Stephen Fry: Gadget Man (2012) s02e02 Episode Script
Rise and Shine
Hello, my name's Richard Ayoade or at least I think that's how it's pronounced.
When I was young, my father fixed televisions for a living and I would spend many a happy hour helping him in his workshop.
He was obsessed with gadgets and gizmos and I suppose he must have passed on some of this fascination to me.
I've always thought there's something moderately heroic about a gadget, an often small device dedicating itself to one specific purpose - making life that little bit easier.
'So, welcome to Gadget Ma,m 'where I get to celebrate some of the world's best gadgets' Wow.
Straight in there.
Back it off.
Back it off.
'.
.
and introduce you to the most amazing 'and bizarre technology from around the world.
' You look like will.
i.
am.
'I'll also be trying to invent whole new gadgets 'to solve some of life's everyday problems.
' So, before ado is in any way furthered, let's tool up and get down to business.
BUZZING The heartbreaking realisation that you are no longer asleep.
I'm a writer so this puppy's normally set to about 3pm.
But for grown-ups with actual jobs and responsibilities, there are deadlines, trains to catch and places to be.
We spend about 2,000 hours of our lives just getting ready.
It's enough time to go to the Moon 30 times over, which explains why so few of us find the time to go to the Moon.
And rinse.
That's powerful.
That's a powerful jet.
The same drill every day.
It's a colossal pain.
But don't get down, I'm about to showcase some top-notch gadgets that will cure those morning blues.
Toast.
Like this magic mirror that allows me to try on clothes without actually having to try on clothes.
This mirror was designed for shops but can also be installed in your bedroom to avoid the flaming nuisance of putting clothes on your body to see what they look like.
Yeah.
I mean, more or less.
I wonder if it's possible to create a machine that would alleviate the hassle of getting ready each morning.
I need to investigate.
My research starts with a dry run of the latest getting-ready technology.
And who better to act as my guinea pig than a woman who's used to rising at an unfeasible hour to host her early morning Radio 1 show.
ALARM BEEPS Sara Cox is waking up in my customised Gadget Man pad.
I think it's now safe and more importantly appropriate to enter the chamber.
How long do you have between waking up and needing to leave the door? If I'm not sitting downstairs making the children eat cereal by seven, then I'm in a panic.
So, time is of the essence? It really is in the morning, yeah.
OK.
Now, I've got something that may save you time.
Starting in the en-suite bathroom without actually being in the en-suite bathroom.
The iShower.
What this does is it allows you to remotely control the shower.
Look at this.
What kind of temperature are you looking at for your shower in the morning? 22? Is that nice for a summer's morn?I think that's quite nice.
You can hear it start.
Is that the shower?That's the shower.
Wow.
That's mega.
It's heating up now.
The software links to a water mixer which can be attached to any shower.
You can save minutes off your daily grind by simply allowing the shower to warm up in advance.
I might not make it into work with all this excitement.
I'm wasting time marvelling at how great it is saving time.
That is the one danger of this situation.
If there's one dull chore that does slow us down of a morning, it's getting our clothes all pressed and crinkle free.
Irons have barely changed since the first electric ones were invented in 1882.
But at long last, an alternative to conventional ironing is upon us.
This is the TUBIE.
It's a new way of ironing and drying clothes.
I don't really iron.
No.
I shake things and I put them on the radiator.
Right.
The key thing here is that we put the dress on itOK.
.
.
this inflates with hot air.
Wow.
The TUBIE automatically adapts its temperature to match the material and is ready in a brisk seven minutes.
Freeing you to do something more worthwhile than slaving over a hot iron.
And there we go.
You know what it reminds me of a little bit? Outside of car showrooms where they've got those inflatable men that golike that.
Yes.
But it is quite clever in that you don't have to really do any of this business.
No.
Sara has no time for cafe pit-stops.
She needs gadgets for a fast and efficient breakfast.
This is called the EggMaster.
Any gadget with the word "master" in the title, you know it's going to be good.
All the way from America, this gadget actually cooks eggs.
I will then insert this into it.
Ooh, it's aIt's a stick.
Stick! That's right.
You place the stick in, you walk away and then six or seven minutes, you return with egg on stick.
Shush.
No?! Really?That's right.
I'm going to put the stick in and we're going to walk away.
Let's turn our attention to this, the Popcake.
The world's first automated table-top pancake making machine.
Wow.
This will spew out one every 20 seconds.
That's amazing.
Originally from Australia, the Popcake creates an avalanche of hot pancakes that are 97% fat-free.
That's not bad because normally you have to put a lot of melted butter and oil into your pancake mix.
That's right.
So this is quite good.
This is pretty quick.
Look at that.
Boom.
Should I taste one?Yeah.
Go on.
What do you think? Good? Yes? No? I'm not going to spend money on it, unless I want to start, like, maybe Sara's Pancake ShackOK.
.
.
on the side of the M61 in a little caravan.
Sure.
If I do thatYou'll give Popcake a call.
I could be tempted.
Look at this! SHE GASPS The EggMaster has done its work and proved pure egg on a stick.
It's mesmerising.
Do you wish to take it?Yeah.
You've gone for the middle.
That's not how I would have approached it.
It's like you don't know where the yolk is, but maybe that's part of the fun.
Yeah.
Part of the fun is not knowing which bit of the egg is where.
Oh, it's there!Yes.
It was at that precise moment that I wondered whether there be any way on this green earth to automate the whole getting-ready business.
I want something that can wake me, dress me and feed me while I remain floating gently on the borders of consciousness.
Wallace and Gromit managed it and they're not even real.
I wonder whether I can do it.
Generations have been captivated by the idea that a machine could be made to automate getting up and out of the house.
But has anyone in real life, where I vaguely reside, actually tried it? I think not.
So far, I've looked at gadgets that can wash, dress and feed a fella, but what about my insatiable need for grooming? City professionals love to groom, but they also need time to swim, pump iron and make money.
So I've given them some speedy grooming gadgets to see if they can make their morning transition to work even faster.
We start with the non-men.
Check this, a professional airbrush make-up machine for spraying your face with morning make-up.
It feels so much nicer than foundation.
You had spray on make-up.
The blusher was a bit bright.
I look like a clown.
Look at my cheeks! OK.
And the curling tongs machine, was that quicker?I really liked it.
For hairstyling, these state-of-some-kind-of-art hair curlers.
I think it's easier to use than a wand.
You literally clamp it down and it's done for you.
We have one other thing which may be of interest to you.
Do you all possess nails?Yes.
There's a nail-printing machine and it's over there.
For intricate designs on your fingertips, a vending machine which instantly prints onto your nails.
It also has a camera here so you can take pictures of your own face and then print them on your nails.
Now, remove the digit.
Wow.
How long is it taking you currently to lovingly put pictures of me onto your nails?I hate getting my nails done.
Right.
So that's all right.
That's quite cool.
So, in all, it feels like we've had moderate to quite good success, I'd say, today.
But don't despair that you don't have my face printed on your nails.
Something that I'd previously only seen in my worst nightmares.
Wow.
Yep.
I'm going to go home and put them straight on.
Well, you must.
I've also given some grooming gadgets to some City men in the adjacent changing room.
Like this hi-tech toothbrush.
Timer.
Connected to an app, it tells you how long and where to brush Next quadrantall via Bluetooth.
How was the tooth system? Apparently, you're supposed to brush for two minutes.
I think I brush for three minutes.
You're wasting an extra 50% of your life.
Exactly! You had the goatee kit.
You had a shaver.
I found it to be a little awkward.
For unsteady morning hands, the GoateeSaver claims to provide a fast, perfectly-shaped beard every time.
It didn't save me any time particularly and it certainly didn't help on the precision front either.
Precision is key, as Craig David knows.
Absolutely.
I do have something that I'm close to bursting with excitement about.
This little device removes unsightly nasal hair.
This is great.
It looks at the moment like you're having the world's tiniest fondue party.
Is this going to save you time on your nasal hair grooming routine? Go for it.
You could be making a business call.
You could be saying, "Buy, sell.
" They don't know you've got a nose stick in.
At the end, "Sold.
" Pull.
THEY GROAN Wow.
You all look like you've made quite a haul.
Really unpleasant.
That's pleasing.
My research complete, I'm now drawing up frankly extravagant plans for automating getting ready in the morning, contraptions that anyone could install in their homes, something that will take the strain out of the morning routine and turn it into an enjoyable part of the day instead.
All I need now is someone to build it and quick.
'Coming up 'I rise at the crack of day to escort Radio 4's 'John Humphrys to work' Oh.
I am just a little bit tense, you understand.
How do you think I feel? '.
.
and I customise my Gadget Man quarters 'to see if it's possible to automate getting up in the morning.
' 'Welcome back.
'I've been looking at gadgets to eradicate those early morning, 'feeling bad blues.
' Look at that!Is that the shower? That's mega.
It's heating up now.
'My deep and fervent wish is to automate the grisly 'business of getting up and ready, but I am in a fierce hurry.
' 'What, in the name of all that is gadget, could my engineering staff 'create in just one, solitary day?' Anthony, I have this.
It's a way of trying to automate getting up in the morning.
OK.
It's a dream, not as profound as Martin Luther's, but of similar significance.
It'll be entertaining.
You're a man of considerable gift, you've never let me down ever, and that's a pretty good track record of not letting a man down.
Best of luck.
Thank you, I think.
'While he does that thing I asked him to do, I'm going 'to tackle the tedium of the morning trudge to work.
' 'One person who knows more about it than most is Radio Four 'presenter, John Humphreys.
' 'He's personally demanded that I find him some alternative 'and energetic forms of transport to get him on his way.
' Hello, how are you? Hello, Richard.
What is it? Well, it's called the ElliptiGO.
It's a mixture between a bike and a cross trainer, so you go up and down, a bit like an ATAT in Star Wars.
HE LAUGHS Right.
Here we go, then.
Oh, my God, this is madness.
Whoa! Whoa! Look at that! Good grief.
'It has gears like a bike, but unlike a bike, 'it has no saddle to speak of.
' It's really good exercise.
You can't sit down, you can't have a little rest, and it does feel very odd to be walking a bike uphill, which is the sensation you get.
It would get me to work.
The only slight problem is that by the time I got there, and when the pips went at six o'clock, I would be incapable of speech.
OK, so this is the next transportation option.
Now I like the look of this.
If I am sitting in thereYes.
Who's? Any member of Team Humphreys could be peddling.
It's assisted.
You can charge it.
Effectively, what you put in, it gives you back.
What about you peddle it and I?I was afraid it was going to go there.
I could be on a laptop feeding you information.
You could be running alongside pushing, which would be a lot more help.
Yeah.
Ah Yeah, no, I think you're getting it.
Again.
Obstacle coming up, obstacle coming up, obstacle coming up.
Way, we're away!Good.
Are you enjoying it? Once you're away from the start, once you're actually moving, it's rather nice, and at least you can sit down, unlike the last one.
Yes.
Now this is the tricky Going through the gate.
We did it! Now don't get cocky.
Oh! We'd better stop at this point.
God.
And pull up.
There you go.
I'm just not quite sure about all this, cos it's quite a big space to carry one little bag.
So essentially, you don't need the thing that it's for.
You got it.
OK.
Sad, but there you go.
I think we should go to work in this, which I think you're going to like.
This is the Twike.
It's an electric car, but you can also peddle it.
It goes up to 53 miles an hour.
'This hybrid vehicle is made in Germany.
'A full charge can go up to 210 miles, and cost as little as 30p.
'It can be driven on roads in Britain 'by anyone with a full diver's licence.
' I like that.
So I'm going to drive you to Broadcasting House? If you would.
You're a brave man.
OK, before we set off, I have a gadget tie for you.
All right.
That may come in handy later.
How are you feeling about it? Pretty scared, if you want the honest answer.
I'm going to have to give this my total concentration.
Oh! I am just a little bit tense, you understand.
Sure.
How do you think I feel? 'The Twike is steered much like a helicopter with a joystick.
' You're one hand steering.
One hand steering, and with that one hand, you're controlling the direction of the car, but you're also controlling the accelerator and brake.
'Now that John's mastered the controls, 'we employ our powerfully muscular legs for a work-out.
' So this is just great for cardio.
It's a bit warm, though, isn't it? When you're peddling on a bike, you've got the air rushing past you.
But that's good, you're probably sweating even more off.
'Time to self refresh.
' The gadget tie I gave you earlier It weighs a lot, by the way.
Yeah, that's cos it's full of coffee.
It's full of liquid.
You take this and you bite it down and suck at the same time.
You're winding me up, right?I'm not.
I think you have to, you know, really go at it.
And nothing is coming out of this.
That's a life half-lived, then.
So what time do you get up in the morning? 16 minutes to four, because I want to be in the car by about six minutes to four.
So ten minutes, you're ready? Absolutely, yeah! 'John requires a constant news feed en route to the studio.
' By the time I got to the main roundabout in Shepherds Bush, the Five Live news headlines would be on, so I'd listen to that.
You're basically a current affairs vampire, is what you are.
'And I've got the most up-to-date information technology in the hood.
' I have something quite new, Google Glass.
I've heard of Google Glass.
So this is a real Google Glass?Yes.
I think this is the first time they've allowed it to be filmed.
They heard it was going to go near your head and they were extremely excited.
So what it is, it's like a monitor.
This is going to be like looking into a computer screen right next to your eye.
If you tap the glass once on the side.
And then it has a voice activation system.
Right.
Say, "OK, Glass.
"OK, Glass.
'Once activated, Google Glass allows you 'to scroll through a range of apps, including news.
' Oh, somebody's talking to me in the speaker.
Yes, well, that will possibly be the news being read out.
That's exactly what it is.
So you can read it quite clearly.
Yes.
It's extraordinary, isn't it? 'And that's not its only function.
' Say, "Record a video.
" Record a video.
And it is nowIt's recording.
It's recording you looking at me.
And I can see a tiny image in your You can see yourself in my eye!Which isSpooky.
Somewhat disturbing.
Yeah.
It's essentially one step closer to becoming a cyborg.
I feel cyborg-ish already.
Google say that this is going to take over the world, really, that within a year, everyone's going to have these on their domes.
Mind you, they would say that, wouldn't they?Well, you know.
Am I being cynical here? You're not known for being contrary, at all, are you? Well, I think we should continue our journey to Broadcasting House.
But I'm taking these off.
I don't trust myself.
Let's close up.
Go for it.
'With the pips fast upon us, 'we glide masterfully towards our destination.
' 'Google Glass wasn't John's cup of Joe, but what about the Twike?' I think if you got used to it, it'd be great fun.
I don't like the fact that when the front wheel hits a hole It feels like you might die.
It feels a bit like that.
John, thank you.
Thank you, Richard.
The news calls.
You know how it is.
All the time - instant, endless pressure.
I mustn't keep you.
All the best.
All right.
Bye-bye.
'There he goes, from the Twike to the microphone.
' 'Back at the Gadget Man house 'my engineering flunkies are installing a, frankly, 'under-resourced rise-and-shine machine to wake, wash, 'dress and feed me come the morn.
' 'With the house resembling an under-stocked boutique, 'my expectations have started to spiral.
'I suspect mutiny.
' METAL RATTLES 'I take to my bed, hoping, as ever, to never wake up.
' ALARM CHIRPS Please, just another eight hours.
'My bed has been customised with a conveyor belt, which is 'activated when the alarm goes off.
' 'My automated seat is guided by magic eye tape, 'the same system that automatically steers jumbo jets into hangars.
' This is less fast than I'd hoped.
'Two Vileda super mops engage.
' That is insufficient as a shower.
'A series of triggers activates parts of the machine as I approach.
' Wow.
Those areas of my head are now hot.
Here we go.
'Then I turn to the breakfast bar.
' Coffee, and to the next stage.
'Liquid butter arcs out of an unhealthy-looking nozzle.
' Wow, that's appetising(!) 'Followed by reddish liquid.
' Oh There we go.
What a pleasingly efficient way to proceed.
This bit's still manual.
The day's business.
Create an amazing gadget.
Well, I've done that.
'Not for the last time, 'technology has lagged behind my ever-restless mind.
'So, while gadgets can make portions of the morning more bearable, 'it feels like there's some way to go before one machine can do it all.
'My disappointment visible, 'I leave the house in search of more qualified support staff.
' 'Next week, I'll be looking at how gadgets can help take 'the stress out of parenting.
' Obviously, I am in complete control.
When I was young, my father fixed televisions for a living and I would spend many a happy hour helping him in his workshop.
He was obsessed with gadgets and gizmos and I suppose he must have passed on some of this fascination to me.
I've always thought there's something moderately heroic about a gadget, an often small device dedicating itself to one specific purpose - making life that little bit easier.
'So, welcome to Gadget Ma,m 'where I get to celebrate some of the world's best gadgets' Wow.
Straight in there.
Back it off.
Back it off.
'.
.
and introduce you to the most amazing 'and bizarre technology from around the world.
' You look like will.
i.
am.
'I'll also be trying to invent whole new gadgets 'to solve some of life's everyday problems.
' So, before ado is in any way furthered, let's tool up and get down to business.
BUZZING The heartbreaking realisation that you are no longer asleep.
I'm a writer so this puppy's normally set to about 3pm.
But for grown-ups with actual jobs and responsibilities, there are deadlines, trains to catch and places to be.
We spend about 2,000 hours of our lives just getting ready.
It's enough time to go to the Moon 30 times over, which explains why so few of us find the time to go to the Moon.
And rinse.
That's powerful.
That's a powerful jet.
The same drill every day.
It's a colossal pain.
But don't get down, I'm about to showcase some top-notch gadgets that will cure those morning blues.
Toast.
Like this magic mirror that allows me to try on clothes without actually having to try on clothes.
This mirror was designed for shops but can also be installed in your bedroom to avoid the flaming nuisance of putting clothes on your body to see what they look like.
Yeah.
I mean, more or less.
I wonder if it's possible to create a machine that would alleviate the hassle of getting ready each morning.
I need to investigate.
My research starts with a dry run of the latest getting-ready technology.
And who better to act as my guinea pig than a woman who's used to rising at an unfeasible hour to host her early morning Radio 1 show.
ALARM BEEPS Sara Cox is waking up in my customised Gadget Man pad.
I think it's now safe and more importantly appropriate to enter the chamber.
How long do you have between waking up and needing to leave the door? If I'm not sitting downstairs making the children eat cereal by seven, then I'm in a panic.
So, time is of the essence? It really is in the morning, yeah.
OK.
Now, I've got something that may save you time.
Starting in the en-suite bathroom without actually being in the en-suite bathroom.
The iShower.
What this does is it allows you to remotely control the shower.
Look at this.
What kind of temperature are you looking at for your shower in the morning? 22? Is that nice for a summer's morn?I think that's quite nice.
You can hear it start.
Is that the shower?That's the shower.
Wow.
That's mega.
It's heating up now.
The software links to a water mixer which can be attached to any shower.
You can save minutes off your daily grind by simply allowing the shower to warm up in advance.
I might not make it into work with all this excitement.
I'm wasting time marvelling at how great it is saving time.
That is the one danger of this situation.
If there's one dull chore that does slow us down of a morning, it's getting our clothes all pressed and crinkle free.
Irons have barely changed since the first electric ones were invented in 1882.
But at long last, an alternative to conventional ironing is upon us.
This is the TUBIE.
It's a new way of ironing and drying clothes.
I don't really iron.
No.
I shake things and I put them on the radiator.
Right.
The key thing here is that we put the dress on itOK.
.
.
this inflates with hot air.
Wow.
The TUBIE automatically adapts its temperature to match the material and is ready in a brisk seven minutes.
Freeing you to do something more worthwhile than slaving over a hot iron.
And there we go.
You know what it reminds me of a little bit? Outside of car showrooms where they've got those inflatable men that golike that.
Yes.
But it is quite clever in that you don't have to really do any of this business.
No.
Sara has no time for cafe pit-stops.
She needs gadgets for a fast and efficient breakfast.
This is called the EggMaster.
Any gadget with the word "master" in the title, you know it's going to be good.
All the way from America, this gadget actually cooks eggs.
I will then insert this into it.
Ooh, it's aIt's a stick.
Stick! That's right.
You place the stick in, you walk away and then six or seven minutes, you return with egg on stick.
Shush.
No?! Really?That's right.
I'm going to put the stick in and we're going to walk away.
Let's turn our attention to this, the Popcake.
The world's first automated table-top pancake making machine.
Wow.
This will spew out one every 20 seconds.
That's amazing.
Originally from Australia, the Popcake creates an avalanche of hot pancakes that are 97% fat-free.
That's not bad because normally you have to put a lot of melted butter and oil into your pancake mix.
That's right.
So this is quite good.
This is pretty quick.
Look at that.
Boom.
Should I taste one?Yeah.
Go on.
What do you think? Good? Yes? No? I'm not going to spend money on it, unless I want to start, like, maybe Sara's Pancake ShackOK.
.
.
on the side of the M61 in a little caravan.
Sure.
If I do thatYou'll give Popcake a call.
I could be tempted.
Look at this! SHE GASPS The EggMaster has done its work and proved pure egg on a stick.
It's mesmerising.
Do you wish to take it?Yeah.
You've gone for the middle.
That's not how I would have approached it.
It's like you don't know where the yolk is, but maybe that's part of the fun.
Yeah.
Part of the fun is not knowing which bit of the egg is where.
Oh, it's there!Yes.
It was at that precise moment that I wondered whether there be any way on this green earth to automate the whole getting-ready business.
I want something that can wake me, dress me and feed me while I remain floating gently on the borders of consciousness.
Wallace and Gromit managed it and they're not even real.
I wonder whether I can do it.
Generations have been captivated by the idea that a machine could be made to automate getting up and out of the house.
But has anyone in real life, where I vaguely reside, actually tried it? I think not.
So far, I've looked at gadgets that can wash, dress and feed a fella, but what about my insatiable need for grooming? City professionals love to groom, but they also need time to swim, pump iron and make money.
So I've given them some speedy grooming gadgets to see if they can make their morning transition to work even faster.
We start with the non-men.
Check this, a professional airbrush make-up machine for spraying your face with morning make-up.
It feels so much nicer than foundation.
You had spray on make-up.
The blusher was a bit bright.
I look like a clown.
Look at my cheeks! OK.
And the curling tongs machine, was that quicker?I really liked it.
For hairstyling, these state-of-some-kind-of-art hair curlers.
I think it's easier to use than a wand.
You literally clamp it down and it's done for you.
We have one other thing which may be of interest to you.
Do you all possess nails?Yes.
There's a nail-printing machine and it's over there.
For intricate designs on your fingertips, a vending machine which instantly prints onto your nails.
It also has a camera here so you can take pictures of your own face and then print them on your nails.
Now, remove the digit.
Wow.
How long is it taking you currently to lovingly put pictures of me onto your nails?I hate getting my nails done.
Right.
So that's all right.
That's quite cool.
So, in all, it feels like we've had moderate to quite good success, I'd say, today.
But don't despair that you don't have my face printed on your nails.
Something that I'd previously only seen in my worst nightmares.
Wow.
Yep.
I'm going to go home and put them straight on.
Well, you must.
I've also given some grooming gadgets to some City men in the adjacent changing room.
Like this hi-tech toothbrush.
Timer.
Connected to an app, it tells you how long and where to brush Next quadrantall via Bluetooth.
How was the tooth system? Apparently, you're supposed to brush for two minutes.
I think I brush for three minutes.
You're wasting an extra 50% of your life.
Exactly! You had the goatee kit.
You had a shaver.
I found it to be a little awkward.
For unsteady morning hands, the GoateeSaver claims to provide a fast, perfectly-shaped beard every time.
It didn't save me any time particularly and it certainly didn't help on the precision front either.
Precision is key, as Craig David knows.
Absolutely.
I do have something that I'm close to bursting with excitement about.
This little device removes unsightly nasal hair.
This is great.
It looks at the moment like you're having the world's tiniest fondue party.
Is this going to save you time on your nasal hair grooming routine? Go for it.
You could be making a business call.
You could be saying, "Buy, sell.
" They don't know you've got a nose stick in.
At the end, "Sold.
" Pull.
THEY GROAN Wow.
You all look like you've made quite a haul.
Really unpleasant.
That's pleasing.
My research complete, I'm now drawing up frankly extravagant plans for automating getting ready in the morning, contraptions that anyone could install in their homes, something that will take the strain out of the morning routine and turn it into an enjoyable part of the day instead.
All I need now is someone to build it and quick.
'Coming up 'I rise at the crack of day to escort Radio 4's 'John Humphrys to work' Oh.
I am just a little bit tense, you understand.
How do you think I feel? '.
.
and I customise my Gadget Man quarters 'to see if it's possible to automate getting up in the morning.
' 'Welcome back.
'I've been looking at gadgets to eradicate those early morning, 'feeling bad blues.
' Look at that!Is that the shower? That's mega.
It's heating up now.
'My deep and fervent wish is to automate the grisly 'business of getting up and ready, but I am in a fierce hurry.
' 'What, in the name of all that is gadget, could my engineering staff 'create in just one, solitary day?' Anthony, I have this.
It's a way of trying to automate getting up in the morning.
OK.
It's a dream, not as profound as Martin Luther's, but of similar significance.
It'll be entertaining.
You're a man of considerable gift, you've never let me down ever, and that's a pretty good track record of not letting a man down.
Best of luck.
Thank you, I think.
'While he does that thing I asked him to do, I'm going 'to tackle the tedium of the morning trudge to work.
' 'One person who knows more about it than most is Radio Four 'presenter, John Humphreys.
' 'He's personally demanded that I find him some alternative 'and energetic forms of transport to get him on his way.
' Hello, how are you? Hello, Richard.
What is it? Well, it's called the ElliptiGO.
It's a mixture between a bike and a cross trainer, so you go up and down, a bit like an ATAT in Star Wars.
HE LAUGHS Right.
Here we go, then.
Oh, my God, this is madness.
Whoa! Whoa! Look at that! Good grief.
'It has gears like a bike, but unlike a bike, 'it has no saddle to speak of.
' It's really good exercise.
You can't sit down, you can't have a little rest, and it does feel very odd to be walking a bike uphill, which is the sensation you get.
It would get me to work.
The only slight problem is that by the time I got there, and when the pips went at six o'clock, I would be incapable of speech.
OK, so this is the next transportation option.
Now I like the look of this.
If I am sitting in thereYes.
Who's? Any member of Team Humphreys could be peddling.
It's assisted.
You can charge it.
Effectively, what you put in, it gives you back.
What about you peddle it and I?I was afraid it was going to go there.
I could be on a laptop feeding you information.
You could be running alongside pushing, which would be a lot more help.
Yeah.
Ah Yeah, no, I think you're getting it.
Again.
Obstacle coming up, obstacle coming up, obstacle coming up.
Way, we're away!Good.
Are you enjoying it? Once you're away from the start, once you're actually moving, it's rather nice, and at least you can sit down, unlike the last one.
Yes.
Now this is the tricky Going through the gate.
We did it! Now don't get cocky.
Oh! We'd better stop at this point.
God.
And pull up.
There you go.
I'm just not quite sure about all this, cos it's quite a big space to carry one little bag.
So essentially, you don't need the thing that it's for.
You got it.
OK.
Sad, but there you go.
I think we should go to work in this, which I think you're going to like.
This is the Twike.
It's an electric car, but you can also peddle it.
It goes up to 53 miles an hour.
'This hybrid vehicle is made in Germany.
'A full charge can go up to 210 miles, and cost as little as 30p.
'It can be driven on roads in Britain 'by anyone with a full diver's licence.
' I like that.
So I'm going to drive you to Broadcasting House? If you would.
You're a brave man.
OK, before we set off, I have a gadget tie for you.
All right.
That may come in handy later.
How are you feeling about it? Pretty scared, if you want the honest answer.
I'm going to have to give this my total concentration.
Oh! I am just a little bit tense, you understand.
Sure.
How do you think I feel? 'The Twike is steered much like a helicopter with a joystick.
' You're one hand steering.
One hand steering, and with that one hand, you're controlling the direction of the car, but you're also controlling the accelerator and brake.
'Now that John's mastered the controls, 'we employ our powerfully muscular legs for a work-out.
' So this is just great for cardio.
It's a bit warm, though, isn't it? When you're peddling on a bike, you've got the air rushing past you.
But that's good, you're probably sweating even more off.
'Time to self refresh.
' The gadget tie I gave you earlier It weighs a lot, by the way.
Yeah, that's cos it's full of coffee.
It's full of liquid.
You take this and you bite it down and suck at the same time.
You're winding me up, right?I'm not.
I think you have to, you know, really go at it.
And nothing is coming out of this.
That's a life half-lived, then.
So what time do you get up in the morning? 16 minutes to four, because I want to be in the car by about six minutes to four.
So ten minutes, you're ready? Absolutely, yeah! 'John requires a constant news feed en route to the studio.
' By the time I got to the main roundabout in Shepherds Bush, the Five Live news headlines would be on, so I'd listen to that.
You're basically a current affairs vampire, is what you are.
'And I've got the most up-to-date information technology in the hood.
' I have something quite new, Google Glass.
I've heard of Google Glass.
So this is a real Google Glass?Yes.
I think this is the first time they've allowed it to be filmed.
They heard it was going to go near your head and they were extremely excited.
So what it is, it's like a monitor.
This is going to be like looking into a computer screen right next to your eye.
If you tap the glass once on the side.
And then it has a voice activation system.
Right.
Say, "OK, Glass.
"OK, Glass.
'Once activated, Google Glass allows you 'to scroll through a range of apps, including news.
' Oh, somebody's talking to me in the speaker.
Yes, well, that will possibly be the news being read out.
That's exactly what it is.
So you can read it quite clearly.
Yes.
It's extraordinary, isn't it? 'And that's not its only function.
' Say, "Record a video.
" Record a video.
And it is nowIt's recording.
It's recording you looking at me.
And I can see a tiny image in your You can see yourself in my eye!Which isSpooky.
Somewhat disturbing.
Yeah.
It's essentially one step closer to becoming a cyborg.
I feel cyborg-ish already.
Google say that this is going to take over the world, really, that within a year, everyone's going to have these on their domes.
Mind you, they would say that, wouldn't they?Well, you know.
Am I being cynical here? You're not known for being contrary, at all, are you? Well, I think we should continue our journey to Broadcasting House.
But I'm taking these off.
I don't trust myself.
Let's close up.
Go for it.
'With the pips fast upon us, 'we glide masterfully towards our destination.
' 'Google Glass wasn't John's cup of Joe, but what about the Twike?' I think if you got used to it, it'd be great fun.
I don't like the fact that when the front wheel hits a hole It feels like you might die.
It feels a bit like that.
John, thank you.
Thank you, Richard.
The news calls.
You know how it is.
All the time - instant, endless pressure.
I mustn't keep you.
All the best.
All right.
Bye-bye.
'There he goes, from the Twike to the microphone.
' 'Back at the Gadget Man house 'my engineering flunkies are installing a, frankly, 'under-resourced rise-and-shine machine to wake, wash, 'dress and feed me come the morn.
' 'With the house resembling an under-stocked boutique, 'my expectations have started to spiral.
'I suspect mutiny.
' METAL RATTLES 'I take to my bed, hoping, as ever, to never wake up.
' ALARM CHIRPS Please, just another eight hours.
'My bed has been customised with a conveyor belt, which is 'activated when the alarm goes off.
' 'My automated seat is guided by magic eye tape, 'the same system that automatically steers jumbo jets into hangars.
' This is less fast than I'd hoped.
'Two Vileda super mops engage.
' That is insufficient as a shower.
'A series of triggers activates parts of the machine as I approach.
' Wow.
Those areas of my head are now hot.
Here we go.
'Then I turn to the breakfast bar.
' Coffee, and to the next stage.
'Liquid butter arcs out of an unhealthy-looking nozzle.
' Wow, that's appetising(!) 'Followed by reddish liquid.
' Oh There we go.
What a pleasingly efficient way to proceed.
This bit's still manual.
The day's business.
Create an amazing gadget.
Well, I've done that.
'Not for the last time, 'technology has lagged behind my ever-restless mind.
'So, while gadgets can make portions of the morning more bearable, 'it feels like there's some way to go before one machine can do it all.
'My disappointment visible, 'I leave the house in search of more qualified support staff.
' 'Next week, I'll be looking at how gadgets can help take 'the stress out of parenting.
' Obviously, I am in complete control.