The Family Law (2016) s02e02 Episode Script
Season 2, Episode 2
Mum and Dad have always had different parenting styles.
Mum disciplines us using traditional Chinese techniques like passive aggression, emotional manipulation and occasional violence.
This is so good! Thank your dad.
With his shop, we can have 'dah-bin-loh' every week! While Dad takes a different approach.
- Ai, Tam, get the new one? - Mish is closer.
Hey do it for Daddy.
And get the drinks out too.
Okay! Attention, please.
Mummy has exciting news.
Look what I did today.
"Jenny Fang" "Phang".
It's Mum's maiden name.
What is that, your birth certificate? No! I changed my name back.
Deed poll.
Old name for new Jenny.
What do you think? Wait, so you're not a Law any more? Our children have that name.
I'll just tell everyone you're adopted.
You know, Mummy didn't change name to upset you.
This was something just for me.
You talk about changing your name all the time.
Yeah, when I make it in Hollywood.
It's like we're not part of the same family any more.
Hey! Nothing can break the special bond between mums and kids.
From the first day I breastfed you Mummy was all dried up, but you kept sucking anyway.
Yes, I know the story.
You were the one who told me to spread my wings.
And Mummy knows how to now.
Look! 'Touching Your Inner Goddess'.
Number One bestseller from Big W.
It's a book and two-disc set.
It's about finding your true self.
Changing name was just first step.
Mum, is a book from Big W really going to have all the answers? Everyone should read this book, not just mummies.
It can help you, you know, with this.
Not sure touching my inner goddess will help with my audition.
This book will change everything.
You'll see.
[Recording.]
Feel your inner goddess, your innate feminine divinity - Mum, I can't find my togs! - Hanging in the shower.
.
.
yearning to be pushed out from inside you.
- Nurture her protect her.
- Gross! Who left the door open? - Make time and space for her.
- Mum! The cat from next door pissed on the carpet again.
Bicarb and vinegar.
Remember - the path to discovering your inner goddess is a scenic journey - I just need some contact solution.
- .
.
not a frantic rat-race.
- Be still and centred.
- Sorry, sorry! Creating a distraction-free zone is paramount for this journey, so protect your environment and enjoy this special "you" time.
What are these? Affirmations.
- 'Joh-sun', kids! - 'Joh-sun', Mum.
- Or whatever your name is now.
- Ah, Tam At your age you should be exploring your "ocean of abundance" too.
So it says on the fridge.
We've run out of juice.
Why aren't you changed? You'll be late for school.
Chop-chop, Chinawoman! Mum, are you sure about this book? Some of this stuff is pretty out there.
That's Wayne.
Oh, so sorry, just remembered.
I used up all your petrol yesterday.
Go! Live your dreams! Tam, Tammy-Jer! Stay still.
You have something on your shirt.
Gotcha! Mum! Ai-ya, girls, be nice.
Stop pulling each other's hairs.
Remember, men will come and go but sisters are forever.
It was just a joke.
My costume! Where is it? Oh, my God, I've left it at home! Mum, we have to head back now! Ah-Ben, close your eyes and breathe.
This costume is the one thing I have over Klaus.
- If he beats me at this as well - Close your eyes.
Close! Close - Close, and breathe.
- Yes, look, I'm breathing! Now open.
Look again.
Oh, yes! Thanks, Mum.
Touching your inner goddess isn't just for women, you know.
"Embrace your divine feminine essence.
" Mum, there's four girls at home.
I basically live in feminine essence.
Good luck with your audition! Hey, guys, what are you looking at? - How was Bali? - It was so good.
So good! That monkey, though.
It basically raped your leg! So it did! That's so funny.
Your hair looks nice.
Hey, Ben! 'Boogie Nights' is a great choice, Melissa.
It really plays to your strengths.
Thanks.
'Gladiator'.
There's a raw masculinity in Russell Crowe's performance that really speaks to me.
Benjamin Law Wish me luck.
Aunty Aunty And focus on yourself.
Children need a mummy.
.
.
find herself.
Lesbian.
Oh, hey! I've been meaning to say, I like your new hair.
Thanks.
Also did you totally go up a cup size over summer? So, do you think this is a callback? Children! Good afternoon.
You have all been summoned here because you are this year's chosen few.
No Klaus, I see.
Together, you will form the ensemble - the elite of Sacred Heart College's bi-annual theatre production.
Sorry I'm late! Middle school captain's meeting.
Over the past decade this school's drama department, headed by me, has become exalted as the most critically acclaimed maker of school-aged theatre in South East Queensland.
Before I reveal this year's production, let us be clear.
The cast has not been decided.
Instead, by using the Mallory Method, the roles will reveal themselves.
But first the play.
This year, we will stage one of the greatest works of theatre ever written.
- 'Les Mis'? - An epic tale of tragedy 'Cats'.
.
.
and infanticide.
'Wicked'? The classic stage spectacular 'Medea'! It will be easier if we close the joint account and each have our own.
You only changed your name this week.
Can't this wait? Oh, good afternoon! Hello.
Sure, fine.
I have things to do anyway.
I'm on a personal journey.
Journey? Well, you have all this.
The kids have their interests.
- Why can't I have something too? - Like what? I'm working that out.
I need to find myself first.
Find yourself? You're right here! This year's play is 'Medea'.
It's a really famous Greek tragedy about a woman who kills both her babies in a fit of rage.
- Sounds like a crowd-pleaser.
- I know, right! No one's been cast yet, but I really want Jason, the adulterous prince.
I mean, it's called 'Medea', but the show's really about him.
What are you watching? Kids, Mummy's home! Oh, Mum You think this is funny? Mummy's just one big joke to you? Did you trip over your inner goddess? Hey! What if Mummy was paralysed, or broke my Inner goddess? At least Dad pays us to do stuff.
And doesn't yell at us.
Everyone in the car.
Now.
Pizza, incoming! I'm so hungry! - You're always hungry.
- Did we get garlic bread? Dad, can we play while we eat? Yeah, can we? Gor-Gor's teaching us 'Fists of Tomorrow'.
Sure, whatever you like.
No stupid rules like at your mum's place, eh, Tam? Should I get plates? No, just use paper towels.
No cleaning.
Everything in the bin.
Easy! Not everything has to be so complicated.
Hey, Laws of the Land! Hi, future husband.
Dad, maybe you should talk to Mum.
She didn't talk to anyone about changing her name.
Why should women take their husband's name anyway? It's branding us like cattle.
Well, your mum can be a bit of a cow sometimes.
- Dad - It was just a joke.
Wait, you're not going to be Mrs Wayne Kerr? Babe, that was never going to happen.
- What about hyphenating? - Kerr-Law sounds like an animal.
We could blend them.
I'm not going to be Candy Klaw.
- Okay, we're going.
- See you.
- See you, guys.
- Bye! Okay, move over! Daddy's going to play fisting game too.
- Okay.
- Here.
You think Mum will be okay? She seemed pretty upset.
She dropped you all off, remember? She'll be fine.
[Recording.]
Take your time and breathe in deep.
Centre yourself and enjoy this precious moment of stillness and quiet.
Look inward, and use this opportunity to reflect on the successes of your day, no matter how small.
Embrace the solitude and the complete control over your life that it affords you.
Mum! 'Joh-sun', kids! I've packed your lunches.
All of your favourite things.
What are you doing here? I'm taking the kids to school.
No, no.
You're on your "journey", remember? Kids, get in the car.
No, I'm already here.
It's okay, I can take them.
Come on, you kids, come with Mummy.
No, I can do this.
You "go find yourself".
Much more important.
Ah no no, no.
Kids Come on.
Time to go.
Ah-Ben Children! Welcome to the casting showdown.
Today, we will unlock the essence of you to unveil the roles you were destined for.
Today, we will be asking, who is our Medea? Who is our prince Jason? 'Medea' is a play of extremes.
Envy.
Betrayal.
Rage.
Your capacity for these emotions will be tested now.
For you to be cast in your roles, I will need to see how you respond to murder! [Screams piteously.]
Excellent.
Yes, Heidi.
Feel the cold hands of death envelop you.
Princess, Daughter of Creon.
And death.
[Screams.]
Good girl! Embrace the despair, channel the energy.
Nurse and Narrator of Medea.
[Screams.]
Chorus Chorus Chorus understudy.
Jason! Excuse me! No! Medea! It's just the friendship's not really working out.
What? So what, we just stop being friends now? I mean, it's not like we were that good friends anyway.
Jesus, Tammy, don't take it so personally.
It's just we're different people now.
Yeah, it's like, we're And you're Oh, my God, are you crying? Kirsty, she's crying! [Alarm sounds.]
What is that? My rape alarm.
Didn't Mum give you one? Oh, my God! How embarrassing! You know what's embarrassing, Kirsty? I'm Kirsty.
Whatever.
You all look the same to me.
What's embarrassing is how cool you think you are.
You think cool kids become cool adults? No! They end up marrying young and popping out non-stop babies because they have nothing better to do! And you know what? It's good you're not friends any more, because awesome people like Tam shouldn't hang out with ferals like you.
Upset my sister again, and watch out.
I'm studying how to kill children.
- Thanks I think.
- Hey, wait up! - Where are you going? - Home.
You know Mum married young and basically had non-stop babies, right? I didn't dump the kids in the middle of the night.
"Middle of the night"? It was dinner-time! You were the one who went crazy and it's my fault? Don't make the kids choose favourites! Don't abandon them when it gets difficult.
Maybe they wouldn't be so difficult if you didn't bribe them all the time.
They're our kids, not your staff! They're your kids, huh? How are people supposed to know that now? - This is about my name.
- It's not just a name.
It's like everything we had, everything we did has been erased.
That's not true! We're still a family.
And there are no sides in a family.
What's going on? We're sorry.
And we won't put you in the middle like that again.
Mummy and Daddy screwed.
- "Screwed up.
" - Oh, yeah, screwed up.
Daddy's right.
We're not perfect parents, either of us.
But we're working on it.
Is that from your self-help book? Ai, I'm done touching my inner goddess.
Does this mean no more "affirmations"? I think most were stolen from Oprah anyway.
Anything you want to say? Actually, I do.
I got Medea!! - It's the lead! - Oh, my God, I'm so proud! - Wait, you're playing a woman? - Makes sense.
I think you were right about embracing my "feminine essence".
I'm playing a mother sent insane by her terrible ex-husband.
I saw Dad kissing a woman! I'll go over and tell her right now.
No! Mum's not in a good place.
If she finds out now who knows what she's capable of? I need to find Mum a new man.
That way when she finds out about Dad, she won't care.
Benjamin, what is the most important thing an actor must possess? Quality headshots from a professional photographer.
Oh, God! Focus.
An actor must have focus.
Where is yours?
Mum disciplines us using traditional Chinese techniques like passive aggression, emotional manipulation and occasional violence.
This is so good! Thank your dad.
With his shop, we can have 'dah-bin-loh' every week! While Dad takes a different approach.
- Ai, Tam, get the new one? - Mish is closer.
Hey do it for Daddy.
And get the drinks out too.
Okay! Attention, please.
Mummy has exciting news.
Look what I did today.
"Jenny Fang" "Phang".
It's Mum's maiden name.
What is that, your birth certificate? No! I changed my name back.
Deed poll.
Old name for new Jenny.
What do you think? Wait, so you're not a Law any more? Our children have that name.
I'll just tell everyone you're adopted.
You know, Mummy didn't change name to upset you.
This was something just for me.
You talk about changing your name all the time.
Yeah, when I make it in Hollywood.
It's like we're not part of the same family any more.
Hey! Nothing can break the special bond between mums and kids.
From the first day I breastfed you Mummy was all dried up, but you kept sucking anyway.
Yes, I know the story.
You were the one who told me to spread my wings.
And Mummy knows how to now.
Look! 'Touching Your Inner Goddess'.
Number One bestseller from Big W.
It's a book and two-disc set.
It's about finding your true self.
Changing name was just first step.
Mum, is a book from Big W really going to have all the answers? Everyone should read this book, not just mummies.
It can help you, you know, with this.
Not sure touching my inner goddess will help with my audition.
This book will change everything.
You'll see.
[Recording.]
Feel your inner goddess, your innate feminine divinity - Mum, I can't find my togs! - Hanging in the shower.
.
.
yearning to be pushed out from inside you.
- Nurture her protect her.
- Gross! Who left the door open? - Make time and space for her.
- Mum! The cat from next door pissed on the carpet again.
Bicarb and vinegar.
Remember - the path to discovering your inner goddess is a scenic journey - I just need some contact solution.
- .
.
not a frantic rat-race.
- Be still and centred.
- Sorry, sorry! Creating a distraction-free zone is paramount for this journey, so protect your environment and enjoy this special "you" time.
What are these? Affirmations.
- 'Joh-sun', kids! - 'Joh-sun', Mum.
- Or whatever your name is now.
- Ah, Tam At your age you should be exploring your "ocean of abundance" too.
So it says on the fridge.
We've run out of juice.
Why aren't you changed? You'll be late for school.
Chop-chop, Chinawoman! Mum, are you sure about this book? Some of this stuff is pretty out there.
That's Wayne.
Oh, so sorry, just remembered.
I used up all your petrol yesterday.
Go! Live your dreams! Tam, Tammy-Jer! Stay still.
You have something on your shirt.
Gotcha! Mum! Ai-ya, girls, be nice.
Stop pulling each other's hairs.
Remember, men will come and go but sisters are forever.
It was just a joke.
My costume! Where is it? Oh, my God, I've left it at home! Mum, we have to head back now! Ah-Ben, close your eyes and breathe.
This costume is the one thing I have over Klaus.
- If he beats me at this as well - Close your eyes.
Close! Close - Close, and breathe.
- Yes, look, I'm breathing! Now open.
Look again.
Oh, yes! Thanks, Mum.
Touching your inner goddess isn't just for women, you know.
"Embrace your divine feminine essence.
" Mum, there's four girls at home.
I basically live in feminine essence.
Good luck with your audition! Hey, guys, what are you looking at? - How was Bali? - It was so good.
So good! That monkey, though.
It basically raped your leg! So it did! That's so funny.
Your hair looks nice.
Hey, Ben! 'Boogie Nights' is a great choice, Melissa.
It really plays to your strengths.
Thanks.
'Gladiator'.
There's a raw masculinity in Russell Crowe's performance that really speaks to me.
Benjamin Law Wish me luck.
Aunty Aunty And focus on yourself.
Children need a mummy.
.
.
find herself.
Lesbian.
Oh, hey! I've been meaning to say, I like your new hair.
Thanks.
Also did you totally go up a cup size over summer? So, do you think this is a callback? Children! Good afternoon.
You have all been summoned here because you are this year's chosen few.
No Klaus, I see.
Together, you will form the ensemble - the elite of Sacred Heart College's bi-annual theatre production.
Sorry I'm late! Middle school captain's meeting.
Over the past decade this school's drama department, headed by me, has become exalted as the most critically acclaimed maker of school-aged theatre in South East Queensland.
Before I reveal this year's production, let us be clear.
The cast has not been decided.
Instead, by using the Mallory Method, the roles will reveal themselves.
But first the play.
This year, we will stage one of the greatest works of theatre ever written.
- 'Les Mis'? - An epic tale of tragedy 'Cats'.
.
.
and infanticide.
'Wicked'? The classic stage spectacular 'Medea'! It will be easier if we close the joint account and each have our own.
You only changed your name this week.
Can't this wait? Oh, good afternoon! Hello.
Sure, fine.
I have things to do anyway.
I'm on a personal journey.
Journey? Well, you have all this.
The kids have their interests.
- Why can't I have something too? - Like what? I'm working that out.
I need to find myself first.
Find yourself? You're right here! This year's play is 'Medea'.
It's a really famous Greek tragedy about a woman who kills both her babies in a fit of rage.
- Sounds like a crowd-pleaser.
- I know, right! No one's been cast yet, but I really want Jason, the adulterous prince.
I mean, it's called 'Medea', but the show's really about him.
What are you watching? Kids, Mummy's home! Oh, Mum You think this is funny? Mummy's just one big joke to you? Did you trip over your inner goddess? Hey! What if Mummy was paralysed, or broke my Inner goddess? At least Dad pays us to do stuff.
And doesn't yell at us.
Everyone in the car.
Now.
Pizza, incoming! I'm so hungry! - You're always hungry.
- Did we get garlic bread? Dad, can we play while we eat? Yeah, can we? Gor-Gor's teaching us 'Fists of Tomorrow'.
Sure, whatever you like.
No stupid rules like at your mum's place, eh, Tam? Should I get plates? No, just use paper towels.
No cleaning.
Everything in the bin.
Easy! Not everything has to be so complicated.
Hey, Laws of the Land! Hi, future husband.
Dad, maybe you should talk to Mum.
She didn't talk to anyone about changing her name.
Why should women take their husband's name anyway? It's branding us like cattle.
Well, your mum can be a bit of a cow sometimes.
- Dad - It was just a joke.
Wait, you're not going to be Mrs Wayne Kerr? Babe, that was never going to happen.
- What about hyphenating? - Kerr-Law sounds like an animal.
We could blend them.
I'm not going to be Candy Klaw.
- Okay, we're going.
- See you.
- See you, guys.
- Bye! Okay, move over! Daddy's going to play fisting game too.
- Okay.
- Here.
You think Mum will be okay? She seemed pretty upset.
She dropped you all off, remember? She'll be fine.
[Recording.]
Take your time and breathe in deep.
Centre yourself and enjoy this precious moment of stillness and quiet.
Look inward, and use this opportunity to reflect on the successes of your day, no matter how small.
Embrace the solitude and the complete control over your life that it affords you.
Mum! 'Joh-sun', kids! I've packed your lunches.
All of your favourite things.
What are you doing here? I'm taking the kids to school.
No, no.
You're on your "journey", remember? Kids, get in the car.
No, I'm already here.
It's okay, I can take them.
Come on, you kids, come with Mummy.
No, I can do this.
You "go find yourself".
Much more important.
Ah no no, no.
Kids Come on.
Time to go.
Ah-Ben Children! Welcome to the casting showdown.
Today, we will unlock the essence of you to unveil the roles you were destined for.
Today, we will be asking, who is our Medea? Who is our prince Jason? 'Medea' is a play of extremes.
Envy.
Betrayal.
Rage.
Your capacity for these emotions will be tested now.
For you to be cast in your roles, I will need to see how you respond to murder! [Screams piteously.]
Excellent.
Yes, Heidi.
Feel the cold hands of death envelop you.
Princess, Daughter of Creon.
And death.
[Screams.]
Good girl! Embrace the despair, channel the energy.
Nurse and Narrator of Medea.
[Screams.]
Chorus Chorus Chorus understudy.
Jason! Excuse me! No! Medea! It's just the friendship's not really working out.
What? So what, we just stop being friends now? I mean, it's not like we were that good friends anyway.
Jesus, Tammy, don't take it so personally.
It's just we're different people now.
Yeah, it's like, we're And you're Oh, my God, are you crying? Kirsty, she's crying! [Alarm sounds.]
What is that? My rape alarm.
Didn't Mum give you one? Oh, my God! How embarrassing! You know what's embarrassing, Kirsty? I'm Kirsty.
Whatever.
You all look the same to me.
What's embarrassing is how cool you think you are.
You think cool kids become cool adults? No! They end up marrying young and popping out non-stop babies because they have nothing better to do! And you know what? It's good you're not friends any more, because awesome people like Tam shouldn't hang out with ferals like you.
Upset my sister again, and watch out.
I'm studying how to kill children.
- Thanks I think.
- Hey, wait up! - Where are you going? - Home.
You know Mum married young and basically had non-stop babies, right? I didn't dump the kids in the middle of the night.
"Middle of the night"? It was dinner-time! You were the one who went crazy and it's my fault? Don't make the kids choose favourites! Don't abandon them when it gets difficult.
Maybe they wouldn't be so difficult if you didn't bribe them all the time.
They're our kids, not your staff! They're your kids, huh? How are people supposed to know that now? - This is about my name.
- It's not just a name.
It's like everything we had, everything we did has been erased.
That's not true! We're still a family.
And there are no sides in a family.
What's going on? We're sorry.
And we won't put you in the middle like that again.
Mummy and Daddy screwed.
- "Screwed up.
" - Oh, yeah, screwed up.
Daddy's right.
We're not perfect parents, either of us.
But we're working on it.
Is that from your self-help book? Ai, I'm done touching my inner goddess.
Does this mean no more "affirmations"? I think most were stolen from Oprah anyway.
Anything you want to say? Actually, I do.
I got Medea!! - It's the lead! - Oh, my God, I'm so proud! - Wait, you're playing a woman? - Makes sense.
I think you were right about embracing my "feminine essence".
I'm playing a mother sent insane by her terrible ex-husband.
I saw Dad kissing a woman! I'll go over and tell her right now.
No! Mum's not in a good place.
If she finds out now who knows what she's capable of? I need to find Mum a new man.
That way when she finds out about Dad, she won't care.
Benjamin, what is the most important thing an actor must possess? Quality headshots from a professional photographer.
Oh, God! Focus.
An actor must have focus.
Where is yours?