The Job Lot (2013) s02e02 Episode Script
Series 2, Episode 2
1 Interesting.
Very, very interesting.
Very interesting.
Is that interesting, Karl? Turns out 59% of people meet their life partner at work.
~ Oh, that is interesting.
~ Really interesting.
That'sthat's over half.
~ Would you ever date anyone at work? ~ Absolutely not.
~ All right.
Well, I suppose you can never say never.
~ I can.
Never again.
Been there, done that.
~ Was this bloke at your last place? ~ Who said it was a bloke? I might have been having sex adventures with a receptionist called Monique.
That's hot.
Ow! That's hot! That's really - Oh, my Ow, that burns.
Ow.
If I was your age, Karl Trust me, mate, I am working on it.
No, if I was your age, not if I was you.
No offence, but you've absolutely no chance with her.
~ Thanks a lot.
~ Come on, Karl, she's a ten.
I wouldn't give you one and neither would she.
All day, you're gonna make it work No pay, you're gonna make it work Someday, we're gonna make this work Work Now, you probably think this is a little bit bonkers I think it's really lovely.
You didn't have to drag it in.
We've hired a hot tub for a very good reason.
Natalie, I'll let you explain.
~ We have got - ~ Jamina McNaulty's coming in.
~ Who? ~ Jamina McNaulty.
As in Midlands' power couple Jamina and David McNaulty.
She's the CEO of McNaulty Leisure, the leading manufacturer of saunas and hot tubs in the entire West Midlands.
Oh, I can't stand saunas.
It's like sitting in a burning shed.
Mate of mine services these.
You would not believe the filth people get up to under the bubbles.
Well, you don't know whose hand's whose.
Mind you, he gets 50% staff discount.
~ Will we get that? ~ Absolutely we will.
Good cos I'm after one of these.
The ten-man.
~ Then we'll need to wow her.
~ Yes, we will.
And there was pretty stiff competition for this, but Natalie managed to beat them all off.
McNaulty Leisure are advertising one job with us, but get this right and there'll be plenty more jobs for ourjobless.
~ Shall we get some nibbles in? ~ Good idea.
And Jamina will be all about power breakfasts and lunch on the go.
~ We could get some sushi.
~ Yes, that is robust thinking.
~ Karl, go and get some sushi.
~ Mm-hm.
What kind? I don't know erm just get a selection.
I've never eaten sushi.
It's like the sort of food people might eat in the future.
I will have some sushi.
OK, Jamina.
Oh, gosh ~ Can you see it from there? ~ Yep, perfect.
That's great about the 50% discount.
I'm gonna tell my mum and dad, they could get one for their patio.
Umwe're not getting a discount, I lied.
A little management tip, Natalie, if you dangle an incentive carrot, it helps keep the more difficult members of staff on side.
I'm sure you've noticed, Angela can be ~ Challenging.
~ .
.
a waking nightmare.
I don't mean to be unprofessional, but that woman is a tyrant.
Oh, thank God.
I thought it was just me she didn't like.
I'm not going to let her fudge up my chances with Jamina McNaulty.
It's too important.
~ Right, she'll be here soon.
How do I look? ~ Fine.
~ Breath? ~ That is also fine.
~ Right, I am ready.
~ Don't forget to tell her ~ about the new phone line we're having fitted.
~ Yes, the hotline.
The hot tub hotline.
The hot tub hotline! That is so on-message! News just in, deputy manager of Brownall's a bloomin' genius.
Oh, I love that! Is that a thing? Jamina, can I say what an honour it is to meet you? I've admired you from afar for so long.
Not a stalker, are you? Oh, my gosh, that is exactly my sense of humour! Now, tell me how I can realise your vision.
Well, ermTrish, I am looking for a Mandarin-speaking team leader to head up my outbound sales to China.
China? How excitingand Oriental.
~ Do they like hot tubs over there? ~ It's a very strong market.
~ There is a lot of them.
~ Shh.
~ Sorry.
~ Really need to take this.
~ Sure.
Yeah What? Erno.
No, they have invalidated the warrantee.
Well, of course it's going to clog up the filters, it's a hot tub, not a birthing pool.
Look, I've gotta go.
Deal with it, OK? ~ Sushi? ~ Oh, God, no.
Hate it.
Yeah, it's disgusting.
Dunno why I bought it.
Right, so what can you do for me? Jamina, this is where I shine.
We will advertise a position, collate, prioritise and then present you with a shortlist of applicants.
~ You can do all that? ~ We can and will and dodo that.
And will do that and more.
And if you can find me someone with a six pack I can grate cheese on and a fabulous arse, all the better.
~ If only we could put that in the advert! ~ Yeah.
I think we might get done for sexual harassment.
Oh, God, not again (!) ~ Angela, I'm in a meeting.
~ Post's arrived.
Just wanted to say, I love your hot tubs.
Very powerful jets.
And that's why we're number one in the West Midlands.
Actually, erTrish, now your PA is here, maybe we could diarise a time for me to meet the shortlist.
My PA Yep.
OK.
Angela, could you schedule a meeting with Jamina McNaulty, please? ~ Certainly, Trish.
~ Right, er ~ tomorrow at 10:00.
~ No, she's not free.
Oh, come on, Angela.
I'm sure you can reschedule whatever I've got booked.
I am not rearranging your smear.
Sothe hot tub hotline, 'ey? Yeah, it's for a job we're advertising selling hot tubs.
I could do with a career change.
Maybe I should apply.
Oh, you need to speak Mandarin.
~ Oh, OK.
What does that mean? ~ Please suck my balls.
I had a one-night stand with this girl from Beijing.
Yeahperhaps you shouldn't apply.
I'm going to need to access your junction box then, maybe later, get under your desk and inspect your socket.
Right You're talking about my vagina, aren't you? ~ All right? ~ All right? ~ Are you here to fix the new phone line? ~ Yep.
Will it take you long or will you be gone quickly? Well, actually, I'm a very fast worker, if you know what I mean? Well, let me just show you the junction box, then.
Ah, piece of piss.
Just have to wire a new line cable into the master socket.
Oh, yeah.
That's what I thought.
Might string it out though, get a good crack at Goldilocks.
Who do you mean? Natalie? She wouldn't be interested in you.
Oh, you think so, do you? You watch.
By the end of the day, I'll be wearing her like a scarf.
You can't do that.
~ Why not? ~ She's got a boyfriend.
~ So? He's not here, is he? ~ He is.
It'sit's me.
I am Me and Natalie are a couple, so oh, really sorry, you can't have sex with her.
~ You? Really? ~ Yeah.
Obviously, you can't say anything because she's deputy manager.
Technically, you're not allowed to boff your boss.
Fair dues, mate, respect.
~ I'll keep my distance.
~ Good.
Got any pictures of her tits? And what better way to test the applicants' sales skills than with an actual McNaulty hot tub? That is brilliant.
D'you know, I have my breakfast in one of these every morning.
~ Oh, that would be my dream.
~ The bubbles are very rejuvenating.
David is quite a few years younger than me, so I really do have to look after my skin.
That is uncanny! ~ I'm several years older than my boyfriend Tom.
~ No.
~ Yes! ~ I love it.
Oh, God, he really keeps me on my toes.
Well, more on my back than on my toes, if you know what I mean? Yes, I do.
Tom's unquenchable.
~ Let him drink, I say.
~ My cup runneth over.
~ Can I just say, I love your necklace.
~ Thanks, Trish! I'm hosting a little get together tonight at mine, just for a few other movers and shakers in the business world, ~ why don't you come? ~ Oh, my God, yes please.
Great! Oh, and do bring Tom.
It's not all business chat.
You know what things get like after a couple of glasses of wine.
Yes, I love wine.
And business.
~ Two teas.
~ Thank you, Angela.
And this is the McNaulty job spec, ~ can you load it up onto the system for me, please? ~ Certainly, Trish.
Actually, Angela, I quite fancy a frothy coffee now.
Oh, yes, good idea.
Angela, would you mind popping out and getting us some coffees? ~ Absolutely no problem at all.
~ Brilliant, thanks ~ Skinny decaf latte for me, please.
~ Americanoplease.
~ Do you need to write that down? ~ No.
~ I don't want you to get it wrong.
~ I won't.
God, my PA would forget her own name if she didn't write it down.
~ You wanna hold onto this one.
~ OhI will.
She puts the 'angel' into Angela.
Actuallyhon I missed a delivery.
You couldn't pick this up from the post office for me, could you? Certainly, Trish.
Well, that's me all done, then.
Good, great, well done.
Bye, then.
~ What are you doing? ~ Hmm? ~ Oh, there's a spider on your back.
~ Oh, my God, Karl! ~ Get it off, I hate spiders! ~ All right ~ Get it off! Oh, he's a cheeky one.
Ooh, he's gone down there.
~ Oh, have you got it? ~ Come on, little fella.
~ Oh, there it is.
~ Don't bring it near me! Where is it? Ooh! Where is it?! ErI think it ran away.
Oh, great.
I'll take mine to go.
~ I got you an extra biscotti.
~ Aww! Actually, while you're here, ~ you might as well give me the discount code.
~ The what? For my 50% off your hot tubs.
I've my eye on a Big Bubbler.
No, I'm sorry, sweetheart.
Discount codes are for staff only.
I did explain that to Trish.
Thanks for the coffee.
D'you like it? It's the same as Jamina's.
~ Yeah, it's nice.
~ Nice? Sorry.
I mean, you know, stunning.
Honestly, Karl, you should see Jamina's house, it's amazing.
~ I can't do the clip.
~ It's so nice to make new friends.
Tom and Jamina's husband David just clicked.
They've invited us to cycle the Tissington Trail with them this weekend.
I think we're their new BFFs.
No, Trish, I'm going to the football with Tom this weekend.
~ I already bought the tickets.
~ Karl, don't be selfish.
~ I need Tom this weekend.
~ Morning.
Have you seen these? ~ 79 applications for the McNaulty job.
~ 79? And the hot tub hotline's ringing off the hook.
This place never ceases to amaze me.
Who'd have thought there were 79 people in Brownhall ~ who spoke Mandarin? ~ They don't.
I removed that specific from the job description.
What? ~ Ow! Ow! Ow! You've caught my hair.
~ It's caught in my watch strap.
Angela, why did you do that? Because it discriminates against people who don't speak Mandarin.
~ But the job's for a Mandarin speaker.
~ Exactly.
~ You're misleading people.
~ You'd know all about that.
You led me to believe we were going to get a 50% discount.
Altering a job spec is serious misconduct.
As is lying about staff incentives.
Natalie, what the heck are we gonna do, please? You're gonna have to interview all the applicants, it's equal opportunities.
That's 79 people before tomorrow morning ~ and the hotline's still ringing.
~ Don't answer it.
If we answer it, we have to interview them.
~ I'll sort it.
~ Ow! ~ Karl! ~ Ohh.
Angela, you'll have to stay late and help with the interviews.
~ I've got life drawing class.
~ Miss it.
~ It was booked weeks ago, they won't be able to get another model at such short notice.
You can't mislead people, Trish.
It can make them very bitter.
Argh! What kind of prized prat does this? I don't know, I just found it like this.
~ D'you think you can fix it? ~ You're joking, aren't you? ~ The DN cable's blown.
~ Oh, Jesus, not the DN.
Whoever's done this needs taking out into the street and shooting.
~ All right, thanks, Paul.
~ I'll leave you to it.
I've got some cable work of my own to do.
Excuse me.
What have you done? I was just trying to disconnect the hot tub hotline.
Turns out it's not as easy as it looks.
~ Well, you've blown the DN cable.
~ I know that now.
I'm going to have to get that phone engineer back in.
Balls.
Next.
Background in sales, that's brilliant.
~ How are you with languages? ~ I speak a bit of schoolboy French.
~ How about schoolboy Chinese? ~ No.
Think you could pick it up? Ideal for parties.
Relax with your partner, invite your friends and neighbours over for fun times.
~ You are really very good at this.
~ Thanks, I used to be in sales.
Brilliant.
One other thing, you will need to learn ~ a little bit of Mandarin.
~ Mandarin? No, no, I will not work with the Chinese.
~ I'm not a racist, but ~ Thanks for your time.
I'm guessing you don't know any Chinese.
I doI know loads.
~ Really? ~ Yeah.
There's The House Of Mr Ling, Chung Wah's, Lucky Moon No, I meant do you speak any Chinese? I don't need to, it's all numbered.
Apart from Chung Wah's cos that's a buffet.
Hello, beautiful.
I'm not gonna suck your balls.
~ Oh, actually ~ You are gonna suck my balls? No.
You know you said you were looking for a change of career, why don't you interview for the hot tub job? ~ What's in it for me? ~ What do you want? I just told you in Chinese.
~ You'd have to buy me a drink first.
~ Won't your boyfriend mind? ~ My boyfriend? ~ Karl.
Don't worry, I know it's supposed to be a secret.
~ Ooh! It's gorgeous! ~ Suits you.
Mind you, I like to keep my hands free, so I prefer a strap-on.
That's a lovely image.
~ Morning.
~ Angela, hi, erm ~ .
.
would you be my PA again, please? ~ No.
All right, fine.
You're angry because I wasn't entirely honest.
~ You lied.
~ Let's not shilly-shally, ~ what's it gonna take? ~ A 50% discount on a hot tub.
Yes, but we both know that's not going to happen.
You could pay half.
I will contribute 10% towards the cost of your hot tub.
~ 50%.
~ 20%.
~ 50%.
~ 30%.
~ 50%.
~ Angela, we're bartering, ~ you have to meet me half way.
~ I'm not meeting you anywhere.
Fine, 50%.
I'll pay 50% of your hot tub.
I hope you have many relaxing hours in it.
Careful not to drown.
Don't worry, I won't be alone.
Buying a McNaulty hot tub is a lifestyle choice.
This isn't just leisure, this is all-weather leisure.
As they say in China Which means 'this hot tub will bring you happy fortune.
' Oh, my God, I want one! And I'm not talking about the hot tub.
Where did you find him? He's perfect.
~ All part of the service.
~ Congratulations.
~ The job is yours.
You are gonna make a lot of money.
~ Fine by me! I think this calls for a bit of a celebration.
~ Angela, frothy coffees.
~ Bollocks to the coffee, ~ I want some fizz with my bubbles.
~ Really? It's not yet noon.
Come on, Trish, let's have a bit of fun.
What am I thinking? I'm normally blottoed by lunchtime! Let's celebrate the start of a beautiful new relationship.
Angela, champagne.
~ Very well.
~ Actually, Andy, ~ do you think you could offer us the full wet test? ~ Wet test? Oh, yeah.
I want the complete, immersive brand experience.
You know, Andy, now that you are part of our company, you really must come round to one of my little parties.
~ Trish has been, haven't you? ~ Yes.
Loved it.
~ You OK, Andy? ~ Yeahfine.
I really love your tattoos, Andy.
Angela, I think we should be getting out and back to work.
We don't want to get all crinkly! She's not much fun as a boss, is she? Actually, she's giving me half the money towards my Big Bubbler.
Oh, well, I take it all back.
~ They're over eight grand.
~ How much? You know, Andy, with a body like that, you are gonna sell a lot of hot tubs.
Sorry, Jamina, but I think your hand might accidentally be on my penis.
Me and my husband are veryopen-minded.
Right, that's it.
I'm sorry, I can't do this.
This is not my world.
People need to be singed on and you are groping a man in a sexual water feature.
Oh, come on, Trish.
This is how business works.
Nearly all of my deals have been done in a hot tub ~ with a glass of bubbly.
~ Well, not in my job centre.
I thought you and I were friends, Trish.
You and Tom are coming cycling this weekend.
No, you'll probably lure us to some remote sex den and molest us with a bicycle pump.
Turn the bubbles off, we are getting out.
That woman treated me like a piece of meat.
You owe me.
Come on, give me your number.
No! My boyfriend's over there.
~ You know she said she'd cheat on you? ~ Hmm.
When I said she was my girlfriend, I meant - Lover, partnerbetter half.
You complete me.
I give up.
I probably need to explain.
~ You know we can't date people from work.
~ Yeah.
~ No, I didn't.
~ So I'm sorry .
.
we're gonna have to split up.
Look, the reason I said that me and you were a couple - Don't make this any worse than it has to be.
I'm just gonna go home, watch The Notebook in my PJs and cry into a tub of Nutella.
Oh, well, don't cry You're gonna watch The Notebook? I love Ryan Gosling.
I shouldn't really.
Champagne gives me terrible wind! Don't worry, Janette, let rip! Doesn't matter with all these bubbles.
Very, very interesting.
Very interesting.
Is that interesting, Karl? Turns out 59% of people meet their life partner at work.
~ Oh, that is interesting.
~ Really interesting.
That'sthat's over half.
~ Would you ever date anyone at work? ~ Absolutely not.
~ All right.
Well, I suppose you can never say never.
~ I can.
Never again.
Been there, done that.
~ Was this bloke at your last place? ~ Who said it was a bloke? I might have been having sex adventures with a receptionist called Monique.
That's hot.
Ow! That's hot! That's really - Oh, my Ow, that burns.
Ow.
If I was your age, Karl Trust me, mate, I am working on it.
No, if I was your age, not if I was you.
No offence, but you've absolutely no chance with her.
~ Thanks a lot.
~ Come on, Karl, she's a ten.
I wouldn't give you one and neither would she.
All day, you're gonna make it work No pay, you're gonna make it work Someday, we're gonna make this work Work Now, you probably think this is a little bit bonkers I think it's really lovely.
You didn't have to drag it in.
We've hired a hot tub for a very good reason.
Natalie, I'll let you explain.
~ We have got - ~ Jamina McNaulty's coming in.
~ Who? ~ Jamina McNaulty.
As in Midlands' power couple Jamina and David McNaulty.
She's the CEO of McNaulty Leisure, the leading manufacturer of saunas and hot tubs in the entire West Midlands.
Oh, I can't stand saunas.
It's like sitting in a burning shed.
Mate of mine services these.
You would not believe the filth people get up to under the bubbles.
Well, you don't know whose hand's whose.
Mind you, he gets 50% staff discount.
~ Will we get that? ~ Absolutely we will.
Good cos I'm after one of these.
The ten-man.
~ Then we'll need to wow her.
~ Yes, we will.
And there was pretty stiff competition for this, but Natalie managed to beat them all off.
McNaulty Leisure are advertising one job with us, but get this right and there'll be plenty more jobs for ourjobless.
~ Shall we get some nibbles in? ~ Good idea.
And Jamina will be all about power breakfasts and lunch on the go.
~ We could get some sushi.
~ Yes, that is robust thinking.
~ Karl, go and get some sushi.
~ Mm-hm.
What kind? I don't know erm just get a selection.
I've never eaten sushi.
It's like the sort of food people might eat in the future.
I will have some sushi.
OK, Jamina.
Oh, gosh ~ Can you see it from there? ~ Yep, perfect.
That's great about the 50% discount.
I'm gonna tell my mum and dad, they could get one for their patio.
Umwe're not getting a discount, I lied.
A little management tip, Natalie, if you dangle an incentive carrot, it helps keep the more difficult members of staff on side.
I'm sure you've noticed, Angela can be ~ Challenging.
~ .
.
a waking nightmare.
I don't mean to be unprofessional, but that woman is a tyrant.
Oh, thank God.
I thought it was just me she didn't like.
I'm not going to let her fudge up my chances with Jamina McNaulty.
It's too important.
~ Right, she'll be here soon.
How do I look? ~ Fine.
~ Breath? ~ That is also fine.
~ Right, I am ready.
~ Don't forget to tell her ~ about the new phone line we're having fitted.
~ Yes, the hotline.
The hot tub hotline.
The hot tub hotline! That is so on-message! News just in, deputy manager of Brownall's a bloomin' genius.
Oh, I love that! Is that a thing? Jamina, can I say what an honour it is to meet you? I've admired you from afar for so long.
Not a stalker, are you? Oh, my gosh, that is exactly my sense of humour! Now, tell me how I can realise your vision.
Well, ermTrish, I am looking for a Mandarin-speaking team leader to head up my outbound sales to China.
China? How excitingand Oriental.
~ Do they like hot tubs over there? ~ It's a very strong market.
~ There is a lot of them.
~ Shh.
~ Sorry.
~ Really need to take this.
~ Sure.
Yeah What? Erno.
No, they have invalidated the warrantee.
Well, of course it's going to clog up the filters, it's a hot tub, not a birthing pool.
Look, I've gotta go.
Deal with it, OK? ~ Sushi? ~ Oh, God, no.
Hate it.
Yeah, it's disgusting.
Dunno why I bought it.
Right, so what can you do for me? Jamina, this is where I shine.
We will advertise a position, collate, prioritise and then present you with a shortlist of applicants.
~ You can do all that? ~ We can and will and dodo that.
And will do that and more.
And if you can find me someone with a six pack I can grate cheese on and a fabulous arse, all the better.
~ If only we could put that in the advert! ~ Yeah.
I think we might get done for sexual harassment.
Oh, God, not again (!) ~ Angela, I'm in a meeting.
~ Post's arrived.
Just wanted to say, I love your hot tubs.
Very powerful jets.
And that's why we're number one in the West Midlands.
Actually, erTrish, now your PA is here, maybe we could diarise a time for me to meet the shortlist.
My PA Yep.
OK.
Angela, could you schedule a meeting with Jamina McNaulty, please? ~ Certainly, Trish.
~ Right, er ~ tomorrow at 10:00.
~ No, she's not free.
Oh, come on, Angela.
I'm sure you can reschedule whatever I've got booked.
I am not rearranging your smear.
Sothe hot tub hotline, 'ey? Yeah, it's for a job we're advertising selling hot tubs.
I could do with a career change.
Maybe I should apply.
Oh, you need to speak Mandarin.
~ Oh, OK.
What does that mean? ~ Please suck my balls.
I had a one-night stand with this girl from Beijing.
Yeahperhaps you shouldn't apply.
I'm going to need to access your junction box then, maybe later, get under your desk and inspect your socket.
Right You're talking about my vagina, aren't you? ~ All right? ~ All right? ~ Are you here to fix the new phone line? ~ Yep.
Will it take you long or will you be gone quickly? Well, actually, I'm a very fast worker, if you know what I mean? Well, let me just show you the junction box, then.
Ah, piece of piss.
Just have to wire a new line cable into the master socket.
Oh, yeah.
That's what I thought.
Might string it out though, get a good crack at Goldilocks.
Who do you mean? Natalie? She wouldn't be interested in you.
Oh, you think so, do you? You watch.
By the end of the day, I'll be wearing her like a scarf.
You can't do that.
~ Why not? ~ She's got a boyfriend.
~ So? He's not here, is he? ~ He is.
It'sit's me.
I am Me and Natalie are a couple, so oh, really sorry, you can't have sex with her.
~ You? Really? ~ Yeah.
Obviously, you can't say anything because she's deputy manager.
Technically, you're not allowed to boff your boss.
Fair dues, mate, respect.
~ I'll keep my distance.
~ Good.
Got any pictures of her tits? And what better way to test the applicants' sales skills than with an actual McNaulty hot tub? That is brilliant.
D'you know, I have my breakfast in one of these every morning.
~ Oh, that would be my dream.
~ The bubbles are very rejuvenating.
David is quite a few years younger than me, so I really do have to look after my skin.
That is uncanny! ~ I'm several years older than my boyfriend Tom.
~ No.
~ Yes! ~ I love it.
Oh, God, he really keeps me on my toes.
Well, more on my back than on my toes, if you know what I mean? Yes, I do.
Tom's unquenchable.
~ Let him drink, I say.
~ My cup runneth over.
~ Can I just say, I love your necklace.
~ Thanks, Trish! I'm hosting a little get together tonight at mine, just for a few other movers and shakers in the business world, ~ why don't you come? ~ Oh, my God, yes please.
Great! Oh, and do bring Tom.
It's not all business chat.
You know what things get like after a couple of glasses of wine.
Yes, I love wine.
And business.
~ Two teas.
~ Thank you, Angela.
And this is the McNaulty job spec, ~ can you load it up onto the system for me, please? ~ Certainly, Trish.
Actually, Angela, I quite fancy a frothy coffee now.
Oh, yes, good idea.
Angela, would you mind popping out and getting us some coffees? ~ Absolutely no problem at all.
~ Brilliant, thanks ~ Skinny decaf latte for me, please.
~ Americanoplease.
~ Do you need to write that down? ~ No.
~ I don't want you to get it wrong.
~ I won't.
God, my PA would forget her own name if she didn't write it down.
~ You wanna hold onto this one.
~ OhI will.
She puts the 'angel' into Angela.
Actuallyhon I missed a delivery.
You couldn't pick this up from the post office for me, could you? Certainly, Trish.
Well, that's me all done, then.
Good, great, well done.
Bye, then.
~ What are you doing? ~ Hmm? ~ Oh, there's a spider on your back.
~ Oh, my God, Karl! ~ Get it off, I hate spiders! ~ All right ~ Get it off! Oh, he's a cheeky one.
Ooh, he's gone down there.
~ Oh, have you got it? ~ Come on, little fella.
~ Oh, there it is.
~ Don't bring it near me! Where is it? Ooh! Where is it?! ErI think it ran away.
Oh, great.
I'll take mine to go.
~ I got you an extra biscotti.
~ Aww! Actually, while you're here, ~ you might as well give me the discount code.
~ The what? For my 50% off your hot tubs.
I've my eye on a Big Bubbler.
No, I'm sorry, sweetheart.
Discount codes are for staff only.
I did explain that to Trish.
Thanks for the coffee.
D'you like it? It's the same as Jamina's.
~ Yeah, it's nice.
~ Nice? Sorry.
I mean, you know, stunning.
Honestly, Karl, you should see Jamina's house, it's amazing.
~ I can't do the clip.
~ It's so nice to make new friends.
Tom and Jamina's husband David just clicked.
They've invited us to cycle the Tissington Trail with them this weekend.
I think we're their new BFFs.
No, Trish, I'm going to the football with Tom this weekend.
~ I already bought the tickets.
~ Karl, don't be selfish.
~ I need Tom this weekend.
~ Morning.
Have you seen these? ~ 79 applications for the McNaulty job.
~ 79? And the hot tub hotline's ringing off the hook.
This place never ceases to amaze me.
Who'd have thought there were 79 people in Brownhall ~ who spoke Mandarin? ~ They don't.
I removed that specific from the job description.
What? ~ Ow! Ow! Ow! You've caught my hair.
~ It's caught in my watch strap.
Angela, why did you do that? Because it discriminates against people who don't speak Mandarin.
~ But the job's for a Mandarin speaker.
~ Exactly.
~ You're misleading people.
~ You'd know all about that.
You led me to believe we were going to get a 50% discount.
Altering a job spec is serious misconduct.
As is lying about staff incentives.
Natalie, what the heck are we gonna do, please? You're gonna have to interview all the applicants, it's equal opportunities.
That's 79 people before tomorrow morning ~ and the hotline's still ringing.
~ Don't answer it.
If we answer it, we have to interview them.
~ I'll sort it.
~ Ow! ~ Karl! ~ Ohh.
Angela, you'll have to stay late and help with the interviews.
~ I've got life drawing class.
~ Miss it.
~ It was booked weeks ago, they won't be able to get another model at such short notice.
You can't mislead people, Trish.
It can make them very bitter.
Argh! What kind of prized prat does this? I don't know, I just found it like this.
~ D'you think you can fix it? ~ You're joking, aren't you? ~ The DN cable's blown.
~ Oh, Jesus, not the DN.
Whoever's done this needs taking out into the street and shooting.
~ All right, thanks, Paul.
~ I'll leave you to it.
I've got some cable work of my own to do.
Excuse me.
What have you done? I was just trying to disconnect the hot tub hotline.
Turns out it's not as easy as it looks.
~ Well, you've blown the DN cable.
~ I know that now.
I'm going to have to get that phone engineer back in.
Balls.
Next.
Background in sales, that's brilliant.
~ How are you with languages? ~ I speak a bit of schoolboy French.
~ How about schoolboy Chinese? ~ No.
Think you could pick it up? Ideal for parties.
Relax with your partner, invite your friends and neighbours over for fun times.
~ You are really very good at this.
~ Thanks, I used to be in sales.
Brilliant.
One other thing, you will need to learn ~ a little bit of Mandarin.
~ Mandarin? No, no, I will not work with the Chinese.
~ I'm not a racist, but ~ Thanks for your time.
I'm guessing you don't know any Chinese.
I doI know loads.
~ Really? ~ Yeah.
There's The House Of Mr Ling, Chung Wah's, Lucky Moon No, I meant do you speak any Chinese? I don't need to, it's all numbered.
Apart from Chung Wah's cos that's a buffet.
Hello, beautiful.
I'm not gonna suck your balls.
~ Oh, actually ~ You are gonna suck my balls? No.
You know you said you were looking for a change of career, why don't you interview for the hot tub job? ~ What's in it for me? ~ What do you want? I just told you in Chinese.
~ You'd have to buy me a drink first.
~ Won't your boyfriend mind? ~ My boyfriend? ~ Karl.
Don't worry, I know it's supposed to be a secret.
~ Ooh! It's gorgeous! ~ Suits you.
Mind you, I like to keep my hands free, so I prefer a strap-on.
That's a lovely image.
~ Morning.
~ Angela, hi, erm ~ .
.
would you be my PA again, please? ~ No.
All right, fine.
You're angry because I wasn't entirely honest.
~ You lied.
~ Let's not shilly-shally, ~ what's it gonna take? ~ A 50% discount on a hot tub.
Yes, but we both know that's not going to happen.
You could pay half.
I will contribute 10% towards the cost of your hot tub.
~ 50%.
~ 20%.
~ 50%.
~ 30%.
~ 50%.
~ Angela, we're bartering, ~ you have to meet me half way.
~ I'm not meeting you anywhere.
Fine, 50%.
I'll pay 50% of your hot tub.
I hope you have many relaxing hours in it.
Careful not to drown.
Don't worry, I won't be alone.
Buying a McNaulty hot tub is a lifestyle choice.
This isn't just leisure, this is all-weather leisure.
As they say in China Which means 'this hot tub will bring you happy fortune.
' Oh, my God, I want one! And I'm not talking about the hot tub.
Where did you find him? He's perfect.
~ All part of the service.
~ Congratulations.
~ The job is yours.
You are gonna make a lot of money.
~ Fine by me! I think this calls for a bit of a celebration.
~ Angela, frothy coffees.
~ Bollocks to the coffee, ~ I want some fizz with my bubbles.
~ Really? It's not yet noon.
Come on, Trish, let's have a bit of fun.
What am I thinking? I'm normally blottoed by lunchtime! Let's celebrate the start of a beautiful new relationship.
Angela, champagne.
~ Very well.
~ Actually, Andy, ~ do you think you could offer us the full wet test? ~ Wet test? Oh, yeah.
I want the complete, immersive brand experience.
You know, Andy, now that you are part of our company, you really must come round to one of my little parties.
~ Trish has been, haven't you? ~ Yes.
Loved it.
~ You OK, Andy? ~ Yeahfine.
I really love your tattoos, Andy.
Angela, I think we should be getting out and back to work.
We don't want to get all crinkly! She's not much fun as a boss, is she? Actually, she's giving me half the money towards my Big Bubbler.
Oh, well, I take it all back.
~ They're over eight grand.
~ How much? You know, Andy, with a body like that, you are gonna sell a lot of hot tubs.
Sorry, Jamina, but I think your hand might accidentally be on my penis.
Me and my husband are veryopen-minded.
Right, that's it.
I'm sorry, I can't do this.
This is not my world.
People need to be singed on and you are groping a man in a sexual water feature.
Oh, come on, Trish.
This is how business works.
Nearly all of my deals have been done in a hot tub ~ with a glass of bubbly.
~ Well, not in my job centre.
I thought you and I were friends, Trish.
You and Tom are coming cycling this weekend.
No, you'll probably lure us to some remote sex den and molest us with a bicycle pump.
Turn the bubbles off, we are getting out.
That woman treated me like a piece of meat.
You owe me.
Come on, give me your number.
No! My boyfriend's over there.
~ You know she said she'd cheat on you? ~ Hmm.
When I said she was my girlfriend, I meant - Lover, partnerbetter half.
You complete me.
I give up.
I probably need to explain.
~ You know we can't date people from work.
~ Yeah.
~ No, I didn't.
~ So I'm sorry .
.
we're gonna have to split up.
Look, the reason I said that me and you were a couple - Don't make this any worse than it has to be.
I'm just gonna go home, watch The Notebook in my PJs and cry into a tub of Nutella.
Oh, well, don't cry You're gonna watch The Notebook? I love Ryan Gosling.
I shouldn't really.
Champagne gives me terrible wind! Don't worry, Janette, let rip! Doesn't matter with all these bubbles.