Turbo FAST (2013) s02e02 Episode Script

1 [engine revvs.]
# - Whoa! - Woo! # Those snails are fast - # Turbo - F-A-S-T # That's the team you'll never beat Turbo, he got super speed Whiplash, he jets to the lead Skidmark, propeller flow Chet's safe, he'll take it slow Smoove Move with them speakers, baby Burn burnin' that fire crazy White Shadow, big with no fear Now you know the team is here There they go, gone in a flash - # Those snails are fast - Turbo # - # Those snails are fast - Whoa! # - # Those snails are fast - Whoa! # Those snails are fast, fast, fast, fast, fast - # Turbo - Woo! # [grunting.]
[groans.]
[grunts.]
Oh, good! My gum's here! I was down to chewing on wrappers.
[screams.]
"Leche Loco"? What's this? "Made with agave, donkey milk, - and pure cane" - Sugar? They must have sent this instead of your usual sugar-free gum.
I better send it ba Oh, no! [yelling.]
- Boo? - Baba booey! - [yelps.]
- [babbling incoherently.]
Boo, stop! I don't like the way you're looking at me.
- [growls.]
- [screams.]
- [laughs crazily, gasps.]
- [growling.]
Prepare to be roasted, evil marshmallow monster! [laughs crazily.]
[snails screaming.]
- [laughs crazily.]
- [gavel banging.]
The defendant is accused of vandalism, biting public property, and burning a Teen Rec Center without a permit.
Now what do you have to say for yourself Bernice Guzman? Is that you? Why, I remember watching you play tetherball when you were just a wee snail.
How's your grandmother? She got taken by crows, Your Honor.
Well, that's great! Now I don't think we need to waste the court's time with these here minor indiscretions.
Objection, Your Honor! And you are? I'm her self-appointed lawyer! And I want that stricken from the record! Your Honor, if I may draw your attention to Exhibit one of 437.
This fingernail clipping found not five miles from the crime scene.
Coincidence? I think so! - [banging.]
- Enough of this hogwash! To shut you up, the court rules your client is guilty as charged.
- [gasps.]
- Well, we tried! Bernice Guzman, you are hereby sentenced to 250 hours of community service coaching the Turbotown Junior Tetherball team.
But, Your Honor, I haven't touched a tetherball in years! Would you prefer a lengthy jail term? Tetherball it is! You guys are the team? Have you ever won a game? We've never won a point! But my mom says if you believe it, you can achieve it! Well, your mom's a shellhead.
Tetherball's the sport where dreams go to die.
[thunder rumbles.]
Is this gonna be on the test? What test? There's no test.
So, what do you squirts normally do for practice? Hubert runs away from the ball, Deuce builds Turbo-shaped sand castles, and I chuck dirt clods at joggers.
- [grunts.]
- [groans.]
- Ha! Got him! - Nice shot.
Well, since you've already got a routine, I'd hate to rock the boat.
I'm just gonna go lie in the sun and even out my pink until the practice is over.
[yelps.]
Hey, Boo, I'm no "teetherball" expert, but since you're these kids' coach, shouldn't you be, I don't know, trying to coach them? And get their hopes up, only to have them crushed by the cruel world of competitive mollusk tetherball? No way! And you're in my sun.
I've never seen you give up on anything before.
What's going on with you, Boo? [Mel.]
Oh, my! Little Bernice Guzman is really burning up the tetherball court! Hey, that should be her nickname: Tetherball Court Girl! Not bad for a snail.
[Mel.]
Oh, my! Tetherball Court Girl is building a lead on the imposing slug champion Mac Slammer! Slap my cheeks and call me Stanley! She might even pull off the upset! What's this? She's risking it all by attempting the infamous Double Twist Tail Kick! Oh, dear! She missed the ball! Something tells me that's gonna haunt her for the rest of her life.
Nice try, pipsqueak! Slugs rule, snails drool! [laughs.]
I thought I could play with the big boys, but I came up short.
Sometimes I can still hear Mac laughing at me.
[Mac laughing.]
Well, well, well.
If it isn't "wittle" Bernice Guzman.
Or should I say Bernice Lose-man? - [all laughing.]
- What are you doing here, Mac? Oh, just coaching my undefeated-for-three-straight-years Slugsville Junior Tetherball team.
[growling.]
Of course, it'll be four straight years after we beat you losers on Saturday.
Why didn't you guys tell me we were playing the slugs this weekend? Um, because we didn't know it was relevant to your tortured past.
We reserved this court time, so why don't you find somewhere else to do your losing? - [screams.]
- Losers! - [laughing.]
- Hey! You can't bully these kids! I'm their coach.
Only I can do that! Well, at least your team is learning from the best.
Best loser, that is! - [laughs.]
- You know what, Slammer? When I first started coaching this team five minutes ago, I couldn't care less about it.
But now, it's personal.
We're taking you slugs down on Saturday! [laughs.]
You think I'm gonna let you redeem yourself after all these years? Let's just say the chances of that are pretty"small.
" [laughs.]
Because she's diminutive.
[laughing continues.]
Snails, we got some work to do.
All right, snails, the key to tetherball success is pure rage.
Now, come on, Singe.
Get angry! I don't have to do what you say! - Good.
Use that! - Don't tell me what to do! [grunts.]
Now, Hubert, I know you're afraid of the ball, which is weird and dumb, but I think I know someone who can help you.
Hubert, at first this teetherball might seem scary, but that's only because it totally is! It's filled with so much pressure, it could explode at any moment! - [screams.]
- [screams.]
Get it away! - Well, I don't want it! - You take it! [Chet.]
It's gonna blow! [grunts weakly.]
Come on, Deuce! You gotta get angry! Turbo says if you have a positive attitude, you're already a winner! Well, something's gotta make you mad.
Look, I'm kicking dirt in your face! [coughs.]
Yay! Now I can go take a bath with all my Turbo bath toys! Well, two out of three ain't bad.
[Mel.]
Ladies and Gentlemen, it's a beautiful day for tetherball! And a horrible day for me to be starting a new diet.
There's a box of donuts in here that's just screaming my name.
All right, snails, this is what we've been waiting for.
Now, I don't use the word "love" very often, but I'd love it if you beat those snobby slugs! - [both.]
Yeah - [whistle trills.]
[Mel.]
That whistle signals the start of the first round.
And I'm gonna use this opportunity to take a quick peek into this donut box.
- [growls.]
- [bones cracking.]
- [shudders.]
- Remember, Hubert, that ball's a bomb that's gonna explode right in your face! Splat your nasty guts all over! - [grunts.]
- [screams.]
- [bell dings.]
- [slugs laughing.]
You know, there's a subtle art to - [growls.]
- Uh, you did great, Boo.
Love you.
All right, Deuce, we actually need you now.
Please, get angry.
Look, I even made this poster to help out.
[laughs.]
That's funny, because Turbo would never say that.
[laughing.]
[whistle trills.]
[bell dings.]
[growls.]
Ooh, nice serve! Ah, this is pointless.
[gasps.]
How dare you desecrate Turbo's image! Ee-yah! - [crowd gasps.]
- [whistle trills.]
Hey, hey! A point for Turbotown! Let's all celebrate with a donut! All right, Singe, I've never told you this, but you remind me a lot of myself at your age.
Feisty, stubborn, always losing your temper.
I am not! I will mess you up! Which is why I wanna tell you something I wish someone had told me when I was your age.
You are going to lose this point.
That slug's bigger and better than you, and frankly, I don't think you have what it takes.
The heck I don't! I'm gonna beat down that slug, then rub it in your dumb face! [Burn.]
You can't do it, Singe! - [whistle trills.]
- [bell dings.]
[both grunting.]
- [grunts.]
- [crowd cheers.]
Sweep the tail! - But, Coach - Sweep the tail! [grunts.]
[Mel.]
Oh, my! An illegal tail sweep! That's an automatic disqualification for Slugsville.
And it appears Singe is too hurt to continue.
Singe, I'm so sorry! What can I do to help? You can - win this for us! - What? Rule 237B of the Junior Tetherball Rule Book: "If two players are unable to compete, the coaches must fill-in for a final round, winner take all.
" [crowd gasps.]
But I haven't played in years.
I hear losing is a lot like riding a bike.
Not sure why.
Something to do with the handle bars maybe.
I don't know.
We slugs don't really ride bikes.
Aw, quit rambling and suit up! [Mel.]
Well, folks, it's all come down to this.
I don't know if it's the tension or my low blood sugar, but I'm about to pass out! [grunts.]
[crowd groans.]
[crowd gasps.]
Oh, no! She's trying the Double Twist Tail Kick! It'll never work! [Mel.]
Yes! Yes! - Oh, the sweet taste of victory! - [whistle trills.]
[crowd cheering.]
Oh, and look, the snails won, too! Cool! Of course the slugs will still win the league with a record of 37-1.
- But who really cares? - [cheering.]
Kids, let that be a lesson to you.
It doesn't matter if you're small or scared or just plain weird.
What matters is that if you play with heart, miracles can happen.
Weren't you just able to hit the ball this time because you're bigger than when you were a kid? Do not ruin this for me, Hubert! Come on, team, isn't there something you want to say to our opponents? [together.]
Snails rule, slugs drool! Snails rule, slugs drool! Snails rule, slugs drool! Spin! Jump! Kick! Etcetera! Aw, look at him all rollin' around to earn his first karate belt.
This is gonna be cute, but mostly dumb.
I am ready, Sensei.
Before you lay waste to your enemies, you must make an enemy of your waste.
Take Out the Trash! Don't forget to replace the bag.
[screams.]
Bag Attack! Stretch! Tuck! Secure! Now, purify the bowl of destiny.
Toilet Plunge! [plunging toilet.]
As a leading expert in Strangeology, - I'm qualified to state - [toilet flushing.]
this is the weirdest karate I've ever seen.
It looks a lot like chores.
[White Shadow.]
Hedge Prune! Hyah! Um, I'm sure the real moves are coming soon.
And now, pay for my pizza.
Pizza Pay! Yeah, White Shadow is definitely getting played.
You have passed your trials and earned your white belt.
I am a ninja warrior! Is this another one of those situations where we don't tell Shadow the truth because we're afraid it'll hurt his feelings? I have never, in my life, been so happy and proud! Never! - Yep.
- Are we done here? 'Cause we need to get home.
We got a lot of work to do on our parade float! I am so excited for the First Annual Turbotown Poppy Parade! The flowers! The pageantry! The constant stalk-waving! Um, Chet, it's just a tomato.
[stammering.]
Just a toma Just a toma This is a full-scale model of Big Billy, the legendary heirloom beefsteak that crushed the competition at the 1987 Ventura County Fair! And this crowd-pleaser's gonna make me a big blue-ribbon winner for once! Kung fu! [grunts.]
Can you please be careful? You're kicking way too close to the delicate flower sculpture.
I can't turn it off.
I'm too good.
[laughs.]
[grunts.]
Dragon Sweep! - [all screaming.]
- [sculpture rumbling.]
[belching.]
Dang! What is that rank stank? I've been eating a lot of these Blue Cheese Doodies.
Those aren't Blue Cheese Doodies.
They're just expired! You say "ex-pired," I say "in-spired"! Who cares? Please, just get down off the extremely breakable float.
Back Flip and Land Like a Cat! [groans.]
- [creaking.]
- [Chet yelps.]
[sighs deeply.]
We have to gather more flower petals, so why don't you Stay here and use my skills of the Shadow Warrior to guard the float from bad guys and stuff? Or you could go home and stay there.
I think what Chet's trying to say is, guard it from - here! - Smart.
Far away makes perfect sense.
- Thanks, White Shadow.
- You're White Shadow.
I know.
But you just Never mind.
[grunting.]
[bird screeching.]
[sniffs.]
Whoa.
I've definitely eaten too many Blue Cheese Doodies.
Oof! [groans.]
Is someone there? "Hello.
I'm Silent But Deadly, Professional Stinkbug Ninja Assassin.
If you smell me, it's already too late.
" [sniffs.]
Too late for wha [screams.]
"I'm here to end you, Turbo.
" Oh, no! Wait.
I'm not Turbo.
Am I? No, I'm pretty sure that one's me.
And that one's not me.
And that one's Turb Oh, wait a sec! I'm not going to show you who he is! I shall defend him! Hey! You have just made a huge mistake, for I have been taught lethal moves like Mopping Tiger, Sweeping Dragon! And Remove Hair from the Drain! [groans.]
[farting.]
[White Shadow screams.]
[Chet.]
Son of a sea slug! You guys won't believe what just happened! I was eating my Doodies when Wham! in came this evil ninja assassin stinkbug, who wanted to kill Turbo, and I was all like Whoa, whoa, whoa.
A ninja assassin.
Stinkbug.
For real? Yes! You can still smell him! Kind of smells like your Cheese Doodie burps.
No! Those were from earlier! [belches.]
And now.
But don't worry, Turbo.
You're safe.
I am a trained white belt ninja.
[grunts.]
Enough with your cockamamie ninja stories! The only one who stinks around here is you! You stink! I don't care if no one believes me! I will protect Turbo at all costs.
I'll find that deadly stinkbug and show them all! But how? What would Master Sloth say? [Sloth.]
The answer lies below, Shadow-san.
"Wanted.
Assassin to kill Turbo.
Minimum wage.
" Huh.
This could be helpful, but how? [Sloth.]
It is an address to the lair where your mortal enemy awaits.
Master? Why have you come? To see if you picked up my dry cleaning.
Ninja Exit! See you on garbage day.
Ninja Arrival! How do you not know who Turbo is? He's the most famous snail in the world! His face is on cereal boxes! "I have spent the last ten years training with silent monks in the Shaolin Temple.
We had no TV or Internet.
" Wow.
Really? There's so much good stuff on here.
News, weather, adorable pictures of cats dressed like people.
Wait.
There's a Turbotown Poppy Parade tomorrow? That's perfect! You can hide inside a float.
The sweet smell of flowers will mask your awful stink.
Mu-hahahahaha! "Mu-hahahahaha also.
" Do you carry a card for like every situation? "No.
" "Ha-Ha.
Of course, I do.
" Okay, you're freaking me out.
Just destroy the snail already.
[farting.]
Oh, no! I gotta warn Turbo! Silent Ninja Leap! [groans.]
That's odd.
I heard someone scream "silent ninja leap" really loud.
It's probably just ghosts.
I have something to tell you.
Hardcase hired the Ninja to destroy Turbo, and, boy, am I hungry, but that's not important now! - [all scream.]
- [groans.]
I'm gonna Da-da-da-ta.
Shadow, listen.
We really care about you, but You're not a karate ninja! That sloth was just tricking you into doing his chores! - [gasps.]
- [all gasp.]
What? It's the truth! You guys may want to keep coddling him, but not me! Is that true? Have you been coddling me? - Have you, White Shadow? - You're White Shad - [sighs.]
- [growls.]
I now you love your kung fu stuff, but it does seem like the only moves that sloth taught you were cleaning ones.
I think we may need to lay off the karate, and the wild ninja stories.
- [cries.]
- Okay? [sighs.]
If I'm not a kung fu, karate, ninja master, what am I? Just a dumb old snail who only knows how to Pizza Pay! Whoa! That was like real karate.
My training did work! Time to find out where you're hiding, Silent But Deadly.
[celebratory music playing.]
Oh, come on, Chet.
Enjoy this.
You've been practicing your parade wave all week.
I just can't believe everyone made a Big Billy float.
Run to Pick Up Master Sloth's Mom at the Airport! Kee-ya! [grunts.]
[screams.]
Have you lost your mind? No.
The assassin is hiding inside one of these floats.
But which one could it be? [farting.]
[screams.]
A stinkbug ninja inside a giant Hardcase! Shadow was right about everything! - [farting.]
- [snails screaming.]
[screams.]
The stench! It's awful! - [farting.]
- [groans.]
[screams.]
Oh, I love parades.
[farting.]
[farting.]
I can taste it in my mouth! - [screams.]
- We gotta move! Or stay and hide.
Oh, gah! It's in my shell! The stink has invaded my shell! "Life stinks, then you die.
" - Oh, boy.
- [farting.]
Scrub the Tub! Dishwash of Destruction! Shoe Shine of Light! Squeegee of Ow! [loud farting.]
[belching.]
Show him who really stinks! [groans.]
That is nasty, dude! Aw, man! I have broken my vow of silence.
I must return to the Shaolin Temple for another ten years of meditation.
Can't I ever catch a break? [gasps.]
Oh, thank goodness.
It's only flowers.
[whale vocalizing.]
Well, looks like all the floats are destroyed.
So, does anyone want this, uh, blue ribbon? Ooh, ooh, ooh! Me, me, me, me, me! Woo-hoo! Best in show! I'm sorry I didn't believe you, buddy.
You saved the day.
No, White Shadow saved the day.
You're White Shadow.
I am? Cool!