Strangers with Candy (1999) s02e02 Episode Script
Behind Blank Eyes
1
Nice catch, Orlando.
Speaking of catch, what's
going on with you and Spence?
Spence Snibbins?
I dropped him.
He just doesn't snap my bean.
You know something, Orlando?
Wha'?
I am so tired of
high school boys.
I need someone
strong and courageous.
Uh, what about me?
I want a man, not a monkey.
Shazam!
Hey, watch it!
Sorry, just doing laps.
In a pool?
Yeah, right.
You need to be more
Oh my dear Lord.
Ah nature's
callin'
Ughnnn
Where was I?
I haven't seen you before.
Yeah, my family just moved
here from Moorehead City.
I'm just starting at Flatpoint.
You know, when I started
at Flatpoint, I w
Over here!
Being rude.
I'm not being rude, I'm blind.
Stop yanking my chain.
I'm serious, I'm blind.
Oh my God!
But you're
you're swimming.
Well, I can do
everything you do.
I just can't see
myself doing it.
I'm getting in shape for
the football tryouts.
Mmm so strong
and courageous.
Where have I heard
those two words today?
Hey, well, uh, good luck
at your tryout.
Thanks.
PRINCIPAL BLACKMAN: All
right, everybody out of the water.
We've got a dead body
in the pool.
Hello, I'm Jerri Blank.
32 years ago I dropped
out of high school
and ran away from home.
Oh, I made a lot of friends,
did a lot of time.
I was a boozer,
a user, and a loser.
I stole the TV
Did some more time.
But now I'm back in school!
And though the faces
may have changed
The hassles are just the same.
Move it, ladies!
Come and get me!
Ah, look at them go!
I feel it this year.
It is our destiny.
I want that trophy
sitting in my case
drenched with the blood
of these young warriors!
Let's go, Brownies,
show us how you skip!
You're all a bunch of sissies!
Oh, I like this.
All right, you ladies
make me sick!
Give me 10 laps and
then hit the showers!
Liss, I like your
coaching style.
Y'know, when these
boys come to me, I
I break 'em down,
'till they're
worthless and weak.
Ahhh
Then you build them
back up again?
No.
Oh, I think somebody's
made a wrong turn.
Can we help you, son?
I'm looking for Coach Liss.
You've found him.
Coach Liss, I'd like to
try out for your team.
[SNAP SNAP]
This isn't
the Special Olympics, son.
I'll handle this.
Look, son, the field of glory
is no place for the
malformed or the abnormal.
Why don't you turn your energies
to something less
eyeball-challenging
like, say
the debate team?
Oh wait a minute,
you can't read.
I can read!
Nifty trick
Look, son, I don't think
football is for you.
Now run along.
Well, you've got to
admire his sense of direction.
He did make it out here.
Boo!
Remember me?
Oh yeah, the girl who
took a leak in the pool.
You should've seen
what I did in the shower.
I'm Jerri Blank.
My name is Alan.
Mind if I walk with you
for a while?
I'd like the company.
I thought you looked uh, pretty
sexy in your swimming trunks.
Oh, thanks.
You're probably wondering,
so I'll tell you
I look pretty sexy in mine.
Go ahead, ask anybody.
Well, don't ask anybody.
You sound like a
really nice person, Jerri.
Oh here, let me
help you with that.
Oh, but no, that's okay,
I can do it by myself.
Sorry.
Everybody thinks I can't do
things just because I'm blind.
That's why it's so important
for me to play football
and be just like everybody else.
Here, let me help you!
Jerri, Jerri, are you
listening to me?
I cross this street every day
by myself with no problem.
Sorry, just trying to help.
Okay, Jerri
Lead on.
[TIRES SCREECHING]
Alan!
Walk towards
the sound of my voice!
[TRUCK HORN BLOWING]
Watch the truck!
Alan!
Run away from
the sound of my voice!
Hurry!
[VEHICLES CRASHING]
Alan!
The truck!
The truck!
Oh my God, you're fine!
Cross all the time by yourself?
Yeah right!
The audacity!
I will not be strong-armed
by the Board of Education.
Let the boy sue!
Bring it on,
I love a good fight.
Listen up, Roger, don't push me
or I'll cancel the whole
athletic program
and then where will you
place your bets?!
I'll do it!
Threaten me?!
That blind boy would turn
this football team
into a circus sideshow!
And what about my trophy!?
Alan, what's it like
being blind?
Is it like having
your eyes closed?
Or is it like being
in a dark room
and not being able to
find the light switch?
Jerri, it's hard to explain
to someone who can see.
Oh what's your
favorite color?
Jerri, can we just
change the subject?
Absolutely.
Do you close your eyes
when you sleep?
Please, Jerri!
Sorry, just curious.
Oh say
can you see ♪
Hey, Alan, tough break
about the tryout huh?
I guess we all know
it's for the best right?
I'm still planning on playing
football for Flatpoint High.
Joke's over, mole man.
Good one, Trake!
It's no joke.
I'm going to play football
for Flatpoint High.
You know what's funny,
he's blind,
but you're the ones who spend
all your time beating off.
troll
I'm gonna work on a comeback
And it's gonna sting!
Come on, fellas.
Forget about 'em, Alan.
Thanks for sticking up
for me, Jerri.
You're not like most people.
I think it's brave of you
wanting to play football.
I think it's sexy.
It makes me as damp
as a cellar down there.
All mildewy.
Enter if you dare.
Uh-huh
right, right
Hello, Stepmother.
Jerri, there goes my quiet
and pleasant afternoon.
Who's your friend?
Who's your rude friend?
This is Alan, he's blind.
[SNAPPING FINGERS]
Jerri, can I talk to you
privately please?
Uh, this has nothing
to do with you Alan.
We just need to
talk about you some place
where you can't hear us.
What's up, darling,
is this some sort of a prank?
Alan is my friend, Mother.
I can't have him
bumping into my valuables
during one of his sightless
destructive seizures.
Fine!
We'll go up to my room!
C'mon, Alan!
Jerri, would you just keep him
in the channel please.
I don't want him
running aground
On the china cabinet.
Alan!
Sorry, Mumsie!
[CRASH]
Oh come on, Jerri!!
This nice?
That was funny, breaking
your mother's vase
and blaming it on me.
Who told you that?!
What do you mean, I was standing
right there when it happened.
Oh right,
good one.
Nice to spend time with
somebody I can trust.
I'm here for you, Alan.
Jerri, can I feel your face
so I know what you look like?
O key-dokey.
Hmm oh, yeah, oh, Alan,
it's nice hmm
You're a girl right?
Trust me, I'm all woman.
Yeah, ya see what
I was talking about, huh?
Juice it, juice it!
Can I go down farther?
Huh?
Can I keep going?
Please?
Oh, uh, yes.
Give me a second,
give me a second.
Uh
Ah, right.
Take the trail to heaven!
And don't worry I
I can't get pregnant.
My ovaries are diseased.
Oh yeah
Go gentle
Oh that's it, work it,
oh that smarts.
Oh, I'm going to
feel this in the morning.
Oh, I'm charged.
Jerri, are you
making fun of me?!
What?
Oh, oh Alan, no, I just didn't
want you to be disappointed.
You don't understand me, Jerri!
You're no different
than everyone else!
Alan, no, come back.
Alan, that's the closet.
Alan, a little bit
more to the left.
There ya go.
Alan, no, come back, Alan!
Oh!
Look, Onyx, the P.T.A. is crawling on me
like flies on a rib roast.
Evidently there's
some "law" that says
you can't discriminate
against the disabled.
Now, I don't like
this anymore than you do,
but as the president
of the Board of Ed,
I want you to let
that blind boy play!
Roger!
I have to go, Onyx, I'm
parked in a handicapped spot.
Damn!
My hands are tied.
Well, maybe legally
we have to let
the blind boy play,
but say he felt so unwanted
that he had a change of heart.
That doesn't break any law,
does it, Onyx?
Hot diggety dog,
I don't believe it does!
[SNICKERING]
If only I could see
what it's like to be blind.
"See what it's like
to be blind."
Hello?
Ughn!
Alan, it's me, Jerri.
Jerri, why didn't
you ring the doorbell?
I'm blind, Alan, just like you.
Count me among the sightless.
What are you
talking about, Jerri?
I covered my eyes
with a blindfold
so I could see firsthand
what your freakish,
vision-less world is really like.
Alan, I'm sorry I deceived you,
but now I truly understand you.
Thank you, Jerri.
No one's ever tried before.
I'll uh, see you
at school tomorrow, Alan.
Or rather
Not see you.
Bye.
Jerri!?
Alan
Here comes ol' Blindo.
Take him down.
Arghh!
[CRASH]
You should see this!
Mr. Jellineck
just took a spill.
Bad time to be blind, Jerri.
He just impaled
himself with scissors.
I want to see!
I want to see!
PRINCIPAL BLACKMAN:
Oh my!
I've never seen
anything like this!
This is gonna be in
the yearbook if he survives.
Now I understand
the true curse of blindness.
What are you up to, dumb eyes?
Just thinking about
the big game.
Oh yeah?
Well, think about this, Batman!
Hear that?
Yes, paper.
That's right, and what
do you get from paper?
A paper cut.
Bingo.
Smell it.
It smells like a lemon.
Is it coming together
for you, Alan?
Lemons, paper cuts
Not really.
Aw, forget it!
Listen, nobody wants you
on the team!
Why?
I'm a good athlete.
I just happen to be
a little different!
Yeah, but
No, you're confusing us!
Let's go watch some gay porn
so we can get our hate back.
Ha ha ha ha
Jerri Jerri
I love listening to,
and not watching, TV.
Jerri?
Uh huh?
Do you think we could stop
listening to the TV for a minute?
I need to talk.
Oh.
Sure, I'll um, I'll turn it off.
What's up?
I just want to
thank you for the way
you've tried to understand me.
What do you mean?
I mean wearing that blindfold.
Yeah, well, you know,
it was a real challenge
but well worth it.
I mean I'd do it
all over again
The monkey's killing a duck!
What are you talking about?
Uh
It was just something I
heard at school earlier today.
I'm sorry, please go on.
Well, I need your advice,
'cause I'm having
second thoughts about
playing in the big game.
What are you talking about?
I thought they
have to let you play.
Yeah, but I guess I
didn't want to win this way.
I was hoping that
if I stuck it out
the team would
respect me, you know?
They'd want me to play,
do you understand?
Uh huh
What's that sound?
What? Oh,
I bumped my knee.
Damn it!
Jerri, you've proven to
me that you care.
Please let me
take the blindfold off.
Oh just give
me just a second..
Oh, are you sure
All right
Oh my God, it it stings!
Um, everything's so
bright and, and hot.
Oh my God, I can't
believe I can see
Things I never saw before.
Ha ha ha ha!
Oh my God.
Well, if it isn't Mr
No-Lookin'-at-Things guy
God, I hate you!
You can lay off now, Derrick.
I'm not gonna play on the team!
Alan, what?
Wait!
Alan!
Ha ha ha!
The monkey's dressed up
like a sheriff!
Alan, wait!
Ready, okay!
Our players may be crackers,
our players may be honkeys,
but you cannot defeat
the Flatpoint Donkeys!
'Cause we've got the style,
we make the passes,
and you can't beat
our Flatpoint Asses!
LISS:
All right, remember:
You are panty-waisted
pussies who squat to pee,
but we are not here
to bake cupcakes.
We are here to kick some ass!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Now, Principal Blackman will
lead us in a team prayer.
Dear Lord, thank you for giving
this game your undivided attention.
We'll try to be brief so you
can return your energies
to the movement of the stars
and the condemnation
of the Jews.
Please hand us an easy victory.
I'm not saying that if we lose,
we'll turn away,
but do you really
want to take that risk?
And finally, just as
you cured the blind,
thank you for curing this
team of the blind.
Oh, and, uh,
forgive me for that thing
I do with the thing.
Amen.
Kick 'em, Donks!
All right, let's go get
knocked up,
you fertile bitches!
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go
I hope you're all happy
keeping Alan off the team.
Couldn't you, for once,
open your minds and hearts
and hear something that
he couldn't see?
I, for one,
am glad Alan is blind,
so he can't see what I am so
sad to say you can't hear.
BLACKMAN:
You're right, Jerri Blank.
About what?
We acted selfishly.
Looks like we're
the most blind of all.
[CROWD CHEERING]
Alan!
Good!
Do it for Flatpoint, son.
Oh Alan, I'm so proud of you.
It's me, Jerri.
I know, Jerri, I know.
Alright, we're going with
a shotgun 24 double dog,
dragged through the garden
Alan, this one's going to you,
on seven
Team mate.
Ready?
Break! Break! Break!
Set!
Hut!
Hut!
Hut!
Hut!
Hut!
Hut!
Hut!
Hut!
Hut!
Hut!
Hu-tttt!
Ughn!
Ughn!
Ughn!
Ughn!
Ughn!
Ughn!
Ughn!
Ughn!
Ughn!
Well, I guess we all should
have seen that one coming,
except of course for Alan,
being blind and all.
All right, gentlemen!
Let's win this one for Alan!
Kick 'em, Donks!
Here you go towel.
Mmmpgh!
Well, things are back
to normal around here.
Towel?
Flatpoint didn't
win a single game
and everyone's
getting along just fine!
Except Alan, who never
regained consciousness
and is now the star attraction
in a traveling trauma center.
Towel?
Mmmm, mmmph!
I guess what I learned
from all this is
never encourage the handicapped.
It'll only get them hurt.
Hello there, tigger.
Hi, Jerri!
Here's a towel to cover your
How do I put this delicately
Vagina.
Feelin' ♪
yes I'm
feelin' good ♪
smilin' ♪
and I know
I should ♪
feelin' ♪
feelin' oh
so fine ♪
walkin' ♪
walkin' on
sunshine ♪
the DJ's spinnin' ♪
and I am feelin' ♪
the DJ's spinnin' ♪
and I am feelin' ♪
the DJ's spinnin' ♪
and I am feelin' ♪
the DJ's spinnin'
and I am feelin' good ♪
Nice catch, Orlando.
Speaking of catch, what's
going on with you and Spence?
Spence Snibbins?
I dropped him.
He just doesn't snap my bean.
You know something, Orlando?
Wha'?
I am so tired of
high school boys.
I need someone
strong and courageous.
Uh, what about me?
I want a man, not a monkey.
Shazam!
Hey, watch it!
Sorry, just doing laps.
In a pool?
Yeah, right.
You need to be more
Oh my dear Lord.
Ah nature's
callin'
Ughnnn
Where was I?
I haven't seen you before.
Yeah, my family just moved
here from Moorehead City.
I'm just starting at Flatpoint.
You know, when I started
at Flatpoint, I w
Over here!
Being rude.
I'm not being rude, I'm blind.
Stop yanking my chain.
I'm serious, I'm blind.
Oh my God!
But you're
you're swimming.
Well, I can do
everything you do.
I just can't see
myself doing it.
I'm getting in shape for
the football tryouts.
Mmm so strong
and courageous.
Where have I heard
those two words today?
Hey, well, uh, good luck
at your tryout.
Thanks.
PRINCIPAL BLACKMAN: All
right, everybody out of the water.
We've got a dead body
in the pool.
Hello, I'm Jerri Blank.
32 years ago I dropped
out of high school
and ran away from home.
Oh, I made a lot of friends,
did a lot of time.
I was a boozer,
a user, and a loser.
I stole the TV
Did some more time.
But now I'm back in school!
And though the faces
may have changed
The hassles are just the same.
Move it, ladies!
Come and get me!
Ah, look at them go!
I feel it this year.
It is our destiny.
I want that trophy
sitting in my case
drenched with the blood
of these young warriors!
Let's go, Brownies,
show us how you skip!
You're all a bunch of sissies!
Oh, I like this.
All right, you ladies
make me sick!
Give me 10 laps and
then hit the showers!
Liss, I like your
coaching style.
Y'know, when these
boys come to me, I
I break 'em down,
'till they're
worthless and weak.
Ahhh
Then you build them
back up again?
No.
Oh, I think somebody's
made a wrong turn.
Can we help you, son?
I'm looking for Coach Liss.
You've found him.
Coach Liss, I'd like to
try out for your team.
[SNAP SNAP]
This isn't
the Special Olympics, son.
I'll handle this.
Look, son, the field of glory
is no place for the
malformed or the abnormal.
Why don't you turn your energies
to something less
eyeball-challenging
like, say
the debate team?
Oh wait a minute,
you can't read.
I can read!
Nifty trick
Look, son, I don't think
football is for you.
Now run along.
Well, you've got to
admire his sense of direction.
He did make it out here.
Boo!
Remember me?
Oh yeah, the girl who
took a leak in the pool.
You should've seen
what I did in the shower.
I'm Jerri Blank.
My name is Alan.
Mind if I walk with you
for a while?
I'd like the company.
I thought you looked uh, pretty
sexy in your swimming trunks.
Oh, thanks.
You're probably wondering,
so I'll tell you
I look pretty sexy in mine.
Go ahead, ask anybody.
Well, don't ask anybody.
You sound like a
really nice person, Jerri.
Oh here, let me
help you with that.
Oh, but no, that's okay,
I can do it by myself.
Sorry.
Everybody thinks I can't do
things just because I'm blind.
That's why it's so important
for me to play football
and be just like everybody else.
Here, let me help you!
Jerri, Jerri, are you
listening to me?
I cross this street every day
by myself with no problem.
Sorry, just trying to help.
Okay, Jerri
Lead on.
[TIRES SCREECHING]
Alan!
Walk towards
the sound of my voice!
[TRUCK HORN BLOWING]
Watch the truck!
Alan!
Run away from
the sound of my voice!
Hurry!
[VEHICLES CRASHING]
Alan!
The truck!
The truck!
Oh my God, you're fine!
Cross all the time by yourself?
Yeah right!
The audacity!
I will not be strong-armed
by the Board of Education.
Let the boy sue!
Bring it on,
I love a good fight.
Listen up, Roger, don't push me
or I'll cancel the whole
athletic program
and then where will you
place your bets?!
I'll do it!
Threaten me?!
That blind boy would turn
this football team
into a circus sideshow!
And what about my trophy!?
Alan, what's it like
being blind?
Is it like having
your eyes closed?
Or is it like being
in a dark room
and not being able to
find the light switch?
Jerri, it's hard to explain
to someone who can see.
Oh what's your
favorite color?
Jerri, can we just
change the subject?
Absolutely.
Do you close your eyes
when you sleep?
Please, Jerri!
Sorry, just curious.
Oh say
can you see ♪
Hey, Alan, tough break
about the tryout huh?
I guess we all know
it's for the best right?
I'm still planning on playing
football for Flatpoint High.
Joke's over, mole man.
Good one, Trake!
It's no joke.
I'm going to play football
for Flatpoint High.
You know what's funny,
he's blind,
but you're the ones who spend
all your time beating off.
troll
I'm gonna work on a comeback
And it's gonna sting!
Come on, fellas.
Forget about 'em, Alan.
Thanks for sticking up
for me, Jerri.
You're not like most people.
I think it's brave of you
wanting to play football.
I think it's sexy.
It makes me as damp
as a cellar down there.
All mildewy.
Enter if you dare.
Uh-huh
right, right
Hello, Stepmother.
Jerri, there goes my quiet
and pleasant afternoon.
Who's your friend?
Who's your rude friend?
This is Alan, he's blind.
[SNAPPING FINGERS]
Jerri, can I talk to you
privately please?
Uh, this has nothing
to do with you Alan.
We just need to
talk about you some place
where you can't hear us.
What's up, darling,
is this some sort of a prank?
Alan is my friend, Mother.
I can't have him
bumping into my valuables
during one of his sightless
destructive seizures.
Fine!
We'll go up to my room!
C'mon, Alan!
Jerri, would you just keep him
in the channel please.
I don't want him
running aground
On the china cabinet.
Alan!
Sorry, Mumsie!
[CRASH]
Oh come on, Jerri!!
This nice?
That was funny, breaking
your mother's vase
and blaming it on me.
Who told you that?!
What do you mean, I was standing
right there when it happened.
Oh right,
good one.
Nice to spend time with
somebody I can trust.
I'm here for you, Alan.
Jerri, can I feel your face
so I know what you look like?
O key-dokey.
Hmm oh, yeah, oh, Alan,
it's nice hmm
You're a girl right?
Trust me, I'm all woman.
Yeah, ya see what
I was talking about, huh?
Juice it, juice it!
Can I go down farther?
Huh?
Can I keep going?
Please?
Oh, uh, yes.
Give me a second,
give me a second.
Uh
Ah, right.
Take the trail to heaven!
And don't worry I
I can't get pregnant.
My ovaries are diseased.
Oh yeah
Go gentle
Oh that's it, work it,
oh that smarts.
Oh, I'm going to
feel this in the morning.
Oh, I'm charged.
Jerri, are you
making fun of me?!
What?
Oh, oh Alan, no, I just didn't
want you to be disappointed.
You don't understand me, Jerri!
You're no different
than everyone else!
Alan, no, come back.
Alan, that's the closet.
Alan, a little bit
more to the left.
There ya go.
Alan, no, come back, Alan!
Oh!
Look, Onyx, the P.T.A. is crawling on me
like flies on a rib roast.
Evidently there's
some "law" that says
you can't discriminate
against the disabled.
Now, I don't like
this anymore than you do,
but as the president
of the Board of Ed,
I want you to let
that blind boy play!
Roger!
I have to go, Onyx, I'm
parked in a handicapped spot.
Damn!
My hands are tied.
Well, maybe legally
we have to let
the blind boy play,
but say he felt so unwanted
that he had a change of heart.
That doesn't break any law,
does it, Onyx?
Hot diggety dog,
I don't believe it does!
[SNICKERING]
If only I could see
what it's like to be blind.
"See what it's like
to be blind."
Hello?
Ughn!
Alan, it's me, Jerri.
Jerri, why didn't
you ring the doorbell?
I'm blind, Alan, just like you.
Count me among the sightless.
What are you
talking about, Jerri?
I covered my eyes
with a blindfold
so I could see firsthand
what your freakish,
vision-less world is really like.
Alan, I'm sorry I deceived you,
but now I truly understand you.
Thank you, Jerri.
No one's ever tried before.
I'll uh, see you
at school tomorrow, Alan.
Or rather
Not see you.
Bye.
Jerri!?
Alan
Here comes ol' Blindo.
Take him down.
Arghh!
[CRASH]
You should see this!
Mr. Jellineck
just took a spill.
Bad time to be blind, Jerri.
He just impaled
himself with scissors.
I want to see!
I want to see!
PRINCIPAL BLACKMAN:
Oh my!
I've never seen
anything like this!
This is gonna be in
the yearbook if he survives.
Now I understand
the true curse of blindness.
What are you up to, dumb eyes?
Just thinking about
the big game.
Oh yeah?
Well, think about this, Batman!
Hear that?
Yes, paper.
That's right, and what
do you get from paper?
A paper cut.
Bingo.
Smell it.
It smells like a lemon.
Is it coming together
for you, Alan?
Lemons, paper cuts
Not really.
Aw, forget it!
Listen, nobody wants you
on the team!
Why?
I'm a good athlete.
I just happen to be
a little different!
Yeah, but
No, you're confusing us!
Let's go watch some gay porn
so we can get our hate back.
Ha ha ha ha
Jerri Jerri
I love listening to,
and not watching, TV.
Jerri?
Uh huh?
Do you think we could stop
listening to the TV for a minute?
I need to talk.
Oh.
Sure, I'll um, I'll turn it off.
What's up?
I just want to
thank you for the way
you've tried to understand me.
What do you mean?
I mean wearing that blindfold.
Yeah, well, you know,
it was a real challenge
but well worth it.
I mean I'd do it
all over again
The monkey's killing a duck!
What are you talking about?
Uh
It was just something I
heard at school earlier today.
I'm sorry, please go on.
Well, I need your advice,
'cause I'm having
second thoughts about
playing in the big game.
What are you talking about?
I thought they
have to let you play.
Yeah, but I guess I
didn't want to win this way.
I was hoping that
if I stuck it out
the team would
respect me, you know?
They'd want me to play,
do you understand?
Uh huh
What's that sound?
What? Oh,
I bumped my knee.
Damn it!
Jerri, you've proven to
me that you care.
Please let me
take the blindfold off.
Oh just give
me just a second..
Oh, are you sure
All right
Oh my God, it it stings!
Um, everything's so
bright and, and hot.
Oh my God, I can't
believe I can see
Things I never saw before.
Ha ha ha ha!
Oh my God.
Well, if it isn't Mr
No-Lookin'-at-Things guy
God, I hate you!
You can lay off now, Derrick.
I'm not gonna play on the team!
Alan, what?
Wait!
Alan!
Ha ha ha!
The monkey's dressed up
like a sheriff!
Alan, wait!
Ready, okay!
Our players may be crackers,
our players may be honkeys,
but you cannot defeat
the Flatpoint Donkeys!
'Cause we've got the style,
we make the passes,
and you can't beat
our Flatpoint Asses!
LISS:
All right, remember:
You are panty-waisted
pussies who squat to pee,
but we are not here
to bake cupcakes.
We are here to kick some ass!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Now, Principal Blackman will
lead us in a team prayer.
Dear Lord, thank you for giving
this game your undivided attention.
We'll try to be brief so you
can return your energies
to the movement of the stars
and the condemnation
of the Jews.
Please hand us an easy victory.
I'm not saying that if we lose,
we'll turn away,
but do you really
want to take that risk?
And finally, just as
you cured the blind,
thank you for curing this
team of the blind.
Oh, and, uh,
forgive me for that thing
I do with the thing.
Amen.
Kick 'em, Donks!
All right, let's go get
knocked up,
you fertile bitches!
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go
I hope you're all happy
keeping Alan off the team.
Couldn't you, for once,
open your minds and hearts
and hear something that
he couldn't see?
I, for one,
am glad Alan is blind,
so he can't see what I am so
sad to say you can't hear.
BLACKMAN:
You're right, Jerri Blank.
About what?
We acted selfishly.
Looks like we're
the most blind of all.
[CROWD CHEERING]
Alan!
Good!
Do it for Flatpoint, son.
Oh Alan, I'm so proud of you.
It's me, Jerri.
I know, Jerri, I know.
Alright, we're going with
a shotgun 24 double dog,
dragged through the garden
Alan, this one's going to you,
on seven
Team mate.
Ready?
Break! Break! Break!
Set!
Hut!
Hut!
Hut!
Hut!
Hut!
Hut!
Hut!
Hut!
Hut!
Hut!
Hu-tttt!
Ughn!
Ughn!
Ughn!
Ughn!
Ughn!
Ughn!
Ughn!
Ughn!
Ughn!
Well, I guess we all should
have seen that one coming,
except of course for Alan,
being blind and all.
All right, gentlemen!
Let's win this one for Alan!
Kick 'em, Donks!
Here you go towel.
Mmmpgh!
Well, things are back
to normal around here.
Towel?
Flatpoint didn't
win a single game
and everyone's
getting along just fine!
Except Alan, who never
regained consciousness
and is now the star attraction
in a traveling trauma center.
Towel?
Mmmm, mmmph!
I guess what I learned
from all this is
never encourage the handicapped.
It'll only get them hurt.
Hello there, tigger.
Hi, Jerri!
Here's a towel to cover your
How do I put this delicately
Vagina.
Feelin' ♪
yes I'm
feelin' good ♪
smilin' ♪
and I know
I should ♪
feelin' ♪
feelin' oh
so fine ♪
walkin' ♪
walkin' on
sunshine ♪
the DJ's spinnin' ♪
and I am feelin' ♪
the DJ's spinnin' ♪
and I am feelin' ♪
the DJ's spinnin' ♪
and I am feelin' ♪
the DJ's spinnin'
and I am feelin' good ♪