Party of Five s02e02 Episode Script
Falsies
I don't even know where her parents live.
It's a place back east, I think.
Charlie I tried calling some old friends, but nobody kept in touch with her.
She just split.
I know, we've been over this but-- It doesn't make any sense.
She blows back into my life and asks me to help take care of my kid.
My kid.
And then she takes off like that doesn't even matter.
[SIGHS.]
She must have changed her mind.
That's not her right! She can't do that.
How can she just do that? I know I'm not the greatest person to be saying this, but-- [SIGHS.]
If you think about it I don't know, but Maybe it's easier this way.
Easier for who? Well For you.
For me? Are you kidding? Okay, for Spencer then.
You said yourself, you know, before, that it can't be in his best interests to have someone come in and out of his life all the time.
It's got to be better than growing up without a father.
Maybe.
The more time you spend with him, the more you're gonna fall in love with him, the more he'll fall in love with you.
Who's to say that she wouldn't take off anyway? [.]
Kirsten, I worry about him.
I know that sounds crazy, but I do.
Of course you do.
But [SIGHS.]
By leaving like this, she's telling you that it's not your responsibility anymore.
She's letting you off the hook and Maybe that's for the best.
So I'm supposed to just forget about him? How can I do that? How can I possibly do that? [THE BODEANS' "CLOSER TO FREE" PLAYING.]
Everybody wants to live Like they wanna live And everybody wants to love Like they wanna love Everybody wants to be Closer to free-ee-ee-ee Closer to free [CHILDREN'S CHATTER, MICROPHONE FEEDBACK.]
And so, classes of '96 through '98, it is my pleasure to welcome you back for another school year.
[SCATTERED APPLAUSE.]
Thank you.
Thank you.
Now announcements.
I'd like to remind the senior class that it's time to begin thinking about your college plans.
Isn't she supposed to be dead? Mrs.
Stickley? God, she'll be here when our children are in high school.
"Our" meaning "each of us respectively.
" Shh.
I'm trying to get this stuff about college.
You're taking notes? Look at this.
He's taking notes.
We have a couple of new rules this year.
Students must Wait, wait.
Go to the left.
Left? Mm-hm.
No, your left.
MISS STICKLEY: And more importantly, self-control.
There? There.
Therefore, there is to be no touching, feeling, fondling or kissing on campus.
Hand-holding and "hello, goodbye" kisses will be acceptable at the discretion of the faculty.
Thank you all very much and welcome back to school.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGING.]
You want to let me in on this? My dad wants me to go to Perry.
[LAUGHS.]
Perry? I can't get into Perry.
You'll have to screw up your application.
Put downax murderer as a career goal or something.
Or maybe for some strange reason you actually want to do this.
Well, I was thinking about it.
I mean, I'm going out there, you know, to interview and check out the campus.
I'm sort of flying out tonight-- Tonight? And what? You were just going to let me think you'd vanished? Look, why don't you come with me? Dad was going until he got a more important call on line two so the ticket's paid for.
It's only three days.
What am I gonna do around campus for three days while you're off playing Mr.
Ivy League? I don't know, Bay.
What are you gonna do here? Unless of course you're planning on buckling down and hitting the books.
WOMAN: Sullivan, Nancy.
Large.
Locker 37.
Suit up.
Salinger, Claudia.
Size? Ummedium? How about extra small? [GIRLS LAUGH.]
Um, small's fineI guess.
Okay.
Locker 38.
Suit up.
Burgess, Kate.
Ooh! Sorry.
Sorry.
GIRL: What is it? [SHOWER SPRAYING.]
GIRL: It's on the bottom! [LOCKER BANGS SHUT, INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
GIRL: Watch it! Ever notice how when somebody tells you you can't do something, it's all you can think about doing? Only now, that's what I'm restricted to.
A "hello, goodbye," might as well be kissing my sister, no moving parts allowed, kind of thing.
I think that's up to the discretion of the faculty.
Oh.
Hmm.
When I really want to do this.
Justin, maybe we shouldn't.
You're right.
Might lead to insanity or something.
[LAUGHS.]
Miss Salinger.
Mr.
Thompson.
We were just saying goodbye.
Well, say it again and you're in detention.
Oh, please.
It's not like we were having sex in the teachers lounge.
It's school policy, Mr.
Thompson.
Fine, then.
Your choice.
That's detention for both of you.
Okay.
I got football, basketball, baseball.
[DING.]
That shows I'm pretty well-rounded, right? Yeah.
You'll be a regular big man on campus.
STEWARDESS: so we can get an accurate head count.
Look, you want to come along just to make sure my guilt barometer doesn't dip below red, fine.
Go ahead.
Heap it on.
But you know what? I'm still glad you're doing this because I think it might actually be good for you.
You're right.
I'll be able to picture your surroundings while I send you hate mail from Loser Community.
Will you stop it with that stuff? You're going to college somewhere.
And think about it.
It's college, Bay.
Women.
Adventure.
Ivy.
I mean, it's like a whole new life.
Clean slate all the way.
You can totally start over.
Let's face it, Will.
I am who I am.
Mr.
Fordham? Thirty-two A and B? Mr.
Fordham? No, no, there must be a-- Please.
Bill.
Hi.
I just wanted to let you know that we're just a teensy bit overbooked in coach right now.
So we're inviting some of our preferred flyers to join first class.
If that's all right with you, of course.
Uh, I guess we could live with that.
What do you think? Sure.
Yeah, happy to help out.
Great.
Then follow me.
Kirsten, can you hand me that wrench? This other section's gonna have to come off.
It's clogged or something.
I don't know.
Wow.
Do I look kind of green to you? 'Cause I'm kind of clammy and And I think I'm going to ralph.
[PANTS.]
You don't feel warm.
You want some ginger ale? That's okay.
I just feel like I don't know.
Maybe just a 72-hour bug or something.
Charlie, before I forget, will you sign this for me? A 72-hour bug, Claud? What's going on? Nothing.
Maybe I should just go lie down.
I just hate to have to miss any school, that's all.
Come on: Charlie Salinger on the line "parent and/or guardian.
" Nice try.
You're going to school.
Oh, man! Like that's fair? You let Bailey cut and go look at that school.
I didn't let Bailey do anything.
Will you just sign this? I'm talking to Claudia.
Detention? Don't pop an artery.
It's just-- What the hell you do, Jule? It's no big deal, Charlie.
What do you care? Fine.
You're right.
I don't care.
Whatever you did, it's none of my business.
Claud, you want to skip school, go right ahead, you and Bailey both.
I'll write you notes until you're 30.
Just do whatever the hell you want.
[CRICKETS CHIRRUP.]
Hey, know what? Let's get out of here and go listen to some music or something.
Come on.
It'll be fun.
I used to babysit for those guys.
And they thought 'cause I was just their stupid brother they could do whatever they wanted.
I mean I'd try to get them to go to bed or watch an R-rated movie on cable, and they'd be like, you know, "You're not the boss of me.
" [LAUGHS.]
The only way I could keep them in line was to threaten them, you know? "Wait till Mom and Dad get home.
" Only now, I'm 25 years old, and I'm trying to be a father.
I really am and, you know hey, I'm just the babysitter.
[LAUGHS.]
That's all I'm ever going to be.
That's not true, Charlie.
Yes, it is.
Except there's this kid out there.
My kid.
My son.
[SNORTS.]
I'm his father, Kirsten.
And he might actually, you know, look up to me and listen to me and love me.
And that'd just be I have to find him.
I have to find him, and I have to be his dad.
I just do.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGING.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Okay.
Is everybody here for the tour? That's us! Will McCorkle.
Great.
I'm Keri.
What's your name? Oh, uh, I'm just Bailey Salinger.
What, should I call you "just" or maybeJ.
B.
? Uh Bailey's fine, actually.
WILL: So, uh, Bay, you wanna meet back at the room? We should probably get started on the tour.
I can't wait to get a look at this place.
Let's do it.
Let's.
Definitely.
Okay.
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY.]
So, um, Will McCorkle? Great.
MAN: Yes, that's me.
Mark Knowles? And, um That's funny.
You said Salinger? Yeah.
Um, but I'm probably in with the transfers.
See, Will and I, we're old friends from San Francisco, and he wrote me to tell me that he was coming out to look at Perry, and I'm thinking of transferring from state.
Oh.
Yeah, well, I've heard all about you state guys.
Well, I'm an exception.
Why don't we all head over to north campus and get the dull stuff out of the way first? Great.
I have got a ton of questions.
So, Keri, what do you study? Premed.
Puke, right? Oh, I don't know.
Kind of been noodling that myself.
BAILEY: So where did you say we're going first? I've been to every university and art school in town.
I told you.
If you knew how many guys come in here asking for the numbers of women they've seen naked-- This isn't about that.
Just look and tell me if she models here.
[SIGHS.]
I think you should go.
Hey! Do you want me to call the police? Look she took off with my son, okay? My three-year-old son.
And I didn't even know I had a son until a few days ago, and this whole thing is just driving me crazy.
You have to help me, and I am not going to leave here until you do.
[SIGHS.]
What was the name again? Pamela.
Pamela Rush.
Hmm.
She called in yesterday looking for work.
Finally.
The Incredibra.
Yes, that's right.
Just how incredible is that? Oh.
Well, never mind.
Well, what about the junior? Uh, size? Wow! I don't know.
Um well, actually Actually it's a gift.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's a gift for my little sister.
Yeah, well, she's 14 and Oh, no, no, no.
She definitely needs more than a training bra.
Well, you know, something with a little room in it.
No, not a C cup.
Well, more like more like an A.
Or maybe A minus? Hello, hey! Big Kiss-Off tomorrow after sixth period.
Lips unite for civil rights.
[CHEERING AND WHOOPING.]
[WOLF WHISTLE.]
Justin, do you really think anyone's actually going to do this? Yeah.
Civil disobedience.
Sex.
It's not like we're asking them to pick up a gun and run at the White House or anything.
[BELL DINGING.]
Hey, there's Griffin.
Could use people who aren't scared of detention.
Justin-- Hey, Griffin.
Hey.
Oh, you got one.
So are you gonna come? Are these your lips? Oh, um, Sheryl Crow's, actually.
We could really use your help.
You got somebody for me to kiss? Well, what about your, uh Erica? Uhuh That's not happening.
That's history.
Thanks, anyway.
[WILD ROCK MUSIC BLARING.]
So are you in a sorority? No.
It's It's totally not my scene.
Hmm.
I like to keep my personal time, you know, open.
Really? Me too.
I got better things to do than spend all my time with a bunch of other guys.
Yeah.
Probably like spending time with your girlfriend, right? I'm sorry.
Sensitive subject? No.
Uh, no.
No.
I don'tactually have a girlfriend.
Was it a messy breakup? No.
No, no.
It was It's No, it was nothing like that.
The truth is I guess I've never really been in love.
Get out of here.
You? Yeah.
Yeah, I don't know.
I don't know.
I guess Guess I've never really met the right girl, actually.
Oh.
Clear she's going down Wake up Wake up [SIREN BLARES OUTSIDE.]
Charlie! What are you doing here? I want an explanation.
Sorry, guys.
Let's take a break.
Could you hand me my robe? Were you gonna call me? Write me a letter? Tell me where to send the checks? Actually, no, I wasn't.
I, uh You come to me for help, and when I say I'll give it to you-- I know.
I know.
I guess what you wanted to give was more than I wanted from you.
What you wanted? What about Spencer? Charlie What? What? You just decided that I wouldn't be a good father? You think I'm so terrible that you don't want me to be a part of his life? You don't know me at all, Pam.
A lot can happen in four years.
I mean, God, he's my son.
No, he isn't, Charlie.
Why are you doing this? Why are you lying to me? [SIGHS.]
I'm not lying to you, Charlie.
The truth is Spence was born 11 months after you and I split up.
And I lied about the dates so you'd think he was yours because Because I remember what you used to be like.
And I thought I thought if I told you he was yours, you would just give me some money and send me on my way.
And I didn't know what else to do.
Money's really tight.
My mother doesn't think that I'm providing for him.
And I think that she's even talked to a lawyer because she wants to take him away from me.
And he's all I've got.
But that's not your problem because he's not your son, Charlie.
He's not.
And I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I mean, how hard is it to shave two months off his age? That's an easy lie.
But why? Why would she do that? Maybe she thinks I'm still the way I used to be.
Maybe she can't get past that.
I don't know, Charlie.
I mean, yes, it was a terrible thing to do to you.
Horrible.
But There's got to be more to it than that.
You know, I played with this kid.
I saw him.
And this may sound crazy, but I felt a connection.
Claud, you about done in there? CLAUDIA: Almost! And I can't just take her word for this.
If I do, I'll be wondering about it for the rest of my life.
Claudia! CLAUDIA: Hold on! Just a second.
What? Nothing.
I was just wondering about today.
How we're supposed to get our marriage license and that maybe we should just put it off until you have time to deal with this.
No.
No, we should go.
I'm positive.
Are you sure? Because-- I want to.
Is Claud still in there? Claudia? Come on.
CLAUDIA: In a minute.
Oh, it's okay.
I'll go downstairs.
[.]
CLAUDIA: Sorry.
I was, umflossing.
Will, we really don't have to run.
I just wanted to get there a few minutes early so I won't be all sweaty for my interview.
I'm sorry I was late.
It's just-- We sort oflost track of time.
"We"? As inyou and Bailey? Yeah.
We met for breakfast and then we just spent hours at the student museum.
Really? How was that? He is so great.
He mentioned he's really into postmodernism, and-- Can you believe it? There just happens to be this exhibit here on campus.
So I just had to show him.
Well, I guess he gets the whole culture thing from his parents.
Yeah, that's what he said.
God, the way he talks about them, they sound so great.
Yeah.
They really were.
Were? Well, I just wanted to say I'm sorry.
You know, about you and Erica.
Yeah, why? Well, I just am.
I mean, I know it's hard when you break up with someone, and since you're my, um, friend, I just hate to see you go through that, you know? But if you don't wanna talk about it, it's okay.
What's to talk about? Oh, so you broke up with her and not the other way around? I mean It justsort of happened, you know? She's just always talking about nothing, you know? Yeah.
[.]
Well, I'll see you around.
Oh, yeah! Uh, good luck with that kissing thing.
[SIGHS.]
You were right.
I'm off the hook.
Put them right up here.
Hey, Sarah.
Are you going to join us? Well, not technically, no.
For obvious reasons.
I just came to show my support.
I've never really been part of a protest before.
It's kind ofinvigorating.
JUSTIN: Great.
Well, uh, if you wanna be point person, keep an eye out for Miss Stickley.
She's coming from the lounge.
Got it.
Hey, give me something good for the front page.
Front page? Of the school paper.
You guys are the official poster kids for the kissing cause, so So kiss.
SARAH: Ooh! Ooh, ooh! Vice squad at 9 o'clock! Perfect.
Give us a big one! Okay.
Okay, everybody, this is it.
So, uh So, uhgo for it.
Justin-- Nothing, just What's wrong? Well, this really feels stupid.
I know.
That's the whole point.
Maybe we're making too much of this.
We're making a statement.
Well, maybe we should make a statement about I don't know, saving the rainforest or the ozone layer or something that actually matters.
MISS STICKLEY: Mr.
Thompson? What's all this, Mr.
Thompson? The Big Kiss-Off.
Apparently.
Hey, Jul, did you get that message on the machine from the guy with the school paper? 'Cause he called again.
He said that he wants a comment and-- Hello? Asking you if-- What do you think you're doing? Go take those off.
God, you look stupid.
Boy, forget you.
Like it's any of your business anyway.
It's ridiculous.
I mean, why are you doing this? Oh, you'd really understand.
It's not like you ever had this problem.
Trust me, Claud, okay, you're so much better off staying 12 until you're like 80.
It's a whole lot simpler.
I bet you didn't feel that way when you were starting junior high.
I mean, I thought it was gonna be like this really big deal, and everything was gonna be different, and I was gonna be all grown up or something.
And then I go there, and it's not any different, and it's not any better, and I don't know what to do because I'm exactly the same, only now I'm taking gym with a bunch of Amazons with D cups, and I just-- Well, I wanna look like everybody else.
[.]
So I was thinking that maybe I could come back in a few weeks.
And if I make early acceptance, I'm gonna be starting spring semester.
So that'd be pretty cool, right? Yeah, Bailey, that would be great.
Well, I'm-- I'm babbling here.
I do that sometimes when I'm nervous, just babble.
So you wanna, uh, get out of here? You wanna go grab something to eat or see a movie? Or Or just do this.
This is nice.
Hey, I'm coming back, you know.
Bailey, not now.
Okay.
Why not? God, it's like, intellectually, I have every right to be angry with you, but when I think about everything you've been through, I just I understand, you know? [.]
Oh.
I'm so sorry, Bailey.
I wasn't going to say anything, but I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you.
Will told you.
And-- About yourgirlfriend.
And about your parents.
[SIGHS.]
Look, thanks.
It's been a blast.
Bailey, wait.
I want you to stay.
Why? Why? So you can look at me like that all night? No, I just thought maybe you'd wanna talk about it.
No, see, that's just it, Keri.
I don't wanna talk about it.
I'm handling this, you know? I'm-- I'm figuring it out.
And people looking at me and asking me if I'm okay all the time, that doesn't help at all.
That just makes everything worse.
I just wanted to get away from that for once.
For once.
And now I can't.
[.]
I'm sorry.
Bed's kinda empty.
What are you doing? Ed McMahon addressed to you.
Probably should toss it.
'Cause it'll just lay around.
You'll think about sending it in, but you won't.
And then it'll still be here.
It's only gonna irritate me, so I should probably just throw it out.
You do that, you know? It's 4:00 in the morning.
I mean, I kinda like things to be in their place, you know? Like, bills sorted, junk mail tossed out.
But you're happy with all these little piles of stickies with your handwriting on them.
All these little Charlie nests that end up laying around wherever they end up.
And I guess it's okay, because I mean, I'm in love with you, and I'm the one with the issue, so I don't mind.
But I'm wondering, am I still gonna feel this way in five years? Or 25? Is it gonna be endearing or is it gonna make me crazy? What are you talking about? I'm scared.
Because I leave junk mail on the counter? No.
Because I know you're in love with me, and you're willing to overlook things right now.
But I have this little problem, Charlie.
I can't have children.
And I know that you say you're okay with that now, but I've been here.
I've watched you go through this whole thing.
And I'm scared because I saw the look on your face when you found out Spencer wasn't really yours.
And I saw how much he mattered to you.
Your heart is broken over something that I can never, ever give you.
And I don't want you to say that you're okay with this now because you might wake up in a few years and realize that you're not.
I won't do that.
You might, Charlie.
We're looking at an entire lifetime together with no children of our own.
And I can live with all these little piles of paper.
I can.
But can you honestly tell me that you're okay with that? [.]
Can you? There you go.
Will you at least cough so I know you haven't lapsed into a coma? I'm trying to watch.
It's Free Willy, Bay.
It has a happy ending.
You'll hate it.
And for you? I'll have a Scotch.
Got milk? I'm trying to apologize here.
Okay? I didn't mean to tell her.
It just sorta slipped out.
Yeah.
Juicy gossip, I bet.
What? No.
It wasn't like that.
And I stood by you on the whole transfer-from-state thing.
That's just great, Will.
How's that make me feel, you guys talking about me behind my back? We were talking about how glad I was to see you having fun.
Yeah.
You know what? I was.
I was, because for once in, like, forever, no one was whispering or feeling sorry for me or saying, "Oh, poor Bailey.
" I didn't have any of that crap following me around.
I was just-- I was just this guy.
You know, why shouldn't I be allowed to do that? No one says you shouldn't.
Everybody does, Will.
You did.
And that is just it.
Unless I am 3000 miles away, surrounded by people who don't even know me-- [SIGHS.]
You said college was a clean slate.
Well, that is what I need, completely clean.
And I'm entitled to that, Will.
I'm entitled to at least that.
[FOOTSTEPS.]
Justin.
Julia.
I have a rather difficult admission to make.
Well, Miss Stickley, you're among friends.
You're both very good students.
Top 5 percent of your class.
And I guess what you've made me realize is that my first responsibility is as an educator, not a chaperon.
You mean you're lifting the ban? I'm amending it.
The fact is, I do have recollections of being your age and in love.
And when I see the two of you together, I'm reminded of that, so-- I think you'll find the terms much less severe.
So basically, no petting? Basically, yes.
Ha.
WellI think we could probably live with that.
Don't you, Jule? Mm.
Sure.
Why not? BOY: Hi.
I'm Donald Grosse.
I know it's an unfortunate name, but in the original German it actually means great.
So, uh, you're Claudia, right? Uhyeah.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS.]
It's the feminine form of Claude, which is Latin meaning lame.
Not that you're lame or anything.
Of course, obviously not.
Obviously, you're very, very mature.
Sorry.
I gotta go.
Mind if I walk with you? I'm, uh I'm going to the bathroom, the girls' bathroom.
I'll wait for you.
[TOILET FLUSHES.]
DONALD: Hey.
What happened? Oh.
You're back.
I'm back.
You didn't tell me you were going.
It was kind of a spur of the moment thing.
No kidding.
I mean, I looked for you at lunch, and then, when I didn't see you in the study hall, I called your house and Claudia told me.
Are you keeping tabs on me? No, no, I just didn't know if you were sick or something and maybe needed to borrow my Lit notes.
That's all.
But then, when I read your horoscope, I-- You read my horoscope? Well, yeah.
I mean, it's not like I sat and drew up your charts or anything.
Hmm.
I just read it in the paper.
Anyway, it said something about adventure and a legal issue resolved in your favor, so I figured you were okay.
Yeah.
I'm okay.
Andyou're back.
I'm back.
I know what my transcript says.
I know it's on my record.
And I know that I'm a prime candidate for San Francisco State or Oakland Community or someplace like that.
But I have got a whole year ahead of me.
And I hope you don't laugh when I say this, but I don't want to go to any of those places.
And what I need from you right now is a plan.
You just tell me exactly what I have to do this year and I will do it, whatever it takes.
Just as long as it means that I can get as far away from here as possible.
Damn it.
Go ahead, huh? Ask me why I'm here instead of out shopping with Kirsten.
I'm kind of busy, Claud.
Well, it's because we were in Macy's, and, well, she just She just started crying, and she couldn't stop, so it seemed kind of stupid to go try on bridesmaid's dresses.
I'll go talk to her.
She isn't here.
She dropped me off.
She said that That she needed some time to herself.
She's really sad, Charlie.
I mean, she's sad, and she's crying, and it's all your fault.
This really doesn't concern you, Claud.
Yes, it does.
Because I'm scared that you guys are gonna break up.
I mean, is that what you're gonna do? And And then, I just I don't get it, because I've seen your other girlfriends, Charlie.
And Kirsten is so great.
She's just She's just so great, and I just I'm so scared that you're not gonna marry her just because she can't have kids.
She told you? I sleep in the dining room, Charlie.
I heard you guys fighting, but-- And now it's like-- We weren't fighting.
I can't believe you would dump her because of that.
And then And then-- You think you're gonna find someone who can have kids, but what if you don't? Then you're not gonna have kids, you're not gonna have Kirsten, and that would be pretty stupid.
That would be the stupidest thing you ever did.
It's just kinda complicated.
No, it isn't, Charlie.
It's so simple.
[CLAUDIA SLAMS DOOR.]
Oh, hi.
What are you doing? Um, well, Mrs.
Stickley couldn't let us off the hook completely.
Pretty lame, huh? Looks like it.
So, uh, congratulations, on, uh, making it legal to kiss somebody again.
[.]
Have you just been standing there? I heard you pull up.
[SIGHS.]
What are we gonna do, Charlie? Just keep avoiding each other and hope that this goes away? It's probably not gonna go away.
Because you were right.
I mean, um, I've thought a lot about it.
And, yeah, I want to have children.
And, uh, I want to have children with you.
But I want to be with you more.
And, you know, as for kids, I mean, it'ssomething we sort of already have.
[.]
It seems pretty simple to me.
But I think we should make it official.
I talked it over with everybody, and they said yes.
So I want us to adopt him.
So he'll be ours.
No more listenin' And I know it won't be the same thing.
They've had their time Is that enough for you? Yeah.
And I'll take it From here Oh-oh, I'll take it From here Oh-oh, I'll take it Oh-oh, I'll take it From here [.]
It's a place back east, I think.
Charlie I tried calling some old friends, but nobody kept in touch with her.
She just split.
I know, we've been over this but-- It doesn't make any sense.
She blows back into my life and asks me to help take care of my kid.
My kid.
And then she takes off like that doesn't even matter.
[SIGHS.]
She must have changed her mind.
That's not her right! She can't do that.
How can she just do that? I know I'm not the greatest person to be saying this, but-- [SIGHS.]
If you think about it I don't know, but Maybe it's easier this way.
Easier for who? Well For you.
For me? Are you kidding? Okay, for Spencer then.
You said yourself, you know, before, that it can't be in his best interests to have someone come in and out of his life all the time.
It's got to be better than growing up without a father.
Maybe.
The more time you spend with him, the more you're gonna fall in love with him, the more he'll fall in love with you.
Who's to say that she wouldn't take off anyway? [.]
Kirsten, I worry about him.
I know that sounds crazy, but I do.
Of course you do.
But [SIGHS.]
By leaving like this, she's telling you that it's not your responsibility anymore.
She's letting you off the hook and Maybe that's for the best.
So I'm supposed to just forget about him? How can I do that? How can I possibly do that? [THE BODEANS' "CLOSER TO FREE" PLAYING.]
Everybody wants to live Like they wanna live And everybody wants to love Like they wanna love Everybody wants to be Closer to free-ee-ee-ee Closer to free [CHILDREN'S CHATTER, MICROPHONE FEEDBACK.]
And so, classes of '96 through '98, it is my pleasure to welcome you back for another school year.
[SCATTERED APPLAUSE.]
Thank you.
Thank you.
Now announcements.
I'd like to remind the senior class that it's time to begin thinking about your college plans.
Isn't she supposed to be dead? Mrs.
Stickley? God, she'll be here when our children are in high school.
"Our" meaning "each of us respectively.
" Shh.
I'm trying to get this stuff about college.
You're taking notes? Look at this.
He's taking notes.
We have a couple of new rules this year.
Students must Wait, wait.
Go to the left.
Left? Mm-hm.
No, your left.
MISS STICKLEY: And more importantly, self-control.
There? There.
Therefore, there is to be no touching, feeling, fondling or kissing on campus.
Hand-holding and "hello, goodbye" kisses will be acceptable at the discretion of the faculty.
Thank you all very much and welcome back to school.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGING.]
You want to let me in on this? My dad wants me to go to Perry.
[LAUGHS.]
Perry? I can't get into Perry.
You'll have to screw up your application.
Put downax murderer as a career goal or something.
Or maybe for some strange reason you actually want to do this.
Well, I was thinking about it.
I mean, I'm going out there, you know, to interview and check out the campus.
I'm sort of flying out tonight-- Tonight? And what? You were just going to let me think you'd vanished? Look, why don't you come with me? Dad was going until he got a more important call on line two so the ticket's paid for.
It's only three days.
What am I gonna do around campus for three days while you're off playing Mr.
Ivy League? I don't know, Bay.
What are you gonna do here? Unless of course you're planning on buckling down and hitting the books.
WOMAN: Sullivan, Nancy.
Large.
Locker 37.
Suit up.
Salinger, Claudia.
Size? Ummedium? How about extra small? [GIRLS LAUGH.]
Um, small's fineI guess.
Okay.
Locker 38.
Suit up.
Burgess, Kate.
Ooh! Sorry.
Sorry.
GIRL: What is it? [SHOWER SPRAYING.]
GIRL: It's on the bottom! [LOCKER BANGS SHUT, INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
GIRL: Watch it! Ever notice how when somebody tells you you can't do something, it's all you can think about doing? Only now, that's what I'm restricted to.
A "hello, goodbye," might as well be kissing my sister, no moving parts allowed, kind of thing.
I think that's up to the discretion of the faculty.
Oh.
Hmm.
When I really want to do this.
Justin, maybe we shouldn't.
You're right.
Might lead to insanity or something.
[LAUGHS.]
Miss Salinger.
Mr.
Thompson.
We were just saying goodbye.
Well, say it again and you're in detention.
Oh, please.
It's not like we were having sex in the teachers lounge.
It's school policy, Mr.
Thompson.
Fine, then.
Your choice.
That's detention for both of you.
Okay.
I got football, basketball, baseball.
[DING.]
That shows I'm pretty well-rounded, right? Yeah.
You'll be a regular big man on campus.
STEWARDESS: so we can get an accurate head count.
Look, you want to come along just to make sure my guilt barometer doesn't dip below red, fine.
Go ahead.
Heap it on.
But you know what? I'm still glad you're doing this because I think it might actually be good for you.
You're right.
I'll be able to picture your surroundings while I send you hate mail from Loser Community.
Will you stop it with that stuff? You're going to college somewhere.
And think about it.
It's college, Bay.
Women.
Adventure.
Ivy.
I mean, it's like a whole new life.
Clean slate all the way.
You can totally start over.
Let's face it, Will.
I am who I am.
Mr.
Fordham? Thirty-two A and B? Mr.
Fordham? No, no, there must be a-- Please.
Bill.
Hi.
I just wanted to let you know that we're just a teensy bit overbooked in coach right now.
So we're inviting some of our preferred flyers to join first class.
If that's all right with you, of course.
Uh, I guess we could live with that.
What do you think? Sure.
Yeah, happy to help out.
Great.
Then follow me.
Kirsten, can you hand me that wrench? This other section's gonna have to come off.
It's clogged or something.
I don't know.
Wow.
Do I look kind of green to you? 'Cause I'm kind of clammy and And I think I'm going to ralph.
[PANTS.]
You don't feel warm.
You want some ginger ale? That's okay.
I just feel like I don't know.
Maybe just a 72-hour bug or something.
Charlie, before I forget, will you sign this for me? A 72-hour bug, Claud? What's going on? Nothing.
Maybe I should just go lie down.
I just hate to have to miss any school, that's all.
Come on: Charlie Salinger on the line "parent and/or guardian.
" Nice try.
You're going to school.
Oh, man! Like that's fair? You let Bailey cut and go look at that school.
I didn't let Bailey do anything.
Will you just sign this? I'm talking to Claudia.
Detention? Don't pop an artery.
It's just-- What the hell you do, Jule? It's no big deal, Charlie.
What do you care? Fine.
You're right.
I don't care.
Whatever you did, it's none of my business.
Claud, you want to skip school, go right ahead, you and Bailey both.
I'll write you notes until you're 30.
Just do whatever the hell you want.
[CRICKETS CHIRRUP.]
Hey, know what? Let's get out of here and go listen to some music or something.
Come on.
It'll be fun.
I used to babysit for those guys.
And they thought 'cause I was just their stupid brother they could do whatever they wanted.
I mean I'd try to get them to go to bed or watch an R-rated movie on cable, and they'd be like, you know, "You're not the boss of me.
" [LAUGHS.]
The only way I could keep them in line was to threaten them, you know? "Wait till Mom and Dad get home.
" Only now, I'm 25 years old, and I'm trying to be a father.
I really am and, you know hey, I'm just the babysitter.
[LAUGHS.]
That's all I'm ever going to be.
That's not true, Charlie.
Yes, it is.
Except there's this kid out there.
My kid.
My son.
[SNORTS.]
I'm his father, Kirsten.
And he might actually, you know, look up to me and listen to me and love me.
And that'd just be I have to find him.
I have to find him, and I have to be his dad.
I just do.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGING.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Okay.
Is everybody here for the tour? That's us! Will McCorkle.
Great.
I'm Keri.
What's your name? Oh, uh, I'm just Bailey Salinger.
What, should I call you "just" or maybeJ.
B.
? Uh Bailey's fine, actually.
WILL: So, uh, Bay, you wanna meet back at the room? We should probably get started on the tour.
I can't wait to get a look at this place.
Let's do it.
Let's.
Definitely.
Okay.
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY.]
So, um, Will McCorkle? Great.
MAN: Yes, that's me.
Mark Knowles? And, um That's funny.
You said Salinger? Yeah.
Um, but I'm probably in with the transfers.
See, Will and I, we're old friends from San Francisco, and he wrote me to tell me that he was coming out to look at Perry, and I'm thinking of transferring from state.
Oh.
Yeah, well, I've heard all about you state guys.
Well, I'm an exception.
Why don't we all head over to north campus and get the dull stuff out of the way first? Great.
I have got a ton of questions.
So, Keri, what do you study? Premed.
Puke, right? Oh, I don't know.
Kind of been noodling that myself.
BAILEY: So where did you say we're going first? I've been to every university and art school in town.
I told you.
If you knew how many guys come in here asking for the numbers of women they've seen naked-- This isn't about that.
Just look and tell me if she models here.
[SIGHS.]
I think you should go.
Hey! Do you want me to call the police? Look she took off with my son, okay? My three-year-old son.
And I didn't even know I had a son until a few days ago, and this whole thing is just driving me crazy.
You have to help me, and I am not going to leave here until you do.
[SIGHS.]
What was the name again? Pamela.
Pamela Rush.
Hmm.
She called in yesterday looking for work.
Finally.
The Incredibra.
Yes, that's right.
Just how incredible is that? Oh.
Well, never mind.
Well, what about the junior? Uh, size? Wow! I don't know.
Um well, actually Actually it's a gift.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's a gift for my little sister.
Yeah, well, she's 14 and Oh, no, no, no.
She definitely needs more than a training bra.
Well, you know, something with a little room in it.
No, not a C cup.
Well, more like more like an A.
Or maybe A minus? Hello, hey! Big Kiss-Off tomorrow after sixth period.
Lips unite for civil rights.
[CHEERING AND WHOOPING.]
[WOLF WHISTLE.]
Justin, do you really think anyone's actually going to do this? Yeah.
Civil disobedience.
Sex.
It's not like we're asking them to pick up a gun and run at the White House or anything.
[BELL DINGING.]
Hey, there's Griffin.
Could use people who aren't scared of detention.
Justin-- Hey, Griffin.
Hey.
Oh, you got one.
So are you gonna come? Are these your lips? Oh, um, Sheryl Crow's, actually.
We could really use your help.
You got somebody for me to kiss? Well, what about your, uh Erica? Uhuh That's not happening.
That's history.
Thanks, anyway.
[WILD ROCK MUSIC BLARING.]
So are you in a sorority? No.
It's It's totally not my scene.
Hmm.
I like to keep my personal time, you know, open.
Really? Me too.
I got better things to do than spend all my time with a bunch of other guys.
Yeah.
Probably like spending time with your girlfriend, right? I'm sorry.
Sensitive subject? No.
Uh, no.
No.
I don'tactually have a girlfriend.
Was it a messy breakup? No.
No, no.
It was It's No, it was nothing like that.
The truth is I guess I've never really been in love.
Get out of here.
You? Yeah.
Yeah, I don't know.
I don't know.
I guess Guess I've never really met the right girl, actually.
Oh.
Clear she's going down Wake up Wake up [SIREN BLARES OUTSIDE.]
Charlie! What are you doing here? I want an explanation.
Sorry, guys.
Let's take a break.
Could you hand me my robe? Were you gonna call me? Write me a letter? Tell me where to send the checks? Actually, no, I wasn't.
I, uh You come to me for help, and when I say I'll give it to you-- I know.
I know.
I guess what you wanted to give was more than I wanted from you.
What you wanted? What about Spencer? Charlie What? What? You just decided that I wouldn't be a good father? You think I'm so terrible that you don't want me to be a part of his life? You don't know me at all, Pam.
A lot can happen in four years.
I mean, God, he's my son.
No, he isn't, Charlie.
Why are you doing this? Why are you lying to me? [SIGHS.]
I'm not lying to you, Charlie.
The truth is Spence was born 11 months after you and I split up.
And I lied about the dates so you'd think he was yours because Because I remember what you used to be like.
And I thought I thought if I told you he was yours, you would just give me some money and send me on my way.
And I didn't know what else to do.
Money's really tight.
My mother doesn't think that I'm providing for him.
And I think that she's even talked to a lawyer because she wants to take him away from me.
And he's all I've got.
But that's not your problem because he's not your son, Charlie.
He's not.
And I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I mean, how hard is it to shave two months off his age? That's an easy lie.
But why? Why would she do that? Maybe she thinks I'm still the way I used to be.
Maybe she can't get past that.
I don't know, Charlie.
I mean, yes, it was a terrible thing to do to you.
Horrible.
But There's got to be more to it than that.
You know, I played with this kid.
I saw him.
And this may sound crazy, but I felt a connection.
Claud, you about done in there? CLAUDIA: Almost! And I can't just take her word for this.
If I do, I'll be wondering about it for the rest of my life.
Claudia! CLAUDIA: Hold on! Just a second.
What? Nothing.
I was just wondering about today.
How we're supposed to get our marriage license and that maybe we should just put it off until you have time to deal with this.
No.
No, we should go.
I'm positive.
Are you sure? Because-- I want to.
Is Claud still in there? Claudia? Come on.
CLAUDIA: In a minute.
Oh, it's okay.
I'll go downstairs.
[.]
CLAUDIA: Sorry.
I was, umflossing.
Will, we really don't have to run.
I just wanted to get there a few minutes early so I won't be all sweaty for my interview.
I'm sorry I was late.
It's just-- We sort oflost track of time.
"We"? As inyou and Bailey? Yeah.
We met for breakfast and then we just spent hours at the student museum.
Really? How was that? He is so great.
He mentioned he's really into postmodernism, and-- Can you believe it? There just happens to be this exhibit here on campus.
So I just had to show him.
Well, I guess he gets the whole culture thing from his parents.
Yeah, that's what he said.
God, the way he talks about them, they sound so great.
Yeah.
They really were.
Were? Well, I just wanted to say I'm sorry.
You know, about you and Erica.
Yeah, why? Well, I just am.
I mean, I know it's hard when you break up with someone, and since you're my, um, friend, I just hate to see you go through that, you know? But if you don't wanna talk about it, it's okay.
What's to talk about? Oh, so you broke up with her and not the other way around? I mean It justsort of happened, you know? She's just always talking about nothing, you know? Yeah.
[.]
Well, I'll see you around.
Oh, yeah! Uh, good luck with that kissing thing.
[SIGHS.]
You were right.
I'm off the hook.
Put them right up here.
Hey, Sarah.
Are you going to join us? Well, not technically, no.
For obvious reasons.
I just came to show my support.
I've never really been part of a protest before.
It's kind ofinvigorating.
JUSTIN: Great.
Well, uh, if you wanna be point person, keep an eye out for Miss Stickley.
She's coming from the lounge.
Got it.
Hey, give me something good for the front page.
Front page? Of the school paper.
You guys are the official poster kids for the kissing cause, so So kiss.
SARAH: Ooh! Ooh, ooh! Vice squad at 9 o'clock! Perfect.
Give us a big one! Okay.
Okay, everybody, this is it.
So, uh So, uhgo for it.
Justin-- Nothing, just What's wrong? Well, this really feels stupid.
I know.
That's the whole point.
Maybe we're making too much of this.
We're making a statement.
Well, maybe we should make a statement about I don't know, saving the rainforest or the ozone layer or something that actually matters.
MISS STICKLEY: Mr.
Thompson? What's all this, Mr.
Thompson? The Big Kiss-Off.
Apparently.
Hey, Jul, did you get that message on the machine from the guy with the school paper? 'Cause he called again.
He said that he wants a comment and-- Hello? Asking you if-- What do you think you're doing? Go take those off.
God, you look stupid.
Boy, forget you.
Like it's any of your business anyway.
It's ridiculous.
I mean, why are you doing this? Oh, you'd really understand.
It's not like you ever had this problem.
Trust me, Claud, okay, you're so much better off staying 12 until you're like 80.
It's a whole lot simpler.
I bet you didn't feel that way when you were starting junior high.
I mean, I thought it was gonna be like this really big deal, and everything was gonna be different, and I was gonna be all grown up or something.
And then I go there, and it's not any different, and it's not any better, and I don't know what to do because I'm exactly the same, only now I'm taking gym with a bunch of Amazons with D cups, and I just-- Well, I wanna look like everybody else.
[.]
So I was thinking that maybe I could come back in a few weeks.
And if I make early acceptance, I'm gonna be starting spring semester.
So that'd be pretty cool, right? Yeah, Bailey, that would be great.
Well, I'm-- I'm babbling here.
I do that sometimes when I'm nervous, just babble.
So you wanna, uh, get out of here? You wanna go grab something to eat or see a movie? Or Or just do this.
This is nice.
Hey, I'm coming back, you know.
Bailey, not now.
Okay.
Why not? God, it's like, intellectually, I have every right to be angry with you, but when I think about everything you've been through, I just I understand, you know? [.]
Oh.
I'm so sorry, Bailey.
I wasn't going to say anything, but I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you.
Will told you.
And-- About yourgirlfriend.
And about your parents.
[SIGHS.]
Look, thanks.
It's been a blast.
Bailey, wait.
I want you to stay.
Why? Why? So you can look at me like that all night? No, I just thought maybe you'd wanna talk about it.
No, see, that's just it, Keri.
I don't wanna talk about it.
I'm handling this, you know? I'm-- I'm figuring it out.
And people looking at me and asking me if I'm okay all the time, that doesn't help at all.
That just makes everything worse.
I just wanted to get away from that for once.
For once.
And now I can't.
[.]
I'm sorry.
Bed's kinda empty.
What are you doing? Ed McMahon addressed to you.
Probably should toss it.
'Cause it'll just lay around.
You'll think about sending it in, but you won't.
And then it'll still be here.
It's only gonna irritate me, so I should probably just throw it out.
You do that, you know? It's 4:00 in the morning.
I mean, I kinda like things to be in their place, you know? Like, bills sorted, junk mail tossed out.
But you're happy with all these little piles of stickies with your handwriting on them.
All these little Charlie nests that end up laying around wherever they end up.
And I guess it's okay, because I mean, I'm in love with you, and I'm the one with the issue, so I don't mind.
But I'm wondering, am I still gonna feel this way in five years? Or 25? Is it gonna be endearing or is it gonna make me crazy? What are you talking about? I'm scared.
Because I leave junk mail on the counter? No.
Because I know you're in love with me, and you're willing to overlook things right now.
But I have this little problem, Charlie.
I can't have children.
And I know that you say you're okay with that now, but I've been here.
I've watched you go through this whole thing.
And I'm scared because I saw the look on your face when you found out Spencer wasn't really yours.
And I saw how much he mattered to you.
Your heart is broken over something that I can never, ever give you.
And I don't want you to say that you're okay with this now because you might wake up in a few years and realize that you're not.
I won't do that.
You might, Charlie.
We're looking at an entire lifetime together with no children of our own.
And I can live with all these little piles of paper.
I can.
But can you honestly tell me that you're okay with that? [.]
Can you? There you go.
Will you at least cough so I know you haven't lapsed into a coma? I'm trying to watch.
It's Free Willy, Bay.
It has a happy ending.
You'll hate it.
And for you? I'll have a Scotch.
Got milk? I'm trying to apologize here.
Okay? I didn't mean to tell her.
It just sorta slipped out.
Yeah.
Juicy gossip, I bet.
What? No.
It wasn't like that.
And I stood by you on the whole transfer-from-state thing.
That's just great, Will.
How's that make me feel, you guys talking about me behind my back? We were talking about how glad I was to see you having fun.
Yeah.
You know what? I was.
I was, because for once in, like, forever, no one was whispering or feeling sorry for me or saying, "Oh, poor Bailey.
" I didn't have any of that crap following me around.
I was just-- I was just this guy.
You know, why shouldn't I be allowed to do that? No one says you shouldn't.
Everybody does, Will.
You did.
And that is just it.
Unless I am 3000 miles away, surrounded by people who don't even know me-- [SIGHS.]
You said college was a clean slate.
Well, that is what I need, completely clean.
And I'm entitled to that, Will.
I'm entitled to at least that.
[FOOTSTEPS.]
Justin.
Julia.
I have a rather difficult admission to make.
Well, Miss Stickley, you're among friends.
You're both very good students.
Top 5 percent of your class.
And I guess what you've made me realize is that my first responsibility is as an educator, not a chaperon.
You mean you're lifting the ban? I'm amending it.
The fact is, I do have recollections of being your age and in love.
And when I see the two of you together, I'm reminded of that, so-- I think you'll find the terms much less severe.
So basically, no petting? Basically, yes.
Ha.
WellI think we could probably live with that.
Don't you, Jule? Mm.
Sure.
Why not? BOY: Hi.
I'm Donald Grosse.
I know it's an unfortunate name, but in the original German it actually means great.
So, uh, you're Claudia, right? Uhyeah.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS.]
It's the feminine form of Claude, which is Latin meaning lame.
Not that you're lame or anything.
Of course, obviously not.
Obviously, you're very, very mature.
Sorry.
I gotta go.
Mind if I walk with you? I'm, uh I'm going to the bathroom, the girls' bathroom.
I'll wait for you.
[TOILET FLUSHES.]
DONALD: Hey.
What happened? Oh.
You're back.
I'm back.
You didn't tell me you were going.
It was kind of a spur of the moment thing.
No kidding.
I mean, I looked for you at lunch, and then, when I didn't see you in the study hall, I called your house and Claudia told me.
Are you keeping tabs on me? No, no, I just didn't know if you were sick or something and maybe needed to borrow my Lit notes.
That's all.
But then, when I read your horoscope, I-- You read my horoscope? Well, yeah.
I mean, it's not like I sat and drew up your charts or anything.
Hmm.
I just read it in the paper.
Anyway, it said something about adventure and a legal issue resolved in your favor, so I figured you were okay.
Yeah.
I'm okay.
Andyou're back.
I'm back.
I know what my transcript says.
I know it's on my record.
And I know that I'm a prime candidate for San Francisco State or Oakland Community or someplace like that.
But I have got a whole year ahead of me.
And I hope you don't laugh when I say this, but I don't want to go to any of those places.
And what I need from you right now is a plan.
You just tell me exactly what I have to do this year and I will do it, whatever it takes.
Just as long as it means that I can get as far away from here as possible.
Damn it.
Go ahead, huh? Ask me why I'm here instead of out shopping with Kirsten.
I'm kind of busy, Claud.
Well, it's because we were in Macy's, and, well, she just She just started crying, and she couldn't stop, so it seemed kind of stupid to go try on bridesmaid's dresses.
I'll go talk to her.
She isn't here.
She dropped me off.
She said that That she needed some time to herself.
She's really sad, Charlie.
I mean, she's sad, and she's crying, and it's all your fault.
This really doesn't concern you, Claud.
Yes, it does.
Because I'm scared that you guys are gonna break up.
I mean, is that what you're gonna do? And And then, I just I don't get it, because I've seen your other girlfriends, Charlie.
And Kirsten is so great.
She's just She's just so great, and I just I'm so scared that you're not gonna marry her just because she can't have kids.
She told you? I sleep in the dining room, Charlie.
I heard you guys fighting, but-- And now it's like-- We weren't fighting.
I can't believe you would dump her because of that.
And then And then-- You think you're gonna find someone who can have kids, but what if you don't? Then you're not gonna have kids, you're not gonna have Kirsten, and that would be pretty stupid.
That would be the stupidest thing you ever did.
It's just kinda complicated.
No, it isn't, Charlie.
It's so simple.
[CLAUDIA SLAMS DOOR.]
Oh, hi.
What are you doing? Um, well, Mrs.
Stickley couldn't let us off the hook completely.
Pretty lame, huh? Looks like it.
So, uh, congratulations, on, uh, making it legal to kiss somebody again.
[.]
Have you just been standing there? I heard you pull up.
[SIGHS.]
What are we gonna do, Charlie? Just keep avoiding each other and hope that this goes away? It's probably not gonna go away.
Because you were right.
I mean, um, I've thought a lot about it.
And, yeah, I want to have children.
And, uh, I want to have children with you.
But I want to be with you more.
And, you know, as for kids, I mean, it'ssomething we sort of already have.
[.]
It seems pretty simple to me.
But I think we should make it official.
I talked it over with everybody, and they said yes.
So I want us to adopt him.
So he'll be ours.
No more listenin' And I know it won't be the same thing.
They've had their time Is that enough for you? Yeah.
And I'll take it From here Oh-oh, I'll take it From here Oh-oh, I'll take it Oh-oh, I'll take it From here [.]