The L Word s02e02 Episode Script
Lap Dance
Previously, on "The L Word.
" So if it's just a sex thing then, you can, get it under control, right? - It is completely and totally over.
- Did you fuck all night before you told her I was the love of your life this morning?! - Looks like I'm having this baby on my own.
- And your OK with that.
I want this baby more than ever.
I know it's not my place to judge you and I don't know what's going on with you and Jenny - .
.
but I think this is wrong.
- Did you guys hear what happened to Marina? - What? - A nervous breakdown, complete and total.
- I just wanna say goodbye.
- Yeah, you going somewhere? - Ohio, I took a job there.
- Im leaving the day after tomorrow.
You should stay here.
Take over the lease.
Can't afford the rent on this house.
- Kit, I dont have fifty thousand dollars.
- Ivans the only one that -who could possibly - Ivan is not a good idea.
- Not yet.
Ivan.
I'm a little early! I didn't see anything.
You don't think that you could've changed your plan a little bit? I don't have a plan.
That's the point.
- Is that good? - That's really good.
Tim.
Don't leave.
Where's Claybourne? Oh! Claybourne! Claybourne! Fuck! Oh! It was, uh, Bette's house.
She bought it before we met.
But she put me on the title after I moved in.
Did you contribute to the mortgage payments? I offered, but Bette never wanted me to.
I made pretty good money as a Development Executive, but not as much as Bette and she insisted on paying the mortgage.
And you always did what Bette wanted? No.
Did you pay for anything? I uh, paid for utilities and I .
.
paid for the food.
Although most of the utilities are in Bette's name.
Well of course they are.
That's the way she wanted it.
Why should the little wife have to put her name on anything? That's absolutely not the case.
I .
.
just never bothered to change it.
Look, I don't even know why I'm here.
I'm not going after Bette's money.
- If we wind up in court - - Wind up in court? Whoa! I don't wanna be here.
She had to do something, so I hooked her up.
With a lawyer? Joyce Wischnia is the leading gay civil rights attorney in L.
A.
Jesus, Al, you and your fucking "best of" lists.
Bette and Tina don't need that.
Well, I wasn't really thinking about Bette, I was thinking about Tina.
- Fine.
What do you think she needs? - I don't know.
A lap dance, maybe.
Not a fucking lawyer.
- Closed? - What? Shit.
Do you want me to tell you why you need a lawyer? Okay.
Because in the eyes of the world, especially the world as embodied by the courts, .
.
you are shit.
You gave up your autonomy in a relationship that the law doesn't recognize.
- And your ex controls everything.
- She always said what's hers is mine.
Doesn't matter whose name it was in.
If I needed money in my checking account, I just took it from savings; I was authorized on the account.
I never had to ask her for anything.
- Does it bother you if I smoke? - I really wish that you wouldn't.
If you don't mind.
Okay.
Okay.
Let's review the facts.
- Did you give up your career at her urging? - Yes.
Did you make a home for her, did you cook, decorate, entertain, .
.
fill the house with liveliness and warmth? Yes.
Okay.
Did you offer your womb to give birth to her child? Bette doesn't know about this.
I mean, nobody knows about this.
- You're kidding.
- I just started showing.
I had a miscarriage about five months ago.
Bette didn't handle it so well.
I didn't want her to have to go through it again.
So you went and got inseminated on your own, and you're protecting her until you're sure it's going to stick.
Yeah.
And then she cheated on you.
She spread her legs for another woman.
- Could you please not say that? - It's true! Deal with it.
- Doesn't it make you angry? - Fuck, yes.
So what do you want? Take responsibility for yourself.
Get what you rightfully deserve.
And don't let Bette decide that for you.
Look, Tina.
I am not a marriage wrecker.
If you want to get back together with Bette do you? - I don't know.
- Well, either way.
You have to come to this from a position of strength.
Whether or not you and Bette eventuall reconcile - especially if you decide to get back together and rebuild your relationship? First, you need to have your autonomy.
- Can you see why? - Yes, I can see why.
- I want my autonomy.
- Okay.
Who's Bette's lawyer? The - the, the, Somalian Headtrip, the espresso of the day.
I - is that different from a regular shot? - No.
- It's not.
- No.
Okay.
Well then, can I have two of whichever's strongest.
- Okay.
- Okay? And can I have it filled in a - tall cup, halfway? Okay.
Any flavoring? What? In my coffee? What the fuck is he talking about with the flavoring? Hey! Guys.
- Sorry, can you excuse us? - Sorry.
Excuse me- Shane does not know what she's doing here.
What do you normally have at The Planet? A double shot.
Give the woman a baby mindblower with an extra hit of espresso.
You're gonna need the extra hit, Shane.
I mean, even though they call it the mindblower, it's still not as strong as Planet coffee.
We will each have a toffee nut caramel soy far-out frappe.
You don't mind, right? Since we're here? - A toffee nut soy - Far-out frappe.
- Far-out frappe.
That's that's intense, Tonya.
That's what I'm in the mood for.
Dana didn't really say that she as in the mood for one, though.
No, but she likes what I like.
She always wants what I want more than what she wants.
Right? - It's true, I do.
- So nice.
- So lesbian.
Ivan's not calling me back.
Ivan, uh, doesn't wanna talk.
Just tell me where sh - he is.
I've been to the apartment, he's not there.
He's got a cabin in Idyllwild.
- He's got a cabin? - Yeah.
Yeah.
Ivan's got a cabin.
Yeah.
Yeah, dude's set up.
Hey, I, you know, I appreciate you being protective but it - it's not what you think.
I really care for Ivan.
Sure.
I need to talk to him.
You know, what happened, you know, with the two of you? - When I saw her? - When you saw her.
Yeah.
Oh, I knew I shouldn't have busted in, I should've waited.
It was bad.
I know it was bad for Ivan, but it was unsettling for me, too - You know, but we can get past that.
- Yeah, well, maybe not Ivan.
Ohh, it's crazy, of course we can! - Y - just - just - let me have his address, please? - Naw, you know, it'd be better to wait.
- Let him chill for a few days.
- I can't wait! Then when Ivan gets back, just don't mention it.
Like it didn't happen Dax! I can't wait.
I don't have a few days, you know what I'm sayin'? Bette, I scoured the rentals.
These guys do a lot of short stays, people coming in to do movies and that kind of thing.
Give me that! I cannot fucking afford movie star prices! Uh, sorry, no, you misunderstood.
Its crew people, not movie stars.
Oh, okay.
I'm sorry.
Go ahead.
Okay, uh - Here it is.
It's a little one bedroom over on Barham.
- In the Valley? - On the cusp.
It has a 323 area code so - - What, are you trying to make sure she leaves me? It's one of the few places that rents month-to-month.
I thought if she wants to come home after a month - - I want you to keep looking.
- Okay, I'll keep looking.
And find something nicer.
I will not have Tina living like that.
Well, uh, if you're willing .
.
if you want to sign a six month lease, I saw this little I will sign a six month lease, I don't care if I lose my money, as long as it means Tina's coming home.
Okay Here we go.
This is, uh Come in.
I thought that you would be interested to know I got a call from Tina's lawyer.
What kind of lawyer? Uh, her name is Joyce Wischnia, and she claims to specialize in civil and family matters.
- She's famous.
- I never heard of her.
She's a gay civil rights lawyer.
She was one of the first to support same-sex adoptions.
Tina and I were going to use her.
She also does estate planning and child custody, domestic partnership arrangements And separation and divorce.
The hunter and the hunted.
You have twenty minutes to write.
It's fiction.
Not an essay.
Not a poem.
Not a stream of consciousness bellow of yearning from you soul.
Where's Aaron Engleberg? Where'd you learn about violin making, Aaron? It's been passed down through my family.
My great-grandfather, my grandfather, and my father.
All are master violin makers.
Very poignant.
Lovely story, it was my favorite submission.
Thank you.
The author of Storm Seller, S- E-L-L-E-R? Hunter Kirby.
Nice use of metaphor, Hunter.
But watch out for the puns.
And tell your dad I said hello.
I will.
And, uh, my godfather says to say hello.
- Who's your godfather? - Edward.
Albee.
Where is Sarah Shuster? It's Jenny Schecter, actually.
Jenny Schecter, Sarah Shuster.
Well, well.
Miss Schecter has written a story called Thus Spoke Sarah Schuster.
Uh, yes, I realize that it's arrogant.
Well arrogant is fine.
Hubristic, .
.
overly precious bad puns are to be avoided.
Especially if someone wants to be accepted into my class.
Shall we begin? The hunter .
.
and the hunted.
This never happened.
That's it.
Put down your pens.
That's right.
And cut.
Back to first positions, please.
Oh, God.
How long have you been there? Just a, uh Just a few minutes, I saw that sexy guitar player hitting on you.
Yeah.
Listen, I hope you don't mind, your mom told me where you were.
Oh, no, no, I don't mind.
- Come with me? - Yeah.
Well, also, I wanted to apologize.
About the other night.
I was an asshole.
I know you don't want to talk to me.
Who told you where I am? Look, we need to talk so we can get this behind us.
Well, I'm busy right now.
Ivan, I need your help.
And, I know it's a bad time, but I just need 15 minutes.
No, that's okay, you know, you don't want to get involved with anybody, and that is cool.
- I'm glad it's cool with you.
- It's totally cool.
Well, it doesn't mean that we can't fuck.
You want to fuck me? Carmen? Oh, fuck.
- Ignore it.
- I, I can't.
Uh, yeah.
Go for Carmen.
I need a fresh battery, ASAP.
- Carmen? - No, no, no, wait.
Okay, yeah, right away.
What are you doing later? Oh, God, I have to go over to my grandmother's, I can't let her down.
No problem.
I could come over to your place late.
No no, my roommates are gonna be there.
Well, what about tomorrow? - No, tomorrow I'm getting a lap dance.
- Well, I could do a lap dance for you.
Yeah, I'd like that.
But, it - it's for my friend.
She just, uh, she got out of this relationship.
Yeah, those relationships.
They can really fuck you up.
Yeah.
You want a beer? You're not drinking It's non-alcoholic.
I'm not going to blow my sobriety, Kit.
Ivan, this - this doesn't have to be that hard.
I mean, after seeing you as a woman, your body's beautiful.
- I mean, unless you don't want to be - - Hey, you know, why don't you just tell me what you want from me, okay? I brought my business plan.
My sister Bette's gonna co-sign for the loan.
But the bank won't lend me the $75,000 unless I can come up with $50,000 in cash, and she - she just doesn't have it.
$50,000 dollars is a lot of money.
Tomorrow I have to meet Manfredi Ferrer, .
.
Marina's dad, and if I don't have it together then .
.
it's over for me.
Leave your business plan, I'll look it over.
- I have things I need to do now.
- Ivan Is is there a a chance? You shouldn't count on me.
Wild boar hunting.
Well, that's certainly a literal interpretation.
Glock's submission looks promising.
I like the description of the, uh .
.
lawn mower.
Always go for detail.
I see that Jenny Schecter has set her story of The Hunter and the Hunted in a carnival.
Is that a true story, Schecter? - Yes.
How did you know? - It lacks imagination.
You haven't transformed it into fiction.
Thanks for trying, people.
You'll all hear from me within the next ten days.
- Why are we doing this? - Because we want them to take part in the wedding.
We want them in the wedding photos We want your father to give you away.
Yeah, give me away.
He's probably going to disown me.
Honey, they know that we're getting married.
Don't they? Yes.
And they haven't disowned us yet have they? Pookie, the worst they can do is refuse to acknowledge us.
Which is pretty much what they're doing already, right? Yeah.
- I need you to go get ready.
- Okay.
I need you to wear your hair in a ponytail.
And let me take care of everything else.
- Okay? - Okay.
Fuck, Tina.
Your shit's everywhere.
Fuck.
- Where the fuck is Tina? - Bette.
She's not here, but you're welcome to come in.
She's at work, um - she and Oscar are in some big project - Did you know she's hiring a lawyer? She's not hiring one, she just went for a consultation.
Provide bank statements? Have the house reappraised? Supply a list of my assets? Does that sound like a consultation? She was just going to get some advice.
I thought she needed it, you know, to feel like she had some options.
- You thought? - Bette, you know what? She doesn't have any money.
She doesn't have anything of her own anymore.
You sent her to fucking Joyce Wischnia? I just suggested she see a lawyer! - Fuck you! - Fuck me?! Yeah, fuck you! Weren't you my friend? You know, I'm still your friend! I'm totally your friend, but you can be a little cruel! I've been there.
I remember.
That's low.
You and I dated for six weeks, it was never gonna go anywhere, I did us both a favor.
It's just Tina's hurting.
And I would kind of like my place back.
Someday.
Well, I'll tell you what, my friend, you can judge me all you want to.
You make me into a pariah, I fucking deserve it.
But don't you dare interfere with my life like that.
- Okay? Don't cross that line again! - I didn't mean to cross a line.
I'm sorry! - To sponsorship.
- To my little girl's brilliant career.
Is this a Skinny Russian? Well, I knew that was your drink, Sharon.
Mom? It's - it's actually Tonya that's the brilliant one.
She's the one who locked in the GM deal.
That's just the beginning.
Sharon, Irwin, do you realize what an impact Dana can have? Because she's - well, because she's beautiful.
Because she looks like the beautiful girl next door.
I think Dana's pretty near perfect.
Dana and your wife: two perfect examples of strength balanced by femininity.
Sharon, Irwin Dana and I have something we'd like to ask you.
No, I'm sorry, you cannot have the Tiffany lamps until Daddy and I are ready to downsize.
Well, you know that we've set a date.
We'd really like your blessing.
I don't know what difference that makes.
It would mean a lot.
Mom.
You know, I I really don't understand.
I mean, look at you two.
Both of you such pretty girls! And neither of you would have any trouble finding a man.
We don't want to find a man, Mom.
God! - Dana - No! It's just frustrating, you know! I - I try to tell you guys, and you just don't listen! It's okay.
Sharon, I was engaged once before.
I - I don't know if Dana told you.
No, no she didn't.
Well his name was Bayard.
He was smart and successful - he was a real estate lawyer.
He was totally in love with me.
Now, I tried really hard to make that one work.
But every night I would wake up in the middle of the night, crying.
And one night, Bayard woke up and he found me like that.
- Do you know what he did? - Damned if I do.
He got down on one knee and he said, "Tonya, will you not marry me?" "Because I know what's in your heart.
" "And I love you too much to make you unhappy.
" "Be true to yourself, Tonya.
Follow your heart.
" Am I really saving the environment if I am ordering an Awesome? Not if it's spills in your Prius.
Hi, I'm gonna try that toffee nut caramel soy frappuccino drink.
No, no, no, no.
No.
Tonya ordered it yesterday, it was lethal.
- Too bad she didn't keel over and die.
- Al Oh, I'm sorry, was that too brutally frank and honest for you? I don't know you guys, I don't trust her - .
.
and I hope Dana gets a pre-nup.
- She should go see Joyce Wischnia What? Don't get me involved in that.
Bette totally reams me for uh, suggesting Tina see a lawyer.
Well, I can't blame her.
Sorry, Tina.
Look, I've been taking care of people my whole life.
It's about time I started to take care of myself.
That's why I need a lawyer.
Yeah, but poor Bette.
Well, she's not exactly an innocent party.
I know, but you know, getting a lawyer means that things will get ugly.
Couldn't you just try to work it out together? Bette and I need to be on equal footing before there is any chance .
.
that we could work anything out.
I need my autonomy.
I don't think I wrote very well yesterday, and I think that Madame Birch didn't really like me.
She's probably jealous because you're so gifted.
And hot.
Of course.
Come on.
Come meet my friends.
Today's the day.
You're gonna love Ling-Ling.
- Okay.
Okay now, Ling-Ling - Yeah.
is - the graphic designer! Right? - Actually, not quite.
- Ling-Ling's seven months old.
- Okay.
- Her mom, Claudia, is the graphic designer.
- Right.
- And her other mother, Margaret, is the geriatric nurse.
- Right.
- Right? - Right.
Right.
Alright.
- And they have, um, an adopted Chinese baby.
- Yeah.
Okay, who else? Uh, is it - is it all gonna be couples today? Yeah.
Yeah, most of my friends are married.
They sort of, um, took care of me after, you know, Claybourne and I broke up.
They were really happy when I met you.
Does she know that we - we're having coffee? She's in Newport Beach with her family.
No, she doesn't know, but I'm not - I'm not hiding it.
So.
Well if she's at the beach, we could have just met at your place, .
.
like the good ol' days.
But we have rules and we're trying to follow them.
Does that mean that you're finding it a li - difficult No.
No, not at all, you? Piece of cake.
Come on Ling-Ling.
Come on, say your word.
Come on Ling-Ling.
Come on, say your word.
Oh, she just said her first word.
Come on, say your word.
- Do you want to have children, Jenny? - Oh, gosh.
I - I - I - I don't know.
I don't know.
You know, I - I just kind of feel like I shouldn't be thinking about it now, you know.
You've got all the time in the world.
Now Robin should probably be the first to get pregnant.
- Nora, what are you doing? - Well, you gotta get on with it.
Robin's gonna make a great mother, Jenny.
She's a born nurturer.
Yes.
She's a - she's a very kind lady.
It's, uh, a little soon for them to be talking about children, Nora.
Oh, come on, we're lesbians.
We talk about everything.
Yeah and anyway, one of the problems with Claybourne was that they didn't talk enough.
I mean, Robin didn't even know that Clayborne didn't believe in monogamy until the day of the wedding.
Did you know that Claybourne cheated on Robin at their own wedding? You should have been there.
She was stunning.
We'd like to see her in that tux again.
Thank you very much for the day.
Ah, you're welcome.
Do you want to be alone or can I come in? I don't.
I think that we need to talk.
Okay.
- Talk to me.
- I like you very much.
That's a very bad way to begin a conversation.
Okay, I'm sorry.
I'm just not ready to be married again.
Well Jen, I haven't asked you to marry me.
Robin, it's so obvious to me, that's what you want.
And I kind of feel like I don't know, that you set me up or something.
Oh, no, no, no.
No, they leapt to that conclusion 'cause that's what they want for me.
Ya know? You can't punish me just because my friends want me to find, - .
.
you know, an equitable partner.
- Okay, I'm - I'm not trying to punish you.
Look, Robin, I'm just realizing that, um, I need to I - I just need to be alone right now.
Jen, you can have time alone.
You don't have to be with me every second.
Okay, um uh I need to try and be self-sufficient.
Well, I've never really been on my own before and I think that I need to just to feel scared.
There's nothing to be scared of.
- I - I'm not a scary person.
- Oh Robin, come on.
I mean I'm - I'm so - I'm terrified of being on my own.
I just gotta make myself do it, Robin, and I can't - I can't distract myself by creating all this fucking labyrinth-like drama that I'm so good at creating and I promise you that you do not want to get sucked into my fucking bullshit.
You know what? Don't.
Okay? Don't - don't tell me what I want and don't want.
- I know what I fucking want.
- Okay, well I'm gonna speak for myself.
- Please.
- This is uh - this is what I want.
I can't believe you're doing this.
I I can't go through this again.
I don't know Robin, that's why I'm saying we should stop now before we actually go through anything.
Can I ask you something? Did I blow it by taking you to meet my friends today? No.
I think that your friends seem like really good people.
And they seem, uh very mature and very um settled in their life.
So, um you don't want to be in a relationship? No, I don't.
- You just wanna sleep with people.
Make them fall in love with you, o you can fuck with their heads.
- No, that's not what I want.
- Well, that's what you did.
Great.
That's why I think we should end this right now before I disappoint you any more than I obviously have.
Hello? This is she.
I don't think that women, especially lesbians, should exploit other women.
Well, the strippers I know do it because they love it.
Wait a minute, haven't you ever had a lap dance? Is there anyone else here who hasn't had a lap dance? Oh, my innocent little sweetie! Would you like one? That would be okay with you? Well, if Dana wanted one.
But she doesn't want anyone else's booty in her booty right now.
Do ya, Pookie? Woah.
What? Just - Dana! She's getting married! Hey.
I'm just picking up.
I'll be two minutes.
Thanks.
I don't think I want the first woman to ever touch me other than Bette - to be a stripper.
- Did I hear what I think I just heard? Bette's the only woman you've ever been with? You heard it right, missus.
We are getting you a lap dance tonight.
Here you go.
Thanks.
Hey Bette.
Bette! I'm sorry.
Thanks.
Wait, wait.
This sucks.
Yeah, this sucks.
Listen, I gotta go.
I gotta go meet Kit, so I'm just uh I'm just sorry.
I'm really sorry.
Thanks.
- Whaddaya think, huh? - I think it's hideous.
Well, they're all different, you know? Some have real boobies.
Keep looking, I'm sure you'll see some you like.
C'mon, honey.
It's good fun.
C'mon.
Well, maybe we can get Mister Ferrer to give you more time.
I can go to the bank with you and we can try again.
- Try what? - Try to get them to lend you the full amount.
I can put up some artwork as collateral.
No, I can't have you do that, it's too much.
You're already putting yourself on the line.
You know, I wouldn't be doing this if I thought I was gonna lose my shirt, okay? Thank you.
That means the world to me.
I don't think Marina's daddy's gonna give us a break.
He sounds like he wants to get this over with fast.
Hey there, good lookin'.
Can I get ya anything to drink? Thanks.
Well can I offer you anything else? I've got a lot to offer.
I'm with my friends, but maybe later.
Maybe later.
You're a player, right? Right.
Yeah.
- Oh, sorry.
- What are you doing here? - I have to go to the bathroom.
- You have to get out, that's against the rules.
- No, I have to go to the bathroom, Al.
- Are you three? Can't you hold it for a minute? No.
Fine.
Fine.
Go on.
Go on.
You guys! Hurry up! Tina's found someone she likes, I think.
- Wow! That's exciting! C'mere! We gotta be quick.
- Jesus, is that him? - Count Dracula rides a Hog? Excellent.
Maybe he's more down-to-earth than I thought.
- Ladies.
- Ivan what are you doing here I have a cashier's check for $50,000 dollars, I'm coming in as your partner.
- Oh, Ivan It's a business arrangement, Kit.
Straight up.
I'm in because I like this plan.
I'm your silent partner.
I have nothing to do with your day-to-day.
Okay? I don't need to hear from you, I won't be hanging around.
I see a statement once a month.
- But Ivan - - That's how it's gotta be.
If you want it.
Good luck.
So you wanna tell me what's going on? I dunno, supposedly Tina found a girl she likes.
No, I mean with you and Dana.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Are you guys getting it on yet, or what? No! Okay.
Okay.
We kissed! How'd you figure does anyone else know? - Doubt it.
- You're a freak, you know that, Shane? Check it out.
- Excuse me, ladies.
- Hi.
You go, girl.
Give her some encouragement, T.
Do you notice anything about her? Yeah, she looks a little bit like Bette.
I am Manfredi de la Francesco Ferrer.
Si? Oh, si, buonasera Count - Manfredi.
Si.
I don't have a lot of time, so just show me what I need to know.
The money is in place? I want a glass of wine.
Uh, red or white? Red.
French or Italian.
Not one of those California abominations.
Well I've heard that California wines are pretty good these days.
I hate Los Angeles.
I don't know why Marina came here.
This is a loan for $75,000 dollars, with a contingency.
Si? Uh, si, yes.
I have here $50,000 dollars in a cashier's check.
I think Marina felt she had a home here.
She had a lot of good friends.
Bullshit.
Who are you? Which one is Kit Porter? - I am.
- And you are? Bette Porter.
- Ahh.
Si.
You're the one.
- The one what? Such judges, you Americans.
You sit in judgment on the whole world.
Who gave you this power to judge? Now, wait a minute your highness, or whatever you would like for us to call you - Are you really such an exemplary person? Are you perfect, are you better than anyone else? No.
No, I'm not.
You're so conventional, you Americans.
Thinking one style of life is better than another? - We have so many ways.
- Look, I know that I judged Marina too harshly, - but that doesn't give you the right - - The heart is stronger than the head.
Remember.
And everyone is capable to commit a passionate crime.
And everyone deserves the compassion to start again.
Amen to that.
So how is your daughter, is she okay? - My daughter? - Marina.
Marina is not my daughter.
We are married twelve years.
Marina is my wife! And she is in a hospital in Milano, and no thanks to your friendship.
Everything looks here to be in order.
My people will call you to conclude the business.
Hey.
Hey.
So what did you all do? Nothing much.
We just hung out.
I'm glad you called me.
I was feeling pretty lonely.
- Do you want one? - No thanks.
Tina hired a lawyer, you know.
Yeah, I heard.
How did I let this get so fucked up, Shane? - Shit's not always in our control.
- I used to think that it was.
I learned early on that if you want to avoid that big mess.
that sucks and fucks with your life you just keep it simple.
You mean like sex with no emotional entanglements? Right.
That's just me.
I don't think that applies to you, you're a very well-rounded individual.
I don't know.
I think I just might like to study at your feet, Shane.
Hey.
Hey! Who's that? Oh hey! C'mon over and have a beer with us.
Okay.
Hello.
Hey.
We were just talking about sex with no emotional entanglements.
I like the sound of that.
It's not for everyone.
You know what? With the day that I've had, .
.
that sounds like that's for me.
- Cheers.
- Catching up on current events or something? Yes.
These are all the local newspapers .
.
with people advertising for roommates.
I just put this ad in Craigslist, looking for a roommate.
- I hope that I don't get a bunch of crazies.
- So, you're looking for a roommate.
Yeah.
I don't even know how to screen people, .
.
or what I should ask in rent.
- Would they get their own room? - Yeah, yeah, it's like .
.
it's a two-bedroom house.
We should talk.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
- Okay.
- Why not, right? - Yeah! - Alright.
Why are you laughing? thx to Steph's Transcripts
" So if it's just a sex thing then, you can, get it under control, right? - It is completely and totally over.
- Did you fuck all night before you told her I was the love of your life this morning?! - Looks like I'm having this baby on my own.
- And your OK with that.
I want this baby more than ever.
I know it's not my place to judge you and I don't know what's going on with you and Jenny - .
.
but I think this is wrong.
- Did you guys hear what happened to Marina? - What? - A nervous breakdown, complete and total.
- I just wanna say goodbye.
- Yeah, you going somewhere? - Ohio, I took a job there.
- Im leaving the day after tomorrow.
You should stay here.
Take over the lease.
Can't afford the rent on this house.
- Kit, I dont have fifty thousand dollars.
- Ivans the only one that -who could possibly - Ivan is not a good idea.
- Not yet.
Ivan.
I'm a little early! I didn't see anything.
You don't think that you could've changed your plan a little bit? I don't have a plan.
That's the point.
- Is that good? - That's really good.
Tim.
Don't leave.
Where's Claybourne? Oh! Claybourne! Claybourne! Fuck! Oh! It was, uh, Bette's house.
She bought it before we met.
But she put me on the title after I moved in.
Did you contribute to the mortgage payments? I offered, but Bette never wanted me to.
I made pretty good money as a Development Executive, but not as much as Bette and she insisted on paying the mortgage.
And you always did what Bette wanted? No.
Did you pay for anything? I uh, paid for utilities and I .
.
paid for the food.
Although most of the utilities are in Bette's name.
Well of course they are.
That's the way she wanted it.
Why should the little wife have to put her name on anything? That's absolutely not the case.
I .
.
just never bothered to change it.
Look, I don't even know why I'm here.
I'm not going after Bette's money.
- If we wind up in court - - Wind up in court? Whoa! I don't wanna be here.
She had to do something, so I hooked her up.
With a lawyer? Joyce Wischnia is the leading gay civil rights attorney in L.
A.
Jesus, Al, you and your fucking "best of" lists.
Bette and Tina don't need that.
Well, I wasn't really thinking about Bette, I was thinking about Tina.
- Fine.
What do you think she needs? - I don't know.
A lap dance, maybe.
Not a fucking lawyer.
- Closed? - What? Shit.
Do you want me to tell you why you need a lawyer? Okay.
Because in the eyes of the world, especially the world as embodied by the courts, .
.
you are shit.
You gave up your autonomy in a relationship that the law doesn't recognize.
- And your ex controls everything.
- She always said what's hers is mine.
Doesn't matter whose name it was in.
If I needed money in my checking account, I just took it from savings; I was authorized on the account.
I never had to ask her for anything.
- Does it bother you if I smoke? - I really wish that you wouldn't.
If you don't mind.
Okay.
Okay.
Let's review the facts.
- Did you give up your career at her urging? - Yes.
Did you make a home for her, did you cook, decorate, entertain, .
.
fill the house with liveliness and warmth? Yes.
Okay.
Did you offer your womb to give birth to her child? Bette doesn't know about this.
I mean, nobody knows about this.
- You're kidding.
- I just started showing.
I had a miscarriage about five months ago.
Bette didn't handle it so well.
I didn't want her to have to go through it again.
So you went and got inseminated on your own, and you're protecting her until you're sure it's going to stick.
Yeah.
And then she cheated on you.
She spread her legs for another woman.
- Could you please not say that? - It's true! Deal with it.
- Doesn't it make you angry? - Fuck, yes.
So what do you want? Take responsibility for yourself.
Get what you rightfully deserve.
And don't let Bette decide that for you.
Look, Tina.
I am not a marriage wrecker.
If you want to get back together with Bette do you? - I don't know.
- Well, either way.
You have to come to this from a position of strength.
Whether or not you and Bette eventuall reconcile - especially if you decide to get back together and rebuild your relationship? First, you need to have your autonomy.
- Can you see why? - Yes, I can see why.
- I want my autonomy.
- Okay.
Who's Bette's lawyer? The - the, the, Somalian Headtrip, the espresso of the day.
I - is that different from a regular shot? - No.
- It's not.
- No.
Okay.
Well then, can I have two of whichever's strongest.
- Okay.
- Okay? And can I have it filled in a - tall cup, halfway? Okay.
Any flavoring? What? In my coffee? What the fuck is he talking about with the flavoring? Hey! Guys.
- Sorry, can you excuse us? - Sorry.
Excuse me- Shane does not know what she's doing here.
What do you normally have at The Planet? A double shot.
Give the woman a baby mindblower with an extra hit of espresso.
You're gonna need the extra hit, Shane.
I mean, even though they call it the mindblower, it's still not as strong as Planet coffee.
We will each have a toffee nut caramel soy far-out frappe.
You don't mind, right? Since we're here? - A toffee nut soy - Far-out frappe.
- Far-out frappe.
That's that's intense, Tonya.
That's what I'm in the mood for.
Dana didn't really say that she as in the mood for one, though.
No, but she likes what I like.
She always wants what I want more than what she wants.
Right? - It's true, I do.
- So nice.
- So lesbian.
Ivan's not calling me back.
Ivan, uh, doesn't wanna talk.
Just tell me where sh - he is.
I've been to the apartment, he's not there.
He's got a cabin in Idyllwild.
- He's got a cabin? - Yeah.
Yeah.
Ivan's got a cabin.
Yeah.
Yeah, dude's set up.
Hey, I, you know, I appreciate you being protective but it - it's not what you think.
I really care for Ivan.
Sure.
I need to talk to him.
You know, what happened, you know, with the two of you? - When I saw her? - When you saw her.
Yeah.
Oh, I knew I shouldn't have busted in, I should've waited.
It was bad.
I know it was bad for Ivan, but it was unsettling for me, too - You know, but we can get past that.
- Yeah, well, maybe not Ivan.
Ohh, it's crazy, of course we can! - Y - just - just - let me have his address, please? - Naw, you know, it'd be better to wait.
- Let him chill for a few days.
- I can't wait! Then when Ivan gets back, just don't mention it.
Like it didn't happen Dax! I can't wait.
I don't have a few days, you know what I'm sayin'? Bette, I scoured the rentals.
These guys do a lot of short stays, people coming in to do movies and that kind of thing.
Give me that! I cannot fucking afford movie star prices! Uh, sorry, no, you misunderstood.
Its crew people, not movie stars.
Oh, okay.
I'm sorry.
Go ahead.
Okay, uh - Here it is.
It's a little one bedroom over on Barham.
- In the Valley? - On the cusp.
It has a 323 area code so - - What, are you trying to make sure she leaves me? It's one of the few places that rents month-to-month.
I thought if she wants to come home after a month - - I want you to keep looking.
- Okay, I'll keep looking.
And find something nicer.
I will not have Tina living like that.
Well, uh, if you're willing .
.
if you want to sign a six month lease, I saw this little I will sign a six month lease, I don't care if I lose my money, as long as it means Tina's coming home.
Okay Here we go.
This is, uh Come in.
I thought that you would be interested to know I got a call from Tina's lawyer.
What kind of lawyer? Uh, her name is Joyce Wischnia, and she claims to specialize in civil and family matters.
- She's famous.
- I never heard of her.
She's a gay civil rights lawyer.
She was one of the first to support same-sex adoptions.
Tina and I were going to use her.
She also does estate planning and child custody, domestic partnership arrangements And separation and divorce.
The hunter and the hunted.
You have twenty minutes to write.
It's fiction.
Not an essay.
Not a poem.
Not a stream of consciousness bellow of yearning from you soul.
Where's Aaron Engleberg? Where'd you learn about violin making, Aaron? It's been passed down through my family.
My great-grandfather, my grandfather, and my father.
All are master violin makers.
Very poignant.
Lovely story, it was my favorite submission.
Thank you.
The author of Storm Seller, S- E-L-L-E-R? Hunter Kirby.
Nice use of metaphor, Hunter.
But watch out for the puns.
And tell your dad I said hello.
I will.
And, uh, my godfather says to say hello.
- Who's your godfather? - Edward.
Albee.
Where is Sarah Shuster? It's Jenny Schecter, actually.
Jenny Schecter, Sarah Shuster.
Well, well.
Miss Schecter has written a story called Thus Spoke Sarah Schuster.
Uh, yes, I realize that it's arrogant.
Well arrogant is fine.
Hubristic, .
.
overly precious bad puns are to be avoided.
Especially if someone wants to be accepted into my class.
Shall we begin? The hunter .
.
and the hunted.
This never happened.
That's it.
Put down your pens.
That's right.
And cut.
Back to first positions, please.
Oh, God.
How long have you been there? Just a, uh Just a few minutes, I saw that sexy guitar player hitting on you.
Yeah.
Listen, I hope you don't mind, your mom told me where you were.
Oh, no, no, I don't mind.
- Come with me? - Yeah.
Well, also, I wanted to apologize.
About the other night.
I was an asshole.
I know you don't want to talk to me.
Who told you where I am? Look, we need to talk so we can get this behind us.
Well, I'm busy right now.
Ivan, I need your help.
And, I know it's a bad time, but I just need 15 minutes.
No, that's okay, you know, you don't want to get involved with anybody, and that is cool.
- I'm glad it's cool with you.
- It's totally cool.
Well, it doesn't mean that we can't fuck.
You want to fuck me? Carmen? Oh, fuck.
- Ignore it.
- I, I can't.
Uh, yeah.
Go for Carmen.
I need a fresh battery, ASAP.
- Carmen? - No, no, no, wait.
Okay, yeah, right away.
What are you doing later? Oh, God, I have to go over to my grandmother's, I can't let her down.
No problem.
I could come over to your place late.
No no, my roommates are gonna be there.
Well, what about tomorrow? - No, tomorrow I'm getting a lap dance.
- Well, I could do a lap dance for you.
Yeah, I'd like that.
But, it - it's for my friend.
She just, uh, she got out of this relationship.
Yeah, those relationships.
They can really fuck you up.
Yeah.
You want a beer? You're not drinking It's non-alcoholic.
I'm not going to blow my sobriety, Kit.
Ivan, this - this doesn't have to be that hard.
I mean, after seeing you as a woman, your body's beautiful.
- I mean, unless you don't want to be - - Hey, you know, why don't you just tell me what you want from me, okay? I brought my business plan.
My sister Bette's gonna co-sign for the loan.
But the bank won't lend me the $75,000 unless I can come up with $50,000 in cash, and she - she just doesn't have it.
$50,000 dollars is a lot of money.
Tomorrow I have to meet Manfredi Ferrer, .
.
Marina's dad, and if I don't have it together then .
.
it's over for me.
Leave your business plan, I'll look it over.
- I have things I need to do now.
- Ivan Is is there a a chance? You shouldn't count on me.
Wild boar hunting.
Well, that's certainly a literal interpretation.
Glock's submission looks promising.
I like the description of the, uh .
.
lawn mower.
Always go for detail.
I see that Jenny Schecter has set her story of The Hunter and the Hunted in a carnival.
Is that a true story, Schecter? - Yes.
How did you know? - It lacks imagination.
You haven't transformed it into fiction.
Thanks for trying, people.
You'll all hear from me within the next ten days.
- Why are we doing this? - Because we want them to take part in the wedding.
We want them in the wedding photos We want your father to give you away.
Yeah, give me away.
He's probably going to disown me.
Honey, they know that we're getting married.
Don't they? Yes.
And they haven't disowned us yet have they? Pookie, the worst they can do is refuse to acknowledge us.
Which is pretty much what they're doing already, right? Yeah.
- I need you to go get ready.
- Okay.
I need you to wear your hair in a ponytail.
And let me take care of everything else.
- Okay? - Okay.
Fuck, Tina.
Your shit's everywhere.
Fuck.
- Where the fuck is Tina? - Bette.
She's not here, but you're welcome to come in.
She's at work, um - she and Oscar are in some big project - Did you know she's hiring a lawyer? She's not hiring one, she just went for a consultation.
Provide bank statements? Have the house reappraised? Supply a list of my assets? Does that sound like a consultation? She was just going to get some advice.
I thought she needed it, you know, to feel like she had some options.
- You thought? - Bette, you know what? She doesn't have any money.
She doesn't have anything of her own anymore.
You sent her to fucking Joyce Wischnia? I just suggested she see a lawyer! - Fuck you! - Fuck me?! Yeah, fuck you! Weren't you my friend? You know, I'm still your friend! I'm totally your friend, but you can be a little cruel! I've been there.
I remember.
That's low.
You and I dated for six weeks, it was never gonna go anywhere, I did us both a favor.
It's just Tina's hurting.
And I would kind of like my place back.
Someday.
Well, I'll tell you what, my friend, you can judge me all you want to.
You make me into a pariah, I fucking deserve it.
But don't you dare interfere with my life like that.
- Okay? Don't cross that line again! - I didn't mean to cross a line.
I'm sorry! - To sponsorship.
- To my little girl's brilliant career.
Is this a Skinny Russian? Well, I knew that was your drink, Sharon.
Mom? It's - it's actually Tonya that's the brilliant one.
She's the one who locked in the GM deal.
That's just the beginning.
Sharon, Irwin, do you realize what an impact Dana can have? Because she's - well, because she's beautiful.
Because she looks like the beautiful girl next door.
I think Dana's pretty near perfect.
Dana and your wife: two perfect examples of strength balanced by femininity.
Sharon, Irwin Dana and I have something we'd like to ask you.
No, I'm sorry, you cannot have the Tiffany lamps until Daddy and I are ready to downsize.
Well, you know that we've set a date.
We'd really like your blessing.
I don't know what difference that makes.
It would mean a lot.
Mom.
You know, I I really don't understand.
I mean, look at you two.
Both of you such pretty girls! And neither of you would have any trouble finding a man.
We don't want to find a man, Mom.
God! - Dana - No! It's just frustrating, you know! I - I try to tell you guys, and you just don't listen! It's okay.
Sharon, I was engaged once before.
I - I don't know if Dana told you.
No, no she didn't.
Well his name was Bayard.
He was smart and successful - he was a real estate lawyer.
He was totally in love with me.
Now, I tried really hard to make that one work.
But every night I would wake up in the middle of the night, crying.
And one night, Bayard woke up and he found me like that.
- Do you know what he did? - Damned if I do.
He got down on one knee and he said, "Tonya, will you not marry me?" "Because I know what's in your heart.
" "And I love you too much to make you unhappy.
" "Be true to yourself, Tonya.
Follow your heart.
" Am I really saving the environment if I am ordering an Awesome? Not if it's spills in your Prius.
Hi, I'm gonna try that toffee nut caramel soy frappuccino drink.
No, no, no, no.
No.
Tonya ordered it yesterday, it was lethal.
- Too bad she didn't keel over and die.
- Al Oh, I'm sorry, was that too brutally frank and honest for you? I don't know you guys, I don't trust her - .
.
and I hope Dana gets a pre-nup.
- She should go see Joyce Wischnia What? Don't get me involved in that.
Bette totally reams me for uh, suggesting Tina see a lawyer.
Well, I can't blame her.
Sorry, Tina.
Look, I've been taking care of people my whole life.
It's about time I started to take care of myself.
That's why I need a lawyer.
Yeah, but poor Bette.
Well, she's not exactly an innocent party.
I know, but you know, getting a lawyer means that things will get ugly.
Couldn't you just try to work it out together? Bette and I need to be on equal footing before there is any chance .
.
that we could work anything out.
I need my autonomy.
I don't think I wrote very well yesterday, and I think that Madame Birch didn't really like me.
She's probably jealous because you're so gifted.
And hot.
Of course.
Come on.
Come meet my friends.
Today's the day.
You're gonna love Ling-Ling.
- Okay.
Okay now, Ling-Ling - Yeah.
is - the graphic designer! Right? - Actually, not quite.
- Ling-Ling's seven months old.
- Okay.
- Her mom, Claudia, is the graphic designer.
- Right.
- And her other mother, Margaret, is the geriatric nurse.
- Right.
- Right? - Right.
Right.
Alright.
- And they have, um, an adopted Chinese baby.
- Yeah.
Okay, who else? Uh, is it - is it all gonna be couples today? Yeah.
Yeah, most of my friends are married.
They sort of, um, took care of me after, you know, Claybourne and I broke up.
They were really happy when I met you.
Does she know that we - we're having coffee? She's in Newport Beach with her family.
No, she doesn't know, but I'm not - I'm not hiding it.
So.
Well if she's at the beach, we could have just met at your place, .
.
like the good ol' days.
But we have rules and we're trying to follow them.
Does that mean that you're finding it a li - difficult No.
No, not at all, you? Piece of cake.
Come on Ling-Ling.
Come on, say your word.
Come on Ling-Ling.
Come on, say your word.
Oh, she just said her first word.
Come on, say your word.
- Do you want to have children, Jenny? - Oh, gosh.
I - I - I - I don't know.
I don't know.
You know, I - I just kind of feel like I shouldn't be thinking about it now, you know.
You've got all the time in the world.
Now Robin should probably be the first to get pregnant.
- Nora, what are you doing? - Well, you gotta get on with it.
Robin's gonna make a great mother, Jenny.
She's a born nurturer.
Yes.
She's a - she's a very kind lady.
It's, uh, a little soon for them to be talking about children, Nora.
Oh, come on, we're lesbians.
We talk about everything.
Yeah and anyway, one of the problems with Claybourne was that they didn't talk enough.
I mean, Robin didn't even know that Clayborne didn't believe in monogamy until the day of the wedding.
Did you know that Claybourne cheated on Robin at their own wedding? You should have been there.
She was stunning.
We'd like to see her in that tux again.
Thank you very much for the day.
Ah, you're welcome.
Do you want to be alone or can I come in? I don't.
I think that we need to talk.
Okay.
- Talk to me.
- I like you very much.
That's a very bad way to begin a conversation.
Okay, I'm sorry.
I'm just not ready to be married again.
Well Jen, I haven't asked you to marry me.
Robin, it's so obvious to me, that's what you want.
And I kind of feel like I don't know, that you set me up or something.
Oh, no, no, no.
No, they leapt to that conclusion 'cause that's what they want for me.
Ya know? You can't punish me just because my friends want me to find, - .
.
you know, an equitable partner.
- Okay, I'm - I'm not trying to punish you.
Look, Robin, I'm just realizing that, um, I need to I - I just need to be alone right now.
Jen, you can have time alone.
You don't have to be with me every second.
Okay, um uh I need to try and be self-sufficient.
Well, I've never really been on my own before and I think that I need to just to feel scared.
There's nothing to be scared of.
- I - I'm not a scary person.
- Oh Robin, come on.
I mean I'm - I'm so - I'm terrified of being on my own.
I just gotta make myself do it, Robin, and I can't - I can't distract myself by creating all this fucking labyrinth-like drama that I'm so good at creating and I promise you that you do not want to get sucked into my fucking bullshit.
You know what? Don't.
Okay? Don't - don't tell me what I want and don't want.
- I know what I fucking want.
- Okay, well I'm gonna speak for myself.
- Please.
- This is uh - this is what I want.
I can't believe you're doing this.
I I can't go through this again.
I don't know Robin, that's why I'm saying we should stop now before we actually go through anything.
Can I ask you something? Did I blow it by taking you to meet my friends today? No.
I think that your friends seem like really good people.
And they seem, uh very mature and very um settled in their life.
So, um you don't want to be in a relationship? No, I don't.
- You just wanna sleep with people.
Make them fall in love with you, o you can fuck with their heads.
- No, that's not what I want.
- Well, that's what you did.
Great.
That's why I think we should end this right now before I disappoint you any more than I obviously have.
Hello? This is she.
I don't think that women, especially lesbians, should exploit other women.
Well, the strippers I know do it because they love it.
Wait a minute, haven't you ever had a lap dance? Is there anyone else here who hasn't had a lap dance? Oh, my innocent little sweetie! Would you like one? That would be okay with you? Well, if Dana wanted one.
But she doesn't want anyone else's booty in her booty right now.
Do ya, Pookie? Woah.
What? Just - Dana! She's getting married! Hey.
I'm just picking up.
I'll be two minutes.
Thanks.
I don't think I want the first woman to ever touch me other than Bette - to be a stripper.
- Did I hear what I think I just heard? Bette's the only woman you've ever been with? You heard it right, missus.
We are getting you a lap dance tonight.
Here you go.
Thanks.
Hey Bette.
Bette! I'm sorry.
Thanks.
Wait, wait.
This sucks.
Yeah, this sucks.
Listen, I gotta go.
I gotta go meet Kit, so I'm just uh I'm just sorry.
I'm really sorry.
Thanks.
- Whaddaya think, huh? - I think it's hideous.
Well, they're all different, you know? Some have real boobies.
Keep looking, I'm sure you'll see some you like.
C'mon, honey.
It's good fun.
C'mon.
Well, maybe we can get Mister Ferrer to give you more time.
I can go to the bank with you and we can try again.
- Try what? - Try to get them to lend you the full amount.
I can put up some artwork as collateral.
No, I can't have you do that, it's too much.
You're already putting yourself on the line.
You know, I wouldn't be doing this if I thought I was gonna lose my shirt, okay? Thank you.
That means the world to me.
I don't think Marina's daddy's gonna give us a break.
He sounds like he wants to get this over with fast.
Hey there, good lookin'.
Can I get ya anything to drink? Thanks.
Well can I offer you anything else? I've got a lot to offer.
I'm with my friends, but maybe later.
Maybe later.
You're a player, right? Right.
Yeah.
- Oh, sorry.
- What are you doing here? - I have to go to the bathroom.
- You have to get out, that's against the rules.
- No, I have to go to the bathroom, Al.
- Are you three? Can't you hold it for a minute? No.
Fine.
Fine.
Go on.
Go on.
You guys! Hurry up! Tina's found someone she likes, I think.
- Wow! That's exciting! C'mere! We gotta be quick.
- Jesus, is that him? - Count Dracula rides a Hog? Excellent.
Maybe he's more down-to-earth than I thought.
- Ladies.
- Ivan what are you doing here I have a cashier's check for $50,000 dollars, I'm coming in as your partner.
- Oh, Ivan It's a business arrangement, Kit.
Straight up.
I'm in because I like this plan.
I'm your silent partner.
I have nothing to do with your day-to-day.
Okay? I don't need to hear from you, I won't be hanging around.
I see a statement once a month.
- But Ivan - - That's how it's gotta be.
If you want it.
Good luck.
So you wanna tell me what's going on? I dunno, supposedly Tina found a girl she likes.
No, I mean with you and Dana.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Are you guys getting it on yet, or what? No! Okay.
Okay.
We kissed! How'd you figure does anyone else know? - Doubt it.
- You're a freak, you know that, Shane? Check it out.
- Excuse me, ladies.
- Hi.
You go, girl.
Give her some encouragement, T.
Do you notice anything about her? Yeah, she looks a little bit like Bette.
I am Manfredi de la Francesco Ferrer.
Si? Oh, si, buonasera Count - Manfredi.
Si.
I don't have a lot of time, so just show me what I need to know.
The money is in place? I want a glass of wine.
Uh, red or white? Red.
French or Italian.
Not one of those California abominations.
Well I've heard that California wines are pretty good these days.
I hate Los Angeles.
I don't know why Marina came here.
This is a loan for $75,000 dollars, with a contingency.
Si? Uh, si, yes.
I have here $50,000 dollars in a cashier's check.
I think Marina felt she had a home here.
She had a lot of good friends.
Bullshit.
Who are you? Which one is Kit Porter? - I am.
- And you are? Bette Porter.
- Ahh.
Si.
You're the one.
- The one what? Such judges, you Americans.
You sit in judgment on the whole world.
Who gave you this power to judge? Now, wait a minute your highness, or whatever you would like for us to call you - Are you really such an exemplary person? Are you perfect, are you better than anyone else? No.
No, I'm not.
You're so conventional, you Americans.
Thinking one style of life is better than another? - We have so many ways.
- Look, I know that I judged Marina too harshly, - but that doesn't give you the right - - The heart is stronger than the head.
Remember.
And everyone is capable to commit a passionate crime.
And everyone deserves the compassion to start again.
Amen to that.
So how is your daughter, is she okay? - My daughter? - Marina.
Marina is not my daughter.
We are married twelve years.
Marina is my wife! And she is in a hospital in Milano, and no thanks to your friendship.
Everything looks here to be in order.
My people will call you to conclude the business.
Hey.
Hey.
So what did you all do? Nothing much.
We just hung out.
I'm glad you called me.
I was feeling pretty lonely.
- Do you want one? - No thanks.
Tina hired a lawyer, you know.
Yeah, I heard.
How did I let this get so fucked up, Shane? - Shit's not always in our control.
- I used to think that it was.
I learned early on that if you want to avoid that big mess.
that sucks and fucks with your life you just keep it simple.
You mean like sex with no emotional entanglements? Right.
That's just me.
I don't think that applies to you, you're a very well-rounded individual.
I don't know.
I think I just might like to study at your feet, Shane.
Hey.
Hey! Who's that? Oh hey! C'mon over and have a beer with us.
Okay.
Hello.
Hey.
We were just talking about sex with no emotional entanglements.
I like the sound of that.
It's not for everyone.
You know what? With the day that I've had, .
.
that sounds like that's for me.
- Cheers.
- Catching up on current events or something? Yes.
These are all the local newspapers .
.
with people advertising for roommates.
I just put this ad in Craigslist, looking for a roommate.
- I hope that I don't get a bunch of crazies.
- So, you're looking for a roommate.
Yeah.
I don't even know how to screen people, .
.
or what I should ask in rent.
- Would they get their own room? - Yeah, yeah, it's like .
.
it's a two-bedroom house.
We should talk.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
- Okay.
- Why not, right? - Yeah! - Alright.
Why are you laughing? thx to Steph's Transcripts