The Simple Life (2003) s02e02 Episode Script

Oh, my god.
Are we getting pulled over? Just shut up.
I don't know.
Are we? Bad boys, bad boys whatcha gonna do when they come for you? Oh, we are.
- Shut up.
We really are? - Yeah.
Driver in the pink truck, pull over.
Whatcha gonna do when they come for you? I have no license.
It's it expired, but whatever.
- Hi.
- Good evening.
I'm part of the highway patrol.
Let me see your license, registration, insurance for the vehicle.
We don't know where any of this stuff is.
Huh? What is registration? Is this? You got pulled you over 'cause you had blue lights on your vehicle.
It's a second-degree misdemeanor to have blue lights on your vehicle.
- Are you serious? - What's that mean? It means you can go to jail for it.
Do you have your driver's license with you? No, I don't have it on me.
I got my purse stolen, so my secretary's fed-ex'ing me a new one.
Okay.
- All right, just stay in your vehicle.
- I'll be right back with you.
Thank you.
He's serious.
Look at his face in your mirror.
I can't believe that you can get in trouble for having blue lights under the car.
In L.
A.
, everyone who's ghetto has that.
Who do I have to (bleep) around here to get out of a ticket? Those cops don't seem like one of those cops that you can, like, flirt with.
Okay, ladies.
Basically, what I'm gonna do is, I'm gonna issue you a warning for the blue lights.
I know you're out of state, so, um, we're all done.
Thank you, officer.
- Okay? - We're sorry about the lights.
Not a problem.
You have a safe night.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Got away again.
Let's take two girls, both filthy rich Isn't that Paris Hilton? From the bright lights down to the sticks from velvet ropes to cattle pulls let's take away their limousines their credit cards and shopping sprees well, they're both spoiled rotten will they cry when they hit bottom? Heaven knows if they'll survive this simple road trip kind of life.
Where the hell are we? Well, the girls are working their way across Florida trying to get back home.
But for tonight, home is gonna be a trailer park.
- Where are we? - Brentwood trailer park.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Hi.
What can I do for you ladies today? We need a space to stay in.
Okay, how long? - Tonight.
- Tonight? Okay.
- How old are you? - 13.
Sexy.
Okay, I'll show you to a site.
Okay, that wasn't so bad, was it? No.
Oh, another thing-- there's a lot of ducks down here.
You have to be careful with the little dogs around them, too.
What are ducks they can't do anything.
Ducks are nice.
Not these.
They're pretty big ducks.
- How big? - How big? About like that.
No.
What color are they? Black and white.
I've never met, like, a killer duck or a mean duck in my life.
Well, I'll show them to you in the morning.
Okay.
Do you want to eat before we go to bed? Yeah.
Soup is good.
I don't like camp food.
Learn to like it.
Okay, girls, number one-- you don't have any propane.
So I can't light the stove or the hot water heater.
- The heater doesn't work, either? - No.
Know what I'm gonna do? I'm just gonna microwave this.
'Cause I really am hungry.
Does it fit in here? Can you put this in the microwave, Nicole? Um I guess.
The pot smells really weird.
- Can you smell the pot? - No.
It's, like, baking.
Whatever.
It's getting hot, though.
You got to put it in a lot of minutes.
Don't put metal in the microwave.
It smells! That's why it smells.
You're burning the handle off.
- Are you serious? - Yeah.
Don't put metal in the microwave.
Oh, yeah, it's melted.
Oh, my god.
Girl looks the same.
Me and you at the end of the trip.
All right, well, let's rest up for tomorrow.
I don't know what we're gonna do.
- Love you, bitch.
- Love you, bitch.
- Good night.
- Good night.
Did you lock the door? - No, did you? - No.
Oh, god.
Tinkerbell? Tinkerbell? Tinkerbell? Tinkerbell? Is a little dog over there? Hi.
Thought I left you? I saw the killer ducks.
- You did? - Yeah, they're red.
Were they red? It's blood.
I'm so hungry.
So what do we do? Should we, like, ask one of our friendly neighbors to make us something? We haven't met anyone yet.
So let's go introduce ourselves.
Is this a real trailer park? Yes! Oh.
- Like, they live here permanently.
- Oh, my god.
The flamingoes outside are really classy.
Hi.
What's your name? Maggie Dott.
Maggie? Maggie Dot.
That's hot.
I'm Nicole.
I'm Paris.
Do you love it? She is the cutest lady I've ever seen.
She's so cute.
Who else can we meet? We don't have any breakfast.
How do you eat breakfast? I go out and eat.
Does everyone go out here? Yeah, but they cook breakfast and stuff.
- Who does? - Them people over there.
Hi.
How are you? Good.
How are you? Good.
I'm Nicole.
Troy.
This is Cindy and Elizabeth.
- Hi.
Cindy.
- Hi.
Do you guys cook breakfast? Yes, we do.
You do? 'Cause we don't have any.
Yeah.
Do you want some breakfast? That'd be great.
- Some sausage and eggs? - Yes! Help yourselves.
Plates are there.
There's your forks, napkins.
If you want orange I mean, apple juice-- it's there.
- Thank you so much.
- Thank you.
We really appreciate it.
How long have you been here? A month.
- A month? - Where do you guys go to the bathroom? A bucket over there.
How did you know? I'm just joking.
Is it good, y'all? - Mm-hmm.
- It's really good.
I was afraid those green beans might not turn out.
You didn't want any sausage? Thank you.
Uh-huh.
.
.
Bitch.
I feel so sick from that food.
Ew it was so gross.
Ew.
How you girls doing this morning? - Hey.
- Hi, Bernie.
What's up? You got to be to work at 10:45 at Weeki Wachee Springs.
What's Weeki Wachee Springs? It's a water sports park, and you'll be working out there today.
You're going to take the truck.
Yeah.
And, uh, I'll unhook the trailer for you.
Thank you.
And show you how to do it.
You're going to have to help me so you know how.
O kay.
You got to do all four of 'em.
There's a lot of pins here that puts your tension bars out.
Pull that pin out, stand to the side.
Then you pull this back.
Make sure you put this bolt in when you're pulling.
Mm-hmm.
That keeps it from coming unlocked.
When you see that move down, you should be able to unlock it.
It's so confusing.
And now you're ready to go.
Don't be late.
Okay.
- Hi.
- Hi, guys.
- Hi.
- Hello.
I'm, uh, Robin Anderson.
I'm the general manager of Weeki Wachee Springs.
We're famous for our mermaid shows here at Weeki Wachee.
This is Sativa, and she's going to be your mermaid manager.
- Hi.
- She's in charge of all the mermaids, so she's going to explain to you guys today what's going on.
First of all, what we're going to do is have you guys just watch one of our shows so you can get an idea of what you'll actually be doing.
- Okay.
- Okay, you guys ready to watch it? - Yeah.
- All right, let's go.
Far out in our sea, the water's as blue as the loveliest cornflower and as pure as the clearest glass.
we've got the world by the tail we've got the world by the tail You guys have any questions so far? - Has anyone died ? - No.
- Injured? - No.
- Hospital? - Not no.
- No.
- Not in a long time.
Why is she making out with the turtle? The turtle? The turtle's, like, the key that holds the whole story together.
The audience loves the turtle, too.
- The turtle rocks.
- They like him more than they like the mermaids.
That was sexual.
- Do you have food here? - You guys hungry? - I just want a little bite.
- Yup.
Well, after a quick tour of the park, the girls sit down to lunch with their new co-workers.
There's plenty of food.
You guys want to eat? You hungry? - Yes.
- Yes.
How are you guys going, like? You're doing a road trip, and I know they took everything away from you, right? - Yeah.
- Right.
So, like-like, what do you do when, like for gas? What are you doing? - We beg for money.
- You beg for money? Yeah.
Well, I have a proposal for you.
I'm supposed to be going out tonight Uh-huh.
And we can't take Kayla, 'cause she's too little.
- Would you be willing to, like, baby-sit for? - Yeah.
Totally.
Would you like that? Yeah? Awesome.
Hi.
Hey, guys.
How you doing? - Good to see you.
- Good to see you.
Well, I got a list for you, just for you guys in case When's her curfew? She doesn't go out.
She doesn't go out? Well, not, like, on her own.
- Not-not without you.
Yeah, but if we, like, took her to the bars and - No, no.
- Do you have a fake id for her? No, these are just a couple things, like she's not to have sweets after 8:00.
Bedtime's about 9:00, and no cursing in front of her.
Uh-huh.
Nicole.
- No what? - No cursing.
That's hot.
Okay.
Take good care of them, okay? I love you.
Twinkle, twinkle, little star So, what do you want to play first? Dress-up.
Put fun colors on.
You're going to look gorgeous.
Not that you already aren't.
- Gorgeous.
- Gorgeous.
Stunning.
You're going to die when you see it.
Oh, my god.
Ha! Loves it.
Let's take a picture.
Oh ready? One, two, three.
We're going to send it to all the modeling agencies.
Where is that list? You can't have sweets past 8:00.
No playing with matches.
Thank you.
And we can't say (bleep) and (bleep) in front of Kayla.
Can you say "ass" ? - Say what? - "Ass.
" - No.
- Say it.
- No.
- Say it.
What rhymes with "witch"? I'm not saying it.
Say it.
You guys want to play hide and seek? That's actually a good idea.
I have to go to the bathroom, and when I come back, why don't you two be hidden? Okay.
All right, we'll hide in different directions, so in case she finds one of us, she won't find the other one.
- Okay.
- Okay? Guys? Kayla? Paris? Hello? I see a little bleach blonde action.
I didn't want to go farther.
I was scared in the dark.
Let's find Kayla.
Uh-huh.
Kayla! Have you guys seen a little girl? In a pink boa? And a mohawk? And a lot of makeup? Kayla! Kayla! Where is she? Kayla, hide and seek's over.
Kayla! (bleep) Hi, you guys, how'd it go? - Hi.
- Hi.
- How'd it go? - Good.
Yeah? We were just playing hide-and-go-seek and Kayla's out here somewhere, but we don't know where she is, so we're just trying to find her.
What? She's somewhere hiding though.
Yeah.
And you have no idea where she is? Did you look for her? We've been looking.
We can't find her yet.
Kayla! Kayla! Kayla! Kayla! Oh, man.
Did you count to three? Kayla! Kayla! Count to three? What? Oh, my god.
What were you doing? Hiding.
You got everybody scared.
Give me a kiss.
I thought something happened to you.
- Did you guys have fun? - Yeah.
Look at you.
Your makeup looks really - It's cool.
- Wow, very cool.
Kayla, we're so happy that you came over.
We love her.
She's so much fun.
Guys, thanks a lot.
Appreciate it.
Yeah.
Here you go.
Thanks a lot.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
Bye, gorgeous.
Bye, Kayla.
Bye.
Thanks again, guys.
Uh-huh.
Thank you.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye-bye.
We were paid ten (bleep) dollars? Pay for, like, one nail to get a manicure.
Well, the next morning the girls head back to the water park for their big audition.
When you hire a mermaid, what you're looking for really is someone who is a pretty good swimmer, very graceful.
And we're just gonna see how they do.
See where it goes.
This is gonna be your tail.
Yay.
And your top.
Loves it.
And, Nicole You get to be a little turdy.
You get to be Chester the sea turtle.
It smells like (bleep) in here, by the way.
My boobs look huge in this.
I really don't think Paris and Nicole really know what's in store for them here at Weeki Wachee.
I think that they think they're going to swim around in a tail and smile and be pretty.
But it's a lot of work, and I think they're going to find that out once they do their training session.
Just remember, guys, this is, like, this is it.
So whatever you do is how you're gonna be ready for the show tomorrow.
Cold! ( Bleep ) freezing.
Have fun.
I'm gonna let you try this on with the mask so you can see what happens when it floats around.
All right, go.
Now right here.
And let's say a big prayer.
You guys look there she goes.
Go, go, go.
What's she doing? Good job, Paris.
Use your arms, use your arms.
Show her how to use her arms.
Watch the girl next to you, to your left.
Wow, look at mrs.
Fancy-pants.
Good.
Toes pointed.
Good job.
Keep your toes pointed.
Use your arms to pull you.
It'll be so much easier.
There you go.
Good.
Show her the sitting pose.
Show her the sitting pose.
Can you do that, Paris? Good.
Good, I think you got it.
How's Nicole doing? Nicole's going to swim without the head.
Now try Nicole once you get down, try to stand up straight.
Watch yourself.
Watch your reflection in the window.
Smile.
Right here.
Nicole, look Nicole, this way.
Right now they're working on swimming too much.
They need to just get down the breathing.
Just hold on and breathe and just stay down, okay? Let's count-- one, two relax, relax.
Stay down for a minute.
Stay down, stay down.
Not quite the, uh, ending we thought.
This is so brutal.
I hate this.
I have a headache.
If I drank, I would really start drinking now.
Don't drop the soap.
Oh, my god, there's a worm on me! Are you leaving right from here to go to? No.
No.
But we should exchange numbers.
Yeah.
Are you guys going to go there tonight? Yeah, depends on what time you guys are going to go down there.
Like, probably what time does it get good, 8:00? Where we can all meet up somewhere.
Okay.
So we'll do, like, a mermaid outing.
Right on.
Yeah.
Well, you guys did pretty good.
I mean, especially for your first time.
And we're tying to, like, shove a lot of stuff into one day.
- Thanks.
- Thank you.
The bad news is, is that we're gonna have to not let you guys swim in the show tomorrow.
- Why? - Why? Only because we don't think you guys are quite ready.
You guys tried hard, but I just don't think that you're ready for If we need mermaids later on, we'll definitely call you.
Thanks.
Bye, guys.
Good job.
Bye.
Well, the girls are awful unhappy about not getting to be in the mermaid show.
And when you're Paris and Nicole, there's only one way to take out your frustration.
Nicole! The mermaids are out.
Yes, we are.
What's up, girls? They're not letting us be in the show tomorrow.
They said that we suck.
I love Lionel Richie! That's hot.
"Three times a lady.
" "Three times a mermaid.
" Miss Hilton, you must be worth a trillion bucks get the feeling that you don't really give a roller skates on a social butterfly Whoo.
Well, the girls may not have gotten to be mermaids, but they still put on a show.
I don't know whether you're aware of this or not, but this is a nudist facility.
This is not how I wanted to wake up.
What do you like about your body? Welcome to housekeeping.
No goofing off.
No playing around.
Okay.
Ew! Girls, what are you doing? Help me.
You took the cart on the playground?