Sledge Hammer! s02e02 Episode Script

Trust me.
I know what I'm doing.
Hey, Inspector.
Did you enjoy your day off? Nothing like a relaxing day of fishing.
Fishing poles are for geeks.
Hey, put a cork in it, loser.
Inspector, what's going on? - An illegaI choke hold, Majoy.
- What's the charge against this guy? Oh, that.
- How you doing, Doreau? - Oh, hi, Sledge.
How was your day off? - We had a very good time.
- We? Who'd you go with? My best friend.
Those experts are right about fish.
They're full of lead.
Tapping into the computer dating service again? No.
These are crimes that occurred over the last ten years.
By cross-referencing with recent crimes, the computer can give us fresh leads.
That's poppycock! Cops catch crooks, not wimpy computers.
Poppycock? Poppycock? I never say that.
Hammer! Hammer! That man you just dragged in.
You can't arrest someone just because you were getting bad vibes.
Captain, I cannot believe I'm hearing you say this.
You should know that it's intuition, instinct, hunches that crack cases.
That man was in a shooting position.
Hammer, the man was watering his lawn.
Well, every system breaks down now and then.
If that had been a flame-thrower, you'd be thanking me.
Sledge, that's my point.
If you used standard procedures, situations like this wouldn't happen.
You call getting a gut feeling about somebody and blowing them away good police work? - I call that the process of elimination.
- Hammer! - Oh, your temples are really throbbing.
- I don't care what you do.
I do care.
Just get out to the university, please.
I'm already taking a class in philosophy.
Really? Who? Kierkegaard? Spinoza? - Jack Webb.
- Hammer! Security police has just found a co-ed's dead body.
Get going! I guess we're not in that much of a hurry.
She's not going anywhere.
Sledge, we should go.
- Please Go.
- I applaud your manners.
Just just go.
Just just please go! All right, let's see whose method works best.
Standard police procedure or your jungle tactics.
Don't knock the jungle.
Any place that gave the world malaria can't be all bad.
Let's not argue.
I don't think I could take another of your nihilistic tirades today.
You can handle a lot more than you give yourself credit for.
Stop gawping, come on.
It's just one of your friends brutally murdered.
Coming through, guys.
What you got on the stiff? Her name is I never know what the proper word is.
Is it, "She is," or "She was," because she's dead? - Gonna take notes? - Take notes if you want to.
I just store all that junk right here.
What was her name? Janet Parker.
She was strangled, been dead about two hours.
She was found by that guy over there.
- Is he dead, too? - He's just old.
His name's Amos McCoy.
He's the history professor.
She was his teaching assistant.
It's a shame.
She looked like my type.
- Well, so long.
- Thanks, Norman.
Sure.
Spellman, Shapiro, get out of here.
I'll take care of this by myself.
Uh Professor McCoy? I'm Inspector Hammer, this is Detective Doreau.
We understand you are a history professor here at the university.
I also understand you found Janet Parker's body.
And I also understand that she was your teaching assistant.
I know all this stuff already.
This guy's no help.
I'm gonna go question one of the Bangles over here.
Professor, would you mind telling me how you happened to be here? Janet missed two of my classes.
She'd never do that without a good excuse.
I guess death is one of the best.
What can you girls tell me about Janet Parker? No, one at a time.
Thank you.
Yes, yes, we were very close.
I guess it was because she had no family.
Poor girI.
She was paying her own way through schooI.
And now Now, if you don't mind, I must go home and deaI with this.
Oh, yes, of course.
I'm sorry, this must be a very tragic day for you.
It is.
Now I'm going to be up all night, grading papers.
Goodbye, Detective.
Did you girls used to hang out together? No.
Janet was a reaI loner.
She usually kept to herself.
- I only saw her come and go.
- Oh.
A loner, huh? Did you notice anything strange lately? As a matter of fact, I did.
Her new haircut was too full for the shape of her face.
OK, let's just go over what we have so far.
- She was a loner.
- Yeah, she didn't talk to anybody.
- Except her boyfriend.
- What was his name? - He's a quarterback.
- His name? - What a doll! - What was his name? - Teddy Overman.
- Now we're getting somewhere.
Hey, Doreau, I think I got Doreau? Hey, this is no time to be doodling.
- Did you find anything? - Only the name of the murderer.
- You mean possible suspect.
- OK, whatever.
I got a criminaI.
What have you got? I got this number on this pad, and I picked up this stone.
Great, great.
Put the handcuffs on the notepad.
I also think whoever killed Janet wanted something.
Look at this place.
It was robbed.
Wrong.
All girls' rooms look like this.
No, she had a boyfriend.
He was a football player.
Those goons are born killers.
You take a 280Ib man and stick him in a 10Ib helmet, you got homicidaI intent.
I'm going to pick him up right now, before he kills again.
Sledge? Sledge! Did it occur to you you might be jumping the gun? Yeah, but this guy's about to be drafted from state u to state pen.
- Teddy Overman? Police.
- Hut! Hut! All right, Overman, you're under arrest for murder.
What? Who'd I kill? Janet Parker.
- God! Janet's dead? - If you killed her, of course she's dead.
- You're not on an academic scholarship! - Sledge, I think this is premature.
- I didn't kill Janet.
I loved her.
- Oh, yeah? Why were you running? I'm in a football game.
Huh! I used to practise all day.
Besides, I haven't seen Janet in months.
She was too busy working on her research project.
And your big, dumb jock ego couldn't take it, so you killed her.
You hurt the one you love, not murder 'em.
No way.
Our relationship wasn't based on passion.
It was mostly fiscaI.
That's "physicaI", you missing link! No, fiscaI.
She was loaded and she spent money on me.
- Enough chitchat.
You're under arrest.
- Sledge, wait.
He's got a solid alibi.
What have you got? A hunch.
All right, pig skin.
But just remember, you're still suspecto numero uno.
Every breath you take, every move you make, I'll be watching you.
That's Police talk.
Now get out.
Hey, Teddy! - Ooh! - Nice moves.
Teddy was right.
Look at her bank account.
She deposited $20,000 the day before she died.
Where does a teaching assistant get that? WheeI Of Fortune? Maybe she has rich parents.
The Professor said she didn't have any family.
Hey, don't try to dazzle me with the facts, Doreau.
It was the boyfriend, and that's a cop talking.
You lose.
Hey, Detective, I almost forgot.
The lab report on this stone, it's It's worth $50,000.
Oh, there it is.
There.
I know about gut feelings, Hammer.
I get a twinge every time you come through that door.
Whose fault is that, sir? You let me in.
Nobody's holding a gun to your head.
Hammer, just tell me the status of the co-ed murder case.
Well, the victim, of course, is still dead.
But I think I got it wrapped up.
The boyfriend killed her.
It was a crime of passion.
Kids nowadays, they don't understand the give and take of a romantic relationship.
If that's so, Hammer, and the case is closed, why is Doreau in the outer office, questioning a jeweller? What? Doreau, letting that killer jock waltz out of here was dumb.
But bringing in this sleaze who bought Janet's jewels is the height of dumbness.
Talk, pork products, or I'll kick the rhinestones off your pants.
This man is not a fence.
This is the jeweller, Jerry Begg.
His number was on the pad on Janet's desk.
The young lady sold antique jewellery to me in a perfectly legaI manner.
Now release me at once! - Ooh! - Antique jewellery, huh, sparkles? Now he's going to tell us it's all cut glass, not worth stealing.
Oh.
No, no.
On the contrary.
This stone alone is worth $50,000.
A necklace made entirely like that would go for about $200,000.
What do you think of that, Inspector Hammerhead? The name is Hammer, Tinkerbell.
Mr Begg, did you ever wonder where Janet got such expensive jewellery? Of course I wondered.
I mean, wouldn't you? But you know, I wanted to ask her, but the client-jeweller relationship is sacred.
Rule one of my policy is never, never to ask questions.
What's rule two? No shirt, no shoes, no service.
Mr Begg, thank you.
You've been very helpfuI.
Thank you, Miss Doreau.
It's been a pleasure.
By the way, if you should ever lighten up, I have some earrings that would accentuate those glorious lobes.
Bye.
Bye.
Freak.
Well? Huh? What do you think of Janet having all that jewellery now? Might have something to do with the case.
To a certain extent.
Maybe.
A little.
- In other words, good job, Doreau? - Don't go crazy, Doreau.
Teddy killed Janet out of greed as well as passion.
The case is still closed.
Yeah, but we still don't know where she got the jewels.
Maybe the Professor can help us.
Know what you're gonna get out of him? Nothing, nix, nada.
Zero, zilch, nienta .
.
air, a black hole.
If this is such a wild-goose chase, why'd you come? There's a gun shop round the corner.
They're having a clearance on land mines.
May I help you? Detective Doreau.
Inspector Hammer.
I called earlier.
Yes, of course.
The Professor is expecting you.
Won't you come in? Thank you.
- Professor McCoy is in his - Don't tell me.
- He's in his study.
- No, he felt "the study" was too mundane.
He calls it a rumpus room.
He's right in here.
Detectives.
Welcome to my study.
You mean rumpus room.
Ah-ha.
Ah, that Frieda.
Always kidding the guests.
She loves it.
Oh, please, please.
Please, have a seat.
Well, I hope you've come to tell me you've found Janet's killer.
She was so young and bright.
Who could have done such a thing? The killer.
- How'd he get to be a professor? - We need more information.
- We? - Fire away.
We discovered that Janet was selling some very expensive jewellery.
So? Don't you find it peculiar that a girI working her way through college would own such a cache? No, not really.
College kids today, they have designer clothes, mutuaI funds, Beemers.
Who knows where they get the money? No, no, no, no, no.
Janet never mentioned anything about jewels.
Maybe they were the family heirlooms.
We're getting nowhere with this.
Let's go.
If I leave now, I can still see something bad on the fourth network.
I understand Janet was working very hard on a research project.
Do you have any idea what? Yes.
She was fascinated with the Third Reich.
Especially Hitler's top men.
Himmler, Goering, Von Feltheimer.
Excuse me, Professor.
Inspector Hammer has a phone call.
I love getting called out of class.
Von Feltheimer? Was he a lower echelon officer of the Luftwaffe? Major Johan Von Feltheimer shot down more pilots than the famous American ace, Stoddard.
He was one of Hitler's favourites.
So what do you think happened to him? Experts believe he is dead.
Hammer here.
Speak to me.
'Inspector Hammer? It's Teddy Overman.
'Officer Majoy told me I could reach you there.
' Look, I just found something in my locker that I forgot I had.
Janet gave it to me a while ago for safe keeping.
I think it's reaI important.
'Can you meet me in the locker room right away?' Yeah, sure, I'll be right there.
Hey, Frieda, you look like you'd know.
Where's the men's locker room? Yes, Janet had great potentiaI.
She was a brilliant researcher.
And she looked dynamite in tight jeans! It's Teddy Overman.
He says he's got important evidence.
He's just trying to dig himself out.
I'm going over.
I'm coming with you.
Professor, thank you for your time.
You're welcome.
I hope you'll bring this terrible person to justice.
Thanks, Bones.
I mean, McCoy.
Teddy? Teddy! Teddy! Hey! Dang it! If that loony maid hadn't given the wrong directions, we'd have been here sooner.
Now he's probably out there, strangling another co-ed.
Dang it! - I can guarantee he's not out there.
- How's that? He's in here.
There's a note.
"I'm sorry I murdered Janet.
As you see, I killed myself.
Guiltily yours, Teddy.
" I guess remorse finally got the best of him.
This case is closed, Doreau.
I win.
You were too tentative.
You see a guy you know is guilty, and you throw him in the slammer.
- Now, that's good police work.
- Hammer, think about it! Who gave us the wrong directions? Who knew we were coming here? It's obvious.
I never knew you were a poor loser, Doreau.
I'm going back to the precinct to file my report.
- Frieda, I must see the Professor.
- The Professor cannot be disturbed.
The Professor is disturbed.
Freeze, Professor! Or should I say Major Von Feltheimer? I guess you were pretty chummy with Hitler, huh? - This is very incriminating evidence.
- Ja.
And now I know how Gary Hart felt.
Speaking with an accent now? No, this is no accent.
Before, that was an accent.
Janet was a brilliant researcher.
She found out the reaI McCoy was a Nazi.
But instead of turning you over, she blackmailed you for the jewels you smuggled.
Greedy little brat! What did she have? A minor in economics? There's still one thing I don't understand, how a feeble old man could kill Janet and Teddy? No, no, I did not do it.
It was Frieda there that did it.
Oof! This one's for you, bud.
Hammer, the Professor's getting away.
What's that? The Major's neighbour owns a pit bull.
Let's let him chew for a while.
Dogs need exercise or they get testy.
Hammer, that's a man out there.
All right.
Sit! If you thought I was wrong, why'd you come back? Because there was a thin, very thin, possibility that you were a little right.
Enough acquiescing.
Fine, fine, by-the-book police work, Doreau.
You should be very proud of yourself.
Janet Parker bled Von Feltheimer dry.
And with his Nazi spoils gone, he had to kill to protect his secret.
These Nazis are such extremists.
Why didn't he just flunk her? Actually, sir, Hammer does deserve some of this credit.
It was a combination of gut instinct and standard procedures that cracked the case.
Well, I have to admit it, some of Sledge's methods are valid.
I have to admit, I was on the scent from the beginning.
That's cos I'm a cop.
A speciaI breed of cat.
The eye of an eagle, the heart of a lion, the guts of a mongoose.
Let's face it, a cop is a one-man zoo.
With a gun!