The New Batman Adventures (1997) s02e02 Episode Script
Critters
I say again, ladies and gentlemen not since man put two slices of bread on either side of a hunk of meat has there been anything as exciting as what you are going to see here today.
You've been saying that for an hour but we saw nothing but your daughter and a tarp.
Coming to it, sir.
You want enough hamburger to feed a nation? You want a turkey drumstick big enough for the whole family this Thanksgiving? You gotta have your special growth hormones invented by me, Farmer Brown.
Hit it, honey.
Gosh, what is that? Simmer down there.
Don't hurt it, Daddy.
Just a sedative, Emmylou.
He'll be dreaming about big green pastures now.
- Quick thinking, Wayne.
- Actually, I was trying to escape through the window.
Enoch Brown, I'm handing down an injunction ordering you to cease and desist these monstrous experiments.
You are to remove any living specimens to safe captivity outside Gotham City.
Judge, I've put millions into this.
If I can't continue my experiments I'm down the drain, washed-up, snookered and sunk.
You should have thought of that when you started creating these monsters.
Adjourned.
Oh, Daddy.
Monsters, huh? I'll show them monsters.
After you didn't call, I was thinking you'd forgotten me maybe I'd end up like the others.
I've just been busy at work.
You've gotta have a little faith, Sharon.
Karen You're not gonna help me, are you? - There's a bug.
- In your salad? Behind you.
That's right.
Over here.
Then it wasn't the insecticide that killed them.
The DNA was altered so that these insects were immune to poisons.
They were engineered to self-destruct when they did.
- But why would someone do that? - To show us that he can.
This was just the preview.
The real show has yet to begin.
Livestock ready to go to market, sugar? Yes, sir, Daddy.
- What about the kid? - Can't shut him up.
Well, now, I'm gonna be in my office.
When you get back from running them livestock you give me a holler, you hear me? - I will.
Soon as I feed the chickens.
Here, chick, chick, chick.
Here, chick, chick, chick.
Okey-dokey.
- Holy cow! - You had to say it.
I'm getting a report of a disturbance on the streets.
What the? Nothing here.
How are you two doing? Actually, we're a little busy.
We've just been run over by a cow.
- Can you make it to the roof? - Not if this keeps up.
Help, help! Hey, Ferdinand.
That's a lot of bull.
That's right.
A stampede on Second and Main.
Killer chickens? Giant cattle? What the heck's going on? Remember that microbiologist they used to call Farmer Brown? Howdy.
Howdy.
- Howdy.
- Good Lord! Fifty million in unmarked bills.
The docks tonight or the bugs come back for good.
- Fifty million? - One person brings money.
No tricks.
No surprises.
No Batman.
Hey, he ate my doughnut.
Commish, we got braciola for brains if we hand 50 million over - to a stinking goat.
- You let me worry about that, Bullock.
- I don't want you rocking the boat.
- Funny you should say that.
Okay, whiskers, where's the captain? Say.
I might like this cruise.
Coming home, Daddy.
Oh, no, you don't.
When I was looking for a tracer in the van I saw him hanging over the side, wetter than a bag of drowned cats.
Well, now, city fella, I don't reckon it's all that polite to show up at a fella's abode without an invitation.
Gee, Snuffy.
Guess I plumb forgot my manners.
Use him for hog slop.
Hey, what the? Eat him up, piggy.
- Moves pretty fast for a fat boy.
- Snookered again.
What? Always check the money first, honey.
Check your shoes for what the cow left and check your money.
Two solid rules.
Sorry, Daddy.
Typical.
- Oh, boy.
- Beef steroids.
Guess we can't do this the old-fashioned way.
I'll be taking that snazzy belt of yours.
This might be a good place to keep you least till the silo takes off.
- Takes off? - It's actually a rocket, Batfolks.
Set to land in Gotham Park Lake.
What's that noise? Insects.
It's a hive.
Yes, sir.
With bigger and better more long-lasting bugs.
And the people of Gotham are gonna make sure they're well-fed if you get my meaning.
We got a minute to get to the boat, darling.
So you survive the Joker and the rest of those freaks only to buy it from Jed Clampett and a bunch of bugs.
And I gotta be here to see it.
Look out! Everyone freeze.
Hey, over here.
That's right.
Look at me.
Move.
Keep going.
It's pretty, ain't it, Daddy? That it is, pumpkin.
Dagnabit! Now, that's purty.
Well, today's certainly been one fine howdy-do.
Don't sweat it, pops.
It's only 10 to 20.
And maybe we can find you and Daisy Mae a nice prison farm.
You've been saying that for an hour but we saw nothing but your daughter and a tarp.
Coming to it, sir.
You want enough hamburger to feed a nation? You want a turkey drumstick big enough for the whole family this Thanksgiving? You gotta have your special growth hormones invented by me, Farmer Brown.
Hit it, honey.
Gosh, what is that? Simmer down there.
Don't hurt it, Daddy.
Just a sedative, Emmylou.
He'll be dreaming about big green pastures now.
- Quick thinking, Wayne.
- Actually, I was trying to escape through the window.
Enoch Brown, I'm handing down an injunction ordering you to cease and desist these monstrous experiments.
You are to remove any living specimens to safe captivity outside Gotham City.
Judge, I've put millions into this.
If I can't continue my experiments I'm down the drain, washed-up, snookered and sunk.
You should have thought of that when you started creating these monsters.
Adjourned.
Oh, Daddy.
Monsters, huh? I'll show them monsters.
After you didn't call, I was thinking you'd forgotten me maybe I'd end up like the others.
I've just been busy at work.
You've gotta have a little faith, Sharon.
Karen You're not gonna help me, are you? - There's a bug.
- In your salad? Behind you.
That's right.
Over here.
Then it wasn't the insecticide that killed them.
The DNA was altered so that these insects were immune to poisons.
They were engineered to self-destruct when they did.
- But why would someone do that? - To show us that he can.
This was just the preview.
The real show has yet to begin.
Livestock ready to go to market, sugar? Yes, sir, Daddy.
- What about the kid? - Can't shut him up.
Well, now, I'm gonna be in my office.
When you get back from running them livestock you give me a holler, you hear me? - I will.
Soon as I feed the chickens.
Here, chick, chick, chick.
Here, chick, chick, chick.
Okey-dokey.
- Holy cow! - You had to say it.
I'm getting a report of a disturbance on the streets.
What the? Nothing here.
How are you two doing? Actually, we're a little busy.
We've just been run over by a cow.
- Can you make it to the roof? - Not if this keeps up.
Help, help! Hey, Ferdinand.
That's a lot of bull.
That's right.
A stampede on Second and Main.
Killer chickens? Giant cattle? What the heck's going on? Remember that microbiologist they used to call Farmer Brown? Howdy.
Howdy.
- Howdy.
- Good Lord! Fifty million in unmarked bills.
The docks tonight or the bugs come back for good.
- Fifty million? - One person brings money.
No tricks.
No surprises.
No Batman.
Hey, he ate my doughnut.
Commish, we got braciola for brains if we hand 50 million over - to a stinking goat.
- You let me worry about that, Bullock.
- I don't want you rocking the boat.
- Funny you should say that.
Okay, whiskers, where's the captain? Say.
I might like this cruise.
Coming home, Daddy.
Oh, no, you don't.
When I was looking for a tracer in the van I saw him hanging over the side, wetter than a bag of drowned cats.
Well, now, city fella, I don't reckon it's all that polite to show up at a fella's abode without an invitation.
Gee, Snuffy.
Guess I plumb forgot my manners.
Use him for hog slop.
Hey, what the? Eat him up, piggy.
- Moves pretty fast for a fat boy.
- Snookered again.
What? Always check the money first, honey.
Check your shoes for what the cow left and check your money.
Two solid rules.
Sorry, Daddy.
Typical.
- Oh, boy.
- Beef steroids.
Guess we can't do this the old-fashioned way.
I'll be taking that snazzy belt of yours.
This might be a good place to keep you least till the silo takes off.
- Takes off? - It's actually a rocket, Batfolks.
Set to land in Gotham Park Lake.
What's that noise? Insects.
It's a hive.
Yes, sir.
With bigger and better more long-lasting bugs.
And the people of Gotham are gonna make sure they're well-fed if you get my meaning.
We got a minute to get to the boat, darling.
So you survive the Joker and the rest of those freaks only to buy it from Jed Clampett and a bunch of bugs.
And I gotta be here to see it.
Look out! Everyone freeze.
Hey, over here.
That's right.
Look at me.
Move.
Keep going.
It's pretty, ain't it, Daddy? That it is, pumpkin.
Dagnabit! Now, that's purty.
Well, today's certainly been one fine howdy-do.
Don't sweat it, pops.
It's only 10 to 20.
And maybe we can find you and Daisy Mae a nice prison farm.