Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja (2012) s02e02 Episode Script

1 Go ninja! [title music.]
I was chosen to protect my school from the forces of evil.
I am the ninja.
I am Randy Cunningham.
Smoke bomb! [rock music plays.]
- [Randy.]
Chapter two.
- [Howard.]
Chapter two?! I barely survived Chapter one! You know what, - I'll just wait for the movie.
- Hey! That was my chemistry book! "Chemistry: The Movie"? I hated that book.
So where was I? Oh, right: I'm up to my third knuckle, maybe fourth, and you know what I pull out? The greenest, the biggest, the juiciest Howard, stop! I don't wanna know.
No, you definitely wanna know! You're going to love this! It had a [jackhammer.]
[no dialogue.]
and it was covered in hair! - But the grossest thing - That wasn't the grossest thing? [laughs.]
Oh no! The grossest thing was [jackhammering continues.]
[no dialogue.]
[laughing.]
I told him not to eat it, but he did! [Randy groans.]
- I'm sorry I missed it.
- [laughing.]
I knew you'd be sorry! Why are you telling me this?! We're best friends.
We tell each other everything.
[Randy.]
Yeah, right.
Except some things we don't.
Some things we keep to ourselves.
[laughing.]
Wait, I don't keep anything to myself.
But you can.
That's all I'm saying.
Just something to think about.
Keepin' stuff to yourself.
Yeah, but you don't keep anything from me.
- Uh - [gasps.]
You do! When I saw you aimlessly wandering the halls, I assumed you were our new substitute teacher, Mister Booray.
Catfish Booray.
I be yo new subistute.
Well let me just make a copy of your I.
D.
and we'll get you influencing young minds right away! Oh! I guess I'll make a copy of this turtle.
[chuckles.]
Now dat I be in da school, I gonna find dat Ninja right quick, cher! [chuckles.]
[sinister laughing.]
It is the dawn of a new era! When our friend Booray found one of my powerballs, he became my puppet! [squeaks.]
He'll do anything.
Anything I do! [squeaks.]
[groans.]
There, you happy? [both.]
I feel completely ridiculous! I have a good feeling about you Cunningham, what aren't you telling me? I aren't not telling you anything! But I also aren't not telling you everything! Oh, I'm gonna find out what it is.
I wish something would interrupt this conversation.
[Booray.]
Atten-tion dere class! I's yo new teacher! [all gasp.]
Catfish Booray! How's a skinny mullet like you knows-it my name? Yeah Cunningham, how's a skinny mullet like you knows his name? You know how I knows his name! He's the crazy swamp wizard who tried to turn you into gumbos! Oooh! Now we gon to make gumbo! [laughs.]
[screams.]
Oh, right.
I says, how you knows my name? Um, it's written on your armadillo.
[squeaks.]
Well so it is.
[chuckles.]
So.
It.
Bes.
That's weird.
He didn't recognize us.
Maybe this is gonna be okay.
Huh? No, I was wrong, this is bad.
I'll be in the Nomi And I'll be reading your emails to find out what you're keeping from me.
[chuckles.]
Knew it.
[chuckles.]
Knew it.
[chuckles.]
Suspected it [yelling.]
Hey, couple questions: why is Booray back? Why didn't he recognize me? Why did his eyes glow green? And what exactly are the qualifications for being a substitute teacher?! [gasps.]
[yelling.]
Ah! Guh! Oof! Ow! [Randy.]
And so it was, moments before his imprisonment, the Sorcerer's mighty orbs were flung to the four corners of Norrisville Ah! Ah! For 800 years, the evil orbs lay dormant, until Well, well, what we got here? [Randy.]
The spheres contain a terrible darkness, a source of unlimited power [cackling.]
[groans.]
Booray has one of the Sorcerer's powerballs! I have to get it back! Howard! Howard? Howard? Ah, I shloomped through the whole class! Ahhh! Ow.
Knew it, knew it, and knew it.
Five hundred emails and not a single thing I don't already know! What isn't Cunningham telling me? [Booray.]
It be Ninja-poppin' time! Hoo-boy! Ninja-poppin' time? How I'm gonna pop da Ninja, you ax? I didn't ax.
But I am interested.
Da closer my puppet be to the Eye of Eternities the stronger my pull on his strings.
[squeaks.]
Now, to give the Ninja a reason to show himself.
[laughing.]
O-M-Sorcerer! [muffled roars.]
Gotta tell Cunningham! [groans of disgust.]
I gotta get outta here! - Ya! - Whoa, ho! Cunningham! I just saw the grossest thing in the bathroom! No! I don't have time to hear another one of your disgusting stories! [muffled.]
Howard, for once, just keep it to yourself! I have to find Booray! What the juice was that?! [roars.]
I'm thinking it's Ninja Time.
[students screaming.]
[roars.]
[sinister cackling.]
Mr.
Booray! Here at N.
H.
S.
, sub-stitute teachers transforming into monsters is highly frowned upon! [Randy.]
Ninja principal kick! [snarling.]
Just hand over the powerball and we can forget all about this.
You know who won't forget about this? The school board, that's who! [roars.]
Ninja leap! How do I de-stank this guy? - [Howard.]
You can't.
- Huh? - He's not stanked.
- What?! How do you know? Oops! There I go telling you everything again! What do you know about this?! Tell me what you're not telling me! [groans.]
I'm not not telling you anything! Oh, then I'm not not telling you anything either.
[snarling.]
Huh? Howard! Fine! Yes, there are things I don't tell you! Ha! Yes! I knew it! Like what? I will tell you later! - Promise? - I promise! I promise! - Now please! - Fine.
- Booray ate a giant glowing ball.
- He ate-a, a what? Yeah.
It was shnasty.
And the closer he gets to the Sorcerer, the more powerful he gets, or whatever.
So if I get him away from the Sorcerer, he'll lose his power! - If you say so.
- I do say so! [roars.]
Hiyah! Ninja scarf sling! [roars.]
[Randy.]
Smokebomb! Hey Sphere-Sucker! Come and get me.
I'm losing my grasp! Must bring him back to the Eye! [dialtone.]
[sobbing.]
No! The beast is out of my control! Punch it! The gas, I mean.
With your foot.
I guess "step on it" is what I'm trying to say.
[Booray roars.]
[all scream.]
[shrieks.]
Getting a little claws-terphobic back here! I've got a bad feeling about this-zing.
[roars.]
Ah! Now he's nowhere near the Sorcerer.
Why isn't he changing back? [growls.]
The powerball! Gotta get him to hork it up.
Ninja pukin' poke! [exasperations.]
[snarls.]
Ah! How do I get this thing to barf? [ding.]
[gasps.]
Howard's story! That's it! So there I was, up to my third knuckle, maybe my fourth, and you know what I pull out? The biggest, greenest, juiciest [brakes screech.]
[jackhammering.]
[no dialogue.]
and it was covered in hair! But the grossest thing was.
.
[jackhammering.]
[no dialogue.]
told him not to eat it, but he did! [retching.]
Ninja sprint! Whoo! Oh-now, child! Where I be at? What happen to da swamp?! Hang a left! [both yelling.]
[coughing.]
Oh! Dere da swamp go! Neva mind! Smokebomb! I can't believe it You stole my booger story! That was a true thing that happened to me! Buf, trust me, it was as disgusting to tell as it was to hear.
[chuckles.]
Yeah, that one's a classic.
I have to keep this thing from falling into the wrong hands No, what you have to do is: Tell me what you haven't been telling me! Fine.
Sometimes, in the right light, your sister is pretty spicy.
[retching.]
Why would you say something like that? What? She's got those socks and that little clip in her hair - Stop! Stop talking! - [chuckles.]
And that voice, - come on with that voice - I hate you so much right now! [music.]
[sighs.]
I used to think hot soup was cool.
But I was wrong! Frozen soup? That's what's hot! These new soupsicles are the cheese! Except for the meat ones.
Those are the meat! I love them so much! [slurping.]
[Randy.]
"Warning: do not consume more than two soupsicles in 24 hours?" - I wonder why that is - No! Don't ask why that is! Yeah! Why that is? Looks like I found my next exposé for the Norrisville High Gazette Times Tribune Weekly Daily Press Chronicle: Online Edition! Great job, Cunningham! Now "Scoops" Kang is gonna investigative report us right out of soupsicles! - I'm sure that's not gonna happen.
- Are you? Are you sure?! [Howard.]
"Hallway mopeds revoked! Two day school week scrapped! TVs removed from desks!" Spinney newspaper app recalled for the McFistPad Aw! You're right! Her comprehensive reporting and in-depth analysis ruin everything we love.
I have to stop her.
She's the youngest editor in the history of the N.
H.
G.
T.
T.
W.
D.
P.
C.
- Online edition.
You can't stop her! - Maybe I can't but I know someone who can.
Aw now?! Howard, save my Nope, you're eating it.
You've already eaten it.
Great! Alright machine.
Vegetable beef.
Warm me up a cold one.
Okay, Nomicon, little help here.
Oooph! "Beware the wrong words from the right person.
" Yes! Exactly! I have to stop Debbie Kang from writing the wrong words.
So, can I go do that now? Ah! Smokebomb! [coughing.]
Probably shouldn't do that in confined spaces.
Maybe crack a window.
[coughing.]
Ninja! What are you doing here? Good question.
One of the five W's.
Number two, I think.
No wonder you're the youngest editor in the history of the N.
H.
G.
T.
T.
W.
D.
P.
C.
Online edition.
- Cut to the chase, Ninja.
- Not a big fan of the small talk, huh? That's alright.
Listen, do the Ninja a solid.
Back off the soupsicles, Debbie Kang.
C'mon Ninja.
What kind of frozen soup on a stick comes with a warning label? - Something's fishy.
- Yeah.
It's the chowder.
And it's delicious.
Just because something's delicious doesn't mean it's safe.
[chuckling.]
De-e-e-bbie we're talkin' soup here! Harmless.
Frozen.
Natural - probably.
- But can I quote you? Sure.
Why not? I love soupsicles! Hmmmm.
Ninja loves soupsicles! [yelling.]
I hate that guy! But you gotta admit, he does give great headline.
Frozen soup on a stick! And you said it couldn't be done.
I said it could be done! Then I did it! - We showed 'em all, didn't we? - Sir! You can't eat that! It's your third soupsicle.
If you exceed the daily recommended dose - What? - Well let's just say I wouldn't recommend it.
Nice work, Cunningham.
You got Kang to drop the story! [stomach rumbles.]
You okay, buddy? [loud rumble.]
Did that come from inside of you? [rumbling.]
[belches.]
Ah! Om-nom.
Better than okay! Those things taste twice as good on the way back.
Howard, your eyes were glowing! You think it's 'cause of the soupsicles? [laughing.]
I'm laughing because what you said is so ridiculous.
[laughing.]
Yeah, no, you're probably right.
- So, how many of those have you had? - I dunno this many? Boooof! Y'know the sign said you're only supposed - to have two of those a day.
- Yeah, well the Ninja loves them.
And if it's good enough for the Ninja, it's good enough for me.
[growling.]
My mouth's itchy [chuckling.]
[Randy.]
Smokebomb! [coughing.]
Sorry, sorry.
Window, got it.
What is it now, Ninja? [chuckling.]
Yeah, funny thing, about before I may have jumped the gun on the whole "soupsicles" thing.
- So you don't love them? - No, I love them, but they may not be as safe as I thought they were.
"Soupsicles: Delicious? Or deadly?!" No, no, no! Not deadly.
More like unsafe-sicles.
Unsafesicles! Good stuff.
Listen, if this Ninja thing doesn't work out for ya, - you come work for me.
- Great, great! That would be - Smokebomb! - [Debbie coughing.]
Are you kidding me? [Howard.]
Nooooooo-ho-ho-ho-ho! - Howard? - You can't do this! Soupsicles are my life.
Come on, have a heart! Due to a recent exposé in the NHS-G.
T.
T.
W.
D.
P.
C.
Online Edition, soupsicles are now banned.
Hey, buddy.
What's going on? - You seem upset? - I'm upset all right! Thanks to Debbie Kang and her stupid newspaper I'm losing the only thing I ever loved.
My heart burns, Cunningham.
[groans.]
Howard? Howard, speak to me! - Burp! Burp in my mouth! - Stop him, Cunningham! Don't let him take my soupsicles [groans.]
Don't worry.
I'll fix everything.
Hold it right there, Robo Ape! [whispers.]
You gotta get this machine outta here.
That is what I was doing before you stopped me.
No! It's not fair! [whispers.]
Gotta get him off the soup.
Keep going, push right past me.
Make it look real.
Get out of the way.
Great! Yeah! That is good.
You're nailing it! No! For the love of shoob-manity! All is lost.
Sorry, Howard.
I tried, man Howard? Howard?! Howard! No Howard! I'm gonna find out! [phone beeps.]
Call Howard! [phone.]
Calling Howard.
[phone rings.]
[fart sound.]
[Howard.]
Leave a message.
[phone beeps.]
[grunting, sucking, panting.]
We're taking a bath in frozen soup here, Viceroy.
I can't believe the Ninja turned on soupsicles like that! Well at least nothing bad happened.
- [Debbie.]
Define "bad.
" - Yikes! Who are you supposed to be? Debbie Kang, for the N.
H.
G.
T.
T.
W.
D.
P.
C.
Online edition.
We ask the questions people want answered.
- Like what? - Like what happens when you eat more than two soupsicles in a day? Ooh, that is a question I want answered.
Well, it's hard to describe.
It's kind of ah, well and a little bit, eeeh, but mostly it's like [metal clanging.]
[steam hissing.]
Om-nom-nom-nom-nom! [belches.]
- That.
- Sooooooouup! [roars.]
You! You ruin soup! Nom-nom-nom-nom! [screams.]
Blah! Nom nom! [panting.]
Okay [panting.]
Okay.
I had to run there was a train I too long three engines think it was a freight train You! You ruin soup, too! Nom-nom-nom-nom-nom-nom! You sold this stuff in schools?! Don't look at me.
I said it couldn't be done.
- How do I change him back? - It's soupsicle Madness.
The only cure is to cleanse his system.
Well that shouldn't be too hard.
[gulping.]
[roars.]
Come on! What the soup is wrong with you?! Ninja! Help! - Hiyah! - Nom nom noooooom! Ouch.
Nom nom.
- What was that? - I don't wanna hurt him You write wrong words! Make soupsicles go away! Nom nom.
[gasps.]
Beware the wrong words from the right person! Hiyah! I used my ninj-fluence to get Debbie Kang to back off the soupsicle story! I put you in danger! - Your fight isn't with her, it's with me.
- It's true.
Now all we have to do is get that soup out of you.
Mr.
McFist! Can I get an exclusive interview about the mutant soup you put in Norrisville High? Uh Guh I'll get back to you on that Gave her the slip, Viceroy.
I'm never gonna get back to her on that.
How do I get all that soupsicle out of his system?! Nom nom nom nom! Ninja running water sound effect balls! Uh! Nom nom nom! Nom nom nom! Is he doing the pee pee dance? Pee pee dance? How old are you? Y'know Viceroy, I'm glad to wash my hands of the whole thing.
We are not soup men.
We should stick to the Ninja destroying business, and whatever else we do.
Outta towels over here.
[groans.]
Whew! That was epic! - Are you okay? - [Debbie.]
I'm not okay! - If anyone cares! - I care! [screams.]
Ninja editor save! Debbie Kang, I'm sorry I messed with your story.
You should be free to write anything you want.
- Anything? - Yes.
Anything.
I mean, nothing libelous.
You probably already knew that nothing libelous.
Skip that stuff.
But yeah, any-anything.
- Smokebomb me home, Ninja! - Smokebomb! [Howard coughing.]
Guys? Guys?! Can't see anything in here.
Can somebody crack a window? [music.]
Hmm.