Ugly Betty s02e02 Episode Script
Family/Affair
QIANQING I'm ???? It's my baby,I have to ??? DR.
??? MAYBE ??? U WILL ??? MAYBE IF WE CAN FIND OUT WHO YOUR REAL FATHER IS.
(Amanda scoffs) He could be anybody.
THEY DENIED MY VISA.
I HAVE TO STAY HERE FOR I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG.
I MAY NOT HAVE "MODE," BUT VERY SOON, I WILL HAVE EVERYTHING ELSE, INCLUDING YOUR HUSBAND.
ALEXIS, CAN YOU HEAR ME? WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING ME ALEXIS? IT'S ME, ALEX.
THIS WHOLE THING WITH HENRY, IT FINALLY GOT TO ME.
(Daniel) HENRY'S GONE.
I'M LOOKING FOR SOMETHING FOR MY KID.
(sobs) OH, GOD, HE'S GONE.
"AND IN THESE DIFFICULT TIMES WHICH CHALLENGE US ???? I'm remind??? FAMILIES" AND I ??? DON'T WORRY.
NO ONE NOTICED.
AND I WAS SAYING, "LIKE ALL GREAT FAMILIES, WE WILL PULL THROUGH THIS TOGETHER.
" BRAVA! BRAVA! BRAVA! (applause) SO THAT IS MY LETTER FROM THE EDITOR COMMENTING ON THE RECENT MEADE FAMILY MISFORTUNES.
BETTY? UM, I'M SORRY, BUT SHOULDN'T THE LETTER FROM THE EDITOR BE WRITTEN BY THE EDITOR-- DANIEL? OH, BETTY, DEAR, PIE-EYED, PIE-EATING BETTY.
HIS SISTER HAS LOST HER MEMORY.
HE'S STILL IN A WHEELCHAIR.
NOW I KNOW HE PAYS YOU FOR YOUR SOUTH-OF-THE-BORDER SPIRIT, BUT LET'S GIVE DANIEL A BREAK.
BUT HE'S FINE.
HE COULD TOTALLY DO-- OKAY, PEOPLE,???? LET'S GET TO WORK.
(woman) DR.
FINE, PROCTOLOGY.
DR.
FINE PARTIAL RETROGRADE AMNESIA THE LAST THING ALEXIS REMEMBERS IS MOM'S BIRTHDAY PARTY TWO YEARS AGO.
NOTHING SINCE THEN.
BLANK.
SHE DOESN'T EVEN REMEMBER BECOMING A WOMAN.
LOOK AT HER.
SHE'S BEEN DOING THAT ALL NIGHT.
AS FAR AS ALEXIS KNOWS, WE'RE A HAPPY FAMILY.
SHE DOESN'T KNOW MOM AND DAD ARE DIVORCED.
SHE DOESN'T KNOW MOM ESCAPED FROM PRISON, OR WAS IN PRISON, FOR THAT MATTER.
BETTY? SORRY.
I WAS JUST TRYING TO PUT MYSELF IN HER SHOES.
OKAY, ARE YOU READY TO GO? NO, NO, NO, NO.
I CAN'T.
I GOTTA STAY WITH HER.
I'M THE REASON SHE'S HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE.
WHAT? NO.
DANIEL, WILHELMINA HAS BEEN RUNNING "MODE" BY HERSELF.
SHE HASN'T TAKEN ANY OF YOUR CHANGES, AND SHE WROTE THE LETTER FROM THE EDITOR.
THE ISSUE SHIPS TOMORROW.
DON'T YOU AT LEAST WANT TO SIGN OFF ON THE BOOK? SEE, THAT'S ANOTHER THING.
HOW I AM SUPPOSED TO TELL ALEXIS OUR FATHER IS MARRYING WILHELMINA? SO THAT'S A YES ON SEEING THE BOOK? YEAH, GET THE BOOK.
(Alexis) DANIEL? IS THERE SOMETHING YOU WANT TO TELL ME? CLAIRE MEADE IS STILL AT LARGE AFTER ESCAPING FROM RIKERS THREE WEEKS AGO.
CLAIRE, IF YOU'RE WATCHING, LOSE THE ANKLE BRACELET.
CHUNKY IS OUT.
A LOCK OF YOUR HAIR IN THIS ONE AND A PIECE OF BRADFORD'S EAR HAIR IN THIS ONE.
HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW TO DO THAT? D.
N.
A.
TESTING? OH, NOT THE FIRST TIME.
SO IN 24 HOURS, WE WILL HAVE CONCLUSIVE PROOF IF BRADFORD MEADE IS YO' DADDY.
OH.
(giggles) YOU OKAY? I DON'T KNOW.
I JUST STARE AT HER PICTURE ALL DAY, AND THEN I STARE AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR.
MORE THAN USUAL? YEAH.
OH.
I JUST WISH I GOT TO KNOW HER BETTER.
YEAH, YEAH, AND I WISH I GOT TO KNOW MARLON BRANDO BEFORE HE GOT FAT, BUT CAN WE CUT TO WHAT'S IMPORTANT HERE? THERE'S A FEY SOMMERS ESTATE OUT THERE WITH YOUR NAME ON IT.
HAVE YOU HEARD FROM THE LAWYERS YET? I SHOULD BE GETTING THE NEWS LATER TODAY.
JUST WAITING TO HEAR FROM THE PROBATE JUDGE.
MOM, ALL THE BOXES ARE STILL HERE.
YEAH, I KNOW.
I'M STILL GOING THROUGH THEM.
YOUR FATHER HAD A LOT OF GREAT STUFF AT HIS APARTMENT, LIKE THESE.
YOU CAN'T FIND THESE ANYWHERE.
MOM, WE'RE IN QUEENS.
YOU CAN FIND THOSE EVERYWHERE.
THEY WERE YOUR FATHER'S.
WE'RE KEEPING THEM.
HERE'S YOUR LUNCH FOR YOUR FIRST DAY AT "MODE," MR.
BIG SHOT INTERN! YOU WANT ME TO BRING MY LUNCH? MOM, THE FAMOUS "MODE" CAFETERIA? WHERE NAOMI CAMPBELL HAD A TUNA MELT AND A MELTDOWN? THEY NOW HAVE IT ON THE MENU-- THE NAOMI CAMPBELL TUNA MELTDOWN.
(whispers) OH.
YEAH.
(normal voice) DO YOU KNOW I AM SO PROUD OF YOU? AND I KNOW YOUR FATHER WOULD BE, TOO.
OH! MWAH.
THAT FACE! AND CALL RANDY DEZERGA.
SEE IF HE'S FREE TO SHOOT THE MILAN SHOWS.
WILL DO, WIL.
OH, AND I GOT A CALL FROM ALEXA D--AAH! WHAT IS THAT? DID I FORGET TO INTRODUCE YOU TO DWAYNE, MY NEW BODYGUARD? I CAN'T KEEP CHECKING OVER MY SHOULDER TO SEE IF THAT CRAZY CLAIRE MEADE'S RUNNING AFTER ME WITH A BOTTLE OF ACID.
SO HE'LL JUST ATTACK ANYONE? IF HE FEELS I'M IN DANGER.
OH, MY GOD! IT'S CLAIRE MEADE CHARGING FOR US.
(Betty) HELP! RELEASE, DWAYNE.
WHOA! EXCUSE ME! WHAT DO YOU WANT, BETTY? I WAS JUST COMING TO GET THE BOOK SO DANIEL COULD SIGN OFF ON IT.
TELL DANIEL THE ISSUE WILL BE FILLED WITH PRETTY GIRLS WEARING SKIMPY LITTLE DRESSES.
THAT'S ALL HE CARES ABOUT ANYWAY.
BUT I THINK THAT HE REAL-- BYE, BETTY.
BUT HE REAL-- GOOD-BYE, BETTY.
I KNOW THAT-- DWAYNE.
OKAY, OKAY.
I'M LEAVING.
UH, CONFIRM MY LUNCH WITH NORA EPHRON AND MAKE SURE DWAYNE GETS A SET OF MY HOUSE KEYS.
MARC OH.
YOU KNOW DANIEL NEEDS TO SEE THE BOOK BEFORE IT GOES TO THE PRINTER.
COME ON.
PLEASE.
THIS IS MY JOB.
COULDN'T I JUST BORROW IT FOR, LIKE, AN HOUR? GET AWAY FROM MY DESK, OR I'LL ??? WHAT ARE THESE? THIS SAYS "TO DANIEL MEADE.
" THEY'RE JUST SOME NOTES FROM THE EDITORS.
DON'T YOU WORRY YOUR BUSHY LITTLE HEAD ABOUT IT.
WILHELMINA'S ALREADY APPROVED THEM.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
HE HASN'T EVEN SEEN THEM! OOPS.
NOW I REALLY NEED TO SEE THAT BOOK.
LOOK, IT'S ???? SO I COULDN'T GIVE IT TO YOU EVEN IF I WANTED TO, WHICH I DON'T.
OH, DWAYNE.
IT'S A KEY.
DON'T EAT IT.
MARC, I NEED TO FIRE CHLOE IN PRODUCTION.
I WANT YOU TO STAND NEXT TO ME AND NOD THOUGHTFULLY.
MM.
BYE.
HEY, YOU.
HENRY? ƬÃû µÚN¼¾µÚN¼¯ ·Ò룺¸öÈËID У Ô£º¸öÈËID ʱ¼äÖ᣺j¾ÆÄÒ·¹´ü&&Uranus HI.
HENRY.
YOU'RE NOT IN TUCSON.
I AM.
I-I MEAN, I WAS.
OH.
A-AND I'M GOING BACK.
OH.
I-I-I'M REALLY SORRY ABOUT SANTOS.
YEAH, THANKS.
I GOT THE FLOWERS.
THAT WAS VERY SWEET.
SO, UH, EVERYTHING WITH THE BABY AND YEAH.
YEAH, IT'S ALL GOING ACCORDING TO PLAN.
I'VE GOT MY BABY BOOKS, I'M TAKING THE INFANT C.
P.
R.
CLASS.
BUT, YOU KNOW, WHATEVER.
HENRY, IT'S OKAY TO BE EXCITED.
I REALLY AM.
THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT BECOMING A FATHER.
YOU KNOW, I COULD WORK MY WHOLE LIFE AND NEVER BE THE BEST ACCOUNTANT, BUT MAYBE I-I CAN BE THE BEST DAD.
I THINK YOU WILL BE.
LISTEN, THE REASON I'M HERE UH-HUH.
I COULDN'T REALLY FIND A GREAT JOB IN TUCSON, AND THE MEADE HEALTH INSURANCE WOULD COVER ALL THE MEDICAL EXPENSES FOR THE BABY, SO-- OH.
SO YOU'RE COMING BACK TO WORK.
ONLY IF IT'S OKAY WITH YOU, BETTY.
IF YOU THINK IT'S A PROBLEM, I'LL TURN DOWN THE JOB, BECAUSE I KNOW, IT--IT MIGHT BE WEIRD.
NO! NO? I MEAN "NO" IT'S ???? NOT "NO," DON'T TAKE THE JOB.
WHY WOULD IT BE WEIRD? BECAUSE WE GOT A LITTLE ROMANTIC? WE WERE YOUNG AND INNOCENT THEN.
AH, YOUTH.
BUT EVERYTHING'S COOL BETWEEN US.
WE COULD JUST BE FRIENDS.
BUDDIES.
BUDDIES? YEAH, YOU KNOW, LIKE, "HEY, BUDDY.
" UH, "WHAT'S UP, BUDDY?" UH, "WHAT'S THE DILLYO?" "DILLYO"? I CAN'T BE BUDDIES WITH HIM.
AND HE WAS ALL LIKE, "OH, ARE YOU OKAY WITH ME WORKING HERE?" WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY, NO? "NO, YOU CAN'T MAKE MONEY FOR YOUR BABY.
" DOWN WITH BABIES! (baby cries) BETTY, YOU NEED TO TELL HIM MAYBE THE BABY ISN'T EVEN HIS.
AND MAYBE IT IS.
I MEAN, WHO KNOWS? IF CHARLIE WAS HAVING SEX WITH FARKAS, SHE WAS PROBABLY HAVING SEX WITH A MILLION GUYS.
'CAUSE YOU KNOW SHE'S A SLUT.
THE BABY COULD BE ANYBODY'S.
IT COULD BE THAT GUY'S.
HEY, DID YOU SLEEP WITH CHARLIE? YOU MIGHT BE HAVING A BABY.
BETTY, HENRY NEEDS TO KNOW THE TRUTH.
WELL, NOT FROM ME.
I'M NOT BREAKING APART A FAMILY.
I'VE GOT ENOUGH DRAMA IN MY LIFE.
MY DAD IS STUCK IN MEXICO.
HE CAN'T COME HOME.
THAT'S MORE THAN I CAN DEAL WITH RIGHT NOW.
OKAY, WE'RE HERE.
WHAT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "WE'RE HERE"? OH, DIDN'T I TELL YOU? WE'RE BREAKING INTO WILHELMINA'S APARTMENT.
WHAT? NOW YOU NEED SUNSCREEN.
HEY.
BETTY'S SON.
NEPHEW.
MEH.
SO I'M SORRY ABOUT YOUR MOTHER? FATHER.
YES, YES.
WE SIGN SO MANY CARDS HERE.
SO WHAT ARE YOU DOING AT "MODE"? YOU AND YOUR LITTLE BAND OF RUFFIANS PICKING POCKETS? MY AUNT BETTY GOT ME A SUMMER INTERNSHIP.
OH.
GET THAT FOR ME THIS COULD BE FUN.
DO YOU NEED ANYTHING DONE? BETTY HAS ME SHARPENING PENCILS.
I MEAN, I LOVE HER, BUT YAWN.
YEAH, HOW DO YOU LIVE WITH THAT? LET'S SEE.
WILHELMINA NEEDS HER CONTACTS UPDATED.
ANY INTEREST? THIS IS WILHELMINA'S? MM-HMM.
GOOD AFTERNOON.
I'M LOOKING FOR AMANDA TANEN.
I'M FROM RICHMAN, BRETT AND JACOBS.
THE LAWYERS? WHAT DO I GET? AM I RICH? I TAKE IT YOU'RE AMANDA TANEN.
OH, MY GOD.
DO I get this watch? THAT IS MINE.
PLEASE SIGN THIS.
WHAT ABOUT THE CIGARETTE CASE? PLEASE STOP TOUCHING MY THINGS.
SO IT APPEARS MISS SOMMERS' TOWN HOUSE, WARDROBE AND AUTOMOBILES WERE AUCTIONED OFF AT THE TIME OF HER DEATH, AND THE PROCEEDS WERE GIVEN TO CHARITY.
YOU MEAN IT'S ALL GONE? NOT EVERYTHING.
THIS IS FOR YOU.
AAH! WHAT IS THAT? IT'S YOUR MOTHER'S BELOVED DOG HALSTON.
NICE TRY, SLICK, BUT YOU'RE NOT STICKING ME WITH THIS GREMLIN.
DID I HAPPEN TO MENTION THERE'S A $1,000-A-WEEK ALLOWANCE FOR WHOEVER AGREES TO CARE FOR HIM? OH! OH, YES.
(baby talk voice) WHO'S THE LITTLE BABY? SO YOU TOLD ALEXIS ABOUT YOUR MOTHER AND FEY? LOOK, SHE FOUND OUT ABOUT MOM ON TV, BUT I AM NOT GONNA BE THE ONE TO TELL ALEXIS YOU DIVORCED MOM TO MARRY WILHELMINA, OR THAT YOU REJECTED YOUR OWN CHILD BECAUSE SHE BECAME A WOMAN.
I HAVE NO PROBLEM TELLING ALEXIS THE TRUTH.
THEN GREAT.
HER ROOM'S RIGHT DOWN THERE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE ACTUALLY IN LUCIFER'S CHAMBER BEELZEBUB'S LAIR THE DEVIL'S RUMPUS ROOM.
OOH, LOOK.
A PHOTOGRAPH OF WILHELMINA WITH DICK CHENEY.
CHRISTINA, PLEASE STOP ENJOYING YOURSELF AND HELP.
WE'VE GOT TO GET THE BOOK AND GET OUT OF HERE.
(whispers) THE BEDROOM.
(normal voice) SATAN'S BOUDOIR.
VAMPIRA'S-- STOP IT.
THERE'S A COAT IN THERE MADE OUT OF DALMATIAN PUPPIES.
(gasps) HERE IT IS.
I GOT IT.
HERE IT IS.
WHO IS THAT? (Wilhelmina speaking indistinctly) WILHELMINA'S SUPPOSED TO BE AT LUNCH WITH NORA EPHRON.
(man laughs) THAT'S NOT NORA EPHRON.
THAT'S A MAN.
IT'S MR.
MEADE.
THEY'RE HERE FOR A QUICKIE, AN AFTERNOON DELIGHT.
AFTERNOON DE-- THAT'S WHAT THAT MEANS? I NEVER UNDERSTOOD THAT SONG TILL JUST NOW.
(door closes) OKAY, UM, UNDER THE BED.
(gasps) OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
(Wilhelmina) I'M SO HAPPY TO GET OUT OF THAT OFFICE.
THIS IS JUST SO DECADENT.
EVERYONE AT THE OFFICE THINKS I'M HAVING LUNCH WITH THE GREAT NORA EPHRON.
LITTLE DO THEY KNOW, NORA'S BEEN COVERING MY DAYTIME ROMPS FOR YEARS.
YOU SEEM A LITTLE TENSE.
HOW ABOUT A BACK RUB? (whispers) THAT'S NOT MR.
MEADE.
CAN I BE ON TOP THIS TIME? DON'T BE STUPID.
(TWO HOURS?) (I HAVE TO PEE) WELL, THAT WAS RELAXING.
I DO LOVE AN AFTERNOON DELIGHT.
IS THAT WHAT THAT SONG MEANS? COME, DWAYNE.
I THINK I NEED SOME PROTECTING IN THE SHOWER.
(man) AND THE PITCH.
BALL THREE OH, COME ON.
THAT WAS A STRIKE, YOU IDIOT! NOT INTERRUPTING, AM I? (scoffs) JUST ANOTHER BLOWN SAVE.
YEAH, WE COULD STILL USE A GOOD CLOSER.
I SEE THERE'S SOME OF ALEX STILL IN THERE.
WHAT WAS THAT? I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.
WHAT'S UP, DAD? YOU HAVEN'T CALLED ME THAT IN YEARS.
WELL, I-I WAS A LITTLE HEADSTRONG WHEN I WAS ALEX.
MAYBE ALEXIS CAN HAVE A SOFTER TOUCH.
MAYBE I CAN, TOO.
OKAY, WILHELMINA'S CONTACTS ARE COMPLETELY REORGANIZED.
ALSO, I INVENTORIED ALL THE GOWNS THAT SHE WORE ON THE RED CARPET LAST YEAR AND BOOKED HER TRAVEL TO PARIS FOR THIS SEASON'S COUTURE SHOWS.
AND WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG? I DID IT IN UNDER AN HOUR.
AN HOUR? YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT I'VE BEEN DOING? PRICING WEIMARANERS, GETTING A PLUMBER FOR THE HOUSE IN BEDFORD, SENDING WARREN BEATTY A 60th-- YEAH, RIGHT--BIRTHDAY CARD, TELLING DAVID SEDARIS HIS 5,000-WORD PIECE IS NOW A 50-WORD PIECE, GETTING YELLED AT BY DAVID SEDARIS AND ASKING CHRIS ROCK TO WRITE A 10-MINUTE TOAST THAT WILHELMINA IS GIVING TO PATTY HEARST TO MARK THE 33rd ANNIVERSARY OF HER KIDNAPPING-- AND THAT IS ALL IN THE LAST FIVE MINUTES.
WOW.
YEAH, THAT'S HOW THIS LADY ROLLS.
(telephone rings) HANG ON.
WILHELMINA SLATER'S OFFICE.
OH, MY GOD.
IT'S COMING UP NOW? THE CONTRACT RIDER FOR SHAKIRA'S PHOTO SHOOT IS ARRIVING AS WE SPEAK.
IN IT IS A LIST OF EVERYTHING SHE NEEDS FOR HER DRESSING ROOM.
AMBITIOUS SUCK-UPS! I MEAN INTERNS! WRITE THIS DOWN.
EVERYTHING.
I'M DOING OKAY, PAPI.
I JUST--I MISS HIM SO MUCH.
I know, Mija, BUT IT'LL GET BETTER.
???? YEAH.
AT LEAST I HAVE HIS THINGS.
WHAT THINGS? I WENT AND I CLEANED OUT HIS APARTMENT.
A LOT OF HIS STUFF LOOKS REALLY GOOD IN OUR PLACE.
REALLY? I DON'T REMEMBER SANTOS HAVING SUCH GOOD TASTE.
You're crazy.
HE HAD SUCH AN EYE.
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT.
Sweetheart, um, I know everything holds a memory for you now, BUT ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE NOT GETTING A LITTLE CARRIED AWAY? When your mother died, I couldn't let go of any of her things-- HER CLOTHES, HER KEY CHAIN.
I EVEN FOUND AN OLD RESTAURANT CHECK FROM PIETRO'S IN BAYSIDE.
IT WAS FROM THE NIGHT WE GOT ENGAGED.
YOUR MOTHER HAD SAVED IT ALL THOSE YEARS, AND WHEN I SAW IT, I I REALIZED I DIDN'T NEED ALL HER THINGS.
I HAD HER HEART.
SO I KEPT THE CHECK AND GOT RID OF EVERYTHING ELSE.
BUT WHERE IS IT? I'VE NEVER SEEN IT.
I'M LOOKING AT IT RIGHT NOW.
I REALLY MISS YOU, PAPI.
I MISS U TOO.
(telephone beeps) HEY, ???? SORRY I'M LATE, MAMA.
I'LL GET THE ENCHILADAS STARTED.
MIRTA'S NOT HERE.
THANK GOD.
ENOUGH WITH THE BEANS AND CHEESE.
YOU WANNA ORDER CHINESE? BEANS, CHINESE? (speaks Spanish) ARE YOU OKAY? I WAS JUST TALKING TO HILDA.
YOU GET LIKE THIS EVERY TIME YOU CALL.
YOUR VISA WILL COME THROUGH.
YOU'LL BE HOME SOON.
I'M SO TIRED OF HEARING THAT! I DON'T WANT TO WAIT ANY LONGER, CLARA! MY DAUGHTER BURIED THE LOVE OF HER LIFE, AND I COULDN'T BE THERE TO HOLD HER.
MAYBE I SHOULD JUST GET THERE ON MY OWN.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? FORGET THE VISA.
I'LL JUST GET ACROSS THE BORDER ANOTHER WAY.
I'VE DONE IT BEFORE.
ARE YOU SERIOUS? I HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE.
TREAT ME LIKE A CRIMINAL, I'LL BE ONE.
I WANNA GO HOME.
WELL, THEN IF YOU THINK THIS IS THE ONLY WAY, I MIGHT KNOW SOMEONE WHO CAN HELP YOU.
DWAYNE, PLEASE HURRY.
I SMELL A BURRITO.
THIS IS EMBARRASSING.
A.
J.
, YOU WERE ASSIGNED NUMBER SIX ON SHAKIRA'S RIDER.
READ THAT TO ME.
"ONE BOX OF BENDY STRAWS"? UH-HUH.
BENDY STRAWS! NOW LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT WHAT YOU BROUGHT BACK.
OKAY, SO I'M SHAKIRA, AND I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE A DRINK, SO I TAKE A STRAW, AND I PUT IT IN MY CUP.
A--OH, BUT WHAT'S THIS? IT DOESN'T BEND? I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DRINK? LIKE--LIKE THIS? THIS ISN'T COMFORTABLE.
I CAN'T DRINK LIKE THIS.
AM I SOME KIND OF ANIMAL? NO.
YO SOY SHAKIRA! AND I WILL NOT BE HOLDING MY DRINK DOWN AROUND MY CHIN LIKE SOME SAVAGE IF I'M THIRSTY! NOW THIS STRAW DEBACLE IS JUST THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG.
ONLY ONE OF OF YOU-- ONE-- GOT HIS LIST CORRECT.
JUSTIN.
THE REST OF YOU CAN LEAVE.
JUSTIN, YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF EVERYTHING.
AWESOME.
GO.
I HAVE A TASK FOR YOU.
HMM? I NEED DIRT ON BETTY SUAREZ.
I'M HEARING YOU LOUD AND CLEAR, WILHE-MEISTER.
OKAY, CHOCOLATE ALMOND MILK.
I THINK THAT THERE'S A HEALTH STORE ON 59th.
OH, PFFT! THERE'S PLENTY OF TIME FOR THAT.
I WAS JUST THINKING, WE DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT OUR FAMILIES.
YOU GO FIRST.
I'M LOOKING FOR A PACKAGE FOR ALEXIS.
IRONIC, AS I SAY THAT OUT LOUD.
(sniffs) OH! WHAT IS THAT SMELL? I THINK IT'S THAT DOG.
IT IS NOT THAT DOG.
IT SMELLS LIKE ASS.
YEAH, AND WHEN YOU'RE 84, YOU'RE GONNA SMELL LIKE ASS, TOO.
LEAVE HALSTON ALONE.
HE WAS A GIFT TO ME FROM MY MOTHER.
I GET $1,000 A WEEK TO TAKE CARE OF HIM, WHICH MEANS $5 FOR DOG FOOD, AND THE NEW BALENCIAGA BAG FOR ME.
(wheezes) (gasps) IS HE SUPPOSED TO TIP OVER LIKE THAT? OH, MY GOD! AMANDA! OH, THERE YOU ARE! IS DANIEL IN HIS OFFICE? I DON'T KNOW WHERE DANIEL IS.
I HAVE TO GO TO THE VET! HANG ON, HALSTON.
DON'T QUIT ON ME.
WELL, IF HE WASN'T AT THE HOSPITAL, THEN WHERE COULD HE BE? JUSTIN, ARE YOU DOING OKAY? CAN'T TALK.
LOOKING FOR GUA JUICE.
WHY DO YOU CARE SO MUCH IF WILHELMINA'S BOINKING THE BODYGUARD? BECAUSE DANIEL IS LOOKING FOR SOMETHING TO INCRIMINATE WILHELMINA, AND HE COULD USE THIS-- (gasps) OH! GOOD, YOU'RE BACK.
WILHELMINA WANTS TO SEE YOU.
OH, UM, OKAY, YEAH, GREAT.
I JUST HAVE SOME THINGS THAT I NEED TO FINISH UP, AND I'LL STOP BY HER OFFICE ON THE WAY OUT.
NO, YOU WON'T.
SHE'S WAITING FOR YOU RIGHT NOW ON THE ROOF.
THE ROOF? THE ROOF.
HELLO? WILHELMINA? I BELIEVE YOU LOST SOMETHING.
THANK YOU, MARC.
YOU CAN GO NOW.
YOU SURPRISE ME, BETTY.
STEALING MY KEYS? BREAKING INTO MY APARTMENT? TAKING THE BOOK? GOOD FOR YOU.
YOU'RE GROWING.
LOOK, I WAS JUST THERE FOR THE BOOK.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO HEAR ANYBODY HAVING SEX.
LOOK, DWAYNE AND I ARE DEAR OLD FRIENDS.
THAT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH BRADFORD.
WHOM YOU LOVE, RIGHT? BECAUSE YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED IN A MONTH.
WHOM I LOVE MADLY.
DO WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER? WILHELMINA, I'M SURE YOU UNDERSTAND THAT MY LOYALTIES ARE WITH DANIEL, SO THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR INVITING ME.
IT WAS VERY WONDERFUL TO SEE THE ROOF.
THANK YOU.
PITY ABOUT YOUR FATHER.
WHAT ABOUT MY FATHER? OH, I KNOW THAT HE'S STUCK IN MEXICO.
SHAME.
MY FATHER IS A UNITED STATES SENATOR.
HE HELPS PEOPLE GET THEIR VISAS ALL THE TIME.
SO WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? (scoffs) COME ON, GIRL.
I AM BLACK.
YOU'RE MEXICAN.
LET'S NOT TALK AROUND IT LIKE A COUPLE OF DULL WHITE PEOPLE.
KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT AND YOUR OLD MAN COMES HOME.
SO LIE TO DANIEL? NOT LIE, JUST DON'T SAY ANYTHING.
THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
YOU THINK ABOUT IT, BETTY, AND GET BACK TO ME BY THE END OF THE DAY.
NO PRESSURE.
AFTER ALL, YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S HOLDING ALL THE CARDS.
HEY, BETTY.
WHAT'S UP, BUDDY? AH! OW.
HEY.
STILL NOT VERY GOOD AT THAT.
HEY, I TALKED TO DAD! OH, UH, YOU OKAY? OKAY? I'M GREAT! IT'S JUST WONDERFUL TO KNOW I HAVE SUCH A SUPPORTIVE FAMILY AT A TIME LIKE THIS.
SUPPORTIVE? HE'S TOTALLY SUPPORTIVE ABOUT ME BECOMING THIS WITH THESE.
WILL YOU STOP GRABBING THEM FOR A SECOND? DAD SAID HE WAS OKAY WITH ALL THIS? WHAT ELSE DID HE TELL YOU? (Justin) AND I GOT THE SEEDLESS GRAPES, A TUB OF RED VINES.
THE ONLY THING I COULDN'T FIND WAS THE SCULLY FOODS SOY RICE CAKES.
AH, THE RICE CAKE-- THE SCOURGE OF MANY A CELEBRITY ASSISTANT.
NEED I MENTION THE '88 MADONNA "SPEED THE PLOW" TANTRUM? DON'T SWEAT IT.
YOU STILL HAVE 12 MORE HOURS BEFORE YOU NEED TO BRING THEM TO THE SHAKIRA SHOOT.
OH MY GOD.
I AM GOING TO THE SHAKIRA PHOTO SHOOT? YEP.
ARE YOU SERIOUS? THESE LIPS DON'T LIE.
THIS IS AMAZING! I CANNOT WAIT TO TELL MY YOU OKAY? YEAH, I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.
HEY, JUSTIN.
IT'S OKAY.
I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH A LOT WITH YOUR DAD AND EVERYTHING, BUT IT'S OKAY TO BE HAPPY.
U DID A GOOD JOB TODAY.
ENJOY IT.
HI.
HI.
I JUST MADE A LITTLE PERSON FEEL BETTER ABOUT HIS DAY.
I'M A GOOD PERSON.
NO, I'M A GREAT PERSON.
DOES YOUR RAT HAVE A STRONG SMELL? HALSTON IS SICK, OKAY? I JUST TALKED TO THE VET.
HE NEEDS OINTMENTS AND PATCHES AND PILLS.
OH, MY.
SUDDENLY I AM A CAREGIVER.
ME.
THAT IS SO NOT WHO I AM.
'TIS TRUE.
YOU ARE A BIT OF A MONSTER ON THE INSIDE.
THIS IS HORRIBLE.
IT'S ALMOST LIKE I'D BE BETTER OFF GETTING RID OF HIM.
HOW COULD YOU? DAMN IT.
HOW COULD YOU LIE TO ALEXIS LIKE THAT? DID I? I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT I SAID.
WELL, LET'S START WITH HOW YOU DIDN'T TELL HER YOU'D REJECT HER IF SHE GOT A SEX CHANGE.
I THINK YOUR EXACT WORDS WERE, "YOU'D BE DEAD TO ME.
" AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN TELL HER ABOUT WILHELMINA.
YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED IN A MONTH, DAD.
YOU'RE RIGHT, DANIEL.
I DIDN'T.
I SAW ALEXIS LYING IN THAT BED AND REALIZED I ALMOST LOST MY CHILD AGAIN.
THIS IS A CHANCE FOR US TO START A WHOLE NEW RELATIONSHIP.
NO WAY.
YOU ARE NOT SCREWING WITH HER HEAD LIKE THIS.
IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA TELL HER THE TRUTH, I AM.
DANIEL YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE A CHANCE TO REWRITE THE PAST.
I NEED TO FIX THE MISTAKES I MADE.
(Ignacio) MIJA? DAD? YOU ALL RIGHT? DAD, HELME! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
YEAH, IT'S AOUGH DECISION.
LET ME TELL YOU WHAT TO DO.
KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT AND GET MY ASS HOME FROM MEXICO.
BUT DANIEL'S MY BOSS.
OH, YEAH? WELL, DID YOUR BOSS BRING YOU HOME IN A LITTLE BLANKIE FROM THE HOSPITAL? DID YOUR BOSS TEACH YOU HOW TO SWIM? DID YOUR BOSS PULL YOU OFF THE TRACKS SECONDS BEFORE A SUBWAY CAR WAS ABOUT TO CRUSH YOU? I DIDN'T KNOW YOU DID THAT.
I DIDN'T, THE FIRST TWO THINGS WEREN'T IMPRESSIVE ENOUGH.
FAMILY, BETTY.
WHAT'S MORE IMPORTANT THAN FAMILY? I KNOW, PAPI, I KNOW.
IT'S JUST IT'S SO WRONG, AND WE SHOULD JUST TRUST THE SYSTEM, RIGHT? I MEAN, YOU'LL GET YOUR VISA ON YOUR OWN.
AND ISN'T IT MORE IMPORTANT FOR ME TO TELL THE TRUTH I HATE IT THAT I RAISED YOU RIGHT.
OOH, THOSE SMELL GOOD.
CAN I HAVE SOME? YOU'RE HELPING DANIEL.
GET DANIEL TO MAKE YOU ENCHILADAS! HEY, CHRISTINA, I WAS WONDERING DID YOU KNOW IF, FOR SOME REASON, BETTY MIGHT BE MAD AT ME? I DON'T KNOW.
I MEAN, WHAT DO YOU THINK? I MEAN, YOU DID LEAD HER ON, THEN RACE OFF TO TUCSON, THEN AFTER A FEW WEEKS, ONCE SHE WAS STARTING TO FEEL A LITTLE BIT BETTER, SUDDENLY POP BACK INTO HER LIFE AGAIN.
I'M SORRY.
I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND YOU.
OH, HENRY.
SHE'S NOT MAD, SHE'S JUST A LITTLE BIT CONFUSED.
WELL, I'M CONFUSED, TOO.
I MEAN, I KNOW I HAVE THIS OBLIGATION TO CHARLIE AND I CAN'T WAIT TO BE A DAD, BUT I JUST I REALLY MISS WHAT BETTY AND I HAD.
HENRY, SHE'S MAKING AN UMPTY OUT OF YOU.
AN UMPTY? JACKASS.
BETTY? CHARLIE! HOW? (sighs) MM, HENRY COME HERE.
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT THIS BABY OF YOURS, 'CAUSE SOMEBODY'S GOT TO.
OKAY, HALSTON, THIS IS YOUR NEW HOME! ISN'T IT PRETTY? IT'S SO PRETTY.
SO PRETTY.
CAN I HELP YOU? HI, I'M LOOKING FOR A NICE NEW HOME FOR MY SWEET LITTLE DOGGY.
YEAH, WE'LL TAKE IT.
SIGN THIS FORM.
SO IS THERE, LIKE, A BIG GRASSY AREA IN THE BACK WHERE THE DOGGIES CAN RUN AROUND? SURE, WITH PEANUT BUTTER AND A POOL SHAPED LIKE A DOG BONE.
AH! REALLY? NO.
HEY, UH, CAN I AT LEAST SAY GOOD-BYE? OKAY, HALSTON, I'M SURE SOMEONE WILL ADOPT YOU.
(snorts) I DON'T KNOW.
THAT IS ONE UGLY DOG.
POT, KETTLE, BLACK.
(Amanda) DO YOU MIND? THIS DOG BELONGED TO MY MOTHER.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
DOES YOUR MOTHER KNOW YOU'RE DOING THIS? BECAUSE I'M NOT GOING DOWN THAT ROAD AGAIN.
MY MOTHER IS GONE, AND THIS WAS HER DOG.
AND SHE ONCE HELD HIM JUST LIKE I AM HOLDING HIM NOW.
MM.
YOU KNOW MORE ABOUT HER THAN I WILL EVER KNOW.
AND SO WHAT IF YOU'RE MANGY AND DISGUSTING WITH A WEIRD RASH ON YOUR BUTT? ORAYBE THAT IS YOUR BUTT? BUT YOU'RE THE ONLY CONNECTION I'LL EVER HAVE TO MY MOTHER.
BACK OFF, CUJO.
I'M TAKING HIM HOME.
HUNGRY? MM! I BROUGHT YOU BARROW STREET BURGERS.
YOU MAY NOT REMEMBER, BUT YOU ALWAYS LIKED IT.
HEY, I'M NOT PICKY.
UP TILL YESTERDAY I WAS EATING OUT OF A TUBE.
MMM! THESE ARE GOOD.
SO, UM I KINDA WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT DAD.
YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN THINNG A LOT ABOUT HIM TODAY, AND YOU.
WAKING UP IN THIS BED, THINKING I WAS ALEX, I FELT ALONE.
BUT, YOU KNOW, THE THING THAT MADE IT OKAY WAS KNOWING THAT YOU AND DAD ARE REALLY THERE FOR ME.
YEAH.
YEAH, WE WERE HERE FOR YOU.
SO LISTEN, I HAVEN'T ASKED YOU YET.
HOW DID WE EVEN GET INTO THIS ACCIDENT? UM WELL OH, GOD, DANIEL, WHAT ARE YOU NOT TELLING ME? WAS IT MY FAULT? NO! WAS I DRUNK? NO, NO, NO, NO, YOU--YOU WERE FINE.
UH, IT WAS JUST, UH A DEER.
IT--IT LEAPT OUT IN FRONT OF THE CAR, YOU SWERVED AND THAT WAS IT.
WOW.
WELL, AT LEAST I SAVED A DEER.
DAD! SO HOW ARE WE? WE'RE GREAT.
I WAS JUST TELLING DANIEL I FEEL SO LUCKY TO HAVE YOU TWO AS MY FAMILY.
RICE CAKES! ALL RIGHT, UH ANYTHING ELSE? NOPE.
THAT'S IT.
JUSTIN SUAREZ, RIGHT? YEAH.
HOW'D YOU KNOW? I WAS AT YOUR FATHER'S FUNERAL.
YOU KNOW, HE SAVED MY LIFE, RIGHT HERE IN THIS STORE.
YOUR FATHER WAS A HERO.
I DIDN'T KNOW THIS WAS WHERE THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
YOU SHOULD KNOW, HE WAS A REALLY GOOD MAN.
I BET YOU'RE JUST LIKE HIM.
NO I'M NOT.
THANKS, BETTY.
DANIEL, WAIT.
I NEED TO TELLOU SOMETHING.
OH, UM IT'S MY DAD.
CAN I TALK TO YOU IN A MINUTE? YEAH.
(ring) HELLO? BETTY? DAD? I'M COMING HOME.
WHAT? DID YOUR VISA COME THROUGH? NO.
I CAN'T WAIT ANYMORE.
THIS COULD TAKE MONTHS, A YEAR.
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? DAD, NO.
IF YOU GET CAUGHT, THEY'RE NOT GONNA LET YOU BACK IN, AND YOU KNOW HOW THEY PACK THOSTRUCKS WITH PEOPLE.
YOU COULD DIE.
IT'S MY LIFE, BETTY.
THIS IS MY DECISION.
NO, THESE ARE OUR LIVES, DAD-- YOURS AND MINE AND HILDA'S AND JUSTIN.
MIJA, I'VE MADE UP MY MIND.
I LEAVE TOMORROW NIGHT.
DAD, PLEASE, JUST DON'T DO ANYTHING YET.
I KNOW HOW TO GET YOU HOME.
Let me talk to the lawyer one last time.
YOU DO LIKE TO CUT IT CLOSE.
OH, AND THE PICTURES THAT SANTOS TOOK OF HIMSELF AT THE GYM DO NOT NEED TO BE FRAMED.
OKAY, SO I'M KEEPING ONE THING.
YOU SHOULD KEEP SOMETHING, TOO.
JUST LOOK THROUGH ALL THE STUFF AND FIND SOMETHING THAT YOU REALLY LOVE, OKAY? OKAY.
OKAY.
OKAY.
LOOK, I NEVER SIGNED OFF ON BRIGITTE LACOMBE.
I THOUGHT WE AGREED IF WE COULDN'T GET MARIO TESTINO, WE WOULDN'T DO THE SPREAD.
I STILL LIKE THE DAVID LaCHAPPELLE CHATEAU MARMONT PHOTOS WE COULDN'T RUN LAST MONTH.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
YOU'RE BACK, AND YOU ARE EDITOR-IN-CHIEF.
I MADE A MISTAKE.
IS THAT ALL? UH, YES THAT IS ALL.
OH, BETTY, I HEARD YOUR FATHER'S COMING BACK ON THURSDAY.
PLEASE GIVE HIM MY REGARDS.
WOW.
THAT WENT SO MUCH BETTER THAN I EXPECTED.
BETTY, I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH.
IF YOU HADN'T GOTTEN THE BOOK, SHE WOULD'VE DONE EXACTLY WHAT SHE WANTED.
OH, I'M JUST DOING MY JOB, DANIEL.
NO, I MEAN, WHEN EVERYTHING'S ON THE LINE, YOU'RE THE ONE PERSON HERE I CAN TRULY TRUST.
YEAH.
SWEETHEART? I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH CAVALLI'S PEOPLE.
HE IS DESIGNING YOU A CHARCOAL GRAY, SINGLE BUTTON TUXEDO FOR THE WEDDING.
AND HE'S FLYING HIMSELF IN FOR THE FITTING.
LISTEN, DARLING, WITH ALEXIS STILL IN THE HOSPITAL, I'M NOT SURE A GIANPARTY WOULD BE APPROPRIATE RIGHT NOW.
WELL, YOU WANT ME TO CUT DOWN THE SIZE OF THE WEDDING? I WANT TO POSTPONE THE WEDDING.
BECAUSE OF ALEXIS? I SPENT THE AFTERNOON WITH HER.
WE'RE STARTING TO BOND AGAIN.
WELL ISN'T THAT, UH, WONDERFUL? I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND.
ALEXIS IS STILL COMING TO TERMS WITH THE FACT THAT HER MOTHER AND I ARE NO LONGER TOGETHER.
I'M AFRAID IT MIGHT BE A BIT MUCH FOR HER TO HEAR THAT I'M MARRYING SOMEONE ELSE.
YOU HAVEN'T EVEN TOLD HER ABOUT ME? I WILL, WHEN SHE'S READY.
YOU STILL LOVE ME? ALWAYS.
UH, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I HAVE TO GO CALL CAVALLI AND HAVE HIM POSTPONE HIS TRIP.
ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE ALL RIGHT? I'M FINE.
AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH! (Hilda) BETTY? BETTY! (laughs) PAPI JUST CALLED! HE GOT HIS VISA! HE'S GONNA BE HOME ON THURSDAY! WOW! COOL.
THAT'S--I'M SO HAPPY.
YEAH? WELL, TELL YOUR FACE.
COME ON! WE GOTTA PLAN A BIG PARTY! I KNEW IT WAS GONNA WORK OUT.
OH, I JUST KNEW IT! SO YOU GOT RID OF SANTOS' THINGS? ARE YOU OKAY? YEAH, I'M OKAY.
BUT YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO LIVE WITH THAT.
WOW.
I LIKE IT.
STRIKE.
(laughs) I GOTTA GO PLAN THE MENU.
OOH, DO YOU THINK IT'S WRONG IF WE ASK PAPI TO COOK? EH.
HELLO.
IGNACIO SUAREZ? YES, CAN I HELP YOU? YOU JUST DID.
(man) HELLO?! WHO IS IT? (Henry) IT'S ME.
HENRY? BETTY? CHRISTINA TOLD ME ABOUT CHARLIE, THAT SHE CHEATED ON ME.
THE BABY MIGHT NOT BE MINE.
OH, GOD, HENRY.
YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING.
YES, I HAVE.
BUT I DRANK MILK FIRST TO COAT MY STOMACH.
BETTY CHARLIE WAS THE ONLY REASON WE COULDN'T BE TOGETHER.
AND SHE'S NOT A REASON ANYMORE.
I WANNA BE WITH YOU, BETTY.
??? MAYBE ??? U WILL ??? MAYBE IF WE CAN FIND OUT WHO YOUR REAL FATHER IS.
(Amanda scoffs) He could be anybody.
THEY DENIED MY VISA.
I HAVE TO STAY HERE FOR I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG.
I MAY NOT HAVE "MODE," BUT VERY SOON, I WILL HAVE EVERYTHING ELSE, INCLUDING YOUR HUSBAND.
ALEXIS, CAN YOU HEAR ME? WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING ME ALEXIS? IT'S ME, ALEX.
THIS WHOLE THING WITH HENRY, IT FINALLY GOT TO ME.
(Daniel) HENRY'S GONE.
I'M LOOKING FOR SOMETHING FOR MY KID.
(sobs) OH, GOD, HE'S GONE.
"AND IN THESE DIFFICULT TIMES WHICH CHALLENGE US ???? I'm remind??? FAMILIES" AND I ??? DON'T WORRY.
NO ONE NOTICED.
AND I WAS SAYING, "LIKE ALL GREAT FAMILIES, WE WILL PULL THROUGH THIS TOGETHER.
" BRAVA! BRAVA! BRAVA! (applause) SO THAT IS MY LETTER FROM THE EDITOR COMMENTING ON THE RECENT MEADE FAMILY MISFORTUNES.
BETTY? UM, I'M SORRY, BUT SHOULDN'T THE LETTER FROM THE EDITOR BE WRITTEN BY THE EDITOR-- DANIEL? OH, BETTY, DEAR, PIE-EYED, PIE-EATING BETTY.
HIS SISTER HAS LOST HER MEMORY.
HE'S STILL IN A WHEELCHAIR.
NOW I KNOW HE PAYS YOU FOR YOUR SOUTH-OF-THE-BORDER SPIRIT, BUT LET'S GIVE DANIEL A BREAK.
BUT HE'S FINE.
HE COULD TOTALLY DO-- OKAY, PEOPLE,???? LET'S GET TO WORK.
(woman) DR.
FINE, PROCTOLOGY.
DR.
FINE PARTIAL RETROGRADE AMNESIA THE LAST THING ALEXIS REMEMBERS IS MOM'S BIRTHDAY PARTY TWO YEARS AGO.
NOTHING SINCE THEN.
BLANK.
SHE DOESN'T EVEN REMEMBER BECOMING A WOMAN.
LOOK AT HER.
SHE'S BEEN DOING THAT ALL NIGHT.
AS FAR AS ALEXIS KNOWS, WE'RE A HAPPY FAMILY.
SHE DOESN'T KNOW MOM AND DAD ARE DIVORCED.
SHE DOESN'T KNOW MOM ESCAPED FROM PRISON, OR WAS IN PRISON, FOR THAT MATTER.
BETTY? SORRY.
I WAS JUST TRYING TO PUT MYSELF IN HER SHOES.
OKAY, ARE YOU READY TO GO? NO, NO, NO, NO.
I CAN'T.
I GOTTA STAY WITH HER.
I'M THE REASON SHE'S HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE.
WHAT? NO.
DANIEL, WILHELMINA HAS BEEN RUNNING "MODE" BY HERSELF.
SHE HASN'T TAKEN ANY OF YOUR CHANGES, AND SHE WROTE THE LETTER FROM THE EDITOR.
THE ISSUE SHIPS TOMORROW.
DON'T YOU AT LEAST WANT TO SIGN OFF ON THE BOOK? SEE, THAT'S ANOTHER THING.
HOW I AM SUPPOSED TO TELL ALEXIS OUR FATHER IS MARRYING WILHELMINA? SO THAT'S A YES ON SEEING THE BOOK? YEAH, GET THE BOOK.
(Alexis) DANIEL? IS THERE SOMETHING YOU WANT TO TELL ME? CLAIRE MEADE IS STILL AT LARGE AFTER ESCAPING FROM RIKERS THREE WEEKS AGO.
CLAIRE, IF YOU'RE WATCHING, LOSE THE ANKLE BRACELET.
CHUNKY IS OUT.
A LOCK OF YOUR HAIR IN THIS ONE AND A PIECE OF BRADFORD'S EAR HAIR IN THIS ONE.
HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW TO DO THAT? D.
N.
A.
TESTING? OH, NOT THE FIRST TIME.
SO IN 24 HOURS, WE WILL HAVE CONCLUSIVE PROOF IF BRADFORD MEADE IS YO' DADDY.
OH.
(giggles) YOU OKAY? I DON'T KNOW.
I JUST STARE AT HER PICTURE ALL DAY, AND THEN I STARE AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR.
MORE THAN USUAL? YEAH.
OH.
I JUST WISH I GOT TO KNOW HER BETTER.
YEAH, YEAH, AND I WISH I GOT TO KNOW MARLON BRANDO BEFORE HE GOT FAT, BUT CAN WE CUT TO WHAT'S IMPORTANT HERE? THERE'S A FEY SOMMERS ESTATE OUT THERE WITH YOUR NAME ON IT.
HAVE YOU HEARD FROM THE LAWYERS YET? I SHOULD BE GETTING THE NEWS LATER TODAY.
JUST WAITING TO HEAR FROM THE PROBATE JUDGE.
MOM, ALL THE BOXES ARE STILL HERE.
YEAH, I KNOW.
I'M STILL GOING THROUGH THEM.
YOUR FATHER HAD A LOT OF GREAT STUFF AT HIS APARTMENT, LIKE THESE.
YOU CAN'T FIND THESE ANYWHERE.
MOM, WE'RE IN QUEENS.
YOU CAN FIND THOSE EVERYWHERE.
THEY WERE YOUR FATHER'S.
WE'RE KEEPING THEM.
HERE'S YOUR LUNCH FOR YOUR FIRST DAY AT "MODE," MR.
BIG SHOT INTERN! YOU WANT ME TO BRING MY LUNCH? MOM, THE FAMOUS "MODE" CAFETERIA? WHERE NAOMI CAMPBELL HAD A TUNA MELT AND A MELTDOWN? THEY NOW HAVE IT ON THE MENU-- THE NAOMI CAMPBELL TUNA MELTDOWN.
(whispers) OH.
YEAH.
(normal voice) DO YOU KNOW I AM SO PROUD OF YOU? AND I KNOW YOUR FATHER WOULD BE, TOO.
OH! MWAH.
THAT FACE! AND CALL RANDY DEZERGA.
SEE IF HE'S FREE TO SHOOT THE MILAN SHOWS.
WILL DO, WIL.
OH, AND I GOT A CALL FROM ALEXA D--AAH! WHAT IS THAT? DID I FORGET TO INTRODUCE YOU TO DWAYNE, MY NEW BODYGUARD? I CAN'T KEEP CHECKING OVER MY SHOULDER TO SEE IF THAT CRAZY CLAIRE MEADE'S RUNNING AFTER ME WITH A BOTTLE OF ACID.
SO HE'LL JUST ATTACK ANYONE? IF HE FEELS I'M IN DANGER.
OH, MY GOD! IT'S CLAIRE MEADE CHARGING FOR US.
(Betty) HELP! RELEASE, DWAYNE.
WHOA! EXCUSE ME! WHAT DO YOU WANT, BETTY? I WAS JUST COMING TO GET THE BOOK SO DANIEL COULD SIGN OFF ON IT.
TELL DANIEL THE ISSUE WILL BE FILLED WITH PRETTY GIRLS WEARING SKIMPY LITTLE DRESSES.
THAT'S ALL HE CARES ABOUT ANYWAY.
BUT I THINK THAT HE REAL-- BYE, BETTY.
BUT HE REAL-- GOOD-BYE, BETTY.
I KNOW THAT-- DWAYNE.
OKAY, OKAY.
I'M LEAVING.
UH, CONFIRM MY LUNCH WITH NORA EPHRON AND MAKE SURE DWAYNE GETS A SET OF MY HOUSE KEYS.
MARC OH.
YOU KNOW DANIEL NEEDS TO SEE THE BOOK BEFORE IT GOES TO THE PRINTER.
COME ON.
PLEASE.
THIS IS MY JOB.
COULDN'T I JUST BORROW IT FOR, LIKE, AN HOUR? GET AWAY FROM MY DESK, OR I'LL ??? WHAT ARE THESE? THIS SAYS "TO DANIEL MEADE.
" THEY'RE JUST SOME NOTES FROM THE EDITORS.
DON'T YOU WORRY YOUR BUSHY LITTLE HEAD ABOUT IT.
WILHELMINA'S ALREADY APPROVED THEM.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
HE HASN'T EVEN SEEN THEM! OOPS.
NOW I REALLY NEED TO SEE THAT BOOK.
LOOK, IT'S ???? SO I COULDN'T GIVE IT TO YOU EVEN IF I WANTED TO, WHICH I DON'T.
OH, DWAYNE.
IT'S A KEY.
DON'T EAT IT.
MARC, I NEED TO FIRE CHLOE IN PRODUCTION.
I WANT YOU TO STAND NEXT TO ME AND NOD THOUGHTFULLY.
MM.
BYE.
HEY, YOU.
HENRY? ƬÃû µÚN¼¾µÚN¼¯ ·Ò룺¸öÈËID У Ô£º¸öÈËID ʱ¼äÖ᣺j¾ÆÄÒ·¹´ü&&Uranus HI.
HENRY.
YOU'RE NOT IN TUCSON.
I AM.
I-I MEAN, I WAS.
OH.
A-AND I'M GOING BACK.
OH.
I-I-I'M REALLY SORRY ABOUT SANTOS.
YEAH, THANKS.
I GOT THE FLOWERS.
THAT WAS VERY SWEET.
SO, UH, EVERYTHING WITH THE BABY AND YEAH.
YEAH, IT'S ALL GOING ACCORDING TO PLAN.
I'VE GOT MY BABY BOOKS, I'M TAKING THE INFANT C.
P.
R.
CLASS.
BUT, YOU KNOW, WHATEVER.
HENRY, IT'S OKAY TO BE EXCITED.
I REALLY AM.
THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT BECOMING A FATHER.
YOU KNOW, I COULD WORK MY WHOLE LIFE AND NEVER BE THE BEST ACCOUNTANT, BUT MAYBE I-I CAN BE THE BEST DAD.
I THINK YOU WILL BE.
LISTEN, THE REASON I'M HERE UH-HUH.
I COULDN'T REALLY FIND A GREAT JOB IN TUCSON, AND THE MEADE HEALTH INSURANCE WOULD COVER ALL THE MEDICAL EXPENSES FOR THE BABY, SO-- OH.
SO YOU'RE COMING BACK TO WORK.
ONLY IF IT'S OKAY WITH YOU, BETTY.
IF YOU THINK IT'S A PROBLEM, I'LL TURN DOWN THE JOB, BECAUSE I KNOW, IT--IT MIGHT BE WEIRD.
NO! NO? I MEAN "NO" IT'S ???? NOT "NO," DON'T TAKE THE JOB.
WHY WOULD IT BE WEIRD? BECAUSE WE GOT A LITTLE ROMANTIC? WE WERE YOUNG AND INNOCENT THEN.
AH, YOUTH.
BUT EVERYTHING'S COOL BETWEEN US.
WE COULD JUST BE FRIENDS.
BUDDIES.
BUDDIES? YEAH, YOU KNOW, LIKE, "HEY, BUDDY.
" UH, "WHAT'S UP, BUDDY?" UH, "WHAT'S THE DILLYO?" "DILLYO"? I CAN'T BE BUDDIES WITH HIM.
AND HE WAS ALL LIKE, "OH, ARE YOU OKAY WITH ME WORKING HERE?" WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY, NO? "NO, YOU CAN'T MAKE MONEY FOR YOUR BABY.
" DOWN WITH BABIES! (baby cries) BETTY, YOU NEED TO TELL HIM MAYBE THE BABY ISN'T EVEN HIS.
AND MAYBE IT IS.
I MEAN, WHO KNOWS? IF CHARLIE WAS HAVING SEX WITH FARKAS, SHE WAS PROBABLY HAVING SEX WITH A MILLION GUYS.
'CAUSE YOU KNOW SHE'S A SLUT.
THE BABY COULD BE ANYBODY'S.
IT COULD BE THAT GUY'S.
HEY, DID YOU SLEEP WITH CHARLIE? YOU MIGHT BE HAVING A BABY.
BETTY, HENRY NEEDS TO KNOW THE TRUTH.
WELL, NOT FROM ME.
I'M NOT BREAKING APART A FAMILY.
I'VE GOT ENOUGH DRAMA IN MY LIFE.
MY DAD IS STUCK IN MEXICO.
HE CAN'T COME HOME.
THAT'S MORE THAN I CAN DEAL WITH RIGHT NOW.
OKAY, WE'RE HERE.
WHAT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "WE'RE HERE"? OH, DIDN'T I TELL YOU? WE'RE BREAKING INTO WILHELMINA'S APARTMENT.
WHAT? NOW YOU NEED SUNSCREEN.
HEY.
BETTY'S SON.
NEPHEW.
MEH.
SO I'M SORRY ABOUT YOUR MOTHER? FATHER.
YES, YES.
WE SIGN SO MANY CARDS HERE.
SO WHAT ARE YOU DOING AT "MODE"? YOU AND YOUR LITTLE BAND OF RUFFIANS PICKING POCKETS? MY AUNT BETTY GOT ME A SUMMER INTERNSHIP.
OH.
GET THAT FOR ME THIS COULD BE FUN.
DO YOU NEED ANYTHING DONE? BETTY HAS ME SHARPENING PENCILS.
I MEAN, I LOVE HER, BUT YAWN.
YEAH, HOW DO YOU LIVE WITH THAT? LET'S SEE.
WILHELMINA NEEDS HER CONTACTS UPDATED.
ANY INTEREST? THIS IS WILHELMINA'S? MM-HMM.
GOOD AFTERNOON.
I'M LOOKING FOR AMANDA TANEN.
I'M FROM RICHMAN, BRETT AND JACOBS.
THE LAWYERS? WHAT DO I GET? AM I RICH? I TAKE IT YOU'RE AMANDA TANEN.
OH, MY GOD.
DO I get this watch? THAT IS MINE.
PLEASE SIGN THIS.
WHAT ABOUT THE CIGARETTE CASE? PLEASE STOP TOUCHING MY THINGS.
SO IT APPEARS MISS SOMMERS' TOWN HOUSE, WARDROBE AND AUTOMOBILES WERE AUCTIONED OFF AT THE TIME OF HER DEATH, AND THE PROCEEDS WERE GIVEN TO CHARITY.
YOU MEAN IT'S ALL GONE? NOT EVERYTHING.
THIS IS FOR YOU.
AAH! WHAT IS THAT? IT'S YOUR MOTHER'S BELOVED DOG HALSTON.
NICE TRY, SLICK, BUT YOU'RE NOT STICKING ME WITH THIS GREMLIN.
DID I HAPPEN TO MENTION THERE'S A $1,000-A-WEEK ALLOWANCE FOR WHOEVER AGREES TO CARE FOR HIM? OH! OH, YES.
(baby talk voice) WHO'S THE LITTLE BABY? SO YOU TOLD ALEXIS ABOUT YOUR MOTHER AND FEY? LOOK, SHE FOUND OUT ABOUT MOM ON TV, BUT I AM NOT GONNA BE THE ONE TO TELL ALEXIS YOU DIVORCED MOM TO MARRY WILHELMINA, OR THAT YOU REJECTED YOUR OWN CHILD BECAUSE SHE BECAME A WOMAN.
I HAVE NO PROBLEM TELLING ALEXIS THE TRUTH.
THEN GREAT.
HER ROOM'S RIGHT DOWN THERE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE ACTUALLY IN LUCIFER'S CHAMBER BEELZEBUB'S LAIR THE DEVIL'S RUMPUS ROOM.
OOH, LOOK.
A PHOTOGRAPH OF WILHELMINA WITH DICK CHENEY.
CHRISTINA, PLEASE STOP ENJOYING YOURSELF AND HELP.
WE'VE GOT TO GET THE BOOK AND GET OUT OF HERE.
(whispers) THE BEDROOM.
(normal voice) SATAN'S BOUDOIR.
VAMPIRA'S-- STOP IT.
THERE'S A COAT IN THERE MADE OUT OF DALMATIAN PUPPIES.
(gasps) HERE IT IS.
I GOT IT.
HERE IT IS.
WHO IS THAT? (Wilhelmina speaking indistinctly) WILHELMINA'S SUPPOSED TO BE AT LUNCH WITH NORA EPHRON.
(man laughs) THAT'S NOT NORA EPHRON.
THAT'S A MAN.
IT'S MR.
MEADE.
THEY'RE HERE FOR A QUICKIE, AN AFTERNOON DELIGHT.
AFTERNOON DE-- THAT'S WHAT THAT MEANS? I NEVER UNDERSTOOD THAT SONG TILL JUST NOW.
(door closes) OKAY, UM, UNDER THE BED.
(gasps) OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
(Wilhelmina) I'M SO HAPPY TO GET OUT OF THAT OFFICE.
THIS IS JUST SO DECADENT.
EVERYONE AT THE OFFICE THINKS I'M HAVING LUNCH WITH THE GREAT NORA EPHRON.
LITTLE DO THEY KNOW, NORA'S BEEN COVERING MY DAYTIME ROMPS FOR YEARS.
YOU SEEM A LITTLE TENSE.
HOW ABOUT A BACK RUB? (whispers) THAT'S NOT MR.
MEADE.
CAN I BE ON TOP THIS TIME? DON'T BE STUPID.
(TWO HOURS?) (I HAVE TO PEE) WELL, THAT WAS RELAXING.
I DO LOVE AN AFTERNOON DELIGHT.
IS THAT WHAT THAT SONG MEANS? COME, DWAYNE.
I THINK I NEED SOME PROTECTING IN THE SHOWER.
(man) AND THE PITCH.
BALL THREE OH, COME ON.
THAT WAS A STRIKE, YOU IDIOT! NOT INTERRUPTING, AM I? (scoffs) JUST ANOTHER BLOWN SAVE.
YEAH, WE COULD STILL USE A GOOD CLOSER.
I SEE THERE'S SOME OF ALEX STILL IN THERE.
WHAT WAS THAT? I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.
WHAT'S UP, DAD? YOU HAVEN'T CALLED ME THAT IN YEARS.
WELL, I-I WAS A LITTLE HEADSTRONG WHEN I WAS ALEX.
MAYBE ALEXIS CAN HAVE A SOFTER TOUCH.
MAYBE I CAN, TOO.
OKAY, WILHELMINA'S CONTACTS ARE COMPLETELY REORGANIZED.
ALSO, I INVENTORIED ALL THE GOWNS THAT SHE WORE ON THE RED CARPET LAST YEAR AND BOOKED HER TRAVEL TO PARIS FOR THIS SEASON'S COUTURE SHOWS.
AND WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG? I DID IT IN UNDER AN HOUR.
AN HOUR? YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT I'VE BEEN DOING? PRICING WEIMARANERS, GETTING A PLUMBER FOR THE HOUSE IN BEDFORD, SENDING WARREN BEATTY A 60th-- YEAH, RIGHT--BIRTHDAY CARD, TELLING DAVID SEDARIS HIS 5,000-WORD PIECE IS NOW A 50-WORD PIECE, GETTING YELLED AT BY DAVID SEDARIS AND ASKING CHRIS ROCK TO WRITE A 10-MINUTE TOAST THAT WILHELMINA IS GIVING TO PATTY HEARST TO MARK THE 33rd ANNIVERSARY OF HER KIDNAPPING-- AND THAT IS ALL IN THE LAST FIVE MINUTES.
WOW.
YEAH, THAT'S HOW THIS LADY ROLLS.
(telephone rings) HANG ON.
WILHELMINA SLATER'S OFFICE.
OH, MY GOD.
IT'S COMING UP NOW? THE CONTRACT RIDER FOR SHAKIRA'S PHOTO SHOOT IS ARRIVING AS WE SPEAK.
IN IT IS A LIST OF EVERYTHING SHE NEEDS FOR HER DRESSING ROOM.
AMBITIOUS SUCK-UPS! I MEAN INTERNS! WRITE THIS DOWN.
EVERYTHING.
I'M DOING OKAY, PAPI.
I JUST--I MISS HIM SO MUCH.
I know, Mija, BUT IT'LL GET BETTER.
???? YEAH.
AT LEAST I HAVE HIS THINGS.
WHAT THINGS? I WENT AND I CLEANED OUT HIS APARTMENT.
A LOT OF HIS STUFF LOOKS REALLY GOOD IN OUR PLACE.
REALLY? I DON'T REMEMBER SANTOS HAVING SUCH GOOD TASTE.
You're crazy.
HE HAD SUCH AN EYE.
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT.
Sweetheart, um, I know everything holds a memory for you now, BUT ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE NOT GETTING A LITTLE CARRIED AWAY? When your mother died, I couldn't let go of any of her things-- HER CLOTHES, HER KEY CHAIN.
I EVEN FOUND AN OLD RESTAURANT CHECK FROM PIETRO'S IN BAYSIDE.
IT WAS FROM THE NIGHT WE GOT ENGAGED.
YOUR MOTHER HAD SAVED IT ALL THOSE YEARS, AND WHEN I SAW IT, I I REALIZED I DIDN'T NEED ALL HER THINGS.
I HAD HER HEART.
SO I KEPT THE CHECK AND GOT RID OF EVERYTHING ELSE.
BUT WHERE IS IT? I'VE NEVER SEEN IT.
I'M LOOKING AT IT RIGHT NOW.
I REALLY MISS YOU, PAPI.
I MISS U TOO.
(telephone beeps) HEY, ???? SORRY I'M LATE, MAMA.
I'LL GET THE ENCHILADAS STARTED.
MIRTA'S NOT HERE.
THANK GOD.
ENOUGH WITH THE BEANS AND CHEESE.
YOU WANNA ORDER CHINESE? BEANS, CHINESE? (speaks Spanish) ARE YOU OKAY? I WAS JUST TALKING TO HILDA.
YOU GET LIKE THIS EVERY TIME YOU CALL.
YOUR VISA WILL COME THROUGH.
YOU'LL BE HOME SOON.
I'M SO TIRED OF HEARING THAT! I DON'T WANT TO WAIT ANY LONGER, CLARA! MY DAUGHTER BURIED THE LOVE OF HER LIFE, AND I COULDN'T BE THERE TO HOLD HER.
MAYBE I SHOULD JUST GET THERE ON MY OWN.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? FORGET THE VISA.
I'LL JUST GET ACROSS THE BORDER ANOTHER WAY.
I'VE DONE IT BEFORE.
ARE YOU SERIOUS? I HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE.
TREAT ME LIKE A CRIMINAL, I'LL BE ONE.
I WANNA GO HOME.
WELL, THEN IF YOU THINK THIS IS THE ONLY WAY, I MIGHT KNOW SOMEONE WHO CAN HELP YOU.
DWAYNE, PLEASE HURRY.
I SMELL A BURRITO.
THIS IS EMBARRASSING.
A.
J.
, YOU WERE ASSIGNED NUMBER SIX ON SHAKIRA'S RIDER.
READ THAT TO ME.
"ONE BOX OF BENDY STRAWS"? UH-HUH.
BENDY STRAWS! NOW LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT WHAT YOU BROUGHT BACK.
OKAY, SO I'M SHAKIRA, AND I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE A DRINK, SO I TAKE A STRAW, AND I PUT IT IN MY CUP.
A--OH, BUT WHAT'S THIS? IT DOESN'T BEND? I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DRINK? LIKE--LIKE THIS? THIS ISN'T COMFORTABLE.
I CAN'T DRINK LIKE THIS.
AM I SOME KIND OF ANIMAL? NO.
YO SOY SHAKIRA! AND I WILL NOT BE HOLDING MY DRINK DOWN AROUND MY CHIN LIKE SOME SAVAGE IF I'M THIRSTY! NOW THIS STRAW DEBACLE IS JUST THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG.
ONLY ONE OF OF YOU-- ONE-- GOT HIS LIST CORRECT.
JUSTIN.
THE REST OF YOU CAN LEAVE.
JUSTIN, YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF EVERYTHING.
AWESOME.
GO.
I HAVE A TASK FOR YOU.
HMM? I NEED DIRT ON BETTY SUAREZ.
I'M HEARING YOU LOUD AND CLEAR, WILHE-MEISTER.
OKAY, CHOCOLATE ALMOND MILK.
I THINK THAT THERE'S A HEALTH STORE ON 59th.
OH, PFFT! THERE'S PLENTY OF TIME FOR THAT.
I WAS JUST THINKING, WE DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT OUR FAMILIES.
YOU GO FIRST.
I'M LOOKING FOR A PACKAGE FOR ALEXIS.
IRONIC, AS I SAY THAT OUT LOUD.
(sniffs) OH! WHAT IS THAT SMELL? I THINK IT'S THAT DOG.
IT IS NOT THAT DOG.
IT SMELLS LIKE ASS.
YEAH, AND WHEN YOU'RE 84, YOU'RE GONNA SMELL LIKE ASS, TOO.
LEAVE HALSTON ALONE.
HE WAS A GIFT TO ME FROM MY MOTHER.
I GET $1,000 A WEEK TO TAKE CARE OF HIM, WHICH MEANS $5 FOR DOG FOOD, AND THE NEW BALENCIAGA BAG FOR ME.
(wheezes) (gasps) IS HE SUPPOSED TO TIP OVER LIKE THAT? OH, MY GOD! AMANDA! OH, THERE YOU ARE! IS DANIEL IN HIS OFFICE? I DON'T KNOW WHERE DANIEL IS.
I HAVE TO GO TO THE VET! HANG ON, HALSTON.
DON'T QUIT ON ME.
WELL, IF HE WASN'T AT THE HOSPITAL, THEN WHERE COULD HE BE? JUSTIN, ARE YOU DOING OKAY? CAN'T TALK.
LOOKING FOR GUA JUICE.
WHY DO YOU CARE SO MUCH IF WILHELMINA'S BOINKING THE BODYGUARD? BECAUSE DANIEL IS LOOKING FOR SOMETHING TO INCRIMINATE WILHELMINA, AND HE COULD USE THIS-- (gasps) OH! GOOD, YOU'RE BACK.
WILHELMINA WANTS TO SEE YOU.
OH, UM, OKAY, YEAH, GREAT.
I JUST HAVE SOME THINGS THAT I NEED TO FINISH UP, AND I'LL STOP BY HER OFFICE ON THE WAY OUT.
NO, YOU WON'T.
SHE'S WAITING FOR YOU RIGHT NOW ON THE ROOF.
THE ROOF? THE ROOF.
HELLO? WILHELMINA? I BELIEVE YOU LOST SOMETHING.
THANK YOU, MARC.
YOU CAN GO NOW.
YOU SURPRISE ME, BETTY.
STEALING MY KEYS? BREAKING INTO MY APARTMENT? TAKING THE BOOK? GOOD FOR YOU.
YOU'RE GROWING.
LOOK, I WAS JUST THERE FOR THE BOOK.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO HEAR ANYBODY HAVING SEX.
LOOK, DWAYNE AND I ARE DEAR OLD FRIENDS.
THAT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH BRADFORD.
WHOM YOU LOVE, RIGHT? BECAUSE YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED IN A MONTH.
WHOM I LOVE MADLY.
DO WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER? WILHELMINA, I'M SURE YOU UNDERSTAND THAT MY LOYALTIES ARE WITH DANIEL, SO THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR INVITING ME.
IT WAS VERY WONDERFUL TO SEE THE ROOF.
THANK YOU.
PITY ABOUT YOUR FATHER.
WHAT ABOUT MY FATHER? OH, I KNOW THAT HE'S STUCK IN MEXICO.
SHAME.
MY FATHER IS A UNITED STATES SENATOR.
HE HELPS PEOPLE GET THEIR VISAS ALL THE TIME.
SO WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? (scoffs) COME ON, GIRL.
I AM BLACK.
YOU'RE MEXICAN.
LET'S NOT TALK AROUND IT LIKE A COUPLE OF DULL WHITE PEOPLE.
KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT AND YOUR OLD MAN COMES HOME.
SO LIE TO DANIEL? NOT LIE, JUST DON'T SAY ANYTHING.
THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
YOU THINK ABOUT IT, BETTY, AND GET BACK TO ME BY THE END OF THE DAY.
NO PRESSURE.
AFTER ALL, YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S HOLDING ALL THE CARDS.
HEY, BETTY.
WHAT'S UP, BUDDY? AH! OW.
HEY.
STILL NOT VERY GOOD AT THAT.
HEY, I TALKED TO DAD! OH, UH, YOU OKAY? OKAY? I'M GREAT! IT'S JUST WONDERFUL TO KNOW I HAVE SUCH A SUPPORTIVE FAMILY AT A TIME LIKE THIS.
SUPPORTIVE? HE'S TOTALLY SUPPORTIVE ABOUT ME BECOMING THIS WITH THESE.
WILL YOU STOP GRABBING THEM FOR A SECOND? DAD SAID HE WAS OKAY WITH ALL THIS? WHAT ELSE DID HE TELL YOU? (Justin) AND I GOT THE SEEDLESS GRAPES, A TUB OF RED VINES.
THE ONLY THING I COULDN'T FIND WAS THE SCULLY FOODS SOY RICE CAKES.
AH, THE RICE CAKE-- THE SCOURGE OF MANY A CELEBRITY ASSISTANT.
NEED I MENTION THE '88 MADONNA "SPEED THE PLOW" TANTRUM? DON'T SWEAT IT.
YOU STILL HAVE 12 MORE HOURS BEFORE YOU NEED TO BRING THEM TO THE SHAKIRA SHOOT.
OH MY GOD.
I AM GOING TO THE SHAKIRA PHOTO SHOOT? YEP.
ARE YOU SERIOUS? THESE LIPS DON'T LIE.
THIS IS AMAZING! I CANNOT WAIT TO TELL MY YOU OKAY? YEAH, I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.
HEY, JUSTIN.
IT'S OKAY.
I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH A LOT WITH YOUR DAD AND EVERYTHING, BUT IT'S OKAY TO BE HAPPY.
U DID A GOOD JOB TODAY.
ENJOY IT.
HI.
HI.
I JUST MADE A LITTLE PERSON FEEL BETTER ABOUT HIS DAY.
I'M A GOOD PERSON.
NO, I'M A GREAT PERSON.
DOES YOUR RAT HAVE A STRONG SMELL? HALSTON IS SICK, OKAY? I JUST TALKED TO THE VET.
HE NEEDS OINTMENTS AND PATCHES AND PILLS.
OH, MY.
SUDDENLY I AM A CAREGIVER.
ME.
THAT IS SO NOT WHO I AM.
'TIS TRUE.
YOU ARE A BIT OF A MONSTER ON THE INSIDE.
THIS IS HORRIBLE.
IT'S ALMOST LIKE I'D BE BETTER OFF GETTING RID OF HIM.
HOW COULD YOU? DAMN IT.
HOW COULD YOU LIE TO ALEXIS LIKE THAT? DID I? I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT I SAID.
WELL, LET'S START WITH HOW YOU DIDN'T TELL HER YOU'D REJECT HER IF SHE GOT A SEX CHANGE.
I THINK YOUR EXACT WORDS WERE, "YOU'D BE DEAD TO ME.
" AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN TELL HER ABOUT WILHELMINA.
YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED IN A MONTH, DAD.
YOU'RE RIGHT, DANIEL.
I DIDN'T.
I SAW ALEXIS LYING IN THAT BED AND REALIZED I ALMOST LOST MY CHILD AGAIN.
THIS IS A CHANCE FOR US TO START A WHOLE NEW RELATIONSHIP.
NO WAY.
YOU ARE NOT SCREWING WITH HER HEAD LIKE THIS.
IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA TELL HER THE TRUTH, I AM.
DANIEL YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE A CHANCE TO REWRITE THE PAST.
I NEED TO FIX THE MISTAKES I MADE.
(Ignacio) MIJA? DAD? YOU ALL RIGHT? DAD, HELME! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
YEAH, IT'S AOUGH DECISION.
LET ME TELL YOU WHAT TO DO.
KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT AND GET MY ASS HOME FROM MEXICO.
BUT DANIEL'S MY BOSS.
OH, YEAH? WELL, DID YOUR BOSS BRING YOU HOME IN A LITTLE BLANKIE FROM THE HOSPITAL? DID YOUR BOSS TEACH YOU HOW TO SWIM? DID YOUR BOSS PULL YOU OFF THE TRACKS SECONDS BEFORE A SUBWAY CAR WAS ABOUT TO CRUSH YOU? I DIDN'T KNOW YOU DID THAT.
I DIDN'T, THE FIRST TWO THINGS WEREN'T IMPRESSIVE ENOUGH.
FAMILY, BETTY.
WHAT'S MORE IMPORTANT THAN FAMILY? I KNOW, PAPI, I KNOW.
IT'S JUST IT'S SO WRONG, AND WE SHOULD JUST TRUST THE SYSTEM, RIGHT? I MEAN, YOU'LL GET YOUR VISA ON YOUR OWN.
AND ISN'T IT MORE IMPORTANT FOR ME TO TELL THE TRUTH I HATE IT THAT I RAISED YOU RIGHT.
OOH, THOSE SMELL GOOD.
CAN I HAVE SOME? YOU'RE HELPING DANIEL.
GET DANIEL TO MAKE YOU ENCHILADAS! HEY, CHRISTINA, I WAS WONDERING DID YOU KNOW IF, FOR SOME REASON, BETTY MIGHT BE MAD AT ME? I DON'T KNOW.
I MEAN, WHAT DO YOU THINK? I MEAN, YOU DID LEAD HER ON, THEN RACE OFF TO TUCSON, THEN AFTER A FEW WEEKS, ONCE SHE WAS STARTING TO FEEL A LITTLE BIT BETTER, SUDDENLY POP BACK INTO HER LIFE AGAIN.
I'M SORRY.
I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND YOU.
OH, HENRY.
SHE'S NOT MAD, SHE'S JUST A LITTLE BIT CONFUSED.
WELL, I'M CONFUSED, TOO.
I MEAN, I KNOW I HAVE THIS OBLIGATION TO CHARLIE AND I CAN'T WAIT TO BE A DAD, BUT I JUST I REALLY MISS WHAT BETTY AND I HAD.
HENRY, SHE'S MAKING AN UMPTY OUT OF YOU.
AN UMPTY? JACKASS.
BETTY? CHARLIE! HOW? (sighs) MM, HENRY COME HERE.
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT THIS BABY OF YOURS, 'CAUSE SOMEBODY'S GOT TO.
OKAY, HALSTON, THIS IS YOUR NEW HOME! ISN'T IT PRETTY? IT'S SO PRETTY.
SO PRETTY.
CAN I HELP YOU? HI, I'M LOOKING FOR A NICE NEW HOME FOR MY SWEET LITTLE DOGGY.
YEAH, WE'LL TAKE IT.
SIGN THIS FORM.
SO IS THERE, LIKE, A BIG GRASSY AREA IN THE BACK WHERE THE DOGGIES CAN RUN AROUND? SURE, WITH PEANUT BUTTER AND A POOL SHAPED LIKE A DOG BONE.
AH! REALLY? NO.
HEY, UH, CAN I AT LEAST SAY GOOD-BYE? OKAY, HALSTON, I'M SURE SOMEONE WILL ADOPT YOU.
(snorts) I DON'T KNOW.
THAT IS ONE UGLY DOG.
POT, KETTLE, BLACK.
(Amanda) DO YOU MIND? THIS DOG BELONGED TO MY MOTHER.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
DOES YOUR MOTHER KNOW YOU'RE DOING THIS? BECAUSE I'M NOT GOING DOWN THAT ROAD AGAIN.
MY MOTHER IS GONE, AND THIS WAS HER DOG.
AND SHE ONCE HELD HIM JUST LIKE I AM HOLDING HIM NOW.
MM.
YOU KNOW MORE ABOUT HER THAN I WILL EVER KNOW.
AND SO WHAT IF YOU'RE MANGY AND DISGUSTING WITH A WEIRD RASH ON YOUR BUTT? ORAYBE THAT IS YOUR BUTT? BUT YOU'RE THE ONLY CONNECTION I'LL EVER HAVE TO MY MOTHER.
BACK OFF, CUJO.
I'M TAKING HIM HOME.
HUNGRY? MM! I BROUGHT YOU BARROW STREET BURGERS.
YOU MAY NOT REMEMBER, BUT YOU ALWAYS LIKED IT.
HEY, I'M NOT PICKY.
UP TILL YESTERDAY I WAS EATING OUT OF A TUBE.
MMM! THESE ARE GOOD.
SO, UM I KINDA WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT DAD.
YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN THINNG A LOT ABOUT HIM TODAY, AND YOU.
WAKING UP IN THIS BED, THINKING I WAS ALEX, I FELT ALONE.
BUT, YOU KNOW, THE THING THAT MADE IT OKAY WAS KNOWING THAT YOU AND DAD ARE REALLY THERE FOR ME.
YEAH.
YEAH, WE WERE HERE FOR YOU.
SO LISTEN, I HAVEN'T ASKED YOU YET.
HOW DID WE EVEN GET INTO THIS ACCIDENT? UM WELL OH, GOD, DANIEL, WHAT ARE YOU NOT TELLING ME? WAS IT MY FAULT? NO! WAS I DRUNK? NO, NO, NO, NO, YOU--YOU WERE FINE.
UH, IT WAS JUST, UH A DEER.
IT--IT LEAPT OUT IN FRONT OF THE CAR, YOU SWERVED AND THAT WAS IT.
WOW.
WELL, AT LEAST I SAVED A DEER.
DAD! SO HOW ARE WE? WE'RE GREAT.
I WAS JUST TELLING DANIEL I FEEL SO LUCKY TO HAVE YOU TWO AS MY FAMILY.
RICE CAKES! ALL RIGHT, UH ANYTHING ELSE? NOPE.
THAT'S IT.
JUSTIN SUAREZ, RIGHT? YEAH.
HOW'D YOU KNOW? I WAS AT YOUR FATHER'S FUNERAL.
YOU KNOW, HE SAVED MY LIFE, RIGHT HERE IN THIS STORE.
YOUR FATHER WAS A HERO.
I DIDN'T KNOW THIS WAS WHERE THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
YOU SHOULD KNOW, HE WAS A REALLY GOOD MAN.
I BET YOU'RE JUST LIKE HIM.
NO I'M NOT.
THANKS, BETTY.
DANIEL, WAIT.
I NEED TO TELLOU SOMETHING.
OH, UM IT'S MY DAD.
CAN I TALK TO YOU IN A MINUTE? YEAH.
(ring) HELLO? BETTY? DAD? I'M COMING HOME.
WHAT? DID YOUR VISA COME THROUGH? NO.
I CAN'T WAIT ANYMORE.
THIS COULD TAKE MONTHS, A YEAR.
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? DAD, NO.
IF YOU GET CAUGHT, THEY'RE NOT GONNA LET YOU BACK IN, AND YOU KNOW HOW THEY PACK THOSTRUCKS WITH PEOPLE.
YOU COULD DIE.
IT'S MY LIFE, BETTY.
THIS IS MY DECISION.
NO, THESE ARE OUR LIVES, DAD-- YOURS AND MINE AND HILDA'S AND JUSTIN.
MIJA, I'VE MADE UP MY MIND.
I LEAVE TOMORROW NIGHT.
DAD, PLEASE, JUST DON'T DO ANYTHING YET.
I KNOW HOW TO GET YOU HOME.
Let me talk to the lawyer one last time.
YOU DO LIKE TO CUT IT CLOSE.
OH, AND THE PICTURES THAT SANTOS TOOK OF HIMSELF AT THE GYM DO NOT NEED TO BE FRAMED.
OKAY, SO I'M KEEPING ONE THING.
YOU SHOULD KEEP SOMETHING, TOO.
JUST LOOK THROUGH ALL THE STUFF AND FIND SOMETHING THAT YOU REALLY LOVE, OKAY? OKAY.
OKAY.
OKAY.
LOOK, I NEVER SIGNED OFF ON BRIGITTE LACOMBE.
I THOUGHT WE AGREED IF WE COULDN'T GET MARIO TESTINO, WE WOULDN'T DO THE SPREAD.
I STILL LIKE THE DAVID LaCHAPPELLE CHATEAU MARMONT PHOTOS WE COULDN'T RUN LAST MONTH.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
YOU'RE BACK, AND YOU ARE EDITOR-IN-CHIEF.
I MADE A MISTAKE.
IS THAT ALL? UH, YES THAT IS ALL.
OH, BETTY, I HEARD YOUR FATHER'S COMING BACK ON THURSDAY.
PLEASE GIVE HIM MY REGARDS.
WOW.
THAT WENT SO MUCH BETTER THAN I EXPECTED.
BETTY, I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH.
IF YOU HADN'T GOTTEN THE BOOK, SHE WOULD'VE DONE EXACTLY WHAT SHE WANTED.
OH, I'M JUST DOING MY JOB, DANIEL.
NO, I MEAN, WHEN EVERYTHING'S ON THE LINE, YOU'RE THE ONE PERSON HERE I CAN TRULY TRUST.
YEAH.
SWEETHEART? I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH CAVALLI'S PEOPLE.
HE IS DESIGNING YOU A CHARCOAL GRAY, SINGLE BUTTON TUXEDO FOR THE WEDDING.
AND HE'S FLYING HIMSELF IN FOR THE FITTING.
LISTEN, DARLING, WITH ALEXIS STILL IN THE HOSPITAL, I'M NOT SURE A GIANPARTY WOULD BE APPROPRIATE RIGHT NOW.
WELL, YOU WANT ME TO CUT DOWN THE SIZE OF THE WEDDING? I WANT TO POSTPONE THE WEDDING.
BECAUSE OF ALEXIS? I SPENT THE AFTERNOON WITH HER.
WE'RE STARTING TO BOND AGAIN.
WELL ISN'T THAT, UH, WONDERFUL? I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND.
ALEXIS IS STILL COMING TO TERMS WITH THE FACT THAT HER MOTHER AND I ARE NO LONGER TOGETHER.
I'M AFRAID IT MIGHT BE A BIT MUCH FOR HER TO HEAR THAT I'M MARRYING SOMEONE ELSE.
YOU HAVEN'T EVEN TOLD HER ABOUT ME? I WILL, WHEN SHE'S READY.
YOU STILL LOVE ME? ALWAYS.
UH, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I HAVE TO GO CALL CAVALLI AND HAVE HIM POSTPONE HIS TRIP.
ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE ALL RIGHT? I'M FINE.
AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH! (Hilda) BETTY? BETTY! (laughs) PAPI JUST CALLED! HE GOT HIS VISA! HE'S GONNA BE HOME ON THURSDAY! WOW! COOL.
THAT'S--I'M SO HAPPY.
YEAH? WELL, TELL YOUR FACE.
COME ON! WE GOTTA PLAN A BIG PARTY! I KNEW IT WAS GONNA WORK OUT.
OH, I JUST KNEW IT! SO YOU GOT RID OF SANTOS' THINGS? ARE YOU OKAY? YEAH, I'M OKAY.
BUT YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO LIVE WITH THAT.
WOW.
I LIKE IT.
STRIKE.
(laughs) I GOTTA GO PLAN THE MENU.
OOH, DO YOU THINK IT'S WRONG IF WE ASK PAPI TO COOK? EH.
HELLO.
IGNACIO SUAREZ? YES, CAN I HELP YOU? YOU JUST DID.
(man) HELLO?! WHO IS IT? (Henry) IT'S ME.
HENRY? BETTY? CHRISTINA TOLD ME ABOUT CHARLIE, THAT SHE CHEATED ON ME.
THE BABY MIGHT NOT BE MINE.
OH, GOD, HENRY.
YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING.
YES, I HAVE.
BUT I DRANK MILK FIRST TO COAT MY STOMACH.
BETTY CHARLIE WAS THE ONLY REASON WE COULDN'T BE TOGETHER.
AND SHE'S NOT A REASON ANYMORE.
I WANNA BE WITH YOU, BETTY.