a-pooper?! We're the krupnick party.
He's meeting us here.
We're with the foot, hon'.
No way.
Hey, can you smell that? That's the smell of fancy.
I made it, grandma! I made it! Thanks to Milton, We're in for a whole new life at school.
You are not kidding.
Mr.
Bauer gave me detention for riding my skateboard.
But when I dropped Milton's name, poof, it went away.
Oh, that's nothing.
Guess who made the pep squad? I thought Grace wasn't going to let you in.
She wasn't.
But Milton made a phone call and two spots magically opened up.
All this one has to do is shave his pit poodles.
I'm not doing it.
- Yes, you are.
- Told you I'm not doing it.
- You're gonna do it if-- - I like my pits.
It's manly.
Ow, fine.
All right, everybody, I have used kame socks.
foot foot foot foot! Foot foot foot foot foo! Hey, Milton.
Coming from practice? No, history.
The russian revolution really takes a lot out of me.
Are you wearing one of my oogs? I sure am.
When you have a loaded gun, you have to keep it in a holster, honey.
Oooh, shrimp cocktail-- my favorite.
Oh, hey, Milton, I came up with a really cool way to impress Grace.
All I need is to be the scoreboard operator.
I got you.
Hey, coach! Can my friend Eddie be our scoreboard operator? What, you mean this nerd? You got it, foot.
Hey, Mare you going to make it to karate practice today? I had study group at 3:00-- Had to push that back due to an interview with the school paper.
Sorry, not going toappen.
Hey, Milton! Team pictures.
Gotta go.
See you, guys.
- See you, my man.
- Peace out.
Oh ho ho, just a little off the end there.
Yeah, perfect.
What are you doing here? What did you do to this place? I told you, this is whale country.
This may be whale country, but you are standing in the crayfish den! Oh, rely? Well, if I was standing in the crayfish den, then why would I be singing the seaford fight song? - Don't you dare! - Seaford whales, we stand united - Largest mammals in the sea - crayfish, cover your ears.
Here to fight and spread our glory, swimming towards our victory Crayfish attack! Spout your blowholes in the morning Spout your blowholes Stop pinching me! No no, Kim, you can't do it, please.
Come on, stop being such a baby.
It's the only way she's going to let you in.
I think you made the right decision, Jerry.
- Kim, grip it and rip it.
- I changed my mind.
No grip, no rip! Don't do it! I can't believe it.
I didn't even put a dent in it.
The farrington comet is going to break orbit in three hours! We've been preparing for this since we were seven.
You don't think I'm disappointed? I'm the only kid in town that has farrington comet bedsheets! I can't go, I have to study.
Look what I got on my calculus quiz! What is that? It's a "B.
" We don't know who you are anymore.
Neither do I.
I need to quit the team.
Hey, Milton.
What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at practice? Yeah, I needed a little time to study.
At school, everywhere I turn it's "The foot, the foot, the foot.
" Isn't it awesome? Everyone loves you.
I mean, the thing is that's great and all, but-- Oh man, I forgot to tell you-- You know those tickets you gave me for homecoming? I gave them to tony from the pizza palace.
Free garlic nuggets for life! That's great, Jack.
But seriously-- You getting on that football team is the greatest thing to happen to any of us.
Hey hey hey, which one do you like better-- Milton's militia or krupnick's krazies? Wow, you made T-shirts? Uh, yeah! Having a football star in my dojo is like the coolest thing that's ever happened.
What about Jack's epic battle with the third-degree black belt on the great wall of china? Lame! So? Eh eh? Gaaah! Coach wanted me to bring you up here, show you the ropes.
There they are.
- Pretty nice ropes.
- You're darn tooting.
The only reason I'm doing this is to impress a girl.
I'm going to ask her out from up here during Friday night's game.
I did the same thing from up here.
I asked a girl out from right up here.
Actually it was just a seagull that was flying by, but I screamed at it.
I was like, "Will you go out with me?!" You think this has a chance of working? Yes, I do.
You know why? They do not give a ring of keys like this to just anybody.
Eddie, you're an original.
You know that? You're just putting it all out there.
And if this girl doesn't appreciate you, she doesn't deserve you.
We're gonna do this-- you and me.
Come on, up top, Eddie! Yeah! I'm okay.
Rudy, you really went for it.
Absolutely.
Check out what's going to happen every time we score.
That was my blowhole! Rudy, that has gotta be the most ridiculous outfit I've ever seen in-- - And I spoke too soon.
- Crayfish coming through! Rolling hot.
Look what washed in in low tide.
Rudy, they ran out of tickets.
Please, can I sit next to you? You won't hear a pippich out of me.
Milton krupnick lines up for a 42 yarder, His third field goal of the game.
Okay, I'm going to try to distract him so he misses it! Hey! Here's the snap And the kick is good! Yeah, no, good good.
No, I wanted him to make it.
That's great.
That's a time-out on the field.
Okay, it's show time.
- I'm going up.
- Wait, what? What are you talking-- no no no wait wait.
Quit it.
Ow ow, what? - Give me an "S"! - S! - Give me an "E"! - E! - Give me a-- help! aha! That's a riot! That girl just took a header into a sousaphone.
When I get this thing off my head, you're dead, Jerry! I'm pretty sure that was Kim.
It's even funnier now, 'cause I know her.
Dude, dude, dude, she's looking up here.
Go, man, go! What's he doing up there? Aw man, I don't think she can read it.
Here, I'll call it out.
Grace! Will you Go out-- With me? Not me, him! Eddie.
With Eddie.
- Dude, she's smiling.
I think she's into it.
- Whoa! Attention, both sides, would you please direct your eyes to the scoreboard.
Some kid named Eddie has given himsflf a masse wedgie.
Aww, Eddie almost killed himself for me.
That is so sweet.
Yes, Eddie! I'll go out with you! Hey-- oh.
The whales take a time-out.
A 52-yard field goal will win it for 'em.
Longest in seaford history, and it looks like they're going to bring in "The foot.
" Hey, Milton, check it out.
I got free popcorn just for knowing you! Hey, are you okay? Not really.
What's the matter? Every time I look at the football, I think of all the things I'd rather be doing.
Well, then why are you on the team? Look around you, Jack.
I'm doing it for you guys.
You said it yourself.
me getting on the football team was the best thing that ever happened to you guys.
I mean,because of me, Kim and Jerry made the pep squad, Eddie got a date with Grace.
And when's the last time you saw Rudy look so happy? Out me blowhole! Man, I didn't realize that we were all getting something out of it except for you.
None of us would want you to be unhappy.
So you guys would be okay if "The foot" Walked away? Dude, as long as you're happy.
- Thanks, Jack.
- Go get 'em, krupnick.
foot foot foot foot! Here it is, the final kick.
If he makes this, Milton krupnick will be a seaford high legend.
Foot foot foot foot! Foot foot foot foot foot Here's the snap Way to go, man.
Milton, you did it! We won the game.
- Party at my house.
- Yeah, you know, You guys go ahead, get it started without me.
- I'll catch you later.
- All right.
Dude, Milton, that was awesome! You did it.
And even though you're retiring from the team, You should go celebrate the victory with your guys.
I'm going to-- with you guys.
Whoo yeah! - Oh man.
- Cool.
S-e-a-f-o-r-d.
Greatest school in history.
Yo ho ho, Dana, I didn't know you were here.
Sorry, Milton, that was my bad.
Bro, did you know dana was here? Whoo.
She was looking good.
Yo, Dana, you don't mind my pits, right? Let's just find a team that we can both root for.
Um, the springfield meerkats? No no no.
A pack of meerkats did unspeakable things to my grandfather on a train.
How about the longanch stallions? Nah, can't do it.
I was horseback riding once and got knocked off by a long branch.
How about the brookfield bears? - I like bears.
- Yeah, I'm down with that.
- Smoothies? - Yeah! Hey, guys? Guys? Oh, come on, man! I want a smoothie.