Wings (1990) s02e02 Episode Script

1
[seagulls cawing]
HEY, MAC, WHEN ARE WE
GONNA GET THIS CRATE
OFF THE GROUND?
SIR, I'M SORRY,
BUT THE GATE JUST CALLED
AND SAID THAT WE'RE WAITING
FOR 2 MORE PASSENGERS.
I'M VERY SORRY.
AH! AH!
THIS LOOKS LIKE THEM NOW.
EXCUSE ME, SIR.
UH, WE'RE PRETTY FULL UP
AT THE MOMENT.
I DON'T THINK WE HAVE ROOM
FOR THAT CASE OF BEER.
THERE, PUT THAT DOWN, NORMIE.
THEY'RE NOT GOING TO WAI
TILL YOU DRINK ALL THOSE.
ARE YOU?
UH, NO. NO.
I DIDN'T THINK SO.
YOU CAN SIT RIGHT UP
HERE NEXT TO ME.
[chuckling]
WELL, THAT'S GREAT.
THANK YOU THERE, SKIPPER.
UH, I GOT THE OLD
SHOTGUN POSITION.
YEAH. I'LL KEEP WATCH
FOR THE KAMIKAZES FOR YOU.
NOW, YOU FELLOWS PROMISE
THAT STUFF WILL BE HERE
WHEN I GET BACK?
I WOULDN'T WORRY.
THOSE TEAMSTERS
WILL GUARD THAT BEER
WITH THEIR LIVES.
OH, HEY, NORM.
THIS IS PROBABLY AS CLOSE
AS YOU'RE GONNA GE
TO THE ACTUAL CONTROL PANEL
OF AN AIRPLANE.
SO I'D LIKE TO, UH, GIVE YOU
A LITTLE TOUR OF THE COCKPI
IF YOU DON'T MIND, HERE.
YOU'RE PROBABLY WONDERING,
FIRST, WHAT THIS LITTLE DIAL
IS, OVER THERE.
THAT'S YOUR, UH,
IGNITO VECTOR OVERDRIVE.
SIR, UH, WOULD YOU MIND
FASTENING YOUR SEAT BELT?
[mimicking radio]
UH, 10-4, CAPTAIN.
CAN'T WAIT TO GET OU
ON THE WATER.
DO YOU KNOW HOW
THE FISHING IS
AROUND NANTUCKET?
OH, YEAH, I HEAR THEY'RE
BITIN' LIKE PIT BULLS
AT A MAILMAN CONVENTION.
[both laughing]
THAT SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY?
GUESS NOT.
[switch clicking]
DON'T DO THAT.
WELL, YOUR ALTIMETER'S
STUCK AT ZERO, THERE.
WE'RE ON THE GROUND.
[stammering]
OH, YEAH, THAT CHECKS OUT.
WELL, UH, I'M ABOUT READY
TO TAKE OFF, THERE.
HOW ABOUT YOU, SKY KING?
JUST ONE MORE
PREFLIGHT ADJUSTMEN
TO MAKE.
WHAT'S THAT?
WOULD YOU 2 GUYS MIND
SWITCHING SEATS?
OH, I GET IT,
REDISTRIBUTION OF PAYLOAD.
THAT'S YOUR, UH, R.D.P.,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
IS THIS FOR, UH,
SAFETY REASONS?
OH, YEAH.
IF HE'D STAYED UP HERE,
I'D HAVE KILLED HIM.
OH.
SO, UH, WHAT TIME
DOES COCKTAIL SERVICE START?
OH, WE DON'T HAVE
COCKTAIL SERVICE.
[grunting]
YOU DO NOW.
(Fay)
ANNOUNCING THE ARRIVAL
OF SANDPIPER AIR FLIGHT 48
FROM BOSTON.
AND FOR THE BENEFIT OF
OUR FRENCH-CANADIAN VISITORS,
I'M AFRAID I DON'T SPEAK
YOUR BEAUTIFUL LANGUAGE.
[phone ringing]
[people chattering]
[Helen humming]
[airplane whirring]
WHAT ARE YOU, A RACCOON?
THERE WERE SPOTS.
ARE YOU INSINUATING THA
MY UTENSILS ARE UNCLEAN?
'CAUSE I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW
THAT I CLEAN EACH
AND EVERY ONE OF THESE--
OH, GROSS.
[cutlery clinking]
WHAT IS THE MATTER
WITH YOU?
WELL, REMEMBER I TOLD YOU
THAT A REPORTER FROM
AMERICAN FLYER MAGAZINE
WAS COMING
TO INTERVIEW ME?
RIGHT.
IT'S TODAY. IT
IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
THEN, HOW COME
YOU HAVE GOOSE BUMPS?
I DON'T HAVE GOOSE BUMPS.
LOWELL, TAKE A LOOK
AT THESE HONKERS, MAN.
WOW, THEY LOOK ALMOS
LIKE REAL GEESE.
COME ON, I'M JUST COLD,
ALL RIGHT?
NO, IT'S NOT COLD IN HERE,
ACTUALLY, IT'S KIND OF HOT.
ANYBODY ELSE HOT IN HERE?
(all)
YEAH!
OK, OK,
I HAVE GOOSE BUMPS.
THEY'RE IN "V" FORMATION,
THEY'RE FLYING SOUTH
FOR THE WINTER.
IS EVERYBODY HAPPY?
[all grunting]
COME ON, THIS COULD BE
IMPORTANT FOR ME.
THE LAST INDEPENDENT AIRLINE
THIS MAGAZINE PROFILED
WENT FROM A 2-PLANE OPERATION
TO A 6-PLANE OPERATION
IN ONE YEAR.
REALLY? YOU THINK
THAT COULD HAPPEN
TO YOU, JOE?
YOU NEVER KNOW.
(Roy)
HEY, HACKETT.
SO, AMERICAN FLYER HIT YOU UP
FOR THAT ARTICLE, HUH?
YEAH. SURE DID.
[laughing]
THEY'VE BEEN AFTER ME
FOR MONTHS TO DO AN ARTICLE,
BUT I'M TOO BUSY.
I GUESS WHEN THEY REALIZED
I WOULDN'T BE
AT THEIR BECK AND CALL
THEY WEN
TO THEIR "B" LIST.
WHEN THAT DIDN'T PAN OUT,
THEY WENT TO YOU.
YOU ARE NOT GONNA
RUIN THIS FOR ME, ROY.
THIS IS GONNA BE
GOOD PUBLICITY
IN A RESPECTED
AIR MAGAZINE.
PLEASE, PLEASE,
FORGIVE ME, MR. BIG SHOT.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO RAIN
ON YOUR PARADE.
[snickering]
THEN COVER YOUR MOUTH
WHEN YOU TALK.
YOU'RE SPRAYING
LIKE A GARDEN HOSE.
[plane whirring]
(Cliff)
UH, YOU KNOW,
I BETCHA IF YOU MADE ABOUT,
OH, I DON'T KNOW,
20 DEGREE ADJUSTMEN
ON THOSE TRIM TABS
THAT BABY'D SETTLE DOWN
ON THE RUNWAY
LIKE A BUTTERFLY
WITH SORE FEET.
UH-HUH. UH-HUH.
HEY, UH,
DOES HE TALK TO PEOPLE
LIKE THAT ALL THE TIME?
OH, HE DOESN'
NEED PEOPLE.
CLIFFIE, LET'S GO DOWN
TO THE WHARF, CHARTER A BOAT.
HEY.
I'VE, UH, GOT A BOA
FOR CHARTER.
AND SHE'S A BEAUTY.
I'LL GIVE YOU
A GREAT DEAL, TOO.
ALL RIGHT,
SOUNDS GOOD.
HEY.
OF COURSE, MY FAMILY
LIVES ON THE BOAT.
BUT THEY WON'
GET IN YOUR WAY.
DON'T MIND
THE LITTLE ONE.
HE'LL PROBABLY JUST CRAWL
RIGHT UP ON YOUR LAP
AND FALL ASLEEP.
AT LEAST THAT WAY,
HE WON'T EAT THE BAIT.
AND, UH, TRY TO IGNORE
THE SKIN RASH
THE LITTLE GUY'S GOT.
UH, THE CLINIC SAYS
THAT IT'S NOT CONTAGIOUS.
THAT'S GOOD, WELL, UH,
WE'LL GET BACK TO YOU, UH,
THERE, CAPTAIN NEMO.
ALL RIGHTY.
[chuckling]
SEE YOU LATER.
SHIVER YOUR TIMBERS, PAL.
THERE'S ONE GENE POOL
YOU DON'T WAN
TO TAKE A DIP IN.
WELL, LISTEN, LISTEN,
YOU GUYS ARE LOOKING
TO CHARTER A BOAT,
TRY JACK O'SHEA. TELL HIM
JOE HACKETT SENT YOU.
OH, JACKIE O'SHEA, HUH?
[chuckling]
SOUNDS LIKE
AN IRISH BLOKE.
I BETCHA WE'RE NOT GONNA
HAVE ANY TROUBLE
GETTING COCKTAIL SERVICE
ON THAT BOAT.
[humming]
UH, HE'S--HE'S AN OK GUY.
IT JUST TAKES A LITTLE TIME
TO GET USED TO HIM.
I'M ABOUT, UH,
2 YEARS AWAY MYSELF.
[airplane whirring]
[people chattering]
YEAH, I'M TED COBB FROM
AMERICAN FLYER MAGAZINE.
I'M LOOKING FOR JOE HACKETT.
UH, THAT'S HIM
RIGHT OVER THERE.
OH, AND IN CASE YOU NEED I
FOR YOUR ARTICLE,
MY NAME IS
FAY EVELYN COCHRAN,
MY FAVORITE COLOR
IS BLUE,
AND I WAS
THE FIRST STEWARDESS
TO USE
THE EMERGENCY EXIT GESTURE.
I'VE SEEN YOUR WORK.
THANKS.
EXCUSE ME, MR. COBB.
I'M ROY BIGGINS,
OWNER OF AEROMASS,
THE ISLAND'S
NUMBER ONE AIRLINE.
HERE, HAVE AN AEROMASS PEN.
YOU KNOW, SIR, THE FAC
THAT YOU HAVE BEEN OVERLOOKED
FOR A PULITZER PRIZE
IS UNCONSCIONABLE.
MAY I AWARD YOU
WITH AN AEROMASS MUG?
AND--AND, SIR,
IF--IF YOU COULD SEE
YOUR WAY CLEAR
TO MENTIONING MY--MY AIRLINE
IN--IN YOUR MAGAZINE,
[whimpering]
IT WOULD BE SO
[stammering]
HERE, HAVE
AN AEROMASS FACE CLOTH.
TED, NICE TO MEET YOU.
I'M--I'M JOE HACKETT.
WHY DON'T WE GO
IN MY OFFICE?
YOU'VE GOT SOME REAL WHACKOS
ON THIS ISLAND, HACKETT.
OH. SO, YOU'VE ME
MY BROTHER, HUH?
IS THAT GUY YOUR BROTHER?
OH, NO, THAT'S ROY.
I DON'T THINK HE HAS
ANY SIBLINGS.
WORD IS, HE ATE 'EM
IN THE NEST.
UH, HAVE A SEAT, TED.
SO, UH, WHAT ANGLE
ARE YOU GONNA TAKE
FOR THIS ARTICLE?
I MEAN, YOU HAVE THE ROMANCE
OF THE "ONE MAN, ONE PLANE",
AND THERE'S THE DRAMA
OF DAVID VERSUS GOLIATH.
I GUESS IT JUST DEPENDS
ON WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR.
I'M LOOKING TO FILL 3 PAGES.
I SEE.
NOW, LOOK, HACKETT,
I'M NOT GONNA KID YOU.
I HATE FLYING.
I HATE WRITING
FOR THIS STUPID MAGAZINE.
I'M ONLY HERE BECAUSE
MY EDITOR'S AUNT FLEW
ON YOUR LITTLE AIRLINE
AND THOUGHT IT WOULD
MAKE A CUTE STORY.
YEAH, I THINK IT MIGHT.
I DON'T DO CUTE.
I NEVER HAD TO DO CUTE
WHEN I WORKED
FOR MERCENARY MONTHLY.
NOW, THERE WAS A MAGAZINE
YOU COULD SINK
YOUR TEETH INTO.
YOU COULD WRITE STORIES
WITH RAW POWER
THAT WOULD LEAVE THE TASTE
OF BLOOD IN YOUR MOUTH.
BUT BACK TO REALITY.
START AT THE BEGINNING.
WELL, UH,
WHEN I WAS A KID,
YOU'LL NEVER GUESS
WHO MY HERO WAS.
CHUCK YEAGER.
YEAH! HOW DID YOU KNOW?
I'M PSYCHIC.
BRIAN, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
ON YOUR WAY
TO PROVINCETOWN.
YEAH, LOWELL HAD TO PULL
THE PLANE IN,
THERE WAS A SMALL LEAK
IN THE FUEL LINE.
OH, UH, WELL, TED,
THIS WOULD BE GOOD
FOR YOU TO SEE--
UH, TED?
THIS WOULD BE GOOD
FOR YOU TO SEE.
UH, HERE
AT SANDPIPER AIR,
SAFETY IS OUR
NUMBER ONE PRIORITY.
THAT'S WHY I HIRED
THE BEST MECHANIC
ON NANTUCKET.
HE'S KIND OF
A MECHANIC SAVANT.
OH, UH, TED COBB,
THIS IS BRIAN, MY BROTHER.
HE'S MY OTHER PILOT.
OH, YEAH.
(Brian)
TED COBB?
YOU'RE NOT THE TED COBB
WHO WROTE FOR
MERCENARY MONTHLY,
ARE YOU?
YEAH, I AM.
OH, MAN!
I LOVE YOUR STUFF!
MY FAVORITE
WAS A 4-PART ARTICLE
ON THE SUCKING CHEST WOUND.
OH!
YEAH, I WAS, UH,
PRETTY PROUD OF THAT.
OH, MAN! I USED TO
READ YOUR MAGAZINE
FROM COVER TO COVER
WHEN I WAS FLYING
OUT OF MUSTIQUE.
YOU FLEW OUT OF MUSTIQUE?
I LIVED THERE FOR 2 YEARS!
(Ted)
HEY, DID YOU EVER GO
DRINKING AT BASIL'S?
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
THEY NAMED A DRINK
AFTER ME.
"THE TRAUMATIC
HEAD INJURY."
(Brian)
THAT'S ME, YEAH, YEAH.
IN FACT, I REMEMBER
THIS ONE TIME,
PRINCESS MARGARET WALKS IN
AND SHE NEEDS A LIGH
FOR HER CIGARETTE,
WHO KNEW
SHE SMOKED, RIGHT?
SO I GRABBED
THE TIKI TORCH
AHEM!
[Ted laughing]
UH, BUT WHAT AM I
GOING ON ABOUT?
THIS, UH, THIS ARTICLE'S
ALL ABOUT JOE, RIGHT?
WHO'S JOE?
OH, RIGHT.
JOE, JOE, TELL HIM
ABOUT THE TIME
YOU WERE FLYING
THE SULTAN OF BRUNEI
AND ONE OF YOUR ENGINES BLEW
AND YOU HAD TO--
OH, WAIT A SECOND.
THAT WAS ME.
OK, OH, OH, OH, OH, OH.
TELL HIM ABOUT THE TIME
YOU WERE FLYING
AND YOUR WINGS ICED UP
AND YOU HAD TO MAKE
AN EMERGENCY LANDING
ON LAKE--
NOPE, NOPE.
THAT--THAT WAS YOU, TOO.
OH. WOW!
WHAT A LIFE I'VE LED.
YOU KNOW, TED,
IT ISN'T OFTEN
THAT I BRAG ABOU
SANDPIPER'S ON-TIME RECORDS,
BUT I'VE GO
SOME STATS HERE--
HEY, UH, LISTEN, BRIAN,
TELL ME WHAT OUTFI
DID YOU FLY WITH
OUT OF MUSTIQUE?
UH, IGUANA AIRLINES.
"WE'RE UGLY,
BUT WE GET YOU THERE."
THEY WERE A NUTTY BUNCH.
OH, TELL ME ABOUT IT.
TELL ME ABOUT IT.
HEY, I REMEMBER THIS ONE TIME
I'M FLYING A PLANELOAD
OF SWIMSUIT MODELS
DOWN TO ST. THOMAS, RIGHT.
SO, HALFWAY THERE,
WE DEVELOPED A LITTLE
ENGINE TROUBLE,
SO I HAVE TO DITCH.
WAIT, NOW, SLOW DOWN, SLOW,
I WANNA GET ALL OF THIS.
OK, OK. WAIT, WAIT, WAIT,
SO, I DITCHED
AND HERE I AM,
I'M ON THIS DESERTED BEACH
WITH THESE 6 GORGEOUS BABES
LOOKING TO ME FOR PROTECTION.
THANK GOODNESS,
I HAD SOME.
[both laughing]
I'M JUST GONNA, UH,
GO GET A CUP OF COFFEE.
I MEAN, FAR BE I
FOR ME TO TELL THEM
THAT THERE WAS A SHERATON
ON THE OTHER END
OF THE ISLAND.
THEN I'M GONNA PU
A BONE IN MY NOSE
LIGHT MY HAIR ON FIRE
AND DO THE LAMBADA
WITH FAY.
GOOD, JOE. THANK YOU.
A SHERATON!
[exclaims]
I LOVE THIS!
[laughing]
HACKETT! HACKETT!
DID TED SAY ANYTHING
ABOUT ME?
YEAH, HE SAID,
YOU'RE THE SEXIEST MAN
HE'S EVER SEEN.
REALLY?
HOW'S YOUR INTERVIEW
GOING?
OH, IT'S GOING
ALONG NICELY
ONLY, I DON'T SEEM
TO BE A PART OF I
ANYMORE.
HEY, WHAT'RE YOU 2 GUYS
STILL DOING HERE?
AH, SOAKING UP
SOME LOCAL COLOR.
YEAH, I'M SOAKING UP
MY SECOND RIGHT NOW.
AND A BEAUTIFUL AMBER
IT IS, TOO.
HELEN, I NEED
AN ANECDOTE.
WELL, MY FRIEND,
YOU'VE COME
TO THE RIGHT PLACE.
IT WAS 1967, I BELIEVE--
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,
JUST DRINK YOUR BEER.
HE NEVER SHUTS UP.
C-C-COME ON.
HELEN, HELP ME OUT HERE.
BRIAN'S IN THERE
DAZZLING TED
WITH STORIES ABOU
HIS FLYING CAREER,
AND I CAN'T REMEMBER
ANY GOOD STUFF ABOUT ME.
UH, GRANTED,
BRIAN IS A LITTLE MORE
OUTGOING AND ALL,
BUT I THINK
I'M A PRETTY
INTERESTING GUY, TOO.
OH, I'M SORRY, JOE, WHAT?
NEVER MIND.
JOE, I'VE GOT GOOD NEWS
AND I'VE GOT BAD NEWS.
GOOD NEWS IS,
THE PLANE'S FIXED.
WHAT'S THE BAD NEWS?
I THINK I'M POSSESSED
BY SATAN.
EITHER THAT OR RAGWEED SEASON
HAS COME EARLY.
[sneezing]
MY MONEY'S ON SATAN.
[sighing]
HEY, WHY AM I TRYING
TO COMPETE WITH BRIAN?
I'VE GOT MY OWN STORY,
AND IT'S A DAMN GOOD ONE.
I MEAN,
I STARTED THIS AIRLINE
WITH NOTHING BUT $5,000,
AND MY OWN SWEAT AND SPIT.
JOE, THAT'S KIND OF
DISGUSTING.
AND NOW IT'S
A GROWING BUSINESS.
I MEAN, I AM AN
AMERICAN SUCCESS STORY.
IF TED COBB CAN'T SEE THAT,
I'M JUST GONNA HAVE TO
OPEN HIS EYES.
[Ted laughing]
BY THE THIRD DAY,
THOSE GIRLS HAD
ELECTED ME KING!
YEAH, BRIAN,
THE PLANE'S FIXED,
LET'S GET IT IN THE AIR.
[exclaims]
WHAT'S THE MAGIC WORD?
EUNUCH.
I'M OUT OF HERE.
SO, UH, TED,
WHY DON'T WE GO BACK
TO MY OFFICE?
I WANNA TELL YOU THE HISTORY
OF SANDPIPER AIR FROM DAY ONE.
HACKETT, HISTORY'S
FOR GEEKS.
I'M LOOKING FOR STORIES
WITH REAL EXCITEMENT.
OH, WELL, NOW THA
I KNOW WHAT YOU WANT,
LET'S JUST GO BACK--
MAYBE LATER.
I'M GONNA FLY WITH BRIAN
ON THIS NEXT FLIGHT.
GET A GOOD LOOK
AT THE OPERATION.
OH, GOOD. GOOD.
UH, WHEN YOU GET BACK,
I'LL TAKE YOU TO LUNCH,
MY TREAT.
UH, SORRY, JOE,
NO CAN DO.
I'M HAVING LUNCH
WITH THE BRI-GUY.
"THE BRI-GUY?"
SO, THEREFORE, THE CLAM
IS THE ONLY BIVALVE
WITH, UH,
AN EROGENOUS ZONE.
UH, IT'S LOCATED RIGHT HERE
UNDER THE SCUMPUS. SEE?
[gasps]
QUICK, JOE, RUN!
(Cliff)
OH, LOOK WHO'S HERE!
HEY.
HEY.
HOW COME YOU GUYS
AREN'T OUT ON THE WATER YET?
IT'S AFTER 1:00.
WELL, UH,
WE'RE A LOT CLOSER
THAN WE WERE BEFORE.
YEAH.
[sniffing]
I CAN EVEN SMELL
THE SALT AIR FROM HERE.
YOU KNOW THAT COULD BE
THE BEER NUTS YOU SMELL, HUH?
YEAH, YEAH.
THAT'S WHAT IT IS.
ONE OR THE OTHER.
I DON'T KNOW.
WELL, YOU KNOW,
WE WERE ON OUR WAY
TO SEE YOUR FRIEND O'SHEA
AND, UH, WE WERE SASHAYING
BY THIS LITTLE, UH, PUB
AND NORMIE SUGGESTED
WE DROP IN
TO GET DIRECTIONS
AND WE JUST FELL VICTIM
TO ITS UNIQUE CHARM.
WE HAVE ABSOLUTELY
NO PLACE LIKE THIS
IN BOSTON.
SO, WHAT DO YOU SAY, NORM?
WANT TO GO UP
TO THE BIG ONES?
[grunting]
YEP.
ALL RIGHT. I HEAR
THEY SERVE 60-OUNCE MUGS
DOWN THE STREET.
OH, HEY, HELEN, LOOK.
IT'S BRIAN AND THAT GUY
FROM THE MAGAZINE.
WHAT A SURPRISE,
LET'S GO JOIN THEM.
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU DIDN'T WANNA
TAKE ME TO LUNCH.
I'M ONLY HERE
SO IT WON'T LOOK LIKE
YOU'RE PATHETICALLY
TAGGING ALONG AFTER THEM.
JOE, WHY DIDN'T YOU
JUST TELL ME THE TRUTH?
WOULD YOU HAVE COME?
OF COURSE NOT.
I HAVE A LUNCH COUNTER.
I DON'T NORMALLY
CLOSE IT AT LUNCH
TO GO TO LUNCH.
THAT'S WHY IT'S CALLED
A LUNCH COUNTER.
HELEN, I JUST WANT THE GUY
TO KNOW HE'S MISSING OU
ON A DAMN GOOD STORY.
(Helen)
YES. BUT THIS IS NOT--
HEY, HELEN, LOOK,
IT'S BRIAN AND TED.
(Helen)
HI.
HEY, GUYS, UH,
DO YOU MIND
IF WE JOIN YOU?
UH, NO, NO,
GRAB A SEAT.
YOU KNOW, UH,
TED, AFTER YOU LEFT,
I THOUGHT OF A PRETTY
HAIR-RAISING EXPERIENCE
I THINK MIGHT BE
JUST THE KIND OF STORY
YOU'RE LOOKING FOR.
FINALLY.
I'D JUST TAKEN OFF
FROM HYANNIS WITH
A FULL LOAD OF PASSENGERS.
WHEN OUT OF NOWHERE
A SQUALL HIT.
SO I TOLD THE PASSENGERS
TO STRAP IN AND HANG ON.
HEY, THIS IS GOOD.
GO ON.
WELL, THE THUNDER
WAS CRASHING,
LIGHTNING'S FLASHING
ALL AROUND US.
MY GAUGES WERE
GOING HAYWIRE,
WHEN SUDDENLY,
ONE OF MY ENGINES QUITS.
AND YOU WENT INTO A SPIN.
NO, NO, NO,
I GOT IT STARTED AGAIN.
BUT BY THIS TIME,
WE WERE IN A STEEP DIVE.
THE OCEAN WAS RUSHING UP
TO MEET US.
SO, YOU HAD TO DITCH.
NO. NO, NO, NO,
I--I LEVELED HER OU
JUST AS THE WHITECAPS
WERE LICKING
AT OUR UNDERBELLY
AND WE MADE IT BACK
TO NANTUCKET.
WHERE YOU CRASH-LANDED.
NO, WE--WE LANDED SAFELY.
ANY FATALITIES?
MULTIPLE INJURIES?
ANYTHING?
WELL, I COULD HAVE SWORN
I HEARD ONE OF THE PASSENGERS
SAY, "DEAR GOD."
I SEE.
WILL YOU EXCUSE ME
A SECOND HERE?
SURE.
WHAT, THE GUY TAKES OFF POINTS
'CAUSE NOBODY WAS KILLED?
WELL, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WELL, I MEAN, HELEN OWNS
THE LUNCH COUNTER,
SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO CLOSE I
DOWN AT LUNCH TIME
TO GO OUT AND HAVE LUNCH.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
ALL RIGHT.
I'M HERE TO MAKE SURE
YOU DON'T SWIPE MY STORY.
I'M NOT TRYING
TO SWIPE YOUR STORY--
THIS IS JUST LIKE YOU, BRIAN,
YOU'VE ALWAYS TRIED
TO STEAL MY THUNDER.
I MEAN,
YOU'RE WAY OFF BASE, HERE.
THIS ISN'T THE FIRST TIME
YOU'VE PULLED THIS.
(Brian)
WHAT ARE YOU--
WHAT ABOUT MY CONFIRMATION?
I'M JUST ABOUT TO KISS
THE BISHOP'S RING,
YOU FALL ON THE FLOOR
AND START MAKING
ALL THOSE NOISES.
I WAS HAVING
AN ASTHMA ATTACK.
YEAH, LIKE THA
WASN'T PLANNED.
UH, FOR YOUR INFORMATION,
PAL,
I JUST SPENT THE WHOLE DAY
TALKING ABOUT YOU.
TO THE BISHOP?
MAKE A PUPPET.
JOE, IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME,
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A LOOK
AT TED'S NOTES?
THEY'RE RIGHT INSIDE
HIS BRIEFCASE.
NO, NO.
I CAN'T DO THAT.
[exclaims]
IT'S HIS PERSONAL PROPERTY.
I HAVE NO RIGHT TO--
WHY NOT?
OH, OH. OH,
I SEE, I SEE.
YOU KNOW THA
I WON'T LOOK IN THERE
AND THAT WAY
I'LL NEVER KNOW
WHAT YOU SAID TO HIM.
(Helen)
BRIAN.
HEY!
HELEN, YOU ARE A WITNESS
THEY ARE OFFICIALLY
OUT OF THE BRIEFCASE.
GO AHEAD,
READ 'EM OUT LOUD.
WITH PLEASURE.
GO AHEAD.
"JOE HACKETT,
BEST PILOT I'VE EVER SEEN.
"COOL IN A CRISIS,
"TAUGHT ME EVERYTHING
I KNOW ABOUT FLYING.
ONCE TURNED DOWN
AN OFFER TO SING WITH
THE DOODLETOWN PIPERS?"
THEY NEVER
OFFERED ME A JOB.
OH, I KNOW, BUT IF THEY HAD,
I'D LIKE TO THINK YOU'D HAVE
HAD THE GOOD TASTE
TO TURN THEM DOWN.
OH, MAN.
BRIAN, I--I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO SAY.
I'M--
FORGET IT. FORGET IT.
HERE HE COMES!
WELL, GUYS,
I'M OUT OF HERE.
WHAT?
YEAH.
I JUST CALLED MY EDITOR.
I GAVE HIM AN OVERVIEW
OF WHAT WE HAD SO FAR
AND HE KILLED THE STORY.
WE JUST COULDN'T FIND
THE ANGLE
WE WERE LOOKING FOR.
WHAT ANGLE WAS THAT?
THE INTERESTING ONE.
SO LONG.
WHERE YOU GOING?
OUT.
OH, COME ON, NORM.
I'M TELLING YOU,
IT WAS THIS BIG.
CLIFFIE,
IT WAS MORE LIKE THIS, OK?
NORM, I SAW I
WITH MY OWN EYES
AND IT WAS THIS BIG.
SOUNDS LIKE YOU GUYS
FINALLY GOT SOME FISH.
YEAH, YOU BET.
HOW MANY DID YOU CATCH?
WELL, WE DIDN'T ACTUALLY
GO FISHING,
WE'RE, UH,
TALKING ABOUT THE SIZE
OF THE SEAFOOD PLATTER
NORM HAD
AT CAPTAIN ANDY'S.
WHICH WAS THIS BIG.
NORM, I'M TELLING YOU,
IT WAS THIS BIG
AND THAT'S WHY
THEY CALL I
THE SUPERTANKER.
AEROMASS FLIGHT 37 TO BOSTON
WILL NOW BEGIN BOARDING
THROUGH GATE ONE.
LET'S GO.
I DEFINITELY WAN
TO COME BACK HERE, THOUGH.
YEAH, YEAH. THINK
NEXT TIME WE SHOULD
ACTUALLY GO FISHING?
WHAT?
AND RUIN A PERFECTLY
GOOD FISHING TRIP?
[sighing]
CESSNA NEVADA, 1-2-1,
PAPA-PAPA,
THIS IS TOM NEVERS FIELD.
COME IN, OVER.
HAVE YOU BEEN ABLE TO
CONTACT JOE YET?
AH, HE'S NOT ANSWERING.
HE'S BEEN UP THERE
FOR 2 HOURS.
THAT BOY CAN BE
SO STUBBORN SOMETIMES,
I JUST WANNA BOX HIS EARS.
YEAH, I KNOW
WHAT YOU MEAN.
AND THEN THROW HIM
INTO THE TURNBUCKLE
AND GIVE HIM
A GOOD PILE DRIVER.
FAY!
I'M SORRY, I'VE BEEN
WATCHING ENTIRELY
TOO MUCH WRESTLING.
CESSNA NEVADA, 1-2-1,
PAPA-PAPA,
THIS IS TOM NEVERS FIELD.
COME IN, OVER.
(Joe)
TOM NEVERS FIELD,
THIS IS CESSNA NEVADA, 1-2-1,
PAPA-PAPA, OVER.
(Brian)
CESSNA NEVADA, 1-2-1,
PAPA-PAPA,
CAN WE STOP USING
THESE STUPID NUMBERS
AND JUST GO BY OUR NAMES?
ROGER.
NO, IT'S BRIAN.
[laughing]
(Brian)
JOE, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING UP THERE?
I JUST NEEDED TO DO
SOME THINKING.
WHEN ARE YOU COMING DOWN?
HELEN'S WORRIED SICK
ABOUT YOU.
REALLY?
WELL, ACTUALLY, SHE LEF
OVER AN HOUR AGO,
BUT SHE DID SAY YOU OWE HER
$3.50 FOR BREAKFAS
SO SHE WAS THINKING
ABOUT YOU.
I'M REALLY SORRY
THAT THE ARTICLE THING
DIDN'T WORK OUT.
(Joe)
YEAH, THANKS.
AND, UH, I'M SORRY
I ACCUSED YOU OF TRYING
TO STEAL MY STORY.
APOLOGY ACCEPTED, BABE.
YOU KNOW, BRIAN, I DON'T KNOW
WHY I WAS TRYING SO HARD
TO PROVE MYSELF TO THAT JERK.
I DON'T CARE
WHAT HE THINKS.
I MEAN, I--I MAY NO
HAVE LIVED IN ALL
THE EXOTIC PLACES YOU HAVE,
AND DONE ALL
THE DEATH-DEFYING THINGS,
BUT THAT DOESN'T MATTER.
SO, I DON'T MAKE GOOD COPY.
BUT I'M A DAMNED GOOD PILO
AND I'M PROUD OF IT.
AND I'M HAPPY WITH WHO I AM,
IT'S JUST THA
EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE, I
NOW, NOW I'M GONNA
SAY SOMETHING
BUT YOU HAVE TO PROMISE ME
YOU WON'T EVER
THROW THIS BACK AT ME,
OR TELL ANYONE
I EVER SAID IT.
SOMETIMES I WISH
I WAS A LITTLE MORE LIKE YOU.
BRIAN?
(Brian)
HEY, JOE, I JUST FOUND OU
THE COOLEST THING.
IF YOU TURN THIS DIAL
A LITTLE BIT TO THE LEFT,
I CAN PICK UP THE DOG RACES
FROM MIAMI.
I-- I'M SORRY,
WHAT DID YOU SAY?
UH, UH, NOTHING, UM,
I'M HEADING HOME.
LEAVE A LIGHT ON
FOR ME. OUT.
[static buzzing]
[sighing]
SOMETIMES I WISH
I WAS A LITTLE MORE
LIKE YOU, TOO.