The Cosby Show s02e02 Episode Script

HEY, SON.
HEY, DAD.
AIR-CONDITIONER BREAK DOWN? NO.
ARE YOU HOT? NO.
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR, DAD? WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR? SOME FOOD.
AH! SO YOU'RE THE ONE.
WHAT? THE POWER COMPANY CALLED AND THANKED ME FOR RUNNING UP A HUGE BILL.
YOU KNOW, SON-- DOORBELL RANG THE OTHER DAY.
THERE WERE TWO PENGUINS THERE.
THEY WANTED TO KNOW WHEN YOU WERE COMING TO LOOK IN THE REFRIGERATOR AGAIN.
I'M SORRY, DAD BUT I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I WANT TILL I SEE IT.
LET ME SUGGEST THIS: I'LL GET YOUR MOTHER'S CAMERA TAKE A PICTURE OF THE REFRIGERATOR WITH THE DOOR OPEN AND THEN I'LL DEVELOP IT PUT IT UP HERE.
YOU COME DOWN, AND THEN YOU LOOK AT IT.
AND THEN YOU CIRCLE WHAT YOU WANT COME UP AND GET ME AND I'LL GET IT, OKAY? OKAY.
NO MORE PENGUINS! HI, DAD.
HI, PUD! PETER, MY MAN! WELL, HOW ARE YOU DOING? AND HOW'S THE WIFE? OH, GOOD! WHAT'S THAT? IT'S A PRESENT.
FOR ME? NO! FOR ME! IT'S MINE, MINE, MINE.
AND THE ONLY HANDS THAT CAN TOUCH THIS BELONG ON THIS BODY.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT? WHAT DID I SAY? MINE, MINE, MINE.
I DON'T WANT YOU TO TOUCH IT I DON'T WANT YOU TO PLAY WITH IT I DON'T EVEN WANT YOU TO SEE IT.
HOW MUCH WAS IT, DAD? SON, ALL I CAN SAY IS YOU'RE LOOKING AT THE TOP-OF-THE-LINE STATE-OF-THE-ART, SUPER-DUPER JUICER.
WHAT DOES IT DO? I'M GLAD YOU ASKED, MY DEAR.
PARDON ME, SIR.
( WHISTLING ) NO PENGUINS.
GOT IT, DAD.
ALL RIGHT.
NOW, MY DEAR, WE WILL TAKE THIS TURN THE MACHINE ON GET ME TWO GLASSES, PLEASE.
( MACHINE WHIRRING ) PLACE THE GLASS UNDER HERE AND WE PUT THE VEGETABLES IN THERE LISTEN TO THAT SOUND! ( IMITATES SOUND ) I LOVE THIS SOUND.
PUT SOME ICE CREAM IN IT! ICE CREAM? NO! YOU DON'T PUT ICE CREAM IN THIS! YOU PUT VEGETABLES IN IT AND THEN YOU DRINK THE JUICE.
DRINK VEGETABLES? YUCK.
OH, BOY! LOOK AT HOW BEAUTIFUL THAT LOOKS.
HERE-- RUDY, YOU'RE MY FIRST CUSTOMER.
NO, THANK YOU.
PETER! DOES THAT MEAN "NO"? OKAY.
GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY.
COULD WE GO UPSTAIRS AND PLAY? OKAY.
WHOA-OH! WHOA! STAY OUT OF THE CLOTHES CLOSET.
HEY! NO GETTING INTO THE CLOTHES HAMPER.
BHAYYY! AND NO ROLLING ANYTHING OR ANYBODY DOWN THE STAIRS.
OKAY.
OKAY.
CLAIR: HI! YOU'RE JUST IN TIME.
FOR WHAT? SOMETHING YOU DON'T WANT.
WHAT IS THIS? DEAR, THIS IS "A STAINLESS STEEL MAINTENANCE-FREE APPLIANCE WHICH PROVIDES NUTRITIOUS DRINKS FOR JUST PENNIES A DAY.
" AND IT'LL END UP WITH THE OTHER STAINLESS STEEL SELF-MAINTENANCE APPLIANCES IN THE APPLIANCE GRAVEYARD.
FOR SUNDAY BREAKFAST? YES, I BOUGHT THAT.
"I'LL MAKE WAFFLES EVERY SUNDAY!" UNTIL YOU HAD TO CLEAN IT.
AND THIS "CREPES, CLAIR-- THINK OF ALL THOSE DIFFERENT KINDS OF CREPES!" TURNED OUT TO BE NONE.
AND MOM, REMEMBER THE SAUSAGE STUFFER? DIDN'T STUFF A THING! "ET TU, BRUTE?" THERE'S TWO KINDS OF PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD: THOSE WHO BLAZE TRAILS AND THOSE WHO TRAIL BEHIND.
AND I HAPPEN TO BE A BLAZER.
BY DRINKING THIS I WILL MAKE MY BODY LEAN AND MY MIND CLEAR.
BECAUSE I THINK AHEAD.
WELL, I THINK AHEAD, TOO.
THEO, PREPARE A SPACE IN THE GRAVEYARD FOR YOUR FATHER'S NEWEST APPLIANCE.
TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF OF MY MACHINE, MAN.
( YELLING ) HEY! HOLD IT DOWN, I'M TRYING TO READ.
VANESSA? YES, MOM.
I'M GOING OUT FOR 20 MINUTES.
KEEP AN EYE ON THEM? SURE.
YOUR FATHER'S IN HIS OFFICE.
VANESSA'S IN CHARGE UNTIL HE COMES UPSTAIRS, OKAY? OKAY.
BYE, PETER.
BYE, MRS.
HUXTABLE.
RUDY, REMEMBER: VANESSA'S IN CHARGE.
YOU HEARD HER-- I'M IN CHARGE AND I WANT QUIET.
( TELEPHONE RINGING ) I'LL GET IT! THESE ARE THE WATER MARKS.
I'M GLAD YOU COULD COME ON A SATURDAY TO LOOK AT IT.
YEAH, IT'S DEFINITELY A WATER STAIN.
WHAT CAUSED IT? WATER.
YEAH OKAY.
WHAT DO YOU THINK? JUST REPLASTER IT AND PAINT IT? YOU COULD DO THAT.
IT WOULD BE WRONG, THOUGH.
WHAT WOULD BE RIGHT? WELL, THAT'S HARD TO SAY.
WHAT CAUSED IT? NO, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
COULD BE A MISSING SHINGLE.
UH-HUH.
COULD BE YOUR PIPES ARE LEAKING YOUR WOOD IS ROTTEN AND YOUR WHOLE HOUSE GONNA FALL DOWN.
WELL, THAT'S KIND OF A BROAD DIAGNOSIS.
WANT A SECOND OPINION? NO-- DR.
HARRISON SAID YOU'RE THE BEST.
DR.
HARRISON KNOWS.
OKAY, SO WHAT DO YOU THINK IT'S GOING TO COST ME? WELL, THAT'S HARD TO SAY.
CAN YOU GIVE ME AN ESTIMATE? FIGURE TIME, MATERIALS, LABOR; I FIGURE ANYWHERE BETWEEN $75 AND $1200.
AND AND THAT'S AN ESTIMATE? I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S INSIDE THAT WALL.
I SEE.
CONTRACT WORK IS NOT AN EXACT SCIENCE.
YOU HEAR WHAT I'M SAYING? I HEAR WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
OUR PROFESSIONS ARE A LOT ALIKE: WE SPEND YEARS IN TRAINING; WORK WITH OUR HANDS; WEAR BEEPERS.
OH-- I'M SORRY TO INTERRUPT.
MR.
LUCAS, THIS IS MY WIFE.
WELL, HELLO, MRS.
HUXTABLE! HELLO.
HAVE YOU FOUND OUT WHAT'S CAUSING OUR LEAK? NO, BUT I'M SURE IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT.
HOW DO YOU KNOW? I CAN TELL.
CLIFF, I LEFT VANESSA IN CHARGE TILL YOU GO UPSTAIRS.
ALL RIGHT, DEAR.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
MY PLEASURE.
CAN YOU DO THE JOB? HOW DID YOU END UP WITH A WOMAN LIKE THAT? JUST LUCKY, I GUESS.
YOU GOT THAT RIGHT! DARLENE SHOWED ROBERT THE NOTE? BUT IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE TOP SECRET! THAT'S THE LAST TIME I GIVE HER A NOTE! VANESSA HOLD ON.
RUDY, THIS IS IMPORTANT! WE'RE BORED.
SO? TELL US WHAT TO DO.
WHY SHOULD I? YOU'RE IN CHARGE.
PLAY WITH YOUR BLOCKS.
WE ALREADY DID THAT.
YOUR COLORING BOOKS! WE ALREADY DID THAT.
HOLD ON, COURTNEY.
LOOK, THERE HAS GOT TO BE SOMETHING YOU HAVEN'T DONE.
WE HAVEN'T HAD A SNACK.
GREAT! I'LL FIX YOU A SNACK AS SOON AS I'M OFF THE PHONE.
OKAY, I'M BACK.
NO, I NEVER GAVE A NOTE TO SHARON.
HOW COULD SHE SAY THAT? SHE'S GAVE ME A NOTE.
I'M HUNGRY NOW.
ME, TOO.
LET'S GO TO THE KITCHEN.
ALL RIGHT.
I'LL GET THE PEANUT BUTTER.
YOU GET THE BREAD.
WE NEED JELLY.
WE NEED JELLY! OKAY.
WE DON'T HAVE ANY JELLY.
WE CAN'T EAT PEANUT BUTTER WITHOUT JELLY.
BUT WE DON'T HAVE ANY.
LET'S NOT EAT.
WE CAN MAKE SOME.
HOW? WITH THAT.
WE'LL MAKE GRAPE JELLY.
BRING OVER THE BREAD.
READY? GO.
( SCREAMING ) WHOA! IT WASN'T ME.
WHO DID THIS? MY BET IS RUDY.
YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.
LET'S CLEAN UP.
WE SHOULDN'T TOUCH IT.
WHY NOT? IT WOULDN'T BE GOOD FOR RUDY.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? IF WE CLEAN THIS UP NOW MOM AND DAD WOULD NEVER KNOW THIS HAPPENED.
RUDY WOULD NEVER LEARN RESPONSIBILITY.
YOU'LL TELL THIS TO DAD? DAD WOULD WANT IT LEFT ALONE.
ARE YOU SURE? TRUST ME.
YOU'RE OLDER, BUT I'VE BEEN IN MORE TROUBLE.
I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
OKAY.
( WHISTLING ) NO PENGUINS.
NO WATER STAINS ANYWHERE-- LOOKS LIKE IT'S JUST YOUR OFFICE.
OKAY.
NOW-- WHEN YOUR CREW IS WORKING WILL YOU BE HERE? OH, I'LL BE HERE EVERY DAY.
HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE? THAT'S HARD TO SAY.
IT COULD TAKE THREE HOURS-- IT COULD TAKE A MONTH.
OKAY.
I SAW A CRACK IN YOUR SIDEWALK.
IT'S A LITTLE ONE.
IT'S LITTLE NOW BUT IT'S GONNA OPEN UP.
YOU WOULDN'T WANT YOUR LOVELY WIFE TO TRIP ON IT, WOULD YOU? NO.
I COULD TAKE CARE OF IT.
I BET YOU COULD.
LET ME KNOW.
ALL RIGHT.
THANK YOU, MR.
LUCAS.
WE'RE GONNA BE WORKING TOGETHER-- CALL ME SAM.
I'LL CALL YOU EVERY DAY.
I HEAR YOU.
ALL RIGHT, BYE-BYE.
IT WASN'T US.
DON'T WORRY DAD, WE DIDN'T TOUCH A THING.
WE FIGURE THIS HAS "RUDY" WRITTEN ALL OVER IT.
DAD, I THINK I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.
I KNOW WHAT I'M THINKING.
BUT I'M REAL INTERESTED IN KNOWING WHAT YOU THINK I'M THINKING.
YOU'RE THINKING WE DID THIS, RIGHT? NO.
I'M THINKING THAT I DON'T BELIEVE I'M WATCHING YOU HAVE A PICNIC IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS.
THEO SAID NOT TO CLEAN IT UP.
HE DID? WHY? I KNEW YOU WOULDN'T WANT US TO.
WHY? FOR RUDY'S SAKE.
IF WE CLEAN UP HER MESS SHE'LL NEVER LEARN RESPONSIBILITY.
OKAY.
WE DIDN'T DO IT, DEAR.
AND THEO TOLD US NOT TO CLEAN IT UP.
WHAT HAPPENED? RUDY.
WHERE'S VANESSA? I DON'T KNOW, I JUST CAME UP HERE.
I WAS AT JEANETTE'S.
I WAS PLAYING BALL.
WANT US TO CLEAN IT? NO.
NO, IF RUDY MADE THAT MESS RUDY SHOULD CLEAN IT UP.
I'M GONNA MAKE A GREAT FATHER.
DARLENE HAS ALWAYS LIKED ROBERT.
SHE JUST DOESN'T WANT TO ADMIT IT.
HOLD ON, COURTNEY.
MOM, DAD, YOU'RE BOTH HERE! MM-HMM.
CAN I STOP WATCHING RUDY AND PETER NOW? HAVE YOU BEEN WATCHING THEM? YEAH.
HELLO? HI! COURTNEY? THIS IS VANESSA'S FATHER.
VANESSA WILL CALL YOU BACK.
AND PLEASE-- DON'T CALL ASKING WHEN SHE'S GONNA CALL YOU, OKAY? ALL RIGHT, BYE-BYE.
I WAS IN THE HALL, SO I TOOK THE CALL IN HERE.
WHERE ARE RUDY AND PETER? I GUESS THEY'RE IN MY ROOM.
YOU GUESS? I HAD AN IMPORTANT CALL.
IMPORTANT.
YEAH! COURTNEY SAID DARLENE SHOWED A SECRET NOTE TO ROBERT THEN I FOUND OUT THAT SHERRY SAID I GAVE HER A NOTE BUT I TOLD COURTNEY SOMEONE MUST HAVE FORGED MY NAME.
YOUNG LADY, I LEFT YOU IN CHARGE AND THAT MEANS THAT RUDY AND PETER ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN WHO PASSED WHAT NOTE TO WHOM.
IS RUDY IN TROUBLE? RUDY'S JUST ONE OF THE TWO PEOPLE IN TROUBLE.
( PHONE RINGS ) I'LL GET IT.
NO!! VANESSA, GO TO THE KITCHEN-- THERE'S A SURPRISE FOR YOU.
YES, MOM.
HELLO-- DR.
HUXTABLE.
YES.
HOW? AND PETER'S ALL RIGHT? OKAY, HOLD THE PHONE ONE SECOND.
IT'S PETER'S MOTHER.
SHE FOUND PETER IN THE CLOTHES HAMPER.
WHEN SHE LOOKED AT HIM HE SAID, "ALL I DID WAS HOLD THE BREAD.
" I'LL GO FIND RUDY.
HI, RUDY.
I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.
WHERE'S PETER? HE WENT HOME.
HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING EITHER.
I SEE.
SO YOU AND PETER DIDN'T DO ANYTHING, HUH? WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR CLOTHES? I DON'T KNOW.
THERE'S A BIG MESS IN THE KITCHEN.
DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT? SOMEBODY HAD TO HAVE MADE THAT MESS.
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO IT MIGHT BE? THEO? NO, I DON'T THINK IT WAS THEO.
VANESSA? NO.
BUT I THINK YOU KNOW WHO IT WAS.
YOU KNOW, RUDY YOU COULD ALWAYS TELL ME THE TRUTH ABOUT ANYTHING BECAUSE I'LL STILL LOVE YOU.
MOMMY? YES? I BROKE DADDY'S JUICER.
HMM.
I BET THAT WAS REAL SCARY.
YEAH? I KNOW.
APPLIANCES CAN BE REAL HARD TO RESIST SOMETIMES.
THEY'RE SHINY, THEY MAKE TERRIFIC NOISES THEY'VE GOT THOSE BUTTONS THAT LIGHT UP.
THAT'S WHY YOUR FATHER LIKES THEM.
BUT DO YOU KNOW THAT MACHINES CAN BE DANGEROUS AND YOU COULD GET HURT? I FORGOT.
YOU FORGOT.
RUDY, WHEN WE TELL YOU NOT TO TOUCH APPLIANCES WE THINK YOU SHOULD REMEMBER.
I'LL NEVER GO IN THE KITCHEN AGAIN.
I DON'T THINK THAT'S THE ANSWER.
BECAUSE WHEN I HAVE DINNER ONE OF MY MOST FAVORITE THINGS IS LOOKING AT YOUR FACE.
ALL RIGHT, DO YOU FEEL BETTER NOW? GOOD ENOUGH TO HELP CLEAN UP? GOOD-- BUT FIRST, THERE'S ONE THING YOU GOT TO DO.
WHAT? TELL YOUR FATHER WHAT HAPPENED.
MAYBE YOU CAN TELL HIM.
NO YOU.
UH-OH.
COME ON.
DAD, ISN'T RUDY GONNA HELP ME? YES, YOU'RE DOING THE HIGH WORK; SHE'LL DO THE LOW WORK.
I JUST LEFT THEM ALONE FOR A MINUTE.
THINK WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IN A MINUTE AND A HALF.
OH, DAD.
CLAIR: CLIFF! CLIFF.
YEAH.
STAY RIGHT THERE.
SOMEONE WANTS TO SAY SOMETHING TO YOU.
COME ON, RUDY.
RUDY.
YOU WANT TO SAY SOMETHING TO ME? DADDY? YEAH.
I BROKE YOUR JUICER.
IS THIS THE SAME JUICER THAT I SAID, "DON'T TOUCH"? IS THIS THE SAME JUICER I SAID, "MINE, MINE, MINE"? ARE YOU MAD AT ME? YES, YES, YES.
I'M SORRY.
COME HERE.
OKAY.
NOW-- RUDY HUXTABLE, I HEREBY FIND YOU GUILTY OF OPERATING A HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCE WITHOUT PERMISSION.
WITH THE POWERS VESTED IN ME I SENTENCE YOU TO CLEANING UP THE LOW PART OF THE KITCHEN.
YOUR SISTER IS DOING THE HIGH PART.
CASE CLOSED.
OKAY.
NOT SO FAST.
I PROPOSE THAT MY CLIENT, RUDY HUXTABLE HAD AN ACCOMPLICE.
THE ACCOMPLICE IS IN THERE, CLEANING THE HIGH PART.
I AM NOT SPEAKING OF THAT ACCOMPLICE.
OH, WELL, HE'S STILL IN THE CLOTHES HAMPER.
THAT'S NOT WHO I AM SPEAKING OF.
WHO LEFT THE JUICER PLUGGED INTO THE ELECTRICAL SOCKET WITH THE TOP OFF? THEO.
I'LL REMIND YOU OF THE PENALTY FOR PERJURY IN THIS STATE.
DID YOU LEAVE THE JUICER PLUGGED INTO THE ELECTRICAL SOCKET? SEE, I DON'T THINK THAT JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION, PLEASE.
YES OR NO.
WHAT I'M TRYING YES OR NO.
YEAH, BUT SHE THEN YOU ADMIT IT! YOU ARE GUILTY OF CONTRIBUTING TO THE DELINQUENCY OF A SIX- YEAR-OLD.
I OBJECT.
OVERRULED.
HOW ARE YOU GONNA BE THE JUDGE AND THE LAWYER? BECAUSE I AM! WELL, THEN I THROW MYSELF AT THE MERCY OF THE COURT.
YOU ARE SENTENCED TO FIVE YEARS APPLIANCE PROBATION WHICH MEANS YOU MAY NOT BUY, LOOK AT OR TOUCH AN APPLIANCE IN THAT PERIOD OF TIME.
YOU'RE TRYING TO INFLUENCE THE JUDGE.
THAT'S 10 MORE YEARS.
I FIND YOU IN CONTEMPT OF COURT-- THAT'S 15 MORE YEARS.
DR.
HUXTABLE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I'M GOING FOR LIFE.