Shining Vale (2022) s02e02 Episode Script
Chapter Ten: She's Real
1
[PAT] Previously on Shining Vale
When your mom and I saw it,
we fell in love with it.
[PAT] It's 100 miles away from
all the crazy in the city.
How many fucking possessed
women do you get in here?
Rosemary, get the fuck out of my house.
This is for you, Patricia.
[PAT] The neighbor killed
herself on our fence.
[ROSEMARY] I want to throw a party.
[PAT] We can invite
all of our new friends.
- I'm Claire Vanderbilt.
- This is Laird.
I'm so sorry I peed your floor.
Please have me back.
You are the worst therapist ever!
Gaynor, tell them I'm not crazy!
- The electric shock treatment.
- [SCREAMS]
You zapped Rosemary right out of me.
Jake and I don't need you
and Dad doesn't remember you.
[SCREAMS]
I don't play VR anymore.
[FRED] You still scared of that girl?
What game? I'm Daisy.
I'm gonna be the best wife and mother.
That's what you'll talk about
on the book tour.
[PAT] What, you already published it?
[GAYNOR] How do I know you're
not gonna go batshit again?
Because I am in control.
I am in
[DISTORTED NEIGHING]
Hello, dear. So good to see you.
[EERIE MUSIC PLAYING]
Fuck.
- [HEARTBEAT THUMPING]
- Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God, oh, my God.
Oh, my God, oh, my God.
♪
[GROANS]
Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Gaynor, can I talk to you
just for a sec?
What's the matter why are you
breathing like Roxy?
Because I need to go to
[TERRY] Need to go where, Pat?
[TENSE MUSIC PLAYS]
Get ice cream.
- [JAKE] Yes!
- [TERRY] Road trip!
Let's do it.
- Hi. I have a return.
- [PAT] It's not a return.
I just need a quick
outpatient shock treatment.
Uh, sorry. We don't do that.
Gaynor, why don't you go
find your dad and brother?
Mommy's gonna talk to the nurse
for just a second.
Mm, maybe Mommy could've driven
herself to the mental hospital.
Listen, I don't think you understand.
I'm in a serious crisis.
I just need a quick zap.
- I'll be out of your hair.
- That's not how it works.
- Do you know who I am?
- Yes. You're Patricia Phelps.
Your insurance ran out
and you're no longer a patient here.
What, am I not
crazy enough for you, huh?
What do you want me to do, huh?
Do you want me to
[TRILLING]
You want me to take a shit on the floor?
The state no longer
considers that insane,
but go for it.
[BUZZER BUZZES]
[GUSSIE] I'm not crazy! I'm not crazy!
I'm not!
I am.
[JAKE] Dad, I'm scared.
She's gonna be fine.
No, I mean, the ice cream place
closes at 9:00.
We're not gonna make it.
Shh, let's not miss out
on this chance to bond.
What kind of dad was I? Hmm?
Honestly, Dad,
right now, I'm just
trying not to rip
this chair out of the floor
and throw it through that window.
I'm gonna walk around.
[EERIE MUSIC PLAYS]
♪
Hi.
♪
Okay.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
♪
[MOUTHING WORDS]
[ELECTRICITY ZAPPING]
[MOUTHING WORDS]
Let's go. Total bust.
Apparently, I'm not crazy
enough for this place anymore.
[JAKE] I hope you're crazy
enough to drive full speed
into the mall, because in one minute,
the ice cream store closes.
Fuck. We're not getting ice cream.
We have ice cream at home.
It's not the same and you know it!
[EERIE MUSICAL STING]
♪
[PAT] Gaynor, let's go.
I don't know why I get excited
about anything.
- Almost. It's Phelps.
- [BOTH] We are Phelps.
[ALL] We are Phelps. We are Phelps.
They're amazing.
I hate this place.
[ALL] We are Phelps.
[EERIE MUSIC PLAYS]
♪
[BUZZER BUZZES]
[GAYNOR] Jake, I'm tired of
washing your sheets every day.
Either do your own laundry
or put a sock on it.
I am a growing boy.
Yeah, well, grow into a tissue.
Hey, Jake, help me out here.
I'm trying to read your mom's book.
Ever since the accident,
I still have problems
with abstract word fractions
like look at this.
I'm not allowed to read that.
[SIGHS] Well, your dad says you can.
"The mailman obli-ged"
That's obliged. The G is like a J.
Okay. All right. There you go.
"The mailmen obliged
and fin-jer ban-jed"
Okay, um, that's fingerbanged.
- [TERRY] Say it again.
- [JAKE] Fingerbanged.
- [TERRY] Say it again.
- Fingerbanged.
- I hate this.
- Well, no.
We're father-son bonding.
"He fingerbanged her tig-hit snatch."
[JAKE] Okay, I'm leaving.
Hey, sorry I overslept.
Did I miss breakfast?
Twice. It's Thursday.
I slept for two days
and no one checked on me?
I'm sorry, I was a little busy
taking care
of your newborn husband and your son
who's turning his laundry
into sheetrock.
Hey, being a mascot is stressful.
You try walking a mile
in my fuzzy shoes.
I'm sorry, honey,
I wanted to check on you,
but I'm still having a problem
with the stairs,
and the electric chair wasn't working.
The electric chair?
The chair that helps you get
up and down the back steps.
Back steps?
Jesus Christ, we have an electric chair
that gets old people upstairs.
- [PAT] Gaynor.
- Yeah?
- You don't have to do this.
- [GAYNOR] No, I can do it.
It's not your job. I'll take it.
No, I can do it. No, leave it.
[PAT] Come on. Give it to me.
- Give it to me.
- Leave it.
[PAT] Oh, my God,
what is wrong with you?
[GAYNOR GROANS]
You happy? You broke Jake's pillowcase.
Jake, you've got to be careful
with your VR headset.
I didn't put that there.
I don't play with that anymore.
All right, will everybody relax?
I'm sorry, we all don't have the luxury
of sleeping for two days.
No one woke me up.
I'm not your alarm clock, Mom.
Okay, you know, I'm your mother.
- [TERRY] Hey.
- I respect your stuff.
- [OVERLAPPING ARGUMENT]
- [TERRY] Hey!
[CANE BANGING]
As the leader of this family,
I've made a decision.
We need professional help.
I'm gonna get us to the best
doctor we can afford.
I have to admit, I'm a bit surprised
to hear from you, Terry.
You were in my phone under
"cheap therapist."
Terry fell down the stairs and suffered
a traumatic brain injury
and lost his memory.
Ah, I see.
Yeah, and then this one went batshit,
leaving me to clean up their mess.
That's our story.
Actually, the epilogue is,
I'm home and I am healthy.
And the sequel is,
I had to drive her back
to the mental hospital two days ago.
And the reboot is, I was
too healthy to be let back in.
Guys, please. He's a professional.
We paid a lot of money to hear from him.
Please, Doctor.
Thank you, Terry.
You've all been through
a lifetime's worth of trauma.
Healing as a family requires
a lot of individual work
- and patience.
- Screw that.
Listen, something's happened
to my memory,
and I need it back now.
- That's not an ashtray.
- I don't mind.
Something disturbing
happened in my past.
- I feel like it's right here
- [FLESH SQUELCHING]
and I can't get to it.
What about art therapy?
Painting allows people with
physical and verbal challenges
access to thoughts, emotions, and fears
they can't otherwise express.
I've had quite a bit of success at it.
[CREEPY MUSICAL STINGS]
♪
I'm sorry. Can we go?
I'm the only one in this family
with a job,
and I can't afford to get fired.
No one asked you to quit school.
Well, I have to take care
of this family.
That's a big job for a girl.
Or even a boy.
You have to find a way
to resolve that stress,
or it can lead to long-term
psychological damage.
Your mother is a fine example
of trauma run amok.
Ah, thanks for those genes, Mom.
Okay, well, I also gave you
my thigh gap, so
Obviously there's some
mother-daughter issues at play.
No, I don't have any issues.
I just want to go back to being
a loving wife and mother.
Why don't you try something
you're good at instead?
[LAUGHS] Good one.
Button, let's be respectful
to our mother.
She's an amazing woman.
[DR. BERG] Everybody in
this family needs a break.
Reward yourself
with something you enjoy.
You-you're a writer. Do that.
No writer enjoys writing.
Besides, my book is finished.
I guess I could promote it, but
I really want to focus on this family.
Anyone here in favor of that?
- Fuck no.
- No thanks.
- I'll call Kam on the way home.
- Outstanding.
What about you, my furry friend?
Sometimes the youngest in the family
gets lost in the shuffle.
Now is your time to be seen and heard.
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
Last year, there was this
girl in my VR headset, and
she was, like, trying to get me
to do something
Well, get used to that.
- [WATCH BEEPS]
- Ah, that's our time, Phelps.
He's good.
♪
[DRAMATIC MUSICAL STING]
[GASPS]
Hello, dear.
Get the fuck out of my house.
Honey, are you okay?
Yeah. Why do you ask?
You're screaming at our neighbor.
- Hi.
- Hi, Ter.
You see her?
Yeah. [CHUCKLES]
[CHUCKLES]
I let her in. Pat, this is Ruth.
[RUTH] Levin.
I- I just bought the house next door.
Apparently, the former owner,
she committed suicide.
- What are you gonna do?
- [DOORBELL RINGS]
Oh, that's for me.
Guy named Lard called.
Said he's my best friend. I don't know.
Ter-bear, think fast.
I just don't have it yet. I
No, no. You're-you're getting better.
[TERRY] No, I'm not.
What are you doing here?
Well, like I said, I'm just, you know,
doing a little juicing
for Terry and the kids.
I'm just trying to help out
a little bit around here.
Are you okay?
♪
You're real.
You're real too.
I used to know someone
who looked just like you.
Isn't that funny?
I- I was thinking
you look so familiar too.
Are you from Brooklyn?
Everyone in Connecticut
is from Brooklyn.
Okay, so did you walk your dog
in Prospect Park?
No.
Did you possess me in my attic?
No.
Hold on. We'll get it.
All right, so it couldn't be
Rizzo's Butcher
because I was a vegetarian back then.
So we never met there.
And it's not Murray's Cheese
because I was lactose intolerant.
[GASPS] Oh, June Cleaver.
- What?
- [RUTH] Ah.
You were in a prenatal yoga class
about 17 years ago.
- Cobble Hill Kundalini.
- [PAT] Yeah.
- [RUTH] Yes.
- I only went twice.
I went on the regular.
I mean, in fact,
I did absolutely everything
Dr. Spock recommended,
which really bugged the crap out of you.
I remember one day, I said
that having a baby
was what my whole life
was leading up to.
And then you called me June Cleaver
and everyone laughed, except me.
- I found it hurtful.
- Oh, my God.
Last year, I was
tormented by this imaginary
'50s housewife.
You must've made
a real impression on me,
because she had your face.
Oh, I don't know what to do with that.
[PAT] Nothing.
I just met the face
of my mental illness.
Ah. Well, do me a favor, dear.
Will you hand
your mental illness that knife?
Oh, yeah.
- [RUTH] Thank you.
- Wow.
So if you were in that yoga class,
you must have a kid Gaynor's age.
It is the worst, right?
Well, my Leo's an angel.
Oh, well, you're lucky.
My Gaynor is she hates me.
I mean, my Leo's an angel.
- He was stillborn.
- Oh.
What are you gonna do?
- [JUICER WHIRS]
- Oh, God.
So I based Rosemary
on this woman I used to know.
Well, can she sue?
- I don't think so.
- Then who gives a fuck?
Okay, I think we're done.
[PAT] Thank you.
How do I look?
You look great.
She looks like the Joker.
I've done everything I can.
I know I'm sweating.
I just think I'm nervous
to talk about the book.
You know what, honey?
I say, let's just call it.
Let's get out of here.
They can go long with
the snake therapy segment.
No, I have to do something productive.
- I need to mic you.
- Okay.
[KAM] Okay, well, you never get
a second chance
to make a first impression,
so let's stick to the story.
No ghosts. No demons.
You had a mental breakdown
while you were writing your book,
and now you're recovered.
That is the story.
Yup. Just like that.
[SIGHS] Jesus fucking Christ.
And then my catalytic converter
do you know what that is
got stolen, so that was
kind of sucky, but oh, also
[LAUGHS] Terry, I have a girlfriend now.
Oh.
Yeah, we met at your party.
Oh, Claire's a writer.
Wicked smart. What else?
Um, well, she's in a coma.
Do you remember Claire?
No. Honestly, I don't remember you.
[CHUCKLES] Oh, come on.
Sure you do. Terry, I'm you best friend.
[MOUTHING] Right.
I peed on your floor
before the ambulance came.
Stupid.
Now, I-I do remember an ambulance.
[GASPS]
And I remember lying on the floor.
Oh.
Yeah. There's lots of colors.
- [BLADE THUNKS]
- Uh-huh. Coming back to me.
[BLADE THUNKS]
And there was yelling.
It was loud and scary and
and
And?
[BLADE THUNKS]
And and-and
Just fucking say it, Terry!
No. I forgot it.
That happens.
Anyway, I'm about done here
with the painting
if you want to take a peek.
[LAIRD] Wow.
I wish Claire's brain was alive
to see this.
I'm gonna go and rub
ice chips on her lips.
- See ya, buddy.
- [TERRY] All right.
I'm gonna figure out
what happened to me.
[LACY] We're here with soft porn
publishing phenom Pat Phelps.
Try saying that three times fast.
[LAUGHS]
So great to have you on the show, Pat.
Ah, thanks, Lacy. Is it hot in here?
Not for me, but I'm younger. [LAUGHS]
Let's talk about your new book,
Rosemary's Revenge.
It's kind of a slashy thriller
with a retro '50s vibe.
Well, actually it's about
mental illness and recovery.
Well, you haven't really recovered.
Have you, you crazy bitch? [LAUGHS]
Yes, I have, and that's not nice.
Oh, well, what about Terry?
Does he know about
the choppy choppy choppy?
- [LAUGHS]
- [STATIC CRACKLING]
Um, can we talk about something else?
Of course. What's gonna happen
now that Rosemary lives next door?
No, her name is Ruth.
That's exactly what a demon would say.
- [DISTORTED LAUGH]
- I think I'm done here.
[LACY] Ooh. [DISTORTED LAUGHTER]
[PAT] Get me the fuck out of here!
[LACY LAUGHING] [IMITATES BUZZING]
Help!
I'm sorry, Pat.
This isn't the loony bin.
You're not getting out of here early.
Get me the fuck out of here!
Oh, my God.
Wow. Thank you, Pat Phelps.
We're gonna cut to commercial
and, uh, call our legal team.
Up next, 16 more minutes
of snake therapy
than we originally planned.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, I'm okay.
- [PERSON] Cut.
- [BUZZING]
What the hell happened?
I don't know. I fell asleep.
I'm not ready for this.
Trish, look at me. You're fine, okay?
You fucked up on
Good Morning, Shining Vale.
I mean, maybe four people saw it.
[PHONE CHIMING]
[GAYNOR GROANS]
[EERIE MUSIC PLAYS]
♪
What the hell?
[SINGER] You and no one Else will do ♪
And I ♪
I've got to have My way now, baby ♪
All I know is that to me ♪
You look like You're having fun ♪
Open up your loving arms ♪
Watch out, here I come ♪
You spin me right 'round
Baby, right 'round ♪
Like a record, baby
Right 'round, 'round, 'round ♪
You spin me right 'round
Baby, right 'round ♪
Like a record, baby
Right 'round, 'round, 'round ♪
♪
[EERIE MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
[STATIC CRACKLING]
[INDISTINCT WHISPERING]
[STATIC AND WHISPERING BUILDING]
[GHOSTLY VOICE] Gaynor.
Get out!
Holy fuck.
[PAT] Hey, Ruth.
Hey, Pat.
I'm just doing a little gardening.
The soil here is so fertile,
especially near the fence.
Don't you think it's a little weird
that out of all the places
that you could move to,
it's right next door to someone
who used to bully you
almost 20 years ago?
And that you're the face
of my mental illness?
You know, Pat,
I've been through so much in my life,
so I've stopped asking myself, "Why me,"
and I've started
asking myself, "Why me?"
I don't hear the difference.
Do you believe in signs?
No. Yes.
I don't I'm neutral. Why?
[SIGHS] A few months back,
I was feeling really down, you know?
I was tired of city life,
and all of a sudden
one sec, I have it in here somewhere.
What do I get in the mail?
Ah, here it is.
Look at that.
"Priced to sell." It means murder house.
- I got one too.
- [CROW CAWS]
Yeah, but maybe God put me here
so that we could try again.
This time as friends.
Yeah, that's not gonna happen.
Are you okay? You're shvitzing.
I've been sweating a lot lately
and I'm just really tired.
Why am I telling you this?
Because I'm easy to talk to, Pat.
Look, when I was your age,
many years ago,
I went through the change.
Many years ago? How old are you?
Well, a lady never tells,
but I had the hot flashes.
I had the bags under the eyes.
I had the dry coochie
until I discovered a miracle.
Weed? [SCOFFS]
- I can't. No.
- No, no.
This is herbal tea. It's au naturel.
It comes from the herbs in my garden.
Hand to God, if you drink this,
you are gonna feel 25 again.
You are gonna be moist
in all the right places.
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
♪
No, I can't.
No offense, but it's your face.
And you just said "moist" to a stranger.
But we're not strangers, Pat.
We're neighbors.
You'll be back.
[TENSE MUSIC PLAYS]
[GAYNOR] Hey.
Look, I found your ancient iPod
recorder in the pool table.
It's called a Walkman,
and it's not mine.
And it doesn't work.
Try pressing the power button.
I played it before.
It was pretty fucking creepy.
These batteries expired in 1985.
That was 20 years ago.
It was almost 40 years ago.
No, it's not. It's
Okay, what do you think you heard?
I don't know, It was the kind of music
in the movies you and Dad
used to think were hilarious
and now suck and then
someone screamed, "Get out."
You know I used to hear things.
No, this was different. It was real.
I thought it was real too.
If you want to talk about it
No, I'm just
I'm fucking with you.
Didn't they have jokes
in the mental home?
[VR HEADSET CHIMES]
What the hell?
[HEADSET CHIMES]
[HEADSET CHIMES]
Are you kidding me?
[HEADSET CHIMES]
[EERIE MUSIC PLAYS]
♪
- [BLADE THUNKS]
- [TERRY] Come on, Terry.
- Put it together.
- [BLADE THUNKS]
What happened?
What are you missing?
- [BLADE THUNKS]
- It's gotta be here.
[PIPE RATTLING]
♪
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
Terry! Terry!
Patty!
[PAT] Terry!
Patty!
♪
Hang on.
[PAT] Terry!
I'm coming.
♪
[CHAIR WHIRRING]
♪
[PAT] Terry!
I'm about halfway.
♪
Ah, shit.
[WHIRRING]
♪
[GASPING]
♪
Patty!
♪
[TERRY] Patty?
Yeah?
I came as fast as I could. Are you okay?
Yeah, why?
You were screaming.
Oh, I had a nightmare,
but that was a while ago.
[SIGHS]
Yeah, I mean, I-I gotta get that
chair motor fixed or something
'cause it's getting a little
- Whoa.
- Oh, my God.
No, no, no, it's-it's good. It's fine.
It's-it's better than fine. Nice job.
No, it just feels really weird
for you to see me naked
for the first time.
It's not the first time.
We have two grown children.
Yeah, but you were used to it.
It's like if you grow up in Cleveland,
you think, "Oh, isn't that
a beautiful city?"
But if you see it for the first time,
you're like, "Ew, is that
a river on fire?"
Well, maybe Terry likes
downtown Cleveland.
Maybe we stop calling me Cleveland.
I'm sorry, Terry.
It's just it's not happening.
[TERRY] Well [SIGHS]
I don't understand.
Did we not love each other?
Oh, we did. We do.
We will.
I just got out of the hospital
and I don't feel sexy.
I'm not there yet.
Maybe I should kiss you.
Yeah, okay.
Get that [CLEARS THROAT]
- See what I mean?
- Well, give it a second.
Ah, there's nothing.
Not with you.
Not with these goddamn stairs.
[SIGHS] I'm gonna go paint.
Try and figure out why all
my pictures have axes in them.
- What? They do?
- Yes, Pat.
Apparently, I have an axe
stuck in my head.
[PAT] Terry, wait.
Let's do it.
- Really?
- [PAT] Yeah.
- Hit the lights.
- [TERRY] Okay.
[PAT] And get the night-light.
Oh, maybe we should wait
till the moon goes behind that cloud.
Ah, yeah. Ooh, it's gonna be a minute.
- Won't be able to see anything.
- Exactly.
And while you're up,
will you hand me my purse?
I think my mom put some lube in there.
I
Wait. Where are you going?
I'm going to paint.
I-I don't want to have deep space sex
with your mom's lube.
[PAT] I'm sorry.
I promise I'll get there.
[TERRY] Dammit.
[SOFT MUSIC PLAYS]
[GROANS]
Ugh, screw it.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Hello, dear. Here it is.
Now, it's very important
you only take one cup
- Just give me the tea. Thanks.
- Oh,
- [PAT] Yeah, I need it.
- You don't need oh.
- Oh. Oh.
- [PAT] Thanks. All right. Bye.
[BRIGHT MUSIC PLAYS]
♪
Hello, Cleveland.
♪
Oh, this is pointless.
♪
[TENSE MUSIC PLAYS]
♪
[TERRY] "She co-hopped her family
up with an axe."
Holy fuck.
[DAISY] Jake.
What do you want from me?
♪
Hello, Jake.
[GULPS]
Come and play with me.
I don't like this game.
It's not the same game.
[GOAT SCREAMS]
[DISTORTED GRUNTING]
♪
[EERIE MUSIC PLAYS]
♪
What the fuck?
♪
Crazy bitch.
♪
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
Oh, my God.
[AXE THUNKS]
Hey, Lacy.
- Hi. It's me, Pat.
- Hi.
Hey. I was just on your show.
Are you serious?
There's nothing to be afraid of.
Okay.
Hey, I think I know who Rosemary is!
What?
- [SCREAMS]
- [WOMAN SCREAMS]
- [PAT] Shit.
- [CROWD SCREAMING]
What are you gonna do?
♪
[PAT] Previously on Shining Vale
When your mom and I saw it,
we fell in love with it.
[PAT] It's 100 miles away from
all the crazy in the city.
How many fucking possessed
women do you get in here?
Rosemary, get the fuck out of my house.
This is for you, Patricia.
[PAT] The neighbor killed
herself on our fence.
[ROSEMARY] I want to throw a party.
[PAT] We can invite
all of our new friends.
- I'm Claire Vanderbilt.
- This is Laird.
I'm so sorry I peed your floor.
Please have me back.
You are the worst therapist ever!
Gaynor, tell them I'm not crazy!
- The electric shock treatment.
- [SCREAMS]
You zapped Rosemary right out of me.
Jake and I don't need you
and Dad doesn't remember you.
[SCREAMS]
I don't play VR anymore.
[FRED] You still scared of that girl?
What game? I'm Daisy.
I'm gonna be the best wife and mother.
That's what you'll talk about
on the book tour.
[PAT] What, you already published it?
[GAYNOR] How do I know you're
not gonna go batshit again?
Because I am in control.
I am in
[DISTORTED NEIGHING]
Hello, dear. So good to see you.
[EERIE MUSIC PLAYING]
Fuck.
- [HEARTBEAT THUMPING]
- Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God, oh, my God.
Oh, my God, oh, my God.
♪
[GROANS]
Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Gaynor, can I talk to you
just for a sec?
What's the matter why are you
breathing like Roxy?
Because I need to go to
[TERRY] Need to go where, Pat?
[TENSE MUSIC PLAYS]
Get ice cream.
- [JAKE] Yes!
- [TERRY] Road trip!
Let's do it.
- Hi. I have a return.
- [PAT] It's not a return.
I just need a quick
outpatient shock treatment.
Uh, sorry. We don't do that.
Gaynor, why don't you go
find your dad and brother?
Mommy's gonna talk to the nurse
for just a second.
Mm, maybe Mommy could've driven
herself to the mental hospital.
Listen, I don't think you understand.
I'm in a serious crisis.
I just need a quick zap.
- I'll be out of your hair.
- That's not how it works.
- Do you know who I am?
- Yes. You're Patricia Phelps.
Your insurance ran out
and you're no longer a patient here.
What, am I not
crazy enough for you, huh?
What do you want me to do, huh?
Do you want me to
[TRILLING]
You want me to take a shit on the floor?
The state no longer
considers that insane,
but go for it.
[BUZZER BUZZES]
[GUSSIE] I'm not crazy! I'm not crazy!
I'm not!
I am.
[JAKE] Dad, I'm scared.
She's gonna be fine.
No, I mean, the ice cream place
closes at 9:00.
We're not gonna make it.
Shh, let's not miss out
on this chance to bond.
What kind of dad was I? Hmm?
Honestly, Dad,
right now, I'm just
trying not to rip
this chair out of the floor
and throw it through that window.
I'm gonna walk around.
[EERIE MUSIC PLAYS]
♪
Hi.
♪
Okay.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
♪
[MOUTHING WORDS]
[ELECTRICITY ZAPPING]
[MOUTHING WORDS]
Let's go. Total bust.
Apparently, I'm not crazy
enough for this place anymore.
[JAKE] I hope you're crazy
enough to drive full speed
into the mall, because in one minute,
the ice cream store closes.
Fuck. We're not getting ice cream.
We have ice cream at home.
It's not the same and you know it!
[EERIE MUSICAL STING]
♪
[PAT] Gaynor, let's go.
I don't know why I get excited
about anything.
- Almost. It's Phelps.
- [BOTH] We are Phelps.
[ALL] We are Phelps. We are Phelps.
They're amazing.
I hate this place.
[ALL] We are Phelps.
[EERIE MUSIC PLAYS]
♪
[BUZZER BUZZES]
[GAYNOR] Jake, I'm tired of
washing your sheets every day.
Either do your own laundry
or put a sock on it.
I am a growing boy.
Yeah, well, grow into a tissue.
Hey, Jake, help me out here.
I'm trying to read your mom's book.
Ever since the accident,
I still have problems
with abstract word fractions
like look at this.
I'm not allowed to read that.
[SIGHS] Well, your dad says you can.
"The mailman obli-ged"
That's obliged. The G is like a J.
Okay. All right. There you go.
"The mailmen obliged
and fin-jer ban-jed"
Okay, um, that's fingerbanged.
- [TERRY] Say it again.
- [JAKE] Fingerbanged.
- [TERRY] Say it again.
- Fingerbanged.
- I hate this.
- Well, no.
We're father-son bonding.
"He fingerbanged her tig-hit snatch."
[JAKE] Okay, I'm leaving.
Hey, sorry I overslept.
Did I miss breakfast?
Twice. It's Thursday.
I slept for two days
and no one checked on me?
I'm sorry, I was a little busy
taking care
of your newborn husband and your son
who's turning his laundry
into sheetrock.
Hey, being a mascot is stressful.
You try walking a mile
in my fuzzy shoes.
I'm sorry, honey,
I wanted to check on you,
but I'm still having a problem
with the stairs,
and the electric chair wasn't working.
The electric chair?
The chair that helps you get
up and down the back steps.
Back steps?
Jesus Christ, we have an electric chair
that gets old people upstairs.
- [PAT] Gaynor.
- Yeah?
- You don't have to do this.
- [GAYNOR] No, I can do it.
It's not your job. I'll take it.
No, I can do it. No, leave it.
[PAT] Come on. Give it to me.
- Give it to me.
- Leave it.
[PAT] Oh, my God,
what is wrong with you?
[GAYNOR GROANS]
You happy? You broke Jake's pillowcase.
Jake, you've got to be careful
with your VR headset.
I didn't put that there.
I don't play with that anymore.
All right, will everybody relax?
I'm sorry, we all don't have the luxury
of sleeping for two days.
No one woke me up.
I'm not your alarm clock, Mom.
Okay, you know, I'm your mother.
- [TERRY] Hey.
- I respect your stuff.
- [OVERLAPPING ARGUMENT]
- [TERRY] Hey!
[CANE BANGING]
As the leader of this family,
I've made a decision.
We need professional help.
I'm gonna get us to the best
doctor we can afford.
I have to admit, I'm a bit surprised
to hear from you, Terry.
You were in my phone under
"cheap therapist."
Terry fell down the stairs and suffered
a traumatic brain injury
and lost his memory.
Ah, I see.
Yeah, and then this one went batshit,
leaving me to clean up their mess.
That's our story.
Actually, the epilogue is,
I'm home and I am healthy.
And the sequel is,
I had to drive her back
to the mental hospital two days ago.
And the reboot is, I was
too healthy to be let back in.
Guys, please. He's a professional.
We paid a lot of money to hear from him.
Please, Doctor.
Thank you, Terry.
You've all been through
a lifetime's worth of trauma.
Healing as a family requires
a lot of individual work
- and patience.
- Screw that.
Listen, something's happened
to my memory,
and I need it back now.
- That's not an ashtray.
- I don't mind.
Something disturbing
happened in my past.
- I feel like it's right here
- [FLESH SQUELCHING]
and I can't get to it.
What about art therapy?
Painting allows people with
physical and verbal challenges
access to thoughts, emotions, and fears
they can't otherwise express.
I've had quite a bit of success at it.
[CREEPY MUSICAL STINGS]
♪
I'm sorry. Can we go?
I'm the only one in this family
with a job,
and I can't afford to get fired.
No one asked you to quit school.
Well, I have to take care
of this family.
That's a big job for a girl.
Or even a boy.
You have to find a way
to resolve that stress,
or it can lead to long-term
psychological damage.
Your mother is a fine example
of trauma run amok.
Ah, thanks for those genes, Mom.
Okay, well, I also gave you
my thigh gap, so
Obviously there's some
mother-daughter issues at play.
No, I don't have any issues.
I just want to go back to being
a loving wife and mother.
Why don't you try something
you're good at instead?
[LAUGHS] Good one.
Button, let's be respectful
to our mother.
She's an amazing woman.
[DR. BERG] Everybody in
this family needs a break.
Reward yourself
with something you enjoy.
You-you're a writer. Do that.
No writer enjoys writing.
Besides, my book is finished.
I guess I could promote it, but
I really want to focus on this family.
Anyone here in favor of that?
- Fuck no.
- No thanks.
- I'll call Kam on the way home.
- Outstanding.
What about you, my furry friend?
Sometimes the youngest in the family
gets lost in the shuffle.
Now is your time to be seen and heard.
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
Last year, there was this
girl in my VR headset, and
she was, like, trying to get me
to do something
Well, get used to that.
- [WATCH BEEPS]
- Ah, that's our time, Phelps.
He's good.
♪
[DRAMATIC MUSICAL STING]
[GASPS]
Hello, dear.
Get the fuck out of my house.
Honey, are you okay?
Yeah. Why do you ask?
You're screaming at our neighbor.
- Hi.
- Hi, Ter.
You see her?
Yeah. [CHUCKLES]
[CHUCKLES]
I let her in. Pat, this is Ruth.
[RUTH] Levin.
I- I just bought the house next door.
Apparently, the former owner,
she committed suicide.
- What are you gonna do?
- [DOORBELL RINGS]
Oh, that's for me.
Guy named Lard called.
Said he's my best friend. I don't know.
Ter-bear, think fast.
I just don't have it yet. I
No, no. You're-you're getting better.
[TERRY] No, I'm not.
What are you doing here?
Well, like I said, I'm just, you know,
doing a little juicing
for Terry and the kids.
I'm just trying to help out
a little bit around here.
Are you okay?
♪
You're real.
You're real too.
I used to know someone
who looked just like you.
Isn't that funny?
I- I was thinking
you look so familiar too.
Are you from Brooklyn?
Everyone in Connecticut
is from Brooklyn.
Okay, so did you walk your dog
in Prospect Park?
No.
Did you possess me in my attic?
No.
Hold on. We'll get it.
All right, so it couldn't be
Rizzo's Butcher
because I was a vegetarian back then.
So we never met there.
And it's not Murray's Cheese
because I was lactose intolerant.
[GASPS] Oh, June Cleaver.
- What?
- [RUTH] Ah.
You were in a prenatal yoga class
about 17 years ago.
- Cobble Hill Kundalini.
- [PAT] Yeah.
- [RUTH] Yes.
- I only went twice.
I went on the regular.
I mean, in fact,
I did absolutely everything
Dr. Spock recommended,
which really bugged the crap out of you.
I remember one day, I said
that having a baby
was what my whole life
was leading up to.
And then you called me June Cleaver
and everyone laughed, except me.
- I found it hurtful.
- Oh, my God.
Last year, I was
tormented by this imaginary
'50s housewife.
You must've made
a real impression on me,
because she had your face.
Oh, I don't know what to do with that.
[PAT] Nothing.
I just met the face
of my mental illness.
Ah. Well, do me a favor, dear.
Will you hand
your mental illness that knife?
Oh, yeah.
- [RUTH] Thank you.
- Wow.
So if you were in that yoga class,
you must have a kid Gaynor's age.
It is the worst, right?
Well, my Leo's an angel.
Oh, well, you're lucky.
My Gaynor is she hates me.
I mean, my Leo's an angel.
- He was stillborn.
- Oh.
What are you gonna do?
- [JUICER WHIRS]
- Oh, God.
So I based Rosemary
on this woman I used to know.
Well, can she sue?
- I don't think so.
- Then who gives a fuck?
Okay, I think we're done.
[PAT] Thank you.
How do I look?
You look great.
She looks like the Joker.
I've done everything I can.
I know I'm sweating.
I just think I'm nervous
to talk about the book.
You know what, honey?
I say, let's just call it.
Let's get out of here.
They can go long with
the snake therapy segment.
No, I have to do something productive.
- I need to mic you.
- Okay.
[KAM] Okay, well, you never get
a second chance
to make a first impression,
so let's stick to the story.
No ghosts. No demons.
You had a mental breakdown
while you were writing your book,
and now you're recovered.
That is the story.
Yup. Just like that.
[SIGHS] Jesus fucking Christ.
And then my catalytic converter
do you know what that is
got stolen, so that was
kind of sucky, but oh, also
[LAUGHS] Terry, I have a girlfriend now.
Oh.
Yeah, we met at your party.
Oh, Claire's a writer.
Wicked smart. What else?
Um, well, she's in a coma.
Do you remember Claire?
No. Honestly, I don't remember you.
[CHUCKLES] Oh, come on.
Sure you do. Terry, I'm you best friend.
[MOUTHING] Right.
I peed on your floor
before the ambulance came.
Stupid.
Now, I-I do remember an ambulance.
[GASPS]
And I remember lying on the floor.
Oh.
Yeah. There's lots of colors.
- [BLADE THUNKS]
- Uh-huh. Coming back to me.
[BLADE THUNKS]
And there was yelling.
It was loud and scary and
and
And?
[BLADE THUNKS]
And and-and
Just fucking say it, Terry!
No. I forgot it.
That happens.
Anyway, I'm about done here
with the painting
if you want to take a peek.
[LAIRD] Wow.
I wish Claire's brain was alive
to see this.
I'm gonna go and rub
ice chips on her lips.
- See ya, buddy.
- [TERRY] All right.
I'm gonna figure out
what happened to me.
[LACY] We're here with soft porn
publishing phenom Pat Phelps.
Try saying that three times fast.
[LAUGHS]
So great to have you on the show, Pat.
Ah, thanks, Lacy. Is it hot in here?
Not for me, but I'm younger. [LAUGHS]
Let's talk about your new book,
Rosemary's Revenge.
It's kind of a slashy thriller
with a retro '50s vibe.
Well, actually it's about
mental illness and recovery.
Well, you haven't really recovered.
Have you, you crazy bitch? [LAUGHS]
Yes, I have, and that's not nice.
Oh, well, what about Terry?
Does he know about
the choppy choppy choppy?
- [LAUGHS]
- [STATIC CRACKLING]
Um, can we talk about something else?
Of course. What's gonna happen
now that Rosemary lives next door?
No, her name is Ruth.
That's exactly what a demon would say.
- [DISTORTED LAUGH]
- I think I'm done here.
[LACY] Ooh. [DISTORTED LAUGHTER]
[PAT] Get me the fuck out of here!
[LACY LAUGHING] [IMITATES BUZZING]
Help!
I'm sorry, Pat.
This isn't the loony bin.
You're not getting out of here early.
Get me the fuck out of here!
Oh, my God.
Wow. Thank you, Pat Phelps.
We're gonna cut to commercial
and, uh, call our legal team.
Up next, 16 more minutes
of snake therapy
than we originally planned.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, I'm okay.
- [PERSON] Cut.
- [BUZZING]
What the hell happened?
I don't know. I fell asleep.
I'm not ready for this.
Trish, look at me. You're fine, okay?
You fucked up on
Good Morning, Shining Vale.
I mean, maybe four people saw it.
[PHONE CHIMING]
[GAYNOR GROANS]
[EERIE MUSIC PLAYS]
♪
What the hell?
[SINGER] You and no one Else will do ♪
And I ♪
I've got to have My way now, baby ♪
All I know is that to me ♪
You look like You're having fun ♪
Open up your loving arms ♪
Watch out, here I come ♪
You spin me right 'round
Baby, right 'round ♪
Like a record, baby
Right 'round, 'round, 'round ♪
You spin me right 'round
Baby, right 'round ♪
Like a record, baby
Right 'round, 'round, 'round ♪
♪
[EERIE MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
[STATIC CRACKLING]
[INDISTINCT WHISPERING]
[STATIC AND WHISPERING BUILDING]
[GHOSTLY VOICE] Gaynor.
Get out!
Holy fuck.
[PAT] Hey, Ruth.
Hey, Pat.
I'm just doing a little gardening.
The soil here is so fertile,
especially near the fence.
Don't you think it's a little weird
that out of all the places
that you could move to,
it's right next door to someone
who used to bully you
almost 20 years ago?
And that you're the face
of my mental illness?
You know, Pat,
I've been through so much in my life,
so I've stopped asking myself, "Why me,"
and I've started
asking myself, "Why me?"
I don't hear the difference.
Do you believe in signs?
No. Yes.
I don't I'm neutral. Why?
[SIGHS] A few months back,
I was feeling really down, you know?
I was tired of city life,
and all of a sudden
one sec, I have it in here somewhere.
What do I get in the mail?
Ah, here it is.
Look at that.
"Priced to sell." It means murder house.
- I got one too.
- [CROW CAWS]
Yeah, but maybe God put me here
so that we could try again.
This time as friends.
Yeah, that's not gonna happen.
Are you okay? You're shvitzing.
I've been sweating a lot lately
and I'm just really tired.
Why am I telling you this?
Because I'm easy to talk to, Pat.
Look, when I was your age,
many years ago,
I went through the change.
Many years ago? How old are you?
Well, a lady never tells,
but I had the hot flashes.
I had the bags under the eyes.
I had the dry coochie
until I discovered a miracle.
Weed? [SCOFFS]
- I can't. No.
- No, no.
This is herbal tea. It's au naturel.
It comes from the herbs in my garden.
Hand to God, if you drink this,
you are gonna feel 25 again.
You are gonna be moist
in all the right places.
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
♪
No, I can't.
No offense, but it's your face.
And you just said "moist" to a stranger.
But we're not strangers, Pat.
We're neighbors.
You'll be back.
[TENSE MUSIC PLAYS]
[GAYNOR] Hey.
Look, I found your ancient iPod
recorder in the pool table.
It's called a Walkman,
and it's not mine.
And it doesn't work.
Try pressing the power button.
I played it before.
It was pretty fucking creepy.
These batteries expired in 1985.
That was 20 years ago.
It was almost 40 years ago.
No, it's not. It's
Okay, what do you think you heard?
I don't know, It was the kind of music
in the movies you and Dad
used to think were hilarious
and now suck and then
someone screamed, "Get out."
You know I used to hear things.
No, this was different. It was real.
I thought it was real too.
If you want to talk about it
No, I'm just
I'm fucking with you.
Didn't they have jokes
in the mental home?
[VR HEADSET CHIMES]
What the hell?
[HEADSET CHIMES]
[HEADSET CHIMES]
Are you kidding me?
[HEADSET CHIMES]
[EERIE MUSIC PLAYS]
♪
- [BLADE THUNKS]
- [TERRY] Come on, Terry.
- Put it together.
- [BLADE THUNKS]
What happened?
What are you missing?
- [BLADE THUNKS]
- It's gotta be here.
[PIPE RATTLING]
♪
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
Terry! Terry!
Patty!
[PAT] Terry!
Patty!
♪
Hang on.
[PAT] Terry!
I'm coming.
♪
[CHAIR WHIRRING]
♪
[PAT] Terry!
I'm about halfway.
♪
Ah, shit.
[WHIRRING]
♪
[GASPING]
♪
Patty!
♪
[TERRY] Patty?
Yeah?
I came as fast as I could. Are you okay?
Yeah, why?
You were screaming.
Oh, I had a nightmare,
but that was a while ago.
[SIGHS]
Yeah, I mean, I-I gotta get that
chair motor fixed or something
'cause it's getting a little
- Whoa.
- Oh, my God.
No, no, no, it's-it's good. It's fine.
It's-it's better than fine. Nice job.
No, it just feels really weird
for you to see me naked
for the first time.
It's not the first time.
We have two grown children.
Yeah, but you were used to it.
It's like if you grow up in Cleveland,
you think, "Oh, isn't that
a beautiful city?"
But if you see it for the first time,
you're like, "Ew, is that
a river on fire?"
Well, maybe Terry likes
downtown Cleveland.
Maybe we stop calling me Cleveland.
I'm sorry, Terry.
It's just it's not happening.
[TERRY] Well [SIGHS]
I don't understand.
Did we not love each other?
Oh, we did. We do.
We will.
I just got out of the hospital
and I don't feel sexy.
I'm not there yet.
Maybe I should kiss you.
Yeah, okay.
Get that [CLEARS THROAT]
- See what I mean?
- Well, give it a second.
Ah, there's nothing.
Not with you.
Not with these goddamn stairs.
[SIGHS] I'm gonna go paint.
Try and figure out why all
my pictures have axes in them.
- What? They do?
- Yes, Pat.
Apparently, I have an axe
stuck in my head.
[PAT] Terry, wait.
Let's do it.
- Really?
- [PAT] Yeah.
- Hit the lights.
- [TERRY] Okay.
[PAT] And get the night-light.
Oh, maybe we should wait
till the moon goes behind that cloud.
Ah, yeah. Ooh, it's gonna be a minute.
- Won't be able to see anything.
- Exactly.
And while you're up,
will you hand me my purse?
I think my mom put some lube in there.
I
Wait. Where are you going?
I'm going to paint.
I-I don't want to have deep space sex
with your mom's lube.
[PAT] I'm sorry.
I promise I'll get there.
[TERRY] Dammit.
[SOFT MUSIC PLAYS]
[GROANS]
Ugh, screw it.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Hello, dear. Here it is.
Now, it's very important
you only take one cup
- Just give me the tea. Thanks.
- Oh,
- [PAT] Yeah, I need it.
- You don't need oh.
- Oh. Oh.
- [PAT] Thanks. All right. Bye.
[BRIGHT MUSIC PLAYS]
♪
Hello, Cleveland.
♪
Oh, this is pointless.
♪
[TENSE MUSIC PLAYS]
♪
[TERRY] "She co-hopped her family
up with an axe."
Holy fuck.
[DAISY] Jake.
What do you want from me?
♪
Hello, Jake.
[GULPS]
Come and play with me.
I don't like this game.
It's not the same game.
[GOAT SCREAMS]
[DISTORTED GRUNTING]
♪
[EERIE MUSIC PLAYS]
♪
What the fuck?
♪
Crazy bitch.
♪
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
Oh, my God.
[AXE THUNKS]
Hey, Lacy.
- Hi. It's me, Pat.
- Hi.
Hey. I was just on your show.
Are you serious?
There's nothing to be afraid of.
Okay.
Hey, I think I know who Rosemary is!
What?
- [SCREAMS]
- [WOMAN SCREAMS]
- [PAT] Shit.
- [CROWD SCREAMING]
What are you gonna do?
♪