Mr Pickles (2013) s02e02 Episode Script

1 Hi, there! Oh, hello! Hello, indeed, yes.
[Roars.]
[Mr.
Pickles barks.]
[Speaking in demonic voice.]
[Whimpers.]
Hello! Young child, how much for a lemonade? I'll just take everything you got! [Chuckles.]
Hey! You're a midget! We prefer to be called little people! [Grunts.]
Oh! That thief just stole my purse! Mr.
Pickles Good boy Dog People's best friend Die Pickles Mr.
Pickles! Here he comes There you are! Mr.
Pickles Good boy! S02E02 Cops and Robbers I think today's gonna be a walk in the park! Not for me, Tommy.
[Sighs.]
'Cause me and Mr.
Pickles are gonna go walk in the park.
- Bye! - Bye! Huh? - Shh! - Steve! - Dad?! - Huh? Stop drinking all the milk at night.
It wasn't me.
I bet it was Steve.
Who? You know, Steve, the guardian of Mr.
Pickles' lair.
- Mis - Dad! - Oh, sorry.
- Oh.
Ah.
[Laughter.]
Oh, hi.
What are you guys doing? Playing cops and robbers, you idiot! Cool! Can I be a robber? No! But you can be an innocent bystander.
I'll be the hysterical mother! Oh, no, my baby! I'll be the black guy who gets tackled by the security guard for no reason! I'll be the guy that comes in at the wrong time! And I'll be Tommy! Drop the money! [Laughing.]
Spread your butt cheeks and cough! Are you an innocent bystander, too? Yes, just like all you other kids.
[Chuckles.]
Skippidy-bop ba-doo Skippidy-zabbidy jabbity-zobberty Oh, you boys seen this midget? Us kids ain't seen nothing! And the preferred term is little person.
Well, I'm off to catch that midget.
- Skippidy-bop, skippidy-bop - Hey, kid, what do you say we go play our own game of cops and robbers? Sure, kid.
[Chuckles.]
Hello, sir.
I'm selling fake windows today, and I Great question.
What are fake windows good for? You see, the, um Hello? Oh! Goodman! You better start selling those fake windows! But I don't even know what they're good for.
I'm starting to wonder what you're good for.
Boo-ya! [Laughs.]
Ugh! What am I doing with my life? What are you doing with your lunch? Take it.
I'm gonna take a walk.
Good.
I can feed it to my lunch.
[Laughs.]
Oh! Easy, boy.
So am I the robber now? Even better.
Am I a hysterical mother or the black guy that gets tackled by the security guard? Or the guy who comes in at the wrong time? You're the patsy.
He takes all the blame.
Oh, boy! [Growls.]
Now, you just stand there and don't say nothing.
Once I get the money, your job is to stay behind.
All right, let's do this.
[Laughing.]
[Barking.]
No, stay here, boy.
You're the lookout! [Whimpering.]
- Next.
- This is a robbery! Give me all your money, or I'll blow your frickin' head off, bitch! Pew, pew, pew, pew! [Laughs.]
I'm a patsy! Oh, what a couple of adorable little rascals.
[Growls.]
Who wants a lollipop?! Oh, what kind of useless good-for-nothing sells fake windows? Wait a minute! You're not useless, Stanley.
Help! I'm going into labor! Oh, uh, well, I-I-I Move! See ya later.
You saved me! [Roaring.]
A lion! [Screaming.]
Get back here, lion! You saved us! We are so hungry! You saved us! Wow! Oh.
Looks like you've seen better days, Mr.
Goodman.
But they got something in there that will make you feel real good.
Something to drink? Easy, now! Ooh! That's better! Hanging up the posters, putting them on the pole Where is that midget, I don't know Skippidy-bop a-doop [Barks.]
Oh, hey, Mr.
Pick What's wrong? Is somebody in trouble? [Barks.]
Am I in trouble? [Barks.]
Is Mama mad because I ate all the taco shells in her bed again? [Barks.]
Oh! You just wanted to go for a ride.
Perfect timing, too.
That midget's girlfriend is getting out of prison today.
Maybe she knows where that little sucker is.
You were just supposed to stand there, stupid, while I robbed the bank.
What's the matter with you?! You got crap for brains, kid? You been drinking motor oil or something? You screwed the whole thing up.
What are you, a retar I mean, mentally handicapped or something? Which lollipop do you want? Ugh! The red one.
[Both laughing.]
I can't sell fake windows at my stupid job, sure! But I'm telling you, there's got to be something I can do.
Can you keep it down? Oh! I can't even do that.
Geez, this guy's drunk.
He hasn't even ordered a drink yet.
I can't even decide what to drink! [Grunting.]
Screw it! Oh! I'm useless! [Grunting.]
[Cello plays.]
Who put that on?! Okay, Mary, now, I know that your boyfriend is that midget.
Tell me where he is right now! I don't know who you're talking about.
Okay.
Come on, Mr.
Pickles.
Skippidy-bop-op, bop-op Rappasha-da, la-la boppity-boo Hey, baby.
How's my little squirrel? I can't wait to climb up your big tall tree and hide my nuts.
I see you! [Laughing.]
Do the thing, baby.
Uh [Chittering.]
Oh, yeah! So did you get the money? Listen, babe, while you been locked up, I've robbed three liquor stores, two old ladies, eight piggy banks, and a gumball machine.
The bank didn't work out, though.
Well, you better go back, or mama's tree house is closed! I get out today, and we need more money than that.
Yeah, but And when you get it, bury it by the tree where we first met.
Then meet me at the Old Town Tavern.
Bury the money, then meet you at the Old Town Tavern? Why? Do what mommy wants, and little squirrel can get his nuts! [Barking.]
Get out of here, you flea bag! [Growls.]
What's the matter, boy? [Barking.]
Is somebody in trouble? Am I in trouble? [Whines.]
There.
Good as new.
Aw, Dad, look at this cute picture I found.
Oh, Tommy.
Oh, Steve.
Steve?! It's Steve in the picture! What? Let me get my glasses.
I got you now, Steve.
[Chuckles.]
Oh! It's you! [Barking.]
Oh! Oh! Oh, careful, it's hot.
[Barking.]
Oh, hey! - Dad, not again! - Oh! It's ruined.
[Telephone rings.]
Goodman residence.
Mrs.
Goodman? [Grunting.]
Just break! I think you might want to check on your husband.
I'm useless! I can't do anything! [Grunts.]
Remember, kid, I do the talking, you do the walking.
Okay! Whoops I talked.
- Oops.
Oops.
- Ugh.
Next.
This is a robbery! This is a robbery! Put the money in the bag! - Oh, no! My baby! - Nobody move! [Grunts.]
Looks like I came in at the wrong time.
[Snarls.]
Oh, man! Hey! You're that midget! We prefer to be called little people! [Both grunt.]
[Laughing.]
Somebody call the cops! I can be a cop! [Grunting.]
I'm gonna get you! [Laughs.]
Get out of my way! Hey! - Hi, Linda! - Hi! Aah! [Laughing.]
Eh! Whoa! I'm coming for you! [Laughing.]
Oh! [Laughing.]
This is fun! Whoa! Hey, watch out, kiddo! You little stinker! [Barking.]
[Chittering.]
Holy shmoly! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa, whoa! Get back here, you little midget! [Laughing.]
I see you! Freeze, robber! Drop the money! Sure thing, kid.
I'll drop it nice and slow.
[Grunts.]
You saved me! - Good boy! - Oh! He got away! But I think I know where he's going.
Mary, baby, I buried the money like you said! Ha, gotcha! You're under arrest! You'll never catch me alive, copper! [Laughing.]
Whoa, oof! [Groans.]
Well, would you look at that midget.
He was stopped by this fake window! Little person! [Screaming.]
- Stanley, are you okay? - Never better.
Turns out selling fake windows can be pretty useful.
- Here.
- Oh! Well, I'm off to work.
- Huh? - That was fun! Maybe next time, you can be the patsy.
Mary stood me up.
I think I was the pasty all along, kid.
Now, let's see what that stupid midget left for me.
[Barking.]
What is it, boy? Is somebody in trouble? [Yawns.]
- Steve! - Dad! Beverly: Go to sleep! [Sighs.]
[Barks.]
Thank you, Steve.
[Humming.]
Here you are, sir.
One white Russian.
Mmm! Yummy, yummy! Milky, milky! Where the hell am I? One lager, please.
[Laughs evilly.]
One lager, coming up.
Get me out of here, you freaks.
We prefer to be called prisoners.
And make that a Bloody Mary.
What? Mr.
Pickles Good boy Dog People's best friend Die Pickles