Stan Against Evil (2016) s02e02 Episode Script
Black Hat Society Part 2
1 - Do you have a Barret here? - No, I told you up there.
No, I don't mean up there.
I mean down here.
- There's one unmarked.
- That's it.
[Grunts.]
[Bang.]
Dad, did you do that? - No.
- [Rumbling.]
Get out of there.
[Boom.]
[Screeches.]
[Laughs.]
I knew it! You ugly son of a bitch! [Screeches.]
[All screaming.]
[Screeches.]
Get down! [Screeches.]
This is a trap set by my father 400 years ago.
The wraith cannot be destroyed.
- [Screeches.]
- Come on! [Screeching.]
Wow.
That was easy! [Chuckles.]
I-I mean, I thought we were dead, and then shovel to the head, and then boom, boom, boom! Lara: But this is a wraith.
The ancients declared them invincible.
Yeah, well, the ancients didn't have the same shovel technology we have available to us today.
Stan: What now? The eyes.
[Chuckles nervously.]
The prophesy says take out its eyes.
Well, you women are always bitchin' about wanting to do a man's work.
Here's a perfect opportunity.
Step right up, sister.
No.
I'm good.
Ah, it figures.
[Shovel clanks.]
[Splat.]
Oh! What the hell is this dump? It smells like an armpit's asshole.
This is what's left of the Eccles family farmhouse.
It dates back to the time when he was constable.
And? If you take the eyes of the wraith through that door, you will emerge on the day the wraith was buried in 1692.
There, you will find Evelyn Barret.
And And And once again, how do you know all this stuff? I know the legend.
Well, it it it turns out, to be frank, all legends aren't necessarily true.
Did you ever hear the one about Mick Jagger getting it on with David Bowie? Yeah, right! David Bowie was married to a big, beautiful black chick, and Mick Jagger looks like a baby bird.
I'm not buyin' it.
Mr.
Miller! [Breathing heavily.]
What happens if it don't work? Well, I guess you end up standing over there.
Guess I'm just gonna have to risk it, eh? Are you sure you're ready? No, I'm not sure I'm ready.
I'm sure I'm out of my goddamn mind, but every day, I keep rememberin' more and more stuff about this woman that I've never met.
So I don't know what the hell else I'm supposed to do! Here, take this.
It'll help you stand out a little less.
Later, tater.
Here we go, fellas.
[Chuckles.]
Outstanding.
Oh, all right.
Going just as crazy as a shit-house rat.
Thaddeus: Evelyn Barret, as constable of Willard's Mill Township, I, Thaddeus Eccles, accuse you of the crime of witchcraft.
[Indistinct shouting.]
[Evelyn grunts.]
Evelyn Barret, unholy viper! I am not the viper! You are! - I know him.
- Woman: Watch your mouth, blondie! Oh, please! I know you.
Child of Satan, you shall be purified [Grunts.]
And nothing quite purifies like fire! [Chatter.]
[Sighs.]
[Speaking Latin.]
[Rumbling.]
- [Boom.]
- [All gasp.]
[All screaming.]
Behold the winged steed of God's own army! Look not upon it lest your eyes be struck out! [Screeching in distance.]
[Screeches.]
Aah! [Grunts.]
Oh! Hey.
Hey! Oh.
Stan? Oh, I do know you.
It's You're Evie.
How did you get here? [Wings fluttering.]
Don't move.
Duck! - Duck! - [Screeches.]
[Gunshots.]
[Screeches.]
Well, that was close.
It's not dead.
I kill him with a shovel in 400 years.
Still have one bullet left.
Yeah.
We may need that one for ourselves.
You know in case they catch us and we can't make it out of here.
Then we need two bullets.
Right, right.
T-Te-Technically, we could stand next to each other and maybe mush our heads together so that we're really Let's just go.
Now I'm the bad guy? Give me a break! Here we go.
Ladies first.
Oh, thanks.
She's mine! My daughter or the constable.
You can't have both.
[Laughs.]
Go ahead and kill me.
That is the plan.
She'll do it.
She's crazy like that.
There's still one in the chamber with your name on it.
FYI, this is exactly why I was saving that bullet.
Sure, it was.
- [Gun cocks.]
- [Screeches.]
- [Screams.]
- [Gunshot.]
- [Grunts.]
- [Screeches.]
[Grunts.]
I had him! You almost got your head ripped off.
But I had him! A fraction of a second more! Are you even kidding me? That thing was this close to you.
Never mind the fact that I just traveled back 400 years for you.
Stan! You know, you you are unbelievable.
You're unbelievable.
It's all coming back to me now.
This is This is you, isn't it? This is you in a nutshell.
And somehow I'm the asshole, me? And you're you're the high priestess, Queen Evie Barret.
[Voice breaking.]
Stan Oh.
Yeah.
[Breathing heavily.]
Okay, then.
[Chuckles.]
[Inhales deeply.]
- [Sighs.]
- [Telephone rings.]
Willard's Mill Sheriff's Department.
Oh, neighbor's blasting music.
H-Hang on.
You okay? Yeah.
You're just sitting there, smiling.
I'm just happy to be here.
Uh, no, ma'am, I can hear it.
Yeah, that's "Sweet Talkin' Woman" by ELO.
The Electric Light Orchestra.
It's Jeff Lynne and Roy Wood's attempt to combine pop songs with a classical structure.
No, no.
Emerson, Lake & Palmer were contemporaries.
No.
[Stammers.]
[High-pitched ringing.]
Hey, Evie Evie? Where'd you go? - [Ringing continues.]
- Uh, I'm right here.
What? [Chuckles.]
Evie? Evie?! Hey! You out here? Hey, ding dong, are you high? I'm right here.
- Evie?! - Geez! She must have gone out for ice cream.
- Hey.
- Ice cream.
[Exhales sharply.]
- [Door creaks.]
- There you are.
Wait, you can see me? - Yeah.
- You can see me now? Yeah.
But you couldn't a minute ago.
- While you were in the bathroom? - [Telephone rings.]
- No.
- No.
[Sighs.]
No, ma'am.
I hear it.
That's "Turn to Stone.
" He seems to be playing the entire "Out of the Blue" album.
This was a transitional period for ELO as punk began to work its way into the U.
K.
charts.
Oh.
[Sighs.]
Hello, Constable.
Okay.
[Whimpers.]
Throw what you want.
I'm not really here.
[Chuckles.]
I'm here.
Well, if I could crawl inside my own head, I'd beat your ass.
Evie or my daughter you can't have both.
I don't care about your daughter.
They can't both exist in the same time.
[Chuckles.]
Evie's making that discovery right now.
She'll be gone soon.
Not alive not dead.
Trapped between the two worlds.
[Chuckles.]
Literally, a fate worse than death.
[Chuckles.]
Or [Clicks tongue.]
you could, um give her back to me.
A moment of pain, then it's all over.
Boy, you don't know me at all, do you, Butch? Did you ever wonder how easy it was for you to travel back 400 years? [Chuckles.]
Did you ever think that it might be possible for you to travel back just one year? Hmm? One year to maybe save the life of someone you lost? Someone who means a great deal to you.
Claire? I could go back and save Claire? Evie or my daughter you can't have both.
[Chuckles.]
If 2 eyes equals 400 years, and one year is 1/400th of an eye, carry the 2 - Stanley, don't be sloppy.
- Hey.
I got a problem.
I keep disappearing.
I-I was at the sheriff's station with Leon, and suddenly, he just couldn't see me.
And he was scared to death.
- I believe you.
- Now, I know it's You do? Yes.
It's okay.
I have a plan.
Do you want to tell me the plan? I don't know.
Did I tell you the plan? - No.
- There ya go.
- What? - The plan.
- Yes.
- No.
- To what? - The plan.
- So tell me.
- Well, that's settled.
What just happened? [Brakes squeal.]
Hello, Sheriff.
Where's that pipsqueak chick? Constance? [Chuckles.]
She left.
Ah! - You got liar eye.
- Uh, what? You look upward when you lie.
"Oh, she left.
" You can't hide your lyin' eyes.
The Eagles, 1975.
I'm serious, Sheriff.
She left last night.
I don't know where she is.
Okay.
I ain't going anywhere.
I'll be around.
Spinners 1972.
'Cause one way or another, I'm gonna find you.
Blondie, 1979.
[Sighs.]
He'll be back.
And by then, I'll be ready for him.
Constance? [Gasps.]
- I can't - I know you can't.
Stan Miller won't be a problem after tonight.
[Gasps.]
- [Rock music playing.]
- [Laughter.]
- We gonna do things our way - Whoo! We have assumed control Brute Force - Hey.
- We're droppin' out of Charm School - What's this? - No more please and thank you Now we're gonna spank you down [Brakes squeal.]
Thanks.
My car broke down.
Can I hit you guys up for a lift? Sure thing.
[Chuckles.]
Droppin' out of Charm School Now we're gonna harm you No more please and thank you - Now we're gonna spank you down - Yeah.
How you doing? Hey.
[Music continues.]
So, um where you headed? Well, I was on my way to a party, but it's probably over now.
What are you guys doing? [Music continues.]
Well we could have a party right here.
[Chuckles.]
I like your thinking.
Ooh, you do want to party.
[Speaking Latin.]
What are you doing?! Oh! [Men screaming.]
[Crickets chirping.]
[Sighs.]
There he is.
What took so long? - Where the hell's Evie? - What, she's She was right here.
Evie? Where did she go? Perfect.
Oh, she's probably out getting her hair done.
- What? - Come on, Dad.
[Chuckles.]
She never gets her hair done.
Thanks.
Jesus.
Right.
[Knuckles crack.]
Hey, where are you going with that gun? Stan: I, uh I gotta go kill a little girl.
[High-pitched ringing.]
Wait a second! You're gonna what?! There's this little girl.
Stan: She's She's not from this time.
She's from where Evie was.
I gotta send one of them back, or Evie's gonna be a ghost for the rest of her life.
So what are you gonna do? I gotta either send that little girl back where she came from or I gotta send her back where she came from.
[Groaning.]
Evie: Stan! Stan, look out! Constance: You're not going anywhere.
[Groaning.]
Jesus, God! Ow! [Gunshots.]
Oh, come on.
[Tires screech.]
Car! Oh! [Body thuds.]
[Chuckles.]
Teenagers sure are full of goo! [Gun cocks.]
There's still one in the chamber.
In the car, sister.
[Chanting in Latin.]
No chanting.
Where you been? I was getting my hair done.
Take us out to the old Eccles farmhouse, will ya? - [Engine starts.]
- She heard me? What exactly did you do to those two guys back there? I know some tricks.
Father's daughter, huh? No.
I hate him! I hate who he is, and I hate who he's made me! I want to be as far away as him as possible, but you're sending me back to him.
Well, you can't stay here.
Tell her, Evie.
Evie? Oh, goddamnit! - Inside.
- You can't make me go.
- The hell I can't! - [Gun cocks.]
Damn it.
I can't.
You can't stay here.
My friend is gonna die.
Do you understand? My friend is gonna die.
Y-You know some tricks.
Figure out a way to go to another time.
I don't care when.
It just can't be now.
Here.
Here.
You take these.
Just do me one favor Stan: "Find Gerard DuQuette.
And may God help you.
" [Sighs.]
Oh.
Sheriff.
Good morning, Deputy.
Thank you.
[Laughs.]
Ah!
No, I don't mean up there.
I mean down here.
- There's one unmarked.
- That's it.
[Grunts.]
[Bang.]
Dad, did you do that? - No.
- [Rumbling.]
Get out of there.
[Boom.]
[Screeches.]
[Laughs.]
I knew it! You ugly son of a bitch! [Screeches.]
[All screaming.]
[Screeches.]
Get down! [Screeches.]
This is a trap set by my father 400 years ago.
The wraith cannot be destroyed.
- [Screeches.]
- Come on! [Screeching.]
Wow.
That was easy! [Chuckles.]
I-I mean, I thought we were dead, and then shovel to the head, and then boom, boom, boom! Lara: But this is a wraith.
The ancients declared them invincible.
Yeah, well, the ancients didn't have the same shovel technology we have available to us today.
Stan: What now? The eyes.
[Chuckles nervously.]
The prophesy says take out its eyes.
Well, you women are always bitchin' about wanting to do a man's work.
Here's a perfect opportunity.
Step right up, sister.
No.
I'm good.
Ah, it figures.
[Shovel clanks.]
[Splat.]
Oh! What the hell is this dump? It smells like an armpit's asshole.
This is what's left of the Eccles family farmhouse.
It dates back to the time when he was constable.
And? If you take the eyes of the wraith through that door, you will emerge on the day the wraith was buried in 1692.
There, you will find Evelyn Barret.
And And And once again, how do you know all this stuff? I know the legend.
Well, it it it turns out, to be frank, all legends aren't necessarily true.
Did you ever hear the one about Mick Jagger getting it on with David Bowie? Yeah, right! David Bowie was married to a big, beautiful black chick, and Mick Jagger looks like a baby bird.
I'm not buyin' it.
Mr.
Miller! [Breathing heavily.]
What happens if it don't work? Well, I guess you end up standing over there.
Guess I'm just gonna have to risk it, eh? Are you sure you're ready? No, I'm not sure I'm ready.
I'm sure I'm out of my goddamn mind, but every day, I keep rememberin' more and more stuff about this woman that I've never met.
So I don't know what the hell else I'm supposed to do! Here, take this.
It'll help you stand out a little less.
Later, tater.
Here we go, fellas.
[Chuckles.]
Outstanding.
Oh, all right.
Going just as crazy as a shit-house rat.
Thaddeus: Evelyn Barret, as constable of Willard's Mill Township, I, Thaddeus Eccles, accuse you of the crime of witchcraft.
[Indistinct shouting.]
[Evelyn grunts.]
Evelyn Barret, unholy viper! I am not the viper! You are! - I know him.
- Woman: Watch your mouth, blondie! Oh, please! I know you.
Child of Satan, you shall be purified [Grunts.]
And nothing quite purifies like fire! [Chatter.]
[Sighs.]
[Speaking Latin.]
[Rumbling.]
- [Boom.]
- [All gasp.]
[All screaming.]
Behold the winged steed of God's own army! Look not upon it lest your eyes be struck out! [Screeching in distance.]
[Screeches.]
Aah! [Grunts.]
Oh! Hey.
Hey! Oh.
Stan? Oh, I do know you.
It's You're Evie.
How did you get here? [Wings fluttering.]
Don't move.
Duck! - Duck! - [Screeches.]
[Gunshots.]
[Screeches.]
Well, that was close.
It's not dead.
I kill him with a shovel in 400 years.
Still have one bullet left.
Yeah.
We may need that one for ourselves.
You know in case they catch us and we can't make it out of here.
Then we need two bullets.
Right, right.
T-Te-Technically, we could stand next to each other and maybe mush our heads together so that we're really Let's just go.
Now I'm the bad guy? Give me a break! Here we go.
Ladies first.
Oh, thanks.
She's mine! My daughter or the constable.
You can't have both.
[Laughs.]
Go ahead and kill me.
That is the plan.
She'll do it.
She's crazy like that.
There's still one in the chamber with your name on it.
FYI, this is exactly why I was saving that bullet.
Sure, it was.
- [Gun cocks.]
- [Screeches.]
- [Screams.]
- [Gunshot.]
- [Grunts.]
- [Screeches.]
[Grunts.]
I had him! You almost got your head ripped off.
But I had him! A fraction of a second more! Are you even kidding me? That thing was this close to you.
Never mind the fact that I just traveled back 400 years for you.
Stan! You know, you you are unbelievable.
You're unbelievable.
It's all coming back to me now.
This is This is you, isn't it? This is you in a nutshell.
And somehow I'm the asshole, me? And you're you're the high priestess, Queen Evie Barret.
[Voice breaking.]
Stan Oh.
Yeah.
[Breathing heavily.]
Okay, then.
[Chuckles.]
[Inhales deeply.]
- [Sighs.]
- [Telephone rings.]
Willard's Mill Sheriff's Department.
Oh, neighbor's blasting music.
H-Hang on.
You okay? Yeah.
You're just sitting there, smiling.
I'm just happy to be here.
Uh, no, ma'am, I can hear it.
Yeah, that's "Sweet Talkin' Woman" by ELO.
The Electric Light Orchestra.
It's Jeff Lynne and Roy Wood's attempt to combine pop songs with a classical structure.
No, no.
Emerson, Lake & Palmer were contemporaries.
No.
[Stammers.]
[High-pitched ringing.]
Hey, Evie Evie? Where'd you go? - [Ringing continues.]
- Uh, I'm right here.
What? [Chuckles.]
Evie? Evie?! Hey! You out here? Hey, ding dong, are you high? I'm right here.
- Evie?! - Geez! She must have gone out for ice cream.
- Hey.
- Ice cream.
[Exhales sharply.]
- [Door creaks.]
- There you are.
Wait, you can see me? - Yeah.
- You can see me now? Yeah.
But you couldn't a minute ago.
- While you were in the bathroom? - [Telephone rings.]
- No.
- No.
[Sighs.]
No, ma'am.
I hear it.
That's "Turn to Stone.
" He seems to be playing the entire "Out of the Blue" album.
This was a transitional period for ELO as punk began to work its way into the U.
K.
charts.
Oh.
[Sighs.]
Hello, Constable.
Okay.
[Whimpers.]
Throw what you want.
I'm not really here.
[Chuckles.]
I'm here.
Well, if I could crawl inside my own head, I'd beat your ass.
Evie or my daughter you can't have both.
I don't care about your daughter.
They can't both exist in the same time.
[Chuckles.]
Evie's making that discovery right now.
She'll be gone soon.
Not alive not dead.
Trapped between the two worlds.
[Chuckles.]
Literally, a fate worse than death.
[Chuckles.]
Or [Clicks tongue.]
you could, um give her back to me.
A moment of pain, then it's all over.
Boy, you don't know me at all, do you, Butch? Did you ever wonder how easy it was for you to travel back 400 years? [Chuckles.]
Did you ever think that it might be possible for you to travel back just one year? Hmm? One year to maybe save the life of someone you lost? Someone who means a great deal to you.
Claire? I could go back and save Claire? Evie or my daughter you can't have both.
[Chuckles.]
If 2 eyes equals 400 years, and one year is 1/400th of an eye, carry the 2 - Stanley, don't be sloppy.
- Hey.
I got a problem.
I keep disappearing.
I-I was at the sheriff's station with Leon, and suddenly, he just couldn't see me.
And he was scared to death.
- I believe you.
- Now, I know it's You do? Yes.
It's okay.
I have a plan.
Do you want to tell me the plan? I don't know.
Did I tell you the plan? - No.
- There ya go.
- What? - The plan.
- Yes.
- No.
- To what? - The plan.
- So tell me.
- Well, that's settled.
What just happened? [Brakes squeal.]
Hello, Sheriff.
Where's that pipsqueak chick? Constance? [Chuckles.]
She left.
Ah! - You got liar eye.
- Uh, what? You look upward when you lie.
"Oh, she left.
" You can't hide your lyin' eyes.
The Eagles, 1975.
I'm serious, Sheriff.
She left last night.
I don't know where she is.
Okay.
I ain't going anywhere.
I'll be around.
Spinners 1972.
'Cause one way or another, I'm gonna find you.
Blondie, 1979.
[Sighs.]
He'll be back.
And by then, I'll be ready for him.
Constance? [Gasps.]
- I can't - I know you can't.
Stan Miller won't be a problem after tonight.
[Gasps.]
- [Rock music playing.]
- [Laughter.]
- We gonna do things our way - Whoo! We have assumed control Brute Force - Hey.
- We're droppin' out of Charm School - What's this? - No more please and thank you Now we're gonna spank you down [Brakes squeal.]
Thanks.
My car broke down.
Can I hit you guys up for a lift? Sure thing.
[Chuckles.]
Droppin' out of Charm School Now we're gonna harm you No more please and thank you - Now we're gonna spank you down - Yeah.
How you doing? Hey.
[Music continues.]
So, um where you headed? Well, I was on my way to a party, but it's probably over now.
What are you guys doing? [Music continues.]
Well we could have a party right here.
[Chuckles.]
I like your thinking.
Ooh, you do want to party.
[Speaking Latin.]
What are you doing?! Oh! [Men screaming.]
[Crickets chirping.]
[Sighs.]
There he is.
What took so long? - Where the hell's Evie? - What, she's She was right here.
Evie? Where did she go? Perfect.
Oh, she's probably out getting her hair done.
- What? - Come on, Dad.
[Chuckles.]
She never gets her hair done.
Thanks.
Jesus.
Right.
[Knuckles crack.]
Hey, where are you going with that gun? Stan: I, uh I gotta go kill a little girl.
[High-pitched ringing.]
Wait a second! You're gonna what?! There's this little girl.
Stan: She's She's not from this time.
She's from where Evie was.
I gotta send one of them back, or Evie's gonna be a ghost for the rest of her life.
So what are you gonna do? I gotta either send that little girl back where she came from or I gotta send her back where she came from.
[Groaning.]
Evie: Stan! Stan, look out! Constance: You're not going anywhere.
[Groaning.]
Jesus, God! Ow! [Gunshots.]
Oh, come on.
[Tires screech.]
Car! Oh! [Body thuds.]
[Chuckles.]
Teenagers sure are full of goo! [Gun cocks.]
There's still one in the chamber.
In the car, sister.
[Chanting in Latin.]
No chanting.
Where you been? I was getting my hair done.
Take us out to the old Eccles farmhouse, will ya? - [Engine starts.]
- She heard me? What exactly did you do to those two guys back there? I know some tricks.
Father's daughter, huh? No.
I hate him! I hate who he is, and I hate who he's made me! I want to be as far away as him as possible, but you're sending me back to him.
Well, you can't stay here.
Tell her, Evie.
Evie? Oh, goddamnit! - Inside.
- You can't make me go.
- The hell I can't! - [Gun cocks.]
Damn it.
I can't.
You can't stay here.
My friend is gonna die.
Do you understand? My friend is gonna die.
Y-You know some tricks.
Figure out a way to go to another time.
I don't care when.
It just can't be now.
Here.
Here.
You take these.
Just do me one favor Stan: "Find Gerard DuQuette.
And may God help you.
" [Sighs.]
Oh.
Sheriff.
Good morning, Deputy.
Thank you.
[Laughs.]
Ah!