Not Dead Yet (2023) s02e02 Episode Script

1
Edward, hey.
Wait, did you bring my garbage again?
Because I promise I separated recycling.
- Nope, this was delivered for you.
- Oh.
It was re-routed from several
of your previous addresses,
so regardless of any recycling
you may have done,
your carbon footprint
is shot this month.
You know, you could have
just left this in my room.
Yeah, it just seemed really important.
- Huh.
- But since I'm here now,
I could use some urgent advice on, um,
a delicate entanglement
I have found myself in.
Oh. Oh!
Uh, I recently had a hook up
of a physical nature,
and I was wondering
what the holiday protocol is
if I wanted to do that again.
Ooh, yeah, a casual hook up
right before Valentine's Day
is dicey. Hmm.
But, you know,
take a lesson from the mail.
- Just, uh
- Oh, huzzah.
be direct and handle with care.
- Ah, package jokes.
- Yeah!
- I'll pass on those.
- Fine.
But directly asking
for clarity seems nice.
As your roommate,
would you like some clarity
on what I've been up to sexually?
Oh, I'd actually prefer
an information blackout
- in that area.
- That's too bad.
I had a lot of surprising
details I wanted to share.
That's really gross,
and the fact that you came
all the way down here
to give those to me
Thanks, Nell. I'll see ya later.
Bye.
Ooh. What is this?
Oh, wait. Did you take an Ambien
and go buck-wild on QVC again?
This was sent
to my old apartment in London.
- London?
- Mm-hmm.
That was like three addresses ago.
Oh. Looks like a fancy Crock-Pot.
- Definitely Ambien.
- Mm-hmm.
Yep.
And it's engraved,
"Phillip and Nell forever."
Oh, my God. This was
from my wedding registry.
On Valentine's Day?
Ouchie mama.
You okay, babe?
Yeah. I mean, it was, uh
it was like over a year ago.
It's just some silly appliance.
Nell, I know you're having
a little emotional turmoil
about your failed love life,
but do you think that Crock-Pot
would be free tonight?
- Um
- I have a mean recipe
for edible body paint,
and my guy is just six quarts. Move!
Tina!
Hands off my Crock.
2x02 - Not A Valentine Yet
Can I stash this in here?
I got to hide it from Tina.
I don't like the way
she's looking at it.
And what is happening here?
Oh, you know, just trying
to save my marriage
from the seven-year curse.
I think it's the seven-year itch.
Not according to my mother.
You know, she swears
that every seven years,
every single cell
in your body fully regenerates,
which means come year seven,
you and your partner
can no longer be compatible
because you've actually become
entirely different people.
Your mom also doesn't
believe in parallel parking.
Yeah, you know how disconnected
Keith and I have been since he's
been working in San Francisco?
Anyway, tonight, he's
coming home for Valentine's,
so which one of these is going
to reverse the curse, okay?
Oh, both of those together
smell like broccoli.
Pick a lane, baby.
- [Sighs]
- Oh. [Purrs]
So, what are you up to tonight?
You know, I abandoned
that mini over there
if you want to take it for a whirl.
I don't want to get stew on that,
seeing as me and my Crock
got a hot date.
Nell, you got to put yourself out there.
You can't let some dumb
appliance hold you back.
It is not holding me back.
Then what is?
Well
Beautiful smile.
You have to stop using it.
I need you to check my will.
You gonna hit that?
Murderer.
Felon.
Double murderer.
Double?
Going down?
Not for nothin',
but syphilis is on the rise.
Things are just a little
bit complicated for me.
All right. I just don't want you
to close yourself off
to the possibility.
Okay, fine. Sure.
I won't close myself off.
- [Coughs]
- I was just
In my open mouth?!
Hello, hello.
Oh, hi. What are you doing here?
Well, the express purpose of my visit
was to gauge your interest in revisiting
my physical body.
Hmm. Fantastic offer.
I enjoyed it fully.
Um, I think it would probably be best
for that to be a one-time thing
that happened three and a half times.
Well, thank you for being so direct.
Ah. It's my pleasure.
I guess this will be the last
time our physical bodies touch.
Enjoy it, toots.
Alexis, would you be a doll
and clear a path?
My chair is 100% reindeer leather.
What is all this?
Given the state of your personal life,
not to mention
the state of this paper
which I think we would
both agree are caca
Either way, I thought I would,
uh, hang out here a while
and take my office back.
Not sure what this is, but it's yours.
You do own the paper.
And what is the status
of your separation with Tanner?
Because his name
is on several of our estates,
and I might have used his name
to refinance my yacht.
So if there's gonna be a divorce,
we got to get our ducks in a row, huh?
Ah, I see. Well, I would love
to discuss the status
of my love life which I have
a very firm grasp on,
I promise you that
but unfortunately,
I'm urgently needed downstairs
to do some Zooming,
some Google Meet up-ing,
various phone callings, timing
people's bathroom breaks
Go get 'em, kiddo!
[Edward clears throat]
I-I think I need
a key card or something.
The elevator won't move.
What is this?
It's a pineapple.
Oh. [Chuckles]
[Smooches]
Aw.
Okay, enough already. I
Hey, uh Ah
"Love muffin" special.
Yeah, I'll have one of those.
Probably the only love muffin
I'm getting today.
Am I right? [Chuckles]
Uh, sorry, we just sold our last one.
Of course you did. Right.
[Sighs]
I don't mind sharing.
- Yeah?
- I mean, I think a love muffin
is meant to be shared anyway, right?
Yeah, well, I mean, who am I
to deny your love muffin?
Here, just
That is so very sweet of you.
Um, I feel like I owe you a coffee
or some packets of sugar.
Or I have the last table here,
and you could join me?
Unless, of course, you have
big Valentine's Day plans.
No. No, nope. Nope.
I am as free as a bird.
- Andrés.
- Nell.
I'll, uh, go wipe the bird poop
off our table, Nell.
Thank you, Andrés.
[Sniffs]
- Whew! Hey, stinky.
- What?!
Wow, you smell like
a Portland bookstore.
I actually kind of like it. Anyway,
- I have your next assignment.
- No Oh, wait, no, no, no,
can you No Uh, just don't
give me an obituary, please.
Yeah, I got a thing
that's kind of developing.
I think you're gonna
like this one. Trust me.
Oh, no, no no, no, no, no, no, no
- A-A-And sent.
- [Groans]
- Senator Diana Fernandez.
- Mm-hmm.
She's the one who tweeted out
her email password.
I was busy filibustering
to protect women's healthcare.
I'm also supposed to learn
how to use Twitter?
All right. If you need me,
which you will not,
my phone is off for the next 12 hours.
Great. [Chuckles]
Oh, hey. Lovely to meet you, Diana.
I'm a really big fan, huge fan.
So, um can't wait
to write your obituary.
Uh, however, since it's Valentine's Day,
I was just hoping that maybe
you'd take a back seat today,
because I met a total "shnack."
[Both laugh]
- How fun.
- Mm-hmm.
Who is he?
That hottie right over there. Mm.
That's my son!
[Bleep]
ANDRÉS: It's so crazy
that you're the person
I was coming to see
about my mom's obituary.
- I can't believe that.
- NELL: I can.
Yeah, it just seems to be
my kind of luck, I guess.
So, I was going through
all of my mom's things,
and I found a bunch of letters
between her
and Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
And I thought, you know,
maybe the paper could
do something with them.
You know, she always said,
BOTH: "Newspapers are
the cornerstone of democracy."
[Laughs]
Yeah, I'm I'm sure we would love
to run excerpts of your mom's letters.
Yeah? So
Hey, uh, I know we just met,
but I'm a painter, and I have
this gallery opening tonight
that I probably should have cancelled,
but my mom was such
a big supporter of mine,
I thought I'd keep it in her honor.
I was wondering if you'd want to come.
We could continue this.
- I would love to.
- Ooh, we're all gonna hang out!
Exciting!
But I can't tonight. Um
I-I thought you said you were free.
I was. It's just, I had this, um,
situation come up
that I have to take care of.
It'll just take me like two
or three days to clear it up.
I'm I'm so sorry.
I-I completely misread this.
Oh, wait, no, I'm sor
No, no, no. You didn't.
You read great.
I get it. I came off
too strong, too fast.
- I was just thinking that
- I've also got a lot of stuff going on.
- Right, I get that
- It's okay.
- It was nice to meet you.
- Oh, okay.
[Sighs] I blew it.
Wow. You really did.
Ah. Well, that was supremely satisfying.
Indeed.
I'm still getting a little bit
of mixed messages, though.
- I would love if we could talk.
- [Door opens]
Father! What are you doing down here?
Looking for you, actually.
What are you doing in the storage
Who is this? Does he work for me?
Seems like he makes sandwiches.
- Do you make the sandwiches?
- I could make some sandwiches.
No, no, no, no.
This is, uh, my lawyer, Edward.
Edward
- Edward.
- Edward Edward, huh?
Bet you're used to being tall.
Till today.
Is that all natural,
or are you wearing lifts?
I don't even have an insole.
Okay, well, this was
wonderfully enlightening,
but Edward was just leaving.
Oh, no, why? This is your lawyer.
We can discuss our estate
vis-a-vis your separation from Tanner.
That's not exactly
his area of expertise.
He's more of a-a tree lawyer.
- A what, now?
- The environment, the earth,
saving it, do-gooder, that kind
of thing. Bleeding heart.
- You lost me.
- Doesn't matter
I'd like to stick around.
I'd like to help us all
find a little bit of clarity,
legally speaking.
Ah, fantastic. [Chuckles dryly]
Sam.
Hey. What are you doing here?
I thought you and Keith
had fancy plans tonight.
[Scoffs] Uh, yeah, we did.
- Oh.
- But then he missed his flight,
so we missed our dinner reservation,
which is kind of problematic
because every restaurant
in town is booked,
but he says he's going
to catch the next flight,
which is totally fine, because
I'm sure it's got nothing to do
with the seven-year curse.
Uh, excuse me. Are you using this chair?
Are you using your face?
Of course I'm using this chair.
For my husband.
Who I love just as much now
as the day we were wed.
I'm gonna get you some more wine.
- Oh, thank you!
- Yeah.
NELL: Cricket!
- Hey, you!
- Hey.
Aw, I was hoping
I wouldn't see you tonight.
- What?
- It's Valentine's.
I thought that we could
throw some cheese in here,
you know, make some special
romantic fondue, just us gals.
This is sad. And I'm the dead one?
NELL: I know it must be hard for you,
as your first Valentine's Day
without Monty and all.
- Actually, I'm about to get some.
- Oh?
Look what's happening at my counter.
I've got a silver streak.
Nell, I love that
you're putting me first,
but I would hope that if there
was a hot man interested in you,
that you would choose him
over me and fondue.
Exactly, like my son, who, by the way,
got a 1500 on his SATs
and has never broken a bone.
I actually did meet a cute guy today.
We really connected.
Then why are you here?
His mother just died,
and it just kind of feels like
she's still around.
Nell, life is always
gonna be complicated.
You just have to go for it anyway.
You're right.
You're right. No more excuses.
He invited me to his art show
tonight, and I'm gonna go.
- Good for you!
- Yeah.
All right.
That's the spirit!
Now, ditch that blazer
and show some skin.
Do you bake? Andrés loves banana bread.
He says he loves walnuts,
but he really doesn't.
Actually, I had a thought.
Why don't you wait outside,
you know? Or Or maybe
you can just go, like, uh,
hang out in the ether for a little bit,
and you and I can catch up, uh, after.
As the senator from California,
I am reclaiming my time,
and I demand to spend it
with you and my son.
Diana, I'm sorry, but I can't
let talking to ghosts stop me
from living my life, okay?
I'm gonna write your obituary,
and it's not gonna be my best work,
- but I'm just gonna
- Nell!
I know I'm a lot, and I don't
want to be a third wheel
but I'm his mother,
and if the two of you are meant to be,
this will be my only opportunity
to see the two of you together.
Okay.
CRICKET: [Chuckles] Okay.
Can I ask you something, Cricket?
- Mm-hmm?
- Did you ever worry about
the romance with you and Monty?
I mean, you guys were together
for more than seven years, right?
- Sam.
- Yeah?
I'm talking to someone.
- Oh, I'm so sorry.
- It's okay, baby. It's okay.
You have absolutely no context
for this conversation.
So Monty was her late husband,
the most amazing man,
like, absolute love of her life.
You're not eating your charcuterie.
Is there a reason for that?
I didn't think you were coming.
Oh, I was just in my head earlier.
Yeah, I
I don't want to say no
to things anymore, you know?
From now on, I want to say yes
in my life.
- I like that.
- Mm.
You know, ever since
my mom died, it's really hit me
- how short life is.
- Ah.
I don't want to waste
a second of it, either.
So, we're both saying yes?
Yes.
Is now a bad time
to ask for a small favor?
- Do you want to see my new piece?
- Yeah.
- It's a portrait I did of my mom.
- Oh.
- Give me one second.
- Mm-hmm.
Fine, but you need to hurry up and go.
Tell him he's a bad artist and
I lied to him his entire life
and I love him and his art is no bueno.
- What?!
- People only bought his portraits
to get a meeting with a senator.
I tried telling him while I was alive,
but the timing was never right.
You need to tell him, Nell, now.
Uh
Voilà.
Oh.
Oh, and he can't do eyes.
[Chuckles]
[Gasps]
This might be a little weird,
but in the spirit of saying yes,
I feel inspired to sketch you right now.
Oh, it We can just hang, you know,
and look at each other.
I'm gonna go grab my sketchbook.
Okay.
- Well?
- All this time,
you were acting like we would
make such a cute couple,
but really, you just wanted me
to do your dirty work?
Uh, you really are a politician.
Fine, yes, I might have
manipulated you a little bit.
But this is my biggest regret in life,
and you're my only hope
to make it right.
No! No, I'm not going to be doing this.
I'm not going to do this. No.
I'm supposed to be living life for me.
[Sighs]
- Oh.
- You ready for me to sketch you?
- Absolutely.
- Great.
Uh, I'm just gonna start with your eyes.
So, I like to begin all mediations
with a moment of acknowledgement
for Mother Earth.
She is the real negotiator,
the litigator of the sun,
- the air
- Are we paying him by the hour?
Why don't we just get down
to brass tacks?
Alexis, what is the status
of you and Tanner?
Because I'd like to get a jump
on photoshopping him
out of the family Christmas photo.
Uh, it's hard to speak
to that at the moment.
I'm gonna let you in on a little secret
that I learned six times
over four marriages.
When you're hungry for dessert,
it means you're done with dinner.
Well, I have gone out
for a fro-yo once or twice.
And what is your future
with this Fro-Yo?
I think we could all use
a little bit of clarity
on the Fro-Yo situation.
I don't know.
This is complicated.
I-I'm trying to figure out my marriage,
raise my daughter, run a business,
and not show a shred of emotion at work,
just like you taught me, and it's
a lot.
I-I need some time.
Well, time is money, Lexi,
and it's my money, and I
- Objection!
- Excuse me?
- You're badgering the daughter.
- Is that a thing?
If she needs more time,
this line of questioning
could lead to emotional damages,
which you would be liable for.
Listen, let me draw up
some legal provisions.
I assure you, Mr. Rhodes,
anything she does with Tanner,
your assets will be safe.
In the meantime, if she wants
to go out for fro-yo,
I'm sure she'll figure out
a way to get some.
Fine. I suppose that works.
Thank you, Edward. You're
a very thoughtful and sweet
lawyer.
Your earth stuff is a little weird.
It is weird.
You know, I-I love that pose,
but you're still in profile,
and I want to start with your eyes.
Mm.
- [Clears throat]
- Yeah.
Look, I'm sorry
you see dead people, Nell.
That's really weird.
But maybe you see us for a reason.
And maybe that reason
is to help people like my son.
I mean, look around, Nell.
There's no one here.
He's gonna blame himself forever.
Hey, is everything okay?
Listen.
Oh, I am so touched that you
would want to sketch me, and
you are so kind
- and your face looks that way.
- [Chuckles]
I just don't think
anybody's ever told you
that there's something weird going on
with the eyes in your paintings.
And because your mom's a senator,
that's why they bought your work.
Oh, God, he's gonna cry.
He's such an adorable crier.
Oh, I can't look.
You're so right. I'm I suck at eyes.
- You know?
- You know?
Yeah, of course I know. I have eyes.
I just can't paint eyes.
It's my mom.
She was so intent on me being an artist.
She sacrificed so much for me,
I just wanted to do
the same for her, but
my heart's just not in it.
Tell him I'm sorry
I pushed this so hard.
You know, if I can guess, I
I think she would just want you
to do whatever truly makes you happy.
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
You know you're actually
the first person
who had the courage
to tell me the truth?
I think that's why I was
so drawn to you today.
You're also incredibly gorgeous.
I mean, have you seen yourself?
So sorry.
One last thing before you kiss.
Could you just tuck in that curl?
It keeps popping out.
[Sighs]
My mom used to do that.
Mm.
Oh, man, grief is an odd thing, huh?
Just comes and goes
in these giant waves.
I really miss her.
I miss you, too, honey.
If Diana were here, she would tell you
what a great son you are.
And as handsome as you are,
I think I need to give you
some space, you know,
so you can process everything.
Yeah, I'm I'm sorry.
Hey, when I figure things out
and get my life together, would you
maybe want to see each other
again sometime?
I'd really like that.
Um, I should probably
let the bartender go home.
Right.
[Sighs]
- SAM: Oh.
- NELL: Might I interest you
in some Crock-Pot fondue?
That is a lot of cheese.
Yeah. [Sighs] Cricket called.
Yeah, well, he missed
the last flight out.
I am telling you,
the seven-year curse is real.
- CRICKET: Sam.
- Mm-hmm.
I've been married twice,
and I've been in love a couple of times.
And one thing I know for sure
is there is no seven-year curse.
Relationships are up and down.
What matters most
is that you keep getting up
and you keep trying.
I'll cheers to that.
To not being afraid to keep trying.
Here, here.
Oh, this is a hoot.
Reminds me of when me and RBG
used to share a glass of Chard.
We got turnt.
I totally forgot
to do something, if you just
- give me one minute.
- Oh
- [Sighs]
- [Both laugh]
This wine, I feel like
- you gave me the good stuff.
- Love this vintage bottle
that I know you pulled out from the back
because I saw you, and it's
the only one you're drinking.
- That's right.
- Because you
- Mmm.
- It actually smells pretty good.
That's because the edible body paint
is three parts chocolate
to one part shortening.
You got to make it glide
to maximize the sensuality.
- Mm.
- How do you know this woman?
- She works next to me.
- It has to be very viscous,
if you know what I mean.
Tina, I don't like that you
winked at me when you said that.
Unh-unh. That's a wrap
on Valentine's Day.
Tina, you a freak.
Thank you.