Single Drunk Female (2022) s02e02 Episode Script

1
- Good?
- Very, yeah.
So, where's Bob tonight?
Um with his kids.
- Mm-hmm.
- Cool.
(QUIETLY): Do it now.
So
I
officially apologize.
I-I had a feeling that might be coming,
'cause, you know, the creepy
candles and the chicken.
Uh, yes, it's why I invited you.
I should not have read your fourth step.
Those are your private thoughts,
and that was wrong of me.
Well thank you.
Apology accepted.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
That's We can
I'll just do the dishes now.
- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah.
Oh.
Whoa.
♪
Yeah, that's good. Okay.
- Mom, I got to go.
- (MINDY SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
I'm downtown.
- I'll call you later. Yeah.
- MINDY: Thank you all for being here.
Love you. Bye.
It's actually a special day for me.
Today is my nine-year sober-versary.
- (APPLAUSE)
- (CHANTING): Mindy, Mindy.
Stop, stop. You're too much.
- (LAUGHTER)
- No, don't stop. Never stop.
It's fun.
I get a ton of likes on social media
because normies love this shit.
- (LAUGHTER)
- But
honestly, this day is
pretty triggering for me,
and I'm a woman who could sit
through the Saw franchise
- without blinking.
- (LAUGHTER)
It forces me to think about who I was
before I was able to be honest with myself
and everyone around me.
It took so long to gather
the courage to come out,
especially to my parents.
And alcohol was like this magic potion
that would make the self-hatred
and fear go away,
but I knew that
my addiction was gonna kill me.
And when I finally came out to my parents,
their reaction wasn't perfect,
but it was like a weight
had been lifted off of me.
Being honest was
what allowed me to get sober
and like myself.
And who would've thought
that's something women can do?
(LAUGHTER)
- (APPLAUSE)
- Thanks, everyone.
- Oh, and follow me on Instagram.
- (LAUGHTER)
Damn.
- That was amazing.
- (CHUCKLES)
You know, I don't talk to my
family about any of this stuff.
We only talk about church gossip,
401(K)s and my uncle Kevin.
I really appreciate what you said up there.
Of course.
♪
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(SIGHS)
- Hello.
- SAMANTHA: Darby, hey.
Hey, I, uh, I know
you don't really do advice,
so I'm just gonna say some stuff
and you can listen, okay?
- (SIGHS) Okay.
- Okay, great.
So, here's the thing, I'm thinking
I will not tell Alex what happened,
'cause I am pretty sure I'm
gonna get the "it's over" text
- any minute.
- Oh, I get it.
And you think that, like,
if he does break up with you,
then telling him that you cheated on him
is just kicking him in the nuts.
Yeah, no, exactly,
and I don't want to do that to him,
'cause I actually really like his nuts.
Here's the thing, if I don't get
the "it's over" text
and we stay together, then
Can I just say something?
You literally would never pass
the Bechdel test.
Honey, I'm gonna need you to get a hobby.
- Call me later.
- Great.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER CONTINUES)
♪
- Hey, Sam.
- Hi, there.
Hey, uh, can we go talk?
- Right now? Sure.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Um
So, I just really want to
apologize about my behavior
at the festival, I was being a dick.
I'm sorry.
- Oh.
- What?
Sorry, a lot of people have been
apologizing to me lately.
I'm not used to it.
Okay, well, do you forgive me?
- Oh, yeah. Sure.
- Oh, okay.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
Also, I should be
the one apologizing to you.
- For what?
- For
- I just do a lot of stuff wrong.
- Sam, can you just say you accept?
- I totally accept your apology.
- Okay.
There we go. Look at us. We just did it.
We got through our first fight.
Yeah.
- I mean, mazel tov to us, I guess.
- Yeah.
- Right. - (PHONE BUZZES)
- Um
Actu
It's HR.
I actually have to go
and "formally disclose our relationship."
- Cool.
- Um, anyways,
I, uh, was thinking that maybe tonight, uh,
you can come over.
- Mm.
- And, uh,
I can apologize to you a little bit more.
And maybe, uh, you can wear
your Friday underwear.
Hmm. But it's Tuesday.
Doesn't matter.
- I'll see you tonight.
- We don't need to describe ♪
You always tell me
that's the way that it goes ♪
- (SIGHS)
- No other way it could be ♪
So, are you and Sammy gonna be okay?
'Cause I really don't want to pick a side.
I was trying to be Switzerland on this one.
Well, you know, people have
actually condemned Switzerland
for being neutral in the face of atrocity.
Hmm. Everyone's getting canceled these days.
Anyway, with Sam nothing happened,
and Joel's technically single,
but she's on my couch and it's a lot.
- I just need a night away from her.
- You know what?
You just need to get blasted
and talk some shit.
That's how Tina and I work it out,
even though you steal
my purple comb every day.
Ay, stop talking caca.
I bought that at Sally's two years ago.
- You did not.
- I did.
See? Would've murdered her.
Okay, so, what are you doing tonight?
Because Pete and Trent took
Zacky to a baseball game.
- Wait, what?
- I know.
It's like my dream
and my nightmare all at once.
But, point is, I got free babysitting,
so we got to use it.
Amazing. Where do you want to go?
The one place Sam can't.
A bar.
Well, you're looking at
a more private setting.
- Yeah.
- But, uh, maybe next time,
we can take advantage of the sauna
and get ourselves a schvitz.
(BOTH LAUGH)
See you later, Bob in at or.
All right, buddy. Take care.
(QUIET CHATTER)
♪
That was quick.
(BOB GASPS)
So, I-I really appreciate you,
um, meeting up with me.
- Like
- Yes. Wait. Oh, my gosh. Sit.
(GASPS) What happened with the boyfriend?
Tell me everything. Did he dump you?
(CHUCKLES) Why are you smiling so much?
Oh, I just really like breakup stories.
So much more interesting than proposal ones.
(SCOFFS) No, he didn't he didn't dump me.
He actually kind of doubled down on us.
Congrats.
So now I guess I have
to tell him everything.
Jesus. What is it with you
and telling people things?
I mean, I know we say "you're
only as sick as your secrets"
in the program, but, honey,
maybe you should be a little sick, you know?
So lie? How would I even do that?
You know, when I don't want
to say something,
I just keep shoving food in my mouth.
Huh. I could make that work.
But I'm not telling you what to do.
- You need to get a higher power.
- Oh, my God.
- I know, I just
- Get a higher power.
Trying to control these things
is putting your emotional sobriety
in jeopardy, which, by the way,
I'm not entirely convinced that you have.
If you don't make sobriety
your number one priority,
you will drink again.
But, honey, if you do,
everything's gonna fall into place.
Trust me on this one.
- Okay. I got it.
- Okay.
I'm not gonna tell him.
Oh, my God. Shut up
and help me move my stuff.
Wait, a-all of this stuff is yours?
Yeah. I thought you could help
me load it into my car.
Why do you think you're here?
So, I have to keep the cast on another week.
But they accidentally gave me
extra fries at McDonald's.
(LAUGHTER) - The Lord
works in mysterious ways.
PASTOR: Thank you, Hector.
May the Lord protect you
from high blood pressure.
Does anyone else feel called to testify?
Come on. I know the Lord has been good.
Anybody else feel called to testify?
I know the Lord has been good to you.
Come James, come on down.
Y'all give him love to come.
Amen.
(EXHALES)
Hey, everyone.
- (OVERLAPPING SALUTATIONS) - Hey, James.
- (JAMES CHUCKLES)
Uh, feel like my mom prays for two things:
LeBron to win another ring
and for me to come back to church.
- (LAUGHTER)
- And I'm here, so
I guess prayer works.
(OVERLAPPING "AMENS")
JAMES: Reconnecting with
you all these past few weeks,
it's 'cause of the love in this room
I'm able to come clean with you all.
So, I've stopped drinking.
(OVERLAPPING "AMENS")
And it's because of this community
I'm able to stop.
But I struggle with it some days.
Most days, because, um
Um
I'm an alcoholic.
We love you, James.
MAN: You've got this, son.
- (OVERLAPPING "AMENS")
- (APPLAUSE)
PASTOR: Amen.
Y'all give him some love.
Give him some love.
It takes a village sometimes.
Let's speak on the love of the Lord. Amen.
Thank you, Brother James.
(LIVELY CHATTER)
Ah, this-this seat looks good.
(PATTING STOOL)
That, uh, that beer looks good, too.
Uh, barkeep, I will have
one of those, please.
To better days.
Eh, I like that, man.
- To better days.
- Yes.
Women, am I right?
(REAUBEAU'S "YOU (FEAT. YENNA)" playing)
This denim feels good on my body ♪
Mm, got, mm, boo, got your jacket on ♪
I took it from your closet ♪
I'm hooked on, I'm hooked on ♪
This denim feels good on my body ♪
Mm, got, mm, boo, got your jacket on ♪
I took it from your closet ♪
- Um
- Yeah, what's up?
- What?
- You said something.
I said, "Mm, mmm."
- Okay.
- Yeah.
You, you ♪
Got your jacket on ♪
- From your closet. ♪
- Alex.
- Yeah?
- Sorry.
Do you have anything to eat?
I'm, like, super hungry all of a sudden.
Do you need a water or something?
I'm afraid you're gonna choke.
- Nah, I'm good.
- All right.
You're alternating food now. (LAUGHS)
I can't do this.
Someone gave me some very bad advice.
About what? Competitive eating?
I
Look, I have to tell you something, but
I just, I wasn't sure if I should,
'cause I only became a person very recently.
Sam, what are you talking about?
I kissed someone else.
♪
(LIVELY CHATTER)
- BRIT: Sam never puts her shit away.
- Mm-hmm.
If I stub my toe one
more time on her crap,
- I'm I am gonna (LAUGHS)
- (CHUCKLES)
And she keeps sneaking
her underwear into my laundry.
(LAUGHS) - Oh, please, you
don't have it nearly as bad as I do.
Zack keeps leaving pennies
in the pocket of his jeans.
- (LAUGHS)
- Okay?
He broke my laundry machine, twice.
(CHUCKLES): Yeah, but Zacky's
a ten-year-old child.
Sam is a full-grown adult.
Is she, though?
(LAUGHTER)
I guess I'm just a sucker, you know?
I mean, I'm actually dating
this woman right now.
Oh, are you? How's-how's that going?
(SIGHS) Good.
Yeah.
She's kind of mean to me.
I sort of dig it.
Uh-huh.
Oh, but her body
I mean
it's crazy. I don't
(GRUNTING, SCREAMING)
Oh, is that a fight?
(LAUGHS)
Carol is a wonderful and complex woman.
I know! I find her interesting!
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Oh, my God, is that Bob?
Mess him up, Bob!
Make him say your name!
- Let go of my leg!
- FELICIA: (WHOOPS) Bob!
- (MURMURING)
- Get off of me!
- Oh. Oh.
- JIM: You get off me.
- Get off of me.
- (MUTTERING)
Get off of me.
(GASPING, GROANING)
(GROANING IN PAIN)
Are you okay? Ooh! He really hurt himself.
Is there a doctor? Somebody?
- How about some ice? - Psst.
- What?
Oh, my God. I hate the Hippocratic oath.
So, can you just make this make sense to me?
Like, this all happened
after your friend's funeral?
Well, he wasn't really my friend.
We actually kind of barely knew
each other, but yeah.
- Why didn't you just tell me?
- I don't know, okay?
It was very weird. I was freaking out.
And then, before I knew it,
I was on my way to Joel's,
- and I
- Joel?
Who's Joel?
So there was two guys?
So, one wanted to hook up with you,
- so you went and hooked up with another?
- No.
Listen, we were in a bad place, okay?
And-and I wasn't even sure if
we were gonna get back together.
No, no, no, no. We weren't in a bad spot.
We were in a relationship,
and we got into a fight.
That's what happens in relationships.
But then you went ahead and cheated on me.
I didn't cheat. Alex, I didn't cheat, okay?
It was a really quick, like a
- What is
- Like a lizard kiss.
- Stop doing
- It was like
- Don't do it again, it's gross.
- Sorry. Listen.
I have learned in the program
that I can act like a drunk
even when I'm not drinking, you know?
A-And I think that's what this was.
So
Uh
I don't think I can do this.
Why? Because I tried to kiss someone?
- Some-Someones?
- No.
I probably could've got over that,
but I can't get over where you are.
I don't think you're ready
to be in a relationship.
You don't?
See, like, you shouldn't be
asking me that question.
I shouldn't?
(CHUCKLES) Or that one.
I'm sorry, but I-I think
you should get out of here.
You do?
Please stop asking me questions.
Right. Sorry.
If I may, the problem is
that y-you put your thumb
inside of your fist
instead of on the outside.
It's all about form. I'm a trainer.
I got a video, if you want
to see what you did wrong.
Hold up your friend's hand.
Okay, all right. Well, I
I didn't want you girls
to find out this way,
but this is the man that Carol left me for.
- (GASPS)
- What?
No.
(CHUCKLES) Why would you think that?
Oh, come on, I-I saw
the two of you together.
I mean, Carol can flirt
with the best of them,
but no way. No.
Really?
(SLURRING): H-Hey,
don't be mad at your friend.
I mean, you can you can
But next time, instead of
hitting your friend,
get drunk and talk shit.
- (CHUCKLES)
- Okay, baby.
You wrapped him up real nice.
It's time to go.
You know, I love Sam.
- Oh.
- You know, I just, I don't
I don't want to live with her.
Yeah, she needs to get her own place.
You know, she needs to get her own place.
- Uh-huh. Okay.
- Yeah.
- FELICIA: Time to go.
- BRIT: Hey, don't tell Sam we were drunk.
(PHONE RINGING)
Yeah, this is Sam.
What, like, right now?
RON: Samantha Fink?
- Finke?
- Fink.
Nice to meet you, I'm Ron.
It's easy to remember, because there's an R.
You know, HR, "H Ron."
Plus, I'm a human,
so it works on multiple levels.
Right.
- Thanks, Ron.
- I just want to let you know,
here at Hit Pause,
we want to make sure that no one
is being taken advantage of
by any superiors.
So, I just need to confirm
that you are indeed
in a consensual romantic relationship
with your boss, Alex.
It's not consensual?
No, no, it's consensual. Sorry.
Oh, thank God.
Oh, should've heard my heart beating.
- (CHUCKLES)
- I thought I was gonna have to
fill out the other form.
It is long, there are videos.
- It is an afternoon.
- No, no. I
We're just not in a relationship anymore.
What?
But, to clarify, you know
we just received this report
yesterday.
Yeah, we were in a relationship yesterday.
We're just not today.
Oh.
Well, hold on, I'm-a need
- a very specific form for this.
- (DRAWER OPENS, CLOSES)
Okay, so, may I ask who did the dumping?
Uh he dumped me.
"He dumped her."
- And was this here at work?
- No, it was at his apartment.
And is his apartment subsidized
by Hit Pause in any way?
Not that I know of.
Can I get my apartment
subsidized by Hit Pause?
Oh, not that I know of.
Right.
Oh. You look like you need a hug.
(SCOFFS) That actually sounds nice.
Well, that is too bad,
because I cannot give you one.
But I can look at you in a way
I think a hug would feel.
Okay.
Mm
(LAUGHS)
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
That was kind of nice, actually.
Thanks, Ron.
- I'm glad you enjoyed it.
- I did.
Watch my leaves.
That was the last good ficus they had.
Okay. Is that it?
You need any more free labor?
No, that's it.
I'm proud of you, baby.
♪
Uh
- (CAR DOOR OPENS)
- (SIGHS)
(CAR DOOR CLOSES)
- Get in the car!
- Ah.
SAMANTHA: I don't want
to talk about my breakup.
- Let's talk about your breakup.
- N (CHUCKLES)
I think I might
actually miss Bob a little.
I miss him, too.
I just Bob was just a little
too passive for me.
- Yeah? Yeah.
- Yeah. No, I can see that.
- You know, "take a stand, Bob." Something.
- Right.
And plus, you know,
after Dad, it's like (SCOFFS)
how can you top that, ever, you know?
Well, your dad wasn't perfect.
I know. I know.
But he was good.
I'm sober and I'm still not good.
Are you sure he's my biological father?
- Yes.
- (LAUGHS)
- David made mistakes.
- Oh.
Yeah. He didn't floss.
- Uh-huh.
- He sat on the laundry
instead of folding it.
And, um, he, um, and
he left us for a while.
(CHUCKLES) No, he didn't.
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
When you were about ten months old,
he chose to go to New York,
and he left us behind.
And he spent about a year there,
playing music, and
(SCOFFS)
Why didn't he just take us with him?
I think he was spoked by having a family.
We were young.
He wanted to chase his dreams, you know.
This feels like kind of a big deal.
Why didn't you ever tell me this?
Because you didn't need to know.
Uh
Samantha, he came back.
And we were okay. Maybe
maybe better, even.
How did you know it would get better?
I didn't.
We don't.
- Scary.
- Yeah.
Is what you're going through now
the end of the world?
I don't think so.
(CHUCKLES)
Life is long.
So long.
Endless.
- All right. (GRUNTS)
- Wow.
- Is that a return? Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, obviously.
Look at this thing. It's so ugly.
Why would you let me buy it?
Well, unfortunately,
that was marked "final sale."
Unfortunately, um, you should know that
I'm currently the sponsor of
12 recovering alcoholics,
and if you don't process my return,
I guess we're just gonna have to
start holding our meetings here.
We'll just sit on all these beautiful sofas.
Spilling coffee everywhere. Tears.
- You know what doesn't sell lamps?
- What?
People sobbing about
their alcoholic parents.
Oh, and next week, we're going
through our sex inventories.
- It gets real dark, real fast.
- (CASHIER GROANS)
Okay, I get it.
Here.
Nice doing business with you.