Puberty Blues (2012) s02e02 Episode Script

I just want you to know that whatever you want this "between us" to be, I do too.
I think you've got the wrong idea about me.
You can keep your job.
I'm not gonna take this any further than a warning.
I know you feel a bit threatened with your mum taking a lover but this is real and we both have to get with it.
Imagine me in a bikini.
Which part of my tremendous body do you imagine first? I know I should say your boobs but your eyes.
They have a school orchestra that went to Vienna and played.
You're actually serious about this.
She's just not challenged here.
You're up the duff, aren't you? I reckon the dad is little Nathan's dad, my mum's boyfriend.
I need 85 bucks to do it proper.
We'll help you, won't we? Yeah.
I swear to you, Mum, it wasn't me.
I just got the money together for a friend who got pregnant.
I s'pose we can guess who that was.
Are you kidding me? It wasn't Sue.
We need to talk about what's going to happen now.
I'm going.
You must not eat on the street or wear denim.
There's a fridge in the common room.
Make sure you put your name on your snacks.
If you don't, you can kiss your Curly Wurlys goodbye.
I won't forget.
We've got classical ballet classes you can enrol in, also tennis courts, a swimming pool I saw it.
In the shape of a conventional rectangle.
You're allowed three phone calls a week, for half an hour at a time and only after 4:00.
But you can't make phone calls yet.
You're in lockdown.
I'm in lockdown? Oh.
We give all the new girls a 4-week adjustment period.
So there's no visitors, no excursions, no phone calls.
Your parents didn't tell you? It'll help you make new friends while you learn to get along without your old ones.
I don't want new friends.
I can tell that you're a clever clogs, Deborah.
And this is a place that is designed for clever clogs like you.
I just wish I knew about the lockdown.
I didn't get to say goodbye to my mum properly.
Four weeks?! I hate it here.
I hate it there too.
There are four girls in my dorm, and one of them smells like a possum died under her bed.
I think it's her washing.
Have you seen Gary? I saw him dragging his board down to the beach this morning, looking real cut up.
Aww! I don't want him to talk to any other girls but you.
I'll guard him with my life.
I wrote you a song! I'm gonna write it in a letter, seal it with my spit and send it tomorrow.
I can't send or receive letters from anyone but my family, slobbered on or otherwise.
I must not eat on the street or wear my Levi's, I must go to bed at 8:30, I must wear slacks, long skirts or dresses to the knee.
Says who? Says the woman who's looking after me here.
My housemistress.
- So you've got a housemistress? - Yes! Ah, it's so great here! Everyone's really nice.
Love you, Mum.
Gary, it's Vicki.
Yeah, I know.
What do you want? - Tracey got dropped.
- So? So you can root her if you want! Gary, how's Debbie? - Morning.
- Was that Debbie? No.
You know, if you wanted to ask her to tea, it's easy for me to crumb another couple of cutlets.
No, I think I'm gonna be surfing, so I'll see ya, Mum.
I'm free, I'm free.
Happily free.
Life's so unfair.
Four weeks is about as long as it takes for my pubes to grow back, and that seems to whiz by in no time.
How could Judy send Debbie away like that? When you go to your nanna's, I miss you.
That's sad enough for me.
Mrs Vickers thinks Debbie did a terrible thing.
But Debs didn't do that terrible thing.
She just didn't wanna dob on the person who did do it.
Sue Knight, what did you do? Not me.
Cheryl.
Cheryl got an abortion.
- Sad, in a way.
- Not sad.
She would have had to take it to school, to the beach, to the drive-in.
It would have been horrible.
I loved having my babies everywhere I went.
I hate that boys don't have to deal with this stuff.
Girls don't even like sex, and we're the ones that have to worry about abortions.
Boys should get abortions, because all girls are to boys are life support for our vaginas.
Sweet pea! I've had sex, Mum.
I hated it.
Mum? OK, boys can be terrible.
And sex with boys can be terrible too.
But both can be wonderful, darling.
And at your age, they're still learning, just like you are.
Boys know exactly what they're doing.
Sex is just homework.
You don't like it, but you have to do it anyway.
OK.
Now, you're gonna choose one, you teach him to listen .
.
and then you tell him where to go.
What? Wait a sec.
With a little bit of help.
Oh, Marty, look.
Isn't she from your work? Shit.
Yes, I think so.
Martin? Martin, what are you doing? Stop! You poor, poor woman! Hop in.
Let us give you a ride.
Oh, it's not far to go now.
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
It's miles! Our daughter's just gone off to boarding school, so we all feel a bit lost without her.
Mmm.
Debbie? We didn't push her into it.
It was just a highly contemplated, near-forceful nudge.
Must be a relief to know that she's safe behind a boy-proof fence for the next couple of years.
It's undeniably one of the perks.
I cannot tell a lie! I, uh I went to an all-girls school.
And boys were something that we fantasised about but they didn't become a reality until I was almost 20.
It's as if you are speaking straight to my soul.
I love this song.
And the exciting news is you only have to do half your homework.
Because I'm pairing you up.
Sir, that sucks.
You can suck or blow, you can use wind, match or even mouse.
I don't care - I just want you to perform an experiment with the materials I give you, construct a hypothesis, analyse the data, and test it, and then draw your own conclusion.
First team - Susan and Mr Woods.
The attraction between two metals is yours to ponder all week.
Groovy.
Sir, that's so unfair.
Cheryl and Vicki - cockroaches.
Under what conditions do they become aggressive? Wanna see a vagina? Uh yes.
Put your hands together like this.
And then you turn them like that.
Then look inside.
That's what a vagina looks like.
Yuck! Wanna blow up some snails? Yeah.
We got heaps in our letterbox.
Wanna blow up the letterbox? Sure.
Hey, I got a letter! The only person who ever writes to me is Santa.
What does he want? He likes to reinforce the 'good behaviour or no presents' rule.
Debbie wants me to deliver this to Sue.
It's $2.
Reckon we can double it? Wait, no, look, look! He's trying to kiss her.
Ohh, nearly, nearly! Go, magnet man, go! And she walks away.
What are you doing here? We've got something you might like.
I doubt it! Debbie said you'd give me $2 if I delivered this.
I've only got 80 cents and a Redskin.
Redskins are only 5 cents.
I'm not a bank.
I'll have to owe you.
Sign there.
- What about the Redskin? - We're a cash-only enterprise.
Give it back, then! Gee whiz! He's got you over a barrel.
Shut up, Woody.
Hey.
Wanna see a vagina? We can use all sorts of things for shields.
Wood, tin cans, paper.
Some girl put a tampon on Debbie's bedhead with jam on it.
That's off! To get it to work, we're gonna need a superconductor.
You make it, I'll paint it.
Why would we paint it? Even science should be pretty.
Stop looking at it.
I'm not.
I'm looking at my You can't even talk properly, you're still looking at it.
Stop it! Sorry.
Can I can I see it? You'll freak out.
It's got pictures.
Hairy pictures.
Me Tarzan, you Jane.
My mum gave me that.
Far out! Piss off, idiot! Ugh.
Sorry.
Back to work.
My mum hates rodents, but once they've had two babies, we'll have made our money back.
And every pig after that is pure profit.
We're gonna be rich! All we need to do is make sure yours is a boy and mine's a girl.
How? Look at the eyelashes.
The girls are prettier.
Hello? Is Debbie there? Uh, Deborah Vickers.
Can't you just go and get her anyway? C'mon, Gary! Gary Hennessey for Team Yeah, Gary! So, how's your new boyfriend going? Don't knock him.
He's building the whole thing for me, it's perfect.
Have you even started yours? We're just gonna jig.
How long for? Till Mr Candy forgets.
Hey, he winked at you the other morning.
At the kiosk.
- Bullshit.
- Maybe he had sand in his eye.
- Or a tick on his balls.
- He just winked as in "G'day.
" I reckon I could get him if I wanted him.
I reckon I could too.
- Gravedigger! - Carpet-muncher! You must be getting pretty randy now your girlfriend's gone to boarding school.
Rack off! Hey, maybe there's a Mrs Candy.
I hear she's very sweet.
I'm going home.
Lezzo! You're a natural, Gary.
It was just like watching a bird skimming across the waves or, like, a flying fish.
Thanks, Mum.
Oh, I just wanted to go out on the beach and just grab everyone and say, "That's my son out there.
" I'm glad you didn't.
I might still! Here he is, Gary the Great! Your energy was so intense out there.
You could feel the heat coming off you.
Chocky or banana? Nuh.
See ya later.
One for me, two for Von-Von.
Oh! Hey! Where the hell have you been? It's past 9:00.
I made you dinner.
Well, where have you been? I've been looking for this house all the way home.
Now, new rule - if you're gonna get pissed, you get pissed with me.
Roger that.
Roger says.
Hey, sweetheart, maybe you should have some aspirin as well.
What a wonderful idea.
Whoa.
- Chin-chin.
- Up yours.
Well, look at you, hmm? Now, your poor mother doesn't want to sit around, looking at you with your face like that, all droopy.
No, we designed your face to be up and sunny.
Where's that number? Can't get through.
I've tried.
Come on, darl.
Where's the number? Hello? Hello? Deborah Vickers, please.
Yes, well, that may well be so.
But I'm very old, and I would like to speak with her.
- In fact, I'm her grandfather.
- Oh, Roger Knight! Yes, this is Colonel Vickers speaking.
I've had a very serious stroke and I'm finding it most unpleasant that you would comment on my speech difficulties as I am very old and most unwell.
I'm dying.
Yes, thank you.
Yes.
She's gone to get her.
Oh, look, there's My sunshine's back! Hello, Debs? Yes? Hold the line, caller.
Jesus, it worked! Deb, it's me! Oh, darling, I'm so What did she mean, "teach them to listen "and then tell them where to go"? I don't know, but I hear my parents rooting all the time.
It doesn't sound anything like what Danny and I used to do.
My mum sounds like she likes it.
- A lot.
- Eugh.
Dead set.
Yeah, but your parents aren't like other parents.
They have baths together.
And they kiss and mean it.
They're nymphos, Sue.
Yeah.
Don't you wanna know what they're doing? No.
I live in a world where grown-ups don't root, and I quite like it here, a lot.
You're living in a world where nobody's rooting anybody.
Mmm.
Deb, we've gotta know this stuff.
We're gonna be rooting guys for the rest of our lives.
OK, Grandpa.
It's bedtime.
How long have you been listening? C'mon, sweetheart.
Do you have to go? I can't believe I have to go to bed and you don't.
You're the prisoner.
Yeah, and they really believed the 'stroke Grandpa' thing.
No-one's come near me for hours.
My dad really is a genius.
I don't want you to go.
I'll come see you.
It's gated all around.
I'm locked in.
It's impossible.
Sue! He's yelling.
You hang up first.
I'm not hanging up till you do.
Alright.
I'll hang up, then.
Alright, then.
Hang up.
- Hello? - Hello! Alright, on the count of three.
- One - Two Three.
Sue? Still here.
You know, I have chapel Sunday afternoons.
I could try and sneak away then.
I'll try anything.
Nothing's happening.
How are they supposed to have babies if they don't even like each other? Just make 'em root.
How? Hold her down.
Oh, um Quick, you hide them in Debbie's room.
I'll get the door.
- Oh, hi, Gary.
- Hey.
Uh, look, I just left something in Debbie's room.
So I just need to Um you wanna go in there? I didn't come all the way here just to tell you about it.
Uh, careful when you go in.
Compass unaffected by tin shield.
Negative result.
Write down 'negative'.
Have you ever rooted anyone before? Let's pretend I haven't either.
Do you wanna try it? Um Yeah.
OK.
You gotta promise that you're not gonna tell anyone.
And this doesn't mean we're going round.
Pinky swear? Pinky swear.
All we're doing is learning a new skill, like juggling or flower arranging.
Yeah, OK.
There.
Put it in there.
Oi.
Start slow.
Book says it lasts longer if you go slow.
Ohh! Ahh! Suppose you want me to clean that up.
Sorry.
David! David? David! David? Oh! This is where you've been all afternoon.
Yeah, I've been reading.
I get so incredibly nervous when you're quiet.
'Seven Little Australians'.
I love that too.
Are you feeling alright? You're sweating.
Yeah, I I I guess I just really miss Debbie.
Come here.
I've been thinking how much Debbie loved learning French when she was your age.
Maybe you'd like to learn a language too.
Italian? Prego! We can learn it together.
Oh, it smells like paint in here.
Told my mum it wasn't a bum prawn.
Shit, Sue! Why? I don't know.
I tell her everything.
Hi, Cheryl.
All you have to say is hi and I'll leave you alone.
Deadshit.
That slut! Come on.
Let's go.
Jeff made his bed.
He can lay in it - with her.
She can make it, 'cause I'm glad I don't have to anymore.
Hello! Table invasion.
Roger and Pamela Knight, this is Jill Tate.
- Hello.
- Hello.
Do you mind if we join you? Please.
It's a welcome distraction.
Thank you.
So have you heard from Debbie? They discourage her from making contact for the first four weeks.
I don't know why you sent Debbie away.
I mean, if it was Sue, I'd want her close.
You don't understand tough love, Pam.
You never have.
There's nothing tough about love in my book, Jude.
Until your daughter comes home and tells you that she's gonna spit out a little Danny Dixon, and you know you might as well be a grandmother to a football because a football would get better marks than a Dixon.
Ease up, Jude.
Careful where you point it before you start shooting.
Would you like a top-up? Look, there's Annie! She works with Martin.
We get along like a house on fire.
Oh, right.
You should invite her over.
Looks like she's waiting for a friend.
Annie! Come join us! Excuse me, is anyone using this chair? Hi! Hey! Who am I? You ready? "Root me, Nathan's dad! Root me! "I'll give you a haircut if you root me.
" Shut up, Vicki.
I'm your mum.
Last weekend, it was so funny.
"Root me, Nathan's dad.
Root me!" Rack off, Vicki! Push me again, you fish-face moll, and I'll smash you right out of your tits! If you didn't throw your drink at him, I would have.
Thanks.
The world has ended, Bruce.
Everyone's gone.
You're standing in embers.
You're the only one left.
Help us, Bruce Kenobi.
You're our only hope.
If only you could keep that dopey old head up, eh? Dopey old head.
- Oi, Danny! - Piss off.
You can't come round here.
Who died and made you boss? I'm talking about your slut mate.
- Wanna fight? - Yeah! - You can't hit a girl.
- I'll fucking hit her.
We're coming anyway.
Piss off, Hennessey.
Oh, piss off! Piss off! Oh, piss off! I'm so stoned.
You wanna root? Yeah, alright.
Yeah, she wants it.
Give it to her hard, Danny boy! Fuck off, Straccy! Let's swim out to the boat, eh? - What? - Come on, I'll swim you out.
I hate the water.
No, stop! - Throw her in the water! - I can't swim! I'm gonna spew.
Fucking rank! I spewed out my last bit of chewy.
Clean yourself up, you moll.
The fish is looking at me.
Hey, Gary? - Do you miss Debbie like crazy? - Huh? Just say yes.
Yes.
When you go to sleep at night, is the last thing you see in your head Debbie's face? - Just say yes.
- Yes.
Do you whisper, "Goodnight, Debbie," in the dark just before you nod off? - Just say yes.
- Yes.
You two seem like a happy couple.
How long have you been married? We're living proof that flicking bra straps works.
Well, it does until one day she turns around and finds your longfella knee-deep in your secretary! Keep your voice down.
What's a longfella? Oh, it's all in the genes, son.
I will not keep my voice down! Jeff Tate can't keep it in his pants! Jill, that's enough.
Can't keep what in his pants? Coins.
His loose change.
His secretary's 19.
She's probably still got her pony club ribbons on her mirror! Something like that happened to me with a man from work.
Oh, they probably can't help themselves, poor things.
Look at you, you're gorgeous.
I knew that he was married, so I didn't think of him in that way.
And then he started inviting me to lunch, to this beautiful spot on the rocks by the water, just the two of us.
We started spending a lot of time together.
And then one day, he snapped.
He told me I was letting my emotions get the better of me and then he threatened to sack me when it was him who started the whole thing.
What a coward.
Two-timing bastard.
How come she's not moving? It's night-time.
She's asleep.
- How much? - Uh, $4? It's extra for the racing stripe.
She's a beauty.
Hey, Dad.
- Hey, Mum.
- Martin! Stop! What's got into you? I can't sit around and drink wine and listen to nonsense like you can.
I can't pretend that everything's normal.
I miss Debbie, and I don't think sending her away was the right thing to do.
We we made that decision together! Did we? David? Write a song, do a dance, shake my bum till he's in a trance, smoking bongs, tell him that I love his songs.
Boring! How'd you make Marc Hunter your boyfriend? Suck him off.
That's it? - Mmm! - Sue! Do you wanna climb on board? No.
Come on, you two are gagging for it.
Let me root ya.
I'll drive ya home.
Get lost, Straccy.
Oi, Stracc.
Oi! Hey, hold this.
Hold your own apple, Hennessey.
- What are you - Stand there.
Wait there.
Yeah, alright.
Yeah.
Go on, see what you've got, man.
- What are you doing? - I dare ya! Go on.
Shoot.
- It's not funny.
- Gary, don't do it.
Hold still, eh? Go on, shoot, I dare ya! - Oh! Bloody hell! - You missed his head! Deb! Deb! Deborah! Miaow! You escaped! I said I was busting for the toilet.
- Do I look different? - You look the same.
- How about now? - Exactly the same! I saw Gary.
He said he's missing you like crazy, like his arms might fall off kinda crazy.
And every night before he goes to sleep, you're the last thing he sees, and just before he nods off, he says, "Goodnight, Debbie.
" - Sue! - No, dead set.
Here.
Out of bounds! - I rooted Woody.
- What? Out of bounds! I've gotta go.
I'm sorry! Is that a picture of your boyfriend? Shh! Is it? What's his name? Gary.