Little Dog (2018) s02e02 Episode Script

1 Last week on Little Dog, my brother was hiding out in the woods from his boxing trainer, and he ended up poisoning himself eating a can of rusted meat.
Me and Mom had to depend on the charity of others.
- Not "Fish guts" Devereaux.
- Stop it, Lowly! We had to move in with Ginny who rooted out the truth - about the little fella Pamela's dragging around.
- It's my brother's kid! Apparently, Tommy's not the responsible "contraceptionist" I would be, if the circumstance ever presented itself.
I guess Pamela's single now too, but I wouldn't go for her, not after she had a kid with Tommy.
Unless he doesn't make it out the hospital, - then I suppose it's my duty.
- (SOUND OF CELL DOOR CLOSING) (DISTANT CROWD CLAMOUR) Hey, Tommy! Oh, my God.
I was so worried about you.
I heard you tried to kill yourself with a can of lunch meat and that you caught chronic diarrhea.
Your great-uncle Blink died from that.
Well, technically, it was ruptured hemorrhoids that killed him, from all the bile that was up inside his hole.
(DISTANT MAN SCREAMING) What's going on in there? You know, now they'll call it a riot, but it's just a little scuffle, really.
It was - nothing I started.
- Listen, can't you even try to pretend to stay out of trouble? Jesus, man, you're getting out tomorrow.
OK, you cannot keep living like this.
I'm a father now, and I'll be goddamned if I let you drag me down again.
I think you'll make a great dad.
Thank you.
So you, no more running around with Tucker.
- But Tucker is like family, buddy.
- I'm family! And I got my own family.
OK? And I mean, like, how am I supposed to be a role model when the only role model I know is either scamming - or thieving or lazying around in a jail cell? - Tommy, I gotta get rid of this toothbrush.
What am I gonna do? Are are you fucking joking? You go around with a shank?! That is worse, you're getting.
I came down here to try and talk some sense into you, maybe get a little bit of parenting advice.
Look there's not much to parenting really.
Just make sure you stay in the good books with the mother.
(INTERCOM): All inmates, return to your cells.
(ALARM BLARING) (MAN): All of you, back it up! Tommy? Tommy? I'm sorry, Tommy.
I I I promise you, I'll try to be good, OK? Oh, geez! No! Not the dogs! Not the fucking beagles! Chesley, you're ready? We're gonna meet Uncle Tommy at the market.
Why is the table up against the wall? I think it gives the room more flow.
Round tables don't go up against flat walls, OK? Excuse me.
You wouldn't know how to get to the strawberry festival, would you? Oh! Uh, yeah, you just, uh Google it.
- Are you wearing my slippers? - The floors are freezing.
You need a nice new rug in the hallway.
That's gross.
We don't do that.
We don't share slippers.
- That's like sharing underwear.
- Really? Um, tell me, how does one share a piece of string - that barely stretches across your hole? - No! Sylvia, no! There is no new wallpaper.
There's no new drugs.
This is not a castle, you are not the queen.
Chesley! Why would I want to be queen of this pigsty? Ha! Tried to do some laundry, and all you got there is that eco-green-vinegar hippy junk.
No wonder poor Chesley is going around like a dirty streel.
Yeah? I'll tell you something about Chesley She already knows, Mom.
I'm a fatherless bastard child.
- No, you're fine, baby, don't say things like that.
- But it's true.
Mom, why don't you consider what a fine job you did raising your own kids? 'Cause at least I can keep a roof over mine.
Ha! I'm just saying, keep your eye on the 6 o'clock news.
- I'm gonna strangle her.
- Oh, that's cute.
You thought she'd let you be the boss of your own house? She should have moved in with you.
Oh, but wait, you lost your house, and you lost her house, and now you're sleeping on my pantry floor.
Look, I won a bloody fight.
Alright? Rico is blind in one eye.
He might never fight again.
He's flat busted broke.
And now his son is my son.
Can't anyone let me celebrate? How do you think it's gonna work with, uh - Pamela? - (FESTIVE MUSIC PLAYING) She's dying for it.
I meant with the kid 'cause you're flat busted broke too.
She's not just gonna hand him over.
What do you mean? I mean, we're just gonna be all together.
Oh! Oh, I get it.
You're gonna move on in with a kid you don't know and just pick right up with Pam-Pam, and then live happily ever after? Yeah.
Hey Hey Think Cassius would like a sword? 20 bucks.
20 bucks, that's a steal, Ginny, what kind of kid wouldn't love someone who brought him a sword? OK, you know what? Yeah, yeah.
Fine.
Fine.
And then when he's done dismembering his friends at daycare, - maybe I can throw myself on it.
- Yeah.
Is that Lowly? And I'm gone.
I'm gone, thank you.
- Hey, Uncle Low.
- Hello there, young feller.
How goes the wars? See something that might peak your interest? - Is this us? - Oh yeah.
That's some quality Ross family memorabilia right there you hold in your hands.
Precious memories, oh, how they linger.
$10! Oooh! - Is this Mom's yearbook? - I don't know whose it is.
- You think maybe Dad's in here.
- I say most likely.
But you'll pretty be hard pressed - to narrow it down.
- How much? - 4.
50.
- Alright.
Here, uh - OK - What the fuck is this? - This is my stuff! What are you doing?! - What?! Geez, I'm only helping you get rid of a bit of clutter.
Sure you don't even use half of it, and, you know, with Ma, she needs some room for her stuff too.
- No! Oh, my gosh! - That's on clearance.
$5! $5! What? Yeah, I think it's broken, it rips through the batteries.
Listen to me, asshole! You take this shit back - or I will have you arrested! - Yeah, yeah, right.
Yeah.
Who's gonna take care of Mom when I'm in jail, incarcerated, having unprotected sex with the Protestants no less? Yeah, you never thought about that, did ya? (KNOCKING) Oh.
I thought you were the sushi guy.
Well, where is he? - Hey, Cassius! - He's asleep, it's 10 o'clock, Tommy.
- What's that? - It's a sword.
- I bought it for Cassius.
- You bought a rusty sword for a five-year-old boy? Are you nuts? - Yeah.
- (PAMELA CHUCKLING) - You need some company.
- I'm good.
Don't.
Come on! What was all that talk about Soldier's Pond, old times, all that? A moment of weakness, I guess.
'Cause you're dying for it.
- Tommy - Mm-hmm? What do you expect? Just to waltz in here and wield a sword and be his dad? My what? Man? My husband? Can I try? Mm-hmm? I can't.
I can't.
Go back to scrounging for the rent and picking between eating and paying the heating bill.
Cassius cannot live that.
You are not a provider.
Pamela, I'm back in the game, alright? I can get the good fights again.
You have a five-year gap in your stats.
- You are not bankable.
- I believe I just won - a pretty high-profile fight.
- Oh, come on.
Look, I've tried to get you signed.
Believe me, I've tried.
- Nobody is interested.
- Sign me with who? The Smallwood guy.
He's local and he's green, but he has access to money.
He's not interested in putting it on you though.
I'll get my stats back up.
I will.
Tell me where to find this Smallwood prick.
I'll talk to him.
(CHUCKLING): OK.
Well, I can give you his contact info, but do not expect to get anywhere calling him a prick.
(CHESLEY): What about him? Special needs.
Your mother cared for him at school, but I doubt she took it that far.
What about this guy? Nerd.
Your mother hated nerds.
(LAUGHING) Look, there's Devereaux.
He coached the boxing team.
I suppose he wasn't so shabby back then, eh? He was crazy for me.
Wanted to fight your grandfather and everything.
Gross.
What is in a dad? This fuddled-up world we live in keeps insisting that the family unit is somehow incomplete without the presence of a snoring Neanderthal scratching his balls on the couch in a cloud of beer farts Sunday morning.
- Are you with me, Gary? - Sorry, I wasn't listening.
How many kids, you got, Gar? - Three.
- At least we know he fulfilled his primary purpose three times over the years, eh, Dolores? - The oldest are twins.
- So, where are your kids today, Gary? Are they still at home? They moved out? One's in Toronto, and the other two are are out West somewhere.
- Where exactly? - One's in Kelowna.
The other's in Vancouver.
Oh (FINGER SNAPPING) Interesting.
Do you know why they keep Mom in the loop and not you, Gary? Is it 'cause they know it doesn't really matter if Dad knows where they are? Never remembered their ages at the ferry crossing.
Never remembered a birthday.
Maybe he was in jail for most of 'em.
OK, look, I've never been to jail! What what is this?! Come on, Doe.
(FINGER SNAPPING) (MOUTHING WORDS) Yep.
(BLOWING A RASPBERRY) See? Dads, they never stick around, do they? Nope.
They just run away like little bitches.
(DOG BARKING) Tucker, I know it's you.
I can smell Spam's shitty aftershave.
Just let me go! - Let me out! - You listen here, Tommy.
This is just the beginning.
We are going to cut your recently paroled father bit by fleshy bit until you tell us how you're gonna pay me back every cent you owe me.
Don't, Tommy! Don't listen.
I don't need this toe! Shut up, you! Spam! (MOANING AND SCREAMING) - (SONG SWEET CITY WOMAN PLAYING) - Hey, OK.
- Alright.
What? - It's OK, Tommy, I've got an ingrown toenail! It's horrible! They'd be doing me a favour! (LOWLY SENIOR SCREAMING) Are you serious? You want me to cut his toe off? Yes! Jesus Christ! What do you got the big things for? Shines the light on the city nights Oh, make no mistake about it, Tommy.
Before this night is over, these floors are gonna be awash in your father's blood.
There better not be blood on my floors! (TUCKER CLEARING HIS THROAT) Takes forever to get the stink out.
(SHE TURNS OFF THE MUSIC.
) Here, I thought y'all might be a bit peckish.
(TUCKER): Aunt, you're the You're a doll, Aunt Reena.
Don't I know it.
(AUNT REENA CHUCKLING) Ooh, Heavens above! Is that Lowly Ross? Well, my God! How are ya? God, I haven't seen you in a dog's age! How are you, Missus? Oh, God, I was just thinking about Frank the other day.
God rest his soul.
Oh, God, sure it won't be long now before I joins him myself.
What? What are you saying that for? - You're the picture of health.
- (CHUCKLING) Well, you always were the charmer, Lowly Ross.
(CHUCKLING) Now, listen here! My program is on now, and I want you to stop all this lallygagging down here.
You hear me? - Thanks, Aunt Reena! - Thanks, Aunt Reena! Haha! Number one! You have fucked me over for the last time, Tommy Ross.
I'd love to break your scrawny neck! OK, come on, Spam! Have a go with them snippers! - Strippers or whatever he got! - No! No, don't! Ow! Ow! Come on, man! Listen, I got a, uh - What?! - I got a deal with this new promoter.
I do! His name is, uh, Smallwood.
He's old money.
Uh, I was just on my way there when he grabbed me.
- Haha! Yeah.
- Yes! Ow! Listen, you can believe me or not, but this guy Smallwood, he's rolling in it.
So, a real, live Smallwood, eh? And he wants to promote you? - Yeah? - Yeah.
That is an interesting development, Tommy, no doubt about it.
So Smallwood wants to promote you?! In the meantime, you could do a few jobs, start paying me back.
No.
It's like you're not hearing me.
I'll get things sorted out, but I'm a father now, and I can't be doing anything illegal.
You're gonna do whatever I tell you to do! (LAUGHING): You didn't think I was counting on your - boxing skills, did you? - Ah, yeah.
Now, we got a bit of a problem in the organisation.
We're down a few foot soldiers.
- And so you - I'll do it! - I'll do it! - What? I'll run those jobs.
For you.
For Tommy! I thought you said that you were going on the straight and narrow.
You're gonna try to win Sylvia's heart back and get back the respect of your youngsters, - and all that whole nonsense.
- It's too late for me, I failed as a father, but Tommy still has a chance to not fail his kid.
- I'll do it.
- (TUCKER): Alright then.
Hand me over one of them sammies.
- Sandwich, Ross? - No.
(LOWLY SENIOR): Hey, Tucker, give us a sandwich, boy.
- No and no.
- I'm half starved.
- Too goddamn bad about you.
- Come on.
Good though.
(INDISTINCT MUTTERING) Sylvia! Oh, God, it is it is you! I don't believe it.
Please, please! Oh, God, what is wrong with people? - I am in no mood! - I just sat here saying my prayers, and look, you have appeared like some kind of angel.
- I do have a proposal to make.
- Oh yeah, right! No! Alright? Nooo! And I mean it now.
Just like I meant it the last 10 times.
This is different.
You see this plot of land here? That's soon gonna be my eternal home.
But before that happens Sylvia, I was hoping I was hoping that you, Sylvia Ross, would do me my beloved, that you would do me the great honour and the privilege of considering Jesus in the Garden! You can have it all.
You can have my money.
- You can have the Fish Empire.
- Do you think you can just buy me? No.
I know, I know, my personal hygiene, well, it's highly questionable, and my wardrobe is, well, rather dated, and I'm so silly awkward.
- And you're English.
- Yes, that too.
- 800 years of oppression.
- Yes.
Yes, that too, but I'm a decent man.
And I'm dying, terminal, and I want to die beside the only woman the only woman that I have ever truly loved in my whole life! Please! Please.
Come and live with me at the castle.
"Castle"? What are you on about? The Outer Cove Castle.
I bought it.
The castle? The one where everyone gets their wedding photographs taken? Yes.
It's mine.
It could all be yours.
You'd be the queen.
So, exactly how long have you got left? (DOG BARKING OUTSIDE) (BAG DROPPING ON FLOOR) (HUMMING) Hey.
I'm not, uh - I'm not mopping floors.
- Oh, you know, wax on, wax off.
I'm not judging.
Cassius loved the sword.
Of course he did.
- It's a sword.
- Yeah.
Maybe he'll become a ninja or something.
For now, it is going on the wall.
And you came here to tell me that? I wanted to ask you if, uh, - you wanted to - Yeah.
Yes, yes.
Just say it.
Ginny is taking Cassius for a couple of nights while I'm in Montreal, and I wondered if you are around and you're not too busy, - if you would like to keep a good eye on him for me.
- I'd love that.
- Great.
- Yeah, it'd be wicked.
What's with Montreal? - You and Rico - Oh, God, no.
No, no, no.
Rico and I are we are finished.
Just tying up loose ends, you know.
Ohhh yeah, man sweat.
God! Don't scrub too hard.
I I think I can be a good dad.
Why not? You're a good man, Tommy Ross.
Certainly you'll be better at it than your own father.
Come on, cut me down! Cut me down! Oh, Reena! Reena, come over here and cut me down, would you? Oh, oh no.
I'm not interfering in Tucker's work.
If you're still tied up there, there must be a good reason for it, Lowly Ross.
- I'll finish up the vacuuming! - Ha ha! A man with a vacuum, what next? Please, Reena.
Please.
My back my back is killing me, and and I gotta pee really bad.
Please, Reena, I'll do anything.
Please! (MUSIC INTRO OF SWEET CITY WOMAN BY THE STAMPEDERS) Anything you say? Yeah.