Robot Chicken s02e02 Episode Script

It's alive! ¤ This is how I dance when I'm not wearing underpants ¤ ¤ Nothing I like more than to dance, and I'm not gonna wear no pants ¤ ¤ You can't make me ¤ J.
K.
Rowling.
- Cor blimey, are you an angel? - I am from the future.
In 15 years' time you will be a best-selling children's book author whose net worth is more than one billion American dollars.
I had an idea about a boy wizard.
No.
Your books will be about a magical raccoon.
He has an afro, his name is Squiggles and he shoots pixie dust out of his bunghole.
Thank you.
I'll start right away.
OK, little girl, pick any pet you'd like.
Thanks.
What are you doing in here, Mr.
Kitty Cat? A space time vortex opened up on my home planet, Thundera and I suddenly found myself on Earth where cats apparently don't share the same rights as humans.
You're so cute! I choose you.
I can't wait for show and tell.
¤ Vicky has cooties, Vicky has cooties ¤ Stop it, Billy.
Vicky does not have cooties.
Anyone else? Anyone else? Come on, I got nine lives and a whole can of whoo-pass.
Bad! Bad Mr.
Kitty Cat! Fine, fine.
I overreacted.
Sorry, everybody.
Sorry, that one's on me.
Please stop that.
This is my new pet.
His name is Mr.
Kitty Cat, and I got him at the pound.
Actually, my name is Lion-o, leader of the Thundercats.
- I'm the chosen one.
- Lame.
Come on, Vicky! Aren't we still friends? - B-F-F.
- No.
- Vicky! - Go to hell! Don't worry, Lion-o.
We'll find you a home.
Miss Prissy Pants, stop fussing with your bow.
This bow sucks! And my name is Lion-o Leader of the Thundercats, sworn to Oopsie, grouchy kitties don't get any tuna.
I better get some frickin' tuna.
- Yes? - Because your wife was a bitch? Because she was a bitch.
Yes.
There you go.
One shaved head.
Great! Let's make the carpet match the drapes.
Margaret.
Sarah.
A pony! A pony! Yay, a pony! Only one of you gets the pony.
The other one gets a whipping.
Now let's see those report cards.
The British are coming! The British are coming! A shortcut.
Here, Clifford! Here, boy! No, Clifford, no! Bad dog, Clifford! Bad dog! Clifford.
You know I've never done a neutering before? Just do your best.
Now live from the Shady Acres Nursing Home the legendary Evel Knievel's greatest stunt ever only on Pay-Per-View.
It's Moses! He's back.
God has blessed me with ten irrefutable Commandments for living.
Is there anything on there about not pushing your religion on other people? - No.
- Didn't think so.
Number one.
He who smelt it, dealt it.
What's so funny? Stop it.
Stop laughing.
Hey, Björk, Björk.
Hey, Mork.
Nanoo.
Hey, dork.
New York.
Quark! Tour? Zork.
Pork.
A fork? Where the fork? Need a fork.
There a spork.
Spork, spork.
There the Orc! Orc! What kept you, honey? Dinner's waiting.
Get the hell off my back, woman! Can I get a moment of fucking peace? Yeah.
Now just like that.
Now spank me and call me daddy.
- Mein Kampf! - Sieg heil! Achtung! Achtung! Hello? Douche.
I walked into a door.
Well, then, can I interest you in our line of Nerf doors? What about stairs? She's gonna need some Nerf stairs, too.
Good morning.
What are we gonna do today, Corey Feldman? Same thing we do every day, Corey Haim.
We save the world.
Let's go start the day.
Yeah! This just in.
President Bush's daughters are missing in action after the helicopter carrying them to a USO tour event crashed in the Brazilian rain forest.
The military released the following videotape just prior to the crash.
It is a party! My dad's the President.
Miss Bush, please! I can't see! Look out! Two presidential daughters.
That's one for each of us.
Feld-dog, let's roll.
- Coordinates are locked in.
- Let's punch it.
Let's go, go, go, go! This is tight! This is tight! And that's what would it be like if we had the Corey van and the Corey jet.
Listen to me.
We should have Corey rocket packs.
Corey, I got an idea for you.
How about a nice, tall glass of shut the fuck up? Barkeep.
Nice frosty cola right here.
Two straws, please.
- We don't serve your kind here.
- Our kind? You mean Americans? No, I mean anyone who's ever been on the cover of a teen magazine like Buff, Tiger Beat Teen Beat, Cosmo Girl, J-14 Boy, did you guys pick the wrong two Coreys.
Guys.
Listen.
We don't want any trouble and I don't think you do, either, so To the contrary, trouble is what you now have because we are giving it to you.
Orientation of Sexual Wait! Wait.
Just wait a second.
Now we're gonna tear it up.
Lost Boys style.
My ear! That wasn't Gotcha! Thanks for helping us, douche Screech.
The location of the Bush daughters is here.
And now I must return to my Muay Thai kickbox training.
Why would you help us? Because I, too, am a former teen idol.
No.
Actually, you were more like a second third banana on a B-rated kids' show, but hey, whatever you say.
What the hell is this place? Is this the place? Could this be the place? I'm going in either way, so Love shack, baby! - Presidential babes.
- We're here to rescue you.
- Rescue us? - You can go straight to hell! Yeah, we're finally free! Free to party! We're never going home.
Look, Feld-dog, if we can't bring them home, we can't be heroes.
Well, Haim, looks like we've got to rely on our one true skill.
You're not talking about the thing we do with our taints, are you? No, Corey.
Acting.
Though Corey Haim and Corey Feldman couldn't be here today I want to thank them for bringing my precious daughters home.
I hereby declare that anyone who hates the Coreys also hates America.
Feld-dog, what happens if they find the real Bush twins, man? Fat chance.
Dad? Damn you to hell, Corey Haim and Corey Feldman.
My dad's the President.
I'm gonna get you buried in oil and then I'm gonna have my daddy invade you! My dad will get you hurt.
Yeah, how'd you like to have your ass kicked by Halli Burton or Halliblurton? Think, Jenna, we're like old apples tied up to a bag of shit.
It's dark.
All right, all right.
I got to go to the bathroom.
Eat my air! Look at me go!