Thirtysomething (1987) s02e02 Episode Script
In Re: the Marriage of Weston
1 [theme.]
[rain pattering.]
[Woman.]
Calvin, I can see you on Thursday at 2 or Friday, but it would have to be after 6:30.
[Woman #2.]
Right.
[Woman.]
And would you call Bernie and Kaplan and Kaplan about those papers that haven't come in today? [Woman #2.]
Oh, sure.
[Woman.]
Um, did you find-- [Woman #2.]
Here they are.
[Woman.]
Oh, these are the ones.
Great, thanks.
- You're welcome.
- [door closes.]
Okay, let's see now.
Um, all right.
Let's go on.
Um, here.
Is there anything else we've forgotten, things that either of you brought individually to the marriage, property, cash, automobiles, stocks, bonds? [Elliot laughs.]
We got married right after college, so we didn't own anything.
There's my Firesign Theatre album collection.
Oh.
Let's see, now, is there anything else that you bought as a couple that you would both want to retain ownership of? There's just the stereo.
You said I can have the stereo.
- You're going to keep the VCR.
- We talked about that.
I know, but it's just that it's not for me.
It's for the kids.
That's what they like to listen to.
Oh, come on.
Fine.
Keep the stereo.
Um, books, household furnishings, recreational equipment? There's the camping equipment.
Keep it for the kids.
Well, that's good.
Remember, no battles.
That's what I'm here for.
- Okay.
- Right.
[knock on door.]
- Nancy.
- What? Nance.
Oh, hi.
Hi, how you doing? I haven't seen you in so long.
Hi.
Oh, good to see you.
Listen, can I get my blue silk jacket? Melissa needs it Saturday.
She has a big date.
It's a medium-sized date.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I never took it to the dry cleaners, and there's oatmeal on the sleeve.
That's okay as long as it covers the grape juice stain.
- Where is it? - Grape juice.
It's in the hall closet, but don't trip over the vacuum cleaner.
How you doing? - Oh, great.
- Yeah? Yeah.
I mean, last week, I was desperate, and today, I'm-- I'm just miserable.
Oh.
Don't bother.
They'll just regenerate.
Where are the kids? Elliot has them out to dinner.
Have you heard anything? I love this.
What? Um, that publisher-- Have you heard anything? No, it's been over two months.
Oh, these are great, Nancy.
You should call him.
- Oh, I can't-- - No.
Sure, you can.
- No, I-- - Yeah, listen.
When I submitted my stuff for the museum show, I didn't hear for six weeks.
So I finally called.
They were real nice.
And did they take your stuff? No.
No, but the head of the museum committee took me out to lunch and bought me a Chinese chickensalad.
- Call tomorrow.
- I don't even like Chinese chicken salad.
- [thud.]
- growling.]
Oh! Ethan! Come on, you.
You're going too far! Hi, sweetie.
How are you? Did you have a nice day? Hey, what is that in your hand, huh? - A tiger.
- Where'd you get that? [Ethan.]
We had French fries and milkshakes.
Hi, Hope.
Hi, Elliot.
How are you? Hi, Melissa.
Uh, milkshake and French fries, huh? Look at these pants.
They're ruined.
I thought you were getting them dinner.
I did.
Come on.
I'll get you some string cheese or some carrots.
Okay? [Nancy.]
Want some? Mom, where'd you put my bag of markers? I didn't put them anywhere, Ethan.
They're right where you left them.
Uh, we're going.
Bye, everybody.
Bye.
I'll see you.
- Bye, Nancy.
- Bye.
Okay.
- [door closes.]
- [sighs.]
Uh, I-- I thought I'd take the stereo now.
So take it.
- Mom? - Yeah? What's W-E-R-E-W-O-L-F? Werewolf.
Now, go to sleep.
[man scatting.]
[chuckles.]
[rock blaring.]
If I had ever been here before I would probably feel the way you know I do I do If I had a-- [stops.]
Aw, darn it.
[tapping stereo unit.]
Oh, for crying out loud.
Mr.
Jack Bronstein, please? Yes, thank you very much.
No, don't say "Mister.
" Just say Jack Bronstein.
Hello.
Just do it.
Just shut up and do it.
Just stop thinking about it.
Stop talking about it.
You'll never do it.
Just-- Bronstein.
Bronstein.
Bronstein.
- [dial tone.]
- Hi.
Yeah, I'm fine.
Thank you.
How are you? [whispering numbers.]
Okay.
[whispering.]
[whispering.]
Hello.
Hi.
How are you? [aloud.]
Hello.
Hi.
Um-- Is Jack Bronstein there? Um, yeah.
This is Nancy, uh, Krieger.
Thank you.
[sighs.]
Hello.
Hi.
Um I'm-- I'm sorry to bother you.
I don't think that you know who I-- Well, I know that you don't know who I am, but I-- I sent you a manuscript.
I-- I got your number from Emily Birch, and I know that you get a lot of manuscri-- Mm-hmm.
Mmm, yeah.
Mm-hmm.
[sighs.]
Uh-huh.
Uh, Whose Forest Is This? Yeah, I-- I did the illustrations, too.
Oh.
Well, is there any way that I can get it to the top of the pile? Icould put on tap shoes and come in and-- and tap the story for you.
Or I could take you out to lunch and buy you a Chinese chicken salad.
I mean, I don't know! I have been in this house with my kids for seven years.
Just-- Please just tell me how these things are done.
B-- Oh, really? Oh.
Welln-no.
No, I don't like Chinese chicken salad, either.
I-- I think it's all the almonds that they put in the salad.
Y-Yeah.
Do we need a collection agency? Oh, Elliot, do we need a collection agency? That sounds so sleazy.
We need new accounts, Mike.
What's wrong with us? I mean, we're a good army.
I mean-- Yes, we're good.
We're very good.
We're fresh.
We're bold.
- Yeah.
- We're the cutting edge.
We are.
[Michael sighs.]
Adrienne thinks so.
And Adrienne should know.
Who's Adrienne? She's a lawyer I met at Monica Kramer's party.
Oh.
I thought you had a lawyer.
- Yeah, she doesn't know that.
- [laughs.]
[sighing.]
Oh - She's very cute.
- Really! - Yeah.
She's really cute.
- [laughs.]
- Did you sleep with her, Elliot? - Not yet.
But when I told her I designed a Ticonderoga Beer label, she was very impressed.
Idesigned the Ticonderoga Beer label.
Mike, I, uh I don't know how to say this.
I got-- I got a bit of a problem.
Oh, yeah? Adrienne's a transvestite.
[both laugh.]
No.
I, uh, I have to take an advance on my draw again.
- How much? - Well, I don't know.
I mean, you know, a couple hundred.
- Maybe a thousand.
- Oh, Elliot.
You know, we just-- [sighs.]
[chuckles.]
[sighs.]
Is everything okay? Yeah! You know.
Things are great.
It's just, you know, I got rent.
And then I got the mortgage payment.
And Nancy's car needs a new transmission.
- Looks like Ethan's going to need braces.
- I know.
Okay.
- So he's got orthodontist stuff and, you know - Yeah.
- It's-- - I know.
I know.
So you know any cute orthodontists? [Michael chuckles.]
Could I have a cup of tea, Louise? - Sure.
Right away.
- You want tea? Coffee? - Oh.
No, thanks.
- Chinese chickensalad? [chuckling.]
No.
[both chuckle.]
Please.
Sit down.
I like this so very much.
You do? Yeah.
[chuckles.]
Oh.
Well, I mean, I-- I never thought-- - You do? - Yeah.
Your-- Your illustrations, your drawings, are-- are extraordinary.
You know, I haven't seen anything like this in [sighs.]
You know, there's so much junk that comes through this office.
You know, especially when the same person does the text and the illustrations.
Um, did you like the story? The story's a little weak in places.
And that's why I can't recommend this to Harvey right now for publication.
But I think that if you and I worked on this together Uh, would you like to do that? Yeah.
That would be absolutely great! Good.
Now, let me show you what I had in mind.
Oh! Oh, I have to pick up my kids at 3:00.
- Oh? - Two kids.
I-- I have two kids.
My husband and I are getting a divorce.
Oh.
I have one.
Oh, she's beautiful.
Lauren.
Yeah.
She's 13.
[chuckles.]
She's She lives with her mother in New York.
Yeah, I hate that.
You know? - Being so far away from each other.
- Right.
How old are your kids? Oh, Ethan is 6, and Brittany's 4.
Uh, Eth-- Well, most of this story was really Ethan's idea.
Yeah? Well, you two make a great team.
Oh, thanks.
Okay, let me bring up the part about the sun.
- You know, the-- - Oh, I know which part.
Yeah, it's unresolved.
You know what I mean? You know, I really don't know that I need a lawyer really.
Mediation's a terrific tool, but you have to have a lawyer look over the settlement.
Didn't your mediator tell you that? I always figured there was time.
Ooh, crab cakes.
I love crab cakes.
- As long as they're not mushy.
- Yeah.
You know what? Let's get some champagne.
What's a champagne cocktail? Victor Lazlo would always order those.
I always loved that.
[whistles.]
What? Nothing.
And when you sell your house, there will be lots of loose ends.
What? The equitable distribution from the sale of the house.
Am I selling my-- I'm not selling my house.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I thought that you said-- Well, you must be doing really well at that advertising place of yours.
Not really.
- It's just-- - Yeah, excuse me.
Can I get the wine list, please? I'm sorry, what? It's just that in my experience, people, you know, like us can't afford house payments and the expense of an apartment-- Unless, oh, I don't know, your ex-wife has a really great job.
[scoffs.]
No.
She's not like you at all.
I mean, you know what? You're really-- You're, like, dynamic.
I like that about you.
That's what my ex-husband said, and then he had the locks changed and left town with my 325 convertible.
What? He locked you out of the house? Was he crazy? You're sweet.
Listen, I know that the house is important to the kids, but so is your financial well-being.
Mm-hmm.
And think about having a lawyer-- I am thinking about having a lawyer.
You really are sweet.
Are you going to order the crab cakes? Because if you don't, I will.
[humming.]
[laughs.]
- Ready? - Yes.
Ethan.
If she plays that tape one more time, I'm going to kill her.
Is that your princess dress? Why, it used to be, but now it's going to be yours, okay? [dial tone beeps.]
Ethan, what is that noise? - If she plays that tape one more time-- - What is that? - [growls.]
- I never get to play mine.
She always plays hers.
- [doorbell rings.]
- Oh, please.
Give me a break.
Now, I will be back in one minute.
I don't want you to kill your sister, you hear me? [TV drones.]
Stupidhead.
- Who is it? - Jack Bronstein.
- Who? - Jack Bronstein.
Oh.
Um, um, just a minute.
I, um-- - Hi.
- Hi.
I thought you were going to call if-- I called, but the phone was busy.
- I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry, I didn't know.
Come in.
No, that's okay.
Okay.
I wanted you to get these books right away.
Oh, that is so nice of you.
Thank you.
- Oh, I've never-- - Hi.
Hi.
There are no peanut butter crackers on Mars, and you can't roller skate on the rings of Saturn.
Space is beautiful, but it's empty and lonely, and I'm staying right here from now on.
Come on.
Come on, you guys.
Time to go to sleep.
That one's okay, but I like the robot one best.
Yeah, me, too.
- Good night.
- Thanks.
Bye.
[clatters.]
Come on, sweetie.
Let's go to bed.
You're so sleepy.
All right, ma'am.
That looks really great.
I love it.
I love the outfit and everything, but I think it just needs one thing.
- A little bit of this in here.
- Oh.
[typewriter whirrs.]
[Woman.]
The wife shall have custody of the children, subject to visitation by husband.
Husband shall pay to the wife for the support, maintenance, and education of the minor children the sum of-- And that's what we want to finish discussing.
Husband's obligation shall make such payment-- To make such payment shall terminate upon the child's death, reaching the age of maturity unless education is continuing, marriage or emancipation of said child, whichever of the events shall occur first.
Ethan! Get away from there.
Come on, I got the worm ready.
Can we go for pizza tonight? Absolutely.
Mushrooms, pepperoni, worm guts.
There you go.
So how's Mom doing? Okay.
Yeah? She got a lot of friends visiting her and stuff? Yeah, sure.
Yeah? Like who? Hope, Melissa, Jack.
Hope's nice.
Who's Jack? He's an editor for the book.
What book? Whose Forest Is This? She's got an editor? Yeah.
- For the story about the prince and the forest? - Yeah.
That's my story, Ethan.
I mean, that's our story, yours and mine.
We thought of that story together.
She did these real neat drawings.
Dad! Uh, all right.
I'll get the hat.
Here.
Hold her.
Hold her.
Did he throw his hat in? Stay.
Ellyn, I'm getting that feeling.
What feeling? You know, that giggly feeling.
That preteen shopping for a training bra feeling.
I mean, what does he do if-- What? You know, if he gets-- Tumescent.
Question is what do I do? I pretend I don't know you.
Okay, everybody remember-- We're looking for areas of light and dark.
He's cute, too.
I wonder what his areas of light and dark look like.
Ask Nancy.
What? [screams.]
[shrieks.]
Can I open my eyes yet? Wait, wait, wait.
Okay.
Oh, God, you said it was gone.
I didn't say it was gone.
I just said you could open your eyes.
That's all.
Oh, gross.
It was eating her.
It was-- That's what these things are all about.
Look at you.
Next time, we get something with Mel Gibson and no mutants.
Wait.
I can't see.
Oh, yuck.
Okay.
Hi.
[whispers.]
Come on.
Um Let's stay here.
Mmm.
Okay.
Elliot.
Hmm? - Not now.
- What? Not now.
I know.
All right.
You know, I never thought it would be possible that my sex life could get worse than it was with my wife.
Men who are separated-- I don't know.
Sex can be so abstract.
I wish I met you before you left her.
You mean, before I met her? No.
If you were still with Nancy, I'd have a better idea of whether you really cared about me or whether I was just available.
There would be obstacles you'd have to get past to get to me.
Wait a sec.
Are you saying you'd rather have sex with a married man than a divorced man? You're not divorced.
You're just separated.
Great.
Do you want some more wine? Please.
Mom, you promised.
Carla will be here in a minute, and she'll make you some popcorn.
No, Mom.
Honey, I don't have time.
Would you please explain to him? Ethan, come here.
Come here.
Leave your mother alone a minute, okay? Carla will make the popcorn for you, won't she? I already have a father.
Ethan.
[telephone rings.]
Hello? Who? No, they want to see what? I don't understand.
Oh.
I'm not selling my house.
Oh, he did, huh? Well, you can tell Mr.
Weston to give me a call, okay? Thank you.
Goodbye.
[whispers.]
Oh, that lying bastard.
Did I drop a brown sock somewhere? - Here's your soap.
- Thanks, Hope.
Did you tell him about the timer on the dryer? - Elliot? - Yes, Michael? The timer doesn't work.
I'll be upstairs working.
So Ethan tells me that Nancy's got an editor for this book of hers.
Who would have thought it, huh? Yeah.
Why didn't you tell me? Well, Hope and Nancy talk a lot.
I'm not always sure that you want to know about it.
I do.
So, Mike, you got a beer for me or what? You know what's pretty weird is that it's like you're becoming Nancys, you know that? I mean, she's already got custody of Ethan and Brittany, and then Hope, and now you.
That's, like, everything.
- It's hard, you know? - [doorbell rings.]
On the friends.
[Hope.]
I'll get it.
You know that story? That story's mine.
That was Ethan and my story.
At night, at bedtime, I used to tell him these great stories about the forest and this prince, and I mean, now that's hers.
Well, I don't know.
Can't you just talk to her about it? Nancy doesn't talk to you.
She just snarls.
Nancy.
I can't believe you.
See what I mean? Hi.
Jack Bronstein.
This is Nancy's editor.
This is my husband Michael, and this is-- What the hell is this about you're selling our house? I get this call from this lousy real estate agent who wants to show our house.
Maybe if we talked-- Nancy, calm down.
It's nothing.
Nothing? What do you mean, it's nothing? I mean it's nothing.
I just had the house appraised, just in case things get tight.
Without even telling me.
That is so typical of you.
You sneak into our house.
You have no right.
Nancy, it's not about rights.
I don't know whether we can afford that house.
And Ethan-- How dare you tell our son not to tell me? What did you do, pump Ethan? Don't be ridiculous.
It's you that's talking behind my back.
Nancy wants Ethan all for herself.
That is absurd.
That story was mine.
No, that was my story with Ethan, and you want to make it yours, just like you want to control everything.
The house-- You want to control me.
You want to control the kids.
Oh, knock it off.
You don't know what's going on here.
And Jack.
My good friend Jack.
- Why don't we have lunch? - Elliot.
Hey, Elliot.
Whoa, whoa, Elliot.
I'm sorry.
He's trying to sell the house, and he didn't even want to talk to me about it.
Oh, Nance.
I hate him.
Come on, come on, come on.
Elliot, why didn't you talk to her about it first? Oh, right.
That's good.
Just tell her, yeah, we might have to sell the house because I have no money, because we're losing accounts.
I mean, I'm a failure every way you look at it.
That's right, I'll tell her that, Mike.
She'll be real sympathetic.
Nice to meet you.
Yeah.
Nice to meet you.
Elliot.
[Elliot.]
Everything's supposed to be real easy? Well, it's not.
But Elliot, before, when we discussed it, you're the one that suggested-- I don't want it.
What? I've decided I don't want it.
Is that realistic, Nancy? What are you, crazy? What are you going to live on? That's my business.
I need your money to help with the kids and the house, but I don't want it for me.
I'm getting a job.
What are you going to do, flip burgers? You know nothing about it, so just shut up.
[Woman.]
Next week we're going to work with color, and I think-- Marian, are you modeling next week? [phone rings.]
Hello? Oh, um, Chestnut Hill Art Center.
Who? Mary-- Oh.
Uh, just a minute.
Is that for me? Uh, that depends on who you are.
Terry O'Neil.
Oh.
It is for you.
Hello.
Hi.
Mmm.
Nope.
I'm here till 6.
Yup.
Well, why don't you try Duncan? He's not working today.
Okay.
Oh, well.
Mm-hmm.
Ciao.
Do you think it's affected of me to say ciao? Does that make you despise me immediately? No.
It just makes me distrust you.
I mean, I imagine that I'll learn to despise you eventually.
Probably.
Who are you? I'm Nancy Krieger.
Hi.
Georgia hired me to take care of the office.
What do you do? I teach life drawing and advanced oils.
So I'll probably be seeing you, huh? Right.
Hey, can I have a chip? Sure.
Thanks.
See you.
Sure.
See you.
Ciao.
There's no way you can afford to keep the house.
I don't know.
Really? With what houses near you are going for now? Couldn't we talk about something a little more interesting, like what are you doing for dinner tonight? It's just that you don't realize how complicated this all is.
I think you need some help with it.
Okay.
So help me with dinner.
I'm desperate for help, Adrienne.
It'll have to be an early evening.
I have a breakfast meeting, and I haven't even looked at the brief yet.
I love it when you talk legal.
Wait a sec.
Looks like you got a little something here.
You're getting my ear wet.
That was a kiss.
I'm making my big play for you.
What? God, you're cute.
So, what, you're shooting me down, right? I handle a lot of divorces.
And the husbands always hit on you.
- Not always.
- But often.
Often enough.
So wait a minute, come on.
Wait a minute.
Am I one in a crowd, then? Oh, no.
Not at all.
You're one of a kind.
Well, wait a sec.
Are you playing hard to get? Do people still do that? I'm not playing anything.
You're the juvenile around here.
See you later.
Oh, no.
See, I always liked the magic Band-Aid part, because that's the part Ethan-- No, it's not that I don't think it's a great idea.
It's just that I know Harvey's going to edit it.
Harvey sounds like such a goob.
Yeah, that sums it up pretty well.
Okay.
Okay.
So we cut the magic Band-Aid.
Okay, so then what do we get? We get, um-- We get-- We get something to drink.
Are you thirsty? You want some beer? Wine? Wine, please.
Here you go.
These are lovely.
Where'd you get these? Spain.
I hope this wine is okay.
To the eventual publication of Whose Forest Is This? To us, I hope.
[Jack.]
I didn't mean to rush you, Nancy.
I know you just got separated and we just met-- Oh, no.
I-- It's okay.
Well, I was just-- I mean, I don't know-- I mean, you're a really nice guy, and-- Thank you.
Well, um I'm going to have about two bucks left after I pay for day care from my paycheck, but, you know, what are you going to do? And the editor? Is he cute? Does Hope tell you everything? No.
Michael does.
So is he cute? Is he married? Yeah, he's divorced.
He's cute.
He's nice.
Oh, yeah.
He's nice.
But what? Too nice? I am not feeling nice.
It's been a while, huh? You won't believe what I've been doing.
I've actually been carrying my diaphragm around in my purse.
Nancy.
See? Look.
You are too much.
Oh, I know.
But there is this really cute guy here.
I mean, he's really young, but he's so adorable, and he's got his hands all over me.
I don't know.
He might just be an incurable flirt.
I don't know, but-- I love this.
It's like I'm 16 again, but instead of a curfew, I've got kids.
Terry.
Hey.
Melissa.
Hi.
I haven't seen you for ages.
Yeah.
How you doing? Yeah, Libby Mercer's show, with the concrete.
Right, yeah, yeah.
How is she? Oh, she's got a hernia.
Um, you two know each other, huh? Yeah.
I know Nancy through my cousin Michael.
He and his-- Her husband is his business partner.
- I mean-- - It's all right.
- It's all right.
- We've known each other for-- My eyes won't roll back in my head if you mention Elliot, okay? You're so evolved.
Well, I got to go.
It was great seeing you.
Wait a minute.
I'll give you a ride, Melissa.
No, it's okay.
I have an appointment.
- You sure? - See you.
Yeah.
- Okay, bye.
- Bye.
I got to lock up.
No classes tonight? No.
It's Friday.
So who's Elliot? My soon-to-be ex-husband.
Yeah? Mmm.
Your hair smells like pine trees.
Sunny pine trees.
Yeah.
That's that pine tar shampoo.
I used it for the dandruff.
No, really.
It's intoxicating.
No, you're intoxicated.
See, this is crazy.
[stammers.]
I can't do this.
Why? Why not? I have a babysitter.
Who will wait for you.
No, I-- [Elliot.]
We haven't really decided if we're going to sell.
It's just I thought I'd like to get a ballpark figure.
How many bedrooms? Three.
Two and a half baths? No, one.
And a half? No.
Just one.
We always meant to put in a powder room, but Family room? No.
Den? Guest room? Office? Anything like that? No.
Not unless you count the billiard room.
What? No.
No.
Ah, water damage, huh? No, it's been fixed.
We just couldn't afford to paint it.
Hi, pal.
Hi.
I didn't expect you and Brittany back till dinner time.
Oh, yeah.
Where's your mom? She's at work.
Carla brought us home.
Who's he? This is, uh, this is Frank.
This is my friend Frank.
Hi, kid.
How are you? Real nice little house you got here.
Uh, listen Eth, I got to split, okay? I'll see you on Wednesday, though, all right? Could you do me a favor? Like, a really, really, really big favor? - What? - Don't tell Mom I was here, okay? It's going to be like a surprise.
- Okay? - Okay.
Okay, give me a kiss.
See you later, pal.
Be good, okay? Who's this little girl? Who's this little girl? Sweetie, I can't stay.
I'm sorry.
Can you give me a kiss? Can you give me a kiss? Hi, Carla.
Listen, I just came by to get some stuff, and, uh-- - Divorce, huh? - Yeah.
Yeah.
My first wife, that slut-- She's taking me back to court.
- Cute kids.
- Thanks.
[Carla.]
You hungry? All right.
Let's see here.
[Woman.]
Okay, next clause.
Each party may carry on and engage in any employment, profession, business or other activities he or she may deem advisable for his or her sole use and benefit.
Neither party shall interfere with the use, ownership, enjoyment or disposition of any property, now owned or hereafter acquired by the other party.
Each party shall live separate and apart from the other for the rest of their lives at any place that he or she may select.
Neither party shall molest, harass, annoy, injure, threaten or interfere with the other party in any manner whatsoever.
I said no, it was troglodytes that lived in caves.
Then Harvey asked me about the last five pages.
- Really? - Yeah.
You know, this window frame has too many layers of paint on it.
That's what's wrong.
It should have been stripped.
I take it Elliot wasn't too handy around the house, huh? [laughs.]
I could paint this kitchen for you properly.
Elliot did it.
Properly wasn't a word he had much use for.
It would make it look a lot bigger.
Really? Ah, here.
Yes.
So I told Harvey Nancy has a new idea for that, and we're just refining it now, and he said-- Oh, give me my fortune cookie.
- What? - Fortune cookie.
Don't you read your fortune cookie first? Come on.
Anyway, he said, "If you can solve this problem to my satisfaction, I think we can go ahead with this one for the fall.
" Oh, I can't believe it.
This is the greatest thing.
Ethan's going to die.
Now, remember, we have to get his final okay on this, but I think it's going to work out.
And there's this writer I want you to meet.
I think you two would get along beautifully.
Hey, come on.
That's cheating.
What's it say? Nothing.
Come on.
What does it say? A happy romance will come into your life.
Oh.
Is it Elliot? Oh, God, no.
Oh, Nancy.
This stage of divorce is so difficult.
Believe me, I know.
But it's all for the best.
Jack, I really like you so much.
Oh.
Well, I guess this is going to be one of those long dinners, huh? That was nice.
Ah, it was nice.
It was great.
Can I stay with you tonight? Sure, if you want to.
Come on, let's talk.
What do you want? Whatever you want is okay.
You can stay.
Look, don't do me any favors.
No, I mean you can stay.
I-- I'd like you to stay.
Okay.
You know what? Nancy wants me to pick up the kids in the morning.
I better go to my place.
Okay.
Did you talk to her about selling the house? Nancy doesn't let me talk to her anymore.
Why are you letting her call all the shots? What-- Wait a minute, you're kidding me, right? I've seen a lot of this stuff.
Couples think that they're going to get back together.
- It never works.
- Wait a minute.
I could never go back to Nancy.
Elliot, this is the hard part.
Soon it'll get easier and it'll be over.
I know, I know.
There's more to life than when Nancy and I-- I mean, what we-- What? Well, there's more.
I know that there's more.
Anyway, I mean, it's over.
Nancy hates my guts.
It's over.
Okay, okay, come on.
Get ready for school.
Hey, hey, did you eat your banana? - Yeah.
- Okay, go on.
Give me a kiss.
Go catch your brother.
Come on.
- Hi, Dad.
- Hey, buddy.
- Get in the car.
We're late.
- Hi, Daddy.
How's my little girl, huh? Wait a minute.
I forgot Brittany's costume.
Just a second.
Come on.
Get in the back.
[Elliot.]
Nancy? [Elliot.]
Nance.
[opera.]
I didn't know this about you.
What? That you were born in the wrong time.
[Elliot.]
Nancy, come on.
We're going to be late.
Hey.
Hey, Nance.
[opera.]
Each party to this agreement acknowledges that he or she has given careful and mature thought to the making of this agreement, and fully and completely understands each provision of this agreement, both as to subject matter and legal effect.
In witness whereof, the parties hereto have set their hands on the dates-- The date, and the year first, above written.
Your lawyers will okay it, and then you'll sign and have it witnessed, all right? Sure.
Thanks.
Good.
I'll put through those little changes and send it out to your lawyers.
How are the kids doing? - Okay.
- Good.
All right.
Orange.
Morange.
Storage.
Nothing really rhymes with orange, does it? Not much.
It's marked personal.
Oh, right.
You got a pen? Thanks.
- What is it? - Nothing.
Nothing.
Mom, Daddy said that the prince and the monster didn't go to the sun because the sun was too hot and they'd burn up.
Oh, yeah? Well, that would be a problem, wouldn't it? He said they went to the-- The prince and the monster went to the bottom of the dark lake in the middle of the dark forest.
Oh, yeah? And they rescued the reflection of the sun that was trapped in the cold, dark cave.
Right.
Did your daddy think of that? Yeah.
Neat, huh? Yeah.
Very neat.
Mommy, could I have some juice? Oh, sure.
Closed-Captioned By J.
R.
Media Services, Inc.
Burbank, CA And dance by the light of the moon
[rain pattering.]
[Woman.]
Calvin, I can see you on Thursday at 2 or Friday, but it would have to be after 6:30.
[Woman #2.]
Right.
[Woman.]
And would you call Bernie and Kaplan and Kaplan about those papers that haven't come in today? [Woman #2.]
Oh, sure.
[Woman.]
Um, did you find-- [Woman #2.]
Here they are.
[Woman.]
Oh, these are the ones.
Great, thanks.
- You're welcome.
- [door closes.]
Okay, let's see now.
Um, all right.
Let's go on.
Um, here.
Is there anything else we've forgotten, things that either of you brought individually to the marriage, property, cash, automobiles, stocks, bonds? [Elliot laughs.]
We got married right after college, so we didn't own anything.
There's my Firesign Theatre album collection.
Oh.
Let's see, now, is there anything else that you bought as a couple that you would both want to retain ownership of? There's just the stereo.
You said I can have the stereo.
- You're going to keep the VCR.
- We talked about that.
I know, but it's just that it's not for me.
It's for the kids.
That's what they like to listen to.
Oh, come on.
Fine.
Keep the stereo.
Um, books, household furnishings, recreational equipment? There's the camping equipment.
Keep it for the kids.
Well, that's good.
Remember, no battles.
That's what I'm here for.
- Okay.
- Right.
[knock on door.]
- Nancy.
- What? Nance.
Oh, hi.
Hi, how you doing? I haven't seen you in so long.
Hi.
Oh, good to see you.
Listen, can I get my blue silk jacket? Melissa needs it Saturday.
She has a big date.
It's a medium-sized date.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I never took it to the dry cleaners, and there's oatmeal on the sleeve.
That's okay as long as it covers the grape juice stain.
- Where is it? - Grape juice.
It's in the hall closet, but don't trip over the vacuum cleaner.
How you doing? - Oh, great.
- Yeah? Yeah.
I mean, last week, I was desperate, and today, I'm-- I'm just miserable.
Oh.
Don't bother.
They'll just regenerate.
Where are the kids? Elliot has them out to dinner.
Have you heard anything? I love this.
What? Um, that publisher-- Have you heard anything? No, it's been over two months.
Oh, these are great, Nancy.
You should call him.
- Oh, I can't-- - No.
Sure, you can.
- No, I-- - Yeah, listen.
When I submitted my stuff for the museum show, I didn't hear for six weeks.
So I finally called.
They were real nice.
And did they take your stuff? No.
No, but the head of the museum committee took me out to lunch and bought me a Chinese chickensalad.
- Call tomorrow.
- I don't even like Chinese chicken salad.
- [thud.]
- growling.]
Oh! Ethan! Come on, you.
You're going too far! Hi, sweetie.
How are you? Did you have a nice day? Hey, what is that in your hand, huh? - A tiger.
- Where'd you get that? [Ethan.]
We had French fries and milkshakes.
Hi, Hope.
Hi, Elliot.
How are you? Hi, Melissa.
Uh, milkshake and French fries, huh? Look at these pants.
They're ruined.
I thought you were getting them dinner.
I did.
Come on.
I'll get you some string cheese or some carrots.
Okay? [Nancy.]
Want some? Mom, where'd you put my bag of markers? I didn't put them anywhere, Ethan.
They're right where you left them.
Uh, we're going.
Bye, everybody.
Bye.
I'll see you.
- Bye, Nancy.
- Bye.
Okay.
- [door closes.]
- [sighs.]
Uh, I-- I thought I'd take the stereo now.
So take it.
- Mom? - Yeah? What's W-E-R-E-W-O-L-F? Werewolf.
Now, go to sleep.
[man scatting.]
[chuckles.]
[rock blaring.]
If I had ever been here before I would probably feel the way you know I do I do If I had a-- [stops.]
Aw, darn it.
[tapping stereo unit.]
Oh, for crying out loud.
Mr.
Jack Bronstein, please? Yes, thank you very much.
No, don't say "Mister.
" Just say Jack Bronstein.
Hello.
Just do it.
Just shut up and do it.
Just stop thinking about it.
Stop talking about it.
You'll never do it.
Just-- Bronstein.
Bronstein.
Bronstein.
- [dial tone.]
- Hi.
Yeah, I'm fine.
Thank you.
How are you? [whispering numbers.]
Okay.
[whispering.]
[whispering.]
Hello.
Hi.
How are you? [aloud.]
Hello.
Hi.
Um-- Is Jack Bronstein there? Um, yeah.
This is Nancy, uh, Krieger.
Thank you.
[sighs.]
Hello.
Hi.
Um I'm-- I'm sorry to bother you.
I don't think that you know who I-- Well, I know that you don't know who I am, but I-- I sent you a manuscript.
I-- I got your number from Emily Birch, and I know that you get a lot of manuscri-- Mm-hmm.
Mmm, yeah.
Mm-hmm.
[sighs.]
Uh-huh.
Uh, Whose Forest Is This? Yeah, I-- I did the illustrations, too.
Oh.
Well, is there any way that I can get it to the top of the pile? Icould put on tap shoes and come in and-- and tap the story for you.
Or I could take you out to lunch and buy you a Chinese chicken salad.
I mean, I don't know! I have been in this house with my kids for seven years.
Just-- Please just tell me how these things are done.
B-- Oh, really? Oh.
Welln-no.
No, I don't like Chinese chicken salad, either.
I-- I think it's all the almonds that they put in the salad.
Y-Yeah.
Do we need a collection agency? Oh, Elliot, do we need a collection agency? That sounds so sleazy.
We need new accounts, Mike.
What's wrong with us? I mean, we're a good army.
I mean-- Yes, we're good.
We're very good.
We're fresh.
We're bold.
- Yeah.
- We're the cutting edge.
We are.
[Michael sighs.]
Adrienne thinks so.
And Adrienne should know.
Who's Adrienne? She's a lawyer I met at Monica Kramer's party.
Oh.
I thought you had a lawyer.
- Yeah, she doesn't know that.
- [laughs.]
[sighing.]
Oh - She's very cute.
- Really! - Yeah.
She's really cute.
- [laughs.]
- Did you sleep with her, Elliot? - Not yet.
But when I told her I designed a Ticonderoga Beer label, she was very impressed.
Idesigned the Ticonderoga Beer label.
Mike, I, uh I don't know how to say this.
I got-- I got a bit of a problem.
Oh, yeah? Adrienne's a transvestite.
[both laugh.]
No.
I, uh, I have to take an advance on my draw again.
- How much? - Well, I don't know.
I mean, you know, a couple hundred.
- Maybe a thousand.
- Oh, Elliot.
You know, we just-- [sighs.]
[chuckles.]
[sighs.]
Is everything okay? Yeah! You know.
Things are great.
It's just, you know, I got rent.
And then I got the mortgage payment.
And Nancy's car needs a new transmission.
- Looks like Ethan's going to need braces.
- I know.
Okay.
- So he's got orthodontist stuff and, you know - Yeah.
- It's-- - I know.
I know.
So you know any cute orthodontists? [Michael chuckles.]
Could I have a cup of tea, Louise? - Sure.
Right away.
- You want tea? Coffee? - Oh.
No, thanks.
- Chinese chickensalad? [chuckling.]
No.
[both chuckle.]
Please.
Sit down.
I like this so very much.
You do? Yeah.
[chuckles.]
Oh.
Well, I mean, I-- I never thought-- - You do? - Yeah.
Your-- Your illustrations, your drawings, are-- are extraordinary.
You know, I haven't seen anything like this in [sighs.]
You know, there's so much junk that comes through this office.
You know, especially when the same person does the text and the illustrations.
Um, did you like the story? The story's a little weak in places.
And that's why I can't recommend this to Harvey right now for publication.
But I think that if you and I worked on this together Uh, would you like to do that? Yeah.
That would be absolutely great! Good.
Now, let me show you what I had in mind.
Oh! Oh, I have to pick up my kids at 3:00.
- Oh? - Two kids.
I-- I have two kids.
My husband and I are getting a divorce.
Oh.
I have one.
Oh, she's beautiful.
Lauren.
Yeah.
She's 13.
[chuckles.]
She's She lives with her mother in New York.
Yeah, I hate that.
You know? - Being so far away from each other.
- Right.
How old are your kids? Oh, Ethan is 6, and Brittany's 4.
Uh, Eth-- Well, most of this story was really Ethan's idea.
Yeah? Well, you two make a great team.
Oh, thanks.
Okay, let me bring up the part about the sun.
- You know, the-- - Oh, I know which part.
Yeah, it's unresolved.
You know what I mean? You know, I really don't know that I need a lawyer really.
Mediation's a terrific tool, but you have to have a lawyer look over the settlement.
Didn't your mediator tell you that? I always figured there was time.
Ooh, crab cakes.
I love crab cakes.
- As long as they're not mushy.
- Yeah.
You know what? Let's get some champagne.
What's a champagne cocktail? Victor Lazlo would always order those.
I always loved that.
[whistles.]
What? Nothing.
And when you sell your house, there will be lots of loose ends.
What? The equitable distribution from the sale of the house.
Am I selling my-- I'm not selling my house.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I thought that you said-- Well, you must be doing really well at that advertising place of yours.
Not really.
- It's just-- - Yeah, excuse me.
Can I get the wine list, please? I'm sorry, what? It's just that in my experience, people, you know, like us can't afford house payments and the expense of an apartment-- Unless, oh, I don't know, your ex-wife has a really great job.
[scoffs.]
No.
She's not like you at all.
I mean, you know what? You're really-- You're, like, dynamic.
I like that about you.
That's what my ex-husband said, and then he had the locks changed and left town with my 325 convertible.
What? He locked you out of the house? Was he crazy? You're sweet.
Listen, I know that the house is important to the kids, but so is your financial well-being.
Mm-hmm.
And think about having a lawyer-- I am thinking about having a lawyer.
You really are sweet.
Are you going to order the crab cakes? Because if you don't, I will.
[humming.]
[laughs.]
- Ready? - Yes.
Ethan.
If she plays that tape one more time, I'm going to kill her.
Is that your princess dress? Why, it used to be, but now it's going to be yours, okay? [dial tone beeps.]
Ethan, what is that noise? - If she plays that tape one more time-- - What is that? - [growls.]
- I never get to play mine.
She always plays hers.
- [doorbell rings.]
- Oh, please.
Give me a break.
Now, I will be back in one minute.
I don't want you to kill your sister, you hear me? [TV drones.]
Stupidhead.
- Who is it? - Jack Bronstein.
- Who? - Jack Bronstein.
Oh.
Um, um, just a minute.
I, um-- - Hi.
- Hi.
I thought you were going to call if-- I called, but the phone was busy.
- I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry, I didn't know.
Come in.
No, that's okay.
Okay.
I wanted you to get these books right away.
Oh, that is so nice of you.
Thank you.
- Oh, I've never-- - Hi.
Hi.
There are no peanut butter crackers on Mars, and you can't roller skate on the rings of Saturn.
Space is beautiful, but it's empty and lonely, and I'm staying right here from now on.
Come on.
Come on, you guys.
Time to go to sleep.
That one's okay, but I like the robot one best.
Yeah, me, too.
- Good night.
- Thanks.
Bye.
[clatters.]
Come on, sweetie.
Let's go to bed.
You're so sleepy.
All right, ma'am.
That looks really great.
I love it.
I love the outfit and everything, but I think it just needs one thing.
- A little bit of this in here.
- Oh.
[typewriter whirrs.]
[Woman.]
The wife shall have custody of the children, subject to visitation by husband.
Husband shall pay to the wife for the support, maintenance, and education of the minor children the sum of-- And that's what we want to finish discussing.
Husband's obligation shall make such payment-- To make such payment shall terminate upon the child's death, reaching the age of maturity unless education is continuing, marriage or emancipation of said child, whichever of the events shall occur first.
Ethan! Get away from there.
Come on, I got the worm ready.
Can we go for pizza tonight? Absolutely.
Mushrooms, pepperoni, worm guts.
There you go.
So how's Mom doing? Okay.
Yeah? She got a lot of friends visiting her and stuff? Yeah, sure.
Yeah? Like who? Hope, Melissa, Jack.
Hope's nice.
Who's Jack? He's an editor for the book.
What book? Whose Forest Is This? She's got an editor? Yeah.
- For the story about the prince and the forest? - Yeah.
That's my story, Ethan.
I mean, that's our story, yours and mine.
We thought of that story together.
She did these real neat drawings.
Dad! Uh, all right.
I'll get the hat.
Here.
Hold her.
Hold her.
Did he throw his hat in? Stay.
Ellyn, I'm getting that feeling.
What feeling? You know, that giggly feeling.
That preteen shopping for a training bra feeling.
I mean, what does he do if-- What? You know, if he gets-- Tumescent.
Question is what do I do? I pretend I don't know you.
Okay, everybody remember-- We're looking for areas of light and dark.
He's cute, too.
I wonder what his areas of light and dark look like.
Ask Nancy.
What? [screams.]
[shrieks.]
Can I open my eyes yet? Wait, wait, wait.
Okay.
Oh, God, you said it was gone.
I didn't say it was gone.
I just said you could open your eyes.
That's all.
Oh, gross.
It was eating her.
It was-- That's what these things are all about.
Look at you.
Next time, we get something with Mel Gibson and no mutants.
Wait.
I can't see.
Oh, yuck.
Okay.
Hi.
[whispers.]
Come on.
Um Let's stay here.
Mmm.
Okay.
Elliot.
Hmm? - Not now.
- What? Not now.
I know.
All right.
You know, I never thought it would be possible that my sex life could get worse than it was with my wife.
Men who are separated-- I don't know.
Sex can be so abstract.
I wish I met you before you left her.
You mean, before I met her? No.
If you were still with Nancy, I'd have a better idea of whether you really cared about me or whether I was just available.
There would be obstacles you'd have to get past to get to me.
Wait a sec.
Are you saying you'd rather have sex with a married man than a divorced man? You're not divorced.
You're just separated.
Great.
Do you want some more wine? Please.
Mom, you promised.
Carla will be here in a minute, and she'll make you some popcorn.
No, Mom.
Honey, I don't have time.
Would you please explain to him? Ethan, come here.
Come here.
Leave your mother alone a minute, okay? Carla will make the popcorn for you, won't she? I already have a father.
Ethan.
[telephone rings.]
Hello? Who? No, they want to see what? I don't understand.
Oh.
I'm not selling my house.
Oh, he did, huh? Well, you can tell Mr.
Weston to give me a call, okay? Thank you.
Goodbye.
[whispers.]
Oh, that lying bastard.
Did I drop a brown sock somewhere? - Here's your soap.
- Thanks, Hope.
Did you tell him about the timer on the dryer? - Elliot? - Yes, Michael? The timer doesn't work.
I'll be upstairs working.
So Ethan tells me that Nancy's got an editor for this book of hers.
Who would have thought it, huh? Yeah.
Why didn't you tell me? Well, Hope and Nancy talk a lot.
I'm not always sure that you want to know about it.
I do.
So, Mike, you got a beer for me or what? You know what's pretty weird is that it's like you're becoming Nancys, you know that? I mean, she's already got custody of Ethan and Brittany, and then Hope, and now you.
That's, like, everything.
- It's hard, you know? - [doorbell rings.]
On the friends.
[Hope.]
I'll get it.
You know that story? That story's mine.
That was Ethan and my story.
At night, at bedtime, I used to tell him these great stories about the forest and this prince, and I mean, now that's hers.
Well, I don't know.
Can't you just talk to her about it? Nancy doesn't talk to you.
She just snarls.
Nancy.
I can't believe you.
See what I mean? Hi.
Jack Bronstein.
This is Nancy's editor.
This is my husband Michael, and this is-- What the hell is this about you're selling our house? I get this call from this lousy real estate agent who wants to show our house.
Maybe if we talked-- Nancy, calm down.
It's nothing.
Nothing? What do you mean, it's nothing? I mean it's nothing.
I just had the house appraised, just in case things get tight.
Without even telling me.
That is so typical of you.
You sneak into our house.
You have no right.
Nancy, it's not about rights.
I don't know whether we can afford that house.
And Ethan-- How dare you tell our son not to tell me? What did you do, pump Ethan? Don't be ridiculous.
It's you that's talking behind my back.
Nancy wants Ethan all for herself.
That is absurd.
That story was mine.
No, that was my story with Ethan, and you want to make it yours, just like you want to control everything.
The house-- You want to control me.
You want to control the kids.
Oh, knock it off.
You don't know what's going on here.
And Jack.
My good friend Jack.
- Why don't we have lunch? - Elliot.
Hey, Elliot.
Whoa, whoa, Elliot.
I'm sorry.
He's trying to sell the house, and he didn't even want to talk to me about it.
Oh, Nance.
I hate him.
Come on, come on, come on.
Elliot, why didn't you talk to her about it first? Oh, right.
That's good.
Just tell her, yeah, we might have to sell the house because I have no money, because we're losing accounts.
I mean, I'm a failure every way you look at it.
That's right, I'll tell her that, Mike.
She'll be real sympathetic.
Nice to meet you.
Yeah.
Nice to meet you.
Elliot.
[Elliot.]
Everything's supposed to be real easy? Well, it's not.
But Elliot, before, when we discussed it, you're the one that suggested-- I don't want it.
What? I've decided I don't want it.
Is that realistic, Nancy? What are you, crazy? What are you going to live on? That's my business.
I need your money to help with the kids and the house, but I don't want it for me.
I'm getting a job.
What are you going to do, flip burgers? You know nothing about it, so just shut up.
[Woman.]
Next week we're going to work with color, and I think-- Marian, are you modeling next week? [phone rings.]
Hello? Oh, um, Chestnut Hill Art Center.
Who? Mary-- Oh.
Uh, just a minute.
Is that for me? Uh, that depends on who you are.
Terry O'Neil.
Oh.
It is for you.
Hello.
Hi.
Mmm.
Nope.
I'm here till 6.
Yup.
Well, why don't you try Duncan? He's not working today.
Okay.
Oh, well.
Mm-hmm.
Ciao.
Do you think it's affected of me to say ciao? Does that make you despise me immediately? No.
It just makes me distrust you.
I mean, I imagine that I'll learn to despise you eventually.
Probably.
Who are you? I'm Nancy Krieger.
Hi.
Georgia hired me to take care of the office.
What do you do? I teach life drawing and advanced oils.
So I'll probably be seeing you, huh? Right.
Hey, can I have a chip? Sure.
Thanks.
See you.
Sure.
See you.
Ciao.
There's no way you can afford to keep the house.
I don't know.
Really? With what houses near you are going for now? Couldn't we talk about something a little more interesting, like what are you doing for dinner tonight? It's just that you don't realize how complicated this all is.
I think you need some help with it.
Okay.
So help me with dinner.
I'm desperate for help, Adrienne.
It'll have to be an early evening.
I have a breakfast meeting, and I haven't even looked at the brief yet.
I love it when you talk legal.
Wait a sec.
Looks like you got a little something here.
You're getting my ear wet.
That was a kiss.
I'm making my big play for you.
What? God, you're cute.
So, what, you're shooting me down, right? I handle a lot of divorces.
And the husbands always hit on you.
- Not always.
- But often.
Often enough.
So wait a minute, come on.
Wait a minute.
Am I one in a crowd, then? Oh, no.
Not at all.
You're one of a kind.
Well, wait a sec.
Are you playing hard to get? Do people still do that? I'm not playing anything.
You're the juvenile around here.
See you later.
Oh, no.
See, I always liked the magic Band-Aid part, because that's the part Ethan-- No, it's not that I don't think it's a great idea.
It's just that I know Harvey's going to edit it.
Harvey sounds like such a goob.
Yeah, that sums it up pretty well.
Okay.
Okay.
So we cut the magic Band-Aid.
Okay, so then what do we get? We get, um-- We get-- We get something to drink.
Are you thirsty? You want some beer? Wine? Wine, please.
Here you go.
These are lovely.
Where'd you get these? Spain.
I hope this wine is okay.
To the eventual publication of Whose Forest Is This? To us, I hope.
[Jack.]
I didn't mean to rush you, Nancy.
I know you just got separated and we just met-- Oh, no.
I-- It's okay.
Well, I was just-- I mean, I don't know-- I mean, you're a really nice guy, and-- Thank you.
Well, um I'm going to have about two bucks left after I pay for day care from my paycheck, but, you know, what are you going to do? And the editor? Is he cute? Does Hope tell you everything? No.
Michael does.
So is he cute? Is he married? Yeah, he's divorced.
He's cute.
He's nice.
Oh, yeah.
He's nice.
But what? Too nice? I am not feeling nice.
It's been a while, huh? You won't believe what I've been doing.
I've actually been carrying my diaphragm around in my purse.
Nancy.
See? Look.
You are too much.
Oh, I know.
But there is this really cute guy here.
I mean, he's really young, but he's so adorable, and he's got his hands all over me.
I don't know.
He might just be an incurable flirt.
I don't know, but-- I love this.
It's like I'm 16 again, but instead of a curfew, I've got kids.
Terry.
Hey.
Melissa.
Hi.
I haven't seen you for ages.
Yeah.
How you doing? Yeah, Libby Mercer's show, with the concrete.
Right, yeah, yeah.
How is she? Oh, she's got a hernia.
Um, you two know each other, huh? Yeah.
I know Nancy through my cousin Michael.
He and his-- Her husband is his business partner.
- I mean-- - It's all right.
- It's all right.
- We've known each other for-- My eyes won't roll back in my head if you mention Elliot, okay? You're so evolved.
Well, I got to go.
It was great seeing you.
Wait a minute.
I'll give you a ride, Melissa.
No, it's okay.
I have an appointment.
- You sure? - See you.
Yeah.
- Okay, bye.
- Bye.
I got to lock up.
No classes tonight? No.
It's Friday.
So who's Elliot? My soon-to-be ex-husband.
Yeah? Mmm.
Your hair smells like pine trees.
Sunny pine trees.
Yeah.
That's that pine tar shampoo.
I used it for the dandruff.
No, really.
It's intoxicating.
No, you're intoxicated.
See, this is crazy.
[stammers.]
I can't do this.
Why? Why not? I have a babysitter.
Who will wait for you.
No, I-- [Elliot.]
We haven't really decided if we're going to sell.
It's just I thought I'd like to get a ballpark figure.
How many bedrooms? Three.
Two and a half baths? No, one.
And a half? No.
Just one.
We always meant to put in a powder room, but Family room? No.
Den? Guest room? Office? Anything like that? No.
Not unless you count the billiard room.
What? No.
No.
Ah, water damage, huh? No, it's been fixed.
We just couldn't afford to paint it.
Hi, pal.
Hi.
I didn't expect you and Brittany back till dinner time.
Oh, yeah.
Where's your mom? She's at work.
Carla brought us home.
Who's he? This is, uh, this is Frank.
This is my friend Frank.
Hi, kid.
How are you? Real nice little house you got here.
Uh, listen Eth, I got to split, okay? I'll see you on Wednesday, though, all right? Could you do me a favor? Like, a really, really, really big favor? - What? - Don't tell Mom I was here, okay? It's going to be like a surprise.
- Okay? - Okay.
Okay, give me a kiss.
See you later, pal.
Be good, okay? Who's this little girl? Who's this little girl? Sweetie, I can't stay.
I'm sorry.
Can you give me a kiss? Can you give me a kiss? Hi, Carla.
Listen, I just came by to get some stuff, and, uh-- - Divorce, huh? - Yeah.
Yeah.
My first wife, that slut-- She's taking me back to court.
- Cute kids.
- Thanks.
[Carla.]
You hungry? All right.
Let's see here.
[Woman.]
Okay, next clause.
Each party may carry on and engage in any employment, profession, business or other activities he or she may deem advisable for his or her sole use and benefit.
Neither party shall interfere with the use, ownership, enjoyment or disposition of any property, now owned or hereafter acquired by the other party.
Each party shall live separate and apart from the other for the rest of their lives at any place that he or she may select.
Neither party shall molest, harass, annoy, injure, threaten or interfere with the other party in any manner whatsoever.
I said no, it was troglodytes that lived in caves.
Then Harvey asked me about the last five pages.
- Really? - Yeah.
You know, this window frame has too many layers of paint on it.
That's what's wrong.
It should have been stripped.
I take it Elliot wasn't too handy around the house, huh? [laughs.]
I could paint this kitchen for you properly.
Elliot did it.
Properly wasn't a word he had much use for.
It would make it look a lot bigger.
Really? Ah, here.
Yes.
So I told Harvey Nancy has a new idea for that, and we're just refining it now, and he said-- Oh, give me my fortune cookie.
- What? - Fortune cookie.
Don't you read your fortune cookie first? Come on.
Anyway, he said, "If you can solve this problem to my satisfaction, I think we can go ahead with this one for the fall.
" Oh, I can't believe it.
This is the greatest thing.
Ethan's going to die.
Now, remember, we have to get his final okay on this, but I think it's going to work out.
And there's this writer I want you to meet.
I think you two would get along beautifully.
Hey, come on.
That's cheating.
What's it say? Nothing.
Come on.
What does it say? A happy romance will come into your life.
Oh.
Is it Elliot? Oh, God, no.
Oh, Nancy.
This stage of divorce is so difficult.
Believe me, I know.
But it's all for the best.
Jack, I really like you so much.
Oh.
Well, I guess this is going to be one of those long dinners, huh? That was nice.
Ah, it was nice.
It was great.
Can I stay with you tonight? Sure, if you want to.
Come on, let's talk.
What do you want? Whatever you want is okay.
You can stay.
Look, don't do me any favors.
No, I mean you can stay.
I-- I'd like you to stay.
Okay.
You know what? Nancy wants me to pick up the kids in the morning.
I better go to my place.
Okay.
Did you talk to her about selling the house? Nancy doesn't let me talk to her anymore.
Why are you letting her call all the shots? What-- Wait a minute, you're kidding me, right? I've seen a lot of this stuff.
Couples think that they're going to get back together.
- It never works.
- Wait a minute.
I could never go back to Nancy.
Elliot, this is the hard part.
Soon it'll get easier and it'll be over.
I know, I know.
There's more to life than when Nancy and I-- I mean, what we-- What? Well, there's more.
I know that there's more.
Anyway, I mean, it's over.
Nancy hates my guts.
It's over.
Okay, okay, come on.
Get ready for school.
Hey, hey, did you eat your banana? - Yeah.
- Okay, go on.
Give me a kiss.
Go catch your brother.
Come on.
- Hi, Dad.
- Hey, buddy.
- Get in the car.
We're late.
- Hi, Daddy.
How's my little girl, huh? Wait a minute.
I forgot Brittany's costume.
Just a second.
Come on.
Get in the back.
[Elliot.]
Nancy? [Elliot.]
Nance.
[opera.]
I didn't know this about you.
What? That you were born in the wrong time.
[Elliot.]
Nancy, come on.
We're going to be late.
Hey.
Hey, Nance.
[opera.]
Each party to this agreement acknowledges that he or she has given careful and mature thought to the making of this agreement, and fully and completely understands each provision of this agreement, both as to subject matter and legal effect.
In witness whereof, the parties hereto have set their hands on the dates-- The date, and the year first, above written.
Your lawyers will okay it, and then you'll sign and have it witnessed, all right? Sure.
Thanks.
Good.
I'll put through those little changes and send it out to your lawyers.
How are the kids doing? - Okay.
- Good.
All right.
Orange.
Morange.
Storage.
Nothing really rhymes with orange, does it? Not much.
It's marked personal.
Oh, right.
You got a pen? Thanks.
- What is it? - Nothing.
Nothing.
Mom, Daddy said that the prince and the monster didn't go to the sun because the sun was too hot and they'd burn up.
Oh, yeah? Well, that would be a problem, wouldn't it? He said they went to the-- The prince and the monster went to the bottom of the dark lake in the middle of the dark forest.
Oh, yeah? And they rescued the reflection of the sun that was trapped in the cold, dark cave.
Right.
Did your daddy think of that? Yeah.
Neat, huh? Yeah.
Very neat.
Mommy, could I have some juice? Oh, sure.
Closed-Captioned By J.
R.
Media Services, Inc.
Burbank, CA And dance by the light of the moon