Vikingane (2016) s02e02 Episode Script

Ow!
Don't fall asleep, Orm!
You can blame Orm
for the whipping you're getting now.
Ow!
Ow!
Well, well.
We're never stronger
than our weakest link.
Hey, hey!
Aren't you shackled?
No, I'm here voluntarily.
You get real addicted
to the Wheel of Pain.
I noticed that
I get really grumpy if I don't get
at least one good session a day.
What kind of torture deal is this?
It's pointless
to just walk around in circles.
No, we're privileged.
We get to toil
out in Odin's green nature all day.
And it's a great workout.
Look at Orm.
He's already developing some muscles.
Your body responds extremely well
to exercise. It's impressive.
Thanks, I guess.
Well, let's get on with it.
Yes!
Let's go!
I have a great feeling about this.
Jarl Varg isn't always that easy to read.
But he did seem positive
to airing things out a little.
Well?
This was regarding
something about feedback
and values and so on?
Anyone like to
start?
Sure, I can start.
The issue is that
many of us were left with
a somewhat queasy feeling
after what happened in Norheim.
OK?
You go somewhere to retrieve a map,
and you end up killing
defenseless people.
And there was sodomy
and attempted rape and
And you end up wondering if you're
actually on the "good team" anymore.
OK.
Anyone else?
Magnus?
I think what Håkon is saying
is that we need to set
some clear terms.
Maybe find an emotionally-rooted objective
for this whole enterprise.
Good.
Anyone else?
Vebjørn?
I can only speak for
the younger soldiers,
but we at least feel a need
for a clear "why."
Why should we join in on this journey?
So
Let's start by initiating a process
where we simply attempt
to find some common values.
I'm not claiming to have
all the answers, but
That's why I mean sexuality
can't be pigeonholed.
- OK
- But that's a digression.
Anyway, I just want to be perfectly clear
that even though I'm a big shot,
I want you to look at me as a regular joe.
Excellent.
I'm determined to carry my weight,
and this is so fun.
Look at me!
I'm an ax-man!
Orm, take it easy.
I didn't think manual labor would be
so much fun, but this is wonderful!
And the best part is that I'm developing
such an incredibly sexual physique.
Huh?
I'm very easily trained.
So most likely I'll have developed
an incredibly attractive physique
within just a couple of weeks.
I kind of doubt that.
No, you just wait and see.
Wait and see
Give me the sticks.
Thank you, thank you.
I really like the energy
we had in the room here now.
And a lot of great suggestions came in.
So, in conclusion,
our new values are:
Curious.
Generous.
And
Playful.
That's really good, isn't it?
I think now the challenge will be
how to implement them.
The thing is, if they get too complicated,
none of the values will get used.
Can we assume
that upper management is behind this?
- Yes.
- They don't think it's too radical?
No.
Wow.
Excellent.
I feel ten pounds lighter now.
I must admit I was a little bit nervous.
Because processes like this
can be a little painful.
For both employees and management.
But kudos to you, Jarl Varg.
For listening and
Fantastic!
Fascinating!
Any other suggestions
regarding management's
leadership and style?
I mean, for you young folks.
Do you need any clearer
"why"?
No?
I should have gelded every one of you.
Ripped off your testicles
in one violent motion!
I don't think I caught everyone's name.
Why don't we make the rounds?
Share our names.
How old we are, hobbies, things like that.
Give us a break, please!
- Wouldn't that be nice?
- No, not really.
Sure it would. Come on, everyone!
Why so down in the mouth?
Come on.
Let's just sit down.
No, if the Vikings see that we're
sitting down, they'll just whip us again.
Nine out of ten worries are unfounded.
Come on, relax a little.
I mean
We could just do it.
Come on.
You're actually the first one
I ever brought down here.
- Really?
- Yeah.
It's so beautiful here.
Yeah.
There's a special quiet here.
Yeah
This is where I come
to think the big thoughts.
Yeah?
Like what's beyond the stars,
and things like that?
No.
More like
Mountains.
Big rocks.
I think about whales, sometimes.
And it could be
logs, or moose.
Different things, really.
It doesn't matter what it is,
as long as it's big.
Oh
Maybe you'd like to start, Rufus?
Your story is truly exciting.
Seriously?
I'm not going to sit here and share
my fantastic life story with subhumans.
We're all subhuman here, Rufus.
Every last one of us.
Not happening.
OK, then I'll just start.
My name is Orm.
Rightful heir to the throne.
I love art and culture.
But most of all, I love people.
I'm a truly gregarious being.
Spent a lot of time alone growing up.
Never really enjoyed that very much.
I'm at my happiest
when I'm in a tight group
that does everything together,
day in and day out.
Until that group just melts
into one single organism.
With a lot of inside jargon
and jokes that no one
outside the group understands.
So that's
That's my dream.
How nice!
You were sitting?
No, no.
It was Orm that insisted
we should organize a
What did you call it?
- "Get to know"
- "Get to know each other" session.
Listen, he's new to this.
He didn't know any better.
So I can take one for the team here.
No one is taking anything for the team.
Everyone gets to taste the whip.
- Except for you, Orm.
- Hm?
You weren't sitting.
- No
- Should we go?
Yeah, yeah.
OK.
I'm really glad
you wanted to join me here.
Because there is something
I want to ask you.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Shall we tie the knot?
Tie the knot?
Get engaged.
Is that a ring?
Yeah.
I had to make one out of foreskin.
I hope that's OK.
Don't you want to?
I totally understand
if you don't want to.
Of course I want to, Arvid.
Yeah?
- Really?
- Yes.
So then we're engaged?
- Yeah.
- Oh my gods!
Hello, my dear.
- How was your day?
- Liv
So you're back?
What is the Lawspeaker doing here?
Hi, by the way.
Hi, Arvid.
The thing is, the Lawspeaker is here
because we've been going over my rights.
And it was very interesting.
A lot of it was new to me.
OK?
You see, Arvid.
It looks like you've thrown out your wife
without a valid reason.
What?!
She encouraged Jarl Varg
to make her pregnant!
That must be a valid reason.
Encouraged?
I was assaulted!
And you didn't lift one finger
to help me, Arvid.
You don't have
a very strong case here, Arvid.
But let's sit down
and go through all the facts.
OK.
I know I have a strong case
Liv, you say you had
a happy life with Olvar,
the richest farmer in Norheim?
Yes.
We had a relationship based on
mutual respect and understanding.
We cultivated each other
and our meaningful conversations.
Yeah, right!
And Arvid, you chopped
Liv's husband in half.
So you could get both her and her farm.
Yes, but that was all done
by the book.
And you punched Liv's best friend
in the face,
so her nose was disfigured
and she lost a tooth?
Yes, but she deserved it.
And
While your best friend
was lying on his deathbed,
you squirted
penis milk into his wife.
So now Hildur is pregnant
with your child.
And you betrayed Liv with Frøya.
An affair based on pure,
carnal sexual attraction, they say.
No!
There are feelings, too.
Yuck!
I must say, I'm terribly disappointed.
You've gone far, far over your limit here,
Arvid. I'm so disappointed.
This is so not honorable.
You owe Liv
an enormous apology.
Loki!
So
Sorry I got everyone whipped.
It's kind of a fun thing, in a way.
That we all can look back at
and laugh at.
Like a mutual story
that binds us all closer together.
Yeah, right.
Or
OK
I don't know about you, but my throat
is just screaming for some tepid mead.
Or two.
So what do you say, guys?
And girl?
I don't know.
Are you?
I have to
head straight back home, I think, so
- You also were talking about
- Yes.
Sorry.
No Friday mead for me.
But I highly recommend
ending the workday with a social activity.
There's something about
embracing the fellowship
once the week is over,
that I have a soft spot for.
We are working
every day, the whole year round,
so for us the week is never over.
We could just do it some other day.
Tomorrow?
Yeah, or maybe
Some other day.
- The day after tomorrow?
- Maybe we should just play it by ear.
Yeah.
- So it's still possible tomorrow?
- Some other day.
Yes, we'll find a day.
- Do you want to?
- No, I have to
Yeah?
What is it?
Liv?
Yeah.
So, you're back?
That's right, Frida.
Or whatever your name is.
Is Arvid there?
The chieftain
doesn't wish to be disturbed right now.
So I suggest you go keep guard somewhere,
or whatever it is you normally do.
You should lie seriously low
for a while.
Screwing your way to the top like that?
Seriously?
And that style isn't exactly
very 791, is it?
What do you mean?
It's better that I say it, than you
go around here making an ass of yourself.
Not to be mean,
but you look like a simple trail hooker.
Go ahead!
Do it.
Kill the chieftain's wife
and become an outlaw.
I'll be up there in Valhalla
with a big smile on my face,
watching you being chased
around here like a lawless dog!
Who was that?
Just some skank who had the wrong address.
There are only five houses
in all of Norheim.
- How can she get the wrong address?
- I don't know, Arvid.
All I know is that it was some extremely
slutty woman who had the wrong address.
Come on.
A bit more.
Now, where is he?
He should have been here by now.
He came highly recommended.
If anyone can steal the map,
he's the guy.
Even if your title is Master Thief,
you should be punctual.
I just like to look at my wrist
while I'm waiting.
What is that?
That chest was delivered
earlier today.
Loki knows what's in it.
That's the greatest trick I've ever seen!
Chinaman!
The Map of the West
will be mine!
All right, folks.
Big day.
Today we're going to do something
no chieftain from Norheim
has done in many generations.
We're going to demand taxes.
Or protection money, as we will call it.
Isn't that Jarl Varg's gig?
Yes, it was.
But it's a privilege that goes to
the most powerful chieftain in the area.
And right now
that happens to be me, so
Yeah, yeah.
I'm back.
By Odin, haven't you told people
that your wife is back?
No.
Or, yes.
Maybe?
I think I told someone
No.
And you
should keep your cock-hungry fingers
to yourself.
And by cock-hungry, I mean
you shouldn't touch Arvid
down there.
On his cock.
I understood what you meant, Liv.
Good!
As First Lady, I command you all
to keep an extra eye on those fingers.
Those are the foul fingers of Loki.
Constantly searching
for married men's cocks,
balls and rectums.
Have a nice trip, honey.
Thank you.
I'm sorry.
She suddenly came back.
And the Lawspeaker said
she has the law on her side.
So there isn't much I can do about it.
You know you have
an extra responsibility, right?
Yes, I know.
Or, what do you mean?
You have an extra responsibility.
With your appearance
and that perfect body
Well,
I guess you can say my facial features
are kind of great.
But I struggle a little
with a curved spine.
That makes me look,
sometimes, kind of chubby.
So I'm not
completely perfect.
Anyway, it was nice being your fiancée.
Lovely.
Ten lovely hours.
I think we should take a break.
- A break?
- Yeah.
Yeah, I need to think.
Isn't that the same as breaking up,
basically?
Or how does it work?
I don't know,
but you're married to someone else.
So I need some time to think.
Yeah, just put it there.
Hi, Hildur.
There you are.
Liv, you're back!
That's wonderful.
We were so worried about you for a while.
Yeah, right.
Isn't that my cape and my fur?
Why is it out here?
- You're moving out.
- No.
Arvid promised that the successor to the
throne and I could live in the longhouse.
Maybe so, but those plans have changed.
Maybe we should just wait until Arvid
comes home. This is kind of up to him.
Hildur.
I'm the chieftain's wife.
You're a subject.
I command you
to forget about this lovely, warm house,
and move into a tent or a lean-to
or something else instead.
If only you'd been eaten by wolves, Liv!
Everything was much better here
without you.
With all due respect.
As opposed to you, who have sexed
and necked your way to influence,
I have worked really hard for it.
And now I'm back.
And this time
I'm not going to screw it up.
- Really?
- Really.
So you can hatch that bastard little child
of yours somewhere far from here.
- What?!
- I'm just saying:
You can hatch that little bastard egg
of yours somewhere far from here, Hildur.
With all due respect.
Yes.
No, no.
On the inside.
There we go.
All right!
Greetings, Eigil.
Chieftain Arvid.
Welcome.
To what do I owe this honor?
Well, I heard so many great things
about your farm.
So I thought it was about time
to come and have a look for myself.
It's a real nice place
you've got here.
Yeah, well, life is good here.
But I must admit
I had quite a grudge against you.
Ever since
what happened to my twin brother.
Yeah, yeah.
That was unfortunate.
But that's how the rules are.
Yeah Are you here to challenge me
to a holmgang?
No, no.
Not at all.
It was quite traumatic
to bury Olvar.
It was kind of two bodies, you know.
He was split right down the middle.
That leaves an impression, you know.
I totally understand that, Eigil.
But anyway, we're here to introduce
something called "protection money."
- OK?
- Which is basically a deal
where people with power,
like us,
protect
completely powerless people, like you.
Wow!
What a fantastic concept!
I mean, I would never expect
anything like that from you, Arvid.
Especially after you cleaved my brother
in two, just to get some pussy.
No, it was about the farm, too.
It was!
But anyway, this is about something else.
This is about
you paying us,
so that we won't attack your farm.
I don't understand.
Why would you attack us?
If you didn't want to pay
the protection money, I guess?
Something like that?
But I don't understand.
Yeah.
That's the concept.
Yeah
We'll have a look around
and see if we can find something nice.
I can't believe it.
You kicked Hildur out!
Yup.
If there's gonna be any chance of getting
this relationship back on track,
we can't have her living in our house.
She's very vulnerable now,
being pregnant and all.
Maybe we should at least allow her
to live here until the baby arrives.
No chance.
That's a recipe for trouble
in a relationship.
Having some free, horny whore
living in your house.
No thanks!