Welcome to Sweden (2014) s02e02 Episode Script

Oh, Emma? What? What is it? Ja.
Can I do can I do something? - What's the problem? - You tell me.
- What do you mean? - What's the emergency? You were like, "ja, ja!" Babe, that means "yes" in Swedish.
I can't believe you don't know this.
I mean, you've been here for six months now.
Okay, well where I come from we only use that sound when something horrible is happening, like someone's having a heart attack.
Okay, but what sound do you make to show that you're listening, then? We don't make any sound, that's the whole point of listening.
Okay, in Sweden you need three sounds: Ja, Mm, and (Gasp) "Jah".
If you know those, you're all set, okay? Okay "ja, mm, (Gasp) jah.
" Okay, which one? Oh, I would go with the blue one? Come on, I'm presenting my report to the CEO today.
- It's a big deal.
- Either one is fine.
I wouldn't wear either of those.
You need to peacock, like in the game.
You know the book? Oh, I'm amazed.
You read a book.
No, someone told me about it.
You know, when they go to a bar to pick up women they wear something really colourful and big like a big cowboy hat or something.
- Bruce? - Actually, he has a point.
Yeah, I have a point.
Maybe you should go with something a little more "oomph".
- "Umf".
- You think? - If you want to make an impression.
- Impression.
I'll be right back.
I wonder what Mom and Dad are doing right now.
They're probably just eating breakfast.
I bet they're really sorry about the way they treated me.
They look at the little bowl that I used to eat cereals from.
And the little spoon.
And they think about how they missed what's really important in life.
Me.
Yeah, or they're just eating breakfast.
You have a cold heart, Bruce.
How long are you planning on staying with us? How long are you planning on having this apartment? Okay, what about this one.
Is it to much? Three words: Cow, Boy, Hat.
I think it's perfect, honey.
Thank you.
Hey honey, you know what? We should probably call my parents tonight, tell them the big news.
Let's not jump the gun.
Let's see if they'll like the report first.
It's not what I'm talking about.
No, so what are you talking about? We're getting married? Oh, the news.
The news! We're getting married.
We should call them tonight.
Got to run.
- That's what I was - Okay.
That's what I said.
You want to hang out today? No, I've got to take care of Jason Priestly.
The Beverly Hills guy? Yeah.
Dylan? No the other one.
Why do you have to take care of him? Because I'm the guy.
What do you mean, the guy? You know when you go to Rome, there's a guy that shows you around.
I've never been to Rome.
No but the concept, the guy who helps you out when you're in Rome.
That's the guy.
But you live in Stockholm.
Yeah, I'm going to be the Stockholm guy.
So why do you keep talking about Rome? You know what? Never mind.
Celebrities are going to pay me a lot of money to set them up and show them around.
- In Rome? - You know, forget Rome.
I've been to Norway once.
That has no relevance whatsoever.
I am heading this way.
It's a lot of Norwegians there.
Yeah I Okay, so I was thinking maybe we would start at the top of Globen? They have this sky-tour up there, you could see all of Stockholm from there.
You can see Kungsholmen, you can see Norrmalm and back Amy didn't tell you why I'm here? No, not specifically.
I'm here for Ingmar Bergman.
Right the The filmmaker? Filmmaker, yeah.
I know who he is.
And I can probably arrange a meeting with you and him.
- Really? - Yeah.
- You could do that? - Yeah, I'm the guy.
That would be impressive.
I am impressive.
People say that sometimes.
I mean, I'm the guy who fixes things for people.
I show them around - Bergman's dead.
- Yep.
- He died in 2007.
- Right.
That's why it's going to be a little more complicated.
Obviously.
So what else do you want to do? Well, I'd like to go visit some of the locations where he shot his films.
Maybe visit the island of Faro.
Yeah, Faro.
Fa-a-a-a-ro-o-o-o.
That's the island where Bergman lived.
And died, because he's dead.
And I mean, I know it's off season but maybe you could arrange a private screening for me in his theatre there.
I can try to do that.
Yeah, definitely.
And I'd like to meet somebody that Bergman worked with, you know, find out what he was really like, how he how he talked to actors.
Stuff like that.
Okay, yeah.
I can do that.
I'll make some calls.
- Okay, great.
- Yeah, great.
And, so, which film specifically like, is your favourite? I think maybe the "Seventh Seal".
- "Seventh Seal".
- Yep.
Me too.
That was the one with the, uh With Bergman's most famous scene.
With the Knight playing chess with death.
Chess with death.
Who can forget that.
Masterpiece, right? What did you like about it? - What did I like about it? - Yeah.
Hm, everything.
The whole thing.
Start to finish.
It was that moment when it was like, oh hey, there's six seals, right? And then "What? Here comes the seventh seal!" The beginning was also really good when it when it started and you had no idea what was going to happen at that point.
End was a little unexpected You haven't seen it, have you? I will watch it tonight.
I'll watch it tonight, I promise! And then he tried to steal my project.
He tried to steal your project? Yes and everything I said, he repeated, just to make it seem like his idea.
Everything you said he repeated to make it seem like his idea? - Hey! - Sorry.
Sucks that he's tried to steal your project but what does that have to do with opening doors for people? Isn't that just common courtesy? No, that's a sign you don't see men and women as true equals.
Huh.
You want this last piece of pie? This is exactly what I am talking about.
That's condescending.
- It is? - Yeah, like I need your approval to take the last piece of pie.
Like I couldn't take it myself if I wanted to.
- Okay, fine.
- Hey! Now you assume that you should have the last piece of pie just because you're a man.
You said you didn't want the pie.
Huh, so typical.
You know what we should do? Burn your bras? We should call your parents and tell them that we're getting married.
No, no, no, no, that's going to be like a three-hour project.
Really? Yeah, it's going to be a huge deal for them.
Plus I have to watch this movie tonight.
Yay, movie night.
Yes, "Seven Seals".
By Ingmar Bergman.
No movie night for me.
At all.
I'm already super depressed, honey.
Okay, I did it.
I saw the whole movie, everything, even up to the closing credits, so go ahead, ask me anything about it.
So do I get to meet someone who actually worked with Bergman? You know what, I tried.
I called around and everyone seems to be dead.
It doesn't seem to be anyone that's - I thought you were the guy.
- I am the guy.
You know, when I was in Rome, there was a guy.
Yeah, I've heard about the guy in Rome.
He hooked me up with one of Fellini's assistant directors.
It took him, like, five minutes.
Fellini? Fellini, the film director Film director, yes.
"8 1/2", "Amarcord".
- All that stuff.
- Yeah.
Do you know if there's someone else in Stockholm I can talk to? Somebody who can actually make something happen? No, no, no, no, I'm the guy.
Okay, I will fix this for you.
Okay? As Fellini would say: "Niente problemas.
" Because he was - Italian.
- Italian, right? I'll fix it, okay? Can I grab a cigarette off of you? No.
- Mm, hej.
- Hej.
All right, I'm just going to say it.
There's a celebrity in town and I want you to meet him.
An American? Yeah, it's Jason Priestly.
Oh my god.
I love his work.
- You're a 90210 fan? - No, no.
His film work.
- Film work? - Jo.
Okay, there's just one thing, all right? I need you to pretend that you're an assistant director - to Ingmar Bergman.
- Oh my god! I know, I'm so sorry.
Such an honour, the role of my life.
Okay, don't overdo it, okay? I'm going to tell him that you only have 15 minutes and that you're in the middle of a shoot.
What should I wear? - Are you sure you can do this? - Jo.
- Are you okay? - Jo.
What is that sound? - This? Jo? - Yeah? It means "yes".
- Where? - In Northern Sweden.
How long have you been here? Oh my god, there's another sound? - How does it go, like, shhho? - No.
- Pshh.
- No.
Shuu? - Hhh! - No, that's not it.
You're letting Bengt play Bergman's assistant director? Honey, I had no choice, okay? If Jason tells everyone I'm crap, then I'm not going to be the guy, I'm not going to have any money, I'm not going to be able to contribute - Shh, shh, shh.
There's Hans.
- What? Our CEO at work.
- Who? - Hans! Hi.
Ja-a-a.
Psshht.
Mm.
Ja-a-a.
Psshht.
Ja-a-a.
What was up with that "psht" thing? Ah, you didn't think I knew that one? Right? It's from Northern Sweden, it means yes.
- No, it doesn't.
- Yes, it does: Psht.
- No that's "Jo".
- That's what I said.
What does that mean? That you're an idiot.
Seriously? We shot the theatre scenes in "Fanny and Alexander" in this studio.
Wow.
So, what was he like to work with? Well I have to say, he was a bit tired.
You know, this was his last film so, he left a lot of decisions to me, actually.
- He did? - Yeah.
You know, I love "Fanny and Alexander".
I love the juxtaposition of darkness and light.
Thank you, Jason.
- It was much darker at first.
- It was? Yeah.
Then I said to him, "Bergie! "You got to stop that depressing crap.
You're a funny guy, make them laugh for once.
" Then he said, "But, Bengt, I'm the prince of darkness.
" I told him, "No, you're not.
I'm the master blender of dark and light.
" - And then he changed the script.
- Really? Okay, I think they need you back on set now.
No, they called me, the shoot is cancelled today, so no hurry.
Yeah, but then they called me and they said the shoot is back on, so.
And when was that? - After they called you.
- Don't think so.
Anyway, where were we? You were telling me how I'm sorry, I just need to talk to him for one second.
I'm sorry, Jason.
Okay, you have to leave now.
- He's getting suspicious.
- No way.
Are you kidding? You told him you practically directed the movie, you don't think he's getting suspicious? I didn't say I directed it.
I was very clear I was just an assistant director.
Although in reality I think a little lot more than that.
Oh my god, now you're starting to believe your own lies.
It's called method acting, Bruce.
All the great ones do it.
Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Van Damme.
Okay, you have to leave now.
Remember who you're talking to.
I know exactly who I'm talking to.
It's Uncle Bengt! Assistant director to Ingmar Bergman.
I demand you to treat me with respect! You're not an assistant director, you've never you're nothing.
This is ridiculous.
What's going on here? Okay You know what, I'm going to have to come clean.
- Listen - No! You listen.
This man worked for Ingmar Bergman, one of the greatest filmmakers of all time.
You better start showing him a little respect.
Okay.
You're right, I was out of line.
I'm sorry.
Well, nobody's perfect.
Osgood Fielding, "Some Like it Hot", director? Billy Wilder.
Yeah.
Just go and get us some coffee.
Okay, coffee coming right up.
Did I hear "Sir"? Hey, don't push it s-sir.
Uh Gustaf's crib, yo.
Oh.
Gustaf.
Hi, it's Nancy.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Is, uh, is Bruce there? I'd like to talk to Bruce.
Yeah, he lives here too but he's not at home.
They're really busy right now.
Oh, well I guess so, because I keep trying to call him and he's never home.
It's the wedding and everything, you know? Right, the wedding.
Whose wedding? Their wedding, Bruce and Emma's.
- Say again? - Their wedding.
Wedding, Bruce and Emma's.
- Bruce and Emma? - Yeah.
They're getting married? Yeah, they haven't told you? No, we haven't heard a thing.
Wow, that's crazy.
It's almost like they're trying to keep it a secret from you.
Are they mad at you or something? Well, gosh darn it! Wayne! They're getting married! Hello? Bruce Mom? Bruce Mom, I have to ask you.
Is is marijuana legal where you live? Honey, I'm home.
Hello.
- Hey.
Wow, look at this.
- Yeah.
Look at you.
We're celebrating something? Well nothing special, just that I have the best boyfriend in the world and that I will be on the board of directors some day.
Wow! Great.
And I'm still the guy.
- No way! - Way.
And right now, the guy just wants to have dinner with his girl, please.
Ohh, god! I must have slept for like, five, hours.
What's for dinner? Um, I actually planned candle light dinner.
Great.
For the two of us.
Why? Is Bruce going somewhere? For me and Bruce, so you have to go away for a couple of hours.
This is so unfair.
You don't appreciate all the stuff I do for you.
Like what? Like Like today, your Mom called and I told her that you're getting married and she was really upset because she hasn't heard from you and I tried to console her.
No, no, no, no, oh god no.
That that is so bad.
Do I hear a thank you? No, I got to call my mother.
So does this mean I can have dinner? You're getting married.
Mm-hm.
Without telling me or your dad.
Mm-hm.
I mean, what kind of a crazy person are you? - What have we done? - Ja.
What have we done to deserve this? - Just tell me why - Ja.
you think so little of me and Daddy.
What were you doing that was so important that you didn't have time - Jo.
- to call your mother.
And tell her that you were getting married.
Shooo.
Wait a minute, I think the line is breaking up.
I'm hearing like a strange shushing sound.
Shooo.
- Is that Can you hear that? - Shooo.
It's all I'm hearing now.
- Can you hear that sound? - Shooo.
Is there water rushing in? It sounds like a water rushing in sound, Bruce.
Shooo.
- Bruce, are you okay? - Ja.