TallBoyz (2019) s02e02 Episode Script

1 To all the heroes on the front line, at the grocery stores, delivering our packages, thank you for always being there for us, and we promise to always be there for you.
Juggs IPA.
A proud supporter of the front line and essential workers of Canada.
You've kept cool heads now you deserve a cool one.
Here's to you.
Thank you for giving us another angle to sell our product.
Juggs IPA.
Just like Mamma used to make.
Yeah, that was fun.
Yeah, hey, you want me to drive you home? Oh, it's all right.
I got a Dad Ride.
Dad Ride? What's that? It's like Uber but with dads.
Oh.
There he is! Hey, hey, hey.
Are you Gus? Yeah, but you can call me Dad! Gus is fine.
Okay.
Let's go.
You're wasting gas.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Sit up front with the old man! What am I, your chauffeur? I mean, kinda Right? What is that car? The boys are back in town! ♪ Look, I know I'm not your real dad, but that doesn't mean we can't have fun, right? One day you'll wish you valued the time we spent together.
Uh, right.
Hey, pull my finger.
No, I'm good.
Thanks.
Come on, pull my finger! Fine.
Oh my God! Score and count the basket! You know your old man was pretty good back in the day.
I played on The Beavers.
Can we, uh listen to some music maybe? Sure thing.
I got some Rush, a Rush cover band, Rush Limbaugh on the radio.
Do you have any rap? Yeah, sure.
I got some rap for you.
Yo yo yo, what's up? MC Dad, raise the roof! You know, silence is fine.
- So, how's school? - I work as a freelancer.
Yeah, that's what I wanted to talk to you about.
Um your future.
Look, there's no shame in going back to school for sheet metal fabrication.
Dude, you don't even know me.
That's 'cause you never let me in! All right, buddy, that is enough.
Buddy? Okay, don't you 'buddy' me.
You want me to pull this car over? - 'Cause I will! - What the hell? 'Hell'? Okay, now you're swearing! All right, that's it.
Get out of here! Are you serious? Yes, I'm serious.
- You can walk home! - Jeez! Fine, you frickin' weirdo.
Oh, the F-word now? That's rich.
Close the door! You're wasting my A/C.
Man, I guess I'll just call a pool.
Are you the pool? That be I, my man.
Hop in! Okay! Oh, whoa, whoa! Okay, no runnin'! All right, take the Gardiner.
- Hey! - Morning.
Morning.
Whoa, lookin' good! Oh, same! It really suits you! - Boys.
- Hey! Oh, damn! My man! Now, that's a moustache.
Lookin' good, gentlemen.
- Hey! - Lookin' good.
Now, let's get started.
I wanted to talk a little bit about some of the Q1 numbers.
They're looking really good I I just wanted to say thank you.
Um Thank you for not laughing at my moustache.
Upon seeing all of yours, I felt like a fraud.
Less of a man.
I know what it looks like.
It's patchy and wrong on one side.
A man is not defined by the thickness of his moustache.
He's defined by how much money he can make! Or how well he can take a heart attack.
Hey, some guys can't grow a moustache.
I mean, that's just Movember for you.
Well, thank you, Sean.
Did you have a question about my moustache? I have one.
Why are you calling that shadow above your lip a moustache? I mean, it's disgusting! Okay.
Yeah, point taken.
My facial hair probably reminds you of your pubescence.
Yeah! I can see that.
But that's not the case for my people.
Our facial hair grows like the wispy wheat plains of Saskatchewan on which we live.
So our efforts certainly don't compare to yours, but isn't it our collective efforts that bring us together? Because Movember isn't about growing a thick one on your lip; it's about raising funds for a good cause.
I'm sorry, funds? You lost me.
I think, if I may, what he's trying to say is that Movember is good and fun just 'cause.
No, no, the very first ever moustache was grown in November.
That's what it's all about.
Oh, I thought it was because Burt Reynolds' birthday is in November.
Guys, I'm sorry, are you not raising funds for prostate cancer research? Pros what? Gentlemen, we owe this man a lot.
Despite him being the new employee, he found the courage to speak up.
And despite his heritage, he tried to grow a moustache, but not for you, or I but for others! Given all that, I'd call you a hero.
I don't know what I'd do if I had this man's courage.
He's been so honest, so vulnerable.
And isn't that what all men should really do? Nah.
No, I don't wanna.
It just felt like something I should say.
Next year, I think I'm gonna grow my own moustache, just like Tom! I don't care what anyone says, Speed Racer is one of the most underrated movies, ever.
Oh, agreed.
John Goodman is a tour de force! - Right! - Oh! I love that we're so in synch.
- I love you.
- Oh! And I love you exactly the same amount, which is a perfect power balance.
Excuse me, are you all finished here? - Oh, yeah.
- Great.
I'll grab the bill.
Um, listen, so I was thinking, you know, I've been staying at your place so much and a lot of my stuff's already there Do you think we should take this to the next level? I don't want to live with regrets.
Oh, I'm glad you said that.
I was so nervous about asking.
Are you all finished here? Oh, yeah.
I should have had that last bite of cake! Oh? Okay, well, it's too late now.
- So, anyway, about us - Is it? Is it too late? It's never too late.
If you really care for that cake, go after it.
You're right.
There's something I need to do that I should have done a long time ago.
What's happening? Hey, stop! Nooo! Stop that bus boy! Swish! God, I'm such a fool! I should have said something! Now it's over.
Run to her.
Uh, I meant back to your table.
I should have been more specific.
Hey, stop! Stop! Stop! Or at least slow down and throw out the cake! I'm here.
We can finally be together.
Jesus Christ, this is where you've been?! Oh! Uh I was going to come right back.
I got you a ring.
Wow.
Okay, I dodged a bullet! I do! Mmm, oh! Just got black marble flooring.
♪ My financial forecast is pouring.
♪ Counting so many stacks now it's boring.
♪ Afford a house so big ♪ I rent out my basement.
♪ I rent out my basement.
♪ Put 20% down, tenant lives underground ♪ and covers my mortgage payments.
♪ I rent out the basement.
♪ I rent out the basement.
♪ Even rappers with clout struggle to buy a house ♪ 'cause of market inflation.
♪ I rent out my basement.
♪ That's my tenant named Raymond.
♪ His wife just estranged him, so please don't engage him.
♪ Hi, I'm Raymond.
You guys want to play a game of backgammon? I think divorce really changed him.
♪ So now I'm Raymond's landlord.
♪ His earnings help me afford ♪ my cool ride, diamond slides, ♪ indoor pool with a jacuzzi inside.
♪ And just 'cause I want more money, ♪ I listed the upstairs on an Airbnb.
♪ I rent out my mansion.
♪ It's my fiscal expansion.
♪ Now I'm raking in the cash.
♪ Hope the market don't crash.
♪ I rent out my mansion.
♪ Hey, Bobby.
How's my favourite financial adviser doing? There's a pan-what-now? No more tourists? Who's gonna stay in my Airbnb?! But I have a ten-year fixed mortgage rate at 9%! No, I told you I don't watch the news 'cause it's boring! Screw you, Bobby! I got so many bills now, what can I do? ♪ I think it's time to monetize my crew.
♪ You sponges need to pay your share too.
♪ Seriously, tell me, who the hell are you? ♪ I'm gonna charge you for eatin' all my food! ♪ Now I live in a basement ♪ but I found a chill arrangement.
♪ Pay below market rate 'cause I'm Raymond's roommate.
♪ We talk on occasion.
♪ Mainly about his ex-wife named Meaghan.
♪ I rent out a basement.
♪ Night, man.
I'm going to bed.
Night, Raymond.
I rent out a basement ♪ Blake! Music! Please and thank you.
Oh, you should try stand-up.
All right, you take care, man.
- See ya.
- Vance Who the hell were you talking to? Oh, that was Paul.
He lives next door.
Wait, you know our neighbour's name? What's next, you're gonna lend him cups of sugar? I was just being polite.
I mean, you guys should try it sometime.
I live in Toronto so I don't have to get to know my neighbours.
Exactly! I mean, people can be into, like, weird stuff.
Well, Paul's an event planner who likes to rock-climb on the weekends.
See? That's weird! Look, I know you're from some backwater village or hamlet, or what's that Edmonton, exactly! Things are different here.
Guys, don't you want to be neighbourly? Why? All they do is judge how many times you order Uber Eats in a day.
Paul said your record is seven! I was in a dark place.
Guys, take in your surroundings.
You know, smile at your neighbours.
Make eye contact.
Eye contact? No way, man.
That's how people steal your soul.
No, eye contact says, "Hey, I'm a nice guy," you know? People aren't as bad as you imagine them to be.
I guess I've never done it with, like, a stranger before.
Oh, well, it's easy.
Franco, you be a stranger.
And then Tim, you be Tim.
Yes! Hello, stranger! May I make some eye contact with you? Hey! Whoa, whoa.
Okay, don't ask him.
You know, just try it.
Okay, yeah, I can do that.
Sure.
I can't do it! And I'm the alpha! No, I'm the alpha! You're right.
Guled, did you want to try? As the alpha, I must.
Looking at the knees, to the hips Passing the solar plexus and the chin and Oh! I'm doin' it! Eye contact is made! Look at the smile on his face! - Oh, your turn! - Oh! And Franco! - Whoa! - Oh? Ah! Oh, man, you're making my heart flutter.
I think you're ready for the streets.
All right! I think he's gonna be great out there.
Yeah, I mean, what's the worst that could happen? I'm doin' it.
I'm doin' it! Oh my God! Uh, my bad! We have to move! I just saw a murder! - What?! - How? I don't know.
I mean, it all happened so fast.
I was making eye contact and then It's gonna be okay.
No, it won't, Guled! He knows where we live! How? Ah, ah! Oh, it's all right, we don't lock our door anyway! I dropped my wallet.
Oh, Jesus.
Aah! That's the murderer! Oh! Hey, Paul.
Dropped your wallet and keys.
Wow, that's so nice.
Yeah, Vance was right.
People are great.
You just gotta give 'em a chance.
Dude, I literally saw this guy kill a person! Uh, Paul, I'm starting to wonder, uh What sort of events do you plan? Funerals.
Good morning.
My name is Special Agent Dan Tulley.
The Bureau assigned me to the Human Resources Department.
Welcome, Dan.
I'm Wolf.
As you know, we investigate the paranormal here.
Stuff the Bureau wants to cover up.
You okay with that? I was told we look into employee human rights complaints.
Of course! On the surface it may seem like that, but usually there's much more going on than people think.
I see things others can't.
Let's go.
I really didn't want to have to do this, but Debra, she keeps touching my afro.
I told her to stop and that it was, you know, racially insensitive, but she asked if she could do it again.
I said, "No!" - but then she said - But it's so fun! She touched it anyway.
And where is Debra? Legally, you have to point.
It says here that Debra has a Liberal Arts degree and that she's a Democratic donor.
By all accounts, an empathetic woman.
Only one possible explanation for this.
- I agree, it was racism.
- It was racism.
The Cree speak of an ancient demon who possesses women in an attempt to scalp men with their hands.
No, we do not.
- And that's also very racist.
- Yeah.
Let's just file this report under racism.
Hmm, there has to be another explanation.
No, I'm pretty sure it was racism.
I am not certain about that.
I have to do some more research, though.
I was interviewing for a job promotion and the interviewer did an "Asian accent.
" I think it was part of a joke, but I didn't really get it.
And this was an educated man; - by all accounts, socially aware? - Yes.
I think I know what happened here.
So do I.
The Vietnamese Jesus Christ! speak of a woodland creature - called the 'pho pho, ' which - We do not.
- Really? - Yeah.
I thought Okay.
- Maybe - It's racism.
Let's not get irrational and jump to crazy conclusions.
Mexican folklore tells of the Zihuatanejo, a magical imp that scampers That's the town in Shawshank Redemption.
I've never seen that movie.
Can I talk to you for a second? Listen, I know it's hard to accept the paranormal.
No, no, no, why is it so hard for you to accept what is racism? - Oh God, I see it now! - I bet you don't.
The reason I haven't been able to hear what you're saying is the pontepinto.
I learned about them from Ancient Aliens! - Goddamn it, it was racism! - It was racism! Excuse me.
We are pontepintos, and we have been monitoring everything you have said here.
And yes, this was not us.
This was totally racism! Yes, and this Earthling keeps staring at our heads.
Your hair, it looks so soft.
I just want to touch it! This isn't our hair, this is our brains.
And this is our beer! You've travelled space, now travel taste! Juggs IPA.
Suckle on some drink.
Bottoms up! Juggs IPA.
Refreshingly not racist.
He's so good, people just gravitate towards him! Oh, he's definitely great at sex.
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, right on.
- For sure.
- Absolutely! The way he moves brings master facts.
♪ 'Cause guys who can dance are good at sex.
♪ Everyone knows that skills are trans.
♪ If you're good at sex, you're the lord of the dance.
♪ Guys who can dance are good at sex.
♪ It's true! Guys who can dance are good at sex.
♪ For real.
Some might say that doesn't sound true.
♪ Some might say that's hullabaloo.
♪ But I'mma lay out where I learned those facts, ♪ from Jerry, Steve, and his brother, Jack.
♪ Guys who can dance are good at sex.
♪ That's facts.
Guys who can dance are good at sex.
♪ It's right.
So I'mma show you how to move my body, ♪ 'cause I'm ready to go home with a hottie.
♪ But when I start to do the Milly Rock, ♪ people leave the floor and the party stops.
♪ The Milly Rock didn't get them shakin' their asses, ♪ so I signed up for some dance classes.
♪ Baryshnikov is great at ballet, ♪ but that's what makes him the greatest of lays.
♪ Guys who can dance are good at sex.
♪ They're so good at sex! ♪ Guys who can dance are good at sex.
♪ Oh, baby! ♪ It's in the chorus, so you know it's true.
♪ It won't be long before I'm knockin' boots.
♪ Guys who can dance are good at sex.
♪ Click, click! Guys who can dance are good at sex.
♪ Guys who can dance are good at sex.
♪ Okay, is this all you're gonna do? Pretty much.
Okay, I'm not feeling it.
And don't let my cat out when you leave.
Oh.
There he is! Well, it looks like someone had a fun night.
Nah, she wasn't that into me.
Maybe I'll take a break from dating and work on myself.
Ah, son, there are plenty of fish in the sea.
Hey, let me give you some advice my dad gave me.
Guys who can BBQ are good at S-E-X! That's some pretty good advice.
Thanks Dad.
But they don't bite ♪ They keep things loose, they keep things light.
♪ Everybody was dancing in the moonlight.
♪ Dancing in the moonlight! ♪