Sweetbitter (2018) s02e02 Episode Script
Equifax And Experian
1 TESS: Previously on Sweetbitter - Oh, my God.
- [GASPS.]
WOMAN: Your mother clearly didn't baby you.
- Her dad raised her.
- Oh.
SIMONE: Your mother never made you help? We ate a lot of food you just added water to.
I wanna talk to Howard right now.
- Where is he? - [GLASS SHATTERS, CROWD GASPS.]
I didn't tell anyone.
You are showing your age right now.
ROSALYNN: Kinda thought you didn't wanna do this anymore.
I did what I thought was best.
I needed things to die down.
Daddy's back.
TESS: Do you not wanna get better? I do not care either way.
New York is never a mistake Jake, however, is.
Hi, I'm Rosalynn.
I'm the new hostess.
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[CAMERA CLICKS SOFTLY.]
[SHUTTER CLICKING.]
You're gonna ask permission? Morning.
- Don't move.
- [SHUTTER CLICKS.]
[LAUGHS SOFTLY.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[JAZZY MUSIC.]
Here we go.
Enjoy your meal.
All right, thank you.
ARI: Hm, poor kid.
- Who? - Rosalynn.
WILL: I don't know if I'd have sex with her.
- She didn't ask you.
- She just started.
Baby Jakey doesn't waste time.
Fuck everyone.
- Didn't fuck me.
- Not yet.
He tried to fuck me when I started.
- Seriously? - Ew, he never did.
He just wanted me for my gold star.
Well, he didn't even look at me twice.
- He was intimidated.
- By? She's black.
I don't mean black.
I mean Ivy League.
Didn't intimidate me.
Hey, the night's not over yet.
HEATHER: Jake tried to fuck Sasha.
I touched his erection once we had a very long discussion about that.
Both tops not meant to be.
Uh, no way you're a top.
What are the cretins talking about tonight? TESS: Nothing interesting.
[DRAMATIC PERCUSSIVE MUSIC.]
[SPEAKING SPANISH.]
- Bye.
- [WHOOPS SOFTLY.]
[SPEAKING SPANISH.]
Those are awesome.
Are they new? Uh yeah, I just bought them last night.
- Third person in line.
- SASHA: [SIGHS.]
- Hey, how you feeling? - Hey.
- [SIGHS.]
- [CHAIR RATTLES.]
Okay, it looks better.
Are you off the pain pills? Yep.
Okay Are you feeling a bit more optimistic? Everything is great.
[MEN SPEAKING SPANISH.]
Shut the fuck up, pendejos, will you? The shoes those are hideous.
- TESS: Sasha.
- They are.
Look at them.
MAN: [SPEAKS SPANISH.]
What'd you say? - Sasha.
- No, dumb fuck's spending his money on shoes.
He doesn't even have roads in his countries.
Or toilets.
He shits on the street.
[SPEAKING SPANISH.]
[CHUCKLES, MUTTERS.]
Why don't you go fuck yourself and go back to Mexico? I'm not from Mexico [SPEAKS SPANISH.]
- Okay, thank you.
- TESS: Okay, Sasha.
- Seriously? - What you know, - flat-chested cunt? - Hey! - Hey, Sasha - [SPEAKS RUSSIAN.]
[SPEAKS SPANISH.]
[SIGHS SOFTLY.]
Sorry about that guy.
He's, um I I don't know.
He's going through a rough time.
[LOCKER CREAKS.]
[LOCKER SHUTS.]
Feels good though, right? No, um now I'm taking them off.
Yeah, I get it.
Buying something like that makes you feel like a different person.
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
- Good night.
- TESS: Night.
[SIGHS.]
What do you think? Mm, fucking hot.
[LAUGHS.]
Right? I've been here four times to try it on.
Just get it.
I should, right? I'm a New Yorker.
I live in New York.
It's like a rite of passage.
I've got an apartment.
I got a job.
And it's gonna get fucking cold in, like, a minute.
I'm doing it [LAUGHS SOFTLY.]
Wait, didn't you just say you were gonna buy it? Well, I don't have $500 in cash, but I've been thinking about getting a credit card.
Oh, here.
- I have three.
- Oh[LAUGHS.]
No, you'll pay me back.
I'm like a credit card, but with zero interest, and whether you actually pay me back No, thank you.
I want my own.
Fine.
- Then let's go - [SUNGLASSES CLATTER.]
- Before someone else buys it.
- Where? Just follow me.
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
- [PHONE RINGS.]
These are the rejected lollipops that didn't taste right I fucking love them.
What do you think this one is? Cran apple? Mmm semen.
- Please stop.
- [BOTH LAUGH.]
- It's delicious.
- [LAUGHS.]
Oh, he's back.
[PHONE RINGS.]
I'm sorry, but we cannot offer you a card at this time.
What? - Your credit score is less than ideal.
How is that possible? I've I've never OSCAR: I'm looking at a card in your name that was maxed out in 2002 in Nevada and has been in collection since 2003.
2002? I was 17.
Okay, it's obviously a mistake.
I ran your social twice Equifax and Experian.
ARI: Okay, I don't know those banks, and stop looking at her like that, Oscar.
Obviously, some asswipe in Nevada got a hold of her information.
Perhaps a parent opened it for you, since you were a minor at the time? [SCOFFS.]
No.
I don't know anyone in Nevada.
- I've never been to Nevada.
- Okay, you're not listening.
Oscar, just tell whoever you need to tell that my friend here has had her identity stolen.
You get this taken care of.
Stop.
Stop nodding.
It doesn't matter whether I believe you or not.
No financial institution on Earth is going to approve you.
I'm sorry.
- Where's your supervisor? - TESS: Ari.
It's fine.
Let's just go.
[TENSE MUSIC.]
Little bitch.
This is a sauvignon blanc from the Loire, which is different than one from California, which immediately loses its character in the hotter climate.
Hello? Are you listening? Yes.
Sorry.
Um - Climate, the climate.
- Sorry to interrupt.
Tess, could I cajole you into unloading a pallet in the cellar, maybe some light organization if there's time? We're right in the middle.
Howard, there must be someone else.
Must there? Shouldn't take long.
Of course.
Thanks.
- Hey, Howard? - Hm? Quick question.
Do you think, um Do you think it would be completely out of line to ask if I can use your computer for, like, two minutes, and then I'll get started in the cellar? I didn't realize we were negotiating.
It's really important.
The chair is set to a very specific height and lean.
- Please don't change it.
- Of course.
Thank you.
[SIGHS SOFTLY.]
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[SIGHS.]
M-motherfucking shit.
Ugh! [SOFT INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[CLEARS THROAT SOFTLY.]
[SIGHS.]
[RHYTHMIC PERCUSSIVE MUSIC.]
That system makes no sense [SIGHS.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
SCOTT: More.
Less.
This is good.
SASHA: Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm.
- Throw this out.
- Mmm.
Stop finger-fucking my sauces.
Hey, taste this.
- Makes you feel better.
- What do you mean, "feel better"? Ari said somebody named Oscar took all your money.
I hate working here.
[SPEAKING SPANISH ANGRILY.]
- Is he talking to me? - [SPEAKING SPANISH ANGRILY.]
His sneakers what did you do with them? Like I would touch - Move! - Sasha.
- Give him his shoes back.
- SASHA: I didn't take them.
One of them.
They're all thieves.
[SPEAKING SPANISH.]
[CHUCKLES.]
You think I can't understand you? [SPEAKING SPANISH.]
- Don't fucking touch me.
- Okay, guys, stop.
No, shit.
Dinner's up.
- Yeah, so, Sasha, shoes.
- He didn't take them.
Go to hell, Ari.
What the fuck? Hey.
How's it going? [SIGHS.]
Oh, drama in the kitchen, but, uh, you should see the wine cellar.
I'm updating the system and I feel pretty good about it.
WILL: Cool.
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
So Ari told you, huh? Great.
She just feels bad for you.
We all do.
Okay, well, don't.
It's it's not a big deal.
Having your identity stolen is kind of a big deal.
Okay, well, I'm working.
Really, does nobody work around here? Absolutely.
Yeah, in fact, I'm gonna fold napkins.
It's not what you think anyway.
[SIGHS.]
It was my mom.
I didn't even know you had one.
I mean, you just never really talk about your family or anything like that.
Yeah, well, I don't really talk to her at all.
She didn't raise me.
In fact, the only thing she knows about me is my social security and she used it to buy shit and ruin my credit.
Jesus.
Yeah.
- [SIGHS.]
- Well, my mom my mom chaperoned my prom and she made me slow dance with her.
Will I-I don't need a credit card.
I'll be fine, okay? Go.
Don't tell anyone, please.
I don't share with a lot of people.
[SIGHS.]
[KNOCKING.]
Yes? [SOFT INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
You wanted to see me? - Have a seat.
- No, thanks.
It has come to my attention there may be something between you and the new hostess.
We spend a tremendous amount of time here.
Romantic relationships between coworkers it's natural.
Understandable.
I'm going to be amending the handbook, the one you likely burned when you started.
Going forward, new policy expects employees to disclose intimate relationships with coworkers to management.
You wanna know who I'm fucking? I don't care who you're fucking.
I care about what happens in my restaurant.
I want those situations to be above board.
My priority is a safe and professional work environment.
I-I don't Sorry? I have nothing intimate to disclose.
Okay.
You can go.
[DOOR SHUTS.]
MAN: Pick up! Hey risotto's up.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
You were in the wine room? I can't find the Occhipinti.
It should be under O.
Occhipinti.
It didn't make sense to me.
- The alphabet? - The system.
It should be grouped by country based on the map, so the Italy section is now on the north wall.
Within that, it's still alphabetical.
Okay, stop.
Find the bottle for me.
Okay.
Fine, okay.
Should've just filed it under Sicily.
Oh, of course.
It should go north to south.
Thank you.
[SASHA CLEARS THROAT.]
SASHA: Hey.
Hey! You embarrassed me in front of the whole kitchen.
How could I let you talk to him like that? Him? Are you a special kind of fucking idiot? You think, poor baby Santos.
You think Sasha's just on drugs.
You think we both immigrants, so why don't we kiss under the rainbow? Listen to me, princess.
I went to college.
I speak four fucking languages, and it doesn't matter, 'cause my life is fucked.
Why, though? Why is it fucked? My visa expired, okay? Well what does that mean? It means I'm illegal like him.
Okay, a policeman catch me, and send me back, and you will never see me again.
But maybe that's what you want.
Oh, Sasha.
Come on.
Of course that's not what I want.
I just We'll figure it out, okay? But you have to give Santos his sneakers back.
I did not take his fucking sneakers, Tess.
Fine.
Whatever.
I got my own problems.
[LOUNGE MUSIC.]
The asshole in the office just gave me a lecture on who I'm sleeping with.
- Did he? - Yeah.
He's putting in some kind of new policy.
Is that right? Hm.
Well, we could be [CLEARS THROAT.]
More discreet.
You know what's funny? - I don't.
- [CHUCKLES.]
You skipped one.
A new girl.
[TENSE MUSIC.]
Tess.
Is that why she's in a mood tonight? I think she's having issues with her mom.
Mm [CLICKS TONGUE.]
I was under the impression she doesn't have a mom.
Apparently she does.
Wow, she can be strangely guarded.
Look who I'm talking to.
[MELLOW MUSIC.]
WILL: There she is.
Don't be mad.
- I told Heather.
- He told me.
Just because she's in law school - Was.
- Was in law school, and she-she knows about these things.
Seriously, the wrongful acquisition of personal data through fraud or deception for economic gain is a federal offense.
You could have her arrested.
I could have my mother arrested? Sure.
She deserves it.
How about I don't want anything to do with the woman? And in case you guys haven't got the memo, - I don't wanna talk about it.
- We're just trying to help.
Okay, well, don't.
I didn't ask for help, I don't want help, so leave me alone.
Tess, your voice is echoing down the hallway.
Uh, will you guys give us a minute? Oh, dear.
You are clearly working through some issues.
This is gonna be so much better.
Yeah, it's not only organized by country, but by region, north to south, by on the map.
You do know you're gonna have to put this back the way it was, right? You are a very private person.
Very independent.
Well, I've had to be.
I didn't exactly have a choice.
And you are better for it.
But you seem intent on doing everything yourself.
Isn't that exhausting? Yeah.
It is.
You know, letting people in isn't the same as being weak.
I just wanted a leather jacket.
And how does she still get to me? Because she doesn't know you.
She doesn't know how brave you are.
[CRIES.]
How you left her behind and everything else, and how you have done all of this on your own.
- It doesn't make a difference.
- It makes all the difference.
It means that one day, you are gonna have what you want - Even a leather jacket.
- [TESS LAUGHS.]
That's the least of my problems.
And what if one day, I want a car? Or a house? Or a plane ticket? Look at me.
Hey.
[SIGHS.]
That part is fixable.
It is all fixable, but you gotta let people help you.
Let me help you.
[SPEAKING SPANISH.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[CLEARS THROAT.]
"Dear little taco boy, I did not take your shoes.
"I believe they are very ugly, not my taste, "And "I do not steal from poor people.
"Warm regards [SAYS NAME IN RUSSIAN.]
Aka Sasha.
" Well, it seems her mother opened a card in her name.
[SOFT MUSIC.]
Y-yeah, I-I know.
I know.
But, John, they don't have any relationship whatsoever.
They haven't had contact in years and years.
It's 12 12 years? In 12 years.
Yes, this was a child who was taken advantage of.
[SNIFFS.]
Great.
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
N-no.
Her name is Tess.
Simone? I can do it.
John, h-hold on.
Here she is.
John is one of our regulars, and he is a hell of a lawyer.
Okay? He's gonna help us, and we're gonna get him a table for forever.
[LAUGHS SOFTLY.]
Take your time.
Thank you.
[DOOR CLICKS, SHUTS.]
[EXHALES.]
Hi, John.
[SPEAKING SPANISH.]
[GIGGLES.]
Oh, there she is.
- SCOTT: I smell leather.
- No.
- WOMAN: Bow and everything.
- ARI: Just open it.
Open it! Open the fucking thing.
I wanna go home.
WOMAN: [LAUGHS.]
- WOMAN: Eww.
- [LAUGHTER.]
SCOTT: Ugh.
NICKY: That doesn't look like leather to me.
[LAUGHTER.]
It's from this amazing store called our lost and found.
WILL: The good stuff gets taken in the first few hours.
That's been here for about six months.
- [LAUGHS.]
- ARI: Might wanna wash it.
- Put it on.
- Fashion show.
- ALL: Yeah.
- MAN: Put it on.
- ARI: Fashion show.
- MAN: Put it on.
- ARI: Fashion show.
- ALL: Put it on.
ALL: Put it on.
[LAUGHS.]
NICKY: Aww, it looks cute.
[LAUGHING.]
Wow.
Guys - I don't know what to say.
- Don't.
Here.
- Parents suck.
- NICKY: Hey.
Oh, I'm sorry, Nicky.
I'm sure your kids will never need therapy because their dad's a bartender.
Hey, fuck you.
Your dad hasn't called you in a year.
ARI: Fuck you.
Eight months.
He called to tell me that he had another kid that he named Ariel.
Terrible boy's name.
My parents think I'm a failure.
Yeah, magna cum laude from fucking Princeton.
Never done anything right.
William's mom got fat when he leaves home.
[LAUGHTER.]
Why would you say that? Because it's true.
She has no life without you.
I'm the only child my parents don't pester about having grandkids.
- Isn't that a good thing? - No, it's offensive.
- My kid would be fucking awesome.
- Hmm.
My mother never had a passport, and she never learned how to drive.
She hasn't once visited me in New York because I won't let her.
And my mom went for a swim and never came back.
[LAUGHS SOFTLY.]
Now it's a party.
[CLEARS THROAT QUIETLY.]
My mommy is the most fabulous person in the entire world.
- SASHA: A saint.
- Yeah, but she's in Russia.
You'll never see her again.
It's true.
Well, we're all orphans Annie.
[LAUGHTER.]
To orphans Annie? ALL: To orphans Annie.
- SASHA: Na Zdorovie.
- ALL: Na Zdorovie.
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
- SASHA: [SMOOCHES.]
You should burn that jacket.
ARIEL: Fast.
Shut, shut your eyes Let your world fade to darkness You could be the one To save the things I thought I'd for sure forever lost Skipped right out of my goddamn heart Your cousin, he's screaming 'cause The needle is following him Don't you know That's the nature of the show A needle will follow you And wake you and take you right back To the place you tried so hard To leave If you don't really Mean what you say
- [GASPS.]
WOMAN: Your mother clearly didn't baby you.
- Her dad raised her.
- Oh.
SIMONE: Your mother never made you help? We ate a lot of food you just added water to.
I wanna talk to Howard right now.
- Where is he? - [GLASS SHATTERS, CROWD GASPS.]
I didn't tell anyone.
You are showing your age right now.
ROSALYNN: Kinda thought you didn't wanna do this anymore.
I did what I thought was best.
I needed things to die down.
Daddy's back.
TESS: Do you not wanna get better? I do not care either way.
New York is never a mistake Jake, however, is.
Hi, I'm Rosalynn.
I'm the new hostess.
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[CAMERA CLICKS SOFTLY.]
[SHUTTER CLICKING.]
You're gonna ask permission? Morning.
- Don't move.
- [SHUTTER CLICKS.]
[LAUGHS SOFTLY.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[JAZZY MUSIC.]
Here we go.
Enjoy your meal.
All right, thank you.
ARI: Hm, poor kid.
- Who? - Rosalynn.
WILL: I don't know if I'd have sex with her.
- She didn't ask you.
- She just started.
Baby Jakey doesn't waste time.
Fuck everyone.
- Didn't fuck me.
- Not yet.
He tried to fuck me when I started.
- Seriously? - Ew, he never did.
He just wanted me for my gold star.
Well, he didn't even look at me twice.
- He was intimidated.
- By? She's black.
I don't mean black.
I mean Ivy League.
Didn't intimidate me.
Hey, the night's not over yet.
HEATHER: Jake tried to fuck Sasha.
I touched his erection once we had a very long discussion about that.
Both tops not meant to be.
Uh, no way you're a top.
What are the cretins talking about tonight? TESS: Nothing interesting.
[DRAMATIC PERCUSSIVE MUSIC.]
[SPEAKING SPANISH.]
- Bye.
- [WHOOPS SOFTLY.]
[SPEAKING SPANISH.]
Those are awesome.
Are they new? Uh yeah, I just bought them last night.
- Third person in line.
- SASHA: [SIGHS.]
- Hey, how you feeling? - Hey.
- [SIGHS.]
- [CHAIR RATTLES.]
Okay, it looks better.
Are you off the pain pills? Yep.
Okay Are you feeling a bit more optimistic? Everything is great.
[MEN SPEAKING SPANISH.]
Shut the fuck up, pendejos, will you? The shoes those are hideous.
- TESS: Sasha.
- They are.
Look at them.
MAN: [SPEAKS SPANISH.]
What'd you say? - Sasha.
- No, dumb fuck's spending his money on shoes.
He doesn't even have roads in his countries.
Or toilets.
He shits on the street.
[SPEAKING SPANISH.]
[CHUCKLES, MUTTERS.]
Why don't you go fuck yourself and go back to Mexico? I'm not from Mexico [SPEAKS SPANISH.]
- Okay, thank you.
- TESS: Okay, Sasha.
- Seriously? - What you know, - flat-chested cunt? - Hey! - Hey, Sasha - [SPEAKS RUSSIAN.]
[SPEAKS SPANISH.]
[SIGHS SOFTLY.]
Sorry about that guy.
He's, um I I don't know.
He's going through a rough time.
[LOCKER CREAKS.]
[LOCKER SHUTS.]
Feels good though, right? No, um now I'm taking them off.
Yeah, I get it.
Buying something like that makes you feel like a different person.
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
- Good night.
- TESS: Night.
[SIGHS.]
What do you think? Mm, fucking hot.
[LAUGHS.]
Right? I've been here four times to try it on.
Just get it.
I should, right? I'm a New Yorker.
I live in New York.
It's like a rite of passage.
I've got an apartment.
I got a job.
And it's gonna get fucking cold in, like, a minute.
I'm doing it [LAUGHS SOFTLY.]
Wait, didn't you just say you were gonna buy it? Well, I don't have $500 in cash, but I've been thinking about getting a credit card.
Oh, here.
- I have three.
- Oh[LAUGHS.]
No, you'll pay me back.
I'm like a credit card, but with zero interest, and whether you actually pay me back No, thank you.
I want my own.
Fine.
- Then let's go - [SUNGLASSES CLATTER.]
- Before someone else buys it.
- Where? Just follow me.
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
- [PHONE RINGS.]
These are the rejected lollipops that didn't taste right I fucking love them.
What do you think this one is? Cran apple? Mmm semen.
- Please stop.
- [BOTH LAUGH.]
- It's delicious.
- [LAUGHS.]
Oh, he's back.
[PHONE RINGS.]
I'm sorry, but we cannot offer you a card at this time.
What? - Your credit score is less than ideal.
How is that possible? I've I've never OSCAR: I'm looking at a card in your name that was maxed out in 2002 in Nevada and has been in collection since 2003.
2002? I was 17.
Okay, it's obviously a mistake.
I ran your social twice Equifax and Experian.
ARI: Okay, I don't know those banks, and stop looking at her like that, Oscar.
Obviously, some asswipe in Nevada got a hold of her information.
Perhaps a parent opened it for you, since you were a minor at the time? [SCOFFS.]
No.
I don't know anyone in Nevada.
- I've never been to Nevada.
- Okay, you're not listening.
Oscar, just tell whoever you need to tell that my friend here has had her identity stolen.
You get this taken care of.
Stop.
Stop nodding.
It doesn't matter whether I believe you or not.
No financial institution on Earth is going to approve you.
I'm sorry.
- Where's your supervisor? - TESS: Ari.
It's fine.
Let's just go.
[TENSE MUSIC.]
Little bitch.
This is a sauvignon blanc from the Loire, which is different than one from California, which immediately loses its character in the hotter climate.
Hello? Are you listening? Yes.
Sorry.
Um - Climate, the climate.
- Sorry to interrupt.
Tess, could I cajole you into unloading a pallet in the cellar, maybe some light organization if there's time? We're right in the middle.
Howard, there must be someone else.
Must there? Shouldn't take long.
Of course.
Thanks.
- Hey, Howard? - Hm? Quick question.
Do you think, um Do you think it would be completely out of line to ask if I can use your computer for, like, two minutes, and then I'll get started in the cellar? I didn't realize we were negotiating.
It's really important.
The chair is set to a very specific height and lean.
- Please don't change it.
- Of course.
Thank you.
[SIGHS SOFTLY.]
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[SIGHS.]
M-motherfucking shit.
Ugh! [SOFT INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[CLEARS THROAT SOFTLY.]
[SIGHS.]
[RHYTHMIC PERCUSSIVE MUSIC.]
That system makes no sense [SIGHS.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
SCOTT: More.
Less.
This is good.
SASHA: Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm.
- Throw this out.
- Mmm.
Stop finger-fucking my sauces.
Hey, taste this.
- Makes you feel better.
- What do you mean, "feel better"? Ari said somebody named Oscar took all your money.
I hate working here.
[SPEAKING SPANISH ANGRILY.]
- Is he talking to me? - [SPEAKING SPANISH ANGRILY.]
His sneakers what did you do with them? Like I would touch - Move! - Sasha.
- Give him his shoes back.
- SASHA: I didn't take them.
One of them.
They're all thieves.
[SPEAKING SPANISH.]
[CHUCKLES.]
You think I can't understand you? [SPEAKING SPANISH.]
- Don't fucking touch me.
- Okay, guys, stop.
No, shit.
Dinner's up.
- Yeah, so, Sasha, shoes.
- He didn't take them.
Go to hell, Ari.
What the fuck? Hey.
How's it going? [SIGHS.]
Oh, drama in the kitchen, but, uh, you should see the wine cellar.
I'm updating the system and I feel pretty good about it.
WILL: Cool.
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
So Ari told you, huh? Great.
She just feels bad for you.
We all do.
Okay, well, don't.
It's it's not a big deal.
Having your identity stolen is kind of a big deal.
Okay, well, I'm working.
Really, does nobody work around here? Absolutely.
Yeah, in fact, I'm gonna fold napkins.
It's not what you think anyway.
[SIGHS.]
It was my mom.
I didn't even know you had one.
I mean, you just never really talk about your family or anything like that.
Yeah, well, I don't really talk to her at all.
She didn't raise me.
In fact, the only thing she knows about me is my social security and she used it to buy shit and ruin my credit.
Jesus.
Yeah.
- [SIGHS.]
- Well, my mom my mom chaperoned my prom and she made me slow dance with her.
Will I-I don't need a credit card.
I'll be fine, okay? Go.
Don't tell anyone, please.
I don't share with a lot of people.
[SIGHS.]
[KNOCKING.]
Yes? [SOFT INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
You wanted to see me? - Have a seat.
- No, thanks.
It has come to my attention there may be something between you and the new hostess.
We spend a tremendous amount of time here.
Romantic relationships between coworkers it's natural.
Understandable.
I'm going to be amending the handbook, the one you likely burned when you started.
Going forward, new policy expects employees to disclose intimate relationships with coworkers to management.
You wanna know who I'm fucking? I don't care who you're fucking.
I care about what happens in my restaurant.
I want those situations to be above board.
My priority is a safe and professional work environment.
I-I don't Sorry? I have nothing intimate to disclose.
Okay.
You can go.
[DOOR SHUTS.]
MAN: Pick up! Hey risotto's up.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
You were in the wine room? I can't find the Occhipinti.
It should be under O.
Occhipinti.
It didn't make sense to me.
- The alphabet? - The system.
It should be grouped by country based on the map, so the Italy section is now on the north wall.
Within that, it's still alphabetical.
Okay, stop.
Find the bottle for me.
Okay.
Fine, okay.
Should've just filed it under Sicily.
Oh, of course.
It should go north to south.
Thank you.
[SASHA CLEARS THROAT.]
SASHA: Hey.
Hey! You embarrassed me in front of the whole kitchen.
How could I let you talk to him like that? Him? Are you a special kind of fucking idiot? You think, poor baby Santos.
You think Sasha's just on drugs.
You think we both immigrants, so why don't we kiss under the rainbow? Listen to me, princess.
I went to college.
I speak four fucking languages, and it doesn't matter, 'cause my life is fucked.
Why, though? Why is it fucked? My visa expired, okay? Well what does that mean? It means I'm illegal like him.
Okay, a policeman catch me, and send me back, and you will never see me again.
But maybe that's what you want.
Oh, Sasha.
Come on.
Of course that's not what I want.
I just We'll figure it out, okay? But you have to give Santos his sneakers back.
I did not take his fucking sneakers, Tess.
Fine.
Whatever.
I got my own problems.
[LOUNGE MUSIC.]
The asshole in the office just gave me a lecture on who I'm sleeping with.
- Did he? - Yeah.
He's putting in some kind of new policy.
Is that right? Hm.
Well, we could be [CLEARS THROAT.]
More discreet.
You know what's funny? - I don't.
- [CHUCKLES.]
You skipped one.
A new girl.
[TENSE MUSIC.]
Tess.
Is that why she's in a mood tonight? I think she's having issues with her mom.
Mm [CLICKS TONGUE.]
I was under the impression she doesn't have a mom.
Apparently she does.
Wow, she can be strangely guarded.
Look who I'm talking to.
[MELLOW MUSIC.]
WILL: There she is.
Don't be mad.
- I told Heather.
- He told me.
Just because she's in law school - Was.
- Was in law school, and she-she knows about these things.
Seriously, the wrongful acquisition of personal data through fraud or deception for economic gain is a federal offense.
You could have her arrested.
I could have my mother arrested? Sure.
She deserves it.
How about I don't want anything to do with the woman? And in case you guys haven't got the memo, - I don't wanna talk about it.
- We're just trying to help.
Okay, well, don't.
I didn't ask for help, I don't want help, so leave me alone.
Tess, your voice is echoing down the hallway.
Uh, will you guys give us a minute? Oh, dear.
You are clearly working through some issues.
This is gonna be so much better.
Yeah, it's not only organized by country, but by region, north to south, by on the map.
You do know you're gonna have to put this back the way it was, right? You are a very private person.
Very independent.
Well, I've had to be.
I didn't exactly have a choice.
And you are better for it.
But you seem intent on doing everything yourself.
Isn't that exhausting? Yeah.
It is.
You know, letting people in isn't the same as being weak.
I just wanted a leather jacket.
And how does she still get to me? Because she doesn't know you.
She doesn't know how brave you are.
[CRIES.]
How you left her behind and everything else, and how you have done all of this on your own.
- It doesn't make a difference.
- It makes all the difference.
It means that one day, you are gonna have what you want - Even a leather jacket.
- [TESS LAUGHS.]
That's the least of my problems.
And what if one day, I want a car? Or a house? Or a plane ticket? Look at me.
Hey.
[SIGHS.]
That part is fixable.
It is all fixable, but you gotta let people help you.
Let me help you.
[SPEAKING SPANISH.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[CLEARS THROAT.]
"Dear little taco boy, I did not take your shoes.
"I believe they are very ugly, not my taste, "And "I do not steal from poor people.
"Warm regards [SAYS NAME IN RUSSIAN.]
Aka Sasha.
" Well, it seems her mother opened a card in her name.
[SOFT MUSIC.]
Y-yeah, I-I know.
I know.
But, John, they don't have any relationship whatsoever.
They haven't had contact in years and years.
It's 12 12 years? In 12 years.
Yes, this was a child who was taken advantage of.
[SNIFFS.]
Great.
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
N-no.
Her name is Tess.
Simone? I can do it.
John, h-hold on.
Here she is.
John is one of our regulars, and he is a hell of a lawyer.
Okay? He's gonna help us, and we're gonna get him a table for forever.
[LAUGHS SOFTLY.]
Take your time.
Thank you.
[DOOR CLICKS, SHUTS.]
[EXHALES.]
Hi, John.
[SPEAKING SPANISH.]
[GIGGLES.]
Oh, there she is.
- SCOTT: I smell leather.
- No.
- WOMAN: Bow and everything.
- ARI: Just open it.
Open it! Open the fucking thing.
I wanna go home.
WOMAN: [LAUGHS.]
- WOMAN: Eww.
- [LAUGHTER.]
SCOTT: Ugh.
NICKY: That doesn't look like leather to me.
[LAUGHTER.]
It's from this amazing store called our lost and found.
WILL: The good stuff gets taken in the first few hours.
That's been here for about six months.
- [LAUGHS.]
- ARI: Might wanna wash it.
- Put it on.
- Fashion show.
- ALL: Yeah.
- MAN: Put it on.
- ARI: Fashion show.
- MAN: Put it on.
- ARI: Fashion show.
- ALL: Put it on.
ALL: Put it on.
[LAUGHS.]
NICKY: Aww, it looks cute.
[LAUGHING.]
Wow.
Guys - I don't know what to say.
- Don't.
Here.
- Parents suck.
- NICKY: Hey.
Oh, I'm sorry, Nicky.
I'm sure your kids will never need therapy because their dad's a bartender.
Hey, fuck you.
Your dad hasn't called you in a year.
ARI: Fuck you.
Eight months.
He called to tell me that he had another kid that he named Ariel.
Terrible boy's name.
My parents think I'm a failure.
Yeah, magna cum laude from fucking Princeton.
Never done anything right.
William's mom got fat when he leaves home.
[LAUGHTER.]
Why would you say that? Because it's true.
She has no life without you.
I'm the only child my parents don't pester about having grandkids.
- Isn't that a good thing? - No, it's offensive.
- My kid would be fucking awesome.
- Hmm.
My mother never had a passport, and she never learned how to drive.
She hasn't once visited me in New York because I won't let her.
And my mom went for a swim and never came back.
[LAUGHS SOFTLY.]
Now it's a party.
[CLEARS THROAT QUIETLY.]
My mommy is the most fabulous person in the entire world.
- SASHA: A saint.
- Yeah, but she's in Russia.
You'll never see her again.
It's true.
Well, we're all orphans Annie.
[LAUGHTER.]
To orphans Annie? ALL: To orphans Annie.
- SASHA: Na Zdorovie.
- ALL: Na Zdorovie.
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
- SASHA: [SMOOCHES.]
You should burn that jacket.
ARIEL: Fast.
Shut, shut your eyes Let your world fade to darkness You could be the one To save the things I thought I'd for sure forever lost Skipped right out of my goddamn heart Your cousin, he's screaming 'cause The needle is following him Don't you know That's the nature of the show A needle will follow you And wake you and take you right back To the place you tried so hard To leave If you don't really Mean what you say