Marvel's Guardians Of The Galaxy (2015) s02e02 Episode Script

PETER: Rocket, this isn't funny anymore.
Rocket, answer the krutackin' comm! How does someone lose a whole ship? Bigger problems, Quill.
We may have stopped whoever was tampering with the satellite, but if we don't get out of here soon, we'll burn to a crisp.
That, I can fix.
Time for this place to chill out.
Really? "Chill out"? Hey, it's hard to think of element quips, okay? I can signal for help.
We already tried calling the Avengers.
It didn't work.
Oh, I'm not calling the Avengers.
(CHITTERING) GAMORA: Do all Terrans find amusement by staring at bugs, Iron Man? Not bugs, Gamora, ants.
And ants acting strangely means Ant-Man's trying to tell us something.
I believe I can decipher their meaning.
They wish us to look up.
You see anything up there, Tony? Yeah.
My satellite.
I think I know why they're not answering, Cap.
Hulk, can you catch it? (GROWLS) (GRUNTS) (GRUNTING) (GROANING) Oh, I think I left my lunch somewhere in the stratosphere! Where are Rocket, Groot, and the woman who flies? (PETER COUGHING) Wait.
What? They're not with you? The Milano hasn't responded since you disabled the satellite.
Captain Marvel's comm went dark as well.
Oh, that's not good.
(GRUNTS) Where are we, Rocky? Nowhere I wanna be.
And it's "Rocket"! Seriously, I'm gonna start calling you "Marv.
" No, you're not.
(GRUNTS) These cuffs are absorbing my photon energy.
I can't blast out.
Cool your jets, Marv.
We got this.
I am Groot.
(CHUCKLES) No offense, Rocky, but I don't think a walking tree and a hyper-evolved trash eater can help right now.
Hey, watch the hate speech, you furless fleshbag! (CHITTERING) (DOOR OPENS) You must be the freak in charge.
Here's an idea, pick a species! (BEEPING) Any idea what they want from us? From the looks of him, spare body parts.
(BEEPING CONTINUES) (WHIRRING) Specifically, our spare body parts! (GRUNTS) (GRUNTING) (BEEPING) (YELLING) (SIGHS) Just a scanner.
That's not a scanner.
Oh, come on! Nobody's slicing up this pelt.
- Groot, lend me a branch.
- I am Groot.
Still don't want a trash-eater's help, Marv? Call me Marv again, and you're gonna be eating photon.
(GROWLING) (GRUNTING) Impressive.
You're far more vibrant than my usual subjects.
I'll show you vibrant, Red! You will address me as the High Evolutionary.
I seek an extremely potent asteroid to power my array of machinery.
Thanos' rock? (SCOFFS) Forget it.
Do your worst.
We ain't telling you squat.
I am no torturer.
I am an artist! Besides, I've already found the asteroid.
You're the one who tampered with the satellite system.
Just a little performance art to lure you here.
My medium is genetics.
I travel the galaxy in search of unique physical attributes to add to my palette, and you have the privilege of being a part of my finest masterpiece.
You have such elegant materials to work with.
Photon energy absorption and projection, flight.
(GRUNTING) This one, mass control and regeneration.
And you Well, there's always one botched pot in the kiln.
(GROWLING) (GROWLING) Throw him with the other rejects.
Reject? (GRUNTING) Who you calling reject, you tailless, bulb-headed hack? Hack? The High Evolutionary is no hack! Let me demonstrate.
(SCREECHING) I have absorbed the raw genetic clay from thousands of beings and modeled it into perfection.
I am a masterpiece, and I will show you the meaning of hack.
PETER: Uh, guys? Look, I know this asteroid fell on your headquarters 'cause of us, sort of, but shouldn't we be out searching for our friends? As soon as we get this giant space rock off our scanners, we can pinpoint Captain Marvel's ID and get her and your crewmates back.
On it.
(KNUCKLES CRACK) (STRAINING) (GRUNTS) Looks like the asteroid's destabilizing.
I can't risk shrinking it.
Then we don't touch it until you and Tony run a thorough analysis.
Do we really have time for that? My friends are in danger.
So is mine, but we have to weigh the needs of the many over the needs of the few.
This asteroid could endanger the entire planet.
Once we know Earth is safe, we can take the Avenjet and look for Carol and your teammates out in space.
Wait.
Your jet can go into space? We could've been searching for them this whole time! Quill, Captain America doesn't want the Avengers to go into space.
We can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do.
Understand? Actually, there are several ways we could force him, but they would all be extremely difficult, given his large green-skinned ally.
What kind of stupid name is Avenjet? No worse than Milano.
All right.
What are you waiting for? Let's go.
(ALARM BEEPING) Controls are locked.
ANT-MAN: Yeah.
It's a security feature.
To stop thieves.
Hey! Ant-Man! Hey, check it out! It's Ant-Man.
I was just looking for the bathroom, and this is not it.
I thought you were supposed to be a good liar.
(BEEPS) And I thought you were only an outlaw if it's for a good cause.
Saving our friends seems like a pretty good cause to me.
CAPTAIN AMERICA: Seriously? Again? Congratulations.
Your unique abilities will live on inside me as genetic art, even though you won't survive to see it.
(SCREAMS) (SCREAMS) I am Groot! (ALARM BLARING) (BEEPS) It appears your friends are attempting to save you.
Let's see how they fare when I combine your abilities with my own.
Leave the machine on and store the rest of their power.
I don't want to waste a single drop.
CAPTAIN AMERICA: Care to explain why you stole my jet, and why you helped them, Scott? Uh (IMITATING STATIC) Cap, I (IMITATING STATIC) CAPTAIN AMERICA: Yeah, that's not what static sounds like.
Yeah, well, this is what hanging up sounds like.
(DIAL TONE) I'll say one thing for the Avengers.
Their jet handles better than the Milano.
Hey, my ship's just as Oh! (LOUD BLAST) Whoa! Uh, yeah, I think we found the guys that took our friends.
Then let's show 'em what happens when you mess with the Guardians.
GAMORA: Their weapons are better too.
PETER: Enough about the Avenjet! (GRUNTS) Can't hold on.
I am Groot! Don't worry, bud! I'm coming! (GRUNTING) Come on! Come on! (GRUNTS) (YELLING) (GROWLING) (CRASHING) I don't have my photon blasts! Great.
How long will you be useless? Useless isn't really my thing.
A rescue raid is such a cliche.
I must remove it from the canvas.
(ALARM BLARING) PETER: Just so you know, the Milano shields would've held.
BOTH: Not now, Quill! Quill! This is why I didn't want that maverick using our plane.
It appears he is about to return it.
We need to soften their landing.
Repulsor shield should slow 'em down.
Is Quill always this reckless? No.
Most times, he is extremely wreckful.
Cap, we got another space visitor, and this one doesn't look nearly as friendly as the Guardians.
Claws off my ship, freaks! I am Groot! You're really attached to this hunk of junk, huh, Rocky? If you don't like it, Marv, you can always walk back to the surface.
Fine.
Show me what this tub can do.
Your armor is trite and uninspired.
It barely compensates for your lack of natural physical powers.
Really? 'Cause your natural powers look like cheap knockoffs to me.
(THRUSTER BLASTS) And I got a feeling the originals just escaped.
Hybrids, retrieve my specimens.
Whoo-hoo-hoo! Check it out, Marv.
Could a hunk of junk do that? Uh, you mean lose control and smash through a wall? (LOUD THUD) Oh, and vibrate uncontrollably? (ALARM BLARING) That ain't us.
PETER: Rocket, how many time I gotta tell you? Don't let things eat my ship! Focus on the genetic grab bag.
He's going after Thanos' asteroid.
Trust me, we do not want him to get it.
It's true.
The High Evolutionary drains powers, and that rock is gonna make him even better at it.
(LOUD CLANGING) Looks like he's doing pretty good already.
HIGH EVOLUTIONARY: Stand aside, earthling.
I'm here for the asteroid, not to scuff my armor fighting you.
Sorry.
Avengers don't stand aside.
They also do not avenge.
You really have to let that one go.
(GRUNTS) Vibranium.
Quite an impressive tool for such a pedestrian species.
You think I'm impressive? Wait till you see the green guy.
(ROARING) Gamma-infused DNA.
Oh, I can't wait to add that power to my palette.
(GRUNTING) Not gonna happen.
Hulk! (GRUNTS) (GROANS) (GRUNTS) (AIRCRAFT APPROACHING) (YELLS) (GASPING) I appreciate the assist, Quill, but next time let us in on your plan.
You're assuming he has one.
Hey! Fine.
We'll do it the mundane way.
Hybrids, lock onto the asteroid.
It's time to incorporate this world into my masterpiece.
With the power of the asteroid, my absorption field will pull the life force out of this entire planet.
ROCKET: Not gonna let that happen.
PETER: That goes double for us.
I am Groot! Rocky, give me everything you've got, all on one side! But that'll just get us outta this nosedive.
(CHUCKLING) Nice.
Nice flying.
When this is over, Quill, you and I need to have a long talk about sticking to a plan.
Got a plan to stop an energy field that'll absorb all life on Earth? Not currently.
You're the fly-by-the-seat-of-his-pants guy, Quill.
What do we do? Believe it or not, I've got a plan.
Okay, 12 percent of a plan.
Do you trust me? Enough to actually stick around and hear it.
Shoot.
PETER: Two teams.
Team Awesome will attack the High Evolutionary's ship.
Your job is to keep 'em distracted, so Team Even More Awesome can sneak aboard and shut down that field.
(GRUNTS) (STRAINING) (YELLS) That's why you don't blast someone with their own powers, you forgery! (ROARS) I am not a forgery! Yeah, he's distracted.
Now watch a pro cause some real damage, Rocky.
Oh-ho-ho! I'll show you damage, Princess Sparkle-Fists.
(GRUNTS) I am Groot! (GRUNTING) Huh.
At least he didn't call me Marv.
Okay, Quill, so maybe your team's dysfunction isn't all your fault.
I know, right? Wait.
How was it ever my fault? (CHITTERING) (GRUNTING) Hulk, take care of the asteroid.
You mean smash it? How's about we disconnect it first? (GRUNTS) (GRUNTING) Guys, that rock looks like it's about to blow! My absorption field! (GROANS) Ooh, there's a prize at the center of the rock? CAPTAIN AMERICA: All that energy from such a small source.
Ever seen anything like it? No.
But whatever Thanos stashed inside it, I bet it could fetch a flarg-ton of units.
Or blow up the entire planet.
Agreed.
We have to seal it before any more energy leaks out.
(ALL GRUNTING) (RUMBLING) Step away from the sarcophagus, and I promise to make your end swift.
Ah, tempting offer.
Here's our counter.
Aah! Let me show you how it's done, furry.
(ROARING) (GRUNTING) That's our cue to move this box.
(ROARS) (HULK STRAINING) We could use a little help here, Team Awesome.
IRON MAN: We're way ahead of you, Cap.
I'll clear you a path.
Prepare to be destroyed.
(GROANS) (WHIRRING) You dare censor my art? Censor? No, no, no.
More like erase.
(ROARING) (BEEPS) (YELLING) How's it feel to be absorbed by your own paint brush, Mr.
Artiste? (GROANING) (GRUNTING) Whatever energy you absorb, the sarcophagus can more than replace.
I will not let you take it from me.
Quill, Cap, you got incoming! (BOTH GRUNT) (GROANS) You have no idea what forces you toy with! Maybe not, but I bet they hurt.
(GRUNTS) No! Did I just vaporize the High Evolutionary? Great.
Now, let's close the big energy-spewing shoe box before it vaporizes us! (GASPS) (ALL GRUNTING) ANT-MAN: Uh, guys? Something weird's happening.
I don't know what that blue energy is, but it is infecting the entire ship.
CAPTAIN AMERICA: Everyone, fall back! Rocky, we've gotta go.
Right behind you, Marv! I still gotta plug this energy leak.
- Where's Rocket? - He's still in the ship.
- Where is the ship? - I don't know, but I'm scanning some debris.
Furry debris.
(GASPS) How'd you survive that, Rocket? (GROANING) Never underestimate the little guy, Captain Marvel.
CAPTAIN AMERICA: Still no sign of the sarcophagus.
(BEEPING) But that's probably for the best.
Speaking of which, this belongs to Thor.
It's the Cosmic Seed.
Long story, but it's why we came to Earth.
I think it'll be in safe hands with heroes like you, and so will the Earth.
And so will the galaxy, with you and your crew guarding it.
Yeah, about that.
Guardians is more of a name, really, - than a job description.
- IRON MAN: That's all right.
You'll notice we don't do much actual avenging.
But should the need for vengeance arise, you know how to contact me.
CAPTAIN MARVEL: Come back soon.
I wanna out-fly you all over again.
Ho-ho, it's on! PETER: And once again, Earth, you're welcome! Where's Rocket? I thought he'd be thrilled to finally see us flying away from this planet.
Eh, he's probably just recovering from his big hero moment.
(METALLIC CLINKING) Hero-schmero.
I'm making some units with this sarcophagus.
Oh-ho-ho-ho! Pocket Dimension Storage Vial, is there nothing you can't contain? GROOT: I am Groot! (SIGHS) I'm coming! Don't get your bark in a bunch!