The Upshaws (2021) s02e02 Episode Script

1
[instrumental music playing]
Good morning, baby.
You need to make more money.
Damn. Shouldn't that
come with some eggs and grits?
Look at all the shit we gotta buy
the kids for the new school year.
Uh, what happened to a blackboard
and some damn chalk?
Why do we pay taxes?
Uh, do we?
Look, Kelvin needs some stuff.
And whatever you get Aaliyah,
just get him the boy version.
Please?
- Fine.
- [cell phone chimes]
Who blowing up your phone so early?
Uh, it's the weather alert.
We having some Oh.
Aaliyah! Clothes!
Clothes?
She was going on about
wanting a new look for high school,
so I brought her
some stuff from my closet.
[chuckles] Why would anybody
wanna dress like BlackGirlTragic?
The only thing tragic
is your credit score.
[scoffs] Duh.
I heard my name and "clothes."
What'd I get?
Something from me.
I'm about to be fake grateful, aren't I?
Relax, little girl. Vintage is in.
What's "The Limited"?
[laughing]
Honey, your aunt's
trying to do something nice, okay?
At least try something on.
Thank you, Aunt Lucretia.
Hey, you might
find something that you like.
She ain't gonna want none of that.
I don't care. Gets it out of my house.
I was gonna drive it down to the church,
but your coffee doesn't require
a donation to the building fund.
Oh, shit, there's a back to this list?
A graphing calculator
Mmm. Aaliyah don't need all that.
She got ten fingers.
Damn. That's what's up.
What's "what's up"?
Get your face out of my damn phone
before you crack the screen.
I need to go get me a good shirt.
What's got him all in a tizzy?
Hey, can I borrow some money?
No, you may not.
You better steal this stuff from work.
And get me some gauze.
My business.
Oh, damn.
I meant that as, like,
"Oh, damn!" It's lit.
Is it lit?
It rhymes with lit. And I ducking hate it.
Okay, I'll tell you what.
Anything you don't want,
you and your mom take down to the church.
So the whole bag?
Why you got to make your errand my errand?
[footsteps approaching]
I'm out, babe.
The shop ain't gonna open itself.
Uh, hold up.
Are you going to the shop
or are you preaching today?
[chuckles] You funny, girl.
All right. I love you. I love one of you.
I wonder what all that was.
He cheating again.
[vocalizing]
Solid as a rock ♪
[vocalizing]
Solid ♪
Why are you digging around this room
looking for school supply money?
[sighs] Yeah, you're right.
You gotta have money to lose money.
You need to lose
that cheating-ass husband.
You think work will notice
if I fit a ream of paper in here?
Oh. Paper wasn't even on they damn list.
Regina, you really gonna
act like things are cool?
Lucretia, I get that you worry about me,
but Bennie and I are cool, okay?
We trust each other again.
So much that he hides his phone?
And who fixes cars
dressed like Jake from State Farm?
He's creeping.
Lucretia, the man spent the last month
crawling his way back into this house.
Which means there was a month
where he wasn't in the house.
Y'all were on a break.
And the last time
you were on a break, you got Kelvin.
Not fair, okay?
Because Bennie was different then.
Everything was different then.
[sighs] Okay. What I'm about to say
is only out of deep love for you.
Bennie is a good-looking and charming man.
That hurt.
And there are a lot of Tashas out there.
If Bennie says the texts are nothing,
then they're nothing.
If he says that
he is on his way to the shop,
then that's where he is.
Jeez.
[exhales sharply]
Where you going?
I was gonna take the trash out,
but I am now gonna go and make sure
Bennie doesn't wanna look at it first.
[instrumental music playing]
Come on, Davis. Go take a run at it.
No, she's not my speed.
Don't let him pressure you.
Ain't no shame in being celibate.
Of course not. Not if you getting some.
Don't you deserve to spend some time
with a woman who didn't breastfeed you?
Oh, actually, I was a bottle baby.
Came out with a full set of teeth.
Yeah, I was in the newspaper.
- Yeah.
- I cannot unknow that.
Duck! Duck, go on and highlight her, man.
She said she here for Bennie.
This is Bennie's Garage. That don't mean
she's here for Bennie. Come on.
Hey, Darlene. I'm late. My bad.
- Oh, damn. She here for Bennie.
- Mm-hmm.
Uh, okay, go ahead to the car.
I gotta get the keys.
Also, none of you are my type.
You think she heard us talking about her?
If she didn't, that's just rude.
Well, well, well.
Who's the new woman in your life?
The only woman in his life
is named Regina.
Y'all need to get out of my business
and go do something that I pay you for.
Well, he got that real defensive energy.
Oh. You see he's taking her out
in the Camaro?
[car starts]
That's a man doing something
he shouldn't. Mmm.
Can't blame him though.
She is a banger.
- I would tear that
- [cell phone ringing]
Damn, that's my girl.
How she always know?
Hey, baby. Yeah.
I was just writing you a poem.
[laughing]
Hey, guys.
Where's Bennie?
Uh, see, what had happened was
I'm really just an Uber driver.
I don't know shit.
Duck, where is my husband?
I'm praying he's with the Lord.
[Tony humming]
[Regina] Hold up, Tony.
Do you know where Bennie is?
Uh See, what had happened was
Nope. Got it.
- [cell phone ringing]
- [speaking indistinctly]
Oh, this is my wife.
I gotta answer real quick.
[button beeps]
Hey, baby. I'm at work. What's up?
Oh, I was just thinking about my man
sitting behind his desk,
wearing his uniform,
all providing and whatnot.
Oh, see, you know how I do.
Just being a good dude.
[chuckles] It's got me
all hot and bothered.
You think you could sneak away?
I wish I could. It
Man, it's busy as hell up here. I mean
Oh, really?
Maybe the guys could help you out.
The guys don't do shit.
Duck's big-ass prison fingers.
Tony stops every five minutes
to see if his girl still loves him.
Well, I mean, Davis is always there.
Maybe he could do something.
Man, Davis's only job
is waiting on the hot donut light
to come on at Krispy Kreme.
Huh. Well, believe me when I tell you,
I cannot wait for you
to come home tonight.
Well, just make sure
you keep it hot for me.
[chuckles]
You gonna feel this heat, bruh. Trust.
[instrumental music playing]
We're in high school now.
I need a look that says I'm smart
enough that the girls will like me,
but not so smart
that the boys won't like me.
You know what? Same. I need that too.
I hate both of you so much right now.
Why did you text me
"Come look at some cool shit"?
Oh. My bad. It was supposed to say,
"Come look at some cool shirts."
So which one do I look hotter in?
The red? Or the yellow?
Ugh! Damn, I'm your brother.
I'm not finna tell you how to be hot.
[chuckles] Well, you ain't my brother,
so you can hot-talk me all you want.
[chuckles]
Man, y'all sweating high school too much.
Why did I think you'd understand?
Everybody just loves you.
Meanwhile, I had to fight like
a dog in the street
for every scrap of popularity I had.
High school is my chance to get it right.
Now pick a damn shirt. Red or yellow?
Wear the black-pink thing
with those shoes.
I'm not wearing that.
Then why am I here?
I'm sorry. I just can't bear
another year of being me.
[scoffs] That part.
It's all cool. Whatever you need.
Well, if you really wanna help,
there is something you could do.
Ah! I'm not being
your dead boyfriend again.
I don't want these people knowing
I have a ghetto twin. It's embarrassing.
So I thought maybe
we could pretend to be real twins.
He don't look like a girl.
Twins can be fraternal, Savannah.
This is supposed to be
a safe space, Aaliyah.
You don't have to do all that.
Besides, what happens when
my mom picks me up from school?
Let's be realistic.
No, man. I ain't about that.
If people wanna judge me, let them.
And if they got something to say,
they better be prepared to back it up.
[exhales sharply] He is so principled.
Well, then he can be the good twin.
I'm still doing it.
[instrumental music playing]
Finally. I figured out how
to handle your Bennie situation.
I watched a lot of murder.
Pushing him down the stairs
is your best bet.
That's a walkaway crime.
I told you, we're not killing my husband.
You have to
stop thinking of him as your husband.
It's gonna make it harder to push.
I'm gonna need you
to be less giddy about the idea
that my marriage might be in trouble.
[scoffs] "Might be"?
Okay, fine, is. Okay?
My marriage is in trouble.
Bennie is cheating on me. Eh!
Maybe. Possibly.
Shit, I don't know.
I thought you might waffle.
So I did some digging.
The soil was wet, so I got a good start.
I also got some information.
I figured if Bennie was cheating,
the girl would call the shop,
because, you know,
Bennie ain't that smart.
Sure enough, one number hit him up
every day for the past two weeks.
And it's not tied
to any account in our records.
So you called it.
So I called it.
It was a woman, Regina.
I only got a voicemail,
but she sounded like a side chick.
- [Regina sighs]
- You know, breathing in between each word.
[inhales] You know,
part of me ain't even mad.
Well, can I talk to the part that is?
Because we got shit to do.
Bennie told me that
I needed him to be a mess.
And, apparently, he's right.
He's only doing what I let him do.
How can I go after a man for that?
At night when he's sleeping.
Bennie had a break baby,
and I just bought that kid
school supplies.
Bennie stole money from me,
and I slept with him
before he even paid me back.
- And don't forget the time
- Oh, no, no, no.
I am not gonna let you stand here
and make this your fault.
You are two people who made choices.
Bennie's made his choice.
You can make a different one.
With what?
A breathy voicemail greeting
and him not being where he said he would?
Is that Is that
Is that enough to end a marriage?
Is it worth packing up my girls?
Why are you packing?
He's the one that needs to go.
Wow, what would that even do to them?
They'll get to see their mom
handling her business.
[exhales sharply] Nope. Mm-mmm.
Not gonna let this weigh heavily on me.
When he gets home,
I'mma just ask his ass straight out.
No, no, no.
See? That's how
that wiggly bastard gets away with stuff.
Don't say anything until I get proof.
- [sighs]
- Look, I'll get you all the proof.
We gonna bury his ass.
And then we gonna bury his ass.
[instrumental music playing]
[exhales]
- Yeah.
- That was a hell of a ride you gave me.
Yeah. I wanted to hit it a little harder,
but I didn't want the cops on us.
[both laughing]
- [sighs]
- Look, this is our fourth test drive.
Are you gonna buy the car or not?
Hmm.
- I do love the interior.
- All right.
- And the cupholders are surprisingly big.
- [Bennie laughs]
Come on now. I can't keep
running all over town now.
You're right. You're right.
You know what? I think I'm ready.
All right. Let's
Let me see how it handles
on the way to my dry cleaner.
Oh, Lord.
[car engine starts]
[instrumental music playing]
[grunts]
Ah! I gotta pee, gotta pee!
Better stop drinking them big-ass sodas.
Dr. Pepper don't even drink
that much Dr. Pepper.
Bennie, you all kind of bold and crazy.
- Running with your lady in the daylight.
- No, man.
Buying her flowers
and wrapping her clothes up in plastic.
It's like they used to tell me in prison,
"You run, you gonna get caught, Duck."
- What you trying to say?
- You cheating on Regina.
Get the hell out of here.
Ain't nobody cheating.
Trying to get me killed?
Man, quit playing, all right?
We know she's your girl.
And, by the looks of it,
she got you whipped.
Whipped? Your girl treats you
like 12 Years a Slave.
I'm not sleeping with that girl.
I'm trying to sell this car, man.
- You're trying to sell the Camaro?
- Yeah.
I love this car. Shit, I'll buy it.
Sometimes, when you cut out early,
I sit in the car
making vroom-vroom noises.
Well, you can't afford it.
Yeah, I'm already
garnishing half your wages.
How come you didn't just tell us
that's what you was doing?
'Cause I want it to be a surprise.
I'mma give Regina the money.
- Oh!
- Oh! [laughing]
Finally treating her the way I ought to.
Huh?
She ought to be treated.
Hey, my heart is full for you, brother.
Yeah.
If you're trying to
surprise Regina, hurry up.
She was sneaking around here earlier.
- Shit. When? Hell, no.
- Yeah. You got lucky 'cause we covered.
Oh, my God. Hey, look.
I gotta sell this car today.
Duck, take the overalls off.
Act like you're buying the car.
Yeah. I wish I could.
You need to tuck in your religion.
I knew you before Jesus did.
Yeah, it ain't that. It's just,
I'm not wearing anything underneath.
- Oh!
- Oh, God damn!
Duck, your laundry room ain't haunted.
I know what I heard.
Hey, man. I got you.
I got you, man. What's the plan?
- Okay, this is the plan.
- [Tony] All right.
- When she get back out
- Okay?
- you gonna bid on the car.
- Okay.
- She'll raise it. You back off.
- Okay.
Then that's when I sell it to her.
Women always want
what they can't have. Come on, boy.
I can't be party to this.
I'm gonna go read my Bible,
where the women are treated well.
Look, there she is. Hey, hey, hey.
Mr. Upshaw. I know I've been
putting you through it.
You have.
But I gotta sleep on it another night.
Well, do what you got to do now
'cause this man right here
is ready to buy the car.
- Oh, no. Really?
- [Tony] Yeah.
Twenty-five big ones.
- Yeah.
- Wow!
That's way more than we talked about.
Enjoy your car.
Wait. Uh, hold up now.
Uh, what were y'all talking about?
- Fifteen.
- Oh, okay.
Uh, I can only swing ten.
- I'd rather do eight.
- I'll tap out at six.
Hey. Look,
we're haggling in the wrong direction.
- Oh
- Uh [sighs]
I'm not an idiot.
If you're gonna try to scam me,
do it with somebody
I didn't see working here this morning.
Come on. Hey, hey. Listen, man.
You gotta buy the car, okay?
My wife is trying to go back to school.
And it's expensive.
And I ain't always done right by her.
And I'm just trying to step my game up.
Please.
That's sweet.
Look. You wanted fifteen.
I'm comfortable at twelve.
So why don't we circle up
at thirteen-five and call it a deal?
Girl, I could kiss you
And you know what? I'm not
And I didn't. I just told her I could.
But I want an oil change
and some new tires. I see that tread wear.
Oh, shit, that's from
driving you around town.
I'll have a check for you
when I pick it up tomorrow.
Uh, there you go.
You gonna run home and tell Regina?
I ain't telling Regina nothing
until I get that money in her hand.
[exhales] Yeah, marriage is complicated.
I'm almost glad my girl turned me down.
[instrumental music playing]
Thanks for letting me be here
for Sydney's first day of school.
She looked cute
in that outfit you bought her.
You always could put a look together.
Oh, my bad, was that homophobic?
You know, I actually don't know.
I'm still learning myself.
But I do love a compliment. So, thanks.
[both laughing]
Sydney likes me, right?
She is nine. She'd follow a clown
into a sewer if he had McDonald's.
Now, come on.
I gotta be doing better than that.
You're doing fine. Don't rush it.
I'm just glad I finally get a chance
to know her away from my crazy-ass family.
- [sighs] Look, the fact is
- [doorbell chimes]
- Really?
- What is it?
Your crazy-ass family.
Hey, girl.
Oh. Hey, nephew.
Auntie, how did you know I was here?
I ain't here for you.
I need to talk to her.
[groans] Lord, give me the strength.
If the man don't want to
take a paternity test, he
No, we ain't on that. You're a cop.
I need you to run a phone number for me.
We can only do that
if it's part of an investigation.
Oh, well, we may be
on the verge of a homicide.
You can't keep barging
into Monique's life asking for shit.
She never signed up for that.
Bennie's stepping out on your mom again.
Can you run a number?
Fine. I'll do it when I get to work.
And just a little advice.
Don't be sneaking around
a cop's house, okay?
That's a good way to get shot.
[scoffs] Please. You can't outdraw me.
[instrumental music playing]
Gonna be late. I'll miss breakfast.
Gotta get to the shop.
Who is she, Bennie?
Damn, I shouldn't have
stopped to hug Maya.
Every bone in my body wants to
give you the benefit of the doubt.
I am begging you. Please have an answer.
If I could tell you, I would tell you.
What kinda man shit is that? No!
No, we're not doing that.
Uh-uh. You're gonna give me
an answer right now
or you're gonna find the locks changed.
Since you standing over there
by them knives
There is a woman.
Damn you, Bennie.
She the one
you were texting with yesterday?
Yeah, only because we were doing a deal.
I sold her my car.
The car is in the driveway, jackass.
Not that family piece of shit. My Camaro.
I wanted to surprise you.
I sold it for thirteen grand.
Thirteen?
No, I'm lying.
It was thirteen-five.
I was trying to pocket the five.
No. You would never sell the Camaro.
Yeah, but I owed you.
I thought we'd never be cool
because of that money.
I might be back in,
but we ain't cool
because of that debt between us.
Thirteen is more than what you took.
So what?
I know what school mean to you.
Spend it on that.
Or spend it on
something else that you deserve.
You sold the Camaro for me?
It was a pain in the ass, too.
Well, let me holla at you.
I gotta hit it from the back
'cause I ain't brush my teeth.
[instrumental music playing]
Why am I hearing you have a twin when
I clearly told you I wasn't doing that?
Chill. I never said my twin was you.
We have the same dad, genius.
What happens if he comes to a parent day?
Seriously, have you not met
the adults in our life?
Oh, my God. Jessica Friers is coming.
Shut up.
Hey, Jess.
Dang, Aaliyah, you really do have a twin.
Y'all are even dressed the same.
Savannah.
Hey, girl.
This whole thing
should have stopped in pre-k.
- Why are you dressed like me?
- Why are you dressed like me?
Kelvin told you to wear this
and you said no.
So I had my mom buy it.
Hey, I wanna look fly for my first day.
Great call, by the way.
I'm getting lots of looks.
We both are.
People think we're cycle twins.
Go home. Or at least hide
in a locker or something.
And miss the first day? [scoffs]
That's when they hand out the syllabi.
Well, I'll catch you after class, Aaliyah.
Savannah? Wait, Aaliyah?
[chuckles] It's so hard to tell.
You better sit down.
I had Monique run that number.
Oh, what are you doing
putting that out there like that?
You needed more proof, so I
Bennie is not cheating, okay?
He told me the whole thing this morning.
So he told you about Darlene.
Who's Darlene?
The woman with the phone number.
Oh, yes. But he's not
sleeping with her, okay?
Get this, he sold his Camaro to her.
Oh, Regina.
No, he did!
All so he could pay me back.
My man did right. Thirteen G's worth.
It's like watching a squirrel
that fell from a tree.
I don't know if I should swaddle you
or just snap your neck to end the pain.
Lucretia, please mind your business.
Bennie and I are good.
Okay. All right. Well, answer me this.
- If Bennie sold his Camaro
- Uh-huh?
Then why is it
at the shop with no tires on?
Is that a rerun?
What the hell?
I didn't wanna be right.
That mother
He stood right here. And
Oh, hell, no.
Oh, he thinks he can do this
to Regina Upshaw?
Oh, no You were never no Upshaw.
But the Turners about to turn up.
Oh, damn right!
Bennie don't even know.
About to have a "talk" talk with his ass!
Yeah. Get him, girl. [chuckles]
Burn his shit to the ground.
No, wait, that's my shit.
[instrumental music playing]
Come on, Bennie, let me have it.
I'll pay you monthly.
I'll take it out
of the money I hide from my girl
when I don't give her
my whole paycheck. Huh?
Man, this is a man's car, Tony.
You're giving it to a woman.
Man, don't you got some poems
to go write or something?
That car don't look sold to me.
Hey, Regina, baby. What's up?
What you doing up here?
I came to thank you
for all you do, my king.
See, when you do
the right thing by your woman,
these are the things that happen for you.
Okay.
They come to you in a good way
What is wrong with you?!
Oh, my God!
What's wrong with you? Why you put
I could've left, Bennie.
I could've left.
I could've just packed up.
But I wanted to see the look in your eye
when I told you that we are done.
You don't do shit for me no more.
Finish him!
I know I was high this morning,
but I swear I told you I sold this car.
- Then what am I keying?
- What you doing?
What's wrong with you?
Go deeper. He can still buff that out.
No, no, no.
He's right. He did sell the car.
Oh, no, bruh. Get out my face.
We ain't doing that
"what had happened" shit no more!
Regina, calm down. Stop now. Freeze!
I had a question on
- Darlene
- What the hell?
Oh, you Darlene.
You the one that bought the car.
Well, let me sign your name to it.
Is that with one "N" or two?!
I'm not buying a damn thing now.
Too bad. My girlfriend loves Camaros.
Don't walk away. This is a dream car.
I can fix it. I'll lower the price!
- [door slams]
- Shit.
[exhales sharply]
I know this doesn't help,
but I don't want it anymore either.
You happy now?
- Look, I'm sorry. I didn't know.
- No, no, no.
But she told me that you Bennie, wait!
Shit.
[sighs deeply]
You need to work on your trust issues.
That's what got Mama.
Mm-mmm-mmm.
[instrumental music playing]
[theme music playing]