That '70s Show s02e02 Episode Script
Red's Last Day
Yeah, even the radio works.
And all the doors They open.
And it's got breaks too.
Can you believe it ? My uncle just gave it to me! He gave it to me for free! That is insane.
I would pay tens of dollars for this.
Or not.
Did he own a cat ? - Yeah, I'll get an air refresher - Yeah, get a big one.
Guys,guys, this thing is like a bedroom on wheels No more, "Michael, the back seats is too small.
" "Michael, you're on my hair", "Michael, you're choking me.
" That's over.
Wow, look at this piece of junk.
This is my van.
Oh yeah ? You know, I had a four delivered van on high school.
It's a lot of fun untill somebody gets preg You gotta be carefull Mr.
Van Kelso You know what I mean? An idiot would know what you mean.
What do you mean ? Sell the van, kid.
What's that supposed to mean ? Oh, I'm happy.
You know what, shouldn't you guys be meditating or something ? Come here, Forman.
I want you to feast your eyes, on this very large and flat cargo area.
You could hide ply wood in this.
Right.
Or Donna.
Why would I want, whoa No, she won't do it in the van, she wants to be special.
What do you guys talking about ? A ply wood.
Good good.
Cause I'm not gonna do it in the van.
Oh you know, what to make it really special ? Not talking to your friends about us doing it.
Okay Eric, its your fathers last day at work, but dont mention it.
In fact, my advice to both you kids is is just eat andget out! Mrs.
Forman I could hide in the basement.
No, no, no, I am not gonna have you kids leave without your breakfast! You know whats fun? A bacon sandwich, here, you can eat it in the car! Morning! Oh, GREAT! Now your father is gonna see THREE mouths he has to feed.
Oh youre wearing your University of Wisconsin sweatshirt! Yeah mother, I went there.
No, you flunked out of there.
You know, you might as well just wear your University of I Wasted My Fathers Money Sweatshirt! Take it off! Leave it on! She lacks character Mrs.
Forman! Shut up! You are lucky to even live here! Youre an orphan.
She called me an orphan! Hey, hes not an orphan, his mom just abandoned him.
Shut Up Forman! Okay, thats it! Everybody just hide in the basement.
GO! Morning! Amen! Everybody sit and eat! How are you? Greeaaatt So uhm, what are you doing? Readinghaving some coffee Is the coffee good? Okay, everybody knows that today is my last day at work.
Last day that the plant is open.
So, I just wanna tell you all that everything is going to be great.
So Great.
Daddy, that is such good news! Can I have 20 dollars? You get in the basement! So, Jackie, what do you think?! Aw Michael, its horrible! What are you talking about?! You said it was cool on the phone Michael, but its NOT! Its horrible! I cant be seen in this, its like uhrg like having a sty! Ohohhh, this van will not be rocking Oh sure is something.
23 years of work in here and now its all gone.
Course youre gonna find work, youre a supervisor! Well uhh thats true Excuse me.
Sad as hell, aint it Red? Jee, its a real bad time for me to be getting laid off, you know my husband Bucky, his skin graft didnt take.
Yeah, thats a.
.
thats areal sad, Amy Red, Dale, Amy, hey Im stealing office supplies! Red, you didnt want your stapler did you? No Good, cause I already stole it! Hey Red, you know, were all gonna go over to Charlies for one last drink, thought maybe you could pop in for one Oh no, II dont pop DALE: Told you he wouldnt come with us, he hates us! Well I Yeah baby! Yep, you and me are going places! PAUL ANKA sings: Having my baby, its another way of saying how much I love youHaving my babyyyy Yeah! Paul Anka! Man, you kick some serious musical ass! Thank you Kelso! Man, I knew once I got my van Id be having some bitchinHollywood parties! LYLE WAGGONER: Right on Kelso! I love the van! Its a real Lyle Waggoner place to be! PAUL ANKA: Yeah, with a ride like this you must get a buttload of ladies Actually Paul, Im just with Jackie at the moment.
Just Jackie?! Huh, what are you, an idiot? Well, Lyle, Paul.
I know that a fine machine like this would well snag me lots of pelt.
But I love Jackie and a real man can deny his man instincts LAURIE: Who are yoy talking to?! HelloLauriewhat are you doing here? Im bored, theres nothing on TV.
So this is your new ride huh? It is Its really uhhh roomy ListenLaurie.
uhhh I dont think you should be in here I mean I know weve made out a couple dozen times Twice Okay.
but thats over! I sure do feel close to you Kelso! Uhhhhhaahhhhuuuuaa.
.
Listen LaurieIII.
.
dont think my girlfriend Jackie would like you sitting on me I think you like me sitting on you, in fact I know you do! Okay! But thats not the point! Shut up Kelso! This is your lucky day KELSO: Those are my pants! No! .
.
yes.
yes.
Soooo whats new? Kelso? Uhhh OOOOH MAN! I mean.
nothing! SoEric, isnt your sister hot? Nooo.
In fact Kelso I think you're the only loser here who thinks she is hot Not true, I have pictured her naked hundreds of times Just this morning I was taking a shower Come on Fez man! It is absolutely inappropriate and disrespectful to talk about how hot somebody elses sister is! No matter how bad you wanne give it to her! Right Kelso? Oh MAN! Oh man! I What is it boy? Is there trouble? Is there something you wanna tell us about Erics sister? I TOTALLY DID IT WITH HER! Im sorry man! WHAT?! I meanshe took advantage of me! Im violated! You idiot, your thumbs are still up! Huhuhh actings hard! Shut up perv! Thats my sister! Come on! I know! It was forbidden, taboo, titilating .
.
Isnt it ironic? That titilating has the word "tit" in it? Oh man, that reminds me NO SHUT UP! I swear to God, if you say one more word about my sister Im gonna tell Jackie! Man.
I forgot about Jackie Rightright.
.
you forgot you had this huge bitchy anchor tied around your neck .
.
pfrrtt.
.
it could happen So, I guess the first time it actually really happened, was when I was horsebackriding huh So, you know, I think this van could be pretty nice You know, Im glad he got it, at least its a step towards responsibility.
Maybe Michael is maturing Yeah, hang on to that dream Jackie.
Donna, Im serious! I think hes growing up! God Im so proud of him that if I werent already sleeping with him Id sleep with him! So, have you and Eric done it yet? Yeah we did it and I forgot to mention it Ah.
So whats the hold up? Whatever Itll happen when it happens Sure.
Yeah, I guess if I was Erics girlfriend, I would not be in a hurry to do it either! You know what? Maybe we should ask Kelso if we could borrow his van some night? .
Cool.
Its like a Which night? I dont know, some night? Is that like a wednesday? It could be Could tonight be some night? No.
Well I dont know, maybe You sure? Hey, where are the cushions? Look at me! Im almost 50! Youre not over 50?! RED & BRUCE: Uhh you gotta shut up! I only know how to do one thing, Ive been doing it my whole life, its not like another one of these plants is gonna open up in this craphole! How am I gonna support my family? Ahh the hell with it! At least I got you guys! I LOVE you guys! Okay, uhm, thank you for calling Amy! Yeah, bye! Eric, you have to go pick your father up at Charlies bar.
At Charlies? Oh, is he drunk? Hes not drunk, hes hes not feeling well! Reds drunk He is not! Hes just, hes not feeling well! Come on Fez, my dads drunk HE IS NOT DRUNK! HE IS NOT FEELING WELL! Michael, the cushions are really nice! Where did you get m? Uhhh, I found them Youre nesting Michael, that is SO mature! Allright, listen Jackie, we have to talk.
This van is changing me! I know Michael, I know! You do? Great! Cause I want you to be on board with what Im gonna say.
Transportation is a big responsibility That is SO true! Yeah! So Id like to see other people! No.
What I mean to say is, that you and I should see other people No.
OkayWhat if just I see other people? No.
Okay.
Okay! Hey! HEEYY! The gangs all here! How you doing Fez? Oh my God, he knows my name Hey, are those sideburns? Since 8th grade Hey, brings these guys a beer! Uh dad no, Im supposed to bring you home, Mum said so Normally youd do what your mother says.
Sometimes you know, youre a dumbass.
But mostly, your a good kid Thank yousir But his is my last day at work, I didnt get a party, I didnt get a gold watch, I aint get CRAP.
So lets drink! Hello? Hello mother? Red, Hyde, Fez, Amy : Heellooooooo motherrrrr This is your son, Eric Im not feeling well.
Ill be right there Oh Red! I love you Kitty! Uhuh.
Bartender, could I have two coffees please? Ill have two more beers! Red Okay okay, Ill just have the one beer! This isnt like you Red.
What, I cant have a beer? No, hanging around with people.
You hate people.
Ahahahahaha! Yeah I do! You know were gonna get through this? Yeah I know.
Oh heck, weve been through worse times than these! Just for the fun of it Kitty, when was that? Well I dont know.
Are you worried? Nope.
Are you worried? Naaah Im not worried Kitty.
Im too drunk to be worried.
Okay, you know what, lets turn that off! Hey, I got Amys phone number! Good for you Stephen! Well, I hope shes still pretty tomorrow! Well you know, lets just turn that Redneck Mother-song back on! Hey! God, where were you last night?! Went out and had a few beers with the old man.
It was pretty special.
Oh, cause you know, I came by.
You came by? Yeah.
I came by, cause I was thinkin, last night was THE night.
Last night? I will definitely be here tonight! - Nah tonight doesnt feel right - Right - Not the way last night felt - Oh Right Oh my god!
And all the doors They open.
And it's got breaks too.
Can you believe it ? My uncle just gave it to me! He gave it to me for free! That is insane.
I would pay tens of dollars for this.
Or not.
Did he own a cat ? - Yeah, I'll get an air refresher - Yeah, get a big one.
Guys,guys, this thing is like a bedroom on wheels No more, "Michael, the back seats is too small.
" "Michael, you're on my hair", "Michael, you're choking me.
" That's over.
Wow, look at this piece of junk.
This is my van.
Oh yeah ? You know, I had a four delivered van on high school.
It's a lot of fun untill somebody gets preg You gotta be carefull Mr.
Van Kelso You know what I mean? An idiot would know what you mean.
What do you mean ? Sell the van, kid.
What's that supposed to mean ? Oh, I'm happy.
You know what, shouldn't you guys be meditating or something ? Come here, Forman.
I want you to feast your eyes, on this very large and flat cargo area.
You could hide ply wood in this.
Right.
Or Donna.
Why would I want, whoa No, she won't do it in the van, she wants to be special.
What do you guys talking about ? A ply wood.
Good good.
Cause I'm not gonna do it in the van.
Oh you know, what to make it really special ? Not talking to your friends about us doing it.
Okay Eric, its your fathers last day at work, but dont mention it.
In fact, my advice to both you kids is is just eat andget out! Mrs.
Forman I could hide in the basement.
No, no, no, I am not gonna have you kids leave without your breakfast! You know whats fun? A bacon sandwich, here, you can eat it in the car! Morning! Oh, GREAT! Now your father is gonna see THREE mouths he has to feed.
Oh youre wearing your University of Wisconsin sweatshirt! Yeah mother, I went there.
No, you flunked out of there.
You know, you might as well just wear your University of I Wasted My Fathers Money Sweatshirt! Take it off! Leave it on! She lacks character Mrs.
Forman! Shut up! You are lucky to even live here! Youre an orphan.
She called me an orphan! Hey, hes not an orphan, his mom just abandoned him.
Shut Up Forman! Okay, thats it! Everybody just hide in the basement.
GO! Morning! Amen! Everybody sit and eat! How are you? Greeaaatt So uhm, what are you doing? Readinghaving some coffee Is the coffee good? Okay, everybody knows that today is my last day at work.
Last day that the plant is open.
So, I just wanna tell you all that everything is going to be great.
So Great.
Daddy, that is such good news! Can I have 20 dollars? You get in the basement! So, Jackie, what do you think?! Aw Michael, its horrible! What are you talking about?! You said it was cool on the phone Michael, but its NOT! Its horrible! I cant be seen in this, its like uhrg like having a sty! Ohohhh, this van will not be rocking Oh sure is something.
23 years of work in here and now its all gone.
Course youre gonna find work, youre a supervisor! Well uhh thats true Excuse me.
Sad as hell, aint it Red? Jee, its a real bad time for me to be getting laid off, you know my husband Bucky, his skin graft didnt take.
Yeah, thats a.
.
thats areal sad, Amy Red, Dale, Amy, hey Im stealing office supplies! Red, you didnt want your stapler did you? No Good, cause I already stole it! Hey Red, you know, were all gonna go over to Charlies for one last drink, thought maybe you could pop in for one Oh no, II dont pop DALE: Told you he wouldnt come with us, he hates us! Well I Yeah baby! Yep, you and me are going places! PAUL ANKA sings: Having my baby, its another way of saying how much I love youHaving my babyyyy Yeah! Paul Anka! Man, you kick some serious musical ass! Thank you Kelso! Man, I knew once I got my van Id be having some bitchinHollywood parties! LYLE WAGGONER: Right on Kelso! I love the van! Its a real Lyle Waggoner place to be! PAUL ANKA: Yeah, with a ride like this you must get a buttload of ladies Actually Paul, Im just with Jackie at the moment.
Just Jackie?! Huh, what are you, an idiot? Well, Lyle, Paul.
I know that a fine machine like this would well snag me lots of pelt.
But I love Jackie and a real man can deny his man instincts LAURIE: Who are yoy talking to?! HelloLauriewhat are you doing here? Im bored, theres nothing on TV.
So this is your new ride huh? It is Its really uhhh roomy ListenLaurie.
uhhh I dont think you should be in here I mean I know weve made out a couple dozen times Twice Okay.
but thats over! I sure do feel close to you Kelso! Uhhhhhaahhhhuuuuaa.
.
Listen LaurieIII.
.
dont think my girlfriend Jackie would like you sitting on me I think you like me sitting on you, in fact I know you do! Okay! But thats not the point! Shut up Kelso! This is your lucky day KELSO: Those are my pants! No! .
.
yes.
yes.
Soooo whats new? Kelso? Uhhh OOOOH MAN! I mean.
nothing! SoEric, isnt your sister hot? Nooo.
In fact Kelso I think you're the only loser here who thinks she is hot Not true, I have pictured her naked hundreds of times Just this morning I was taking a shower Come on Fez man! It is absolutely inappropriate and disrespectful to talk about how hot somebody elses sister is! No matter how bad you wanne give it to her! Right Kelso? Oh MAN! Oh man! I What is it boy? Is there trouble? Is there something you wanna tell us about Erics sister? I TOTALLY DID IT WITH HER! Im sorry man! WHAT?! I meanshe took advantage of me! Im violated! You idiot, your thumbs are still up! Huhuhh actings hard! Shut up perv! Thats my sister! Come on! I know! It was forbidden, taboo, titilating .
.
Isnt it ironic? That titilating has the word "tit" in it? Oh man, that reminds me NO SHUT UP! I swear to God, if you say one more word about my sister Im gonna tell Jackie! Man.
I forgot about Jackie Rightright.
.
you forgot you had this huge bitchy anchor tied around your neck .
.
pfrrtt.
.
it could happen So, I guess the first time it actually really happened, was when I was horsebackriding huh So, you know, I think this van could be pretty nice You know, Im glad he got it, at least its a step towards responsibility.
Maybe Michael is maturing Yeah, hang on to that dream Jackie.
Donna, Im serious! I think hes growing up! God Im so proud of him that if I werent already sleeping with him Id sleep with him! So, have you and Eric done it yet? Yeah we did it and I forgot to mention it Ah.
So whats the hold up? Whatever Itll happen when it happens Sure.
Yeah, I guess if I was Erics girlfriend, I would not be in a hurry to do it either! You know what? Maybe we should ask Kelso if we could borrow his van some night? .
Cool.
Its like a Which night? I dont know, some night? Is that like a wednesday? It could be Could tonight be some night? No.
Well I dont know, maybe You sure? Hey, where are the cushions? Look at me! Im almost 50! Youre not over 50?! RED & BRUCE: Uhh you gotta shut up! I only know how to do one thing, Ive been doing it my whole life, its not like another one of these plants is gonna open up in this craphole! How am I gonna support my family? Ahh the hell with it! At least I got you guys! I LOVE you guys! Okay, uhm, thank you for calling Amy! Yeah, bye! Eric, you have to go pick your father up at Charlies bar.
At Charlies? Oh, is he drunk? Hes not drunk, hes hes not feeling well! Reds drunk He is not! Hes just, hes not feeling well! Come on Fez, my dads drunk HE IS NOT DRUNK! HE IS NOT FEELING WELL! Michael, the cushions are really nice! Where did you get m? Uhhh, I found them Youre nesting Michael, that is SO mature! Allright, listen Jackie, we have to talk.
This van is changing me! I know Michael, I know! You do? Great! Cause I want you to be on board with what Im gonna say.
Transportation is a big responsibility That is SO true! Yeah! So Id like to see other people! No.
What I mean to say is, that you and I should see other people No.
OkayWhat if just I see other people? No.
Okay.
Okay! Hey! HEEYY! The gangs all here! How you doing Fez? Oh my God, he knows my name Hey, are those sideburns? Since 8th grade Hey, brings these guys a beer! Uh dad no, Im supposed to bring you home, Mum said so Normally youd do what your mother says.
Sometimes you know, youre a dumbass.
But mostly, your a good kid Thank yousir But his is my last day at work, I didnt get a party, I didnt get a gold watch, I aint get CRAP.
So lets drink! Hello? Hello mother? Red, Hyde, Fez, Amy : Heellooooooo motherrrrr This is your son, Eric Im not feeling well.
Ill be right there Oh Red! I love you Kitty! Uhuh.
Bartender, could I have two coffees please? Ill have two more beers! Red Okay okay, Ill just have the one beer! This isnt like you Red.
What, I cant have a beer? No, hanging around with people.
You hate people.
Ahahahahaha! Yeah I do! You know were gonna get through this? Yeah I know.
Oh heck, weve been through worse times than these! Just for the fun of it Kitty, when was that? Well I dont know.
Are you worried? Nope.
Are you worried? Naaah Im not worried Kitty.
Im too drunk to be worried.
Okay, you know what, lets turn that off! Hey, I got Amys phone number! Good for you Stephen! Well, I hope shes still pretty tomorrow! Well you know, lets just turn that Redneck Mother-song back on! Hey! God, where were you last night?! Went out and had a few beers with the old man.
It was pretty special.
Oh, cause you know, I came by.
You came by? Yeah.
I came by, cause I was thinkin, last night was THE night.
Last night? I will definitely be here tonight! - Nah tonight doesnt feel right - Right - Not the way last night felt - Oh Right Oh my god!